Mai-HiME Fan Fiction ❯ Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Kieli
Fregattenkapitän Natsuki Kruger Kruger of the Brandenburg-class frigate DuranDuran and by Tai Sa (Captain) Viola Shizuru of the famous Yamato-class battleship, The Princess Harumichi, square off in the epic battle for tea.

Anime/Manga: Mai-HiME Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Shoujo / Comedy | Type: Shoujo-ai | Uploaded On: 05.07.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 2.8K | Visits: 507 | Status: Completed

Ok, so apparently writing and such should not happen when we're both sick. All sorts of strange ideas come to fruition and thus we give you Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea - The Boston Lang Tea Party Edition:
 
Our story begins with one Fregattenkapitän Natsuki Kruger of the Brandenburg-class frigate DuranDuran who was craving her morning tea only to find that it the ship's stores were running low; the direct result of a daring raid made by Tai Sa (Captain) Viola Shizuru of the famous Yamato-class battleship The Princess Harumichi earlier in the week. It was bad enough that she had to man this newfangled ship with only a skeleton crew of her best students from the Garderobe Naval Academy. But to have the best tea in Windbloom swiped by that smug woman was almost too much to bear. Kapitän Kruger sat in her command chair on the bridge and gave her frightfully empty teacup an annoyed glare. After much inward wailing and gnashing of teeth, Kruger decided that she was going to beat Viola at her own game. Let's have a look, shall we?
 
"IRINA. Set the course! We're headed for Viola's tea ship...."
 
"But... but Gakuenchou!! Shizuru onee-sama is..."
 
"I DONT CARE WHAT SHE IS! You LISTEN to me or you get off my ship!"
 
"AAAA HAI, GAKUENCHOU!!!!"
 
"That's better. NINA! RECON. NOW."
 
"Yes, Gakuenchou! *salutes*
 
"Excellent... everything is moving along well...."
 
"Ne, ne, Nat-"
 
*GLARE*
 
"Ahahaha, GAKUENCHOU-SAN!!! ... why are you trying to sink Shizuru-san's tea ship...?"
 
"... It's none of your business, Mai."
 
"Oh, come on, Natsuki.... what happened...?"
 
".... she shrunk my riding jacket.... T_T"
 
"... Ah... so it's that bad..."
 
"It's worse! That onna stole the last bit of our shipment of tea right out from underneath
our noses! Blast that idiot Haruka!... FULL SPEED, IRINA!!!! TELL ENGINEERING!!!!!!! *waves hand*
 
"Aya, why couldn't Viola-sama let Gakuenchou do her OWN laundry this time." Lt. Irina bemoaned.
 
"What was that, helm?"
 
"N-nothing, Gakuenchou! Full Speed it is!"
 
*Grumbles incoherently and sits down in overly elaborate Captain/Headmaster thronechair as Gal comes to report from Engineering*
 
"Your PEEEMPDOM! Engines all good! YES! Good!"
 
"GAL-SAN!"
 
"Hai, Gakuenchou!"
 
"Shut up and get down on your kne--I mean GET BELOW, you hacker rat! I want that tea within an hour!"
 
Gal salutes so quickly she almost tears off an antenna. "Ryoukai!"
 
"And damnit, Gal! Haven't I told you not to address me like that!?! It's KAPITÄN Kruger to you!"
 
Meanwhile, on the battleship Fujino, Lt. Cmdr. Tomoe snapped to attention beside the ever-calm Captain Shizuru...
 
"Shizuru-sama, Captain Kruger requests to board you."
 
"Permission granted, if she does so personally."
 
"E-eh?! B-but Shizuru-sama, Kapitän Kruger sounds a bit...testy" *wince"
 
"Don't worry, Commander Tomoe, I've got the solution for that riiight here." *smirks and glances down at her own ample bosom*
 
*Tomoe's eyes nearly bug out of her head* "You do?! Ahem! *cough cough* I mean, ROGER THAT!"
 
Needless to say, the exchange that ensued had the crews of both ships shaking with fright as it seemed the situation would escalate a bit further than planned...
 
"SHIZURU! THIS IS KAPITÄN KRUGER OF THE DURANDURAN! STAND DOWN, OR WE WILL BE FORCED INTO HOSTILITY."
 
"Ara, Natsuki? Is that you? My, you sound so grown up when you're being demanding. Why, I haven't heard you use that tone with me since last ni-"
 
"AAAAAAARGHLKJELSK SHIZURU! DAMNIT JUST SURRENDER YOUR CARGO IMMEDIATELY AND NO ONE WILL BE HARMED!!!"
 
"My cargo? Is that what you're calling it now? "
 
".... Shi...zu...ru.... *rage* The tea. Now. Hand it over and I MIGHT let your ship escape unscathed."
 
"Maa maa, why don't you just come aboard and join me for some tea, if you want it so badly. I'm sure you'd enjoy it much more when properly made. We can use my private quarters for.... negotiations...."
 
".... I think not!! This is your last chance, VIOLA!!"
 
"Very well. Tomoe-san?"
 
"Hai, Onee-sama?~?!?!??"
 
"Have the crew man their stations... it seems as though dear Kapitän Kruger refuses to play nicely with us....."
 
"As you wish, Onee-sama!! GAAARGH ALL RIGHT YOU LAZY DOGS, GET UP AND MAN YOUR POSTS!!!!!!!!!!"
 
Meanwhile, aboard the DuranDuran....
 
"Hmph. As expected. She's not willing to go down without a fight."
 
"Eh, I'd say she's willing to go down..."
 
"SHUT UP, IRINA! READY THE CANNONS!!!!!"
 
"CREW, this is Kapitän Kruger of the DuranDuran! Man your posts and prepare for battle. Do not show them fear!!! Operation Hungry Like the Wolf.... COMMENCE!!"
 
*gasps erupt all round the bridge of the Battleship Fujino* "Shizuru-sama! Captain Kruger has just given the order to LOAD SILVER CARTRIDGE!" Ensign Erstin Ho cried, blanching as she translated every syllable of Kruger's rant.
 
"My, Natsuki you play so rough....very well..you know what to do, Commander Tomoe."
 
"Ryoukai, Shizuru-sama! Artillery section, ready KIYOHIME!"
 
"Aye aye, sir!"
 
"Irina? What the bloo--? WHAT IS THAT?"
 
"K..k...Kk... Kapitän!!! The Princess Harumichi is using their Kiyohime whip cannon!!!!!"
 
"DAMN HER! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! DURANDURAN! LOAD FLASH CARTRIDGE!! We'll BLIND THEM FIRST THEN ATTACK! READY THE SILVER CARTRIDGE!!!!"
 
"H... HAI!!!!! *scrambles*
 
"We'll see how you enjoy being trapped in a wall of ice, Shizuru...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
 
"Tut tut, Natsuki, surely you know me better than that....Tomoe-san?"
 
"Hai, Shizuru-sama! Flamethrowers at the ready!"
 
*raises her teacup* "I'll be waiting for you, Natsuki..." *pats her chair*
 
"Flash Cartridge ready, Kapitän! Waiting for your order!"
 
".......... Shizuru...... *huffs mightily* Drop the UV shades."
 
"Shades are down, Captain!"
 
"Good........ FIRE THE FLASH CARTRIDGE!!"
 
"FIRE FLASH IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!"
 
"FIRING!"
 
*BLAMALERKEJREOSirujslkrsrjl blinding light fills the world.*
 
And the shots heard around the world were the start of a tea-drinking revolution.......several hours later, a decidedly porous DuranDuran sits a mite lower in the keel than she did before, flash burns and patches of ice riddle her decks and outer hull. By contrast, the Princess Harumichi still sat a few hundred meters away, as placid as ever.
 
"I WILL BE BACK TO FINISH THIS!!! MARK MY WORDS, VIOLAAAARGH!!"
 
"I'll be waiiiting, Natsuki." *blows a kiss to the enraged Kruger*
 
"GAAARGH !!!" *shakes fist* YOU'LL GET YOURS!!
 
"Oh I plan on it," Captain Shizuru replied with a smirk.
 
"SHIZURU!!!!!!!!!" *sails off into the distance at half speed*
 
"Hurry back, Natsuki! I have lovely tea for you."
 
And thus ends this episode of "The Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea”. Join us next time when Captains Kruger and Viola square off again in PART TWO. We hope you enjoyed the insanity that was the whack inspiration of The Lang and The Toda.