My Little Pony Fan Fiction ❯ The Herd ❯ That Pinking Feeling ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Some notes for the sake of clarity
1) This will not be a kid friendly fic. I will do my best to maintain the humor, the optimism, and the warm fuzzies of the show. However I will also be describing situations that people under the legal age of consent shouldn’t be exposed to.  
2) These are NOT ponies. They are anthropomorphized ponies. Check out an artist by the handle of Slugbox for an idea of how anthro I’m going. (Warning: the majority of said artist’s work is NSFW) Whether or not they count as furry I suppose depends on your personal views on that, though I’m not going to be describing them as such myself. If for any reason this bothers you, feel free to picture them as human, it won’t really effect the story save for two things; unicorn based characters will have horns, and pegasi based characters will have wings. If this is still too much for you, you might as well close this page.   
3) The fic starts immediately after Party of One. Consider this to be set in an alternate universe, in which everything that happened in the show has happened, unless and until something in the story contradicts it.
4) I’ll be changing some of the more goofy horse related naming for places. I’m going to try and keep most of the silly and absurd humor, but the goofy has to go.
5) I’m using the extremely high female to male ratio seen in the show to assume that Equestrians follow the harem model for relationships seen in wild horses, in which a single stallion forms a herd with several mares.
6) Most importantly, this is not a porn. This is a story, that just happens to contain some adult material. If all you’re looking for is some pony stuff to clop to, you’re going to find yourself digging through a lot of writing to find the juicy bits. And just to save you the trouble, you won’t find anything like that in the 1st chapter.  

“Good night! Good Night! And thank you all again sooooo much! I had such a wonderful time!”

“G’night ya’ll, see ya ‘round.”

“Later guys.”

“Good evening everyone, I hope you have an enjoyable night’s rest.”

“Sleep well.”

“Good night people. Hopefully we can do this again soon.”

“Soon, but perhaps not too soon dear?”

“Oh, yeah, hehe. Good point.”

“Awww, but I have a really super awesome amazing teeerrrifiic idea for…”

“I’m sure you do Pinkie, but maybe it can wait just a few days?”

“Weeelll…okay. Oooo! Oooo! That just means more time to make things even more amazariffic!”

The sun long since set by the time Pinkie Pie’s birthday party had wrapped up, and five of the six friends were wearily looking forward to some well-earned time in their beds. The birthday mare in question however was still riding high on the excitement of the day, as well as the seemingly endless fuel tank of hyperactivity that propelled her through life like a foal on caffeinated sugar. While her friends walked, or flew, along sedately, Pinkie bounded ahead in a fashion that should not have been able to cover as much ground as it did as quickly as it did, the frills on her skirt billowing and her striped stocking clad legs flashing. Her little pet alligator Gummy stared placidly out from where she had tucked him safely down the front of her V-necked vest

Reaching the gates of Sweet Apple Acres and the road back to town, she spun around to see how far behind Twilight and Rarity had fallen. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had taken to the air of course, and Applejack didn’t really have to go anywhere, but her two literally magical friends would be taking the same path home as her, once they caught up.

Something in the corner of her eye caught Pinkie’s attention mid-turn, and if gravity could have claimed to have a proper hold on her, she probably would have fallen over due to the suddenness by which she stopped. A figure stood a bit off the path, leaning casually against one of the many apple trees that gave the farm its namesake, and income. Pinkie’s mind came to as abrupt a stop as her body in sudden recognition. Her usual cheerful grin faded to brief surprise, then to an expression of consideration, and finally back to a smile, though something more reserved than normal. She stepped off the path, striding across the sparse grass at a pace that wasn’t quite a hop, but a bit more than just a walk.

“Hi,” she greeted the individual with just plain enthusiasm. “I uh, guess we need to talk, huh?”

Big Macintosh raised one eyebrow in an expression that spoke of the pure understatement of her words.

“Eeyup,” the big man drawled, pushing himself upright from the tree. His features were as calm and passive as always, but there was a hint of anxiety to be seen in his eyes. He cast a glance up the path Pinkie had come down, and she caught the meaning quickly enough.

“Well come on then, let’s take a walk,” she suggested, taking hold of one thick arm and heading off into the trees. She didn’t even come up to the big man’s shoulders, and between his height and an abundance of farm earned muscles, he weighed twice as much, plus some, more than her. None of which hindered Pinkie in the slightest, and only the full length of his considerable stride kept Mac from tripping right onto his face as he was manhandled along.

“So, about earlier…” Mac prompted after a few minutes, as he finally managed to slow Pinkie down enough that he wasn’t having to work to keep pace alongside her.

“Yeah…earlier…” Pinkie repeated. She didn’t look at him, but stared on ahead, her expression somewhere between joy and embarrassment and regret, if such a look can exist.

“I reckon I might owe you an apology,” Mac said gravely.

“I can’t imagine why,” Pinkie said, shooting a quizzical look up at him. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want.”

“No, but…well you…I…” he floundered for a moment. “I’m not sure you were exactly…”

“Sane?” Pinkie provided.

“No, that’s not what I was…”

“Macky, after I got done with you, I went home and threw a party with a bag of flour, a pile of rocks, a bucket of turnips, and a big ball of lint. They convinced me my friends were a bunch of losers and that I should never speak to them again.”

The silence that followed this confession wasn’t awkward. Awkward silences happen after nice, normal things like forgetting someone’s name after being introduced to them for the third time, or expressing attraction to one’s cousin.

“But then I found out I was totally wrong about why my friends were avoiding me and everything’s good and normal again!” Pinkie announced cheerfully after a moment.

“Well…that’s good,” Mac said, somewhat less enthusiastically.

“And I think you and I would be great together.”

“I…what?”

“Well, you had a good time, right?” Pinkie flashed him a self-satisfied smile that made Mac’s cheeks darken.

“I suppose I can’t deny that…but that ain’t the same thing as saying…”

“Aaaaand,” Pinkie cut over him. “You could use someone like me in your herd.”

“I…I don’t have a herd,” Mac protested.

“Uh duh, that’s why you need someone like me silly,” Pinkie informed him. “You’re too old to be doing the lone stallion thing.”

“Now hold up, I’m only a few years older than you and…”

“And unless you want to get snatched up by the first group of mares that decides you’re taking too long to start picking…well I suppose that’s your chance to take.”

“Whoa, wait…what are you…?”

“Oh come oooon, don’t you listen to any of the gossip in town?”

“Well I…”

“Just about all the mares got their eyes on you. I swear, Cheerilee is probably just a few weeks away from organizing a raid to come claim you.”

There was a certain degree of wide eyedness to greet this news.

“Buuuuuut…” Pinkie continued with playful sultriness. “If you let me be your first pick, we could get you your herd formed and organized before anyone can do anything drastic.”

“You…really think it might come to something like that?”

“Uh huuuh,” Pinkie told him seriously. She crossed her arms in front of her sternly, though the gator head poking out of her cleavage detracted from the look somewhat. “You have no idea. There’s only like, three decent guys in all of Plainsville, and none of you are showing any signs of even considering who to pick for your herds. It’s been driving most of the mares crazy!”  

“I…I didn’t realize it was such a big deal.”

“Stallions,” Pinkie sighed. “Well it is. And now that I’ve got some claim on you, I’m not letting you go.”

“Uh, look, Pinkie,” Mac said, running one hand through his mane. “What we did, I mean it didn’t…I wasn’t…” He trailed off at the look the normally bubbly, pink woman leveled at him. There was something very unnatural about how clearly he could see his own nervous face in her glaring big blue eyes.

“You wouldn’t be trying to say you’re planning on using me and then losing me, would you?” she asked in a slow monotone.

“Uhhh…” Mac swallowed, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “No, that wouldn’t be right. I got to be a proper fellow about this and...”

“Okie Dokie Lokie!” Pinkie exclaimed brightly, her face lighting up in a smile. “Alright, here’s the plan! You stay here on the farm where it’s safe.” Her tone became a conspiratorial whisper. “Someone could have seen us earlier. If so, it’s only a matter of time before everyone in Plainsvillie knows.”

“…everyone?” Mac repeated in mild alarm. Pinkie just kept going as if he hadn’t spoken.

“So we have to act quickly, before anyone else can make a move. I’ll get your herd rounded up and established while you lay low, and by the time the news breaks, it’ll be too late for anyone to nay-say us.”

“Whoa, wait a moment,” Mac exclaimed as Pinkie made as if to dash off right then. “Shouldn’t we discuss who is going to be part of this herd?”

“Should we?” Pinkie asked. “I figured it’d be obvious.”

“Well, maybe so, but uh how about we discuss it anyway. Just to avoid any misunderstandings?”

“Oooo, good thinking! Well I couldn’t possibly be in any herd that didn’t include my friends.”

“Your friends…um, all your friends?”

“Oh, of course not silly,” Pinkie laughed, giving a little snort. “That would be most of Plainsville. I just meant my bestest friends.”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

“What, you don’t like my friends?”

“No, course I do. It’s just uh, one of your friends is…well…”

“Ooooooooooh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Right. Don’t worry, those rumors about Rainbow Dash are completely bogus, she has this stash of magazines, that is one mare who definitely loves the… ”

“No, not Dash,” Mac cut in.

“Oh, you meant Fluttershy! Don’t worry about her either, I’ve seen some of the looks she’s given you when she thought no one was looking. Might take a bit to get her to be comfortable with things, but I think once she is, she’s going to be a real fre…”

“No!” Mac interrupt again. “I’m talking about the friend of yours I already have a relation with.” The surprised gasp that greeted these words made Mac flinch involuntarily.

“No way! I thought I was your first! You’ve been with someone else? How did I not know about that!?”

Mac took another deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I’m talking,” he said with forced calm. “About my sister Applejack.”

If Pinkie’s eyes had gotten any bigger, they would have pushed the rest of her features right off her face.

“You’re sleeping with AJ?” she exclaimed, and Mac nearly choked. “WHOA! And here I was thinking that she’d be the hard sell for getting everyone together, oh man, does that make things easier…”

“No!” Mac half yelled before reigning himself in. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to think calming thoughts. Getting riled up never help no one do nothing better. “No,” he repeated in a quieter tone. “I am not sleeping with Applejack.”

“Oh…why not?”

Inside his head, Mac felt his brain officially give up and walk out on him, leaving him completely at a loss as to how to respond.

“I…she…we…” his mouth sputtered in an effort to keep working in the absence of instructions.

“I mean I know it’s a bit unusual, but it’s not like it’s unheard of. I mean what about Celestia’s herd?”

“That’s different,” Mac managed as he dragged his protesting mental faculties back to the job. “The royal line has to be kept pure, everyone knows that.”

“Still, goes to show it works right?”

“Oh fine,” Mac said, struck by sudden, desperate, inspiration. “If you can convince AJ to join up, knowing full well what she’s getting into…”

“Not a problem!” Pinkie proclaimed with such enthusiastic confidence that Mac felt a tingle of dread run down his spine, and found himself questioning his brain on the supposed wisdom of the ploy it had just suggested.

“Uh…right then…”

“I got to get to work then!” Pinkie said. “I mean, it’ll be dawn in only like, eight hours! I have to be ready!” She took a pair of running steps, then halted. She took the exact same steps in reverse, spun, and grabbed Mac by his shirt lapels, hauling herself off the ground in a perfect chin-up to lock her lips about his. The kiss sent an entirely different kind of tingle down his spine, and befuddled his mind even more completely than trying to argue with her had managed, such that he didn’t even notice the snout poking him in the chest. Then she dropped back down and was gone so quickly that she seemed to become a pink blur before vanishing into the night.

His thoughts still jumbled, Mac half walked, half stumbled back through the orchard, barely aware of his surroundings until the front door to the Apple family house snapped shut behind him. He blinked, coming out of the trance, and sighed. How in tarnation had he gotten himself into this mess? And how was he going to get out of it without being a right rotten scumbag?

The familiar creak of the floor by the kitchen made him glance up to see Applejack glancing down the hall at him.

“Oh, it’s you,” she drawled sleepily. “What were ya’ll doin’ outside at this hour?”

“Uh,” Mac hesitated, as he ferociously kicked his mind back into gear. “Had some chores I was behind on, what with going into town today for Granny’s joint balm.”

“Oh yeah,” Applejack yawned. “Got so busy ma’self ah forgot ya were gone part’er the day.” She vanished back into the kitchen for a second, then the light clicked off and she reappeared, carrying a glass of water in one hand and running her fingers through her long blonde mane with the other.

She was dressed in one of Mac’s old hand-me-down tees, her usual sleepwear. It gave him a pause to see her like that. He remembered the shirt coming down to somewhere near her knees when he’d first given it to her. Now it was riding up nearly to her flank, showing a fair deal of very well-toned leg. There was even the briefest flash of red on every other step as the lowest sliver of her cutie mark peeked out under the hem.  When had she gone and grown up that much without him noticing it?

“Ya’ll ‘right?” Applejack asked, and Mac realized he’d been staring.

“Huh?” his increasingly useless brain provided.

“Ya had that far ‘way look ya git when y’ur thinkin’ real hard ‘bout sumthin,” she said, coming to a stop right next to him. When had she gotten so tall? He had a good head of height more than her, but that still made her a fair deal taller than most of Plainsville.

“Oh, yeah, uh…”

“What’s buggin’ ya bro?” she demanded.

His brain started firing excuses his way, none of them good. And as much as he didn’t want to tell her what happened, even more so he knew he’d feel bad not telling her. They’d always trusted each other with their secrets, and it felt wrong to consider changing that now. Even if it was embarrassing.

“…I might have done something stupid today,” he admitted.

“How stupit?”

“Hard to say yet, but maybe…Uncle Hawley’s barn stupid.”

Applejack winced in memory of the event.

“Aw’right, ya better tell me ‘bout it,” she said, padding over to the big comfy couch that was the center piece to the family living room. Mac gave a moment’s thought to running, but dismissed it as a bad idea. Applejack was faster than he was.

“Well…” he started, sitting down on the couch and earning a protesting groan from the springs as they fought to hold him up. “I had just picked up Granny’s balm…”



“…and make sure she doesn’t use more than the instructions allow for,” Lotus was telling Mac, unless of course maybe she was Aloe. He never had gotten the spa sisters’ names straight, and he was too embarrassed about it to actually ask anyone.

“That right,” Aloe, unless she was Lotus, added. “I know Granny Smith believes that more is better, but it just won’t work like that with this.”  

“I’ll be sure to not give her more than she should have,” he assured the two, who smiled at him sweetly.

“We know,” the one he was thinking was Lotus said. “You take such good care of her.”

“That he does,” the one that would be Aloe if the other was Lotus added. “I sure hope I can find someone to take care of me that well.”

“Well now, surely you won’t be having to worry about anything like that for quite a while yet,” Mac offered politely.

“Oh…yes, well,” Maybe Lotus hedged. “Still, it would be, nice to have someone to pamper me…”

“Pamper us,” Maybe Aloe corrected.

“Hmm, well yes, I suppose so,” Mac agreed, not really knowing what else to say.

“Speaking of pampering,” Lotus, possibly, spoke up, “Whenever are you going to stop by for yourself?”

“Shoot ladies, no disrespect meant, but uh, the whole…spa dealie thing really ain’t my thing.”

“Oh now,” Could be Aloe said. “You could at least give it a try. A good massage would do wonders for all those tough, hard, powerful muscles…”

“Yes, you really should,” Likely Lotus picked up as her sister trailed off. “Why just look at your hands, so…strong, but so rough. A good soaking and some personal attention…”

“Well, I guess I could think about it,” Mac allowed, starting to edge towards the door. “But not today, I really do need to get back to the farm.”

“Oh…well if you ever change your mind!” the both of them called after him as he stepped outside.

It was a pleasant day in Plainsville, as expected. The town might not be as big or rich as some other places in Equestria, but they did have one of the best weather teams around, and when the schedule said a day was to be nice and enjoyable, you could sure enough count on it to be so.

Tucking the bag with Granny’s jar of joint balm in it under his arm, Mac headed off down the street, weaving easily through the light traffic. Definitely one of the nice things about a smallish town, it was rarely so packed that a fellow had to worry about bumping into anyone. He nodded and smiled and offered polite greetings along the way. Another nice thing about a smaller town that, knowing most everyone, at least by sight, and them all being friendly.

So it was something of a surprise when someone ran right into him as he came around Sugarcube Corner, half knocking the wind out of him, and then just kept on walking as if they hadn’t even noticed. Mac had to fumble the bag to keep from dropping it, and he cast an annoyed look at…Pinkie Pie?

It took a second look to be sure, because it sure didn’t look like Pinkie. Her normally curly poof of a hairdo was flattened and straight. She was trudging along, not skipping or hopping or bouncing at all. There was none of the usual cheerful brightest about her, but rather a depressing dullness that seemed to mute the colors around her. There was just no…spark, no energy, no vitality about her.

“Pinkie Pie?” Mac called after her, and was actually kind of surprised when she stopped to look back at him.

“Huh? Oh, hi Macintosh. Sorry, didn’t see you,” she muttered listlessly, and Mac became officially worried. Pinkie had never used his full, proper name before.

“You alright Pinkie?” he asked, stepping a bit closer to look at her better. Her eyes looked a bit swollen.

“Oh, yeah, I’m great,” she replied, and smiled. It scared Mac. It was the most unnatural looking smile he’d ever seen, and he was glad that she stopped trying to maintain it after a brief moment. “Excuse me…I have to go…throw a party…with some…people…”

“Pinkie, what’s wrong?” Mac insisted. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing,” she said softly, one hand tugging absently at her mane. “I’m fine, totally fine, everything is just…really…awesome…”

The next thing he knew, Pinkie had half collapsed into his arms and was crying into his shirt. Mac did his best to juggle the girl, the bag, and his own footing, and miraculously managed not to lose any of them.

“Pinkie?” he spoke with no little amount of alarm.

“They…don’t…friends…hate̷ 0;parties…excuses!” she sobbed incoherently.

Mac sighed with general understanding. He had no idea about the details, but he came from a very big family, and he’d held more than a few hysterical cousins when they’d needed someone to comfort them. Once they reached the point of being unable to string words together into proper sentences, there wasn’t much else to do but hold them and let them cry it out.

Gentle as he could, Mac scooped the sobbing mare up in his arms, and proceeded to carry her into Sugarcube Corner. He was relieved to find the place empty of customers; he certainly wouldn’t have wanted to find out what kind of rumors would have otherwise been spawned from him carrying a hysterical Pinkie Pie home. Unfortunately neither Mr. or Mrs. Cake seemed to be around either. Much as he didn’t have a problem offering comfort to someone who needed it, Mac would have been more comfortable passing Pinkie over to someone who knew her better.

Not seeing any other options though, he hefted her up a bit more securely into his arms and started up the stairs to the second floor. He had no idea which room was hers, but a quick look around found him one that was decorated as if someone had hollowed out a cake, turned it inside out, and blown it up to live in. It was all pinks and reds with candy decals and hand painted balloons and streamers crisscrossing everything. It seemed a safe bet to assume it was Pinkie’s.

Mac nudged the door all the way open with one foot, and carefully maneuvered his now merely quietly crying armload inside. There was a bed that had been designed and decorated to resemble a giant custard dish, and he gently set her down on it, then sat down himself as she refused to let go of him. He dropped the bag to one side and put one arm around Pinkie’s shoulders, and waited with practiced patience for her to wind down.

Some minutes later she slowly pulled away from him, and Mac slipped his arm free to let her. She didn’t look at him, and her long, straight mane fell to hide her face, but he’d been through this kind of thing enough times. He pulled a big green handkerchief from one pocket and held it out where she could see it. She took the offering in one slightly shaky hand and cleaned herself up, ending with an enormous honking blow.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome. Now, do you want to talk about it?” He asked gently.

“I…I don’t know.”

“Okay. Would you like to be alone?”

“No!” she spoke sharply, grabbing his arm in a sudden, fierce hold. “No, please…”

“Alright, alright,” he said calmly, laying one hand softly over hers. After a moment the tension went out of her, and her grip loosened enough for the circulation to start back up, sending a prickling down the limb. Mac just sat there with her, not saying anything, just holding her hand for several silent minutes before she spoke up.

“They don’t like me anymore,” she whispered.

“Who doesn’t?”

“My friends. They don’t like my parties and they don’t want to be my friends anymore,” Pinkie said in a tone suitable for the ending of the world.

“That’s…quite a serious thing to be suggesting,” Mac said. “What makes you think that?”

“They don’t want to come to Gummy’s after-birthday party,” she said, a bit of heat in the words. “They’ve all been making excuses not to come,” she added, her voice rising. “And they’ve been sneaking around town and avoiding me all day!” She shouted, jumping to her feet and stalking about the room. A teddy bear had the misfortune to cross her path and ended up being sent flying by an angry kick.    

Mac rose to his own feet as she paced angrily back and forth. “So, you have tried talking to them about it?”

“Uh, yeah!” Pinkie raged. “Rainbow Dash actually ran away from me! She didn’t want to talk to me sooooo much she kept running away no matter how often I cornered her! And then she went and hid in your barn and Applejack said I couldn’t come in because of construction and she slammed the door on my head!”

“I…see…” Mac said.

“I know!” Pinkie shouted as if he had just whole-heartily agreed with whatever point she was making. “It’s all secrets and lies with them! Well I’m on to them now, and they don’t want to be my friends, then fine!” She tried to scream the last few words, but her voice broke and only a visible effort managed to get them out.

“Look, Pinkie,” Mac said in a ‘let’s be reasonable’ tone. “I have no right idea what all this is about, but I can say this about my sister, and that’s that it just don’t sound like Applejack to up and abandon one of her friends. Something just ain’t right about that, and if it’s okay with you, I think I ought to go have a talk with her about it. Maybe I can figure out what’s going on for you?”

“You…you would do that for me?” Pinkie asked in a small voice.

“Course I would.”

“But…” she bit her lip, and her eyes shone with worry. “What if they really don’t like me anymore?”

“I can’t imagine how that could be possible.”

“But what if…?”

“Well then, they’re doing themselves a mighty fine disservice. A person would have to be a proper no fun grump not to like you, and if they don’t, well then, I still will, and so will a lot of folks.”

“Really? You…you like me?”

“Course I do.” Mac smiled slightly at her. “How couldn’t I, after all the nice things you’ve done for me and mine? You’re always trying so hard to brighten everyone’s day, bringing me balloons and cake when I hurt my ribs, cheering up Applebloom when she was down about not having her cutie mark, throwing that amazing party for Granny Smith’s 80th birthday. You’ve never been anything but friendly and wonderful to the Apple clan, and I’m not going to forget that, not ever.”

“So you really like me?” she asked desperately.

“I really do.”

“…prove it.”

“Uh…excuse me?”

“Prove it,” Pinkie demanded. “Prove you like me.”

“Um…well…” Mac scratched his head. “Uh, what would you accept as proof?”

“Well…you…you could…” she looked around as if for inspiration. “…kiss me.”

“Beg pardon?”

“You could kiss me,” Pinkie repeated. “That would prove it,” she said, seemingly talking more to herself than him. “People only kiss people they really like.”

“Uh, well I suppose that’s true…” Mac granted, trying to take a nervous step back, but finding himself blocked by the bed. He could have sworn one of her eyes had just twitched in a manner he didn’t find very comforting.

“Right, that’s settled then,” Pinkie said formally, and stalked right up to him. “Well, go oooon…”

Mac cleared his throat and gave his shirt collar a nervous tug. She was staring at him very intensely. Slowly, in little jerky motions, he leaned over, and placed a hesitant kiss on her forehead.

“…so, that’s how much you like me…” Pinkie stated coldly, and her gaze sharpened as her eyelids half closed.

Mac opened his mouth, closed it, swallowed drily, and opened his mouth again. He was saved the trouble of finding words by Pinkie seizing him by the front of his shirt and hauling, and some panicky part of his brain was screaming that he was too young to die, and then her tongue was fighting for space with his in his mouth and he had somehow ended up on his back on the bed and she was crawling on top of him and…


“Whoa whoa whoa!” Applejack broke in. “Ya was makin’ out with Pinkie!”

“Making out nothing,” Mac replied. “I think I was fighting for my life.”

Applejack snorted. “Well  land sakes, ah can’t believe that girl. And ah can’t believe you!”

“Me?” Mac said defensively.

“Takin’ advantage of ‘er when she was all emotional like that.”

“I was not the one taking advantage of the other,” Mac grumbled.

“Are ya really goin’ be that whiny with me?”

“I am not whining…but come on AJ, have you ever seen Pinkie really mad?”

Applejack started to reply, then stopped. Her mind played her a flashback of her own confrontation with Pinkie Pie, right after Rainbow Dash had dove for cover in the barn. It had been like trying to stare down an active volcano.

“Ahhhhh…shoot, fine,” she relented. “Ah guess ah can’t take it out o’ ya, ‘specially if she was the one startin’ things. And it’s not like there’s any real harm in a little kissin’.”

Mac made an uncomfortable sound, and Applejack shot him a suspicious look.

“That’s all that happened, right?” she pressed.

“N-not exactly,” Mac hedged.

“What else? Ya didn’t go getting’ handsy with ‘er, did ya?”

“Uh…well…I didn’t start it, but…”

“Ah don’t believe this,” Applejack protested. “Next ya’ll be saying ya went and…” she trailed off as Mac glanced down at the floor, his face darkening. “…Big Mac-in-tosh!” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. The glass of water was dropped to the floor, soaking the carpet.

“Would you please keep your voice down?” Mac pleaded. “You’re going to wake everyone up.”

“Ooooooo,” Applejack fumed, but she managed to get enough control of herself to moderate the volume of her voice. “What is the matter with ya?” she hissed. “What was ya thinkin’?”

Mac threw his hands up. “I don’t know. She was just being so…and I’d never had anyone touching me like…and she just looked like if I tried to stop her…I…” He put a hand over his face. “I guess I just wasn’t thinking.”

“Ah bet ya weren’t,” Applejack said in disgust. “Anything else I ought to know ‘bout?”

“…yeah.”

“Ser iously? There’s more?” she exclaimed in disbelief, and Mac motioned for her to keep her voice down.

“I talked with her after she left your guy’s party.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And…well…” Mac blew out a long breath. “She’s going to be joining my herd.”

There was a stunned silence.

“Ya…she…wha…” Applejack spluttered. “Ya ain’t got no herd!” she finally spit out.

“Yeah well, I do now.”

“But…but…Pinkie Pie?”

“It was her idea.”

“And you said yes? Just like that?”

“As opposed to what AJ?” Mac said, a hint of heat coloring the words. “What else could I have told her, ‘thanks for the good time, but no thanks’?”

Applejack rocked back slightly at his tone. It took an awful lot of poking and prodding to get Mac’s temper going, but it was a right bear once it was awake.

“Aaaaah…shoot, no,” she said, deflating a bit. “Ah guess that wouldn’t be right.”

“Yes, I know,” Mac huffed. Applejack sighed and sat back down.

“So, what now?” she asked.

“Darned if I know,” he admitted.

“Wrong!” Applejack told him. “Ya done started picking for a herd. Soon as word of that gits ‘round town, we’re gunna have us a stampede of the lady folk come lookin’ to join up.”

“Yeah, Pinkie said something like that.”

“And she’s right. If ya don’t git ya herd picked and established ‘fore word gits ‘round…” she trailed off ominously.

“Pinkie said she was going to handle it.”

There was another, more intense, stunned silence.

“Pinkie…Pinkie Pie is going to handle picking out ya herd?” Applejack asked, after she picked her jaw up off the floor.

“She seemed very confident that she could do it,” Mac protested defensively.

“Pinkie Pie is confident she can do anything she puts ‘er sugar filled head to,” Applejack retorted. “Please tell me ya at least got names out o’ er.”

“Course I did, I’m not an idiot,” Mac shot back. “Not a total one,” he amended after a dismissive snort from her.

“Well?” she pressed.

“Well…” he stalled. “Well…she was thinking…about her friends.”

The third stunned silence danced its way across the conversation.

“…oh…ma…gawd…” Applejack groaned, putting her face in both hands. “And ya didn’t try an talk er out o’ it, did ya?”

“Like it would have mattered?” he asked.

“Ah got to stop this,” Applejack said, getting to her feet.

“What makes you think you can?”

“Ah don’t know, but ah gots to try. Bless Pinkie, ah love er to death, but there ain’t no way this crazy plan o’ hers is going to pan out smoothly. Ah got to talk sense into er before we end up with a whole heapin’ o’ hurt feelin’s.”

“You…you think it could get that bad?”

“Bad? Bad! Don’t ya know anything ‘bout forming a herd? It ain’t just ‘bout findin’ a stallion and some mares ya don’t mind sharin’ him with. Ain’t no guy be ‘spected to keep a whole handful o’ ladies happy, if ya getting ma meanin’. The mares got to be into each other, at least somewhat.”

“…oh horseapples.”

“Exactly! And how’s it goin’ to turn out if Pinkie feels that way ‘bout them, but maybe some o’ em don’t feel quite that way ‘bout er?” Applejack’s imagination treated her to an vision of Pinkie Pie being rejected as a potential lover by one of her friends. She shuddered involuntarily. “Got to stop er,” she told herself, and headed for the door.

“Uh, AJ?” Mac called out.

“Not now, ah got to think,” she told him, opening the front door.

“Perhaps you ought to think about putting on some pants before you go running into town?”

Applejack paused, and then looked down at herself and the over-large tee that was her only attire.

“Oh…right…that…” She shut the door and bounded up the steps, pausing halfway to the top. “Don’t you go nowhere. Ya gunna be comin’ with me an’ helping ‘splain things, ya hear?” And then she reached the second floor and darted off towards her room.

Downstairs, Mac considered again about making a break for it. He’d have a few minute’s lead, and it was too dark for her to follow him easily. He could be most of a mile away by the time she was finished dressing, which was at least as far as he’d really like to be when Pinkie told Applejack that she wanted to have all her best friends join his herd…  


Converting /tmp/phpzF81cw to /dev/stdout