Naruto Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ U-ZU-MA-KI!!!! ❯ You Stole My Pants ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter One: You Stole My Pants.

KitsuneUzumaki: Hello! Welcome to hell!!!! Hehehe. Scared yet?

Naruto: Hell no they ain't! You're as scary as a box of cornflakes.

KitsuneUzumaki: And what the fuck does that mean? (Cornflakes? The hell?)

Naruto: That even a baby is scarier than you.

KitsuneUzumaki: O___O Hell yeah they're scary! All they do is shit! Oh, and for that… DISCLAIMER!

Naruto: ::Sigh:: "The all great Fanauthoress-sama does not own anything BUT a box of cornflakes, way too much manga, and too many Final Fantasy games to count."

KitsuneUzumaki: What's with the cornflakes?

Naruto: Your corny, and flaky. Cornflakes.

KitsuneUzumaki: …. On with the fic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

It was a fine day in the woods of Konohagakure, everything was-

Naruto: Sucking major ass.

Excuse me?

Naruto: The hell with that shit, it sucks. It's raining, Sasuke and Kakashi are late, and I'm here alone with Sakura.

Uh, I thought you WANTED that.

Naruto: Hell no! I finally realized……. ::Face gets wide, mouth scrunches up.:: That her hair is pink.

…… Ahem, as I was saying, it was a lovely-

Naruto: Cold, wet, sticky, gross, nasty, rainy day.

…. Fine. It was a humid day, and a refreshing drizzle wet-

Naruto: Refreshing!? DRIZZLE?! It's a friggin deluge! It's monsoon season and I'm up the creek without a paddle! It's-

Time for you to shut up. As I was saying, it was a groggy day in the world of Naruto, and-

Naruto: Ahem.

What now!?

Naruto: Nothing. I had a sore throat.

……………………… ……… The day that day-

Naruto: ::Snorts::

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!! WHERE'S THE OFF SWITCH!!!!!!!!????? I TRY to set the mood, but all I get is a little bitching brat!

Naruto: Hey! I am NOT a brat.

FINE! A bitching fox boy!!

Naruto: MUCH better.

Sakura: ::Has been standing there the whole time, as Naruto presumably has a conversation with "the happy people that know me.":: Um… Naruto….

Naruto: (Hey! Why can't she hear you?) ::Whispering::

Didn't you read in the colons? *Sigh* I'm one of those happy people in your head. And don't worry, I know you.

Naruto: Ohhhhh yeah. Hey, don't I take medicine for you?

… *Sigh* Remember? You didn't take it this morning, due to the fact you wanted to, oh what was it? Ah yes. "Lead an age of rebellion."

Naruto: I had chicken ramen yesterday, so I think I'll have oriental today…

GAHHHHHH! Are you even TRYING to listen to me?!

Naruto: Hey, if I PRETEND your not there, you'll go away.

You know what, I WILL leave. HAH! Take that!

Naruto: No burden on my soul.

Good! I didn't even WANT to be here.

Naruto: Yup. Glad I could help.

No! I did this on my own!

Naruto: Uh huh, now see ya.

………………………

Naruto: ……………..

……………

………………….GODDAMMIT! You love doing that, don't you?!

Naruto: Doing what?

Little hellion.

Naruto: Hey! Sasuke's here! ::Scampers off, Sakura following giddily and leaving the narrating voice all alone.::

::Long pause, rain is the only sound:: …..I hate my life…

Off with Naruto and company….

Sasuke: You can get off now… ::Shakes Sakura and Naruto off of his leg::

Naruto: Hah! See, I was practicing my new jutsu on you, and you didn't.even.notice. (Yes, he dragged that out on purpose.) ::Laughs::

Sasuke: Oh yeah? What's it called? Get-hard-on-my-rival's-leg no jutsu?

Naruto: O_O Did not!!!!!

Sasuke: Your "little friend" speaks otherwise.

Sakura: Te he! You go Sasuke! ::drool, dribble, ooze::

Sasuke: Uh, thanks… ::Shakes gooey Sakura off of arm::

Naruto: Ha ha! At least mine's not tiny.

Sasuke: And you think mine is?

Naruto: ::Gets demonic look, glances shiftily over at Sakura:: Dude, I know it is… ::Curls into his chest, purrs::

Kakashi: Ahhh… ::Sitting in tree:: And I was hoping that I still had him all to myself. Today I-

All four: ::Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura say it dully:: Strayed from the path of life….

Naruto: And my head found my book…

Sasuke: And got stuck there.

Kakashi: ::Sighs and hops out of tree, one eye fills with tears:: Alas, I could not read, for my Come Come Paradise was….. STOLEN!

Naruto: Nice sap story Sensei.

Kakashi: Yes, I know. I guess it all started "on that day five years ago"….

Hey! No cameos! Or at least not yet….

Kakashi: Oh. I can hear you too?

Yes. Now tell them their mission…..

Sakura: So what's the mission?

Naruto: Ohhh! Do we get to escort a daimyo???? Or save a princess?!

Kakashi: Nope. That's your mission.

Naruto: What is?

Sasuke: To find your damned book…. You have to be shitting me….

Kakashi: Weeeelllll, there is something else that's been stolen. But that's top secret. I won't tell. Nope.

Naruto: ::Wide eyes:: Do you got a picture of the perp?

Kakashi: Nope. To bad for you. But we do have a description….

And suddenly, a shuriken flew at their heads! WHHHOOSHHHH!!!!!

Naruto: You've gone nutty.

All cause o' you me love!

All: GASP!!!!

Mystery Ninja: Nyuk nyuk nyuk! I'll save ya the trouble of worrying your little heads! I'm-

And even more suddenly, a very worn out blonde man climbs up the tree next to hers.

Mystery Man: Ass…. Hole….. Give me back….. my…. MATERIA!!!!!! ::Lunges at her, misses and falls on ground::

Mystery Ninja: Nyuk nyuk nyuk! You'll have to find me if you want your stuff back! ::turns to leave, stops, turns around:: Oh, and if you wanted my name, it's the Great Ninja/materia hunter Yuffie!!!!!!!!!!! ::Smoke bomb explodes, all cough and hack::

Naruto: The little… Slut…. …. !!!!! Froggy? ::Checks backpack, gasps:: WAHHH! SHE STOLE MY FROGGY WALLET!!!!!

Sakura: O_O She stole my naked picture of Sasuke!

Sasuke: ……………… She stole my pants. ::Standing there, in truth, with just boxers and his shirt on. (Naruto: Wow, she really DID steal your pants!!!)::

Kakashi: Well, look on the bright side.

Three: And that is?

Kakashi: It's stopped raining. And she left this guy. You should be happy. ♥

Sasuke: Happy? HAPPY!? She fucking unclothed me!

Naruto: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! FROGGY!!!!!

Sakura: ::Pauses, looks at Sasuke. Pauses again, then slowly pulls out a digital camera:: I'm happy.

Kakashi: Good. You should be. ::Throws man over his shoulder, hand RIGHT on his ass::

Mystery Man: No… No touchy…….

Kakashi: ::Gives a creepy smile and dismisses it by waving his hand. Come to think of it, how could he give a creepy smile? Why am I even asking? (Naruto: Because you're dumb) Shut up…:: Oh your delirious. We'll get him to the medics.

At the medics…..

Tsunade: ::Wipes forehead with the back of her hand, gives a proud smile:: He'll wake up soon.

Naruto: What the hell did we need her for? And what the hell was wrong with him?????

Tsunade: Well, after he lunged at our thief and hit the ground, he dislocated a major body part.

Naruto: Uhhh…. Where?

Tsunade: Um…. Let's forget about that. (In other words, think Rurouni Kenshin) He was also experiencing trauma, probably because of Kakashi. What did he do?

Sasuke: Touched his ass, then his cock on the way here, and if that wasn't enough, attempted a flat out French kiss on him. Scary stuff.

Tsunade: ::Sighs disapprovingly:: I agree wholeheartedly. Kakashi doing that to me would scare me too… Oh look, he's getting up now.

Mystery Man: ::Bleary eyed, looks around, then eyes settle on the boobs right in his face:: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! IT'S TIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IN THE TIFA SHELTER!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! ::Hides under sheets. You know the funniest part? He covers his head but not his butt::

All four: ::Stare.::

Mystery Man: ::Head pokes out, pout on his face:: I know you're staring at my ass, and if you don't stop, I'll shove my foot up yours…

Naruto: Who… The hell ARE you?

Mystery Man: I'm Cloud.

Naruto: Hey cool! I'm-

Cloud: I don't care.

Naruto: ::Crestfallen. Hah! Like he knows what that means…:: H-hey!!!! NO ONE DISHONORS THE SOON TO BE-

Sasuke: So, you're chasing her too?

Cloud: Are you talking to me?

Sasuke: Are you intelligent?

Cloud: Smarter than the other blonde.

Sasuke: Than yes, I am talking to you.

Cloud: And yes, I'm chasing her.

Sakura: Now that were all giving names, I-

Cloud: If I didn't care what blondie said, why would I care what you had to say?

Naruto: IT'S NA-RU-TO! U-ZU-MA-KI!!!!!!

Cloud: …………. Riiiiiiiighhht.

Tsunade: ::Has been standing this whole time, wondering who the fuck Tifa is, and that she might have bigger tits then herself:: Uh… Is it just me or… Is the Uchiha not wearing pants…

Sasuke: No. I have to steal them back.

Tsunade: And you plan doing that… Without pants.

Sasuke: It's one hardship I have to deal with.

Tsunade: ::Thinking:: I knew the Uchiha was a fucked up clan…

Cloud: Hey, I feel great. So I'll be leaving now… ::Stands up, tries to move to door, VERY loud crack:: Uggggghhh…. Dislocated groin……….

Sasuke: And I was hoping he was smarter than Naruto…. ::Shakes head::

Naruto: What the fuck does THAT mean!?

Kakashi: ::Sighs:: Here we go again….

Sasuke: I said, "I was hoping he's smarter than Naruto." And he is. I give him a thumbs up. Though it's not hard to be smarter than you.

Naruto: YOU! ME! NOW!!!!

Sasuke: I hope you mean fighting…

Naruto: ::Sweatdrop, scratches back of head with a blush:: Heh heh heh… What else would I, uh, mean?

Sasuke: ::Shakes head and shudders:: Let's pretend you didn't say that.

The group then leaves to the roof, so Naruto can vent all his pent up love by beating on Sasuke. The-

Naruto: What the hell!? Pent up love!?

Yes. Now, as I was saying…

Naruto: AW HELL NO!

::Sigh:: Are you going to continue interrupting me, or can I forget you said all of that and NOT put this collar on you.

Naruto: What does it do? ::Scratching head::

Every time you talk out, I shock you.

Naruto: …………………….

I thought so. So the group moved (except Cloud, he kind of wormed his way there) to the roof. Yes. The top of the building.

Naruto: I must warn you though. I have no control over myself when I see the Sharingan.

Sasuke: …. Whatever…..

KitsuneUzumaki: Will Sasuke beat Naruto? Will Naruto beat the shit out of Sasuke's pants less ass? Why am I asking the readers? Why is Cloud in this??

Cloud: Because you're obsessed with me.

KitsuneUzumaki: Ahh well, you're SOOO pretty. ::Glomps him::

Naruto: Auuugh… I'm hungry…..

KitsuneUzumaki: Please review!

Naruto: And send ramen!!!!

Cloud: ::Sighs:: Don't even try. People who go to Mediaminer have never heard of reviews….

KitsuneUzumaki: BUT I MUST TRRRRYYYYY!!!!!! ……. Oh, and the cornflakes thing, inside joke.