Mirage Of Blaze Fan Fiction / Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Chasing Twilight ❯ Chapter Eleven: Reflections ( Chapter 11 )

Chasing Twilight

By:Banshee Puppet

Chapter Eleven: Reflections

 

~ “I thought I saw someone holding out their arms to me, but it was only a reflection in the water.” -Chiaki~

 

It was late, the hospital dark. The nurses took pity on the young man who refused to leave his dear friend's side and brought him a blanket, begging him to at least get some rest.

 

He didn't want to be troublesome, make people worry, so he curled up in the chair beside Chiaki's bed, lacing their fingers together because there was some part of him that refused to let go. He just couldn't bear the thought of leaving. When Shuhei opened his yes again, Yuzuru wanted to be the absolute first thing he saw. It was illogical and borderline petty, but he wanted to be there, smile, and say something silly like `good morning, Shuhei? Were you having a good dream?' He wanted to call him by name. He wanted to embrace him and forbid him from ever EVER giving him such a scare again. He wanted to apologize for not being a good enough friend that just his being here was reason to wake up, for making Chiaki bear his sorrows with him. If he could take it all back, all the things that made him cry…he would do anything for that. `It's because we're friends that I feel this way, right?'

 

*~*~*

 

Some battlefields are too bloody to forget, and they haunt you. For Chiaki, the most haunting battlefield of his life, was a man—Iosude Kazushi. He would know the silhouette anywhere, the one-armed samurai sitting atop a rock, katana firmly sheathed in the sand beside him where it would be easy to grab if he needed it. It had taken him centuries, but he finally thought he understood the man who died for his sake, just a little.

 

`This is the Netherworld,' Chiaki thought. `Why am I here? Have I died again?'

 

“You aren't dead, not yet anyway.”

 

“Thanks for putting my mind at ease. So then why am I here?”

 

“I'm only a guardian spirit, Nagahide-sama. You've come here of your own free will. Why do you think that you've come? The only one who can give you that answer is yourself.”

 

“Don't play those stupid games with me,” Nagahide complained.

 

“Gomen,” the one-armed samurai said. “It's been a while since I've had anyone to talk with and I'm glad it's you, that's all.”

 

Chiaki sighed and took a seat on the rock beside him. “A guardian spirit. I don't understand it. I cost you your freedom, your arm, your sister, your life, and still you don't hate me and haven't become vengeful at all. You're weird, Iosude.”

 

“It's because I love you. You're starting to understand it, right? There's someone you love that you would do anything for as well now.”

 

Chiaki didn't answer. Iosude was too observant for his own good anyway. “I tricked you into serving Haruie, when you thought I intended to have you serve me.”

 

“Lord Haruie was kind to me. He may not be the person I loved, but the memories I have of my time with him are still precious.”

 

“He adores you.”

 

“…Aa. That's true. He always acted like a fool, but his gentleness was overwhelming. He probably shouldn't have been born a man.”

 

“Is that the reason you didn't think twice about sacrificing your sword arm for his sake?”

 

“There were many reasons. It doesn't matter. I have two arms, but there will only ever be one Haruie-sama, no matter how much time passes. He's a really loyal person though. He probably things he'd be betraying his feelings for me to fall in love again, but there's nothing wrong with it. I want him to find happiness. I want the same for you.”

 

Chiaki sighed. Kazushi Iosude. He realized quite blatantly why he'd sought him out now. He needed advice that, for the first time, he couldn't talk to Haruie about—an unbiased opinion of whether to continue living, or to die. The only person he could get that from was someone who wasn't alive. He was surprised to find the man just the same in death as he had been in life—unflinching and without regrets.

 

“Everything I do makes him sad,” Chiaki began. “It's too painful to watch. He gets this kicked puppy expression. I can't stand the thought that the one who makes him look that way is me. Maybe it would be better if I don't return.”

 

“Mmn. That's possible.”

 

“Some help you are,” Nagahide scolded. “I came to you for advice, you know.”

 

Iosude chuckled a bit. “Well, it's just that even you don't sound like you really believe it. Isn't what you really want to know—staying or going—not `which will make him happy' but rather `which will make him less sad.' You're someone important to him, right? If not a lover then at the very least a friend. If you weren't then he wouldn't be affected by your actions.”

 

“So you're really saying that I'm just taking the easy way out. You're telling me `if you really love him, then go suffer for him.'”

 

Iosude shrugged noncommittally. “You're stronger than me. I'm sure you can handle it,” he replied, idly throwing a pebble into the lake, which turned the water red.

 

“Why did you just do that?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“The pebble…”

 

“Oh! Well you see, it's sort of part of the job. This place is full of vengeful spirits, you see. Uesugi-sama asked me to keep them in line, so once in a while, I toss a rock in to remind them I'm still here to keep them from acting up. It turns the water red though, from all the blood.”

 

Nagahide's eyes widened slightly, understanding why the scenery seemed so familiar to him. He chuckled. This sort of thing was typical of Iosude actually, subtle reminders rather than all out attacks. He was good at keeping people in line without letting them ever realizing he was doing so. “So you're to blame then.”

 

“To blame?” Iosude asked.

 

“Nothing in particular,” he replied blandly. “The Mirage of Blaze.”

 

*~*~*

 

Yuzuru ran his fingers through Chiaki's bangs. “Why won't you open your eyes?” he asked his friend's unconscious body. “Have I done something to piss you off? If I'm the one who's driven you to this, I'll make it up to you somehow. Just come back. I feel so uneasy, like I'm fighting quicksand, when you aren't here.”

 

He rested his forehead against Chiaki's knuckles, squeezing the unresponsive fingers like a lifeline. `Shuhei. Do you hate it here? Can't you come back, even if it's only for my sake? Can't I be enough to keep you here, my dear, dear friend? I would do just about anything, to have you open your eyes, smile at me, and call me stupid, or bop me over the head with one of your textbooks, the way you always do when I've said something stupid.”

 

*~*~*

 

“Mirage of Blaze, huh? That makes it sound pretty cool,” Iosude replied. “But it's only a rock, and besides that, it's only the first mirage. They say only people in love can see the second one.”

 

“A second mirage…?? What is it?”

 

The samurai shrugged. “Maybe that's also a sort of Mirage of Blaze.”

 

`Shuhei. I miss you.'

 

Nagahide looked up in surprise. That voice coming out of nowhere and everywhere at once. `Yuzuru??'

 

“Wow, a mortal voice cutting into the Netherworld. You don't hear that every day. Seems you've really annoyed him.”

 

`Please come back. Open your eyes.'

 

`…Yuzuru…even with this…I'm still making you so sad…'

 

Chiaki stood. “I guess it's time for me to go.”

 

“Aa. Thank you for visiting. It made me really happy.”

 

“You're such a simpleton, but I guess I owe you that much at least.”

 

“Tell Uesugi-sama I'm doing my best, ne?”

 

Chiaki's eyes widened slightly. `By Uesugi-sama, you don't mean Kagetora, you mean Kenshin,” he realized. “You know where he is, don't you?”

 

“Hai!” Iosude answered with a cheerful smile. “You'll be surprised, but I've been sworn to secrecy, so just go home already. I won't tell you.”

 

Nagahide sighed. “You're still weird, Kazushi. I'll be leaving now.”

 

“Then hurry up and go. You're making your important person cry.”

 

`Shuhei…'

 

*~*~*

 

He was conscious long before he was able to force his eyes open. It felt as if he'd been asleep for years. He could feel Yuzuru's fingers curled tightly around his hand, almost tight enough to bruise, and wondered why he ever thought that running away would solve anything. It was just a cowardly excuse to not have to deal with his problems.

 

Slowly, Chiaki opened his eyes, glad to find it evening and the room dim. He let his fingers curl a bit and was amused to find Yuzuru's head shoot up near-instantly, the tiny smirk he wore proof of this amusement.

 

“Ch-Chiaki…”

 

Chiaki cleared his throat. It felt dry and he knew when he spoke it was going to sound really hoarse. It did. “Quit giving me that kicked puppy look,” he complained, forcing himself to sit up with a slight grunt. “You should be happy to see your best friend, right?”

 

Before he could quite register what was happening, he found himself in a tangle of limbs and perhaps the biggest hug of all time as Yuzuru sobbed into his shoulder, babbling so quickly he was only able to make out every third or fourth word. It was something about `so scared'… `thought you'd abandoned me'…and `it was really mean of you to make me worry.'

 

Chiaki rested his left hand awkwardly on the back of Yuzuru's head. His right arm was all pins and needles so he decided to leave it be for now. `I'm so sorry, Yuzuru. I thought I was doing you a favor, but instead, I've been very cruel. I hope you can forgive me for that.'

 

Yuzuru let his eyes fall closed, done with crying, but not ready to let go. “Shuhei,” he murmured. “Why'd you come back? What made you change your mind?”

 

“You were calling me, stupid. Do I need another reason than that my best friend was calling me and wanted me to return?”

 

Yuzuru's embrace tightened around his neck. `Just because I called? But I think I've gotten everything backwards again Shuhei. The one who makes me feel safe is you. The one I can't do without is you. I love Takaya, but I don't think those things about him. It's not the same as this—to need your arms around me, to want to see your smiling face always, to feel nervous and unsettled when you're not beside me, always worried that maybe someday, you'll disappear from view…the one I feel those things for is you Shuhei Chiaki, or Nagahide, or whatever you want to be called. It's you. This loneliness even when I'm in your arms must be love—because all you see when you look at me, is a friend, and that's become so very painful.'

 

*~*~*

 

A/N: I wonder if Chiaki and Yuzuru will ever understand one another. Hah! I think I'm going to have to get Takaya some cupid wings and a toy archery set (because do we REALLY trust Takaya with real arrows? With his anger issues I should hope not…though, he's been good lately. Naoe's influence? Well, maybe.)

 

Anyway, more to come. I have one more short chapter handwritten, but it's mostly an interim chapter, getting me where I want to be so come chapter 13 I can play around a little.