Naruto Fan Fiction / Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ Every Light on this Path is For You ❯ Influences ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: The characters, items, places etc of Naruto are property of Masashi Kishimoto. These objects are used without permission for entertainment only, not for making money. No infringement is intended.

Chapter 8: Influences

Itachi's mind was a mess.

That was an understatement, really. Itachi was certain that if everything kept up like this, his head was going to explode. He desperately needed to straighten out his thoughts and arrange them in a semblance of order, but he found it almost impossible.

Perfection or Deidara. He did not want to lose his boyfriend- asking him to leave had been awful, especially when it really was the last thing he wanted. But he couldn't handle the pressure he felt like he was under to change. No-one had made him feel that way but himself, but he was quite aware right then of his mind's ability to twist things against him.

Deidara, obviously, didn't want to talk about it. Itachi didn't blame him in the slightest, because truthfully he didn't want to talk about it either. He wanted to go back to that morning, when they'd been so close and connected in the very spot they were right now, without a single care in the world but that shared moment.

It would be inappropriate for him to initiate such contact right then- he knew that, but there must be something he could do.

"Deidara?" He murmured, his voice stronger now he had calmed slightly. "Why don't we go and see a movie?"

Deidara stiffened beneath his embrace and Itachi felt like he had been stuck with a knife. The guy was hanging on tenterhooks, waiting for the decision on their relationship and Itachi was asking him out on a date. Itachi found himself laughing- really laughing, causing Deidara to break free and shift around to face him in confusion.

"Deidara," he breathed through his chuckles. "I- you-"

He couldn't speak, almost choking as he attempted to breathe through his mirth. Deidara was looking confused, frightened almost in fact- it was hilarious to Itachi, who put a hand to his mouth in an attempt to smother his completely inappropriate amusement.

"You've flipped," Deidara finally muttered. "Itachi, I think you need to see a doctor or something, yeah. You're crazy."

"Okay, no movie," Itachi forced out. "Something else then?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I haven't got a clue," Itachi told him quite truthfully, the laughter dying away in his throat with the words. He now knew the cause of it- laugh or cry, and now the latter threatened. "I don't want to think about this anymore. I just don't want to care anymore about any of it."

"Then don't."

"It isn't that easy."

"The answer to this whole thing is very simple," Deidara sighed, pulling himself into a sitting position with a heavy sigh. "Stop trying to be imperfect, but also stop trying to be perfect too. Be a mix of both, yeah."

"Like Sasuke," Itachi murmured, thinking back to his observation in the arcade. "My father, though-"

"Forget that for now," Deidara said hurriedly. "Keep the things that matter to him perfect until you can summon the courage to talk to him about it, yeah."

"What? I'm not going to do that!"

"You should. For now though, if it's around me or Sasuke, stop worrying. If it's at college or for your father, then sure, be all perfect. But only temporarily, yeah. You're biting off more than you can chew right now- and you know what?"

"What?" Itachi asked, his tone wary when he noticed the slightly sympathetic look Deidara was giving him.

"I wasn't joking about seeing a doctor."

"How does that work?" Itachi asked rhetorically. "Hi, I'm Itachi and I'm too perfect? Fix me?"

"Pretty much just like that, yeah. He might be able to prescribe something to take the edge off the anxiety, or give you some therapy to re-train the way your mind works."

Itachi wanted to say 'I can handle it', but he'd made it quite apparent by now that he couldn't, so he simply said nothing.

"Will you go and see a doctor, Itachi?"

"I will," Itachi finally agreed quietly. Even if the idea sounded absurd, he couldn't turn it down. Deidara looked so hopeful when he asked- and besides, at this stage anything was worth a shot, right?

"What are you most afraid of?"

The question took Itachi by surprise and he thought for a moment, able to come up with the answer easily.

"Being perceived as imperfect."

"By?"

"Anyone. My father especially."

"Why does it matter so much?"

"It just does."

"And how much do you want it to not matter?"

"More than I can say," Itachi whispered. "I want us to work out, Deidara. I don't want you to leave."

"I had no intentions of doing so," Deidara told him with a sly wink. "I'm not giving up on you that easily, yeah. You knew you failed that exam, didn't you?"

"It would have been hard to pass when I missed most of it," Itachi murmured, a little shamed. "I fell asleep studying in the library."

Deidara pointed at him accusingly. "I knew you should have been sleeping!"

"Yes, I learnt a lesson from that. I missed two thirds of the allotted time."

"And you still managed sixty-four percent?" Deidara looked impressed. "You'll have no problems with the re-sit, then. You should have come and spoken to me instead of disappearing though- you're trying to do something difficult, and you're not coming to me for the support I told you I would give, yeah."

"I know."

"So I'm going to force my support on you," Deidara informed him cheerily. "I saw those photos Sasuke took in the arcade, yeah. I know you're capable of trying."

"He took photos?" Itachi repeated, eyes wide in shock. "That was a rare flash of courage born of watching Sasuke be the person I want to be, alright?"

"You want to be like Sasuke?" Deidara queried, clearly unimpressed. "We're trying to get your over your problems, not transform you into a jackass."

"You and Sasuke have been getting on just fine lately," Itachi pointed out swiftly. "And I mean that he's good at a lot of things, and he doesn't stress about the things he isn't or when he makes a mistake."

"That's what a normal person does, yeah."

"We've established neither of us are normal, Deidara."

"Why am I abnormal?!"

Itachi indicated the clock behind him, still sporting googly eyes. "My clock," he said flatly. "My computer mouse. You broke my entire house once for an art project. You stuck googly eyes on a traffic light. You stood out in a storm-"

"Alright, fine," Deidara muttered irritably. "But I don't want to change those things. I feel like I've lost sight of myself lately as it is, yeah. I want to be more like those days again."

A tiny grin spread across Itachi's lips. "Alright," he agreed. "I need to relax and you want to be more artistic again. I think I know just the thing for both of us."

"I never thought you would be the one to suggest this, yeah," Deidara pointed out, admiring his handiwork as he snapped a photo with his sadly-neglected camera. Itachi stood as his side, nodding his approval as well.

"It's surprisingly cathartic," he noted. "I can see the appeal."

They were standing on the corner of their street, eying the row of cars they had just placed googly eyes on. Deidara was more creative than Itachi, decorating the side mirrors on some cars and even climbing onto the roof of one to plaster eyes to the sunroof.

Itachi had been quick to point out they were in danger of setting off alarms, calmly placing eyes on just the bumpers and suddenly feeling like a schoolchild again.

It was immature and normally he wouldn't be caught doing such acts- he had chastised Deidara for doing so, even- and yet here he was, in his element. It wasn't a perfect act, but it wasn't an imperfect one either. It was just two guys having some harmless, albeit a little intrusive, fun.

"Should we take them off again?"

"Nah," Deidara shrugged. "They pull off easily without damaging the paint. Leave them for the owners- they might like them, yeah."

"We're out of eyes," Itachi sighed, looking a little downcast. "Now what?"

"This," Deidara replied, pushing Itachi up against the wall they were standing near and kissing him furiously. Itachi attempted to struggle for only a moment before letting himself melt into it, aware that they still hadn't come clean with the world at large about their relationship.

Itachi knew people on their street and if anyone of them saw...

"Itachi?"

"Mm?"

"I love you, yeah."

Itachi closed his eyes in sheer, utter joy. "I love you too," he murmured, allowing himself to be kissed once more without any fuss. It was a surprisingly convincing method of persuasion.

A car beeped from behind them and they both jumped, turning to see who was occupying it. Itachi realised with a start that it was a very familiar car, with a very familiar looking driver.

"Dad?" He uttered in shock, slipping out of Deidara's grasp almost guiltily.

"You," Fugaku pointed to Deidara. "I would like a word regarding what we discussed earlier."

Itachi narrowed in eyes in bewilderment, glancing across to his partner for an explanation. Deidara didn't give one however, nodding his agreement and getting into the car as indicated.

"You can walk home," Fugaku told Itachi when he stepped forward to do the same. "And wait outside until we're done, son."

His voice wasn't malicious and Itachi was in too much shock to do anything but nod dumbly in agreement, watching the car as it drove off towards his house. He blinked a few times, feeling a little unsteady on his feet as he began the short walk as requested. Today really was a day full of surprises.

Deidara allowed himself to be led inside his home, feeling very awkward under Fugaku's gaze. He had never met the man in person, only glimpsed him from the tree when he was shut outside like Itachi was about to be, but something radiating from him commanded respect and Deidara was happy to give it if it meant an easy life.

"About my son," Fugaku said when they were seated opposite one another on the table, two coffees in front of them that Deidara had tentatively offered. "What were you talking about on the phone?"

"Itachi has a perfection complex," Deidara clarified once more. "He seems to think that if he isn't perfect all the time you'll hate him, yeah."

Fugaku sighed lengthily, looking the slightest bit troubled. "I'm sure Sasuke is quick to mention I'm not the most perfect parent, am I correct?"

Deidara averted his eyes, not wishing to say that Fugaku was right.

"By the time I realised my mistake with Sasuke, he was too old to care anymore," Fugaku explained after a moment. "I don't want to make the same mistake with Itachi. I'm very proud of him and I've always rewarded him positively to keep his confidence up, but he's never given me any reason to do anything else. Had he failed at something I wouldn't have berated him."

"He insinuated he was ignored for doing badly."

Fugaku laughed at that, shaking his head slowly. "Itachi isn't bad at things," he said simply. "I think his mind has worked up its own punishment for something that hasn't even had the chance to happen. If he did well he got positive reinforcement and a reward and he did well all of the time."

Deidara sipped his coffee, using it as a cover since he was unsure of what to say.

"I'm not a perfect parent," Fugaku repeated once more. "I won't claim that. I've done many things badly but in the years since my children moved out, I've begun to miss their presence- even Sasuke, for all his distaste for me. I'm still a busy man but I'm getting old, boy. I've cut my hours down so I have more time for them these days, but neither of them have been interested."

"The reason Itachi cut his contact with you right down is because you'd encourage him to be perfect," Deidara told Fugaku quietly, feeling guilty for laying everything that bothered his boyfriend about his father directly on the man. "The last call you shared, you told him not to seek relationships and to concentrate on his academics, yeah."

"I did. I've always encouraged him to excel because he appeared to thrive on it."

Deidara blinked a couple of times- that was why? "You don't care if he fails?"

"I wouldn't go that far. I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't scold him for it. Certainly not at his age, too."

"What about Sasuke?" Deidara asked, figuring while he was in such a conversation, he may as well throw a line to the younger Uchiha who had helped him earlier that day.

"Sasuke is a worry," Fugaku admitted. "He's falling off the rails completely and has been for a while now. I told Itachi as much last time we spoke. I reinstated his money so he could quit that job of his last month in time for his new year in college, but I got a call today to say he's already suspended! For fighting- honestly, I have no idea what to say to the boy. He refuses to listen to me."

Deidara was aware that somewhere in the conversation he appeared to have become a venting post for his partner's father. He let it happen, hesitating on whether to indicate what had happened with Itachi and deciding he may as well. Perhaps Itachi would get to experience face to face his father's reaction to failure.

"Itachi was involved in that fight as well," he murmured quietly. "He was protecting Sasuke by restraining the guy, yeah. He's suspended too."

Fugaku stared at Deidara in disbelief for a moment before exhaling lengthily. "I see."

"He failed an exam," Deidara continued, figuring he might as well get everything out in the open.

"Can he re-sit it?"

"Yeah."

"What caused him to fail? Lack of study?"

"Not at all!" Deidara replied firmly. "He was waking up at two am to study, yeah. He was so tired he fell asleep in the library before the exam and missed an hour of it. He still managed sixty-four percent in the remaining time."

As an afterthought, he decided to add something Itachi would probably be angry for, but that Deidara felt was necessary to come clean about. "And you know what? He hates studying law, yeah."

"So what you're saying is he's a mess?" Fugaku sighed, resting an elbow on the table and his chin in his palm. For a moment Deidara was reminded of Itachi- they had the same posture when sitting, for a start.

"I guess you could say that, yeah. I honestly think if you tell him he doesn't have to be so perfect all the time that'll he'll begin to feel better, though. He's so afraid of disappointing you and losing your love."

"Even Sasuke hasn't lost my love," Fugaku chuckled. "Has Itachi ever mentioned his relationship with my wife?"

"He said things weren't great because she favoured Sasuke," Deidara said bluntly, deciding that tact held no place in the current conversation.

"That's correct. Do you understand why that happened?"

The question sounded rhetorical, but Deidara slowly shook his head anyway.

"Because I, unfortunately, devoted a lot of time to Itachi, Mikoto dedicated her time to Sasuke," Fugaku explained. "As I said, I did realise after a while what had happened but it was too late. Mikoto loves Itachi just as much as Sasuke but just like with me, when she attempted to fix things Itachi was resistant."

"I think he'll appreciate having all this out in the open," Deidara remarked after a moment of contemplation between them.

"I think so too, boy. Before we call him inside however- tell me about yourself. I hear you're an artist."

"That's right, yeah."

"It's such a fickle area of expertise. It's awfully unstable, don't you think?"

Deidara shrugged, feeling a little more uncomfortable now the subject had turned to himself. "It's more of a hobby than a career move, yeah."

"What do you plan to do for a career?"

Deidara thought about that for a moment before finally shrugging in defeat. "I honestly don't know. I haven't thought that far about it, yeah. I think I'm just hoping maybe one day something will come of the art. I had a scholarship for a great art college, but I turned it down to stay here with Itachi."

"Which college?"

"Derwent. It's a long way away."

"I'm aware of it- impressive. Have you considered applying for a place at Stanford College in the next town over?"

"I had a scholarship there as well but..." Deidara struggled to articulate what had happened, sighing as he settled on a simple sum up of events. "I messed them around a bit and they withdrew it, yeah."

"Mikoto works for the local education board," Fugaku replied thoughtfully. "Perhaps it would help build some bridges all around if I dropped your name into her lap regarding Stanford?"

Deidara's eyes widened in shock as he almost choked on the last of his coffee. "Really?"

"I can't make any promises, boy. I want a promise out of you, though."

"What's that?"

"You won't intentionally hurt my son."

"I never would," Deidara replied firmly. "I really care for him."

"I'm not happy about him being in a relationship," Fugaku sighed after a moment's thought. "Don't look at me like that, boy, it isn't your gender- I'm not that shallow. I worry he'll lose sight of his goals in life because that's exactly what I did."

Deidara's ears pricked up at the new piece of information. "That's why you kept steering him into a career?"

"I was in my late twenties when I met Mikoto," Fugaku explained. "She was in her early twenties. We fell for one another, ran away and eloped in secret from our families- within months she was pregnant. It all went very fast and I threw away my career in the police force for a family. I regret the loss of my career even now, but I wouldn't change having my boys for anything."

"You won't have to worry about family with Itachi," Deidara pointed out, a good natured smile on his lips. The conversation was a lot more comfortable than he thought it was going to be, but he couldn't help but fret about Itachi- outside and probably worrying himself sick.

"I would like grandchildren," Fugaku replied pointedly. "But I will leave that in Sasuke's hands when the time is right. When Mikoto fell pregnant with Sasuke, I had already entered the business world. I stayed there rather than pursuing my goal as a policeman because Mikoto worried for my safety- it wasn't fair on the boys, either."

They lapsed into silence, leaving Deidara to glance towards the door nervously. As he was about to suggest they go and get Itachi, Fugaku spoke once more.

"I recognise you. You were sitting in Itachi's tree the other day with Sasuke."

Deidara paled slightly- he'd forgotten about that stunt.

"You agreed you were Sasuke's girlfriend," Fugaku continued, one eyebrow raised in question. "You do look rather feminine with your hair like that, but I can clearly see now that not only are you a male, you're attached to my eldest, not my youngest."

"That's a long story," Deidara lied swiftly, not wishing to comment that he'd lied to save himself a potential beating had Fugaku's reaction to the relationship been a bad one.

Fugaku didn't push the subject, rising to a stand instead. "Tell me another time," he suggested, much to Deidara's relief. "For now, why don't we go and see what my son is up to and put him out of his misery?"

Chapter End