Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ Presence Excluded ❯ Presence Excluded ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: WereWriter 
Who likes hospitals, anyway?
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 09.24.2008 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 1.1K | Status: Completed
Who likes hospitals, anyway?
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 09.24.2008 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 1.1K | Status: Completed
Soubi and Ritsuka had had an argument in the park. The usual one. Septimal Moon, the fact that Soubi should stop saying he loved Ritsuka, Seimei, lies. It was like every argument made the pressure build, and build, and today it had reached its limit and still gotten higher. They'd cracked. Soubi had felt that as soon as Ritsuka had turned on his heels and ran away furiously. Soubi had taken two minutes to snap out of the shock of realisation and give chase.
He found him three blocks down from the park, at a crossroads.
"Ritsuka!" he called. The boy stopped as he finished crossing the street and turned around. Soubi, relieved, ran on.
Ritsuka's eyes got wide as he saw Soubi practically throw himself in front of the oncoming truck. Soubi didn't even scream when it hit, catapulting him in the air, rolling over the roof of the container being transported and land on his side on the street with a smack, inches away from the next car--whose driver had seen the blonde come flying through the sky--which stopped. Soubi didn't move.
*****
"He--He has to wake up!"
The nurses didn't understand! And they weren't listening! Soubi--
"He's in the operation room right now, but--"
Operation? Cutting into Soubi? Hurting him more?
"SOUBI! SOUBIIII!!"
Ritsuka never saw the needle coming, but he did notice how the world started spinning, got fuzzy and became black.
When he woke up, he was lying in a sofa in a hospital room. Soubi was lying in the actual bed, his chest covered in bandages, one arm filled with scary-looking needles, the other encased in plaster, a mask on his face. His hair--that long, soft hair--was wet and dark with sweat.
Ritsuka got up from the sofa, ignored the way his head hurt, the world spun and his mouth tasted weird, and stumbled over to Soubi.
"Soubi?" he whispered. Ritsuka's only reply was the continuing beeps and pings from the machines they'd wired up to Soubi. Ritsuka didn't know what they meant, if they were telling him Soubi was okay or if he was dying.
"Wake up, Soubi. Please."
Ritsuka already felt the tears coming up. Soubi was hurt, and it was his fault, again. He hadn't taken good care of him. He'd just yelled and gotten angry and ran away. Soubi, like always, had come to find him. And it had ended badly.
"Soubi. Soubi, wake up. This isn't funny. Wake up."
But he didn't.
*****
Soubi felt light as soon as he closed his eyes. The pain left. Grey became black became white. There was no pain. No one hurting him. It was peaceful.
He smiled and got up. The street was suddenly empty. He started walking in no particular direction and came to the park where he and Ritsuka had had their argument. The sun was still shining. Ritsuka wasn't there.
And that made sense, because Ritsuka had probably walked on after seeing Soubi chase after him. He'd go to him in a few hours, after he'd cooled down a little.
He walked home. Distance, or maybe time, seemed a bit of an illusion. Miles became steps and he was home almost as soon as he'd thought it.
There was no one in. All the cupboards and closets were empty, the bed was just a bare mattress. His painting supplies, gaming console, painted canvases--gone.
And still Soubi didn't really worry. He recognised the disappearance of all his possessions as strange, but worry didn't quite manage to kick in. If his stuff was gone, then he probably didn't need to be here.
He walked out of the house and just wandered about.
"Soubi."
He recongised the voice, but no fear came.
"Ritsu-sensei."
"Soubi. You're hurt."
"Yes."
Yes, he was hurt. But it didn't matter.
"Do you like the way you feel now?"
There still was no fear as he replied.
"Yes. It's nice here."
"Then stay."
It seemed a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Just... Stay here. In this peaceful, empty place. Even the buildings were now getting fuzzy.
"Okay."
"You'll never be with Seimei again. Or Kio. Or anyone else. You'll always be here. Always alone."
"I don't mind being alone."
******
"He's in a coma."
That's what the nurse had said. She hadn't understood how Soubi's injuries had all healed in less than a week, or why Ritsuka seemed so desperate every time someone so much as hinted at making him leave.
Ritsuka ate the meals they brought for Soubi only long after they'd gotten cold, when a new one would come in just a few minutes. One of the psychiatrists had written a note for school, so he could stay.
Ritsuka only left Soubi's side to go to the bathroom, or when one of the nurses came, drugged him up, took him away, cleaned him up, put him in fresh clothes and put him back.
They didn't understand. Soubi couldn't be in a coma. Soubi was... Soubi was Soubi. And Soubi was always there. Always. Even when he was just sleeping, he'd wake up if Ritsuka asked. Soubi healed terrible wounds in a matter of days. Soubi was his Fighter. He couldn't just be... Not there.
He'd always thought that Soubi was beautiful, but knowing that Soubi, lying there was he was, wasn't really there, that it was just his body, made him ugly. This couldn't be Soubi.
"Soubi," he sobbed. "Soubi, wake up. Soubi, please."
No reaction. Ritsuka hopelessly put his head onto the matress and sheets next to Soubi's hand.
The only person who seemed to know, instinctively, that he needed to be told he was loved, touched and maybe even kissed regularly, wasn't home. No one but Soubi seemed to get it.
"Soubi, please," he repeated. "I miss you."
*****
The buildings had gone. So had the voice of his teacher.
Soubi leaned back in the perfect warmth of this fuzzy, white place. Just being here was like waking up on that first Sunday morning of the summer holiday, wrapped up warmly in your blankets, wearing your favorite pajamas and knowing that this day would be the best in ages.
He was content here, and would be forever.
Forever?
Yes. Yes, forever. Nothing could beat this feeling.
*****
Ritsuka had freaked when they'd removed the oxygen mask and the cast and a few of the needles. Were they insane? Soubi needed those to get better!
The nurses had explained that those things had done their job, that what they were supposed to make better already was better. That Soubi waking up was entirely up to Soubi alone. Ritsuka had cried the whole night.
"Soubi, wake up, goddamnit! That's an order!" he'd shouted. But Soubi hadn't even reacted to that. Ritsuka had fallen asleep with the certainity that the nurses were wrong, and Soubi was lost forever.
*****
There was twinge in his ear, as though somebody had shouted something right next to it. Soubi hadn't heard anything.
But suddenly, there was a word in his mind, through the white haze that was omnipresent in this place.
"...order!"
It was Ritsuka's voice, high and shrill with desperation.
The idea of Ritsuka in despair dented his contented feeling a little.
He'd seen Ritsuka a few hours ago, he had been fine. Still was, because he couldn't feel any distress coming from the boy, even when he tried to reach out.
And that, even here, didn't make sense.
Maybe he was too hurt to feel Ritsuka.
Or maybe it was the fact that they weren't connected at all that made it so he couldn't feel Ritsuka.
Maybe Ritsuka really was hurt, had gotten an accident after crossing that street. He should go check on him. Just to make sure.
*****
The almost dark blue line on the monitor below the heart rate monitor, but besides the breathing monitor had changed.
Ritsuka had called the nurse, who'd called a neurologist.
"He's dreaming."
The man sounded surprised, checked the heart rate, the blood pressure, Soubi's pupils.
"He appears to be... scared."
"Scared?" Ritsuka asked, looking Soubi over. Soubi's expression hadn't changed at all.
*****
He'd had to look long before finding the empty city again. He was in his empty house. Which wouldn't do.
He went down the familiar streets to Ritsuka's home, and now time seemed so very real, distance nothing less than it was. It was like trying to walk through water up to his neck, or against a very strong wind.
Soubi climbed up the balcony to Ritsuka's room. It wasn't empty. Relief washed over Soubi to see that the bed was slept on, half a cookie lay forgotten next to the pc and Ritsuka's schoolbag had some dirty underwear hanging from it. Soubi smiled and snuck in.
He touched the soft cotton sheets, the humming computer and laughed at the tagboard.
The laughter died before it had even begun to come out.
Ritsuka's pictures, the memories they'd made together... The pictures Soubi had taken were just silver-grey rectangles. The ones strangers had made of them together showed just Ritsuka, alone, looking lost and a little confused. One picture was just a landscape. Soubi remembered standing a bit in front of the spot where that picture had been taken, with a giddy twelve-year-old in front of him.
He stormed downstairs, but there was no one in the house. Fear now having penetrated good and well through Soubi's euphoria hooked its evil little claws in and hissed through Soubi's mind all the things that could have happened to Ritsuka after he'd gotten hurt and left Ritsuka alone.
...
What?
*****
"...ka..."
It was just a sigh, but Ritsuka was over at Soubi's side in less than a second. That nightmare line hadn't disappeared. Soubi's mouth had opened.
"Soubi!" Ritsuka cried out. "Soubi, can you hear me?"
But Soubi didn't react. His mouth was just open, jaw slack. He looked a little more like he was sleeping, now. Ritsuka went to sit on his knees on his chair.
No, not like he was sleeping.
Ritsuka blushed as he remembered the first time Soubi had opened his mouth like that. He'd never *seen* it, like this, but he'd *felt* it.
God, how long had it been? Two weeks? Had Soubi kissed him that day?
Ritsuka didn't remember Soubi's last kiss. He'd never made memories of one. Partially because it was awkward asking stranger to take a snapshot of a kiss, and partially because his mom would freak if she'd find it.
Ritsuka started to tremble. Maybe he hadn't kissed Soubi at all. Maybe it had just been... hallucinations. Just like Soubi saying he loved him. It would explain the whole what-on-earth-are-you-talking-about expression Soubi got when Ritsuka got up in his face about it.
But...
"Soubi, wake up. Just wake up. I'll do anything if you just wake up."
Ritsuka hopefully stared at Soubi. He didn't so much as flicker an eyelid. Hot tears stung Ritsuka's eyes.
"I love you, you bastard. Now wake UP!"
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Soubi's open mouth, sucking a little. Soubi didn't respond. And maybe that was what bothered Ritsuki the most.
*****
Soubi was out of breath, running full out. He moved onwards at a crawling pace.
Ritsuka was gone!
He'd left Ritsuka alone! He'd told Ritsu-sensei he didn't mind being alone, and somehow--
"RITSUKA!!!"
--that had stolen what little connection to Ritsuka he possessed.
"RITSUKAAAA!!!"
Their last argument was replaying in his head, their last few hours together.
He hadn't told Ritsuka he loved him. Hadn't stolen a kiss. Ritsuka never took the initiative, and waiting for it was stupid! He was twelve, he didn't have the social skills--and this was just one of the many arguments for that particular flaw in the boy--to know when Soubi needed to hear he was loved, when Soubi wanted to be kissed until he nearly fainted.
Ritsuka needed to have someone take care of him as much as Soubi needed it.
That was their problem, why they always argued.
What Soubi hadn't seen even with Ritsuka screaming at him, he saw now, running through that deserted town that didn't hold Ritsuka.
They both needed being taken care of. But it was a different care.
Soubi didn't need to be comforted and held and get told it would be all okay and he was safe now. He knew that as soon as he thought of Ritsuka. But he needed Ritsuka to acknowledge him. Order him. Lead the parts of his life he couldn't lead himself.
He suddenly got an idea and made a U-turn. Maybe Ritsuka *was* here, but hurt, too! And hurt people--well, normal hurt people or people pretending to be normal who were hurt--went to hospitals when they were!
Soubi ran into the white building as soon as he could, and started checking each and every room. They were all clean and empty, waiting for people who needed the rest.
Ritsuka needed protecting from others. Soubi needed protecting from his own sense of reasoning. If he ever found Ritsuka, ever got back, he'd present that line of reasoning to the boy. See if they could work something out.
Soubi's spirits fell with each floor he finished without finding Ritsuka.
To his shock, the stairs stopped at the top floor. This was the last place where Ritsuka could be, he'd have to check each house in the empty city if he wasn't--
Room 23-85 was locked. Soubi's eyes got wide. No doors had been locked anywhere before. He pressed his ear against the door. Someone was sobbing on the other side of the door. Someone young.
Soubi started beating at the door, kicking against it, slamming his shoulder against it, rattling, rattling, rattling at the doorknob.
"Ritsuka! Ritsuka! I can't--"
*****
"...Can't..."
Ritsuka shot up, straight awake immediately. Had he just heard something?
He looked around the room, which was silent that night, only the hiss of the airco, the beep of all the monitors and the sound of Soubi's rapid breathing.
Rapid breathing? Ritsuka looked Soubi over worriedly. To his delight, Soubi was frowning, sweat beading on his face. His lips moved with each gasp for more air. The heart rate monitor was going crazy.
After seventeen days of doing it, he really ought to stop hoping like this. But he didn't.
"Soubi?" he whispered.
"...Door..."
"Soubi! Soubi!"
Ritsuka couldn't help himself. He shook Soubi by his arm, probably upsetting the needles in his arms.
"SOUBI!"
*****
Someone was hitting the door back. Pain raced up my left arm, and he was vaguely aware that it felt like at least ten needles in his flesh being moved around. He kept on hammering on the wood, until he felt his strike hit at the same time as the one on the other side of the door, which crumbled.
There was blinding light, and pain, and a nasty taste in Soubi's mouth.
"Soubi! Soubi!"
And there was Ritsuka. Beautiful, young Ritsuka, leaning over him, his eyes filled with tears.
"Rit--"
He coughed, his throat itchy with the dry hospital air.
Ritsuka frantically hit a button next to his bed.
Soubi sighed and leaned a bit harder into the pillow, closing his eyes against the stinging sunlight. Ritsuka cried out in fear.
"Soubi!"
He opened his eyes to look at the boy again. Ritsuka leaned closer, upsetting his left arm, which was full of needles.
"Don't leave me alone like that again. Please. Please."
Soubi watched in confusion. He'd been out of it for, what, a day? Time had seemed funny.
A nurse came in.
*****
Soubi had taken Ritsuka with him when he left the hospital.
Even with him awake, Ritsuka had refused to leave. Soubi had accepted it, despite knowing that Ritsuka had missed more than enough of school, and shared his meals with the boy.
"I love you, Ritsuka."
He said it more since waking up, not sure in what other way he could make up for leaving the boy alone and worried.
"I love you, too, Soubi."
Soubi stopped walking in the direction of the bus stop. Ritsuka turned around.
"What?"
"Did you just say--"
"Yeah."
Ritsuka walked back to him, took his hand and pulled him onwards to the bus stop. Soubi knew he was grinning like an idiot and was vaguely stupefied from the sheer serotonin overdose. Ritsuka had said--Ritsuka, who didn't lie, had--
Squealing, however tempting, would be unsightly, he decided.
They stopped at the bus stop. Ritsuka turned to the timetable. Soubi went to sit on the little bench as the boy checked between the clock and the table.
"Our bus is in thirteen minu--Whoa--Hmmmm..."
Ritsuka was surprised to find himself being pulled in Soubi's lap and getting kissed, enthusiastically. Soubi had never before used... tongue. Ritsuka felt himself blush and pulled away.
"Ritsuka? Is there something wrong?"
Yes, his knees felt trembly and his spine was like jelly and he was so, so hot all of a sudden.
"Yes," he started, and immediately saw Soubi's face fall. "I haven't brushed my teeth in nearly three weeks."
Soubi blinked, then smiled, pulling Ritsuka closer.
"Neither have I," he whispered, and leaned back in.
*****
He found him three blocks down from the park, at a crossroads.
"Ritsuka!" he called. The boy stopped as he finished crossing the street and turned around. Soubi, relieved, ran on.
Ritsuka's eyes got wide as he saw Soubi practically throw himself in front of the oncoming truck. Soubi didn't even scream when it hit, catapulting him in the air, rolling over the roof of the container being transported and land on his side on the street with a smack, inches away from the next car--whose driver had seen the blonde come flying through the sky--which stopped. Soubi didn't move.
*****
"He--He has to wake up!"
The nurses didn't understand! And they weren't listening! Soubi--
"He's in the operation room right now, but--"
Operation? Cutting into Soubi? Hurting him more?
"SOUBI! SOUBIIII!!"
Ritsuka never saw the needle coming, but he did notice how the world started spinning, got fuzzy and became black.
When he woke up, he was lying in a sofa in a hospital room. Soubi was lying in the actual bed, his chest covered in bandages, one arm filled with scary-looking needles, the other encased in plaster, a mask on his face. His hair--that long, soft hair--was wet and dark with sweat.
Ritsuka got up from the sofa, ignored the way his head hurt, the world spun and his mouth tasted weird, and stumbled over to Soubi.
"Soubi?" he whispered. Ritsuka's only reply was the continuing beeps and pings from the machines they'd wired up to Soubi. Ritsuka didn't know what they meant, if they were telling him Soubi was okay or if he was dying.
"Wake up, Soubi. Please."
Ritsuka already felt the tears coming up. Soubi was hurt, and it was his fault, again. He hadn't taken good care of him. He'd just yelled and gotten angry and ran away. Soubi, like always, had come to find him. And it had ended badly.
"Soubi. Soubi, wake up. This isn't funny. Wake up."
But he didn't.
*****
Soubi felt light as soon as he closed his eyes. The pain left. Grey became black became white. There was no pain. No one hurting him. It was peaceful.
He smiled and got up. The street was suddenly empty. He started walking in no particular direction and came to the park where he and Ritsuka had had their argument. The sun was still shining. Ritsuka wasn't there.
And that made sense, because Ritsuka had probably walked on after seeing Soubi chase after him. He'd go to him in a few hours, after he'd cooled down a little.
He walked home. Distance, or maybe time, seemed a bit of an illusion. Miles became steps and he was home almost as soon as he'd thought it.
There was no one in. All the cupboards and closets were empty, the bed was just a bare mattress. His painting supplies, gaming console, painted canvases--gone.
And still Soubi didn't really worry. He recognised the disappearance of all his possessions as strange, but worry didn't quite manage to kick in. If his stuff was gone, then he probably didn't need to be here.
He walked out of the house and just wandered about.
"Soubi."
He recongised the voice, but no fear came.
"Ritsu-sensei."
"Soubi. You're hurt."
"Yes."
Yes, he was hurt. But it didn't matter.
"Do you like the way you feel now?"
There still was no fear as he replied.
"Yes. It's nice here."
"Then stay."
It seemed a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Just... Stay here. In this peaceful, empty place. Even the buildings were now getting fuzzy.
"Okay."
"You'll never be with Seimei again. Or Kio. Or anyone else. You'll always be here. Always alone."
"I don't mind being alone."
******
"He's in a coma."
That's what the nurse had said. She hadn't understood how Soubi's injuries had all healed in less than a week, or why Ritsuka seemed so desperate every time someone so much as hinted at making him leave.
Ritsuka ate the meals they brought for Soubi only long after they'd gotten cold, when a new one would come in just a few minutes. One of the psychiatrists had written a note for school, so he could stay.
Ritsuka only left Soubi's side to go to the bathroom, or when one of the nurses came, drugged him up, took him away, cleaned him up, put him in fresh clothes and put him back.
They didn't understand. Soubi couldn't be in a coma. Soubi was... Soubi was Soubi. And Soubi was always there. Always. Even when he was just sleeping, he'd wake up if Ritsuka asked. Soubi healed terrible wounds in a matter of days. Soubi was his Fighter. He couldn't just be... Not there.
He'd always thought that Soubi was beautiful, but knowing that Soubi, lying there was he was, wasn't really there, that it was just his body, made him ugly. This couldn't be Soubi.
"Soubi," he sobbed. "Soubi, wake up. Soubi, please."
No reaction. Ritsuka hopelessly put his head onto the matress and sheets next to Soubi's hand.
The only person who seemed to know, instinctively, that he needed to be told he was loved, touched and maybe even kissed regularly, wasn't home. No one but Soubi seemed to get it.
"Soubi, please," he repeated. "I miss you."
*****
The buildings had gone. So had the voice of his teacher.
Soubi leaned back in the perfect warmth of this fuzzy, white place. Just being here was like waking up on that first Sunday morning of the summer holiday, wrapped up warmly in your blankets, wearing your favorite pajamas and knowing that this day would be the best in ages.
He was content here, and would be forever.
Forever?
Yes. Yes, forever. Nothing could beat this feeling.
*****
Ritsuka had freaked when they'd removed the oxygen mask and the cast and a few of the needles. Were they insane? Soubi needed those to get better!
The nurses had explained that those things had done their job, that what they were supposed to make better already was better. That Soubi waking up was entirely up to Soubi alone. Ritsuka had cried the whole night.
"Soubi, wake up, goddamnit! That's an order!" he'd shouted. But Soubi hadn't even reacted to that. Ritsuka had fallen asleep with the certainity that the nurses were wrong, and Soubi was lost forever.
*****
There was twinge in his ear, as though somebody had shouted something right next to it. Soubi hadn't heard anything.
But suddenly, there was a word in his mind, through the white haze that was omnipresent in this place.
"...order!"
It was Ritsuka's voice, high and shrill with desperation.
The idea of Ritsuka in despair dented his contented feeling a little.
He'd seen Ritsuka a few hours ago, he had been fine. Still was, because he couldn't feel any distress coming from the boy, even when he tried to reach out.
And that, even here, didn't make sense.
Maybe he was too hurt to feel Ritsuka.
Or maybe it was the fact that they weren't connected at all that made it so he couldn't feel Ritsuka.
Maybe Ritsuka really was hurt, had gotten an accident after crossing that street. He should go check on him. Just to make sure.
*****
The almost dark blue line on the monitor below the heart rate monitor, but besides the breathing monitor had changed.
Ritsuka had called the nurse, who'd called a neurologist.
"He's dreaming."
The man sounded surprised, checked the heart rate, the blood pressure, Soubi's pupils.
"He appears to be... scared."
"Scared?" Ritsuka asked, looking Soubi over. Soubi's expression hadn't changed at all.
*****
He'd had to look long before finding the empty city again. He was in his empty house. Which wouldn't do.
He went down the familiar streets to Ritsuka's home, and now time seemed so very real, distance nothing less than it was. It was like trying to walk through water up to his neck, or against a very strong wind.
Soubi climbed up the balcony to Ritsuka's room. It wasn't empty. Relief washed over Soubi to see that the bed was slept on, half a cookie lay forgotten next to the pc and Ritsuka's schoolbag had some dirty underwear hanging from it. Soubi smiled and snuck in.
He touched the soft cotton sheets, the humming computer and laughed at the tagboard.
The laughter died before it had even begun to come out.
Ritsuka's pictures, the memories they'd made together... The pictures Soubi had taken were just silver-grey rectangles. The ones strangers had made of them together showed just Ritsuka, alone, looking lost and a little confused. One picture was just a landscape. Soubi remembered standing a bit in front of the spot where that picture had been taken, with a giddy twelve-year-old in front of him.
He stormed downstairs, but there was no one in the house. Fear now having penetrated good and well through Soubi's euphoria hooked its evil little claws in and hissed through Soubi's mind all the things that could have happened to Ritsuka after he'd gotten hurt and left Ritsuka alone.
...
What?
*****
"...ka..."
It was just a sigh, but Ritsuka was over at Soubi's side in less than a second. That nightmare line hadn't disappeared. Soubi's mouth had opened.
"Soubi!" Ritsuka cried out. "Soubi, can you hear me?"
But Soubi didn't react. His mouth was just open, jaw slack. He looked a little more like he was sleeping, now. Ritsuka went to sit on his knees on his chair.
No, not like he was sleeping.
Ritsuka blushed as he remembered the first time Soubi had opened his mouth like that. He'd never *seen* it, like this, but he'd *felt* it.
God, how long had it been? Two weeks? Had Soubi kissed him that day?
Ritsuka didn't remember Soubi's last kiss. He'd never made memories of one. Partially because it was awkward asking stranger to take a snapshot of a kiss, and partially because his mom would freak if she'd find it.
Ritsuka started to tremble. Maybe he hadn't kissed Soubi at all. Maybe it had just been... hallucinations. Just like Soubi saying he loved him. It would explain the whole what-on-earth-are-you-talking-about expression Soubi got when Ritsuka got up in his face about it.
But...
"Soubi, wake up. Just wake up. I'll do anything if you just wake up."
Ritsuka hopefully stared at Soubi. He didn't so much as flicker an eyelid. Hot tears stung Ritsuka's eyes.
"I love you, you bastard. Now wake UP!"
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Soubi's open mouth, sucking a little. Soubi didn't respond. And maybe that was what bothered Ritsuki the most.
*****
Soubi was out of breath, running full out. He moved onwards at a crawling pace.
Ritsuka was gone!
He'd left Ritsuka alone! He'd told Ritsu-sensei he didn't mind being alone, and somehow--
"RITSUKA!!!"
--that had stolen what little connection to Ritsuka he possessed.
"RITSUKAAAA!!!"
Their last argument was replaying in his head, their last few hours together.
He hadn't told Ritsuka he loved him. Hadn't stolen a kiss. Ritsuka never took the initiative, and waiting for it was stupid! He was twelve, he didn't have the social skills--and this was just one of the many arguments for that particular flaw in the boy--to know when Soubi needed to hear he was loved, when Soubi wanted to be kissed until he nearly fainted.
Ritsuka needed to have someone take care of him as much as Soubi needed it.
That was their problem, why they always argued.
What Soubi hadn't seen even with Ritsuka screaming at him, he saw now, running through that deserted town that didn't hold Ritsuka.
They both needed being taken care of. But it was a different care.
Soubi didn't need to be comforted and held and get told it would be all okay and he was safe now. He knew that as soon as he thought of Ritsuka. But he needed Ritsuka to acknowledge him. Order him. Lead the parts of his life he couldn't lead himself.
He suddenly got an idea and made a U-turn. Maybe Ritsuka *was* here, but hurt, too! And hurt people--well, normal hurt people or people pretending to be normal who were hurt--went to hospitals when they were!
Soubi ran into the white building as soon as he could, and started checking each and every room. They were all clean and empty, waiting for people who needed the rest.
Ritsuka needed protecting from others. Soubi needed protecting from his own sense of reasoning. If he ever found Ritsuka, ever got back, he'd present that line of reasoning to the boy. See if they could work something out.
Soubi's spirits fell with each floor he finished without finding Ritsuka.
To his shock, the stairs stopped at the top floor. This was the last place where Ritsuka could be, he'd have to check each house in the empty city if he wasn't--
Room 23-85 was locked. Soubi's eyes got wide. No doors had been locked anywhere before. He pressed his ear against the door. Someone was sobbing on the other side of the door. Someone young.
Soubi started beating at the door, kicking against it, slamming his shoulder against it, rattling, rattling, rattling at the doorknob.
"Ritsuka! Ritsuka! I can't--"
*****
"...Can't..."
Ritsuka shot up, straight awake immediately. Had he just heard something?
He looked around the room, which was silent that night, only the hiss of the airco, the beep of all the monitors and the sound of Soubi's rapid breathing.
Rapid breathing? Ritsuka looked Soubi over worriedly. To his delight, Soubi was frowning, sweat beading on his face. His lips moved with each gasp for more air. The heart rate monitor was going crazy.
After seventeen days of doing it, he really ought to stop hoping like this. But he didn't.
"Soubi?" he whispered.
"...Door..."
"Soubi! Soubi!"
Ritsuka couldn't help himself. He shook Soubi by his arm, probably upsetting the needles in his arms.
"SOUBI!"
*****
Someone was hitting the door back. Pain raced up my left arm, and he was vaguely aware that it felt like at least ten needles in his flesh being moved around. He kept on hammering on the wood, until he felt his strike hit at the same time as the one on the other side of the door, which crumbled.
There was blinding light, and pain, and a nasty taste in Soubi's mouth.
"Soubi! Soubi!"
And there was Ritsuka. Beautiful, young Ritsuka, leaning over him, his eyes filled with tears.
"Rit--"
He coughed, his throat itchy with the dry hospital air.
Ritsuka frantically hit a button next to his bed.
Soubi sighed and leaned a bit harder into the pillow, closing his eyes against the stinging sunlight. Ritsuka cried out in fear.
"Soubi!"
He opened his eyes to look at the boy again. Ritsuka leaned closer, upsetting his left arm, which was full of needles.
"Don't leave me alone like that again. Please. Please."
Soubi watched in confusion. He'd been out of it for, what, a day? Time had seemed funny.
A nurse came in.
*****
Soubi had taken Ritsuka with him when he left the hospital.
Even with him awake, Ritsuka had refused to leave. Soubi had accepted it, despite knowing that Ritsuka had missed more than enough of school, and shared his meals with the boy.
"I love you, Ritsuka."
He said it more since waking up, not sure in what other way he could make up for leaving the boy alone and worried.
"I love you, too, Soubi."
Soubi stopped walking in the direction of the bus stop. Ritsuka turned around.
"What?"
"Did you just say--"
"Yeah."
Ritsuka walked back to him, took his hand and pulled him onwards to the bus stop. Soubi knew he was grinning like an idiot and was vaguely stupefied from the sheer serotonin overdose. Ritsuka had said--Ritsuka, who didn't lie, had--
Squealing, however tempting, would be unsightly, he decided.
They stopped at the bus stop. Ritsuka turned to the timetable. Soubi went to sit on the little bench as the boy checked between the clock and the table.
"Our bus is in thirteen minu--Whoa--Hmmmm..."
Ritsuka was surprised to find himself being pulled in Soubi's lap and getting kissed, enthusiastically. Soubi had never before used... tongue. Ritsuka felt himself blush and pulled away.
"Ritsuka? Is there something wrong?"
Yes, his knees felt trembly and his spine was like jelly and he was so, so hot all of a sudden.
"Yes," he started, and immediately saw Soubi's face fall. "I haven't brushed my teeth in nearly three weeks."
Soubi blinked, then smiled, pulling Ritsuka closer.
"Neither have I," he whispered, and leaned back in.
*****