Monster Rancher Fan Fiction ❯ Trainer Assistant Deathmatch (NOT MINE) ❯ THE DEATHMATCH BEGINS ( Chapter 1 )

Fizzy's Notes: This fic does not belong to me… it belongs to my not-so-good classmates, Arvin Direccion, and Russel Torres… their email address is drector666@hotmail.com, so if you wanna them to know you reviewed, well, just send them an email or something after actually reviewing it, because they don't exactly have their own account yet (they seem to be too lazy to do so…). It was also posted with their permission (they forced me to post it, the bastards…), so don't you people DARE report me for plagiarizing anything, because I DO NOT OWN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! If you wanna flame them, don't post it as a review, since it will be shown as a review on MY ACCOUNT and would really piss me off… this is THEIR DAMNED FIC, NOT MINE! Instead, send your flame directly to their address. They tell me that they'd like to see at least ten or so reviews on the fic itself, and that only then would they be persuaded to write the actual deathmatch. That is all.

Arvin's Notes: Holly is from MR-1/MR Series, Coltia is from MR-2, and Aroma is from MR-A. But you probably already know that. The personalities of Izzie and Marschette are completely based on their respective owners' personalities (Izzie is my classmate's (known as Fizzy 13) MRA trainer while Marschette is my older sister's MR2 trainer), we have no idea how they would react to such stimuli as this fic. It's around some time past 1AM tonight and I'm supposed to wake pops up at 1:30 for him to watch this Olympic boxing game between our representative and one of the Korean boxers, while Russel continues to chew on my goddamned potato chip supply! WARNING: This fic contains strange humor (if you could call it that) pointless inferences to miscellaneous crap, and… CHEESY COMMERCIALS!!!

Russel's Notes: Personally, only game of Monster Rancher I've ever played is MR-A. Any weirdness from the characters would no doubt be from me. Thank you, and good night.

Disclaimer: We don't own any of the MR games/anime/whatnot that might wind up in the public's knowledge. Izzie and said trainer's data are the sole property of Fizzy 13, while Marschette and said trainer's data are the sole property of my (Arvin) older sister, Maya… and no, we're not Japanese. My parents just like those kinds of names… ask them why they named her such.

Trainer Assistant Deathmatch

An Arvin and Russel Corroboration

THE DEATHMATCH OPENING

Arvin: Welcome to the very first -

Russel: And probably ONLY -

Arvin: Don't mind what he said - Trainer Assistant Deathmatch in history!

Russel: Because there are only about five or so trainer assistants in existence…

Arvin: Can it, Russel.

Russel: Why should I? Got any good reasons for me to?

Arvin: Well… because almighty fast food fried chicken will smite you down if you don't?

Russel: Can you be more specific? *puts finger on chin* KFC? McDonald's? Max's? Jollibee?

Arvin: Does that really matter?

Russel: *nods*

Arvin: Eh… KFC?

Russel: Oh… okay. *shuts up and sits down*

Arvin: Right… where were we? Oh yeah… you know the rules: Last contender alive wins… *thinking* Personally, I'm rooting for Coltia… she's SO DAMNED CUTE! *aloud* They will be judged by our honorable referee… eh… who was the referee again?

Russel: Colonel Sanders?

Arvin: *slaps forehead* No…

Russel: Slappy McKrakken?

Arvin: Who?

Russel: That dude who fell in love with a cow who has a chicken for a brother…

Arvin: What?

Russel: Never mind… *thinks really hard* Professor Oak!

Arvin: Ah, yes… The dick who thinks he knows everything about Pokemon! Presenting: Professor Oak of the Kanto Pokemon League!

Oak: *walks into the ring wearing a referee's uniform, feeling pretty stupid and out of place* Good day… *fidgets nervously*

Russel: Today's match will be a three-girl catfight and this, of course, will be a non-title match! We're not here to watch them win a belt, hell no! We're here to watch them strip each other naked! *gets slapped by Arvin*

Arvin: Watch your tongue, Russel…

Russel: What, don't tell me you don't wanna see it too! *gets slapped by Arvin* Gah! Stop putting your hand near my mouth!

Arvin: They're barely of legal age, Russel. The oldest is Holly, who's 16 at most! That can only mean one thing… you're a nymphomaniac, aren't you?

Russel: Preposterous… you were the one who suggested I say that line - *Arvin covers his mouth*

Arvin: I haven't the slightest inkling of what you're talking about… *clears throat* In the green corner, consisting of good looks, brains, a magical Mystery Disk Geiger Counter of a necklace -

Russel: And a knack for finding some Extra Spicy Chicken ala Phoenix…

Arvin: *ignoring last comment* We have Holly of FIMBA!

Holly fans (Genki et al.) cheer as she walks up to the stage in her standard MR-1 outfit. Baddies in the audience boo and hiss.

Holly: Hey, everybody! *waves at audience, oblivious of the constant booing by baddies*

Moo (human form): That's it girl! Show `em all the moves daddy taught you!

Naga: You remember this, girl! I will kill you! Like just about everybody else in your blasted village of crappiness and stupidity! I will slither over and mutilate your already deformed corpse! I will - *Moo socks him by the elbow* I mean… Woohoo! Go Holly go!

Arvin: In the blue corner, consisting of the ownership of a pet toucan, an outrageous singing voice, and an extremely creative method of naming pop-up monsters -

Russel: She just had to name the Wracky Charles, didn't she? Why didn't she just call it CHUCKY instead!?

Arvin: *ignoring that as well* We have Coltia from the IMa continent!

Colt walks up onto the ring wearing her blue outfit and sits in a stool in the blue corner with Marschette rubbing her shoulders in a coach-like fashion. Joy flies onto one of the corner posts and starts squawking. Kavaro, Rovest, Dr. Talico, and the IMa announcer cheer.

Arvin: And in the red corner, consisting of one stuck-up, self-righteous brother, one rundown ranch -

Russel: Two terribly combed ponytails…

Arvin: Dammit, Russel!

Russel: …

Arvin: And one hell of a tomboyish attitude, we have Aroma from Age Island's AGIMA (AGe Island Monster Association?)!

Aroma walks up into the ring, with Mr. Mardoc telling everyone how he's so proud of her and similar crud.

Francesca: You owe me FIFTY IF YOU LOSE, MACK!

Arvin: The contenders are spending what might possibly be their last moments with their respective trainers, probably giving out their wills or something…

Genki: Holly, there's something I have to tell you.

Holly: Let me guess… You love me, you always have, and you regret telling me only now because I might die in this contest?

Genki: Eh… not exactly… actually, I'm asking you to take the dive…

Holly: What!? Are you saying you want me to die!? AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!? *steam starts to emit from her ears*

Genki: Eh… not exactly… You see, I bet a lot of money on you losing this match and… well… it's the last of my cash, so would you please oh please oh please lose? For me? *big sad puppy-dog eyes*

Holly: *eye twitching in utter… rage? Maybe… slaps him, slings him over her shoulder, and plants him headfirst into the canvas*

Arvin: And Holly just planted Genki headfirst into the mat! Good Lord, what an attitude that girl has!

Russel: Everyone can see that, Arvin…

Arvin: Can we get some paramedics down there? I don't think he's moving… oh, wait, he's twitching.

Holly plants her foot on Genki's neck as he twitches in an attempt to Morse code a message to ANYBODY out there

Russel: I say, Arvin, it looks like he's trying to tell us something… can you read it?

Arvin: Let's see… It's Morse… "Can't… breathe… crazy… bitch… choking… me… need… help…" Should we help him?

Russel: Oh, fine, fine, send some paramedics to break it up. We'll save that for after the match! *laughs evilly*

Arvin: Provided Holly wins, of course.

Russel: Of course.

Paramedics rush into the ring, pick Genki up, carelessly dump him onto the stretcher *with a cracking sound from somewhere along his spine*, and cart him away for some intense medication for his broken neck.

Marschette: Remember… never ever ask for Holly's autograph again! I'm having enough trouble throwing all of your signed sheets of paper into the trash bin daily!

Colt: *halfheartedly* Got it, Marschette… Please take care of Joy for me, okay?

Marschette: It's not like you're gonna lose or anything - *sees Holly start cracking her knuckles, seemingly expectant of victory* - okay… any other last requests?

Colt: *sweatdrop* Uh… *hands Marschette a sealed envelope* Please give this to Rovest in case I… *swallows lump in throat* In case I croak…

Marschette: *suspiciously* A letter of apology for dumping him? Hmm…*secretively tucks it away in her coat pocket* I'll make sure it reaches him.

Colt: Thanks… *taps Joy on the beak* be a good girl for Marschette if I lose, okay, Joy?

Joy squawks.

Colt: Good girl! *tosses Joy a cracker, which it swallows*

Marschette: Eh… Joy wanna cracker? *Joy squawks* That's what I thought… *looks at Colt* Don't worry your boots off, I'll take care of her if ever you do get sent back to our ranch in a shoebox.

Colt: *frowning* That's not very optimistic…

Marschette: Well, creaming Holly's pathetic monsters in the IMa-FIMBA meet using an eight-year-old, 999-all-stats-except-power-which-is-574 Blue Phoenix is one thing… going ahead and locking horns with her is another, far more serious case.

Colt: Right… *gets up and proceeds to the center of the ring*

Izzie: Remember this, Aroma: We've beaten the crap out of monsters like that so-called `Legendary White Dragon' Dynast, right? Then what problem should you have in beating a couple of annoying girls from two different games?

Aroma: But Coltia's my friend! I don't wanna hurt her!

Zest: Look at her, Aroma. This time around, she's going to be your worst enemy, unless you count that other girl… *stares at Holly, who's doing push-ups, pumpings, pull-ups, sit-ups, somersaults, etc. in the middle of the ring* Who seems to be determined to take this cup. Kill `em both!

Izzie: Yeah, for your mom and dad or something… *Aroma and Zest look at him in slight confusion* What? I was trying to lighten up the mood!

Aroma: Okay, fine! But just because you two say so! *heads to the middle of the ring and starts warm-up exercises while Colt continues to stand there, staring at the other two contestants in utter panic, seeing as she's the only one of the three who doesn't seem to be physically prepared*

Izzie: Zest, all these years I've been at your ranch, I've never seen Aroma so hyped up to battle…

Zest: *shrugs* Eh, all you need to do is give her a shove in the right direction and she'll keep on going…

Oak: Okay, ladies, you ready? You know the rules: last one standing wins, no hitting below the belt *realizes that he's talking to women and shrugs* same principle, I suppose… and NO FOUL PLAY! Ready? *the three nod* LET'S GET IT ON!!!

*AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR AN ANNOYING COMMERCIAL BREAK*

Joker (In Military Uniform): Tired of your same old boring fried chicken? Then come to Joker's Fried Chicken, where everything is just plain… DONE TO DEATH! You want your chicken sliced up real good? Then let me come up to your table and slice it up myself! I cannot guarantee your safety or that of any of your companions, though... but if you're doing it for the sake of good old done to death fried chicken, then what the hey? Don't forget! JFC! It's been DONE TO DEATH!

Announcer: This program has been brought to you by Nestle "Moo", the baddie official chocolate-flavored milk drink.

Moo: I do not drink that crap!

Announcer: Well, too bad, because you have absolutely NO IDEA OF WHAT YOU'RE MISSING! *throws a Moo tetrapack at Moo*

Moo: *grumbling* Alright, FINE! I'll drink just a little bit… NOT! *throws it away* can we get back to the show now? I wanna see my little girl kick some SERIOUS ASS!

Announcer… yeah, sure… but you DO realize that a commercial break signifies the ending of a chapter, so if you're gonna say anything, you'd better say it now…

Moo: Holly, I'd just like to wish you a very happy birthday, because it just might be the last happy one you get since you're 17 now and all, meaning perverted authors are going to dirty your image in extremely BAD hentai fics pairing you up with that pathetic excuse you have for a boyfriend or even write you into a yuri with Pixie or… *fade to black*

Arvin's Notes: Eh… really sleepy, now, and it's 2:30 AM. Dad's watching his little boxing match and wants Russel and me to hit the sack (just so you know, he's sleeping over) so we can go to school early tomorrow and all that, blah, blah, blah… so… good night, already…

Russel's Notes: Eat beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you… eh… expel some bad air?

Fizzy's Notes: Just so you know, these guys are crazy… Maybe I shouldn't have introduced them to the world of fanfiction. Russel is now obsessed with Digimon, Pokemon, and Monster Rancher-related hentai fics. Arvin sees fanfics as an opportunity to insult fictional characters, hence, not get any unintentional feedback from them. Me? I'm just posting their fics until they get their account up and running… if they ever get to that part. Speaking of MR fics, I got this little project entitled "Scattered Ashes" coming up real soon. Hope you guys check it out and drop a review some time. Apparently, my worst fear has occurred. My disinterest in finishing my Digimon fic has greatened just because I got MRA on GBA and because I watched around 9-10 volumes of the MR anime on video… 0_0 Holly, Kari, Rika, or Izumi? SO HARD TO CHOOSE! Ah, whatever. You know the drill, even though this ain't my fic… REVIEW IT!