Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ To Love and To Be Loved ❯ Darling Buds of May ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Sleep Remedy 
Ritsuka is kidnapped by his Warcraft and Soubi is left alone.
(edited 12/8/2010)
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Occult / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 11.05.2006 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 645 | Status: Work In Progress
Ritsuka is kidnapped by his Warcraft and Soubi is left alone.
(edited 12/8/2010)
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Occult / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 11.05.2006 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 645 | Status: Work In Progress
Darling Buds of May
'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.'
-Sonnet #18
By Sir William Shakespeare.
- Loveless : Ritsuka : 13 -
Flowers were blooming everywhere I looked. The neighbor's garden was flourishing and all the parks were a bright and vibrant green. I really liked to go there, to the park, when it was so nice out. There are happy little kids everywhere and smiling parents and, though it makes me a little melancholy to see people so happy, it also kind of gives me hope. Maybe, one day, I can be just as happy as they are. They certainly pulled it off fairly well.
A wind rippled through the little glade that I had situated myself in and I looked up to see a gorgeous and out-of-place blond smiling down at me. Agatsuma Soubi. He was my Warcraft. The other part of my soul. Or, at least, that's what I told myself. However, the name etched eternally into the skin just above Soubi's collarbone and just beneath his bandages said otherwise. It said that our love would not (could not) last for long. I had to believe that was a lie.
“Good afternoon, Ritsuka,” Soubi said, plopping himself down beside me, happy enough. Smiling at me in the off-hand pleasant way he often did, he asked me, “What are you reading?”
“This?” I asked in reply, holding up the ragged book in my hands. I knew what it was, but for no particular reason, I looked down and examined the book. More than the contents, I really enjoyed the book's appearance. It was half the reason I had chosen it over the different publications of the same document. It was leather and the edges were ripped from rough handling. There was ornate gold leafing along the edges. There was nothing on the front and back of the book, however, on the neck were the faded, nearly illegible letters, spelling out, SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS. “Shakespeare,” I finally said, looking back up at Soubi, who smiled again and gently took the book from me.
“I didn't know you were interested in such high level reading! Did you found your favorite, yet?” he asked, flipping through the pages and stopping at one that I had already dog-eared. It was sonnet #18, the famous one. I thought that it was really pretty, compared to all the sad and lonesome ones throughout the book. I had found that his style and somewhat dark and sarcastic descriptions of love truly suited me, but that one I liked the best. Perhaps, just for how different it was from all the others. “Ah,” Soubi sighed, finishing the poem himself. “How pretty. I like it, too. It's very beautiful,” he said, handing it back to me with the same care that he had taken it.
“Yeah...” I said, blushing a bit.
“It's getting late. Want me to walk you home?” he asked, pushing himself up with a little grunt and looking down at me, his long blond hair framing his face and making me think of the man in the sonnet.
“Sure,” I said, simply. I think that I smiled the whole way home.
- - - - -
I don't really know how to describe a kiss. In my extremely young life, I haven't experienced much like it. Not only that, they boggle the mind in all the different tastes and textures they can come in. For example, the kiss that Soubi first gave me that night, by my window was pleasant and sweet. It reminded me of when I ate my first White Chocolate Lindon Truffle. It immediately became my favorite sweet. Soubi's kiss was similar, such a smooth and sweet, sweet, sweet taste.
However, Soubi surprised me. Somehow, he was able to turn our Lindon Truffle kiss into a block of bitter chocolate (my second favorite treat). It was dry and hard and yet, much more satisfying and long lasting. It's something that fills the stomach more and leaves a concentrated touch of lust. It was so delicious that I slipped my tongue inside for more. I heard or, perhaps more accurately, felt Soubi gasp a little, before devouring my tongue like a rabbit lost in a wolf's forest.
I really could not help it! I squeaked and he laughed and devoured me even further. This kiss always made me think of my favorite dish! The one that Soubi had made for me almost a year ago. It tasted just like authentic Italian Lasagna. It was hot and passionate and, though it felt as if it filled you to the brim, it always left you yearning for more... More.
I really didn't know what that more truly was, but my heart told me that it definitely wanted more. It wanted more. My fingernails dug into Soubi's shirt sleeve and tears gathered on the fringes of my eyelashes. I wanted Soubi to make me feel more, to move my heart further, to bring me back to a life I never had. And, yet ... I was scared. Something deep within me told me that, if I allowed him to go so deep, to delve deep into my soul, he would recoil. Because, we don't hold the same name. Because, fate says that we were never meant to be. Because ... one day all of this will end.
“Ritsuka!” Soubi exclaimed gently, wiping away the stray tear. The one that got away from me. I never cried, but as that imminent feeling of the end came closer, I had been crying more and more. I usually tried to hide it from him. I would take a convenient bathroom break or get a piece of dirt in my eye, but I don't know if it really fooled him. The concern in his voice was always the same.
“Ritsuka, please tell what's wrong!” he begged, this time with more force than usual. Could he feel it, too? We hadn't gone all the way. I knew somewhere, deep in my mind, that when we finally consummated everything, that would be the definite end, but we hadn't done that. Soubi hadn't even hinted at wanting that, yet. So, why did I feel that everything between us was already done?
“Soubi? Do you think...?” I began, not sure how to articulate what I was feeling or what was I going on in my heart. “Soubi, I feel like everything is coming to an end...” I said, after a long pause.
He just looked at me. I mean, he looked at me for a really long time. He didn't say anything, but his intense look explained to me how deeply this had affected him. I felt that I never should have said it, but also knew the futility of taking it back now.
“Ritsuka,” Soubi whispered my name again and just like all the other times, a pleasant ache began in my heart, despite the conversation. “I won't ... I won't ever let that happen. I won't let this end. I promise.
- - - - -
Despite Soubi's promises and the fact that he was my lover, I didn't believe him. Or, rather, I didn't trust him to keep his promise. I had always fought destiny as if there was no other option than to do so. However, I kept feeling like I was cornered. Like, there was some horrible event about to happen that no one, not even me and all of my determination, could prevent. I'll be the first one to tell you that premonitions are just a load of crap, but if this was premonition, then it was definitely right.
I fell asleep around nine thirty. It wasn't a very restful sleep. I remembered waking up multiple times, still expecting that shadow on the wall to reach out and grab me and steal me away from the world I had made for myself.
I was paranoid, but not without reason. At midnight, I heard someone walking in my room. I had reasoned that it was Soubi, come to check on me after my tearful episode, but my heart was screaming. No, this was someone else. I didn't open my eyes and I didn't see the form that I could feel standing over me and examining my 'sleeping' face. I didn't see him, but felt him, push some unobtrusive strands of hair out of my face and place a gentle soothing kiss on my brow. My heart skipped a beat and the constant ache disappeared for a moment as his lips met my face. Who was this man?
I opened my eyes and saw someone I did not recognize. It was a man with half moon glasses and pale skin and hair. He was deathly thin and moved with the elegance of a spirit. I actually thought that, perhaps, he was a ghost. The sorrowful look in his eyes certainly hinted at it. But, he was not dead and he was not sad, not by his account. In a liquid movement, he picked me up in his arms and locked eyes with me.
“My dear Loveless...” he sighed, still looking deep into my eyes. His voice reverberated through my head until it reached down my throat into my heart and squeezed and, God, did it ever squeeze hard. Tears immediately flooded my eyes for the second time that night and ran freely down my face. My chest heaved and I began to wail and sob pathetically. The man simply held me silently, rubbing small circles in my back.
I heard my mother outside my door screaming my name. I knew she couldn't get in. I locked the door, whenever I went to sleep. Especially after the last time she attacked me while I napped. I could hear Father's voice behind her, trying to talk her into going back to bed. Even if he cared, he wouldn't be able to save me either. The man was already out the window, me in his arms, on the porch roof and approaching the edge.
Clutching my eyes closed as he stepped off the side, I expected to hit the pavement hard. Instead, there was a small jerk and then we were moving again. This time, towards a black car parked down the street.
Between sobs, I choked out, “Where ... are we going?”
The man chuckled and then looked down at me, as if I was just a small child whom, in their ignorance, had said something cute and adorable. “Well, my dear, I am taking you home with me. After all, one with such a pretty face as yours deserves better treatment than that,” he said, flipping his hair in the direction of my house, not slowing his pace the slightest to answer my question.
So, he knew about my mother? How was that? Did he get into my medical files? But, weren't those supposed to be classified? To this day, he won't tell me how he figured it out, though I can guess. At the time, it had unnerved me to no end. Who was this man who professed to know me so well and called me dear with his every breath? Though, and my mind wouldn't acknowledge this even if my heart did, what I was most worried about was why he moved so much like Soubi.
Just as he was settling me and my blanket into the passenger seat, I turned and asked him, “Who are you?”
He just chuckled at me again, more good-heartedly this time, though. “Of course, my name is the same as yours, my dearest. My name is Ritsu, but my other name is Loveless.”
My eyes grew wide and everything going on in my brain (quite a bit, too) froze in that single moment. It was a lie. That was all I could think.
“I love you,” he said, against my lips, just before he pressed them to mine, making my heart stop as well. The ache was gone again. There was no more pain and worries. This man, Ritsu, he made them all go away...
“Hic, huc, hic... Wah!” I wailed. Now, I was truly crying, as I don't remember ever crying before. I was almost just screaming my anguish. No. It was over. Me and Soubi. Our ephemeral love was gone. I was going off to live with one I would not love. It was the end. I wanted Ritsuka to come back and take this life he had abandoned. I certainly didn't want it. I didn't want it. I didn't want it at all.
'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.'
-Sonnet #18
By Sir William Shakespeare.
- Loveless : Ritsuka : 13 -
Flowers were blooming everywhere I looked. The neighbor's garden was flourishing and all the parks were a bright and vibrant green. I really liked to go there, to the park, when it was so nice out. There are happy little kids everywhere and smiling parents and, though it makes me a little melancholy to see people so happy, it also kind of gives me hope. Maybe, one day, I can be just as happy as they are. They certainly pulled it off fairly well.
A wind rippled through the little glade that I had situated myself in and I looked up to see a gorgeous and out-of-place blond smiling down at me. Agatsuma Soubi. He was my Warcraft. The other part of my soul. Or, at least, that's what I told myself. However, the name etched eternally into the skin just above Soubi's collarbone and just beneath his bandages said otherwise. It said that our love would not (could not) last for long. I had to believe that was a lie.
“Good afternoon, Ritsuka,” Soubi said, plopping himself down beside me, happy enough. Smiling at me in the off-hand pleasant way he often did, he asked me, “What are you reading?”
“This?” I asked in reply, holding up the ragged book in my hands. I knew what it was, but for no particular reason, I looked down and examined the book. More than the contents, I really enjoyed the book's appearance. It was half the reason I had chosen it over the different publications of the same document. It was leather and the edges were ripped from rough handling. There was ornate gold leafing along the edges. There was nothing on the front and back of the book, however, on the neck were the faded, nearly illegible letters, spelling out, SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS. “Shakespeare,” I finally said, looking back up at Soubi, who smiled again and gently took the book from me.
“I didn't know you were interested in such high level reading! Did you found your favorite, yet?” he asked, flipping through the pages and stopping at one that I had already dog-eared. It was sonnet #18, the famous one. I thought that it was really pretty, compared to all the sad and lonesome ones throughout the book. I had found that his style and somewhat dark and sarcastic descriptions of love truly suited me, but that one I liked the best. Perhaps, just for how different it was from all the others. “Ah,” Soubi sighed, finishing the poem himself. “How pretty. I like it, too. It's very beautiful,” he said, handing it back to me with the same care that he had taken it.
“Yeah...” I said, blushing a bit.
“It's getting late. Want me to walk you home?” he asked, pushing himself up with a little grunt and looking down at me, his long blond hair framing his face and making me think of the man in the sonnet.
“Sure,” I said, simply. I think that I smiled the whole way home.
- - - - -
I don't really know how to describe a kiss. In my extremely young life, I haven't experienced much like it. Not only that, they boggle the mind in all the different tastes and textures they can come in. For example, the kiss that Soubi first gave me that night, by my window was pleasant and sweet. It reminded me of when I ate my first White Chocolate Lindon Truffle. It immediately became my favorite sweet. Soubi's kiss was similar, such a smooth and sweet, sweet, sweet taste.
However, Soubi surprised me. Somehow, he was able to turn our Lindon Truffle kiss into a block of bitter chocolate (my second favorite treat). It was dry and hard and yet, much more satisfying and long lasting. It's something that fills the stomach more and leaves a concentrated touch of lust. It was so delicious that I slipped my tongue inside for more. I heard or, perhaps more accurately, felt Soubi gasp a little, before devouring my tongue like a rabbit lost in a wolf's forest.
I really could not help it! I squeaked and he laughed and devoured me even further. This kiss always made me think of my favorite dish! The one that Soubi had made for me almost a year ago. It tasted just like authentic Italian Lasagna. It was hot and passionate and, though it felt as if it filled you to the brim, it always left you yearning for more... More.
I really didn't know what that more truly was, but my heart told me that it definitely wanted more. It wanted more. My fingernails dug into Soubi's shirt sleeve and tears gathered on the fringes of my eyelashes. I wanted Soubi to make me feel more, to move my heart further, to bring me back to a life I never had. And, yet ... I was scared. Something deep within me told me that, if I allowed him to go so deep, to delve deep into my soul, he would recoil. Because, we don't hold the same name. Because, fate says that we were never meant to be. Because ... one day all of this will end.
“Ritsuka!” Soubi exclaimed gently, wiping away the stray tear. The one that got away from me. I never cried, but as that imminent feeling of the end came closer, I had been crying more and more. I usually tried to hide it from him. I would take a convenient bathroom break or get a piece of dirt in my eye, but I don't know if it really fooled him. The concern in his voice was always the same.
“Ritsuka, please tell what's wrong!” he begged, this time with more force than usual. Could he feel it, too? We hadn't gone all the way. I knew somewhere, deep in my mind, that when we finally consummated everything, that would be the definite end, but we hadn't done that. Soubi hadn't even hinted at wanting that, yet. So, why did I feel that everything between us was already done?
“Soubi? Do you think...?” I began, not sure how to articulate what I was feeling or what was I going on in my heart. “Soubi, I feel like everything is coming to an end...” I said, after a long pause.
He just looked at me. I mean, he looked at me for a really long time. He didn't say anything, but his intense look explained to me how deeply this had affected him. I felt that I never should have said it, but also knew the futility of taking it back now.
“Ritsuka,” Soubi whispered my name again and just like all the other times, a pleasant ache began in my heart, despite the conversation. “I won't ... I won't ever let that happen. I won't let this end. I promise.
- - - - -
Despite Soubi's promises and the fact that he was my lover, I didn't believe him. Or, rather, I didn't trust him to keep his promise. I had always fought destiny as if there was no other option than to do so. However, I kept feeling like I was cornered. Like, there was some horrible event about to happen that no one, not even me and all of my determination, could prevent. I'll be the first one to tell you that premonitions are just a load of crap, but if this was premonition, then it was definitely right.
I fell asleep around nine thirty. It wasn't a very restful sleep. I remembered waking up multiple times, still expecting that shadow on the wall to reach out and grab me and steal me away from the world I had made for myself.
I was paranoid, but not without reason. At midnight, I heard someone walking in my room. I had reasoned that it was Soubi, come to check on me after my tearful episode, but my heart was screaming. No, this was someone else. I didn't open my eyes and I didn't see the form that I could feel standing over me and examining my 'sleeping' face. I didn't see him, but felt him, push some unobtrusive strands of hair out of my face and place a gentle soothing kiss on my brow. My heart skipped a beat and the constant ache disappeared for a moment as his lips met my face. Who was this man?
I opened my eyes and saw someone I did not recognize. It was a man with half moon glasses and pale skin and hair. He was deathly thin and moved with the elegance of a spirit. I actually thought that, perhaps, he was a ghost. The sorrowful look in his eyes certainly hinted at it. But, he was not dead and he was not sad, not by his account. In a liquid movement, he picked me up in his arms and locked eyes with me.
“My dear Loveless...” he sighed, still looking deep into my eyes. His voice reverberated through my head until it reached down my throat into my heart and squeezed and, God, did it ever squeeze hard. Tears immediately flooded my eyes for the second time that night and ran freely down my face. My chest heaved and I began to wail and sob pathetically. The man simply held me silently, rubbing small circles in my back.
I heard my mother outside my door screaming my name. I knew she couldn't get in. I locked the door, whenever I went to sleep. Especially after the last time she attacked me while I napped. I could hear Father's voice behind her, trying to talk her into going back to bed. Even if he cared, he wouldn't be able to save me either. The man was already out the window, me in his arms, on the porch roof and approaching the edge.
Clutching my eyes closed as he stepped off the side, I expected to hit the pavement hard. Instead, there was a small jerk and then we were moving again. This time, towards a black car parked down the street.
Between sobs, I choked out, “Where ... are we going?”
The man chuckled and then looked down at me, as if I was just a small child whom, in their ignorance, had said something cute and adorable. “Well, my dear, I am taking you home with me. After all, one with such a pretty face as yours deserves better treatment than that,” he said, flipping his hair in the direction of my house, not slowing his pace the slightest to answer my question.
So, he knew about my mother? How was that? Did he get into my medical files? But, weren't those supposed to be classified? To this day, he won't tell me how he figured it out, though I can guess. At the time, it had unnerved me to no end. Who was this man who professed to know me so well and called me dear with his every breath? Though, and my mind wouldn't acknowledge this even if my heart did, what I was most worried about was why he moved so much like Soubi.
Just as he was settling me and my blanket into the passenger seat, I turned and asked him, “Who are you?”
He just chuckled at me again, more good-heartedly this time, though. “Of course, my name is the same as yours, my dearest. My name is Ritsu, but my other name is Loveless.”
My eyes grew wide and everything going on in my brain (quite a bit, too) froze in that single moment. It was a lie. That was all I could think.
“I love you,” he said, against my lips, just before he pressed them to mine, making my heart stop as well. The ache was gone again. There was no more pain and worries. This man, Ritsu, he made them all go away...
“Hic, huc, hic... Wah!” I wailed. Now, I was truly crying, as I don't remember ever crying before. I was almost just screaming my anguish. No. It was over. Me and Soubi. Our ephemeral love was gone. I was going off to live with one I would not love. It was the end. I wanted Ritsuka to come back and take this life he had abandoned. I certainly didn't want it. I didn't want it. I didn't want it at all.