Nadesico Fan Fiction ❯ Austin's Mary-Sue Nadesico Fanfic ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Austin's Mary-Sue Nadesico Fanfic

By Austin Covello

Based on the characters created by XEBEC

"With all of the action we've seen over the past few months, NERGAL has seen fit to send a new Aestivalis pilot to help out. While I'm sure I should feel glad for the much-needed relief, the pilot in question is a Mary-Sue fanfic character. Just the kind of pilot we need: An egocentric show-off whose sole purpose in life is to take the place of the main character and get with all of the women. Don't we already have enough people like that aboard?" -Ops Log, Lieutenant Ruri Hoshino

Aestivalis Pilot Hikaru Amano stood in the hangar bay awaiting the arrival of her new co-worker with a smile on her face. "This is going to be great!" cried Hikaru. "A real, live Mary-Sue! Not only will he be a great pilot, he'll also be cute, too! Isn't this awesome?" She turned to her fellow pilots. "Ryoko?"

Lieutenant Ryoko Subaru, the Chief Aestivalis Pilot, scowled. "Are you kidding? Mary-Sues are the single worst plague of fan fiction. We're all going to come off as incompetent amateurs just to make the author's new pet look good. And if he tries to lay any of that 'aura of smooth' on me, he's gonna get what's coming to him!"

Hikaru turned to Akito Tenkawa, who was standing next to Ryoko. "What about you, Akito? Aren't you excited?"

Akito rubbed the back of his head. "Well I… I don't exactly like the idea of being shunted into the background for the duration of the fanfic, but then again it would free up some time for me to practice my cooking."

Ryoko put a protective arm around him. "Don't worry Akito. I won't let them throw you to the side."

"Careful, Ryoko," teased Hikaru. "Your crush is showing."

Ryoko gradually began to do an impression of a tomato. She left her arm on Akito, though.

"Izumi?" Hikaru asked, her eyes pleading.

"I hope you don't mind, but I think I'll slip into something pink," replied Izumi Maki. Then she laughed. "Pink slip!"

"I know what you mean, and that scares me," remarked Ryoko. "If they wanted to replace us, they could have just gotten that Lily-C.A.T. thing from that old Macek movie. At least we'd still have our dignity."

Hikaru snorted. "You're just jealous because the author of this fanfic has a crush on me, and I'm gonna get shipped with him, and you won't. So there." She stuck her tongue out at her superior officer.

"Oh, who cares about the pilot, anyway?" cried Seiya Uribatake, the Nadesico's chief engineer. "I can't wait to see his Aestivalis! These Mary-Sue characters always have the latest technology at their disposal, so I bet it'll be ten times as good as the Akatsuki Custom!"

"I hate this guy already," murmured Nargare Akatsuki, owner of the Akatsuki Custom.

Captain Yurika Misumaru stepped off the elevator and into the hanger bay. "Hi everybody!" she greeted the pilots. "Well, I've read all of your concerns with this new Mary-Sue and… Ryoko, get your hands off Akito this instant!"

"But the author of this fanfic is an Akito/Ryoko shipper," protested Ryoko.

"Oh," said Yurika. "Well in that case… hey!" she cried as Akito kissed Ryoko on the cheek. "Akito, just because the author has Ryoko practically throwing herself at you doesn't give you the right to act out-of-character!" Especially if it involves kissing any girl other than me.

Akito shrugged. "Why not? This is going to be a lousy fanfic anyway, since it's going to feature an annoying Mary-Sue."

"Well," replied Yurika, "as I was saying, I've taken some steps to make sure that he doesn't take our places."

The roar of an Aestivalis' engine drowned out all noise in the bay. The entire crew covered their ears as a green Zero-G frame landed and then walked over to the hangar section.

"Well, that's about all for me," said Akito. "I think I'll head down to the recreation deck, play some golf, maybe do a little canasta…"

"Not so fast, fry-boy!" cried Ryoko. "You're my boyfriend now, so you'd better just stay right here by my side!"

Akito gulped. "Y-yes, dear," he stuttered.

The Aestivalis came to a stop in front of them. Hikaru's eyes grew bigger and bigger as the cockpit opened, and the Mary-Sue stepped out onto the lift. She began to salivate as he began to descend, his helmet still on. And then, he reached the landing, and took his helmet off.

Hikaru's smile faded somewhat. He was okay, but not as she pictured him. He had short, bright-blue hair, and equally blue eyes. And he seemed a lot taller and better built when he had emerged from the lift than when he'd reached ground-level. But he couldn't be that bad! He was a Mary-Sue.

He stepped off of the elevator… and let out a yelp as he tripped on some unseen crack. The inertia sent him careening toward the captain, and his hands reflexively reached out toward her. Before he could fall flat on his face, he quickly grabbed Yurika's… I don't think I need to go any further.

Hikaru wilted, and then groaned. Geez, what a klutz! Is that his idea of an aura of smooth?

"You see?" cried Ryoko. "He's barely on the ship, and he's already trying to take Akito's place! Look, he's feeling up the captain!"

"He should keep abreast of everyone's love lives!" Izumi laughed.

The Mary-Sue suddenly realized what he'd used to keep himself from falling flat on his face. "Omigod!" he cried, his entire head glowing a bright shade of crimson. "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!" He quickly put his hands back where they belonged, and quickly diverted his eyes from Yurika…

…to stare directly at Hikaru.

His eyes suddenly changed into big, pink, pulsating hearts, and his tongue hung out of his mouth. "Hi there," he drooled at Hikaru. "What's your name?"

Hikaru gulped, tugging on the side of her uniform's collar.

Yurika tittered at him. "Well, we can get you integrated into the rest of the staff later…"

"Integrated is right!" interjected Izumi, who was beginning to gasp for air. She elbowed Hikaru.

"But right now, we need to get you…um…sworn in!" finished Yurika. "If you'll come this way, please?"

The Mary-Sue was still salivating over Hikaru. "Yeah… sure…" he said dreamily.

Yurika grabbed the pilot by the uniform and dragged him over to the side of the bay. She snapped his immobile head over to face her. He immediately stopped drooling, and his eyes turned back to normal.

"That's better," said Yurika. "Now raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, state your name…"

"I, Max…"

"DEATH TO BILL GATES!" cried Izumi. Everyone stared at her. "iMacs, brilliant!" She suddenly passed out due to lack of oxygen.

"Sorry, Izumi fans," said Austin from his computer, "but if I kept her conscious, we'd never get through this scene. You understand, don't you?"

Yurika continued. "I, Max, no pun intended…"

"I, Max, no pun intended…" recited Max, as that was the Mary-Sue's name.

"…do solemnly swear…"

"…that I will not attempt to steal the show."

"Nor will I attempt…"

"…to pick up on Akito's three main girlfriends…"

"…Yurika, Ryoko, and Megumi."

"And if I do…"

"…I will kiss a pig."

"…I will… kiss… a pig," Max finished hesitantly.

"Wow! That was a good way to use up half a page," commented Akito.

Akatsuki harrumphed. "If you ask me, he should be kissing the pig already, after the stunt he pulled with the Captain just now."

"Yeah!" cried Hikaru. "I wanna see him kiss a pig!"

"Ziggy ziggy ziggy zig!" said Ryoko.

Everyone turned to stare at her.

Ryoko gestured to Izumi's unconscious form. "Well someone had to pick up the slack! Anyway, he violated the oath, so we ought to make him do it!"

A comm window opened to reveal Dr. Inez Fresanjue. "Actually, he didn't break his oath, since he hadn't been sworn in, yet. And where would we even get a pig from, anyway?"

"The author will give us a pig. And who the hell asked you, anyway?" cried Ryoko, backing the window off a few grids. "This is supposed to be a show-trial, dammit!"

Meanwhile, Max scurried away and hid behind Hikaru. Hikaru looked behind her and cruelly side-stepped to reveal the cowering Mary-Sue.

A loud crash pierced the hanger as a giant metal object fell from Max's Green Aestivalis. All thoughts of pig-kissing dissipated as Seiya, Yurika, and the pilots (except Izumi, who was still passed out for brevity's sake which had thus far proved ineffective due to rambling dependent prose clauses and Ryoko filling in) ran toward the giant robot.

Yurika pointed at the five foot long object that looked like a car muffler. "What is that?" she demanded in a startled tone.

"The muffler," replied Max.

"Aestivales don't have mufflers," said Seiya sourly.

"Isamu Dyson does," replied Max. He began to rub the back of his head. "Well, did. See, it was sort of damaged, and the muffler was hanging out of the back for the duration of the flight. That's why I made so much noise coming in, you know. I'm sorry about that."

"Well? What are its special, distinguishing features?" asked Seiya. "I can't wait to hear them! Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Well, it's green," said Max.

"Yes," prompted Seiya.

"And it's got a muffler," continued Max.

"Yes, yes," drooled the Chief Mechanic.

"And a really cool name…"

"Yes, yes, yes…"

"And… annnnnnnnd… ummmmmmmmmmm… that's about it."

"What?" cried Seiya. "You've got to be kidding me! I don't believe this! You're supposed to have the latest technology! Not some run down piece of crap with car parts hanging out!"

Max gulped. "Sorry!" he cried.

"Not as sorry as I am that it's called Isamu Dyson," remarked Akito. "Talk about sacrilege. Who named that thing, anyway?"

In the Glastonbury Stop & Shop break-room, Brian Zerringer danced with joy. "Yes! Yes! He finally mentioned Isamu Dyson in one of his fanfics! All of you must pay homage to the greatest warrior that anime ever saw!"

Or maybe not.

"They're all idiots," sighed Lieutenant Ruri Hoshino from her position on the bridge. She hadn't gotten any lines in four pages, and was starting to feel left out.

"Now, wait a minute," said Minato Haruka, the helmswoman. "At least Ruriruri gets to do the introduction and last episode blurbs. I haven't gotten any lines at all."

"Yeah, neither have I!" said Megumi Reynerd, the Communications Officer. "It's bad enough that the author has my Akito going out with that tomboy Ryoko, but I haven't gotten to speak once this whole fanfic!"

"I haven't gotten any lines, either," sighed First Lieutenant Jun Aoi.

"Shut up, Jun," said Megumi and Minato.

"Well you don't hear me whining about it!" cried Erina Won. "I haven't had anything to say, either!"

"And this fanfic is all the better for it," quipped Ruri.

"I wonder if I should tell them that they're on pay-or-play," said Austin. "Nah! I'd never get to use any of them if I did that."

An hour later, Hikaru was sitting in her room, working on her amateur comic books, when she suddenly got a craving for pizza crusts. She quickly decided to raid the kitchen, and headed out the door.

About five feet away from her was Max, carrying a box full of anime tapes. As he passed by Hikaru, his eyes once again changed to giant pulsating pink hearts, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth at her. "Hi, Hikaru," he slobbered.

Unfortunately, he was so caught up with his admiration for the red-headed pilot that he didn't see the burr in the carpet which he was walking on. Zeta Gundam, Evangelion, Tranzor Z, and Gekigangar III tapes went flying as Max went face-first into the floor, as well as his Project A-ko tapes for good measure.

Hikaru pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. As Max began to gather up his tapes, Hikaru's sense of decency overcame her. "Here, let me help you with those," she said, stooping down.

Max looked up and… well, I think I've described it before.

"Um… could you please stop that?" asked Hikaru. "It's kind of creeping me out, you know."

Max quickly went back to normal. "Oh, uh… sure thing, Hikaru."

"That's better." Hikaru looked at the tape in her hand. "So, your name's 'Max,' huh?"

"Yup," answered Max, his heart soaring. At last, conversation! he thought.

"Max what?"

"Huh?" Max scratched his head, confused.

"What's your last name?"

"Um… I don't have a last name. It gives me mystique."

Hikaru gasped. "You mean you don't know your last name?" Her wide puppy-dog eyes grew even wider at the thought. "So, like, you could be a space-prince and not know it because you have amnesia and there could be evil baddies out to kill you so you don't reclaim your throne? That's so awesome! Just like a bishounen anime!" I knew there was something about him that was cool!

"No, that's not it at all," replied Max. "It's not that I don't know my last name, it's that I don't have a last name."

"Oh," said Hikaru, deflated. "So your name is… just 'Max?'"

"Yeah. Well, there are a lot of anime characters named 'Max.' Max Sterling, Max Jenius…"

"Same person," interjected Hikaru.

"Huh?" asked Max. Max had a tendency to say "Huh?" a lot, as you may have already guessed.

"They're the same person. Max Sterling is the Robotech version of Max Jenius. Try again."

Max continued. "Max Duo…"

Hikaru immediately burst out laughing.

"Hey! What's so funny?"

"You don't mean Maxwell Duo from Gundam Wing, do you?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"But Maxwell is his last name!" cried Hikaru.

"Huh?" said Max yet again, much to the annoyance of the hardcore otaku reading this.

"Look, in Japan they put the family name first. For example, my real name is Amano Hikaru, not Hikaru Amano. Gosh, you must be a real dubby, huh?"

"What's wrong with being a dubby?" asked Max defensively.

"Nothing!" said Hikaru. The she smirked. "But why are you being so defensive about it?"

"I'm not being defensive!" cried Max.

"Yes you are."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Dee-two!"

"Huh?" said Max, hopefully for the last time this scene.

"Gee, you're not doing too well at winning my heart, are you?" remarked Hikaru. "We're already fighting."

"Actually, I think it has something to do with you having red hair and me having blue hair. Red-haired and blue-haired anime characters always fight with each other. I think it's supposed to be symbolic."

"But you're not an anime character. You're a Mary-Sue! You're supposed to have dashing good looks and be great with the ladies! Not to mention out-do everyone on the ship."

"But you've already got someone like that aboard the Nadesico," protested Max.

Akatsuki stuck his head outside his door. "I heard that!" he cried. The door to his quarters slid shut.

"You know something? You're right," said Hikaru. "Why am I wasting my time with you? You're not even a good Mary-Sue and you don't even have a cool Aesty and… and… you said you didn't like my hair!" She got up, turned on her heel, and marched to the cafeteria.

Max sighed, finished picking up his tapes, and moved into his own quarters.

Yurika finished her log entries and then turned to Jun. "Wow, it sure is quiet in here," she commented.

"That's probably because everyone else is at lunch," replied Jun, his voice echoing faintly across the empty bridge.

Yurika looked at Jun as he worked diligently at his console. It was so nice of him to take lunch off so that they could catch up on the ship's paperwork. She'd have to do something nice for him in return, sometime today.

Suddenly, an unseen force began to push gently at her back. Involuntarily, she took a step toward Jun. The force began prodding her, and involuntarily she began to walk toward her Executive Officer. Then, when she was close enough, the invisible power gave her a giant shove. With a cry, Yurika stumbled forward and then steadied herself by wrapping her arms around Jun's neck.

Jun gasped. "Could it be?" he asked. "Could my Yurika have finally come around? Could she have be finally admitting her love… for humble me? It's like a dream come true!" Before Yurika could protest, Jun turned around and kissed her full on the mouth.

Yurika's heart began to beat faster as she began to submit to Jun's love…

Austin took off his magic invisibility ring lent to him by the J.R.R. Tolkien museum. "Well, that's one way to do it," he remarked.

Flowers, thought Max proudly as he held a bouquet of roses. No girl can resist flowers. Without a doubt, Hikaru would fall right into his arms. And then he'd show her that he was a real Mary-Sue character. Why, he'd charm the pants right off of her!

Wait a minute, thought Max as he rang Hikaru's doorbell. This isn't a lemon…

The door opened to reveal Hikaru, sketch-book in hand.

"Hikaru, my darling," said Max in his trademark Mary-Sue sexy-voice, "please accept these flowers as a token of my regard for you." He smiled at her, light glittering off of his teeth.

Suddenly, Hikaru sneezed, the wind from her nose blowing her back three feet.

"Hikaru!" cried Max. "Are you sick?" he asked. He quickly ran toward her, flowers in hand.

"Eek!" cried Hikaru, pointing at the roses. "Get away from me with those! I'm allergic to floww, I'm allergic to flowww, I'm allergi, I'm allerrr, I'm alleraaAHHH-CHOO!" she sneezed, blowing herself into the wall.

Ryoko suddenly entered the room. "What the heck is going on here?" she asked from behind Max.

Izumi came in and spied the flowers. "A sublime palette of allergenic emanation," she remarked.

"Well… uh… look at the time!" noted Max. "I'd really like to stay and chat, but I think I need to be making a check up on my Aestivalis. So if you'll excuse me…" He bolted out the door.

Ryoko scratched her head. "Was it just my imagination, or did he just screw up big time?"

Just then, Akito came in with a pot of noodles. "Who wants to taste test my new special ramen?" he asked.

"Me!" cried Ryoko. Together, the twosome walked out the door.

"Idiots," said Ruri, thus fulfilling her contractual obligation of saying "idiots" every few pages or so.

On the command balcony, Erina scowled at Jun and Yurika, who were still sucking each other's faces. "Could someone please pry these two apart?" she demanded. "First Akito being paired with Ryoko and now these two! This is the most disgustingly off-canon piece of garbage I've ever had the displeasure of taking part in! What next? Me being paired off with Prospector?"

"Yes, Erina would be a purist," sighed Ruri.

"Oh, I don't know," said Minato. "I think it's kind of nice that Mr. Aoi and the captain are dating."

"Well I think it's revolting. Do you hear that?" Erina stared directly at Austin through the computer screen. "It's bad enough that you're using the worst cliché in fan fiction and subjecting your readers to selfish wish fulfillment! I can't believe I'm working with someone who cares more about that four-eyed little twit than his own reputation as a fanfic writer!" She stuck her head through the computer screen. "And I haven't even gotten any worthwhile lines!"

Suddenly a giant fist connected with Erina's jaw. Several of her teeth fell out as she fell to the floor.

From behind Austin's computer, Asuka Langley Soryu, the greatest mecha pilot of all time, retracted her fist. "Sheesh! And Rei fans say that I'm bitchy!"

Austin smiled at the red-headed anime pilot. "Thanks, Asuka. You're a useful person to have around, you know?"

Asuka flipped her hair. "Well, naturally!"

Akito spiked the ping-pong ball over the table-tennis net toward Ryoko. "I still can't believe it," he said. "Max actually messed up."

"Boy did he ever," said Ryoko. "Hikaru won't even come within ten feet of him if she can avoid it. I almost feel sorry for the guy."

"Yeah. Any other Mary-Sue would have had her in the sack by now. Not to mention that I'm still on the piloting roster. I expected more out of him."

Ryoko hit the ball with a nasty backhand. It crashed into the net. "You, too? Geez, why was I the only one not wanting to do a Mary-Sue fanfic? Doesn't anyone appreciate on-canon material anymore? I mean, what next? A dead cast-member comes back to life?"

Just then, Admiral Munatake walked in with the late great Lieutenant Jiro Yamada-better known as Gai Daigouji-at his side.

"Oh, come on," said Austin. "You knew I was going to do that."

Akito eyes began to tear up as he saw his best friend back from the grave. "Gai?" he whispered. "Is that really you?"

"Of course it is, fry-boy!" cried Gai. "And now that I'm back, we'll defeat those Jovian Lizards no matter what! The combined forces of our space fleet will annihilate them! Evil Jovians, your days are numbered!"

"Yes, absolutely!" agreed Munatake. "Mister Yamada, you're just the kind of man this crew of misfits needs! I can't believe I never realized just how focused you are. From now on, I'm putting you in charge of all Aestivales and their pilots!"

Akito jumped for joy. "That's awesome! It'll be just like old times!" He stood at attention. "Pilot Tenkawa reporting for duty, sir!"

"Thank you, Admiral," said Gai solemnly. "Now that I'm Chief Pilot, we can end all of this senseless bloodshed. World peace is now at hand, thanks to the indomitable Gai Daigouji!"

"Now wait a minute!" exclaimed Ryoko. "If he's Chief Aestivalis Pilot, what does that make me?"

"You'll be demoted to Second Lieutenant, in charge of your original Satsuke Midore wing," said Munatake. "You'll also serve as squadron's XO."

"What?" cried Ryoko. "You mean you're going to bust me just because some damn legendary pilot comes waltzing in and demands it? What about my experience in space combat? Doesn't that count for something?"

"You're still an officer, Miss Subaru," growled Munatake. "Don't push it."

"Hey relax, lady!" said Gai, winking at her. "I'll make sure that nothing happens to your old squadron! You can trust ol' Gai!"

"The Admiral's right, Ryoko," said Akito. "You've done a good job, but Gai just has this natural charisma about him that makes him a great leader."

Just then, Max entered the recreation deck. "Hi, guys," he said.

"How's it going, pipsqueak!" greeted Gai. He went over and slapped Max on the back, sending him careening a few paces. "You're just in time to meet your new leader!"

Max hacked and coughed. "Who's that?" he croaked.

"Me! Gai Daigouji!" said Gai.

"Oh," said Max. "Um… Aren't you dead?"

Gai suddenly looked down at his body, as if realizing it was there for the first time. He looked at Max. "Why, so I am!" he said, and vanished with a puff of smoke.

Ryoko breathed a sigh of relief.

Akito's fists clenched at his sides as his rage began to build. His eyes narrowed menacingly at the hapless Mary-Sue.

Not wasting any time, Max sprinted out the door, an angry Akito hot on his heels.

Nadesico will return in a moment. But first, in the tradition of C.E. Forman and Kara Wild…

Commercial HELL! What you are about to see will disgust you and shock you. Be prepared for the worst in fanfic advertising.
Hades Project Black Serena episode 2:--Captured by the evil Nadesico-ryu, Akito is forced to endure torture after torture as he uncovers the mysteries of his past!

Yurika: Akiiiiiiiiiitoooooo!!!
Akito: *Groans* Not again!

Then, it's on to fight The Hakkeshu's dreaded Jovian Aqua Gemini Aestvalis, where our hero and Lapis Lazuli try a dangerous experiment utilizing the boson jump!

Akito: Two Black Serenas? Where did that other one come from? Tenchi on Lunar: Shadow Star Story--Months after the events of Tenchi in Tokyo, Tenchi goes into suspended animation to await the rebirth of his true love, Sakuya. Thousands of years later, he awakens to find himself on the world of Lunar. Now, with the aide of a baby blue dragon named Saph, Tenchi embarks on a quest to reunite the Masaki Clan and find Sakuya. Old friends and enemies from Tenchi and Lunar alike await in this epic forthcoming crossover. There are Pretenders among us... Geniuses with the ability to become anyone they want to be. Having escaped from the Centre, Jarod makes his way to New York City, where he must perform his most dangerous pretend ever. He must pretend to be one of his biggest idols.

He must pretend... to be Spiderman!

But can he catch the new supervillain who injured the real webslinger?

Ryoko caught up to Max later on in the hall in front of his quarters. "Hey Mary-Sue! Wait up!"

Max smiled at Ryoko. "Oh hi, Lieutenant." He saluted.

"Say, I've been meaning to ask you… Why is your Aestivalis named Isamu Dyson?"

"Well…" he thought about it a bit. "You know how your Aestivalis is red, but your hair's green?"

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Ryoko defensively, making Max jump three feet in the air.

"Well… my Aestivalis is green… and his hair's red!" he finished quickly.

"Is that all?" exclaimed Ryoko. "What a stupid reason! You're basing your robot's name on reversed hair color?"

Max shrugged.

Ryoko's tone turned sly. "So, you and Hikaru are on the outs, huh?"

Max sighed. "Yeah. I think I blew it with the flowers."

"That's no big deal. Hikaru isn't the type to stay mad at anybody for very long. Why don't you just try talking to her? I'm sure you two must have something in common."

Max's face suddenly lit up. "That's it!" He quickly grabbed Ryoko's hand and shook it vigorously. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much, Lieutenant Subaru!"

"Uh, it's no problem. And call me Ryoko. Nobody ever uses ranks around here. Besides, I sort of owed you one after you saved me from being demoted."

Suddenly, Max looked down and realized that he still had Ryoko's hand. He quickly released it. "Uh… Ryoko?"

"Yes?" Ryoko smiled at him.

"You know that you're my favorite character next to Hikaru…"

"Uh-huh?"

"And that you're voiced by my favorite dubbed voice-actress…"

"Uh-huh?"

The door to Max's quarter's slid invitingly open.

"But I'm not kissing a pig for you or anybody else!" cried Max. He scrambled into his quarters and shut the door as fast as he could.

Ryoko's eyes suddenly narrowed, the statement going over her head and then coming back to hit her in exactly the wrong place. "What did you just call me?" she demanded at the closed door. "I didn't want to kiss you anyway, you jerk! Talk about an inflated ego!"

She stormed off, spied Akito, and gave him the biggest kiss he'd ever received.

Akito promptly fainted.

The next day Max strode down to the Women's Wing quarters with a notebook in hand. This'll get Hikaru for sure! he thought. He knocked on the door.

The door once again slid open to reveal the hapless redhead. "Oh no," she groaned.

Max smiled at her. "Hi!"

The door slammed in his face.

"I have fanfics," said Max.

The door slid open once again.

"Fanfics?" repeated Hikaru.

"That's right. Anime fanfics."

"Got any Evangelion OFF series?"

"Yup. Including…" Max whispered in Hikaru's ear.

Hikaru's eyes lit up. "Well come right in, then!"

And so, with a hoard of outraged crossed-over Evangelion fans snapping at Max's heels for that notebook, he entered Hikaru's quarters.

Hikaru's eyes were as wide as they'd ever been. "You write fan fiction, too? Oh, wow! That's so awesome! I've been looking for a fellow anime fanfic writer to work with!"

Max's eyes widened, too. "Really?"

"Yup. You wanna do one with me?" asked Hikaru.

"I'd love to!" replied Max exuberantly.

"That's great!" Hikaru took Max hand and gave it a small squeeze, her past revulsion having suddenly dissipated. She took out a fresh sketchbook. "Here you go! You can start with a picture of Joe. Just pencil it, I'll do the ink and color." She took a sketchbook for herself. "And don't forget the dialogue bubble!" she reminded him cheerfully.

Max gulped, but things were going so smoothly that he didn't want to stop. And so about a minute later, he handed the sketchbook back to Hikaru with his completed drawing.

Hikaru frowned. "Um… what is this?" she asked.

"Joe," replied Max.

"It doesn't look like Joe to me," said Hikaru.

"It's the best I could do!" protested Max.

"Stick figures?" asked Hikaru incredulously. "And the sticks not even being straight lines?"

"Well I didn't expect you to want me to draw!" said Max. "How can you expect me to draw something when my author doesn't even know how to draw a straight line?"

"Oh, I see!" said Hikaru, who was nice enough not to be angry about it. "You're a fan fiction representation of the author, and so you're limited by what the author can't do." She sighed. "Well, maybe you can help me with the writing aspect of it. Let's see your stuff."

Max handed her his notebook.

Hikaru's eyes began to grow bigger and bigger with each page she turned. "This is actually good," she complimented him.

"Thanks," said Max modestly.

She turned a page. "I like the way you've got all of the characters down and… what? Hikaru's Fanfic?"

Max's face began to turn glowing red as he smiled a toothy grin. "Uh… um… how did… that… get… in there?"

"What is this?" she asked. "I don't write like this at all!"

"Well, it was just a cute little humor piece. You know, funny? Like, 'Gosh, that sounds just like Hikaru'? 'Ha-ha-ha'?"

Hikaru's eyes narrowed at him.

"Now make me do something kewl!" cried Hikaru as she looked over Austin's shoulder at the computer screen.

"Like what?" asked Austin.

"Like…" she whispered in Austin's ear.

"No!" replied Austin. "I can't do that!"

"Just this once, pretty please?" begged Hikaru, giving him Bambi-eyes.

Needless to say, this quickly melted the author's resolve. "Oh okay, fine!" said Austin.

Max raced out of Hikaru's quarters, quickly dodging the laser beam coming out of it. The beam began to burn a hole in the wall, drilling its way into the next compartment. Max ran frantically down the hallway for his life.

Hikaru stalked out of her room and turned toward Max. Her eyes began to glow red, preparing another laser blast.

Suddenly, a window popped up with Yurika in it. "Hikaru! What have I told you? No eye-beam lasers inside the ship!"

Hikaru rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry, Captain! I'll try better to remember next time."

"There," said Austin to Hikaru. "I've destroyed any semblance of realism that this fanfic might have once had. Are you satisfied?"

"That was great!" cried Hikaru. "Thanks so much!" She wrapped her arms around Austin's neck and squeezed. "Well, see you later!" She bounded out of the room.

Austin turned back to the computer with a goofy smile on his face.

It was lunchtime, and Max stepped up to the cafeteria counter where one of the Howmei girls was taking orders. "What'll it be?" she asked.

"One Marsburger with no mayo, please," replied Max.

The Howmei girl slammed her palm on the table. "God, that's so rude!" she said.

Max drew back. "What? What did I say?"

"Expecting Miss Howmei to scrape mayonnaise off of your bun! You should learn to do it yourself! Lazy American!"

"Now, wait a minute! Just because I don't like mayonnaise means I'm lazy?" asked Max. He was about to go off on a potentially racist rant when he caught himself and sighed. "Nevermind. Can I just have a hot-dog instead?"

"Oh, and I supposed you'll want it without mustard, too!" said the Howmei girl indignantly. "You jerk!"

Max was about to reply when a dark shadow passed over the twosome. "Exactly what is going on here?" a deep voice rumbled from behind him.

Max stiffened, swallowed, and turned to see Gort Hoary, Nadesico's Chief of Security, standing behind him and blocking out the light fixtures. And as Max's short life flashed before his eyes, one thing became abundantly clear: He was about to get choke-slammed.

"Excuse me," said Mister Hoary to Max. "But I'd like to get my lunch, if that's all right with you?"

"Sure thing!" said Max, quickly stepping out of the big man's way.

Mister Hoary smiled at the Howmei girl. "One garden salad with rose-vinaigrette dressing, please."

In the worst cliché that has happened yet, Max sweat-dropped. He quickly tiptoed from the line, lunchless.

"He's an idiot," said Guess Who from a nearby table.

"Yes," said Minato. "You'd think a Mary-Sue would know the nuances of Japanese Culture relating to food preparation."

Megumi looked over at Max, who was now sitting at a table close to the Women's Wing, gazing at Hikaru in despair. "Aw. Look at the poor guy. He's just sitting there all alone."

"Well, you can hardly blame anybody," replied Minato. "He's managed to annoy or insult nearly everyone within earshot."

"He can't be all bad," said Megumi. She got up. "I think I'll go sit with him!"

She went over to Max. "Hi! I'm Megumi Reynerd, the ship's Communications Officer."

"I'm Max," said Max, just in case Megumi didn't know and the readers hadn't been paying attention.

"Mind if I sit down?" asked Megumi.

"Be my guest," replied Max. "What can I do for you, Megumi?"

"You looked a little lonely, if you don't mind me saying so," replied Megumi. "I thought you might like a friend."

"Thanks," replied Max. He suddenly thought of something. "Say Megumi, you're a girl, right?"

"This fanfic, yeah."

"So what do you look for in a guy?"

Megumi swallowed. "Why do you ask?"

"Well…" he once again looked over at Hikaru, who was now blowing her rabbit-streamers. "…I'm having a bit of a problem attracting a certain girl's attention. I just don't think I'm doing it properly. Not to mention that I'm a Mary-Sue character. I shouldn't even be having this problem. Shouldn't I have some aura of smooth or something?"

Megumi shrugged. "Well, I don't know what I can say to help you with your aura of smooth, but it might help if I knew who you were interested in."

Max's palms began to sweat. "I'm not sure if I should tell…"

"Oh, don't worry! I won't tell a soul."

"Okay," said Max. He leaned in close. "Hikaru," he whispered.

"Hikaru?" repeated Megumi, her eyes wide.

Max nodded. "Can you help me?"

"I'm not sure," said Megumi. "I mean, there's something about Hikaru that most people don't know. She's sort of… inhibited."

"Inhibited? By what?" asked Max.

Megumi leaned in close to whisper into his ear. "She…"

"Hey!" Megumi and Max turned to look at the Women's Wing table. Hikaru was now looking at the two of them. "What's going on with you and Megumi, Max? Are you trying to steal one of Akito's girls?"

"Uh…" said Max.

"I knew it!" cried Hikaru. By now, the crew of the Nadesico had gathered around Max's table. "You couldn't last, could you? You just had to shunt Akito into the background and steal Megumi away from him!"

"No, Hikaru!" said Max. "It's not what you think!"

"Bring on the pig!" cried Seiya, ignoring him.

"Yeah!" cried the readers. "Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig! Pig!" they chanted.

"Slit his throat, bash him in!" cried Izumi, cackling morbidly.

Yurika strode through the cafeteria doors with a squealing pink pig in her arms.

"Oink, oink," said the pig.

The readers cheered.

"Pucker up, lover-boy!" said Seiya.

"Stop!" a hooded man robed in black cried out in a booming God-like voice from behind the throng. "This man is innocent."

"Says who?" said Ryoko. "You saw him. He had Megumi eating out of the palm of his hand!"

"Says I," thundered the Man in Black. "And I know what truly happened."

"Now, look here, Michael Moore," said Seiya. "Everyone saw that Megumi and Max were making out in that corner." Everyone stared at him. "Well, they were about to! Just who the heck are you, anyway?"

The Man in Black threw back his hood…

…to reveal Austin.

"Captain Misumaru," said Austin in a booming God-like voice. He suddenly began to hack and cough. "Captain Misumaru," he said in a normal voice, since his vocal cords were beginning to give out from excessive God-like shouting. "I have all the evidence right here that Max was not hitting on any of Akito's girlfriends." He stuck out some papers.

"What's that?" asked Yurika.

"A copy of the fanfic," replied Austin.

"Oh," replied Yurika. She turned to Ruri. "Ruri, would you please hold this?" She handed Ruri the pig and took the fanfic.

Meanwhile, the pig licked Ruri on the cheek. "Blech!" said Ruri.

"Go back and read pages fourteen and fifteen," instructed Austin.

"'Megumi looked over at Max, who was now sitting at a table close…'" Her eyes began to skim over the document. She sighed. "Okay, Max displayed no romantic interest whatsoever in Megumi. Looks like he's off the hook."

The readers began yelling in outrage as the crowd around Max began to disperse.

"Thanks boss," said Max.

"'Thanks,' my butt," said Austin. "You'd better start doing your job, because I don't plan on doing this again!"

Max gulped. "Y-yes! Yes sir!" he cried.

Austin vanished.

After an uneventful afternoon and evening, Max once again sat in the cafeteria, doing his trademark Mary-Sue brooding. It was bad that he had nearly had to endure terminal pig-slobber, but that the author had had to insert himself directly to make sure it didn't happen. And to make matters worse, it was Hikaru who had turned him in to begin with. He looked around. Akito was with Ryoko, the two of them sitting next to each other, engrossed in conversation and kissing. Yurika and Jun were also sitting next to each other, but they had decided to skip the talk and just make out in public. Akatsuki had also chatted up Izumi, but the end result of that was certain to be either Akatsuki's rejection or frustration at Izumi's nonsensical wordplay. Of course, Akatsuki didn't realize that yet, and so he was content with at least attempting to add her to his many conquests.

And equally content, Hikaru sat frantically scribbling in her sketchbook alone.

Max suddenly saw a bowl of soup being placed in front of him. He looked up to see Miss Howmei herself standing before him. "Well, it looks like someone's down in the dumps today," she remarked. "What's on your mind, pilot?"

"It's…" Max started to reply. "It's stupid."

"You let me be the judge of that," replied Howmei. "Come on, out with it! Is it about Hikaru?"

"Part of it is," said Max.

"I figured as much," said Howmei. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure," said Max.

"Just what do you see in her, anyway?"

Max's eyes widened. "What do I see in her?"

"It's a valid question," said Howmei. "She isn't exactly our most popular character. Most people are fans of Izumi, Ruri, or Ryoko. Why not any of them? Do you just go for redheads?" she asked teasingly. "Hmm?"

"No," said Max. "Every woman on Nadesico is beautiful…"

"Why thank you," interjected Howmei.

"…but Hikaru… It's like every time she comes into a room, she brightens it up with her presence. She's always so cheerful and funny. You just want to laugh whenever she opens her mouth. Not to mention that she's into anime and does amateur comic books and fan fiction like I do. I'd watch her and think, 'I could talk to her for hours about this stuff.'"

"So you identify with her the most out of the cast," said Howmei.

"Yeah," replied Max. "But it's a moot point, now. I don't think she and I will ever go out. She thinks I'm no good as a Mary-Sue. And she right! I mean, my Aestivalis is a piece of junk, I don't have an aura of smooth, everyone else has managed to show me up… heck, I can't even displace the main character!"

"Well, I don't know about that last," replied Howmei. "If that were true, why am I giving you advice instead of Akito?"

Max looked over at Akito and Ryoko. "I don't think he needs advice right now," he said.

"True enough," conceded Howmei. "But has it ever occurred to you that you're a bad Mary-Sue for a reason?"

"What do you mean?" asked Max.

"Think about it for a moment," said Howmei. "The author shipped Akito, Ryoko, Mr. Aoi, and the Captain with absolutely no back-story behind it. Why, those could have been fanfics in and of themselves."

"So?" asked Max.

"So, he could have just as easily had Hikaru admit her undying love for you and have the two of you hop in the sack. But he didn't. And do you know why? The readers."

"The readers?" said Max.

"The author knew that the readers wouldn't want someone who would out-do everyone on the ship and get the girl. They'd want someone who was a good guy, but who was less than perfect, and who wouldn't steal the show… or at least steal it in a way that was believable. And so here you are. You're someone that the readers…"

"…Could like?" Max anticipated her.

"No, could identify with," said Howmei. "Just as surely as you identify most with Hikaru, there's someone out there reading this who identifies with you. Can you imagine how many people are out there who find that one person who just gets them, but can't seem to get that person? So much so that they spend every waking moment of there lives trying to tell that person just how special he or she is to them? Why, that's pretty much half of the people on this ship!"

Max snorted. "That doesn't help me all that much."

"My, we are single-minded, aren't we? You get told that you're a notch above the other Mary-Sues and you still only care about Hikaru Amano. Has it ever occurred to you to tell her what you told me?"

"You think that will make her melt in my arms?"

"Max, I'm surprised at you! I know for a fact that you honor her too much to expect her to fall madly in love with you just because of that! But maybe she'll respect you just a bit more than she does now. And who knows where that might lead?" She looked over toward the doorway. "Oh look, she's leaving early. Now would be a good chance to talk to her alone."

Max immediately took the hint. "Miss Howmei… thanks!"

"Don't mention it. Well, what are you waiting for? Go get her!"

Max quickly headed out the door.

He caught up to her in the hall. "Hikaru, wait up!" he cried.

Hikaru turned around and realized that at the rate he was gaining, she wouldn't be able to get away. So there was only one thing she could do. Listen to his annoying and potentially insulting words.

"Hikaru… I really need to talk to you," said Max.

"Oh?" said Hikaru. "And why is that? I'm still mad at you, you know. Why, I could… I could…" She paused to think up something cruel. "I could let loose my rabid wiener-dogs on you!"

In spite of himself, Max laughed.

"I mean it! They'll chew your ankles off!" Hikaru cried.

"You have wiener-dogs?" asked Max, still laughing.

"No. But I know where to find some!" said Hikaru menacingly.

"You know, even when you're angry, you're still funny," said Max.

The menace bled from Hikaru's body. "Funny? Most people say 'beautiful,' you know."

"Okay, then. Even when you're angry, you're still beautiful." He smiled at her.

"Gee, thanks!" said Hikaru. "I wish I could say the same about you. But with a little mascara and lipstick, I think we can do something." Hikaru paused. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Max swallowed. Some part of him hoped she'd still be mad, so mad that she wouldn't want to hear what he had to say. A baby began to kick around in his stomach, but slowly, he found his vocal cords. "Hikaru… I know that every time I've tried to be near you, it's always backfired. But I just wanted to tell you…"

The words died in his throat. How could he word this? The feeling he felt toward her… mere words wouldn't do it justice. Mere words wouldn't do her justice. But it was all he had left.

"Hikaru… I… I l-"

His words were drowned out as alarms blared throughout the ship. "Yellow Alert!" Mister Hoary's voice came over the PA. "Yellow Alert! All bridge crew report to the command center immediately! All Aestivalis Pilots to their standby positions!"

Yurika stepped onto the command balcony, accompanied by Jun. "What's our situation?" she asked.

"Enemy battlecruiser twenty degrees to starboard," reported Ruri. "Distance: Nine hundred thousand kilometers and closing fast."

"But why would there only be one of them?" asked Megumi. "Don't they usually throw a whole fleet at us?"

"I'm not certain," said Prospector. "Perhaps it was part of a convoy and got lost?"

"No," said Admiral Munatake. "More likely it's an autonomous search and attack vessel. It goes around picking off weaker destroyers and small squadrons, as well as some civilian freighters."

"And I bet we're their next target," said Jun.

"Well, if they want a fight, they're going to get it," said Yurika. "Upgrade alert status to condition red. Minato: Bring us about at twenty degrees to starboard and take us in. Ruri: Engage distortion field. Hangar bay: Launch all Aestivales."

"Aye aye," chorused the bridge personnel. And with those orders, the battle began.

"Move it out, ladies! This boy's going for a walk!" cried Seiya through his megaphone. Mechanics scurried out of Isamu Dyson's way as the Aestivalis began to walk to the launch position. Seiya turned his bullhorn to face the green robot. "We just finished installing that muffler, and the only thing that's holding it on is some gum and chicken wire! So you treat her gently, you hear?"

Gosh, thought Max, I hope he doesn't mean that literally. "Right!" he said. "I'll do my best, sir!" He walked to the launch catapult.

"Sir?" cried Seiya. "You don't call me sir, boy! I work for a living!"

Suddenly Max heard a giant clatter, and his engine started to sound a lot louder.

"Let's go kick some scaly-green ass!" cried Ryoko as her Aestivalis launched.

"For peace and freedom!" cried Akatsuki as he launched.

"Gekigangar go!" shouted Akito.

"Hi, Mom!" said Hikaru.

"Fahrvignügen!" cried Izumi.

"This is Aestivalis Unit Six," said Max. "Isamu Dyson moving out." And so, with his muffler once again hanging from his robot, he shot out of the Nadesico.

Once Max was outside the ship, he quickly spied the enemy cruiser launching its bug droids.

"Assume Zebra formation and engage at will!" ordered Ryoko.

Max's nano-injection glowed brightly as he charged forth. Isamu Dyson's eyes glowed as its distortion field easily deflected the lizard's beams. And then, with a mighty punch, it tore one of the enemy mechas in two.

Hikaru's face suddenly popped up on a window. "Um… Max?" she said. "I just thought of something."

"What's that?" asked Max.

"You know how you said that you're supposed to be a fan fiction representative of the author? And that your actions are limited to what the author can and can't do?"

"Yeah?" asked Max. "What about it?"

"Well, the author can't pilot an Aestivalis, can he? I mean, he's just a fanfic writer, after all."

Max swallowed visibly.

His nano-injection disappeared.

The light in Isamu Dyson's eyes faded.

As the green Aestivalis began to spin out of control, Max took a deep breath and began screaming.

"Did we just lose a man?" asked Akito as he threw the bugs attached to his arms off and hit them with two strike-missiles.

"Depends on your point of view," replied Hikaru. Her Aestivalis darted around the battlefield, destroying bugs to form a beautiful painting of fire in the darkness of space.

"I'm squishing up a baby bumble-bee, won't my mommy be so proud of me!" sang Izumi as she extended her distortion field to implode a bug.

Meanwhile, Max still fought to regain control of the Aestivalis as it loopty-looped its way through the battlefield.

"Come on, you stupid damn dumb piece of $#@)^%," he cried, slamming his hand on the controls.

A bug quickly sensed an easy target and shot off Dyson's muffler.

Max's eyes widened in horror. "Ohhhh crap."

"Whipped cream with a cherry on top!" said Ryoko as she smashed through another battalion of bugs.

"'Whipped cream with a cherry on top?'" repeated Akatsuki incredulously as he did the same.

"Oh, shut up!" shouted Ryoko. "Like you could have come up with something better!"

Max had long since stopped trying to control his Isamu Dyson, allowing it to more or less corkscrew through space. Suddenly, he saw Hikaru's gold Aestivalis streaking through, destroying any bugs that she saw along the way. A window opened to reveal Hikaru's face. "Hah! Look who I'm doing better than! Aren't you jealous?"

As she began to make funny faces at him through the window, Max started to laugh. Then he gasped. "Hikaru, look out!"

Hikaru's eyes widened in horror as a swarm of bugs came straight at her.

No, not Hikaru! Max once again began to wrestle with the controls. "Come on! I have to… You've got to listen to me! Or Hikaru will die! You've got to! My entire reason for being here is at stake!"

Hikaru turned to face them, but it was already too late.

"Damn it!" He looked on, helpless. "Hikaru…"

Suddenly, his nano-injection glowed on the back of his hand. "All right!" he cried. He quickly pressed it against the control module. His robot's eyes glowed, infused with IFS.

Now fully in control of Isamu Dyson, he raced over to Hikaru and body-checked her Aestivalis out of the way of the swarm. The Grasshoppers slammed into Max, driving him into the Nadesico's distortion field.

"Max!" screamed Hikaru as she watched his Aestivalis being crushed into scrap metal. Pushing her thrusters nearly to the breaking point, she flew over to him and destroyed the enemy robots.

"Target within range," reported Ruri. "All friendly units are clear of blast area."

"Fire!" ordered Yurika.

Ultraviolet light shot out of the Nadesico's gravity-blast cannon toward the battlecruiser. Its hull began to peel off, and the ship changed to liquid, and then to gaseous vapor.

"Enemy vessel destroyed, Captain," said Ruri.

"Lieutenant Subaru reports that all of the Grasshoppers have been eliminated," informed Megumi.

Yurika smiled. "Well done, everybody," she said.

Suddenly Megumi gasped. "Captain, Aestivalis Unit Six took severe structural damage! The pilot is…" she choked. "The pilot is critically wounded."

Yurika's eyes widened. "Get a medical team to the hangar on the double!"

"Aye aye!" cried Megumi.

As soon as Hikaru got out of her Aestivalis, she quickly ran over to the nearly-imploded Isamu Dyson. The green robot was severely crushed, and it would take weeks to get it operational again. But that wasn't what she was worried about. She rushed over to the team of mechanics who were busy prying the cockpit open. As Hikaru got there, the mechanics lifted the canopy onto their collective backs.

Hikaru's stomach leapt into her throat as Max's limp body fell from the cockpit. Quickly, she ran over to him.

A small lump began to form in Hikaru's throat as she looked at her fellow pilot. Max was painfully conscious, blood trickling from his mouth and his breath coming in painful gasps. "Hikaru…" his voice was barely above a whisper.

Hikaru knelt down beside him and gently took him in her arms, fighting back tears. I never gave him a chance, she thought regretfully. He was such a nice guy, even if he was a big klutz. "Max, I… I'm sorry…"

"It's okay," replied Max. "Dying in your arms… it's the way I'd like to go." Summoning all of his strength, he lifted up his left hand to gently caress her cheek. Then, his hand dropped, and his eyes slowly closed.

For a bit, Hikaru stared at Max's body in shock, her lip quivering even as her mind was unaware. Then, the lump exploded, and the emotional wall in her mind shattered, causing pain upon pain. As the tears began to form a river down her cheeks, she let out a loud wail, words unable to express her regrets.

Ryoko and Izumi slowly walked over to her, accompanied by a full medical staff. Instinctively, Ryoko grabbed for his wrist and felt for a pulse. "Um, Hikaru?"

"WAAAAAAAHHH!" cried Hikaru.

"Hikaru," said Ryoko, trying to take Max from her.

But Hikaru wouldn't relinquish the body. "WAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Hikaru!" shouted Ryoko.

Hikaru sniffled. "What?"

"Um… He's still alive," said Izumi.

Hikaru's face lit up as she stopped crying. "He is?"

"Yeah," said Ryoko. "Would you like to keep him that way?"

"Well, let me think about it," said Hikaru. She paused. "Um… okay."

"Then give him to the EMTs!" cried Ryoko.

Needless to say, Hikaru handed Max over.

Max's vision faded in to reveal Hikaru Amano standing over him. "You're okay!" she said.

Max's eyes flicked over to look at himself. "Um… I'm in traction," he said. And it was the truth: His head was the only thing that wasn't covered with bandages.

"Details, details," said Hikaru wistfully. She smirked. "It looks like the mummy lives again."

Max tried to laugh, but then gasped in pain. "Don't make me laugh! It hurts, please."

"Well, it serves you right after scaring me! Faking your own death like that!" said Hikaru lightly.

"What can I say?" said Max. "Just about all Mary-Sues fake their own death at the end. I wasn't even trying."

Hikaru's eyes suddenly widened in amazement as a thought hit her. "Max… Do you realize what happened out there? You did something right."

Max's jaw dropped. "Really?"

"Yeah!" said Hikaru. "But don't you let it go to your head," she said mock-sternly. "Otherwise I won't let you borrow any of my animes."

"Don't worry. I won't," said Max earnestly. He had just scored some major points with Hikaru, and if he jeopardized it now…

Hikaru laughed abruptly. "Oh, you." She reached out to him and mussed his hair. Then she started to walk out of the room.

"Hikaru," Max called to her.

Hikaru turned to face him again. "Yeah?"

"Remember that bishounen anime you were telling me about? I was wondering… When I get out of the hospital, could you and I work on that together? I mean… I'm good with words, and you're good with art, so… you know…"

"Sure!" said Hikaru. "That sounds like fun!" She turned and walked out.

Max smiled to himself and sighed contentedly. It was a beginning.

Afterword

On Max

In addition to all of the anime names mentioned in the fanfic, Max gets his name from the MTV cartoon "The Maxx". "The Maxx" was a character who "tried to do things right, but mostly screwed up," so I think the name suited the character well. Max is autobiographical to an extent: He has a huge crush on Hikaru, he's into anime, and he's into fan fiction; so in that regard he's a Mary-Sue. But I also took some qualities from some of the cast members and incorporated them into him. He's got Yurika's klutziness, Jun's pure heart, Akito's earnestness, and Hikaru's love of anime.

He's also (very obviously) self-aware, and in that regard he takes on a mind of his own. In fact, that's his whole point of existance: He knows that he's a Mary-Sue, and he knows what Mary-Sues are supposed to be capabable of, and he also knows that he completely falls short of what is expected of him. Most Mary-Sues have one completely irrelevant flaw, but Max has plenty, and they're all relevant, no matter how trivial seeming.

And at the risk of sounding superior, I think this makes him a more interesting character than your average Mary-Sue. Howmei is right to an extent: I want you to identify with Max enough so that you'll root for him in spite of what he is. And even if you don't, you can consider it revenge for all the crappy Mary-Sue stories you ever read.

On the fanfic itself

This fanfic is (obviously) a parody of the Mary-Sue genre, but I'm not exactly sure how off-canon this fanfic actually is. Just as Max is a self-aware Mary-Sue, Nadesico is a self-aware anime, and it often takes great pains to remind you that it is, in fact, just a show. So if you want to do parody in Nadesico, it's not enough that you break the fourth wall. The fourth wall never exists to begin with. If you really want to see a master of this type of writing, read Jackson Ferrel's Shin Slurpee Evangelion. I used a lot of elements of his writing style to create this piece.

I do have half a mind to make a series out of this, since a lot of questions are left unanswered. The most important of which is: Will Max and Hikaru ever get together? The non-series answer is that if that's going to be possible, then Max has got his work cut out for him, given Hikaru's past. But if I do make a series out of this, then it won't be a question of will they or won't they, it'll be a question of how and when. I won't lie to anyone and say that this isn't a blatent piece of wish fulfillment. It is. But then again, so was "Heart Versus Head in a Pitched Space Battle."

Erina

Please indulge me this bit of ranting and raving:

Don't you just hate her? Erina is at the top of my shit-list in regards to anime characters these days. All she does is bitch and complain about Yurika's seeming "lack of focus." Excuse me, but why is this any of Erina's business? If I were in Yurika's shoes I'd ask her that. And I'd say a nasty variant of this: "My private life and goals aren't your business. And your attitude stinks. I don't care how high up you are at the home office, while you're working on this ship, you're under my command. When I give an order, I expect an "Aye aye" and you'd better do it just a little bit quicker than everybody else, or I'll haul your butt into the brig so fast you'll think you bosun jumped there."

That's what Erina needs. I still can't believe that when she and Admiral Munatake boarded the Nadesico together, I thought Munatake would be the worse of the two. Which brings me to...

Munatake

You may have noticed that I didn't give him the "evil Admiral" treatment that I gave him in "Heart Versus Head." Well, the reason for that is that I'm starting to feel sorry for him. Ever since Episode 11, he seems to be played as incompetent rather than egotistical, and you know that he'll end up being Erina and Akatsuki's fall-guy before everything is through. I gave him a chance to be a solid advisor in this one, even liking Gai. And I think he would, since the two of them share similar goals.

Gai

The great Gai Daigouji returns! Needless to say everyone was happy… except Ryoko. If Gai ever did "return from the dead," what would happen to her? Would it really be fair to have him take up his old position as Chief Pilot after Ryoko was doing such a good job? But would it be any fairer to Gai to demote him when he wasn't at fault? There's a question that could be answered with a nice "What if" fanfic.

Other things of note

The little bit with Max and the Howmei Girl comes from some information I learned off of realjapan.com about how Japanese consider it rude for you to ask for condiment-free sandwiches and things like that. Ryoko's "Izumi substitute" line comes from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. And Izumi's morbid little line during the "pig-kissing" scene is from the famous chorus of Lord of the Flies.

Thanks for reading!