Lupin III Fan Fiction ❯ Daddy's Girl ❯ Dead Ringer ( Chapter 3 )

Daddy's Girl

By Bekka Mouri-Hibiki

(Lupin isn't mine. Lupin tries to work on his next caper while Toshiko rests.)

Part Three: Dead Ringer

Lupin walked into the living room, glanced around then looked towards the couch. The usual occupant was laying there, his fedora pulled down over his eyes and he looked like he was napping. ~He's nothing but a huge black cat, ~ Lupin mused. " Hey, Jigen. "

" What is it, Lupin? " Jigen muttered without moving his hat.

" Do you know what time Fujiko left last night? " Lupin asked.

" How the hell am I supposed to know? She's your girlfriend and I'm not her keeper, " Jigen grumbled. " Why don't you put a leash on her so you can keep track of her? "

" That wouldn't be kinky enough for her. Anyway, I thought she'd at least stay and help take care of Toshiko, " Lupin said as he got out a cigarette. He lit it and took a drag, " I mean, we could do it but I thought Toshiko would be more comfortable with a woman caring for her. "

" Note what you just said, " Jigen pushed his hat back. " You said a woman. Fujiko is a selfish self-centered bitch that would probably leave a child alone to go have fun… with guns and knives in easy reach. "

" Why do you have to be so harsh on her, Jigen? " Lupin sat down in an armchair next to the couch.

" Didn't you just hear what I said? She's shallow and only gives a shit about herself. Do I need to remind you how many times she's worked with us only to try to give us the shaft? "

" Come on, " Lupin threw his head back in frustration. " You know she only does that when someone is threatening to kill her if she doesn't. She apologizes every time though. "

" So you aren't going to mind when she's apologizing to you in your casket because she got you killed with one of her stupid stunts? " Jigen narrowed his eyes at Lupin.

" It wouldn't be long until she saw me again, " Lupin said. " She'd die of grief if anything like that happened. "

Jigen scoffed, " Sure. She'll probably hit on someone before you're cold… if I don't shoot her first. "

" What did she do to you that's made you so angry with her? " Lupin asked.

" Aren't you paying attention? Do you need a list? " Jigen sat up. " She's rude. She's inconsiderate. She's ill tempered and she's spoiled. "

" Yeah but so are you, " Lupin glared at Jigen. " What has she personally done to you? "

" Do you want a list? " Jigen started ticking off on his fingers as he verbally listed Fujiko's transgressions. " She's hit me in the head with a hammer, she's nearly gotten me blown up more than once… Do I have to remind you about Pycal of the flaming finger? I still have a scar on my ass from when you figured out how he shot fire from his finger! "

" It's okay, " Lupin waved his hand. " I haven't got all day but you need to not hold so many grudges. You're still alive, right? "

" Barely, " Jigen snorted. " If you want visuals, I can show you some of the scars she's responsible for. "

The front door opened and Fujiko stepped inside. She looked at Lupin, " Good morning, Lupin! "

" Fujiko! We were just talking about you! " Lupin gushed as he stood up to welcome Fujiko with open arms and ignored Jigen's disgusted growl.

She walked across the floor and gave him a quick hug, narrowing her eyes at Jigen as she did. " I know. I heard most of it. It's so nice to know that Jigen loves me so much. "

" Everyone has stress in life, " Jigen said as he got out a cigarette and lit it. He took a drag and exhaled it, " You just happen to be the main cause of a lot of mine. "

" What would I do without your biting wit? " Fujiko replied sarcastically as she let go of Lupin. She looked at him, " How's Toshiko? "

" I just looked in on her but she's still sleeping, " Lupin looked towards the stairs.

" This isn't going to interfere with your plans, is it? " Fujiko asked, pouting slightly.

" What plans? " Jigen asked. " Did you tell her something before you told me? "

" Get your boxers out of a bunch, " Fujiko rolled her eyes. " He just said he had plans but he never told me what. He said he wanted to wait for you and Goemon to hear them as well. "

" Oh, " Jigen grunted. " And for your information, I don't wear boxers. "

" Then get your briefs or whatever out of a bunch, " Fujiko threw her hands up in the air. " I really don't care about your underwear. "

" They're a really great brand, " Jigen smirked. " It's a brand a slut like you would really go for. They're called 'commando'. "

" Gross! That was way too much information! I'm going to be sick! " Fujiko said then pretended like she was gagging.

Lupin grabbed Fujiko, " Quick! Think happy thoughts! Think about me naked! "

Fujiko slapped Lupin across the face, " Let go, pervert. That's even worse. "

" Everyone is lively as usually, " Goemon commented as he walked into the room from the kitchen.

Lupin blinked as Fujiko wiggled out of his grip, " Jigen. "

" Yeah, " Jigen said.

" I thought we didn't have a door in the kitchen, " Lupin said slowly.

" You do now, " Goemon smirked.

Lupin whined, " Goemon! "

Jigen chuckled, " He's kidding. He came in through the bathroom window. He's been in the kitchen fixing breakfast. I knew he was here but didn't get a chance to tell you. "

" I don't know how come you don't understand the concept of the FRONT door but could you try? " Lupin said.

Goemon shrugged, " I wanted to make you scream, that's all. "

" You really need to girlfriend, " Lupin put his hand to his forehead and shut his eyes.

" So, everyone is here. What are these plans? " Fujiko said, giving Lupin a very come hither look.

" Breakfast sounds good, " Lupin opened his eyes and gave Fujiko a go yon look. " Why don't you give Goemon a hand? I'm starving! "

Fujiko growled and slapped Lupin before walking towards the kitchen. " Asshole, " She muttered.

" You okay there, Fujiko? It looks like you're walking a little funny, " Jigen said as he noticed Fujiko was walking like her legs were very sore. " Did your date want to see just how flexible you are? "

" Fuck you, " Fujiko glared at Jigen over her shoulder.

" Not for all the money in the world, bitch. "

" The same goes for me, " Fujiko replied as she turned to face him. " You'd have to be the last man alive. "

" I'd sooner cut off my cock than stick it in you, you little…" Jigen was cut off as Lupin jerked him back by his collar.

" Stop it! " Lupin growled. " No talking about self mutilation before breakfast, you two. "

Fujiko turned around, flipping her hair and huffing as she walked into the kitchen. Goemon looked at Lupin, " You are sending her to where all the sharp knives are. "

" Yeah but you've got Zantetsuken so you should be safe, " Lupin sighed. " She should calm down before I tell her the plans. "

" I understand, " Goemon nodded and went into the kitchen.

Lupin turned to Jigen, " And you need to calm down too. Go take a walk or something. I'm not saying one word about the next job until the two of you are able to sit in the same room for five minutes. "

" Then I'm going to leave then. I'll never be able to stay in the same room with her for a minute let alone five right now, " Jigen walked towards the door.

" Goemon isn't the only one who needs a woman, " Lupin growled.

" Yeah, whatever. I'll just stick with my gun and my scotch, " Jigen called over his shoulder. " I don't need some bitch stabbing me in the back. "

Lupin started to say something else but Jigen walked out the door, slamming it hard behind him. " Asshole, " Lupin muttered. " I better go check on Toshiko again. "

**

Jigen walked through the woods that skirted Lupin's property, grinding the end of his cigarette in his lips. He knew that it was useless to argue with Lupin over Fujiko. He had seen too many vamps like her in his life and knew they only wanted money, no matter what it took to get it. He had picked himself up from the path of destruction of one such woman and swore never to let it happen again.

~Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results, ~ He thought to himself. The statement seemed to apply to many things in his life, like telling Lupin to not trust Fujiko and arguing with her. He walked down a path that led to a particularly dense thicket of trees, ceasing the abuse on his cigarette as he tried to calm down. ~Maybe we can get along long enough to hear what Lupin has in mind. ~

He kicked at a small rock, following it to where it landed each time he kicked it until it got too close to some shrubs. He leaned down to pick the rock up, something in the bushes catching his eye. " What the hell? " He muttered as he leaned in for a closer look.

He picked up a stick from the ground and drew out what he had found. " A blanket? " He looked at it, wondering where it had come from. He pulled it out and looked it over, frowning before he used the stick to stuff it back where it had come from once it occurred to him just what it had been used for.

" Damn teenagers, " He said, pitching the stick away. " Now I got to wash my friggin' hands. Whatever happened to going to the damn drive-in to get laid? "

**

Goemon was keeping his distance from Fujiko in the kitchen as she slammed the dishes down on the table while she was setting it. She grabbed up the coffee cups and saucers then started setting them on the table, banging each of them down. " Could you please settle down? " Goemon asked from where he stood at the stove.

" How can I? " Fujiko screeched as she clutched one of the mugs tightly in her hand. " He does and says everything he possibly can to piss me off and you want me to calm down? "

" The both of you are behaving like small children and it must stop! " Goemon's voice steadily increased, the last word of his sentence nearly shaking the walls. He dodged when Fujiko flung the mug she was holding at his head. He shot across the kitchen, capturing her in his arms before the mug had finished shattering.

" Let me go! " Fujiko shouted as she struggled in the samurai's grip.

" No! I will not let you go until you have calmed down! You could very well hurt yourself considering the state you are in now! " Goemon held her tightly, determined not to let go until Fujiko relented in her anger.

" If you don't let me go, I will hit you and you won't like where I'm going to hit you either, " Fujiko ground out through clenched teeth.

" I will break your hands if you get them anywhere close to my crotch, " Goemon replied evenly. " Now, settle down. "

Fujiko struggled with all her might, " I will not settle down! "

" You give me no choice, woman. "

" What are you going to do? " Fujiko said then screamed as Goemon forced her to the floor. " Lupin! Rape! "

Goemon leaned into Fujiko's ear, " I would not stoop that low. I am doing this for your safety. Now, calm down unless you want to be here for a while. "

" Safety my ass! " Fujiko growled. " You're bigger than me and you're going to hurt me if you don't get off! "

" I will not hurt you, " Goemon replied. He was trying to hold her firmly but not so tight he would break his word. " You will be more of a danger to yourself than I would ever be. "

" Let me go or I'll scream again! " Fujiko continued to thrash the best she could but Goemon was now using his legs to hold hers together. She tried to arch upward to push him off but stopped when she felt something hard pressing into her back. She narrowed her eyes and wiggled her body so she was rubbing the protrusion.

" Woman! " Goemon gasped. " Stop that! "

" Either you let me up or I'll keep doing this, " She glanced over her shoulder. She found Goemon had his eyes squeezed shut and he was blushing deeply. She smiled, " I can't move much but I can move just enough to make you realize this was a really bad idea. "

" I will make you sorry if you don't stop, " Goemon ground out.

" I bet you would love to make me sorry, " Fujiko purred. " All you have to do is push my skirt up a little bit then move my panties aside… "

" You don't need to give me instructions, " Goemon sounded like it was taking everything he had to ignore what Fujiko was doing to him. " I don't have that in mind so please stop instructing me. "

" I just thought I'd help you out since you want me so bad and probably don't know what to do, " Fujiko sounded like she was taunting him. " Why else would you be in this shape? "

" I do not want you, " Goemon said. " I never thought of you in such an impure way. "

" Liar, " Fujiko retorted. " If you hurry, you can still screw me before anyone comes in here. "

" I do not want to screw you! " Goemon hissed in her ear.

" Why not? You're already so close, " Fujiko whispered. " There's so little standing in your way. "

" Woman… " Goemon growled.

" Whoa! Fucking shit, Fujiko! Lupin told you to help him make breakfast, not teach him how to make babies! " Jigen said from the kitchen doorway. In all the commotion, neither of them noticed him when he came in.

Fujiko looked towards the doorway and narrowed her eyes; " I don't want to see your face right now! I'm still mad at you! "

" Holy friggin' mood swings, " Jigen said as he leaned against the doorframe. He smirked, " You don't look very mad to me. Matter of fact, you look like you're enjoying this. "

" I am not! " Fujiko screeched. " He's crushing me! "

" Could you please not stare like that? " Goemon ground out as he struggled to control Fujiko as she got a second wind and started to fight harder to get loose from him.

" I can't help it. It's like watching a train wreck, " Jigen said. " I try to look away but I can't. Of course, I bet this is a new experience for her. "

" What do you mean? " Fujiko hissed.

" I bet this is the first time you've ever been held down like that without a cock being shoved up inside of you, " Jigen chuckled.

" That's disgusting! " Fujiko shouted. " How can you be such a fucking pervert? "

" Jigen! Please! " Goemon added.

" I found the most interesting thing while I was outside, " Jigen looked away for Goemon's sake. The poor guy looked like all of his blood was in his face because he was blushing very deeply. " I think teenagers have been sneaking onto the property for a variation of what you two are doing right now and I found evidence to support that theory. "

" Jigen! Don't make her any angrier! I am having a problem controlling her as it is; " Goemon said but was surprised when Fujiko suddenly stilled. " Huh? "

" What was that? " Lupin said as he walked up to Jigen. He looked in the kitchen and his eyes went wide. " Damn it! I missed everything! "

" You didn't miss a thing, " Jigen got out a cigarette and lit it. " He was just trying to control her temper tantrum and things got out of hand. That's what I hope it was anyway. If he was trying to screw her, I'd suggest having him committed. "

" I wasn't! " Goemon protested.

" Anyway, " Lupin looked like he didn't believe him. " I could have told you that way doesn't work, Goemon. She either gets you in the nutcrackers or teases you until you can't stand it any more and need to do something about it. "

" This information is a little too late but I will keep it in mind for later reference, " Goemon said then looked down at Fujiko. She was lying rather still and he wondered if she had passed out. " Are you ready to behave? "

" Let me up, " Fujiko said quietly.

" Gladly, " Goemon eased off of her. He looked away when he saw that all of their struggling had caused her skirt to ride up and nearly expose half of her rear.

" Are you okay, Fujiko? " Lupin asked from the doorway.

" Yeah, " Fujiko sat up. She pulled her halter-top back where it belonged for it had ridden up as well. " I'm just a little exhausted. "

" My work here is finished, " Goemon got to his feet. " Luckily, I had just turned the heat off under the food before this incident started so breakfast is ready and is not burnt. "

" Good thinking, man. Why don't you go to the bathroom and get cleaned up? You're a mess, " Lupin said as he stepped aside. " I'll tell you guys the plans once you come back. "

Jigen stayed in the doorway, his fedora obscuring his eyes but Fujiko could feel them on her. She smoothed her skirt down, trying to look anywhere but at him. Lupin started to walk away and she felt panic well up inside of her. " Lupin! "

Lupin turned quickly, " What is it baby? "

" Don't go, " Fujiko sounded like she was scared.

Lupin frowned, " I have to though. It's… um, you know. "

" He's saying he's got to go to the bathroom, " Jigen muttered.

" Yeah, " Lupin said. " I'll be back in a minute. "

Fujiko watched as he left, leaving her and Jigen alone in the kitchen. She looked at the floor, " What do you want? "

Jigen smirked, " I noticed you got awful quiet when I mentioned that blanket. "

" It had nothing to do with that, " Fujiko said. " I was exhausted, that's all. "

" You seemed pretty energetic until I said 'blanket', " Jigen walked into the room and knelt down next to her. " Look at me when I'm talking to you. You should at least show me that much respect. "

" I don't have to show you any respect because you never show me any, " Fujiko refused to look at him.

" I may not be Nero Wolf but I can figure out this little mystery, " Jigen reached for Fujiko's chin and made her face him. " Could you at least have the decency not to leave shit like that laying around? Lupin is going to have puppies if he finds out you're shagging guys on his property. "

" You make me sound like a slut. It's only one guy. Lupin won't find out, right? " Fujiko avoided his glare.

" If you watch your step, he won't. How hard is it for you to straighten up and fly right, babe? " Jigen said. " You never know when to watch your back. "

" Are you saying I can't take care of myself? " Fujiko arched an eyebrow.

" Yes, " Jigen let go of her chin. " I'm not going to do it for you though. "

Jigen stood up and offered a hand to Fujiko. She took it reluctantly, letting him help her to her feet. " Please don't say anything. The man has something really expensive I'm trying to steal. "

" So you're trying to fuck it out of him? " Jigen let go of her hand.

" You've heard of the Golden Gun, right? " Fujiko looked serious.

" Isn't that some James Bond flick? " Jigen tipped his hat a back a bit then stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table.

" Yes but the gun is real. The man I'm sleeping with owns it, " Fujiko looked towards the kitchen door.

" Have you seen it? " Jigen arched an eyebrow.

" Not yet, " Fujiko shook her head.

Jigen rolled his eyes, " He's shitting you. "

" Would you not be so skeptical? " Fujiko hissed. " I did the research and he's the one. "

" Shhh, " Jigen hushed Fujiko. " Lupin and Goemon are coming back. I just heard the upstairs and downstairs bathroom doors shut. "

A few moments later, Goemon and Lupin returned to the kitchen. Goemon arched an eyebrow. " Interesting. They are both still standing and there are no knives in the walls. "

" Awww! I think they settled their differences! " Lupin gushed. " Are you two going play like good little boys and girls now? "

" Ah shove it, " Jigen sat down at the table. " We're both tired of fighting for now. Wait until we get our energy back if you want to see some more fireworks. "

Fujiko sat down in the seat across from Jigen, " I'm sorry about earlier Goemon. "

" Which part? " Goemon crossed his arms over his chest. " The part where you threw the coffee mug at me or the part where you tested my strength of mind not to kill you? "

" Now, now. You can't go around killing every woman that rubs her ass on your crotch, Goemon. It's just not kosher, " Lupin gave a strained chuckled. His expression became serious, " However, if you had followed through with fucking Fujiko on my kitchen floor, I would have had to kill you. "

" I have no desire to couple with your woman so you your can keep your threats to yourself, " Goemon gave Lupin a glare that promised death.

Lupin made a squeak-like noise of fear then sighed, " Anyway. Let's eat. "

Goemon moved toward the stove and Lupin followed. After the two of them had brought all of the food to the table, they sat down across from each other. " So, " Jigen said as they began to pass the plates around.

" So what? " Lupin looked puzzled.

" What's the plan you keep not telling us about? " Jigen reached for the coffee pot and found he didn't have a mug. " Damn it. It figures it was my mug that got broke. "

" Take mine, " Fujiko pushed hers across the table. " You can use this one for now. "

" I wouldn't, " Goemon said and stood up. He went to the cupboard and got another mug. He handed it to Jigen. " She might have put poison in it while I wasn't looking. "

" Very funny, " Fujiko took her mug back.

" You were rather livid and I wouldn't have put it past you, " Goemon sat back down.

" Do you all want to hear this plan or not? " Lupin slammed his fist down on the table, rattling the dishes and silver.

" Yes, " Jigen nodded.

" Sure, " Fujiko said.

" I have been waiting all morning to, " Goemon stated.

Lupin smiled, " Good. Now, I know we've had a rather active morning but there's still plenty to take care of. The first order of business is still asleep upstairs. Fujiko, you're going to wake her up and give her breakfast once we've finished down here. With that out of the way, we can discuss our next job. "

" A new job? " Goemon asked then took a sip of tea.

" What shiny thing has caught your eye this time, Lupin? " Jigen smirked.

Fujiko glanced at Lupin as she started buttering her toast but said nothing. Lupin's grin broadened, " A legendary firearm known as The Golden Gun. "

Jigen dropped his coffee cup to the table as Fujiko dropped her toast onto her cleavage. Goemon simply arched an eyebrow. " Isn't that a James Bond movie? " He asked calmly as Lupin looked between Fujiko trying to wipe butter off of her breasts and Jigen trying to keep the hot coffee from running off the table onto his lap.

" Yeah but the gun is real, " Jigen said as he grabbed Lupin's napkin to help stop the coffee. " Didn't you know that? "

" It is? " Fujiko acted surprised as she dabbed the butter from her chest. " Lupin, you can't be serious. Lupin? "

Lupin was staring at Fujiko's breasts, a little bit of drool in the corner of his mouth. " I can help you with that butter, " He said slowly.

" Focus Lupin! " Fujiko shouted and slapped his face. " You've finally told us what's so damn important but we need to know the rest of the plan. "

Lupin rubbed his cheek, " Oh yeah. Anyway, the man that owns the gun is here in Japan. I found out a few days ago. "

" You know anything about him? " Jigen managed to get the coffee sopped up and was no longer in danger of getting burned.

Lupin reached into his shirt pocket, " I have a picture of him… " He was surprised when Fujiko snatched the photo away. " Fujiko? "

" Holy shit! " Fujiko said in disbelief. " I can't believe this… Oh my God… "

" Let me see that, " Jigen grabbed it away from her. " Damn it. Is this some sort of sick joke? "

" No joke, Jigen. Slap a fedora and a black suit on that bastard and he's a dead ringer for you, " Lupin plucked the photo out of Jigen's fingers. " Or take off your fedora and put you in a white suit. "

" It is said that you will die when you see your doppelganger, " Goemon intoned gravely. " I shall pray to Buddha for you. "

" Piss off, " Jigen glared at Goemon. " I won't die unless I see him face to face. I suggest you not jinx me and save the praying for when that happens. "

" I don't feel so good, " Fujiko pushed away from the table stood up. " I need to go lay down. "

The men at the table watched as Fujiko left the room. Lupin then looked at Goemon, " You didn't have to be so rough on her. "

" I was not rough. I simply held her as she thrashed around like a maniac, " Goemon said. " I believe I see the way this plan is heading. "

" And how is that, oh wise one? " Lupin arched an eyebrow.

" You want Jigen to disguise himself as this man so you can facilitate the taking of this Golden Gun, " Goemon picked up his own slice of toast.

Lupin blinked, " Um. Yeah, something like that. We just have to find this guy. Rumors say that he keeps it at his house. "

" Where's that? " Jigen set his coffee cup upright and poured himself another cup and silently hoped he would actually get to drink it.

" I don't know yet, " Lupin said. " I'm working on it though. "

" Okay, " Jigen nodded then cut his eyes towards the kitchen door. ~I knew she was lying to me. ~

" Worried about Fujiko? " Lupin arched an eyebrow.

" No. I was just thinking, " Jigen shook his head.

Goemon narrowed his eyes. He could sense something in the tone of Jigen's voice that spoke volumes. " Do you even have the faintest clue, Lupin? " He asked.

" About what? " Lupin asked.

" The location of the owner of the gun, " Goemon said.

" I don't know why but I feel like he's really close, " Lupin shrugged. He shrugged, " Enough with the talking. Let's eat. "