Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ To Love and To Be Loved ❯ Fair, Kind, and True ( Chapter 7 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Sleep Remedy 
Soubi and Ritsuka are re-united, only realize the danger that threatens on the horizon.
(edited 12/8/2010)
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Occult / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 12.08.2010 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 164 | Status: Work In Progress
Soubi and Ritsuka are re-united, only realize the danger that threatens on the horizon.
(edited 12/8/2010)
Anime/Manga: Loveless Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Occult / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 12.08.2010 | Updated On: 12.08.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 164 | Status: Work In Progress
'Let not my love be called idolatry,
Nor my beloved as an idol show,
Since all alike my songs and praises be
To one, of one, still such, and ever so.
Kind is my love today, tomorrow kind,
Still constant in a wondrous excellence;
Therefore my verse, to constancy confined,
One thing expressing, leaves out difference.
Fair, kind, and true is all my argument,
Fair, kind, and true, varying to other words;
And in this change is my invention spent.
Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords.
Fair, kind, and true have often lived alone,
Which three till now never kept seat in one.'
- Sonnet #105
By Sir William Shakespeare.
- Loveless : Ritsu : 41 -
/Let not my love be called idolatry,/
/Nor my beloved as an idol show,/
Nowhere. Ritsuka was nowhere. He wasn't in bed, he wasn't in the house, he wasn't in the school, he wasn't with any of the the students or other children. No one knew where he was. Under threat of expulsion, whipping, and serious bodily injury, all had only said that they hadn't seen him since he came back from school the day before last. He had disappeared. It was if he had disintegrated into the air and was blown away on the wind.
I was frantic and had no idea what to do. So, I went to the other members of Septimal Moon. 'Where is Ritsuka?' and 'Do you have any connections, any way to find him?' or simply 'Help me find Ritsuka!' None of them were able to help. All of the members had no idea that Ritsuka was even gone, not being very interested in the gossip that had been flying around. Few had any means of helping. None had panned out in the end.
Of course, everyone knew that I had been cold to Ritsuka in the past and would still supply a fair dosage of my signature cynicism towards the boy to this day. They knew that Ritsuka had a mean streak, but was still fragile and easily hurt by my actions. Therefore, it was no surprise that they deduced that Ritsuka had run away from the abusive Warcraft. 'Off to America!' they said, 'With the help of the Grand Counsel, too.'
I was stranded without love. And, only my own cruelty was to blame. Or, perhaps, my inability to measure up to his first, only...
- Beloved : Soubi : 25 -
I was standing transfixed by the bedside table, completely nude and completely stunned. The room felt so empty and plastic and fake, suddenly. 'Where was Ritsuka?' my mind kept screaming at the red silk sheets that still held Ritsuka's warmth and the huge ceiling mirror that had witnessed our acts of love not seven hours ago.
Folding the note slowly, I realized I had to look for him. I had to look for Ritsuka now, before he was lost to me forever. I had thought that Ritsuka had been lost to me before, but if he left my reach after that, he would truly truly be gone.
Suddenly jerking into high activity, I yanked on my pants from the top of the pile on the chair and shot out the door. I sprinted down the hall and past the elevator to the steps. Without a single break, I quite nearly melted down the steps, bursting out of the double doors into the lobby. Without a backwards glance to the startled customers there (a very old man and a too-young schoolgirl) I ran straight for the small door onto the street. Someone opened the door just moments before I was going to open it myself and before I even got a chance to slow down, I smashed into the little body before me, throwing the boy and myself forward into the street.
For a moment, I was stunned. What an idiotic thing to do, go barreling out of the hotel with nothing but a pair of undone pants on and start asking everyone on the street if they had seen a young boy with black hair. Dear, I felt that I was starting to loose control again, just like the first time Ritsuka had disappeared.
/Kind is my love today, tomorrow kind,/
/Still constant in a wondrous excellence;/
Slowly, I began to push myself off of the young man beneath me. Looking down to see who would come to a love hotel alone so early in the morning, I saw beneath me none but Ritsuka himself. He looked up at me with confused and terrified eyes. Immediately, I gathered him up in my arms, noticing the bag of food in his arms for the first time, and carried him back into the love hotel and away from prying eyes. He was babbling away about 'what in the world I was doing half naked' and 'why was I running like that' and 'did we still have hours left in the room'. Leaning my head on his head, I carried him into the elevator then finally sitting him back down on his feet. Looking down at that little face, I could see an indescribable weariness and it terrified me.
"Ritsuka..." I murmured, letting the back of my hand brush his cheek. His expression became tinged with sadness.
However, we were at our floor, and the smell of pancakes, eggs, and sausage had permeated the air of the small compartment.
Taking my small lover's hand, I lead him silently down the narrow corridor to our room, who's door was still ajar and my clothes now lay on the ground where they had been thrown in the rush to find Ritsuka. I felt a little sting of pain at the mess, knowing that Ritsuka had folded those clothes and it had been me that had destroyed his hard work without barely an acknowledgment. Walking ahead of Ritsuka, I reached down to fold the clothes again, but Ritsuka took the clothes from me and folded them quickly and deftly.
I watched those little hands work and knew they had gone through these motions many times before... For someone else. As this thought came through to me, I took the clothes from him and caught him in a quick and fiery kiss. It took some time for me to break away from him, staring deeply into the same sad, despairing, and desperate eyes that I had seen the first time I had met him by the school gates. Why was he like this now? What had changed him so in that small space between last night and this morning?
Leading Ritsuka to the bed, I sat him down without breaking eye contact and asked him quietly, gently, "What happened?"
"Um, it's nothing. I guess, it's just starting to hit me, now," he said. He seemed sheepish, but that also seemed affected. He must not have been aware that he looked so sad until just a moment ago.
"How do you mean?" I asked him, though I could guess. He had left people behind. People he had known for three years, in the place where Septimal Moon had hidden him. His friends, his teachers. His true Warcraft, too, probably.
"I left him behind for this," I winced. "Not to mean that I'm not happy!" he said, hastily. He had noticed. "This has been all I've been waiting for. I've been so unhappy, and I didn't even fully realize it until just now. But, now I also have to realize that I did something selfish. I found my happiness, but only in destroying someone else's," Ritsuka muttered.
I looked down at Ritsuka sadly. He really had grown, and it had made him a little more educated, and a little darker and stained for it.
"So, you did find your Warcraft?" I asked slowly, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"Yeah. Ritsu-sensei," he muttered.
"... Ritsu?!"
- Loveless : Ritsu : 41 -
/Fair, kind, and true is all my argument,/
/Fair, kind, and true, varying to other words;/
/And in this change is my invention spent./
/Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords./
I paced my study. Ritsuka had been gone for three days already. He could have been all the way into Hokkaido or down to Osaka by that point. His clothes were gone. His favorite things were gone. His suitcase and bag were gone. He had left. He had left me.
How dare he?!
I threw whatever was in my hand and it came slamming down on the floor, shattering against whatever had been there. Shattering against the floor? The floor was carpeted. What I had thrown had been a mug. A mug wouldn't have shattered against a carpeted floor.
I was jarred out of my pacing by the mystery and approached where the mug had broken. There, on the floor, sat my laptop, it's top now laced with a cobweb of cracks. What was my laptop doing on the floor? Unless, Ritsuka had used it before he left? But, why would he use my laptop? I only really used it for clerical work and email...
Email! I kept everyone's email addresses, along with a copy of their phone numbers, in case my cell phone ever broke or came to a bad end. He must have looked up someone's address, so as to make contact with them.
But, I had no one there that he didn't know. No. No, I had someone he would have deeply wanted to know. I had Soubi's address in my computer, still.
My tempter took over me again. I slammed the computer against the desk beside me. If it hadn't been broken before, it was broken now.
I was mad! I must have been mad. I had become accustomed to his touch, to his voice, his comforting presence in my life. I had even begun to forget that he was dreaming of another whenever I was not there. It was foolish. It was foolish of me to forget. There was no erasing Soubi from his mind. He had been etched there long before I had even gotten a chance to begin to love Ritsuka.
I would not be able to eradicate Soubi from Ritsuka's mind. Ah, but a great idea came over me. Perhaps it was not so impossible to eradicate Soubi from Ritsuka's mind.
- Loveless : Ritsuka : 16 -
I thought I had never seen Soubi 'burst' into anything, but at the mention of Ritsu's name, he certainly 'burst' into action. That really seemed to be the best way to describe it. One moment he was frozen still, his mouth hanging open. The next, he was running around the room. He grasped at his clothes, yanking them onto his tall, thin body with a kind of violence. He pulled on his shoes, he shoved his wallet in his pocket and then he turned to me, frantic.
"We have to go, Ritsuka, let's hurry," he said breathlessly.
"What are you talking about?" I asked worriedly.
"What do you mean, what am I talking about?" he asked, coming forward to pick me up by my upper arsm. "You don't think Ritsu is going to let you leave, just like that, do you?" he asked, making me think. "We need to disapear for a little while, until I can figure out what to do," Soubi explained gravely.
I clutched the delicious smelling bag to my chest tightly. I hadn't considered Ritsu's broken heart until just this morning. I hadn't considered the wrath his broken heart might bring until Soubi brought it up. Perhaps Soubi really did know Ritsu better than I did, even after all these years.
I nodded shortly.
"You're right. Let's go."
/Fair, kind, and true have often lived alone,/
/Which three till now never kept seat in one./
Nor my beloved as an idol show,
Since all alike my songs and praises be
To one, of one, still such, and ever so.
Kind is my love today, tomorrow kind,
Still constant in a wondrous excellence;
Therefore my verse, to constancy confined,
One thing expressing, leaves out difference.
Fair, kind, and true is all my argument,
Fair, kind, and true, varying to other words;
And in this change is my invention spent.
Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords.
Fair, kind, and true have often lived alone,
Which three till now never kept seat in one.'
- Sonnet #105
By Sir William Shakespeare.
- Loveless : Ritsu : 41 -
/Let not my love be called idolatry,/
/Nor my beloved as an idol show,/
Nowhere. Ritsuka was nowhere. He wasn't in bed, he wasn't in the house, he wasn't in the school, he wasn't with any of the the students or other children. No one knew where he was. Under threat of expulsion, whipping, and serious bodily injury, all had only said that they hadn't seen him since he came back from school the day before last. He had disappeared. It was if he had disintegrated into the air and was blown away on the wind.
I was frantic and had no idea what to do. So, I went to the other members of Septimal Moon. 'Where is Ritsuka?' and 'Do you have any connections, any way to find him?' or simply 'Help me find Ritsuka!' None of them were able to help. All of the members had no idea that Ritsuka was even gone, not being very interested in the gossip that had been flying around. Few had any means of helping. None had panned out in the end.
Of course, everyone knew that I had been cold to Ritsuka in the past and would still supply a fair dosage of my signature cynicism towards the boy to this day. They knew that Ritsuka had a mean streak, but was still fragile and easily hurt by my actions. Therefore, it was no surprise that they deduced that Ritsuka had run away from the abusive Warcraft. 'Off to America!' they said, 'With the help of the Grand Counsel, too.'
I was stranded without love. And, only my own cruelty was to blame. Or, perhaps, my inability to measure up to his first, only...
- Beloved : Soubi : 25 -
I was standing transfixed by the bedside table, completely nude and completely stunned. The room felt so empty and plastic and fake, suddenly. 'Where was Ritsuka?' my mind kept screaming at the red silk sheets that still held Ritsuka's warmth and the huge ceiling mirror that had witnessed our acts of love not seven hours ago.
Folding the note slowly, I realized I had to look for him. I had to look for Ritsuka now, before he was lost to me forever. I had thought that Ritsuka had been lost to me before, but if he left my reach after that, he would truly truly be gone.
Suddenly jerking into high activity, I yanked on my pants from the top of the pile on the chair and shot out the door. I sprinted down the hall and past the elevator to the steps. Without a single break, I quite nearly melted down the steps, bursting out of the double doors into the lobby. Without a backwards glance to the startled customers there (a very old man and a too-young schoolgirl) I ran straight for the small door onto the street. Someone opened the door just moments before I was going to open it myself and before I even got a chance to slow down, I smashed into the little body before me, throwing the boy and myself forward into the street.
For a moment, I was stunned. What an idiotic thing to do, go barreling out of the hotel with nothing but a pair of undone pants on and start asking everyone on the street if they had seen a young boy with black hair. Dear, I felt that I was starting to loose control again, just like the first time Ritsuka had disappeared.
/Kind is my love today, tomorrow kind,/
/Still constant in a wondrous excellence;/
Slowly, I began to push myself off of the young man beneath me. Looking down to see who would come to a love hotel alone so early in the morning, I saw beneath me none but Ritsuka himself. He looked up at me with confused and terrified eyes. Immediately, I gathered him up in my arms, noticing the bag of food in his arms for the first time, and carried him back into the love hotel and away from prying eyes. He was babbling away about 'what in the world I was doing half naked' and 'why was I running like that' and 'did we still have hours left in the room'. Leaning my head on his head, I carried him into the elevator then finally sitting him back down on his feet. Looking down at that little face, I could see an indescribable weariness and it terrified me.
"Ritsuka..." I murmured, letting the back of my hand brush his cheek. His expression became tinged with sadness.
However, we were at our floor, and the smell of pancakes, eggs, and sausage had permeated the air of the small compartment.
Taking my small lover's hand, I lead him silently down the narrow corridor to our room, who's door was still ajar and my clothes now lay on the ground where they had been thrown in the rush to find Ritsuka. I felt a little sting of pain at the mess, knowing that Ritsuka had folded those clothes and it had been me that had destroyed his hard work without barely an acknowledgment. Walking ahead of Ritsuka, I reached down to fold the clothes again, but Ritsuka took the clothes from me and folded them quickly and deftly.
I watched those little hands work and knew they had gone through these motions many times before... For someone else. As this thought came through to me, I took the clothes from him and caught him in a quick and fiery kiss. It took some time for me to break away from him, staring deeply into the same sad, despairing, and desperate eyes that I had seen the first time I had met him by the school gates. Why was he like this now? What had changed him so in that small space between last night and this morning?
Leading Ritsuka to the bed, I sat him down without breaking eye contact and asked him quietly, gently, "What happened?"
"Um, it's nothing. I guess, it's just starting to hit me, now," he said. He seemed sheepish, but that also seemed affected. He must not have been aware that he looked so sad until just a moment ago.
"How do you mean?" I asked him, though I could guess. He had left people behind. People he had known for three years, in the place where Septimal Moon had hidden him. His friends, his teachers. His true Warcraft, too, probably.
"I left him behind for this," I winced. "Not to mean that I'm not happy!" he said, hastily. He had noticed. "This has been all I've been waiting for. I've been so unhappy, and I didn't even fully realize it until just now. But, now I also have to realize that I did something selfish. I found my happiness, but only in destroying someone else's," Ritsuka muttered.
I looked down at Ritsuka sadly. He really had grown, and it had made him a little more educated, and a little darker and stained for it.
"So, you did find your Warcraft?" I asked slowly, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"Yeah. Ritsu-sensei," he muttered.
"... Ritsu?!"
- Loveless : Ritsu : 41 -
/Fair, kind, and true is all my argument,/
/Fair, kind, and true, varying to other words;/
/And in this change is my invention spent./
/Three themes in one, which wondrous scope affords./
I paced my study. Ritsuka had been gone for three days already. He could have been all the way into Hokkaido or down to Osaka by that point. His clothes were gone. His favorite things were gone. His suitcase and bag were gone. He had left. He had left me.
How dare he?!
I threw whatever was in my hand and it came slamming down on the floor, shattering against whatever had been there. Shattering against the floor? The floor was carpeted. What I had thrown had been a mug. A mug wouldn't have shattered against a carpeted floor.
I was jarred out of my pacing by the mystery and approached where the mug had broken. There, on the floor, sat my laptop, it's top now laced with a cobweb of cracks. What was my laptop doing on the floor? Unless, Ritsuka had used it before he left? But, why would he use my laptop? I only really used it for clerical work and email...
Email! I kept everyone's email addresses, along with a copy of their phone numbers, in case my cell phone ever broke or came to a bad end. He must have looked up someone's address, so as to make contact with them.
But, I had no one there that he didn't know. No. No, I had someone he would have deeply wanted to know. I had Soubi's address in my computer, still.
My tempter took over me again. I slammed the computer against the desk beside me. If it hadn't been broken before, it was broken now.
I was mad! I must have been mad. I had become accustomed to his touch, to his voice, his comforting presence in my life. I had even begun to forget that he was dreaming of another whenever I was not there. It was foolish. It was foolish of me to forget. There was no erasing Soubi from his mind. He had been etched there long before I had even gotten a chance to begin to love Ritsuka.
I would not be able to eradicate Soubi from Ritsuka's mind. Ah, but a great idea came over me. Perhaps it was not so impossible to eradicate Soubi from Ritsuka's mind.
- Loveless : Ritsuka : 16 -
I thought I had never seen Soubi 'burst' into anything, but at the mention of Ritsu's name, he certainly 'burst' into action. That really seemed to be the best way to describe it. One moment he was frozen still, his mouth hanging open. The next, he was running around the room. He grasped at his clothes, yanking them onto his tall, thin body with a kind of violence. He pulled on his shoes, he shoved his wallet in his pocket and then he turned to me, frantic.
"We have to go, Ritsuka, let's hurry," he said breathlessly.
"What are you talking about?" I asked worriedly.
"What do you mean, what am I talking about?" he asked, coming forward to pick me up by my upper arsm. "You don't think Ritsu is going to let you leave, just like that, do you?" he asked, making me think. "We need to disapear for a little while, until I can figure out what to do," Soubi explained gravely.
I clutched the delicious smelling bag to my chest tightly. I hadn't considered Ritsu's broken heart until just this morning. I hadn't considered the wrath his broken heart might bring until Soubi brought it up. Perhaps Soubi really did know Ritsu better than I did, even after all these years.
I nodded shortly.
"You're right. Let's go."
/Fair, kind, and true have often lived alone,/
/Which three till now never kept seat in one./