Lupin III Fan Fiction ❯ The Final Heist ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

On a dark night, not so very long ago, the wind blew in strong and snowy from the north. Fujiko Mine stood in the doorway of her decrepit mansion, shivered, squinted into the falling snow, and waited.

~~~

"Welcome back, boys."

"Friggin' hell Fujiko, don't you get lonely, rattling around in this old place by yourself." Jigen muttered, shaking snow over the hallway and eying the dusty gilt frames lining the walls.

"Really, boys, who says I was here by myself?" Fujiko tittered. "Oh, don't look so alarmed, there's no one here. Well, not tonight anyway. For Pete's sake, stop looking at me like that, Goemon, and come in. It's freezing, and I don't have Interpol stashed in the back room. They wouldn't fit." She stepped back from the door and waited.

"Come this way, I started a fire in the library, it's the only warm room in the house." She shrugged. It's hardly worthwhile to heat the whole place just for me, so most nights I just sleep on the couch."

She rubbed dust off the table with her shirt sleeve and grimaced ruefully. "At some point I've got to pay someone to come in and clean the place up."

"It is a dangerous thing, woman, to reminisce with former rivals." murmured Goemon, tossing a few more logs unto the fire.

"Nice to see I haven't lost my taste for danger, then. Here--" she added, tugging at a corked bottle, "I brought up some of the good stuff."

"Here, let me." Jigen deftly uncorked the bottle and sniffed appreciatively "Wow, Fujiko, this isn't too bad."

He poured a few inches into a glass, swirled and sipped. "Where'd you get this? Maybe we could make a side trip, pick up a few dozen bottles."

"Came with the house. Help yourself, Jigen, it's lost on me."

Jigen tossed the wine back and held out his glass for a refill. "Lupin would have appreciated it." he muttered sullenly.

Fujiko poured, and bit her tongue for a moment. "Yes, I suppose he would have."

Jigen scowled at her, set down his glass, and picked up the bottle. "You wanted to reminisce." he said thickly, in between swallows, "Why don't we start with the last heist."

"The orange jade statue?" Fujiko said slowly.

"No." Jigen growled, "The one where you left us all to die like dogs in the underbrush."

"Um. You know, guys--" Fujiko swallowed nervously as Jigen leaned over her, wine bottle dangling from one hand, the other reaching for his gun, "that wasn't exactly how I had planned things would go."

Behind her Goemon snorted softly.

"Oh really? What? You thought we'd be shot by Interpol and you'd have the treasure to yourself? Sorry to disappoint you, Princess." Jigen slammed the bottle against the couch, and Fujiko winced as wine splashed over the rug.

"Enough." Goemon leaned over the couch, drawing Jigen toward him. "You must focus, still your anger. Relax, my friend." Jigen sighed and shut his eyes, slumping. Goemon casually wrapped an arm around him, and reached down to gently pry the bottle out of his hand. Silently he passed the bottle to Fujiko, gesturing for her to put it away.

"That's enough for now, Daisuke." he added, settling Jigen on the couch in front of the fire.

Fujiko sprawled across the other couch, heels digging into the leather. Across from her, Jigen stared morosely into the flames and wriggled closer to Goemon.

"So why'd you do it Fujiko? My leg, Goemon's hand--" he trailed off.

The fire crackled merrily in the silence, and at last Jigen looked up to see Fujiko, looking contrite, picking at the tufted pillow she was cuddling.

"I didn't mean it." she said. "I didn't mean it to go like it did. And if it makes you feel better, I got hurt too."

"What didja break a fingernail?" Jigen taunted. "Ouch! Jeez Goemon! Ah, friggin hell, Fujiko-- I was just-- " he scowled at her, rubbing his bruised arm.

"Perhaps there is more to this story than we thought, Jigen." Goemon remarked calmly.

"No shit. Isn't there always?" Jigen replied.

~~~

"I had long suspected," said Fujiko some time later, "that there was more to Zenigata chases Lupin chases me than met the eye. Sure, Pops was dedicated, but no one spends ten years of his life slurping down roman noodles and filling out Interpol forms unless they're convinced that what they're doing is somehow worthwhile.

But why was Pops so drawn to Lupin? He's not terribly dangerous, he only steals from the rich, and I've never known him to hurt an innocent bystander. If all Pops cared about was catching evil villains, there are plenty of those far more sinister than Lupin. There had to be another reason.

As for Lupin. I did care about him, honestly I did, and you two can jolly well stop sniggering behind your hands. But let me tell you, I've seen that man awake and asleep, drunk off his ass, drugged, and covered from head to feet in any number of noxious substances. After that, well, it's not real likely I'm going to go starry-eyed for him. And we did screw, any number of times. What, you boys weren't aware of that? Bastard. Typical: gets a lay from me and sympathy from you. Just so long as he never-- No, scratch that, I don't think I want to know.

But at some point, we simply moved on. I felt like I was screwing my older brother, and while I'll do kinky, that's somewhere where I'm frankly not going to go. And for Lupin, well, I'm not sure. I know that he got a lot less interested in the actual act, and a lot more interested in the process. He wanted to chase me, wanted me to shake my boobs in his face, but he didn't actually want to catch me. And then I noticed that he was ... watching out for Pops, more than usual, more than necessary. The merry chase, he called it. But I kept noticing how close he would come to--" Fujiko gestured helplessly and shook her head.

"Oh, I don't know. In retrospect I suppose it's easy enough to read my twisted innuendo into innocent conversations."

"Friggin hell, Fujiko, you nearly kill us, and that's the best you can come up with." Jigen snapped his lighter shut, and inhaled half his cigarette. "You're loosing your touch bitch."

There was a long silence, and Fujiko fidgeted with the tassels on the pillow. At last she spoke, her voice bright and brittle. "You remember don't you, Jigen-chan, Lupin had been living on coffee and cigarettes for several days, he was experimenting with smoke bombs, coloured, scented--"

"Yeah. Place smelled like a whore house." Jigen grimaced at the memory and took a comforting drag of his cigarette.

"You left in disgust, Goemon was--"

"I was meditating, clearing my mind--"

"Your nose." Jigen interjected.

"--for the upcoming heist. I heard the Interpol helicopters, and proceeded to notify you, Jigen. And you, Fujiko."

"I went inside," Fujiko continued, staring into the fire. "opening windows and looking for Lupin. Find the idiot passed out on the floor of the bedroom, sleeping the sleep of the partially drugged and completely exhausted."

"So, you're saying the smoke bombs didn't affect him at all." Jigen said blandly, flipping the remains of his cigarette into the fire.

Surprised, Fujiko giggled and nodded. "I tried to wake him up. I kept telling him Interpol had come; we needed to leave. Just as I'm about to give up, and haul his sorry ass out of the house, he sits up and starts trying to unbutton my shirt. I hit him with my purse, and wait for the wounded comeback line, but instead he starts kissing me. Hard. Passionately. He grabs my ass, and, eyes still closed, mutters, 'Where'd you put the handcuffs, Inspector?' And that, my friends, was the point at which I left him to his smoke induced dreams." She paused, combing the tassels on the pillow. The silence stretched.

"Ok, fine." she said defiantly "I intended to leave. It's just that, well, I was curious, wanted to see why he wasn't even trying to get into my pants any more. And when I saw him, touching himself and calling for Zenigata, I figured that, as a-- a-"

"Jilted lover?"

"-partner in crime, the least I could do was find out if Pops was interested." "Friggin hell, Fuji-- You could have talked to us first, you know."

"What was I supposed to say? He'd been chasing me for years. Like you'd really believe he wanted Zenegata instead, and was just settling for the nearest hot--" She broke off, looking disgusted.

"She does have a point."

Jigen snorted. "I never thought I'd see the day. Goemon and Fujiko agreeing on something. That calls for a drink." Jigen lit another cigarette and looked hopefully at the cabinet where Fujiko had hidden the bottle.

"No Daisuke, you've had enough for tonight."

"Says you." Jigen muttered, as Goemon's hand slid toward his sword hilt.

"Goemon," Fujiko chirped, trying to distract them, distract herself, "While you have your sword out, why don't we make some sandwiches."

~~~

I guess it sounds stupid if you stop to think about it." Fujiko said, biting into her sandwich.

"Guess that's not a flaw if you don't think." Jigen retorted.

"Exactl-- Hey!" Fujiko scooped a pile of napkins off the table and flung them at Jigen. "Jerk!" He batted at them, emerging victorious, only to discover Goemon stealing the last of his chips.

"Ok, so I don't plan things out like you two do. Never have. 'Cause then I panic until finally I have to do just to stop thinking about it; halfway through the job I start remembering all the stuff I planned to do and I get really panicky cause, here I am on step ten and I've forgotten steps two and three and then I really fuck up and Lupin has to save my ass."

She tossed her hair, preening. "Besides, I did just fine before I met you guys. I didn't make a bundle, but I did ok."

"But did petty thieving pay better than the whorehouse?" Jigen leaned back and lit another cigarette. This was her half-assed logic for screwing them over? Last time he'd listen to Goemon blithering about peace and forgiveness.

"That's none of your damn business. It was a fucking heist. That's all it was." She ran for the door, hitting her shoulder against Jigen's chair.

"Friggin hell! Fujiko!" Jigen leaned back, grabbed her arm. "I was just joking; I never knew you actually-- Why didn't you ask? I mean, if you were that broke we would have--"

Fujiko stood still, yanking her mind back to the present. Trust Jigen to inadvertently mention one of the few heists she hated remembering. Automatically she reached out; took the cup of scalding tea from Goemon.

"Drink woman." Goemon held the saucer and watched as Fujiko slurped tea. "Son of a bi--. Goemon, you knew about this."

"I was--" Goemon swallowed, fighting unpleasant memories of his own."Aware of it, yes."

"When you get right down down to it, I suck at taking care of people." Fujiko remarked. She hurried to the other side of the kitchen, and began to wipe off the counter.

~~~

"So you went to find Zenigata?" Jigen rummaged through the cabinets, looking for cookies.

"Huh?" Fujiko was stacking dishes in the sink, and looking distracted.

"Lupin. Zenigata. Orange jade statue. You bailed." Jigen emerged, triumphantly clutching a package of Oreos, and set to work tearing at them with his teeth.

"Oh yeah, that." Fujiko rinsed the last dish, and set it in the drainer. "As you both know, Interpol field recruits tend to be pretty inept. And I'm not nearly as well-known as Lupin. It was pretty easy, actually."

Goemon calmly took the package of Oreos from Jigen, sliced them open, and handed them back, bowing slightly. She leaned forward and swiped the cookie out of Jigen's hand and took a quick bite.

"Friggin-- Get your own!" Jigen snatched it back, jammed it in his mouth, and reached for another. "Hey! Whatcha do with--" He broke off as Goemon dangled the package in front of him.

"I 'got my own.'" Goemon said smugly, popping the cookie into his mouth; trying to look innocent.

Fujiko snickered. "Interpol had taken over the local hotel. I put on a maid uniform and walked right in. Pops was on the roof, armed with binoculars." she snorted. As if Lupin would appear undisguised on the street wearing a neon sign."

"We've done it before." Goemon reached for the last cookie.

"True. I brought him a cup of coffee and some hot water for his noodles. He talked to me for ten minutes before he realized who I was. By that time I had taken his handcuffs and his gun."

"And his wallet, no doubt."

"Honestly, Jigen. What would I want with his wallet? Did take his cash, though. I asked him why he chased Lupin. He blustered for a while; gave me the usual platitudes about Bringing Evil Criminals to Justice. When he wound down I gave him more coffee and asked why he chased Lupin, instead of focusing on someone who was more destructive. He wouldn't answer, and started watching the city again." She shook her head ruefully, remembering.

~~~

'It figures.' He had muttered 'They send you to distract me while they do their dirty work. But it's not going to work. Not this time. I'm going to catch him, and I'm gonna cuff him and I'm gonna--"

She had come up behind him, slipping her arms around his neck, whispering into his ear, "What do you want to do to him then, Inspector?"

He had spun around, and slapped her away red-faced. "What I want has nothing to do with it! Um-- I mean, I'm going to bring him to justice."

Fujiko had chuckled, satisfied. "Oh, I'm sure you'll show him the full extent of the law." And she was gone, leaving Zenigata alone with his thoughts.

~~~

"Full extent of the law? I can't believe you actually said that to him." Jigen laughed. "Poor guy. He must have gone back to his room and jerked off."

Fujiko looked up at the ceiling and whistled innocently.

"You bugged his room?! Fujiko that's evil, even for you."

"Hey, lighten up." Fujiko tried unsuccessfully to look perturbed. "I had to have something to show Lupin. It isn't like I stood there and watched. Much."

"Do you have the tape?"

"Now who's evil, Jigen?"

"I must admit a certain amount of curiosity as well." Goemon chimed in.

"Perverts. I'll see if I can find it: I think I have a copy upstairs somewhere." Fujiko yawned. "You guys had already left by the time I got back to the hideout. I'm exhausted, can't you fill in the rest of it yourself?"

"No. I want to hear you tell it." Jigen held up a hand to ward off Fujiko's protest. "But it can wait until tomorrow. I'm pretty tired myself."

"Well, in that case, let's call it a night. Come on, I cleaned out one of the upstairs bedrooms for you guys. There's food in the fridge, help yourselves, I'm planning to sleep late tomorrow." Fujiko shut off the kitchen lights, and led the way upstairs. "Here's your room. There are extra blankets on both beds, and in the closet, it gets pretty cold here at night. The bath is through this door, and my room is right here. Night boys, sleep well." She blew them a kiss and shut her door.

Jigen picked up his bag and turned to Goemon. "Do you think she knows?"

"No, not yet. But she suspects. It would be foolish to underestimate her."

"That's the understatement of the century." Jigen set his shoes on the floor and dug in his bag. "I'm gonna take a shower-- I'd rather freeze my ass off tonight instead of tomorrow morning."

"I believe I will meditate before bed."

"I'll be sure and tuck you in when you start snoring."