Moldiver Fan Fiction ❯ The Astronaut Song ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Astronaut Song



::We cut to Kaoru Misaki and Hiroshi Oozoru on a lunch break from work. Seeing as it's a business lunch...they're forced to talk business. Rough life, ne?::


Hiroshi: (choking down a sammich)...So, I was thinkin' that if we updraded the Z23.50 to 300 megahurtz we could...

Kaoru: (looking kind of lost in his own world) Uh-huh...

Hiroshi: And if we also graduated to...dude, are you OK?

Kaoru: (looks up) Er...uhmmm...Actually, I'm not OK. I'M SICK OF THIS [expletive] JOB!!!

Hiroshi: Nani?!

Kaoru: I never asked to be a Computer Technition!! (cue generic anime tear streams)

Hiroshi: What are you talking about?!?

::All of a sudden, the cafe backdrop changes to a cheaply painted universe looking like it was done by a five-year old raised by wild pygmy goats. Hiroshi is understandably stunned by all this::

Hiroshi: What the...?!?

Kaoru: (standing up on the table) I don't want to blither on all day about Intel chips or parameters or the information superhighway! I always wanted to be....(whips off lab coat, to the disappointment of the bishie lovers of the world, he's wearing a large, bulky, white space suit) .....AN ASTRONAUT!!!! (cue music to begin) Drifting from star to star as they use up all their hydrogen and burn out in vast infinate void of the Milky Way!! The red giant! The quarks! The Mir! THE BIG BANG! The eternally pulsating pulsars! The funky little space debris! The lightening-fast asteroids of the Oort Cloud! The towering facial illusion on Mars! The melting ice caps on Europa! The possibility of extraterrestrial bacteria! The burning feeling of entering Earth's atmosphere! Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune and Venus! With my kawaii little Mirai-chan by my side!

Mirai: MIIIIIIIIIIIIISAKIIIIIIIII-SEMPAIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!! AAAAIIIIIISHIIIIITEEERUUUU!!!!!! (glomps Kaoru and latches on with the strength of a few dozen parrots that haven't ceased to be)

Kaoru: (with his arm around Mirai-chan) I just wanna sing! Sing! SING!! (sings) I'm an astronaut and I'm OK! I keep interplanetary beings at bay!

Dr. Machinegal's Dolls: (appear from nowhere dressed like the crew of Star Trek) He's an astronaut and he's OK! He keeps interplanetary beings at bay!

Kaoru: I float and drift! I drink some Tang! I replace the anti-freeeze!! On Venus I get poisoned and stink up the lava'try!!

Dr. Machinegal's Dolls: He floats and drifts! He drinks some Tang! He replaces the anti-freeeze!! On Venus he gets poisoned and stinks up the lava'try!!

Kaoru/chorus: Oh, I'M AN ASTRONAUT AND I'M OK!!! I KEEP INTERPLANETARY BEINGS AT BAY!!!

Kaoru: I record G's! I bust some heads! I like to beat alien beeeiiings! I hijack Mirai's clothing and use it as a towel!

Dr. Machinegal's Dolls: He records G's! He busts some heads! He likes to beat alien beeeiiings! He hijacks Mirai's clothing.....?? And uses it as....a...towel....???

Kaoru/chorus: I'M AN ASTRONAUT AND I'M OK!!! I KEEP INTERPLANETARY BEINGS AT BAY!!

Kaoru: I record G's! I clean up with her shirt, bandanna, and her braaaaaa!!! I'm obsessed with that girlie, and think of nothing but her at allllllll!!

Dr Machinegal's Dolls: He records G's! he cleans up with her shirt....bandanna....and....BRA?!? He's obsessed with...that girlie? And thinks….of...nothing but her.......at all?!?!?! (walk out in disgust)

Mirai: (tears in her eyes) I didn't think you were such a hentai, Misaki-sempai!

Kaoru: (shrugs) Well, it's lonely in space!

Mirai: And I thought you were such a gentleman!! (runs off crying)

Kaoru: Mira-chani!! Oh, some on it was just a song! I was just joking!! Mirai-chan! MATTE!! (sigh) That's it, minna. Show's over...go home.

Dr. Machinegal: (walks out wearing a tux and carrying a cane) OH! HE'S AN ASTRONAUT AND HE'S OK!!! Cha cha chaaaa!!! He keeps interplanetary beings at bay!! EVERYBODY!!

Everybody but Hiroshi, who's still in shock: OH HE'S AN ASTRONAUT AND HE'S OK!!! HE KEEPS INTERPLANETARY BEINGS AT BAY!!! HE'S AN ASTRONAUT AND HE'S OK!!!! HE KEEPS INTERPLANETRAY BEINGS AT BAY!!!

Dr. Machinegal: Cha Cha Cha!!!! (slips and falls) Ow! My hip!

Hiroshi: (sighs and covers the camera up with his hand)


fin