Naruto Fan Fiction / Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ Every Light on this Path is For You ❯ Almost ( Chapter 15 )

Disclaimer: The characters, items, places etc of Naruto are property of Masashi Kishimoto. These objects are used without permission for entertainment only, not for making money. No infringement is intended.

Chapter 15: Almost

"Hey, Itachi?"

Itachi, who had been in a world of his own, turned to Deidara curiously. "What is it?"

"I want to test something."

"Oh?"

Itachi was wary of that idea. Deidara was never one to be trusted, especially with such words. They were out in the local town at Deidara's request, wishing to spend an afternoon together seeing a movie and browsing the local shops.

Things 'normal' people their age did, he had said. Itachi had been quick to remind him neither of them were normal, but he'd driven them anyway.

"You've been much better lately," Deidara continued. "With the perfection thing and all. But you know- I'm not convinced you're better, yeah."

"Of course I'm not," Itachi replied with a frown. "I can't erase something I've been doing for a long time quickly."

"You promised me you'd see a doctor."

Itachi faltered, turning his attention back to the window display he had been looking at. "I did?" He replied lamely, knowing full well that he had done.

"Don't give me that, yeah. I'm sure it would really help you if you did."

"I can manage," Itachi protested lightly. "Honestly, I can."

"Okay," Deidara replied slowly. "Your first class at college tomorrow. I want you to leave and come and find me- I'll be in the library since I'm free tomorrow morning, yeah."

"Sure," Itachi agreed without missing a beat, despite his mind screaming 'no!' at him.

"Good. Then we're going to skip for the day. That's alright?"

"Mm," Itachi nodded once more. The voice in his mind was steadily getting louder, yet he still ignored it.

Deidara beamed at him. "I'm glad. When we've successfully skipped, do you know what we're going to do?"

"I'm sure you're about to tell me, right?"

"We're going to do something artistic," Deidara nodded. "I'm glad that's settled. Can we go to the art shop now? I need some new brushes."

Itachi followed wordlessly, wondering what exactly had gone wrong in the last minute that had led him to agreeing to something he really, really did not want to do. He could try to argue that it would hurt him academically, but Deidara would laugh in his face.

Realistically, the only thing bothering him about the plan was that it involved being seen as imperfect. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he needed to rid himself of such ways of thinking- especially when they were planning on leaving the college within the next month. His studies were effectively worthless, but he still wanted to do them. Doing anything less felt like failure.

"Itachi?"

He snapped out of his thoughts, turning back to Deidara. His partner was looking awfully smug- like he expected Itachi to back out, proving he did need the doctor's visit for a little help. Steeling himself, he met his eye calmly and indifferently.

"Brushes, was it?" He asked, keeping his voice neutral.

Deidara grinned. "That's the one."

At ten to nine the following morning, Itachi was left with a dilemma. So far he had come up with three options- go to class and ignore Deidara, which he wasn't fond of. Go to class and leave, which he also wasn't fond of.

Hidden option number three seemed more and more appealing- hide until about half past nine, then find Deidara and pretend he had left his class. It was ingenious, and he felt a little proud of himself for thinking it.

"Itachi."

He turned to the call, seeing Sasuke approaching him with what looked like a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"I had a chat with Deidara last night."

Itachi kept his cool, raising an eyebrow in question. "Oh?"

"He tells me you're supposed to be executing a plan today."

Mentally, Itachi cursed that Deidara and Sasuke were getting on well enough to not only hold a civil conversation, but to now gang up on him.

"I see," he murmured.

"So I'm here to walk you to class," Sasuke concluded.

"I'm twenty two- don't you think I'm past the stage of needing an escort?" Itachi tried, but Sasuke simply grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hall without another word.

"A certain kid has been very good with me the past week," Sasuke remarked conversationally. "He looks almost frightened of me. What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do a thing," Itachi lied right away.

"Right. You hit him, didn't you?"

"No."

"Threatened him?"

"I did nothing, Sasuke."

"Lying is an imperfection."

Itachi laughed slightly at that. "I don't care about that anymore, remember?"

It was Sasuke's turn to laugh. "You and I both know it isn't that easy. Which room is your class?"

"I can't remember," Itachi remarked with a hint of a smile on his face. Sasuke glared at him and simply wrenched his brother's bag from his shoulder, pulling out the schedule instead to find the answer.

"I'll see you later," he remarked sweetly as he pulled open the correct door a minute later, physically pushing Itachi inside and closing the door.

The teacher gave him a nod of hello, leaving Itachi to take his seat and sigh heavily. Perhaps he really did need that doctor's visit after all.

As expected of himself, he stayed the full lesson. He did not leave lessons. He'd hated doing it the two times he had done so, and he didn't plan to make a habit of it.

Of course, that meant he was going to suffer Deidara's wrath, leaving him to practically throw his stuff in his bag and walk as fast as he could without being accused of running in the halls towards the library.

Deidara was seated near the door, looking unimpressed when Itachi fell through the door to greet him.

"You didn't leave," he stated flatly.

"I'm here now, right?" Itachi replied, trying to cover his indiscretion.

"That's not the point, yeah. Strike one."

"Strike... one?" Itachi echoed slowly.

"Three strikes," Deidara replied, holding three fingers up to emphasise. "This week, you get three chances. If you screw up three times, you have to see the doctor. Give me your schedule."

Itachi handed it over without complaint, knowing from Sasuke's example it would be wrenched from him otherwise.

"Your next class is after morning break," Deidara replied, handing it back. "We'll try this again then, yeah. Did you happen to bump into Sasuke at all?"

"I did. What a co-incidence."

Deidara gave him a saccharine smile, standing and gathering his things. "I have a class now," he remarked. "But I'm free when you have your lesson, so we're going to do the same thing again, yeah. See you then."

He brushed past Itachi, one hand clasping his hand gently and discreetly as he went. Itachi smiled a little at the hidden contact, taking the seat his partner had just vacated.

He had to leave the lesson as instructed, else he'd get another strike against his name. He almost laughed at the whole childish concept, but something about it made him feel quite sombre. It was Deidara's way of saying that he cared, and that he wanted to see Itachi overcome the thing plaguing him.

Deidara was trying to set him free. Itachi couldn't help but feel humbled at the thought, unable to concentrate on doing any work as he attempted to come up with a way to force himself to do as asked.

Did it matter if he left the class for a subject he was planning on dropping, and showing imperfections to people he would probably never see again soon?

He exhaled, feeling melancholy at his mind's reply. The answer was still yes, even after all this time. The thought sobered him further, leaving him staring the blank piece of paper in front of him instead of studying right up until the bell chimed distantly from the hall, signalling mid morning break.

He stayed where he was, seeing no reason to move. It was only fifteen minutes and he had nothing better to do with his time, after all. He and Deidara rarely managed to get together for it, since they would spend most of it looking for one another if they did.

He glanced up a couple of minutes later as someone placed a paper cup of coffee in front of him, seeing Sasuke seat himself opposite.

"You're still here," he remarked.

"I am," Itachi replied bleakly. "Thanks."

"I really dislike so much prolonged contact with Deidara," Sasuke told him firmly. "But I received a text from him in some kind of butchered version of the English language that I need you to translate."

He held his phone out to emphasise, subjecting Itachi to the message. Itachi had to laugh, wondering where on earth his boyfriend's usual reasonably articulate manner disappeared to when confronted with a mobile phone.

He had demanded Itachi turn the predictive texting function off, leaving him to type as he saw fit. As a result, the text read 'he ddnt lve gt rdy 2 try agn aftr brk'.

"What in the hell does it say?" Sasuke asked.

"Summed up, it says you're seventeen and you should understand how to read text talk," Itachi smirked.

"I have no desire to learn such a useless function. What does it say, Itachi?"

"It says I failed to leave and you need to once again escort me to class like a five year old," Itachi remarked bitterly, pushing the phone and offending semi-words away. "You don't have to, Sasuke. I don't need a babysitter, especially not my little brother."

"You know we're doing it because we care?" Sasuke replied after a moment's contemplation. "You could get out of this right now if you just made the doctor's appointment."

"I don't need it. Besides, I'd have no idea what to say."

"Then take one of us with you. We can talk for you."

"No."

Sasuke got up and left without another word, leaving Itachi feeling like he'd done or said something terribly wrong. He eyed the coffee in front of him, putting one hand to the side of it experimentally.

It had cooled slightly- Sasuke had clearly picked it up earlier so it would be drinkable before the break was over. He smiled to himself, hiding it behind the paper cup. He was lucky to have people who cared so much, he knew that.

He paused mid-sip, the smile turning into a knowing smirk. If he couldn't ask to leave the class without reason, then he would have to simply give himself a reason.

He took the coffee with him to the class- perfectly acceptable, considering they were tutored as young adults and treated as such. It didn't surprise him that Sasuke was leaning against the wall outside the room- he'd probably made a mental note of the room number when he'd had Itachi's schedule earlier, just in case.

Itachi regarded him with a single nod before entering the room, not liking the disappointed look he had been given in response. Setting the cup down, he set a hand to the side of it periodically until it was cool. Testing it with a sip, he hesitated for a moment before he 'accidently' dropped it on himself.

Trading one imperfection for another- at least this one could be construed as an accident, he mused as he studied his soaked shirt and jeans. The teacher cast one glance to him with an amused eyebrow raised, chuckling to himself.

"It's rare to see you so clumsy," he noted, opening the draw on his desk and pulling out a wrapped stack of paper towels. "Here."

Itachi took them and cleaned the floor up, ignoring the stares of other students. Deep down he knew that in reality, this was probably worse than making up excuses and leaving. He pushed it aside, concentrating on the coffee-covered floor instead.

Once he had cleaned up, he got permission to go home and change, neatly sliding his bag over his shoulder and making a hasty exit. He made his way to the library, feeling rather like an idiot but free.

Pushing open the door, he locked eyes with Deidara, eyes narrowed in annoyance at his current state. His partner took one look at him and attempted to smother his laughter, earning glares from other people studying in the area.

Itachi glared at him and stepped back outside, scowling to himself. Why did all the ideas he came up with always make things worse for himself?

"What happened to you?" Deidara asked, still laughing as he joined Itachi's side. "Or don't I want to ask?"

"Coffee," Itachi told him firmly. "We're going home."

"Of course we are," Deidara replied smoothly. "We're skipping, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Itachi replied flatly. "What did you have planned?"

"Art," Deidara replied easily. "You just need to drive- let me handle the rest."

After one quick divert home, Itachi found himself following his rarely used sat nav to a location Deidara had entered. He had made no indication regarding where it was, what it was, or indeed any details at all beyond 'just drive, yeah'.

Itachi, who was getting rather fed up with being told what to do, lamented that the model of sat nav he had been given as a gift by his father didn't show how long the projected journey would take. Deidara had just told him to keep his eye on the road and stop worrying, looking far too excited about something.

Of course he was, Itachi reasoned. It was something artistic, which was the only detail he knew.

He recognised the roads he was driving through, frowning in confusion as the sat nav told him to head to the seafront of the small seaside town he had retreated to many times before. He hadn't been allowed to see what Deidara had put in, being left only to follow the instructions.

"You have arrived."

Itachi glanced at the sat nav, the pleasant female voice that had narrated him to where he was taking him by surprise.

"Here?" He asked, turning to Deidara.

"Park the car, yeah."

Itachi did as requested, confused as Deidara took him by the hand and led him down onto the sandy beach. The weather had been more pleasant, leaving the sand dry as Itachi tentatively put one foot to it. Deidara bounded across it without caution, earning a grimace from his partner.

"My car is going to get covered in sand," he weakly protested.

"I'll vacuum it. Come on!"

"What about my shoes?" Itachi muttered, finally stepping onto the sand lightly to minimise the damage.

He hadn't minded having to get covered in sand when Sasuke and he were younger, but now he was a grown adult. Sand was now banished from his life, along with crayons, silly string and dressing up in stupid clothes.

"I put something in the back of the car," Deidara told him, holding his hand out for the keys. "Stay here."

"Do I have to?" Itachi asked, finding himself ignored while Deidara jogged away across the sand.

It left Itachi to glance around, the sound of arcade jingles emanating around him as he tried to work out what Deidara had planned. All that surrounded him as an expanse of sand, sea and pebbles.

He assumed Deidara had a sketchbook in the car, because nothing else made sense. He tried to think anyway, knowing nothing was ever that straightforward with his boyfriend.

By the time Deidara returned and handed him a stick that looked as though it might have been taken from the tree in his front garden, Itachi was still thoroughly confused. The stick wasn't helping matters.

"Draw," was all Deidara told him, putting his own stick to the sandy floor and taking off in a run, drawing a line in the sand as he went. Itachi watched him, feeling awkward as he set his own stick to the floor and drew a tentative circle.

Deidara had stopped running, drawing something in the sand with flare Itachi loved to see. Every movement he made was graceful as he carved lines, shapes and everything in-between into the sandy canvas, stepping aside every now and then as his image grew larger.

Itachi looked back down at his own single circle, feeling rather stupid. Deidara wanted him to express himself, but he had absolutely no idea how. Art wasn't his forte, and neither was general expression.

He followed the line Deidara had drawn to his partner, earning a glance as the artist halted in his art to look at him.

"What are you expecting from me?" Itachi asked.

"Just draw what comes to mind," Deidara suggested. "You have thirty seconds to start before I throw you in the sea, yeah."

He would do it, too. Itachi hurriedly jogged away, setting the stick down as he did so and following Deidara's example, letting it drag in the sand as he picked up the pace a little. He eventually swung it around in front of him, jumping over the line he had drawn in his way and stopping, allowing the line to become a crude 'v' to signify a bird.

It still just looked like a line in the sand to him, despite his mind knowing what it was supposed to be. He set the stick down again a few paces away, writing his own name instead. He stared at it for a moment before crossing a line through it with a short laugh, throwing the stick down and sitting on the sand with no regard for how much he would complain later about it getting everywhere.

He wasn't an artist. No matter how much Deidara wanted him to be, or maybe even expected him to be, he wasn't and that wasn't going to change any time soon.

He picked up the stick again, lightly stabbing at the sand to his side and carving out a rough heart shape. Once again he crossed a line through it, feeling ridiculous. Next to it, he attempted another line bird, glancing up as a shadow fell over him.

"I have no idea what you want me to do," he snapped at Deidara, who settled himself down next to him wordlessly.

"Who says I was expecting anything at all?" Deidara replied softly, taking the stick from him and clasping his hand. "I wanted to come, yeah. I just wanted you with me and I thought you'd enjoy the freedom."

Itachi narrowed his eyes curiously. "Really?"

"I know you're not an artist," Deidara shrugged. "And I know you've had a tough time lately and could do with a break. This way, I get to do something artistic and you get some time to relax, yeah. I was hoping you might release some of that tension by drawing, but I guess I can't have everything."

Itachi suddenly felt rather stupid. "Oh," he murmured.

"I did want you to do all that stuff this morning though," Deidara continued. "I appreciate your efforts, but I still think you need to see the doctor. If throwing coffee down yourself is preferable to any other option to leave a class that isn't even mandatory, you have issues."

Itachi laughed at that, a sad smile on his face as he set one finger to the sand. "I know I have issues," he remarked. "That's been the theme of the last few months, right?"

"Sasuke came to me a couple of days ago when I was in the library," Deidara said quietly, peaking Itachi's attention. "He had some stuff printed out about other people with perfection complexes and how they dealt with them. That kid loves you, Itachi. He wants to see you get better."

Itachi felt a little ashamed, idly drawing patterns in the sand with his finger and not meeting Deidara's eye.

"One of the things that came up a lot was cognitive behaviour therapy," Deidara continued. "It sounds like it would really help you, yeah. You just need to speak to your doctor and get a referral."

"So what you're both saying is, despite my efforts, you still think I'm crazy and need help?" Itachi summed up bluntly.

"You aren't crazy," Deidara corrected. "If you are, then so am I, so is Sasuke and so is the rest of the world. Just because you have a problem with something doesn't mean you're crazy."

He stilled Itachi's drawing hand, pulling it away and indicating the patterns. There was no order to them, mostly just lines and shapes, but Deidara seemed impressed regardless.

"You can express yourself," he pointed out. "You don't even realise you're doing it, yeah. You're confused- everything's all muddled up in your mind." He pointed to the heart and Itachi's name, both with strikes through.

"You aren't happy with who you are right now, even after all progress you've made. You're not perfect enough, you're not imperfect enough, you're not this, that, whatever."

"I'll make an appointment," Itachi agreed lowly. "Thank you."

"Your brother owes me," Deidara laughed, getting up and putting a hand on Itachi's shoulder. "Relax, yeah."

With that he jogged off across the sand, heading back to his original piece of art in the sand. Itachi watched him go with rapidly blurring eyes, not daring to put his sand covered fingers near them to clear them.

Instead he brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, turning to face the sea instead. As always, he sought comfort in the crashing waves and light spray that splashed him occasionally.

He wanted to be Uchiha Itachi, free of complexes and truly happy with life. While everything was beginning to slot into place now, he didn't feel he had quite reached where he wanted to be. He finally rose to a stand, walking to the water's edge and picking up a stone.

Fingering it within his hands for a moment, he threw it across the water and watched it skip a few times before finally being swallowed by the vast expanse of blue.

Well, he told himself. That was going to change. He was going to become Uchiha Itachi- partner of Deidara, brother of Sasuke, and his own, unique self.

Chapter End