Magic Knight Rayearth Fan Fiction ❯ For My Happiness Only ❯ Geo: Secrets ( Chapter 1 )

For My Happiness Only
Geo: Secrets

I have always wondered how long one person can hold in a secret feeling, a secret desire. Or just a secret, for that matter.

I've learned that it couldn't be forever. In the end, all secrets are always revealed. Somebody could go through personal belongings and find out. Others can break down doors and locks and vaults. The person who was keeping the secret could accidentally give himself away or could reveal it himself. Or somebody else could study that person for a long time and suddenly realize what it was without any clues but the person's emotions.

It doesn't matter how long it takes, a secret isn't always kept a secret. Someone else always finds out one way or another.

It is only a matter of time before somebody discovers my secret. After so many years, somebody is bound to find out. But who?

My bets go to Lantis. He can read people better than I can, so if I'm not careful, he will realize my feelings.

I don't know if I want him to. If he doesn't know, he most likely wouldn't be able to help me. I need him to help me. He is the only one who is capable of giving me good advice about what to do with this feeling--at least, the only one I trust who is capable. But if he does know, what would he do? Would he tell Eagle? Would he begin to back off from Eagle for me? That would be good and everything, but if it happened and he broke it all off with Eagle, how would Eagle and Hikaru handle it?

Those questions had me putting off telling Lantis ever since after the invasion of Cephiro. Before and during the invasion, well, jealously just got the best of me. He took Eagle. I wanted Eagle. So, yes, I was thoroughly upset at Lantis all throughout the invasion.

How many years ago was that? Zazu was fifteen at the time; it would be four years.

What would happen if Zazu knew? Probably nothing. The reason I didn't tell him... well, there was no reason. After all, my needing Eagle was a secret. Secrets had to be kept until the right time showed itself, and there was never a right time to tell Zazu.

Hikaru will never find out, either. I am persistent that she will not. She is perfectly happy without my interference of anguish, and besides, who am I to corrupt such an innocent girl like Hikaru? I know enough about her to know that if she knew about my feelings for Eagle, she would be depressed, too.

I am not the kind of man who does that sort of thing.

And Eagle?

I should have told Eagle when I had the chance. If I had, maybe he wouldn't have fallen for Lantis. Or maybe he still would have, but at least the feeling would be off my chest. But would we still be friends?

I can't tell him now. I lost him, and nothing I say or do can get him back.

Maybe I should just give up on him. What's the point of chasing after something that has already been caught? Besides, there are a ton of other people, I'm sure. As Umi had once said, "There are other fish in the sea."

There has to be somebody else. After all, I have yet to give her a chance.

***

"'Go to Cephiro'? Are you crazy?"

"Why not, Holden? I thought you liked going to other countries. I can't count how many times you've been to Fahren and Chizeta."

"That's different, Zazu. They're closer countries and easier to get to."

"But Hikaru made it so that we don't need to use roads to go to and from Cephiro!"

"Oh really?"

Geo walked into the main room of his apartment sleepily. His older brother, Holden, sat on the couch and Zazu stood next to him, apparently begging Holden to go with them to Cephiro for the week. Holden seemed disinterested by the fact that creating roads was no longer needed for long distance traveling.

Geo understood why Zazu was here, but Holden?

"Good morning," said Geo. He trudged past the two and headed for the small kitchen.

"Morning, Geo!" said Zazu. "Two more hours before we leave! I wonder if Hikaru and the others will be there..."

Geo opened the pantry and grabbed a pastry from the shelf. "From what I've heard, they try to make it everyday. When was the last time we've been to Cephiro and the girls never showed up?"

"That's true..."

He walked back into the living room and sat next to his brother. "So, Holden, what brings you here? And how did you get into my apartment without--"

Holden held up a small and shiny card in front of Geo's face and narrowed his eyes.

"--a key?"

"You left this in the XFI last time you used it, idiot," said Holden. Geo snatched the keycard from Holden's hands. "Don't leave your junk in my ship."

"Gee, thanks," Geo growled. "But this isn't why you came to see me, is it?"

"I guess I should leave you two alone?" asked Zazu. He stood in front of the two brothers, his face seeming a bit anxious. "Sounds important."

"Sure," said Holden. "When I'm finished, I'll tell you whether or not I'll go with you to Cephiro."

Zazu nodded and bolted into Geo's bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Geo yelled at the direction that Zazu went, "Hey, hey! I never said you could--"

"Leave him alone, little brother," said Holden. Geo glared at Holden.

"You never call me that unless you're upset with me," said Geo. "What the hell is going on?"

Holden stood from his seat and looked out the window. "Why do you always go to and from Cephiro?" he asked solemnly.

"There's a negative to Zazu's answer," said Geo with a sigh. "This had better not be about Eagle again."

"As a matter of fact, little brother, it is," Holden growled.

Holden never liked Eagle, and Geo could only muster one reason why. Eagle was the son of the president. The Metro brothers had grown up in poverty, so it was only natural instinct for Holden to dislike politics heartily. Everything that went wrong with the Metro family, Holden blamed on the government. Geo had been different, of course. He learned to realize that many politicians were not filthy aristocratic bastards and the relatives of such were, for the most part, just like normal people. Besides, when Geo first met Eagle, Eagle had not given him his last name, so Geo was left clueless about his family for a couple of years.

Those couple of years was really all it took for Geo to fall in love with him.

And during those couple of years, Holden was completely suspicious of Eagle. He still was. Luckily, he was clueless about Geo's feelings for him.

"Then spill it," said Geo. He folded his arms impatiently, scowling at Holden's back.

"Everybody knows that Eagle had been in the coma for quite some time now," said Holden. "Four years now, isn't it?"

The coma was eternal sleep. It normally only happened to military officials who used so much of their brain energy that their bodies could no longer function correctly. It had happened to Eagle during the invasion, but because he was in Cephiro, Eagle was slowly recovering and could speak mentally with everybody.

"Four years, yes," said Geo, trying to suppress the hope in his voice. "Why are you asking?"

For a moment, Holden said nothing. Geo could barely see Holden's face against the reflection of the window, so it was difficult to make out his facial expressions.

Finally, Holden spat, "Apparently, Eagle managed to overcome that disease and now he's awake."

Geo expected that answer, but he liked the way the words sounded despite Holden's harsh use of them.

"I see," he said, his cheeks tugging a small smile.

"And so do I," said Holden. He spun on his heel to face Geo with a glower on his face. "Geo, what were you hiding from me?"

Geo frowned. "Hiding? What would I be hiding?"

Holden stormed over to Geo and leaned over him, his face only a head between them.

"Don't lie," he growled. "Cephiro is the land of willpower, isn't it? You go there all the time. There isn't a single full month where you spent exclusively in Autozam ever since after the invasion. In fact, there are five months, three of them this year, where you spent that entire month in Cephiro. You're only supposed to be there for two weeks at the most. Little brother, you had better explain."

Geo pushed Holden away and stood. It was true. Only a couple of weeks ago he returned from Cephiro after staying there for a full month. And it was true that as an ambassador, he was only supposed to be there for two weeks tops before returning to report anything at all to the president.

Nobody could really blame him for staying, could he? Cephiro was a very relaxing country.

"What is there to explain?" asked Geo. He glared at Holden. "So I stay in Cephiro two weeks longer than I'm supposed to. What's the big deal?"

"A month in Cephiro, two weeks in Autozam, that's how it has been all year," said Holden. "I'm beginning to suspect something between you and Eagle, especially now that he's awake."

"What would there be happening between us?" Geo asked.

"Had this been the real you, you would have followed the president's orders and only help out with Eagle's little dilemma during your free time," said Holden. His scowl turned deadlier. "Considering that a pollution cure still has yet to be found, I don't think you've been devoting yourself to your mission. You've been concentrating more on waking Eagle back up, haven't you?"

Geo loosened his facial muscles so that he was no longer frowning. He didn't know what to say to that. Was it true?

"Tell me, Geo," said Holden, "what the hell is going on between you and Eagle."

Geo shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "There is nothing."

"I don't believe that--"

"There is nothing!" Geo insisted. He clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes. "I wish there was, but there isn't, and there's nothing I can do about it. There. Is. Nothing."

Holden tilted his head, the anger in his eyes leaving behind only curiosity. "You wish there was something? Isn't he your best friend?"

Geo closed his eyes and turned away from Holden. "Compared to Lantis, I'm nothing."

"Compared to Lantis, you're nothing?" Holden repeated. "What's that suppo--wait. Lantis and Eagle... no. It can't be true--you're not in love with Eagle, are you?"

From there, Geo had no idea what to think or to say. He could lie and say that he was merely jealous that Eagle enjoyed being around Lantis's company more than his. It wouldn't contradict anything of what he just said, that was for sure. Holden knew about the relationship between Lantis and Eagle, but even so, best friends can be jealous of lovers. But if he did lie, he wouldn't be able to look at Holden in the eyes, and Holden would know that he was fibbing. Should he extend the truth longer or get it over with now?

The pause seemed to be all Holden needed for an affirmation. "I should've known," he said. "I've always thought you two acted a little too friendly around each other. But this--"

"Doesn't matter," said Geo. He gave up. Holden knew now, and there was no use denying it. "It doesn't matter because Eagle has Lantis and Hikaru, and he has no need for me."

Holden placed a hand on Geo's shoulder and gently spun him around. His eyes were not mocking or pitiful, but instead, affectionate, something that Geo was not used to seeing from his older brother.

With a light-hearted tone to his voice, Holden said, "I wouldn't say that, Geo. After all, both of you were so close that if he had been a girl, I would have noticed immediately that the two of you were in love. I don't know what I would've done, but now, when you're both men..."

Geo narrowed his eyes. "Hey, hey."

"I'm not saying anything against you!" Holden reassured, a small smile on his face. "You two were close, but I never suspected anything like this. Probably because I never got to see how you acted around Lantis, but..."

Geo shook his head. "It's more likely you were too busy hating Eagle to notice. Why are you so compassionate about it now? I thought you were against our friendship, but now after you found out that--"

"Because I can't change your mind, and love's a bitch," said Holden. He released Geo's shoulder but turned his eyes to the ground. "I know that. I've experienced it several times over. I'm still going through it. It's harsh when the one you love doesn't return the feelings, and especially when she tells it to your face. And then you find out who she loves, and when you find that he loves somebody else..."

Holden sighed. "Everybody deserves happiness. I have yet to find mine, the girl I love has yet to find hers, and you... you may have a chance." Holden looked at Geo's perplexed face with a twinkle in his eye. "I don't think your love is unrequited, Geo. You never told Eagle your feelings, have you? I think I know what might happen when you do."

Geo felt like socking his brother. "Bastard. I get it now. You found the perfect way to break up our friendship, haven't you? That's why you're acting like this. I'm sorry, but I am not turning my feelings into your toy."

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

Holden shook his head. "You're suffering, Geo. Now that I think about it, ever since even before the invasion, you haven't been quite yourself. It was all Lantis, wasn't it?"

"There's no blame to put on anybody," said Geo.

That was a lie. He did blame Lantis for coming to Autozam and taking Eagle before Geo could try to claim him. He did blame himself for befriending Lantis, which had ultimately stopped him from trying to steal Eagle. He even put some blame on Hikaru, but he didn't antagonize her like he did Lantis, and Lantis wasn't much a villain, either.

"I have less than an hour and a half before I have to go to Cephiro," said Geo to change the subject. "If you're coming, then there should be no arguments about using your XFI."

"Geo--"

"You can come out now, Zazu!" Geo called towards his bedroom. He caught a glimpse of Holden's face hardening. The conversation was not over, Geo had to admit, but he didn't want to talk about it. It was his emotions, and he could do as he felt with them.

"Finally!" said Zazu as he stumbled into the main room. "It's so boring in your room, Geo!"

"It was your fault for going in there," said Geo with a small smirk. He turned to his older brother. "So, are you coming, Holden?"

Geo and Holden stared at each other intently for a moment. Geo could see the contemplation in Holden's eyes, and he could only wonder what Holden may be considering. It would be a good chance to continue the conversation, but Holden had no interest in Cephiro. There had to be other reasons or else there would be no argument. Holden would stay in Autozam.

Finally, Holden sighed and said, "Fine. I'll go. But we are not carrying any extra vehicles on the XFI, you hear me?"

***

Yeah. Tell Eagle my feelings. Right. What a brilliant plan. Why haven't I thought of it before?

Oh, that's right. I have thought of it before. But, unfortunately for my big brother, I am not a complete moron. I know what to say and when to say it, and there was never a chance for me to tell Eagle how I felt.

And now that Eagle has Lantis and Hikaru, I don't need to tell him. A heart has no room for three people, regardless of how strong it may be. Two is the limit. Eagle, Lantis, and Hikaru all have strong hearts--if we hadn't gone to Cephiro and if Hikaru was still in Tokyo or Earth or whatever that other world is called, Lantis would have been the next Pillar. Eagle and Hikaru were both chosen to take the test. That was why the three of them could freely love each other. Their hearts supported it.

Me? People call me strong-minded. I cannot change my mind easily, but I always follow orders despite objections. It's probably why I am one of the strongest military leaders in Autozam. But I don't match up to Lantis, much less Eagle or Hikaru.

I can only love one person at a time.

I have only loved one person, and that person is Eagle. I want to find somebody else, and every time I try to find someone, I find that she is no equal to Eagle. I doubt anybody is.

But I'm trying. I'm trying to get over Eagle so that I can give other people a chance, but it is a grueling task.

I think falling out of love is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.

** To Be Continued **