Nadesico Fan Fiction ❯ To Die or Not to Die ❯ Chapter 1

Author's note: Hi there! Alrighty, I'm sure you just want to get on with the fic but I'm telling you now, there's going to be a lot more to it later, so don't you worry! ^_^ This fic is mostly going to be a shounen ai fic, may turn into a yaoi later, maybe not. Definitely will have shoujo ai in it though, it's part of the storyline. The shounen ai is going to be Gai+Akito (of course) and the Shoujo ai will be Itsuki+Ryoko. If you don't know who Itsuki is, she's Seelie, but Itsuki is her original name (or so I've been told) so I'm just going to stick with that, oki? May also have a bit of Yurika and Megumi bashing, but that's okay, I hate them. Munetake too, but who really likes him anyway? This fic starts in Episode 3. And it got the rating it did because of language… Mostly on Uribatake, Ryoko, and Akatsuki's part. Nadesico is owned by ADV and Xebec and the original concepts are by Kia Asamiya. This fic is MINE, got it? Anyway, on to the fanfic. ^_^

~*~

The blasts were nothing compared to a real earthquake, but they shook the Nadesico so much, it might as well have been. They certainly knocked Captain Misumaru Yurika on her behind several times on her way down to the hallway of the dorms. She was headed to her childhood friend, Tenkawa Akito's room, which he shared with his friend Yamada Jiro, or, rather, Gai Daigohji.

A few days ago, when Yurika walked in Akito dressing, he had made it very clear that she could only come in when the door was unlocked. "When it is locked, Yurika, I usually have a good reason for it to be locked," he had said to her, and Yurika, being in love with him and all, respected his openness with her and promised not to come in when the door was locked. She had no qualms about entering with knocking though…

The metal door slid open quite easily, as if it said to her, "Oh, of course, go right in. We've been expecting you." She put on her best smile and called out to the darkened room, "Aki~to~!"

"JYOU!" was the answer, though it didn't sound much like Akito. Too deep. "Huh?" Yurika started to walk into the room, but heard a noise like sobbing. 'What on earth..' she thought as she paused, making sure it was sobbing, and then venturing further. When she made it completely into the room, she found her beloved Akito and Gai embracing each other, bawling. "What are you doing in here?"

Akito cried out, almost as if to answer her, "My poor Jyou! He sacrificed himself! OH THE HUMANITY!" He broke down again, letting go of Gai to cover his face with his hands.

Yurika suddenly noticed they were watching Gekiganger 3, the show Akito liked on Mars. She didn't really like that show, because Akito would sit and watch it and wouldn't play with her when it was on.

"You see?" That other voice cut through Yurika's thoughts. "You see it don't you? You understand!" He hugged her Akito again, and Yurika felt her heart fall into her stomach.

"Oh thank you! Thank you for showing me the light!" Yurika shook her head. They were just comforting each other, that's all. 'Nothing to get afraid about, Yurika. Calm down.'

"Oh, you're welcome…" Yurika sighed. 'All this over anime?'

"How can they pick that over me in a kimono?" she whispered to herself, letting herself out of the room.

~*~

Akito was calming down, still sniffing and slowing his breath. Gai, blowing his nose, was putting his projector and tapes away in his "safe place," which was really just a shoebox lined with bubble wrap. For a while the room was pretty quiet, with Gai just humming the theme. Then his voice cut through the near-silence.

"So… Whadja think?"

"Huh?" Akito got so intense on concentrating on the silence; the question cut him off guard. "You mean, about Episode 27? Oh… Well… I hate it."

This answer hit Gai like a brick. "Huh!? What do you mean, 'I hate it'?!" 'That ungrateful little fry-cook, I'll never let him watch my tapes again…'

Akito looked down at his lap, his eyes tracing the veins on his hands that lazily rested there. "I hate it because… one of the heroes died."

"Duh! That's the point! It's plot, ya know?!"

"Well, yes, but… Did they have to kill off someone to make the story go on? If he hadn't died, would Gekiganger be over as we know it?"

"It made him a hero, Akito!"

"That's exactly why I don't like to fight!"

"Baka! You're just scared! You'd be a great pilot if you'd just shove your fear away!"

Akito was quiet. He didn't have any response. 'I'm scared because… I don't want to die. I really don't. Not as a hero, not as a victim, not at all. If people in anime die, then real people die. Oh, God, Akito, don't be an idiot, you know your parents are dead. I don't want to die…'

"Are you going to say anything?"

Akito placed his forehead in the heels of his hands, his fingers threading into his hair. "No." His voice was shaky, as if he was going to cry again. Gai's eyebrows knit together.

"… You okay?" Gai was almost afraid of the answer. 'Oh, crap, what if I made him cry?'

"… I'm afraid. You're right, Gai-san. I'm… scared. I'm scared shitless. That's why I'm a cook. Nothing but an insignificant cook. Just because I'm afraid to die." His voice faltered, but his head pulled up, his hands traveling over his face and stopping in prayer position at his mouth.

Gai sat down cross-legged on his futon. "But everybody dies. You just have to live your life so that when you die, people remember you, so you still live on. Get what I'm sayin'?"

"Yes, but that's what happened to my parents. They… They were scientists, working on what the called 'The Artifact' for Nergal. Then, I come home from saying goodbye to Yurika, and I find that their lab was destroyed. Blown up. Just because they knew things others didn't…"

Gai scratched his chin. "Doesn't sound like you're afraid of dying to me… Just afraid of being killed."

Akito looked at him again, for the first time seeing the caring person underneath the Gekiganger fan. But still, he continued. "You accept that everyone dies, even that you're going to die, but you're afraid of fighting, because you might die. But that's not it. You just want to be killed. Being what you call 'an insignificant cook' keeps you from that right?" He sat in silence for a bit, thinking. Akito couldn't even begin to guess what he was thinking.

Suddenly, a communications window opened, and Megumi's smiling face appeared. "We're entering the range of the third defense line! Pilots can now launch!" It disappeared just as suddenly, and Gai stood up. He walked as far as the turn-off to the door, before turning and looking at the Martian pilot.

"It's something of a shame. You have a lot of talent as a pilot. Hell, them back at the Kawasaki base woulda taken one look at your stats and put you in third year. Just, do me a favor. I'll go, but you watch Episode 27 again. This time, try to think of what you would prefer, dying old and wishing you had contributed a bit more to the war, or being killed knowing you were doing what was right." He gave him one more reassuring smile before leaving.

Akito thought a bit, mostly about his roommate's words, before venturing into the shoebox for the projector and the disk marked "Episode 27."

TBC…A/N: So, what did you think? Was it stupid? Did you like it? Should I be locked up? Review please! ^_^ I'll give you invisible candy if you do…