Magic Knight Rayearth Fan Fiction ❯ 1-800 Bishoujo ❯ 1-800 Bishoujo ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

<Authors Notes: Hey! I got good reviews on Bishounen so I decided to write on for the girls of Rayearth. The dating service people so well with them, that they insisted on doing a 1-800 bishoujo service as well. Presea isn't in this because she had a dentist oppointment. Alcionne, after finding out she couldn't request Zagato through 1-800 bishounen, *he's booked for the next two months* went on a bender and is currently suffering from a nasty hang over.>


Bishoujo

Available girl #1

Caldina: Hi! I'm Caldina, an illusionist from Chizeta! But I've decided to stay in Cefiro perminently...Well for the next three weeks at least.
I enjoy counting money, winning money, buying things with money... Any way if you're looking to go out with me, you'd better have lots of money. I'm very expensive.

LaFarga: She's not kidding! Jeez for someone so skinny, you'd be amazed how much see eats! If I ate like that I would no longer be able to fit into my armour.


Available girl #2

Lady Aska: I'm Lady Aska, but you can call me... Lady Aska. I enjoy painting, playing with fans and bossing Sang Yun around. Sang Yun! Paper and brush!

Sang Yun: Yes! *Gives her a paper and brush*

Lady Aska: *Paints a giant Sang Yun and holds it up to the camera.* Unless you look like this, don't bother calling me!

Sang Yun: What did you paint Lady Aska?

Lady Aska: Never mind! It has nothing to do with you!


Available girl #3

Nova: Hello, my name's Nova. I enjoy setting things on fire, hating everything Hikaru loves, and messing around with Hikaru's mind. If you don't mind being burnred alive, Hikaru hates you, or don't mind being beaten to a bloody death, give me a call!


Available girl #4

I'm Umi Ryuuzaki, 14 years old, eighth garde! I enjoy fencing, being annoyed, swimming and bickering with that perverted old man Clef.

Clef: I am not perverted! *A picture of Umi undressing falls out of his robes.* A Crap!

Umi: Hey is that a picture of me?

Clef: The jig is up! *grabs the pic, and runs off.*

Umi: ...Okay...


Available girl #5

Tatra: Hello! I am Princess Tatra of Chizeta, Chizeta's just such a tiny li'l country now isn't Tarta?

Tarta: Sista, you're not here to tell every one about how small our country is. You're here to advertise your self.

Umi: That just didn't sound right...

Tarta: Hey! No one asked you! *Umi and Tarta start arguing*

Tatra: Isn't my sista just adorable? *Claps her hand together and ditzily smiles as Tarta chases Umi around with a rather large mallet* It's nice to see you excercizing sista. It's important to stay in shape.


Available girl #6

Emeraude: Hello, I am Princess Emeraude of Cefiro. I enjoy sending fruity creatures to lust after my beloved Zagato, looking sad, running away from people... Please save me Legendary Magic Knights! please save me from this accursed flower! For the past five months, I've been living on nothing but flower petals and fish that have mysteriously gotten caught in my long hair! My living quaters are very bleak looking and there's no means of entertainment. Lord Zagato doesn't take me out any more... *Continues complaining in her whiney voice*

Zagato: Now I remember why I put her in THAT particular flower... It has a mute option.^_^ *snaps his fingers and the flower partially eats her. Light muffles are now barely heard emanating from the plant.* Much better. *Starts sipping coco and walks off*


Available girl #7

Fuu Hououji: Hello, I am Fuu Hououji, fourteen years old, eighth grade. I am available girl #7. I enjoy wearing glasses that are far too big for my face, Speaking very proper which ends up annoying everyone around me, and of course, stating the obvious. If I sound interesting, then give me a call and we can schedule a date. Thank you very much for watching this advertisement. *Bows to the camera.* Please excuse me, but I must now go and meet Lady Aska for tea.


Available girl #8

Tarta: *Has her arms crossed over her chest.* Uh, hi. I- I'm Tarta of Ch- Chizeta...

Tatra: Sista, ya just so cute. Be'n so camera shy n' all!

Tarta: What are ya do'n here? And why do I suddenly have fruit stuck in my hair!

Tatra: Why I'm here for moral support! And I braided that fruit into your hair isn't it lovely?

Tarta: I don't care about your stupid fruit!

Tatra: You're so mean to ya'r big sista. *Starts crying*

Tarta: You're impossible! Anyway I enjoy sword fighting, staring at my djin, wearing skimpy clothing and-

Umi: Hello Tarta. I have come to avenge my brused head! *pulls out a mallet 5 times bigger than Tarta's*

Tarta: Wow, that's big. Ah! *Umi starts chasing Tarta with a slight look of insanity in her eyes.*

Umi: Stupid Tarta, you go squish now!

Tarta: Tatra's the stupid one, not me! Wah! *dodges the incredibly large mallet.*

Tatra: Since my sista's a little busy at the moment I'll speak on her behalf. If you are interested in her then call 1-800 bishounen and ask to be transfered over to the bishoujo line. Then ask for my adorable baby sista Tarta!

Tarta: *dodges the massive mallet of destruction once again* A little help Sista!


Availabe girl #9
Debonair: Soon everything in this world will be destroyed! Oh, hello. *straightens her hair for the camera* Come over to my right, it's my better side.

Ferio: No it isn't. You have no good side. You're just too damn ugly!

Debonair: Silence fool! I will no tolerate such insulence from a person with such bazar hair. Very odd indeed. My name is Lady Debonair I enjoy trying to be deep and philosophical but fail misserably, laughing an annoying laugh that nobody in their right frame of mind should be able to tolerate and getting my nails done, I'm actually trying to get into the Cefirian Book of World Records for having the longest nails...
If I sound interesting then call one of my random monster minions, he'll pass on the message and he'll get back to you within thirty days to let you know what my desision is. Mwahahahahaha!

Umi: Who the hell would want to go out with you, you old hag?

Eagle: Potty mouth lady magic knight of water. You shouldn't use such course language around my innocent little Hikaru-chan.

Umi: She's not even here!

Lantis: Your Hikaru?! *cracks his knuckles*

Eagle: Gotta go! *runs away dropping bits of bird seed*

Debonair: You foolishly weak people, stop stealing the spotlight!


Available girl #10

Hikaru: This is really starting to bother me now, I can't find my underwear that went missing while Lantis and I were having se- *looks up to see a camera filming her* Oh, uh... Hello, I'm Hikaru Shidou, 14 years old, eighth grade! I'm the magic knight of fire and the last Pillar of cefiro because I abolished the Pillar system. *looks uneasy* I enjoy practicing Kendo, playing with my doggie Hikari-

Umi: Screwing Lantis...

Hikaru: Huh, what! I would never, I mean I'm not I mean... *Blushes as she vainly tries to lie*

Umi: I was just kidding. Jeez, you'd think that the way you were acting you actually have. But I know you're just shy around the subject.

Hikaru: Uh... Yeah! That's me really shy. *A small container of pills fall out of her pocket*

Umi: What's in the container?

Hikaru: What? this container? *quickly scoops it up off the ground before Umi can see what's in it.* They're just tic tacs. Yeah, tic tacs, that's all. Really! I mean what did you think they were? Birth control pills? They're not birth control pills. Who said anything about me needing birth control pills?

Umi: Uh-

Hikaru: Well I gotta go by Umi! *runs off*

Umi: ...She just gets weirder and weirder...



Available girl #11

Premira: I'm Premira a fairy. I enjoy hanging around Lantis showing off my ability to fly... Hey! Where's Lantis? Is that Hikaru girl bothering him?

Fuu: I believe that Hikaru is currently with sir Lantis, Miss Premira.

Premira: Grrr... Lantis is mine! *fly's off* Yah here me Hikaru, mine! So keep your hands off of him. *smacks into a wall*

Fuu: Miss Premira, are you alright?


And thus concludes this string of bishoujo dating service advertisements.