MegaMan NT Warrior (Rockman) Fan Fiction ❯ Quick Man: The Robot Who Pissed His Pants... ❯ The Robot Who Pissed Hisself... ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

QUICK MAN: THE ROBOT WHO PISSED HIS PANTS...
(WARNING: This fic is rated for foul language, mature content, and heavy use of drugs.)
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WOW! It's been over a year since I posted stuff on MediaMiner, eh?

This is a Mega Man/Rockman fanfic based off of the infamous Wayne Brady Skit on Chappelle's Show..

This is a sketch involving Quickman and Turboman (of the Megaman series.)
Quick was suppose to go out with Ice, but when Turbo shows up, all hell breaks loose.
(On a side note: Most of the characters are out of character. This is intentional, just to make it more funny.)

All MegaMan/RockMan characters are property of Capcom of Japan/America
Other Characters are property of their Respectible Owners.

(Be sure to review after reading. Thank you very much.)
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A Twilight Zone-ish beginning; an announcer appears, a short black kid wearing a tux. He clears his throat.

Kid: Welcome... this is the story, about a robot master named Quickman... a robot master named Quickman... who got fucked up, by the most evil robot master of all... Ice Man...

(Shows a sihoulette of Ice Man, with an evil grin and mustache added on.)

Kid: This is the story of Quickman, or, perhaps, his LAST one...

The camera moves up to the sky with the Twilight Zone closing theme. It moves back down, and shows Skull Fortress, with 4 Robots Masters near the door: QuickMan, IceMan, TurboMan, and BrightMan. Iceman and Quickman are near the car, and are about to get in.

Ice: Co'on, buddy, let's go!

Quick: Okay, I'm gettin' in! (Waves to the other 2) Bye guys, see ya later!

TurboMan has his back turned. He took a quick, evil glance at his "friends."

Turbo: (Gangsta voice) Oh, bye, motherfuckers.

Quick: What was that, TurboMan?

Turbo: (Turns around, speaks in a casually friendly voice) ^_^ Noth-ing! Bye! (Waves as Ice and Quick drive off)

Bright: So, you wanna play chess?

Turbo: (Pulls out a cigarette and 9mm, then shots Bright's bulb for no apparent reason, shattering it and killing him. He takes a big huff of the cigarette.) Huff... (Raspy voice.) Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Yyyyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...

(Pan to 10 minutes later in downtown Megatropoilis. Ice and Quick are driving in the car)

Ice: And then, when Grenade caught Clown, he said, "Why're you humpin' that tank?!"

Quick: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! That ClownMan and AquaMan! You don't know when or how their gonna fuck eachother! (Snicker) Gay faggots.

Ice: Yeah, I totally agree with you.

The 2 stop by the Megatropolis City Bank, of course, with Ice's parallel parking skills being below average, it took a good 4 minutes to try and do it correctly. Ice gets out of the car.

Ice: Just wait here, dude, I'm going in to get us some money for dinner, kay?

Quick: Sure, dude. How long will you be?

Ice: Just a couple of minutes. Be right back.

Meanwhile in the bank...

Accountant: Okay, that's all of the money in Mr. Kharol's banking account, now for...

The poor dude felt someone tap his shoulder. He turns around, and sees none other than... TurboMan!

Turbo: Hey mothafucka.

Accountant: O_O What the--?!!

Turbo: (Snaps the guy's neck with ease)

The accountant falls dead. Turbo pulls the guy from view. The sound of undressing and crap is heard as Ice enters the bank. He taps the bell a couple of times. Turbo, wearing the accountant's clothes, came in, clearing his throat. Ice, being the stupid faggot he is, doesn't recognize him. Meanwhile in the car... Quick has shades covering the windows, and inside, he's looking at a Capcom foot fetish magazine (like with pictures of Lei-Lei of Darkstlakers giving a footjob to some random bastard.), pinned up on the windshield, while masturbating to hell and back.

Quick: Oh... oh... OH!!!! Yeah... love those sexy toes. (turns the page, and sees a 2 page pic of Chun-Li, Cammy, Lilith, and Roll Casket, all nude, and showing a HUGE close-up of their toes.) JACKPOT!! ^___^ That's better than the last! (Continues masturbating) The toes on that succubus chick are da best! Heh ha ha ha ha!! Oh... OHHH!!! Almost cummin'...

Meanwhile in the bank, Ice finally got all of the money he wanted. He pulled out his wallet to put the money in.

Ice: Thanks dude... (Looks at Turbo a little closer) Say... I've never seen you here before. Are you a new accountant?

Turbo: (Gangsta voice): Yes I am, mothafucka. (Pulls out his guns, and points it to Ice's head)

Ice: O_O Oh fuck.

Turbo blows the poor bastard's brains out, and at the same time, Quick moans sensually as he ejaculates creamy-looking oil all over a picture of Felicia's feet being licked by Jon Talbian. He takes a quick breath and grabs the book.

Quick: That... (huff)... was the best... (huff)... moment I ever had.

By the time Quick got back to his senses, he sees a shadow approaching the car by the shades.

Quick: OH FUCK!! (Quickly pulls the shades down, puts the mag away, and cleans the robot semen/oil off the windows.) Ice'll be pissed if he finds out that fucked myself in HIS car. Shit, I knew I should've saved it for home...

Quick hides the shades, mag, and oil-covered napkins under his seat. The figure opens up the driver's door, but to Quick's suprise, it wasn't Ice who was there... it was Turbo, smokin' a cigarette, and holding 2 beer bottles in both hands.

Quick: o_O Huh?? Uhh... hey, TurboMan, what're you doing here? Wait a minute, where's IceMan? He was suppose to drive the both of us to Burger King.

Turbo: (Gangsta voice) He "checked out." Get it? Checked out 'cause we're at the bank.

Quick: -_- That's not funny--

Turbo: O\_/O LAUGH, MOTHAFUCKA!!

Quick: O_O (Laughes nervously)

Turbo: Yeah, you better laugh... cut your ass up... bitch.

Quick: (Shivers in fear) Okay...

Turbo: (Gets in the car, throwing the beer bottles to the back, and starts it up) Let's go to Burger King.

Quick: Umm... okay...

Turbo: Wait, hold up a sec.

Turbo, for some reason, is staring at Quick's feet... or so Quick thought...

Quick: Uh, Turbo, what're you...

Turbo: Mothafucka, don't play games with me! I know you have porno under there!

Quick: I don't know what you're talking...

Turbo: Shut da fuck up and give it to me!

Turbo dives his hand under Quick's seat to grab the mag.

Quick: Wait, no!!

After grabbing it, Turbo opens the book, and flips the pages. He sees a pic of Sakura giving a footjob to Ryu (with her socks on). After lookin' through more pages (finally stopping with a pic of Zero licking between Ciel and Allouette's toes), he slowly turns his head to Quick, who is very nervous.

Turbo: What the fuck is this?

Quick: Well... it is por--

Turbo: Nigga, this ain't porno! Porno has tits, girl on girl fuckin', and all that other shit. There ain't any of that shit here, all I see are a bunch of mothafuckas licking bitches' toes! Da fuck is wrong with you?!

Quick: Okay, I admit it, I have foot fetish, okay?!!

Turbo: Nigga, who da fuck cares about you or this fuckin' piece of shit?! (Lights a cigarette, and takes a big huff.)

Quick: Well that ain't any of your busine...

Quick was interuppted Turbo blowing a huge puff of smoke in his face.

Quick: Argh!

As Quick was swiping the smoke away from him, Turbo lights a match, dropping it on the mag and torching it. Quick clears the smoke only to find his mag alight.

Quick: Oh crap, no!! What's the big idea?! I just got that in the mail today!!

Turbo: (Throws the mag out the window (on Quick's side, barely missing him), and it lands on some old woman, torching her as well.) What, bitch? You can buy this shit at the drugstore, can't you?

Old Woman: Oh god! HELP!!

Quick: No! You can only order this through the net, and it was the Capcom edition for gods sake! It was $50! 50 bucks that you just burnt up...

Quick is once again interrupted as Turbo suddenly pumps it, crashing through the car infront of them and sending it flying, crashing ontop of that same old woman.

Quick: Oh... shit!!

(A couple of minutes later...)

Quick and Turbo are driving on the highway, crusin' and all that. Quick noticed the "restaurant location" sign, and noticed that Burger King was on exit 52, which is about 1/2 mile ahead.

Quick: Okay, Turbo, here's our exit over there. (Points to it) Just turn here... (Turbo ignores him) All right, you can turn, okay, turn now... (Turbo still ignores him) turn! HELLO?!! (Groans in frustration as they "missed" the exit) You just passed Burger King!

Turbo: Motherfucker, I know what I did. I just want to give something to my friends first.

Turbo turns to the next exit, which is about 1 1/2 miles ahead. Meanwhile at a dance club, SpringMan, PlantMan, FreezeMan, CrashMan, and JunkMan are standing outside, deciding to mock Megaman. As they do this, a certain car drives to the wrong side of the road and pulls up near them. Spring does the MegaMan cosplay, only wearing a blue helmet.

Spring: So anywayz, I told them that I, da great n' wonderful Megaman, am gonna kick ass. (Strikes a pose)

Plant: (High girly voice, supposedly playing some female MegaMan fan) Gee Megaman, you're so hot, I love you! (Hugs Spring, Freeze and Crash snickers a bit while Junk's picking his nose.)

Spring: Heh, who doesn't love me, MegaMan? Besides, hangin' outside with Wily's Robot Masters.

A couple of minutes later, the REAL Megaman comes out, without his helmet, with a tray of 6 lemonade smoothies, one for each of theme.

Freeze: Yeah, we didn't invite TurboMan, he's a little bitch.

Spring: Yeah, nobody likes his ass.

Crash: (Blushes.) Well... actually.

Turbo: (Pops head out through the window.) Oh, hi guys.

Everyone: O_O!!

Freeze: Oh! Turboman, what're you doing here?

Turbo: I don't know, nobody invited me, so what the fuck am I doin' here?

Freeze: Well, I don't know, we, uhh... (Turbo gives a nasty look) Are you mad at us?

Turbo: (Suddenly glad) ^_^ Oh, no! How could I be mad at my "friends?"

Junk: Yeah, really dude, how could you get mad at your friends?

Spring: Yeah man, how'd get mad at us?

Turbo: Yo, I didn't say I wasn't mad you.

Crash & Plant: Wha?

Turbo: I said I wasn't mad at my "friends"... or my "friend." (turns his head to Quick, who is sitting there, pretty nervous, then back at the guys.)

(Short pause)

Plant: What're you saying?

Turbo: I'm sayin' I'm gonna fuck you up! (Pulls out 2 machine guns, one in each hand, freaking everyone out)

Freeze: O_O ARRGGHH!!

Spring: O_O HOLY SHIT!!

Turbo begins firing a number of bullets into Junk, and it didn't take long for the bastard to blow up into scrap. The other 5 started running like hell.

Spring: RUN!!

Freeze: RUN, BITCHES, RUN!!

Plant: WAIT FOR ME!! (Gunned down by Turbo.)

Turbo: Hang on, nigga!

Quick: Wai... ARGH!!

Turbo starts to drive after the remaining robots. Soon, the most brutal driveby massacre begins. Everything goes into slow motion as Turbo pops out of the window and begin firing rounds; he shots up Spring first. The fucker start flailing his arms like mad as he got shot.

Spring: (Slow Motion) Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggh hhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Spring is now just a giant pile of rusty broken springs.

Freeze: (Slow Motion) OOOOOOhhhhhhh ffffuuuuuccc--

Turbo shot up Freeze next. The bastard flung around like a rag doll, and was literally shoot up beyond recognition.

Crash: (Slow Motion) Wwwwaaaaaaiiiiiiiitttttt, Ttttttttttuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrbbbbbooooooooo mmmmaaaaaannnnnn... Iiiiiiiii lllllooooovvvveeee yyyyyyoooooo--

Crash didn't get shoot up alot like the rest of the robots, because about 10 bullets hit his arms with the Crash Bombs loaded, blowing him sky-high, and his roasted upper torso lands on the ground. Everything goes back to normal speed.

SFX: Record-Scratch

Mega: Oh fuck!! I don't even have my battle suit!!

Turbo parks the car, and steps out as Mega ran like the chicken he is.

Turbo: (To Quick) Step out of the car, and I swear I'll fuck you up too!!

Quick: (Scared to death) Okay...

Turbo: (Changes into Car form, and drove RIGHT infront of Mega, causing him to fall)

Mega: Oh fuck!!

Turbo: (Changes back) Oh, where the fuck do you think you're goin', Mega-Bitch?

Mega: (Backed to a wall) Pl... please... stop! I have so much to live for!!

Turbo: Yeah, there's one thing you live for: To touch yourself at night, fucka! (Aims the guns)

Mega: Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!

Turbo shots the ever living shit out of Mega. As he is shot, he grabs the ledge of a window, groaning in pain like a mad dog. After about 45 seconds, Turbo stops shooting, and Mega's body has more holes than a 1-mile wide slice of Swiss chess. Mega's corpse is hanging off the window by the arm, swinging back and forth and smoking more than the cigarette Turbo has in his mouth now.

Turbo: (Puffs out a huge cloud of smoke) (Raspy Voice) Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh.... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...

Quick can only stare in complete shock as he sees the mess caused by Turbo's rampage. Turbo gets back in the car.

Quick: Oh my god, what did you do?! You killed everybody, including MegaMan! Oh... (sobs) (SFX: Record-Scratch) ^_^ Well actually, killing MegaMan is good!

Turbo: What the fuck do you think? Let's go, come on, just shut up! Just shut up, okay? (Drives away on the RIGHT side of the road this time.)

Quick: (Quivering in fear) Uhh... I'm scared...

Turbo: (Suddenly stops the car in a screeching halt, and QuickMan's head crashes onto the windshield)

Quick: Oww! (Rubs head) @_@ Ohh...

Turbo: (Turns to Quick) What the fuck do you mean you scared?

Quick: It-it's nothing, I'm just scared.

Turbo: (Evil look) Oh, so that means you gonna tell?

Quick: No, it's not that, I'm just scared.

Turbo: Motherfucker, I asked you a question. Are you gonna tell Wily?

Quick: (Gulp) Nooooo...

Turbo: Good, because if you were, I'm gonna fuck you up AND Wily, okay mothafucka?

Quick: (Stammering) Um... ye-ye-yes s-s-s-s-s-si-si-sir...

Turbo: DON'T STUDDER! What did I say?

Quick: (Gulp) "Yes, motherfucker"?

Turbo: (Short pause) ...Okay. Let's go. (Drives off again)

(A few minutes later, in the "ghetto" part of Megatropolis)

Quick: Hey, when are we gonna go to Burger King?

Turbo: When I fuckin' say so, that's when.

Quick: Okay.

Turbo: We're goin' to Burger King.

Quick: ^_^ YAY!

Turbo: But first, I gotta go get some money.

Quick: Okay, let's go. (They passed the ATM machine) Hey, you just passed the ATM. Wait, why didn't you get money at the ATM when we first went to the bank a couple of miles back?

Turbo: Hold up. (They stop at a stoplight) ^_^ Hey! Here's a very good question! O\_/O WHY THE FUCK'RE YOU STILL TALKIN'?!!

Quick: O_O Uhh... cause Wily installed a voice chip in me?

Turbo: How 'bout this, you better shut the fuck up or else I'll DESTROY that voice chip! I'll rip it out your throat! (Pulls out a pocket knife, which he hold near Quick's neck)

Quick: (Sobbing a bit like a scared little puppy) Okay... sniff.

A couple of minutes later, they are in what appears to dark and damp parking garage that look like it was abandoned for about a century or 2.

Quick: Uhh... what the hell are we doing here?

Turbo: Bitch, we gettin' money!

Quick: o_O At a parking garage?

Turbo: Nigga, shut your mouth or I'll cut you up!

Quick: (Gulp)

Turbo puts the knife away and Quick once again shivers in fear. Turbo honks the horn to the tune of "La Chucaracha" a couple of times. A couple of seconds later, 5 figures, all whom appeared to be prostitutes, emerge from hiding. Charlliena, who is, infact, Sonic the Hedgehog in a purple whore dress and horrible make-up; Michael Jackson, dressed like a whore (actually much suiting for the completely fucked up self he is now); Crazy Fucker, the villain of the Skits series, whom we all know is really Justin Timberlake; Espelina (or Espio, which is his true identity) is dressed as a typical dominatrix you see in porn films, only "her" suit is pink, and "she" has bunny ears and cute little sandals, and finally, Knuckles, who is dressed in a tribal suit similar to what Tikal wears, only all worn down all over the place like as though he is TRYING to expose his private areas, and his facial make-up is REALLY out of place; it makes him look like a fuckin' clown. All approach the car.

Charlliena: (Greek Accent) Hello, I am Charlliena.

Turbo: All right, then. (Introduces them) QuickMan, Bitches; Bitches, QuickMan.

Quick: (Waves nervously) Uuuhh... Hi...

Crazy Fucker: (Appears besides Quick's window) CRAZY FUCKER!!

Quick: O_O AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Crazy Fucker: I'm fucking... (shakes a bit)... Crazy fuck... whah! (Somehow regains his sanity, moves away from the window, then breaks into song.) I'm gonna rock your body!

Turbo: Oh yeah? (Horribly sings to the tune of "Dance With Me" on purpose) Well you could rock your-fuckin'-self later, cause I don't give a fuck!... Okay, mothafucka!

Crazy Fucker: (Short pause) ...Okay... (Walks back to the Bitches)

Charlliena: (Approaches Turbo with "her" left hand full of cash) Here's your money, daddy. (Hands it over to him)

Turbo: (Takes the cash and counts it, about $104 in total) Good job, Charlliena. (To himself) Heh, stupid mothafucka, cut off his own dick...

Quick: (Listening on) O_O??!!!

Turbo: (Smokes a bit, then puffs out a huge cloud of smoke) (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... (Knuckles gives Turbo some more cash, about $32) Thanks Knux.

Knux: No prob, bitc-- I mean, baby! ^_^

Turbo: o_O What did you...? -_- Nevermind, whateva. (Smokes some more, then turns his head to Espelina, who is actually new among the group.) Ahh, who is this?

Charlliena: It's Espelina. He is the new one of us, baby.

Turbo: (Looks at him up and down a couple of times) Oh, what the fuckin'-(Nasty look) I dont' want this bitch! (To Espelina) Yo, how much money did you make me?

Espelina: (Russian Accent) I made you approxamently... (Counts his money)... $2.18. (Gives him the change)

Turbo: 2 dollars and 18 cen-WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS IS, QUICKIE MART?!! (Throws the money at Espelina in disgust.)

Espelina: No, Mr. Turbo, I am not good at this, I'm...

Turbo: You can't sell your body for cash?

Michael: He-ee!

Turbo: Oh no... you know what, you niggas make me so fuckin' pissed sometimes that I... I... (Gives a cold stare, the Bitches step back in fear) Does TurboMan gonna have to skid a bitch?

Quick: What the fuck does that mean?

Turbo: (Turns to Quick) Nigga, don't ask me questions! (Turns back to the Bitches) I'll tell ya what skid means: it means I get out this car, AND FUCK THEM UP!!! (The Bitches and Quick tremble) Does TurboMan gotta have to SKID A BITCH?

Charlliena: Hello? (Start sobbing) me, sniff, Charrliena says that she is sorry for hi... sniff... hi... his friend. Charlliena sorry!

Turbo: "Charlliena sorry!" Charlliena SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKIN'!!

Charlliena: Sniff... yes, sire.

Turbo: (Points his gun to Charlliena) Sire is right, bitch! (Feels Quick tapping his shoulder) Nigga, I'm dealin' with the bitches!

Quick: Listen man, you don't have to waste bullets on some whore. Save then for a gang fight or something. I mean, is it REALLY worth it shotting up a bunch of prostitutes?

(Short pause)

Turbo: Hmmm... (to the Bitches.) Yo bitches, you better thank Quickman. (Moves his window up, then slowly drives off)

Charlliena: Okay! (Waves to the car) Thank you Quickman, I love you! You are the best boss in Megaman!

Turbo: (Suddenly stops the car, then reverses it back to the Bitches. Suspenseful horror movie music suddenly plays out of nowhere. Turbo moves the window down, revealing a angry look) What the fuck was that?

Quick: Oh shit...

Charlliena: Uh oh... (hesitantly) Charlliena did not mean that, cause Charlliena is only making joke! He--he lied to Quickman!

Turbo: O\_/O Oh, so now you're fuckin' with my friend, huh?! You lying to him?!

Charlliena: (About to piss his pants) No, Charlliena telling the truth!

Turbo: Oh, so now you think that's he's the best boss? How 'bout me?!!

Charlliena: (Sweating like mad) Pant, pant, pant, Charlliena... CHARLLIENA DOES NOT KNOW WHAT SHE SAY!!

Turbo: Uhh... Charlliena... (Pulls out his gun) Charlliena got SHOT IN FACE!! (Blows the dude's brains out)

Everyone: O_O!!!

Turbo: Now let this be a lesson to you bitches: If you don't have anything good to say, then shut the FUCK up! (Puts his gun away.) Come on, let's go. (Drives off, then stops suddenly. Hold his head out of the window.) Yo Knux!

Knuckles: (Gulp) Uh... yeah?

Turbo: You're fired, bitch. (Pulls out gun, and shots his balls off.)

Knuckles: (Falls to the ground holding his balls) OH GOD!! OH GOD!! WAAAAAAAH!!!!

Turbo: (Takes a big puff of his cigarette, then puffs out a cloud of smoke) (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... (Moves the window up, then drives off.)

Quick: Umm...

Turbo: (To Quick) You know what, Quick? You lying. It IS worth shootin' these bitches in the ass. (Takes a huge puff, then blows it out again, filling the whole car with smoke) Ooooohhh bitch! Heh heh heh heh heh... (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... HA HA HA HA HA HA! OH YEAH!!

Quick: (Shivers, about to piss in his pants) Ohh... *Sob* (Thinking) Fuck Burger King... I wanna go home. *Sob! Sob*

It's been about 10 minutes, and they STILL haven't gone to Burger King. As for Quick, the poor bitch has to suffer as he watched Turbo rob 3 convenience stores in a row, and he shot ALL of the clerks in the head, but not without raping the 3rd one, who is a sexy college chick, before killin' her. Turbo keeps drinking the beers he rob from the stores and smoking all of the crack he stashed in his pocket as "You Ain't No Gangsta" by 50 Cent on Turbo's custom music CD entitled "ShitEater" pounds inside of the car at maximum volume. Quick wanted so bad to move the window down, but Turbo, being the dick he is, puts the lock on it so he can't do shit. As if it wasn't bad enough, the fuckin' smoke is everywhere, and Quick feels like he's in a strip bar... that moves. Suddenly, as if we has a change of heart, Turbo let the windows on both sides down, getting rid of all the damn smoke, then turns the music down at half volume.

Quick: Thank fucking GOD. (Inhales)

Turbo: (Casual Voice) Hey, Quickman?

Quick: Yeah?

Turbo: Do you wanna...

Quick: Go to Burger King? Damn straight! I've been waiting for over 20 minutes and all you've done is smoke crack, bang music by 50 Cent, Tupac, Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Lil' Kim in the car, and rob 3 convinience stores...

Turbo: NOT THAT, FO! Do you wanna smoke this? (Pulls out what appears to be a huge bizarrelly made 2-inch thick "cigarrete.")

Quick: O___O!! (Stares for a few seconds.)

Turbo: WELL? You wanna or not?

Quick: (Comes back to his senses) Ah, no thanks, man. I don't smoke.

Turbo: Wha??? (Voice diterating) WHA?!? (Gangsta vocie) Nigga, how could you NOT smoke, you're a fuckin robot... bitch! (Slaps head, then turns the volume up at near max) You can't get hurt when you smoke!

Quick: SO??

Turbo: So, smoke this shit!

Quick: No way man! I just don't wanta smoke

Turbo: (Moves the "cigarrette" closer to Quick's face) Come on man!

Quick: No!

Turbo: Smoke it.

Quick: Get that out of my face...

Turbo: Smoke it..

Quick: No way...

Turbo: O\_/O SMOKE IT!!

Quick: José.

Turbo: (Stops the car abruptly. Moves the cigerrette away, then grabs Quick near his neck.) (Speaks in a threatening tone) This is not an option, nigga. If you do not smoke this, we have a problem. (Pulls out gin) now I suggest you smoke it, or else your ass is gonna get beat. Okay, nigga?

Quick: (Shivers alot as he nods.) Ye... yes sir.

Turbo: Exactly. That's exactly what the fuck I thought you would say. Here you go bitch... enjoy. (Sees Quick hesitating to grab it) SMOKE THE FUCKING THING!!! (Shoves it in his face, and puts his finger on the trigger.)

Quick: O__O!!! (Quickly grabs the damn thing, snaps his fingers so fast, they produce sparks and put the damn thing on fire. He takes a puff, then takes it out of his mouth) (On the verge of sobbing) There, are you happy no...

Turbo: (Holds gun near his head) DO MORE, BITCH!! Keep on doin' it until I say you can stop!

Quick: (Does what he says, and puffs the damn thing in as if he's gasping for air after being underwater for several minutes.) Oh damn... (Smokes it some more. The damn thing was about halfway gone when the world suddenly gets hazy around him. The thing falls out of his mouth, and he starts moaning.)

Turbo: (Moves the gun away from his head) (Slow, distorted voice) Bwah... ha... ha... ha... ha... ha... (Very low, deep voice) HHAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa.....

Quick: (Holds head and spins head as if he's dizzy) *Moan...* What the fuck is this...?

Turbo: (Slows voice) High roller... (Fast voice) Stockingstuffing...

Quick: (Slumps onto the window) *Moan...* What the fuck is......? *moan...*

50 Cent: (Distored and slurring slower than a sloth)You ain't a (Alvin & the Chipmonks voice) GANGSTA.!!!... I should (A&C) CUTYA!!!... cock (Echoing) back and bust (Low Booming voice) YAaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Turbo: It's angel dust... (Low, slurring voice) LOVE BOAT...

50 Cent: (Voice is so slow and distorted that he's speaking gibberish now.)

Turbo: (Image zooms in and gets psychadellically distorted) (Soft, whispering voice) Da love boat...

A soft boom is heard and the only thing Quickman hears now is 50 Cent, who's voice more distorted than ever, and he sounds like a absolutely fucked up Chris Rock with weird pounding drums in the background.

F-ed up 50: You'se a busta, a sucka, fake fraudulent motherfucka... (Echoing) fucka, fucka, fucka, fucka, fucka, fucka... (Turbo's face suddenly turns into a freaky Playdoh-shapped mexican ceremonial mask and the voice start sounding like that of Dr. Claw of inspector gadget, only more fucked up than ever.) FUCKA., FUCKA, FUCKA, FUCKA.... (The images suddenly gets replaced by "Bugs Bunny," but only God could tell what IT is since the image is so fucked up.)

WTFisthis?: Ehh... (Tap tap) Wazzup, bitch? (turns into dust, and blows past Quick.)

Quick: Ohhh... (Tries to get up, but slumps back down. Turbo's deep fucked up laugh is heard as everything behind Quick turns into a blue/black rushing background with n00b crap [WTF, LOL, OMG, etc.] flyin' past. A image of what appears to be a thought bubble with BrightMan in tux appears out of nowhere.) WTF...? OMG???!

Bright: (O_O!! for no reason) White people love Mario more than Sonic... because he makes him......... look like Jack Thompson...

Turbo's Voice: (Distorted and slurred) W..T..F... DFC, NIGGA.... O..M..G.... LOL, ROFL, MOTHAFUCKA!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... (Fast Chipmonk voice) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (Absolutely fucked up happy kids music (http://shadow4kids.ytmnd.com) is suddenly heard.)

F-ed Up 50: (Echoing opera Voice in tune with the music) Mothafucka... mothafucka... mothafucka... mothafucka... mothafucka... mothakucka...

Quick: Uhhh... ROFL... (Passes out)

About 10 minutes later, Quick is woken up by a bunch of police sirens coming out of nowhere. He gets up, and shakes his head, and noticed that the fucked up shit has finally ended, and that "Maria Maria" by Santana has replaced the godawful shit from 50 Cent on the radio. Turbo pulls the car over, and turns the volume down.

Quick: What the hell's going...

Turbo: (Gives Quick a death stare that makes him shut his mouth as a policeman approaches to the car.) 'Kay nigga, Here's the game plan: Sit down and shut the FUCK up!

Quick: (Starts sobbing) Ye... yes, sir...

Turbo: Yeah, you betta say "yes," fuckin' pig. (Opens the car door, then steps out)

Quick: For the love of God, I just want to go home. *Sob... sob... sniff... sob* (Starts crying softly)

Turbo: (Slams the door, then walks over to the cop, who looks like a 20-something VG geek, complete with glasses, in a police uniform.) What's the problem, officer?

Officer: (Adjust his cap, then speaks like he just swallowed a entire can of helium) Uhh, you we're going about 22 miles above the speed limit. That makes it 62 on a 40 mph zone.

Turbo: I'm sorry, brotha, I though that I was going slow there. (Chuckles a bit)

Officer: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afriad I'm gonna have to give you a ticket.

Turbo: Aww, shit.

Officer: I'm going to have to ask you to refraim from using that language sir. Now may I please see your liscence and registration?

Turbo: Sure, whateva. (Pulls it out, and gives it to the cop. It reads as follows)

Man, Turbo
Class D drivers liscence
Issued: 4/2/95
Expires: 4/2/25
Creator: Dr. Albert Wily
DOB: 3/23/95
Height: 6-7
Weight: 250+

Officer: O_O!!! (Has a hard time breathing, grabs his inhaler, puffs on it, then quickly puts it away) A... are you... Turbo Man? OH MY GOD!! I love Mega Man 7! I played the game on my SNES all the time when I was still in junior high! (Shakes his hand) Nice to meet you, man! Dude, you do NOT believe how much of a Mega Man fan I... (sees a nervous Quick in the car) *GASP!!* Oh my god, is that Quick Man?! (runs over to the driver's window) Oh God! Quick Man, I LOVE you, you THE best Mega Man boss in HISTORY!

Turbo: Uh-huh.

Officer: And YOU are WAY faster than Turbo Man! You'll KILL him in a race! Like it'll take Turbo about 3 seconds to get to the finish line in his car form, you'll be there in like, half a second! AWESOME!!

Turbo: Yeah, he will. (Chuckle)

Officer: Man, I gotta calm down. (Adjust his cap again) But just because you're Video Game icons, that does not mean I won't give you a ticket, okay. Sorry if I slow you guys down, with you being "speedy" and all that. (Writes the ticket) Just remember to pay it within 15 da--

Quick: (Eeriely) Why did you say that? He'll fuckin' kill you... fuckin' kill us all.

Officer: Ha ha ha! Nice joke there, dude. But seriously, no problem here, right guys?

Turbo: (Takes the ticket) Yeah, prob. Heh heh heh... (takes a puff of his cigar, and blows out smoke) (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...

Quick: (Freaked out) W-w-why did you day that?! He'll fuckin' kill you! *Sob!*

Officer: What the? Yo, Quick, is there a problem?

Turbo: (Sinisterly) Yeah, there's a problem. (Approaches the officer)

Officer: (turns around.) What?

Turbo: He's right. I'll fuckin' kill you. (Raises arms, about to grab the officer, as horror movie music plays in the background)

Quick: (Covers his eyes) Oh God! WHY!?!

Officer: Wha...? AAAAHHH! (Tries to pull out gun, but it's too late, and Turbo... gives him a pat on the back. The music stops in a record-screech sound) Huh??

Turbo: I'm only kiddin', officer! I would'nt hurt you! Plus I'll get in trouble with the law!

Quick: (As if he's watching a horror movie) Oh God! Don't listen to him! Get out of there! Oh God!

Turbo: Eh-heh. You gotta excuse Quick. He's high.

Officer: So he is?

Turbo: Yeah, got a huge stash of crack at his house. I saw EVERYTHING.

Officer: Hmmm... I see. Wack-ass mother fucker (He's talking about Quick). Well, nice chatting with ya. Gotta go enforce the law.

Turbo: Okay, see ya.

The officer gets into his vehicle, and Quick is suprised that the situation ended well, until...

Turbo: Oh, officer?

Officer: Yeah?

Turbo: Here's something for ya. (Pulls out gun and points it at his forehead)

Officer: O__O!!! HOLY-- (BLAM!!!!)

Quick: OMFG!!! WTF?!!!

The dude's corpse slums onto the window. Turbo pulls out his cigarrette, and puffs it again,

Turbo: (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... Ha ha ha ha ha ha... HA... (Gets back into the car, and drives away.) Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!

Quick: OH MY GOD! You sick, twisted, motherfucker!!

Turbo: (turns to Quick with a death stare) What you say?

Quick: I didn't... aww, fuck it! I don't care about this shit anymore, man! I just wanna go home! I wanna see Ice and Bright again! I wanna play Super Smash Bros. Melee and kick their asses with Captain Falcon again! *Sob!*

Turbo: I don't think that will happen, bitch.

Quick: What do you mean?

Turbo: Remember what I said about Ice "checking out" ealier?

Quick: O__O! (Finally gets it. Psycho music plays.) OMG!!

Turbo: As for Bright, he did what every other fuckin' light bulb does when it gets shot by a .22.

Quick: WHA?? YOU BASTARD!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Y...?!!!!!!! (Gets gun stuffed in his mouth) O_O

Turbo: Now, Why won't we go to burger king, eh?

After about 30 more minutes of driving, they finally arrive at Burger King. Turbo is eating 3 whoopers, while Quick is chomping (or not) on a plain chicken sandwhich.

Quick: *Sob!* I just want to go home, man! *Sob!*

Turbo: Yo Quick, you don't look so hungry. Why won't you give me your sandwhich there?

Quick: Uh... (About to bite into it.)

Turbo: Come on, give me your sandwhich.

Quick: (About to clamp his teeth into the sandwhich.)

Turbo: I SAID GIVE ME YOUR SANDWHICH, BITCH!

Quick: (Quickly gives him the sandwhich.) Here, take it!

Turbo: (Snatches it) Thanks pal. (Smokes a bit more) (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... (Eats the whole thing in one gulp) Is that all, bitch? I'm still hungry!

Quick: *Sob!* (Hands him the last of his fries, then his drink)

Now, after eating at Burger King, the bitches just drive around... and drive... and drive. Turbo is blasting "Two Words" by Kanye West, and Quick is looking out of his window. The car stops at a light in a deserted intersection in the middle of the hood. Quick notices that Turbo has put the car in park, then clears his throat.

Turbo: Hey Quick.

Quick: Yeah?

Turbo: What that cop said back there made me think about something for a long time. (Turns off the radio) I need to ask ya something.

Quick: Wha?

Turbo: Yeah, you know, just to be friends, it's not gonna matter man.

Quick: Really?

Turbo: ^_^ Really. (All of a sudden, he pulls out his gun and points it at Quick's forehead. A record scratch sound is heard, then suspensful music, with heart beats in the background, plays )

Quick: O_O What the!?

Turbo: (Threatening gangsta voice) You think I would win against you in a race?

Quick: (Stammers) Well, I... uh...

Turbo: Mothafucka, I ASKED you a question. You think I would win against you in a race?

Quick: Well, I.... uh... oh shit.

Turbo: WHAT?! You think you fastest bitch in the land, huh? Think you're so better than me that ya don't have'ta answer my question? HUH, NIGGA?!

Quick: (Sweating like mad) No, it's not that man!

Turbo: Yeah, you better answer me right... I asked a fuckin' question. Do you think win against you in a MOTHER... FUCKIN'... RACE?!

Quick: *Gulp* Yeah. You would man. Definately.

Turbo: (Lowers his gun) Okay, let's race. Get out the fucking car.

Quick: Wha??

Turbo: (Opens his door) Get out the fuckin' car, man, we're gonna race.

Quick: Hmm... okay man. (Gets out the car) I'm out.

Turbo: Okay, let me get out now. (Steps out, then changes into his car form and starts revving) On your mark... (Quick gets ready to race) Get set.... Now I want you to run, okay, don't be scared to run, okay? I not gonna try to run you over, okay, just run.

Quick: You don't need to remind me, man. I'm running... AWAY FROM YOU!! (Starts running) So long, sucker!!

Quick starts running like hell. He only got as far as 200 feet before tripping over a can, then falling face first. He turns around, and sees that he left Turbo in the dust.

Quick: I won... he he he he... I AM THE FASTEST... MOTHER FUCKER... IN THE-- (BLAM!! He falls to the ground) Argh! What the fuck!

Quick looked at his leg, and realized that he had been shot in the leg. He turns around, and sees Turbo behind him, smoking his cigarrette and dangling the keys to the car.

Turbo: (Raspy Voice) Ooooohhhhhh... yyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...

Quick: Oh god! You shot me in the fucking leg!

Turbo: (Stops taunting him, and tosses his cigarette to the ground.) I'm TURBO Man, bitch! Ha ha ha ha!

Turbo puts the key in his pocket, changes into car form, then drives off.

Turbo: (Voice fading) Beat that speeding motherfucker...

Quick slowly gets to his feet. He slumps about 40 feet, before collasping again. He is stranded in the middle of the hood, his leg shot, and the car keys stolen, so there is no way he could ever get back to skull fortress.

Quick: (Inhale) DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIITTTT.....!!!!!!!!!

Believe it or not, Quick eventuallty returned to Skull Fortress, dodging bull dogs and gang bullets, and hitch-hiking twice in the process. It took the motherfucker ALL night to get back. On a side note, Ice and Bright eventually got repaired, but Turbo still gets away with the shit he did that night, since Ice had no memory of the bank incident after being shot in the head, and Bright was in so much shock, he couldn't speak for the next 5 days; by then he completely forgot about being "put out" by Turbo right before he went after Quick.

This stupid little fic ends (At Last!) and the last scene goes blank. All of a sudden, the screen changes to a close-up shot of Quick's eyes, a la the Blair Witch Project.

Quick: And that's what happened. That's how I got this big mark on my leg. And that is why I'm here: To tell you that if you see Turbo Man, do NOT fuck with him. He will kill you. (The camera zooms in a bit) He will kick your ass. (The eyes look around a bit.) He's everywhere... he's every-fuckin'-where... (Close-up of his over-shadowed mouth) He's up your CROCK... (Flash shot of his crock, then back to his mouth) He's up your ass (Flash shot of his ass, then to his insane looking left eye.) He's everywhere... *Pant... Pant... Pant...!* (Wide shot of his face) EVERYWHERE!!!! *PANT!! PANT!!* THE MOTHERFUCKER'S EVERYWHERE!!! (Looks around panting. A strange silhouette approaches from behind) *Sob!* You can't stop him! *Sob!* HE'S GONNA (Zoom in on his face) FUCK... (Zoom) YOU... (Zoom) UP!

The silhouette reveals itself to be none other than... TURBOMAN!!

Turbo: ^_^ Hey, mothafucka!

Quick: (Turns around) O______O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S TURBOMAN!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H! (Runs into the camera. It zooms into his mouth, and everything goes black and silent, follows by a BLAM!!)
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Well this fic's over. Once again, make sure to review! Praise or reject, any opinion is welcome! ^_^
PEACE!