Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ I love you, Loveless. ❯ Ritsuka is saved...? ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

OMG, I got it beta:ed! ^^ Yeah, yeah I know... I'm the best.

I do NOT own Loveless, or any of characters in this story (except for the doctor)...

OBS!!! Readers who have problems with homosexual sex and love should NOT read this story. It contains both Shounen-ai and yaoi. Last warning, ne? ;

The story is an X-rated yaoi-fic which contains sexual situations between two males (adult and underage), which also makes this a bit of a Shouta-con.
Also, the chapters are rather dark and depressing at first... contains self-destructive thinking and acting.

Ritsuka; 14
Soubi; 20


Chapter One. Ritsuka is saved...?

"Soubi..." The room was absolutely soundless except for the dripping sound that his mother caused. Soubi did not answer the younger boy. He just stared at him, without showing the smallest hint of emotion in his eyes. Ritsuka barely noticed himself sinking down on the floor. He didn't sob, although he felt small tears dripping from his eyes, down to the floor.

His tears were mixed with the blood that was soiled there. His blood. Ritsuka’s blood. Not far from where Ritsuka sat, another large pool of blood was visible in the dark room. His mother's blood.

"K-kaa-sa...n...." Ritsuka whispered. The woman lay with her face down towards the floor in front of Soubi across the room. He still hadn't said anything.

Ritsuka lifted his hands and stared at them for a few seconds. They were drenched in blood. His own blood. He felt a stinging pain in his back and his left eye was pounding... burning. Ritsuka touched the wound and hissed with pain.

"Soubi! Why did... how..." Ritsuka ran towards his fighter with his fist lifted, although he knew that he would never be able to hurt the older man. As expected, Soubi grabbed his fist in his own hand but instead of punching Ritsuka, he pulled him into his arms and held him there. No matter how much Ritsuka screamed or tried to yank free from the embrace, Soubi held him there in a firm grip.

"Calm down, Ritsuka... you're in a shock." Ritsuka’s punches and pushes soon faded away and the cat-eared boy allowed himself to be embraced. His breath was ragged and uneven.

Soubi started showing the smallest hint of emotion when he felt Ritsuka tremble. His eyes became softer and a worried, almost pained expression covered his features.

"I don't understand, Soubi." Ritsuka whispered, so quiet that Soubi had to really concentrate to catch the silent words. "Why is kaa-san... dead?" Ritsuka kept on trembling, but now he buried his face in Soubi’s chest and the black cat-ears hung down in a sad way. Soubi sighed and caressed Ritsuka’s back with soothing movements.

"Think hard, Ritsuka. You know very well what happened tonight. You need to focus. Do you remember?"
Ritsuka thought hard. Flashes of the evening came to him in such a speed it was hard for him to focus on just one part.

"What happened after you came home tonight, Ritsuka?" asked Soubi. He knew the answer, but he wanted Ritsuka to understand for himself. "Remember? You had been studying in the library, ne?"

Ritsuka stared into the darkness of Soubi’s shirt, which was now soaked in his tears. Something flashed through his mind. A yelling woman, a slapping sound... a... knife?

"I... mother... she..." Ritsuka sobbed and writhed. The memories were coming back to him. "She said... she was worried. Because I hadn't told her that I was going to the library after school..." Ritsuka murmured, his face covered by Soubi’s wet shirt. Soubi closed his eyes, knowing how hard it must be for Ritsuka to remember something like this.

"I... I said I was sorry!" Ritsuka whispered, panic started to make itself known in his voice. "But she... I... I'm a bad son! My dinner was cold... the dinner that she had prepared for me. And I never got to eat it... 'cause it was cold, so she threw it away." Ritsuka’s hand clenched Soubi’s shirt. "She said I wasn't her son... so she didn't want me here. She said I was possessed by a demon." Ritsuka started to speak louder. He felt his knees go weaker by every second.

"So... she grabbed the bread-knife... and said that she was going to rescue the world from my evil." Ritsuka suddenly sobbed and sank to the floor. He covered his crying face with his bloody hands but didn't seem to care. The fingers dug into his hair and he pulled at it while he trembled like mad. Soubi gasped at the heartbreaking sight and sat down by Ritsuka, trying to sooth the miserable boy.

"Ritsuka, calm down. I'm here. She won't be able to hurt you now." He whispered, hoping that Ritsuka heard him through all the sobbing and crying.
Suddenly the smaller boy buried himself in Soubi's chest again, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Soubiii..." He cried. "Soouubi..."

Soubi laid his arms around Ritsuka and kissed his hair. He felt the smaller boy relax a bit and smiled a little.

~
'Ritsuka! Ritsuka!' Every thought he had was about the boy when he opened the door to Ritsuka’s and his mother's home. He stared into the darkness, panicking.

"Ritsuka!" He yelled. Suddenly he heard a scream from the kitchen. It was Ritsuka, and he sounded absolutely terrified.

"N-no! Kaa-san! Don't!!" Soubi ran into the kitchen and gasped. Ritsuka was on the floor with his arms over his head, trying to protect himself. Looming over him stood his mother, a large knife in her hand.

Soubi stared at her for about two seconds and she stared back at him with her mad eyes.

"S-Soubi!" Ritsuka yelled, tears running down his cheeks. Soubi felt his blood start to boil. He took a step towards the crazy woman. Then another.
He knew. He had always known. It had been the same thing with Seimei. He knew what this sick woman did to her children. He had seen the bandages and bruises on Seimei and Ritsuka. The fact that she was hurting Ritsuka made Soubi hate her with every fiber of his being. More than he had done when Seimei was alive. He cared so much more for Ritsuka.

The woman must have felt the hatred from the unknown man, because she looked frightened. Then she did something extremely stupid. She grabbed Ritsuka’s hair and almost lifted him from the floor with it before she yelled hysterically.

"Who is this man? Why do you do this to me, you cursed child!? He is the devil, isn't he? And now he has come to help you... you demon! Offspring from hell!!" She rammed Ritsuka’s head into the wall before she kicked him in the back. That was the last thing she ever did in her life.

Soubi grabbed her neck and lifted her off the floor. She tried to kick him and scratch him, but to no avail. He smirked.

"Stop it, bitch. You won't be able to kill me. Now... do you see that?" He pointed towards Ritsuka who had gone unconscious from the rough treatment by his mother. "He is very precious to me. If you hurt something that is so very precious to me... you die."

The woman did not respond, and for some reason, that annoyed Soubi more than anything. He grabbed the knife she had dropped on the floor and smirked when he drove it deep into her heart, then in her stomach, twice. She yelped in surprise and pain.

Oh, how he hated her. He hated what she had done to Ritsuka. He hated how she was unpunished. He was going to punish her. Sending her to hell almost wasn't enough, but he decided to stop anyway when he heard a coughing sound and quickly dropped the dead woman on the floor.

Ritsuka stared at him with terrified eyes.
~

"Ritsuka... Please. Come live with me. You have no other family, right?" Ritsuka lifted his head and met Soubi’s gaze with red eyes. Then he nodded. He sniffed a bit before he rose from the floor and headed towards his room.

"I'll just get my clothes and stuff. Soubi?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I... bring my computer? Or is it too much?" Ritsuka bit his lip. Soubi almost blushed from the sight and hid it by putting on his glasses before he smiled a small smile.

"Sure. I'll help you carry it." Soubi walked into Ritsuka’s small room and helped the younger boy pack. Then suddenly, just as Soubi was about to shut the first suitcase, he felt a slight tugging on the back of his shirt.

He turned around. Ritsuka stood about two inches from him, looking at Soubi with big, dark eyes. Soubi felt his cheeks go warm.

The black-haired boy was so... beautiful.

"Ritsuka?" He asked, while he forced the blush to vanish.

Ritsuka didn't smile. He had a serious look on his face when he slowly reached up to Soubi’s shoulders and neck. Then he started to pull the older man towards himself.

Soubi allowed himself to be pulled. Ritsuka lifted his face until it almost touched Soubi's.

"Thank you, Soubi." He whispered and closed the gap. Their lips touched, just as sweet as the other times, but this time was different. This time, it had been Ritsuka who took the lead. Soubi shut his eyes and laid his hand on Ritsuka’s hips. After a few short seconds, they broke apart. Ritsuka had a small blush on his cheeks.

"You're welcome, Ritsuka."


They continued packing in silence. When they were finished, they left the blood-soaked apartment and headed towards Soubi's car. They didn't speak during the travel to Soubi's home, and when they had arrived, Soubi just smiled and asked if Ritsuka wanted some tea.

"..Yeah, that would be nice." The raven haired boy answered quietly. Soubi gave him a concerned look before he turned his back on the boy and went into the kitchen. He listened as the smaller boy walked around in the big room, trying to familiarize himself.

"Oi, Soubi...?"

"Mhm?" Soubi answered with a rather uncaring tone while he was pouring water into the teapot. He didn't want to sound too worried. Ritsuka wouldn't like that.

"There's only one bed. Where will I sleep?" Ritsuka sounded a bit embarrassed and Soubi smiled to himself. The raven haired boy was just so... kawaii.

"Sou ka... well, I think I have a mattress around here somewhere. Are you comfortable on the floor or would you like to sleep in my bed? I can sleep on the floor in that case, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka stepped into the kitchen with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

"I... I can sleep on the floor." He turned his face away. "I'm not that injured."

Soubi gave him a worried look and sighed.

"Very well. Do you want strawberry or vanilla?"

Ritsuka seemed a bit confused about Soubi's question, but smiled weakly as he saw the tea-bags in Soubi's hands.

"Oh... ano... vanilla, please."

"Was the tea alright?"

"Yeah."

Soubi and Ritsuka stood on the balcony, each one with a tea-cup in hand. Except for the swallowing sounds they both made when they drank the hot tea, it was absolutely silent.

Soubi was starting to worry more and more for Ritsuka's sake. How was the boy feeling? Soubi knew how well Ritsuka hid his true emotions. They just stood there, viewing the small lights from the city. Soubi heard Ritsuka sigh and glanced at the boy.

"Don't worry about me, Soubi." Ritsuka murmured. Soubi blushed faintly and turned his head forward again.

"Gomen... demo..." He scolded himself for letting his own voice sound so reluctant... almost shy. It was his true voice, and it was only a very few number of people who had ever heard it. But right now, Soubi didn't care. He was too concerned about Ritsuka.

Actually, he wanted Ritsuka to understand that he cared for him, because he did.

"Are you sure that you're fine?" Soubi turned his head to Ritsuka and studied his face. Ritsuka showed no emotion.

"Yes. I'm fine." Ritsuka answered and went back into the house. "Thanks for the tea." Soubi stared after him for a couple of seconds before he also went back into the warmth.


"Do you think you will be able to sleep on this?" Soubi inquired.

"Yeah,it's fine, Soubi."

Soubi laid the large mattress next to his bed and covered it with two soft pillows and a big cover. He smiled at Ritsuka.

"If there's anything you need or want, don't be afraid to ask for it, ne?"

"Okay." Still no emotions. Soubi sighed inwardly.

Ritsuka had been this way the first time he met him too. That was two years ago. But after a while, Ritsuka had changed into a rather happy boy. At least he smiled. He used to smile at Soubi every time they met. It broke Soubi;s heart to see Ritsuka like this.

He had been in this cold and unusual state for the last three weeks. Soubi had tried to ask him what the matter was, but he received no answer. He suddenly understood the frustration Ritsuka must have felt when Soubi refused to give him any kind of information about The Seven Moons. Soubi was relieved though, when he discovered that Ritsuka wasn't just cold to him, but to everybody. Therefore, Soubi knew that it wasn't something he had done. It was probably because of her... his mother.

Soubi hated her so much that he almost regretted having killed her, just so that he could do it to her over and over again. Torture her.
Soubi was awakened from his hateful thoughts when a soft stoic voice reached his ears.

"Ano... Soubi?"

"... yeah?" Soubi looked at Ritsuka.

"Can I take a shower?"

"Oh... yes, of course. It's up the stairs and to the left."

Ritsuka nodded and vanished with a big, white towel over his shoulders.

Ten minutes later, Soubi heard Ritsuka turning off the water. He sighed and crawled into his own bed. Picking up one of his books he started to read as the black-haired boy entered the room.

Soubi glanced quickly at him and almost started blushing. Ritsuka’s hair was still wet and hung in cute bangs all over his head and face. The ears still hung with a sad expression. He was dressed in his pajamas that hung loose on his thin body. Ritsuka gave Soubi a quick smile before he continued drying his hair with the towel.

"Is everything alright, Ritsuka?" Soubi tried to sound uncaring, but he knew he didn't do a very good job at hiding his concern for the small boy. Apparently, Ritsuka thought so too as he gave Soubi a slightly annoyed look before he sighed and nodded. Soubi nodded back and started reading again.

Something disturbed him. Something was wrong with Ritsuka. The boy had seemed relieved after the shower. He had even smiled at Soubi...but the smile was almost… fake. Soubi couldn't shake off the feeling but decided to ignore it as best as he could, for Ritsukas sake.

'I'm sure I'm just imagining it.'
Sleep caught him in its claws and for a few hours Soubi saw or thought of nothing but the calming darkness.


"Soubi..."

Soubi sighed and rolled over on his side.

"Oi, Soubi!" Soubi yawned and cracked an annoyed eye open.

"Whaddaya want?" He murmured with a sleepy voice.

"Breakfast."

Soubi suddenly remembered who it was. And what had happened the night before. He sat up in his bed, a little bit too quickly. A headache started to make itself known. He sighed irritated and kneaded his forehead with his palm.

"Yeah... right. Gomen." He forced himself to get up out of bed and walk out to the kitchen. Ritsuka sat on his mattress and watched as Soubi poured some water into the teapot again.

"Vanilla or Strawberry?" Soubi's eyes were a bit narrowed, partly from the light that soaked he kitchen, but also because his glasses still laid on his desk.

"Vanilla."

"Mmh..." Soubi yawned again and scratched his head a little before he took the tea-bags out of the little can. Soubi shuddered a bit when he realized that he hadn't a shirt on. He was dressed only in a pair of large, grey flannel-trousers.

He went out to the large room again and grabbed a shirt on the bed. Suddenly he heard a slight giggle from Ritsuka. He turned to the dark boy with a slight frown.
"Gomen... it's just... you're so normal today. Usually, you're always so mysterious and perfect, you know." Ritsuka smiled at Soubi again before he turned his attention to Soubi's paintings.

"...Sou... ka..?" Soubi murmured and turned to walk back to the kitchen. Then he heard Ritsuka speak slowly again.

"I like it... it suits you, Soubi."

Soubi stopped and turned around to stare at Ritsuka.

"Oh? You think?" Ritsuka turned to him and slowly walked towards Soubi, who blushed slightly and swallowed.

"Yeah... it's really kawaii." Ritsuka smiled a true smile that filled Soubi with such warmth that he almost didn't realize that he had bent down to catch Ritsuka’s lips with his own. He heard the small gasp and then felt how Ritsuka started to respond.

CHUIIIiiiiiii!!!!
The tea was ready.



-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-



It had been three weeks since Ritsuka moved in with Soubi. Things were going as usual. The whole "mother-thing" was finally over because the police had a lack of substantial evidence. In addition, Ritsuka’s teacher and friends had told the police that they had suspicions of physical abuse from Ritsuka’s mom. The police assumed that the boy, somehow, had acted in self-defense and killed the woman. His youth also helped causing the case to be dropped.

Soubi was annoyed that these so called 'friends' had seen the bruises on Ritsuka yet done nothing. Ritsuka didn't say very much.

Soubi had given him his own room. It was an unused room where he usually kept his unfinished paintings. Ritsuka spent most of his time in there with his books and his new laptop.

Soubi allowed the teen some privacy and only spoke to Ritsuka when he had to. He figured that Ritsuka wanted some space. After all, Soubi did kill his mother.

It hurt though. Soubi wanted to speak to the raven haired boy, hug him... kiss him... Soubi shook his head. Now was not the time to think of such things. He had to finish the new painting before noon and then make dinner for Ritsuka. Yet, he couldn't help but to worry, constantly worry... what if Ritsuka hated him?


"Ritsuka?" Soubi called from the stairs.

"...y-yeah?" Muffled. Soubi narrowed his eyes, something was wrong. Did Ritsuka cry?

"...It's dinner."

"Sou ka... I-I'll be right down!"

Soubi sighed and returned to the kitchen. If Ritsuka did cry, it was nothing unexpected. In one night he was beaten by his own mother and then she had been killed. It must have been awful for him.

After a few minutes, Ritsuka snuck into the kitchen and sat down in front of Soubi who gave him a quick look and then turned his attention to the soup. Ritsuka’s eyes were a bit red and the ears hung in the same sad expression they had been doing almost every day since the night he moved in with Soubi.

"You okay?" Soubi had dropped the "perfect-talk" as Ritsuka called it. He had been so used to the boy by now, plus he figured that Ritsuka needed support from someone with a true heart. He felt as if he had no right to hide his true personality when he had killed one of the most important people in Ritsuka's life. Soubi's heart stung again and he found it hard to swallow the soup. Ritsuka nodded and took a sip from bowl.



Next afternoon.

Soubi sighed with a content smile and tried to remove the spot of paint that somehow was smeared on his left cheek. The painting he had been working on since morning was finally ready.

His hair hung in the usual horsetail he used to have whenever he painted.

"That's it... now I need some tea." He said to himself and walked out to the kitchen. He poured the water into the pot as usual and went out to the large balcony.

A happy little melody from his pocket told him that Ritsuka was calling him. With a small smile he picked up the cell phone and put it to his ear.

"Moshi moshi."

"...It's me." Ritsuka sounded tired and his voice was so soft that Soubi had to strain to hear the words.

"Ritsuka? What's wrong?" He cursed inwardly when he heard how worried he sounded. Ritsuka would just be annoyed.

"I'm... so tired. I can't move. Please... can you come pick me up?" He was pleading. Soubi's heart skipped a beat. Now he was really worried. Ritsuka never begged anyone about anything unless it was something very serious.

"Yeah, sure! Where are you?"

"In the park."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

"..mm."click



Soubi slammed the car door shut and ran towards the small figure who apparently couldn't stand.

"Ritsuka!"

Ritsuka seemed to be too tired to answer and just lifted his head to show that he heard Soubi. He was leaning on a tree and was grasping his left arm with his fist.

"Ritsuka? Ritsuka! Are you alright? What happened? What's wrong with your arm? Why didn't you call sooner?"

Ritsuka didn't answer at first but at the last question he snapped his head up and gave Soubi a very angry look. Soubi went silent and lowered his head.
"Yeah... now you know... how fun it was for me... when you... used to fight on your own..." Ritsuka sighed and went unconscious.

"R-Ritsuka? Ritsuka!"



He placed the wet towel on Ritsuka’s forhead and sighed. As soon as Soubi got home he had phoned Yuiko, who was actually a woman, and probably knew more about caring for sick people. She was also one of Ritsuka's best friends. Though Soubi knew she was still deeply in love with him. Still nobody actually knew that Soubi and Ritsuka were a couple... sort of. Although a lot of people had their suspicions.

"Ritsuka-kuun..." Her eyes were wet and she was on the verge of crying. Soubi sighed and patted her back, hoping that she wouldn't start crying in his home.

'Women are always so troublesome... men are better,' he thought with a smirk and turned his gaze to Ritsuka's pale face again. He had put on his usual, calm and cool face in front of Yuiko, but inwardly he was panicking.

"I'm calling sensei!" Yuiko yelled and grabbed her phone before Soubi had time to stop her. Before he knew it, she had forced the shy teacher to come to his house and take care of Ritsuka with her.

"You didn't have to do that." Soubi said to the pink-haired girl with a slightly annoyed voice.

"Eeeh? Nande? Don't you want Ritsuka to get better?" Yuiko gave Soubi her cutest Chibi-eyes. Soubi sighed.

"I guess so."


"Well...he has bruises all over his face so I'd say he was in a fight." Hisato-sensei said. Soubi gave her a blank look.

'Nooo... ya think?' he thought sarcastically.

"Yeah, I thought so too." He said.

"I'm no doctor, but I think the best thing we can do right now is to stay by his side and take care of his wounds." The woman stood up and walked to the kitchen.
Soubi sat next to Ritsuka, who laid in Soubi’s large bed with the covers all the way up to his chin. Soubi stared at his face until he had to blink and then continued to stare.

'Why the hell were you in a fight, Ritsuka? That's not like you...'

He was abruptly shaken from his thoughts by a loud, coughing sound. It was Ritsuka. He started coughing more and more violently.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi leaned over the boy but had to move away when Ritsuka suddenly sat up, coughing, shaking. Soubi's eyes widened. Blood. Ritsuka was coughing blood.

Don't panic... don't panic... he's gonna be okay... don't panic.

"Ritsuka!" Large blood-stains appeared on Soubi’s sheets but he couldn't care less.

"RITSUKA!!" The two women ran to his side. They squealed when they saw what was going on.

"Ritsuka-kun!"

"Aoyagi-kun!"

Ritsuka finally stopped coughing, he fell back onto the pillows, a small blood-strain ran from his mouth. He had fainted again.

Don'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tp anicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicDon'tpanicD on'tpanic!!!



-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-




"Some coffee, Soubi-kun?"

Soubi's head snapped up and he stared at the doctor in front of him. She looked at him with understanding eyes.

"No, thanks... I don’t need anything." He said quietly and started to fall to sleep again. He had been at the hospital all night. It was 3 pm, and he still didn't know how Ritsuka was.

"I understand... well, he should be waking up any minute now, so I guess I could let you go to him." She smiled. "It's probably best if there's someone he knows by his side when he wakes up in an unknown room, ne?"

Soubi nodded and smiled.

'About time...'

"This way."

Soubi followed the older woman through the corridors until they arrived at room number 205. She opened the door and put a finger to her mouth, as a sign for Soubi to stay quiet.

'As if I was going to start crying or screaming.' Soubi snorted inwardly.
But when he got to Ritsuka's bed, he was actually close to tears. The room was dark, only a bed lamp on Ritsuka's left side shined through the darkness.
Ritsuka looked pale, but not as pale as earlier. Soubi sighed with relief. He sat down on a chair by the bed and grasped the smaller boy's hand in his own, kissing it lightly.

"Is he your outoto, Soubi-san?" The female asked.
Soubi gave her a quick look and didn't quite know what to say. He knew how embarrassed Ritsuka used to get about Soubi. He even found shame in kissing, so Soubi decided to lie.

He nodded.

"Y-yes... he is my..."

"No... I'm not." A tired voice reached Soubi’s ears.

Ritsuka cracked his eyes open and glared a bit at the doctor.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi held a firm grip to Ritsuka’s hand and bent closer to Ritsuka to caress his chin with the other hand.

"Soubi..." Ritsuka's eyes were half open, and he smiled weakly at him. Soubi felt wetness on his own chin and realized he was crying.

"You...You scared the hell out of me!" He whispered and smiled back. Ritsuka laughed a bit, coughed, and nodded.

"Yeah, well... now you know how I felt... ne?"

Soubi laughed shortly and continued to hold Ritsuka's hand, and soon he felt Ritsuka respond to the grip.

"...sumimasen, demo… what is your relation? I need to know so I can call Ritsuka's parents or..."

"My parents are dead!" Ritsuka cut the doctor off and gave her a dark look. She stared at him with shocked and concerned eyes. Ritsuka didn't seem to care.

"I've been living with Soubi ever since."

"Sou ka... demo.... who is Soubi then? Your cousin or aniki?"

Ritsuka continued to stare at the woman with annoyed eyes. Soubi dared not move or say anything. Neither did the woman. Soubi smiled inwardly. He would never figure out how Ritsuka managed to have this effect to everyone. Ritsuka was small, sure, but he really knew how to gain respect.

After a few seconds of glaring, Ritsuka closed his eyes and leaned into the pillows.

"No..." He sighed irritated. "He is my boyfriend."

"Y-your... boyfriend?" The doctor stuttered. She flushed and started fidgeting.

Soubi stared in disbelief at Ritsuka. Ritsuka sat up in the bed and nodded with a rather uncaring look, as if it was the most common thing in the world.

"Yes. Is there a problem?" He gave her a look that said 'You better not think it's a problem... or else.'

"Oh... No, of course not!" She blushed, gave them a quick smile then bowed and started to write something on a paper.

"Well, then... I would like to have Soubi-san's phone-number, in case we need to see you again. Is that alright?"

"Whatever." Ritsuka sighed and looked out the window.

Soubi gave her his cell phone number and then she left. The room fell absolutely quiet. Ritsuka still stared out the window. Soubi watched Ritsuka in silence while admiring his beautiful features; the cute ears and the feminine entrancing mouth. He leaned in closer to the black-haired boy. They were only inches from each other. Soubi felt his own cheeks get flustered. Surprisingly enough, it didn't make him embarrassed.

"You didn't have to say that, you know." He said quietly to Ritsuka who turned his head a little to look Soubi in the eyes.

"I'm sorry... I just... felt like it." He smiled. "Do you have a problem with me telling people you're my boyfriend?" He said with a teasing voice. Soubi smiled.

"Oh, no... no. Not at all." He leaned closer to Ritsuka and kissed his chin. Ritsuka blushed, as usual and Soubi smiled. He held his position for a moment, letting Ritsuka decide if he wanted more. After a few seconds Ritsuka slowly turned his head so that Soubi's lips were closer to his own.

They longed, yearned for each other. That force brought them both together as their lips met. Soubi's tongue slipped into Ritsuka's mouth and the teen gasped before he started to return the kiss hungrily. One of Soubi's hands was on top of Ritsuka's leg, while the other one still caressed the young boy's chin.

He felt Risuka's hands grasp his shoulders. Soubi felt the need grow stronger and he knew that if it went on any longer, he wouldn't be able to stop himself. He hesitantly parted from Ritsuka. Both were breathing heavily and Ritsuka's cheeks were flushed.

"Soubi..." Ritsuka whispered breathlessly.

Soubi met his gaze and smiled when Ritsuka fell asleep in just mere seconds. Pretty soon, the teen was deeply asleep. Soubi watched as the smaller frame rose and fell from Ritsuka's calm breathing.

'He looks so peaceful when he's asleep...' Soubi thought before his eyes fell on the bandages on Ritska’s arms and face. 'Ritsuka... you just wait... when I find out who did this to you... I'm gonna kick their asses!'



-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-



" Soubi-san...I really need to talk to you." The female doctor said with a serious look on her face. Ritsuka had been sleeping peacefully since he fell asleep. It was now 10 pm, and Soubi felt an urge to go straight to closest bed and never, ever get up. He gave her a rather annoyed look. This time, she didn't back away.

"What is it?"

"It's about Ritsuka." She said and wiggled her finger as a sign for him to follow her out of the room.

Ritsuka whined a bit in his sleep when Soubi let go of his hand, but soon settled and continued to breathe calmly. Soubi's eyes narrowed from the sharp light in the corridor, but the female doctor didn't seem to care very much.

"I have to ask you some simple questions, Soubi-san." She said. She looked very serious and concerned. Soubi gaped a bit and felt the anger grow. He knew this would occur sooner or later.

"Look, baa-san! I'm not some freakin' pervert, alright? I'm not like that, if you don't believe me you can ask Ritsuka himself... except he's asleep right now... but I would never do something like that until he wants me to and-" The woman put her hand on Soubi’s mouth to hush him.

"That's not what I was asking about."

"Then what?" Soubi inquired skeptically.

"Well, we just got a call from Ritsuka's school-teacher and...well, it seems as though the situation has changed."

"What do you mean?" Soubi narrowed his eyes.

The doctor still looked dead-serious and sighed.

"The teacher told me that... well, the guys who caused Ritsuka-kun's bruises... It seems as though Ritsuka was the one picking a fight with them, not vice versa."

Soubi snorted. ’What a ridiculous thought. Ritsuka, picking a fight? Ha!’

"Yeah right... I don't think so. Ritsuka hates violence."

"Really? Because the whole class watched as Ritsuka-"

"Look, lady! I know Ritsuka, okay? He hates violence more than anything in the world!"

"But-"

"His own mother used to kick his ass every night, before she died!" Soubi yelled before he could stop himself. Chest heaving, he finally realized what he had said and covered his mouth with his hand. He turned his back to the doctor.

"I'm sorry, but I simply do not believe that Ritsuka would seek out violence." He started to walk towards Ritsuka's room again and was about to open the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He growled irritated.

"What now?"

"I understand your feelings, but this is really important. If you care the least for Ritsuka's safety, you will listen!" The doctor sounded almost angry and the grip on Soubi's shoulder was firm. Soubi stared at her.

"Fine then." He stated, defeated.


-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


They sat in the cafeteria, drinking tea. Soubi took a sip and then continued to stare at the doctor again. He wasn't really very interested in tea at that moment.

"Explain then, before I change my mind." Soubi demanded with a serious tone. The doctor sighed and nodded.

"It's really a great luck that we discovered this so soon, it'll probably be rather easy to fix the problem."

"Explain." Soubi was getting annoyed.

"Well, first of all, I'm going to repeat what I told you earlier. It would seem as though Ritsuka actually was the one picking a fight. But when the fight started he didn't even seem to care about punching back. He just received the hits and punches as if he actually wanted them, like he wanted to get hurt."

"That's -"

"Don't interrupt." She said abruptly, brow furrowed. She then took another sip from her tea. Soubi got more annoyed.

'She's the one telling me it's dead-serious and now she sits here drinking her fucking tea as we were out enjoying ourselves!'

"You see, Soubi-kun, it all makes sense. You probably haven't noticed yet, but we have actually found cuts on Ritsuka-kun's wrists. At first we thought that it might be cuts from the fight, but if you look closely, you can see that some of the scars are older than others. Do you understand, Soubi-kun?"

Soubi had frozen in his chair.

'Ritsuka...is...hurting himself?! Nande? Why the hell…?!'

"Soubi-kun!"

Soubi's head snapped and he looked at the doctor with confused eyes.

"You're telling me... Ritsu is ...cutting himself?" He finally spoke. Weak, there was no strength left in his voice. He turned his gaze to the dark-brown tea and got lost in it.

"Yes, there's a high possibility that's the case. Actually, we're more certain that's the case." She proclaimed with a concerned voice. "But, Soubi-kun, don't despair. You see, it's only been going on for a few weeks. That's really good news." She somehow managed to smile a bit.

Soubi didn't even have the strength to turn his gaze from the tea and glare at this ridiculous sounding woman.

"How, exactly, is this good? My boyfriend is cutting himself. Please, doc... you tell me, how this is good?" He said with a monotonic voice.

"No, of course I don't mean the cutting. But don't you understand? If we start to help him right now, it's a good chance that he will recover very soon."

"I see."

'I can't believe I didn't notice anything. I can't believe it. What kind of lousy, pathetic, piece of shit am I?'

"Don't worry, Soubi-kun. It's not your fault. I can see how much you two care for each other. And that's the whole point of me dragging you here."

"Sou ..ka?" Soubi finally met the doctor's gaze.

"Yes. It's quite obvious that you are one of the most precious people in his life. Actually, the best thing we all can do right now is to let him be... alone, with you. And you must understand how important it is for you to be there with, and for, him." She smiled again. "You see, after a teenager suffers a great trauma, like the one with his mother, it often ends up like this. You must talk to him, try to understand his feelings. But don't pressure him. Let him speak to you at his own pace. I believe he will recover soon with you by his side. So, I think it's safe for you to bring him home."

Soubi stared blankly at her. He was relieved beyond words.

'Ritsu, I'm gonna be there every second. You better believe it.'

He nodded and managed to smile faintly.

"Thank you."

With that, he rose from the chair and returned to Ritsuka's room.


-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


Soubi was almost asleep while sitting next to Ritsuka's bed. He had been waiting for the boy to wake up for the past three hours. Small glimpses of sunshine leaked into the room. They were the only thing that kept Soubi from falling to sleep.

Suddenly he felt a slight tugging in his sleeve. His head snapped up and he found himself a few inches from Ritsuka's blushing face. The younger boy's eyes were wide, and it was rather obvious that he didn't expect Soubi to snap like that.
Soubi felt his own cheeks go warm and he cleared his throat.

"Ritsuka... you're awake." He tried to smile, but it felt fake and wrong, now knowing what Ritsuka had been up to all those hours he spent in the shower.
Ritsuka smiled and bent towards Soubi's face.

"Yeah... the sun.. kinda woke... me...up..." He kissed Soubi lightly but, oh, so tender. Soubi felt himself melt into the touch. He kissed back, hungrily. In time he managed to end the kiss though and cleared his throat again. Ritsuka pouted a bit.

"What's the matter? You're allowed to kiss me whenever you feel like it, but I don't even get a wake-up-kiss?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest. Soubi smiled in amusement at his koi at first, but soon the smile faded and was replaced with a very serious look. Ritsuka looked worried, almost nervous. He started to unconsciously rub his left wrist.

"Soubi? Dosta?"

Soubi didn't respond at first. Ritsuka looked even more nervous.

"Did something happen?" He bit his lower lip. "Please tell me... what's wrong?"

Then Soubi snapped. He looked at Ritsuka with almost angry eyes. Ritsuka swallowed.

"I could ask you the same thing." He said with a low tone. Ritsuka's eyes widened. Soon they were filled with tears.

"Oh God... you know, don’t you?" Ritsuka whispered. He looked almost panicked and rubbed his wrist even harder. The tears burst and fell down his cheeks. Soubi didn't do anything to sooth the younger boy.

"If you're talking about you turning out to be a masochist, yeah... I know about it."

Ritsuka's head snapped up and he looked at Soubi with shocked eyes. There was anger hidden beneath it.

"I'm not a masochist, you idiot!" He snarled between sobs. His eyes were so angry that Soubi almost felt ashamed, but he was still so angry with Ritsuka, himself, and above all else, he was afraid. 'Afraid' wasn't even the right word. He was scared out of his mind. He had no idea how to handle this new situation.

Ritsuka was now sobbing uncontrollably, hiding his face in his hands. Soubi said nothing.

"I...I'm n-not a masochist, baka! Usuratonkashi! Don't ever call me that again!" Ritsuka hissed between the sobs.

"Oh really?" Soubi hated himself for acting so cold-hearted, but somehow he knew that this was the only way to get Ritsuka to open up. Anger. When anger filled the black-haired boy he became very strong.

Ritsuka looked into Soubi's eyes. The teen's eyes were soaked in tears. He started to undo his bandages without turning is gaze from Soubi's eyes.
Soubi swallowed. He knew exactly what Ritsuka was doing, even though he did not turn his gaze from Ritsuka’s eyes either. Soon the thin wrists were uncovered, exposed. Ritsuka was breathing harshly.

"This hurts, you son of a bitch!" He yelled and made more tears fall on the blankets. Soubi stared at the scars. Ritsuka's wrists were completely covered with small, red and pink lines. Soubi felt his eyes turn warm. Ritsuka held the wrists in front of his face, almost desperately.

"I'm not doing it because I'm enjoying it!" He yelled again and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Then why do you do it?!" Soubi yelled back. He felt the first tears burst from his eyes and fall down his chin. He started to tremble.

"...Soubi.." Ritsuka whispered and stared at Soubi with big, almost terrified, eyes.
Soubi hardly heard the words. He hid his eyes with his hands and started to sob.

"Please...please, tell me... what's wrong? I don't know what to do to ease your pain... I feel so useless! Please tell me why the hell you cut yourself?!" He half-sobbed, half-yelled. Ritsuka stared at him. He had never seen Soubi so upset before.

"I-I'm so sorry. Soubi..." He said silently. Soubi looked upon him with soaked eyes.

Soubi stood up, walked closer to the bed and sat on the edge. He then slowly lowered himself beside Ritsuka who started to tremble. Soubi put his arms around Ritsuka's little body and firmly held him close to his chest. Stiff at first, but soon the teen melted into the embrace, and he started to cry again. Soubi cried with him, though the younger boy was a bit louder than Soubi. He sobbed loudly and whimpered while he trembled like mad in Soubi's arms.

"Shh... calm down, sweetie. I'm here. No one can hurt you." He whispered while he was rocking the boy gently and soon the violent crying ebbed away to small sobs.

"Soubiii..." Ritsuka whimpered. The boy clutched Soubi's shirt and drenched it with his tears. Soubi didn't mind. He could tell... soon Ritsuka would open up and talk to him. He just needed Ritsuka to trust him. He knew what to do to gain that trust.

Soubi would tell Ritsuka the utter truth. Hide nothing. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I love you, Ritsu. I love you so much it almost hurts. You hear me? I don't care what anyone says. That's why I don't wanna hide it when we meet other people... or when we are in town, shopping or... whatever. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart."

Ritsuka stopped crying. He stopped trembling.

"H-honto?" He whispered silently into Soubi's shirt.

"Yes. I love you."

"Do you say that because Seimei wanted you to?" Ritsuka whispered and stiffened a bit, afraid of what the answer might be.

"No. I love you. Purely from me. It is my heart... my soul. I know what I am feeling. I love you, Ritsu. I promise."

"...I love you too."

Soubi's grip tightened.

"Please, koi... let me help you. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. Please, I beg of you, tell me what's wrong."

Ritsuka started to tremble again. The sobs started to resurface again.

"I-I can't! You'll hate me... You'll think I'm crazy!" Ritsuka whispered between the sobs. Soubi caressed his back.

"No, love. I promise I won't."

"But you don't know what it is yet. How can you promise me that if you don't know what I'm about to say?"

"You'll have to trust me." Soubi whispered closely to Ritsuka's ear, making the younger boy shiver.

"It's...it's because..." Soubi could tell that the boy shut his eyes closed, even though he didn't see his face. "It's because of mother!" The boy finally said loudly, the voice shivered with fear... and something else. Shame? Hate?

"Your... mother?" Soubi stiffened. So it was his fault. He knew it... Ritsuka did hate him.

"Yeah..." Ritsuka whispered. He shivered and didn't seem to know what to say anymore. As if he wanted Soubi to say something. Soubi was numb. His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach.

"I'm... so sorry." He finally said. Avoiding Ritsukas gaze, Soubi released the smaller teen and rose from the bed. He felt the boy stiffen.

"S-Soubi...?"

Soubi started to walk towards the door. Was there a hint of blame in Ritsuka’s voice?

"I'll leave you alone..." Soubi was interrupted, just as he was about to open the door. Ritsuka screamed.

"I knew it!!"

Soubi froze and did not move. He listened to Ritsuka's sobbing.

"I...I knew it... Soubi, you BAKA! Everything you just told me was a lie, ne? You don't love me, you son of a bitch! You just wanted me to tell you what's wrong so that you can go on with your crappy life... *sob sob*... without me!!"

Soubi turned around with a shocked expression on his face. Now he was really confused. Wasn't Ritsuka supposed to hate him?

Ritsuka sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't make a noise. He just sat there, face hidden in his hands. Shoulders low, knees in different, weak positions. It was the total image of a defeated boy.

"Ritsuka..."

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it! Go away!" The silent boy suddenly screamed, interrupting Soubi's words. Ritsuka sobbed helplessly.

"I told you... you'd hate me.... usuratonkashi... I hate you..." The words became more difficult to hear, until they were mere whispers.

Soubi slowly started to walk towards Ritsuka who was still hiding his face in his hands.

"Ritsuka..."

"Beat it! Leave me alone!" Ritsuka didn't even seem to have the strength to scream anymore. He just spoke, with a rather weak, shivering voice. Soubi didn't leave. He knew Ritsuka didn't want him to leave, even though he said so. And Soubi didn't want to leave either.

"Ritsuka..."

Ritsuka didn't answer. He was shaking and trembling with sobs. The tears escaped through his fingers.

Soubi felt terrible; confused and terrible. He had hurt Ritsuka, although he didn't really understand. Ritsuka just told him... wait... what did Ritsuka actually tell him? Ritsuka just said 'It's because of mother!' He didn't say anything about hating him or that the whole mess was his fault in any way.

"Ritsuka..." He sat down next to Ritsuka and pulled the crying boy into his arms. Ritsuka whined a bit, but didn't have the energy to resist any more than that.

"Gomen. I misunderstood. What I just told you... every word was true. I promise." He kissed Ritsuka's hair. The smaller boy sighed and nuzzled closer to Soubi's chest.

"What did you... misunderstand?" Ritsuka whispered. He was on the verge of sleep again.

"I thought that you... no, never mind." He ran his fingers through Ritsuka's hair.

"Please tell me..."

"I thought that you... might... hate me... because I killed your mother." Soubi whispered and his voice sounded wary, weak and shaky... as if he was about to cry himself.

Ritsuka gasped. He pushed himself away a few inches from Soubi to be able to meet the blonde's gaze. Ritsuka's eyes were wet and big. Red after all the tears.

"No! No way! How could you even..?" He sobbed again and a big drop made its way down his chin. Before Soubi had time to understand what exactly he was doing, ha had licked the teardrop away from the pale chin. Ritsuka shivered as his cheeks flushed.

"I could never hate you..." Ritsuka purred and buried himself in Soubi's chest again.

Soubi held him tight. His arrms unwilling to let the boy go. Suddenly Soubi felt a familiar wetness on his own chin. He was crying.

"Thank you." They fell asleep while the sun still shined on their faces, though none of them seemed to care.

End of chapter.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-



So what do you think? This (was) my first fanfic. I wrote it four or five months ago, but since I've got a beta now, I thought I should update it. ^^ It should be a bit easier to read now. But my english has actually been improving a lot during these past months. I started reading fanfics about eight months ago, and since then my english been going better and better.
(I've got the highest grade in english! ^^) Any way, I just wanted to thank all of you.

Oh and, you know I love reviews.

Look forward to the next chappie; It will contain a LEMON! ^^

See yah!