Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ A Little Phallic Imagery Never Hurt Anyone ❯ Chapter 1

A/n: Oh, man. I must be one of the most perverted kids on the planet, seriously. The idea for this story popped into my head while I was eating a breadstick. Get it? If not, you probably shouldn’t read this.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, this fic would come true.

Notes: The kids are, let’s say 15? It’s not really important, but Naruto‘s really immature, so I don‘t want to say they‘re older then 18.
In addition, if you don’t know what phallic imagery is here: it’s when you see something (let’s say a breadstick) and you think of a genital thing. Get it? I sure hope so.

WARNINGS: YAOI: SasuNaru (or NaruSasu, however you want to look at it)!!!! Also, graphic scenes, almost lemons, are in this. Right at the beginning, in fact. Hence the rating of Mature/Adult. And, ironically, if you’re immature and perverted, you’ll like this. Be warned that this is a very silly fiction that laughs at stupid things like sexual innuendoes.

Created: November 15, 2006 by Crystal Blaize.   Enjoy

Clothes could be found littered across a blonde boys’ floor, and not just his own. Two naked figures were on the bed, bathed in the moonlight, one kissing the other across his jaw. The younger of the two shivered in excitement and pleasure, loving every kiss the other boy was giving him. Pale fingers danced across his tan skin, across his stomach, and continuing down further, onto his bare thighs. The older boy slid down, leaving a trail of sweet kisses on the way there.

A load gasp was heard as cold air was blown softly upon the boys’ manhood. The older boy smirked, his wet fingers played with him. He flicked his tongue against the tip, taking it slow, teasing the other. The blonde’s breathing hitched as he fell into this erotic, new feeling.

“Sasuke…” he moaned in a whisper, leaning into the touch.

Sasuke’s free hand (for the other was dealing with, well, more delicate things at the moment) held down his hips. When he protested with a small whine, Sasuke bit at the tip of his shaft, softly.

“Ouch! What was that for, teme!?” the boy screeched.

“Just shut up, Naruto.”

Naruto sighed as Sasuke went back to business, stoking and licking at him again. Every touch left Naruto wanting to scream in pleasure, but he bit his lip, not wanting to kill his voice. Sasuke was handling him so gently and passionately, and he couldn’t help but moan and some of the licks. He felt as if his world had gone hazy. It was only he and Sasuke now, sharing this together, and it was great!

Sasuke started kissing at Naruto’s thigh again, teasing him. He smirked again, saying,

“Wake up, dobe.”     ---------------

Beep! Beep! Beep! Crash!

“Goddamn alarm clock! Go to hell!” Uzumaki Naruto screamed towards ceiling, throwing his already broken clock across the room, and was probably waking up his whole apartment complex. Well, that is, if they weren’t already; it was 10 o’clock.

The blonde teen groaned, rubbing his tired blue eyes. Then his dream came back to him in a flash, making him jump up with a horrified look on his face. He was utterly confused; Sasuke was not a person to normally be in his dreams, and especially those dreams. He groaned, falling back down onto his pillows. The slight friction on his pants reminded him of another problem, which at least he could easily solve.

Slowly, Naruto got out of his bed, stripping his pajama top and throwing it on the floor. He walked over to his bathroom, getting rid of the rest of his clothes. Turning the shower on warm, he hopped in. Feeling the water drip across his skin made him smile, but it didn’t remove his problem. A cold shower would have solved it faster, sure, but he honestly didn’t feel like freezing. Besides, after that dream, he had to.

Reaching down, Naruto starting stroking himself, much more harshly then the Sasuke in his dreams. He moaned, seeing images from his dream, and making more up in his head. His legs quivered and his breathing quickened and he came to his ending. Turning off the water, he slid down the side of his shower.

He shook his head. ‘Since when did I have a thing for guys? And Sasuke, for that matter! But, Sasuke is, well, gorgeous, I’ll admit.’ He nodded sadly, as if agreeing with himself. ‘But why… eh, I mean, I’ve never felt this good thinking about him. Sure, we’ve kissed, but it was an accident. I didn’t even like it before. But would I now? …Damn.’

Sighing, he got out of the shower. Getting dressed in his usual outfit and after finishing his morning routine, he went out, trying to get all the thoughts of the Uchiha out of his head. It wasn’t working so well.

By the time he reached the Ramen stall, it was already almost noon. Deciding to stop for lunch, Naruto strolled into the shop. His stomach growled loudly as he took a seat at the bar. The old man working there greeted him and started up Naruto’s usual lunch.

In no time, the blonde received his food and was already gorging on it. Lifting up the noodles in front of him, about to take a bite, he tilted his head to the side, as if examining the noodles. They were really long, and it reminded Naruto of something.

Phallic imagery never ceased to amuse Naruto. He cracked up laughing, wondering why he had never noticed it before. Throughout the rest of his meal, he continued to giggle and blush as he tried to slurp up the noodle goodness. But he just couldn’t finish it; he was laughing far too hard and wasn’t even hungry anymore.

Naruto paid the worker and gave him his half empty (or half full for some of you) bowl back. He kept giggling on his way out. Randomly remember his joke on the streets made him snicker too, which caused people to give him dirty looks or have them roll their eyes at him.

The blonde felt someone tug on the back of his jacket. “Naruto? Why are you laughing?”

Naruto turned around to see Shikamaru and Ino. Not even bothering to think about why they were together when they didn’t have any missions (1), he grinned at them. “I just saw the funniest thing!”

Ino rolled her eyes. “It was probably something immature and stupid.”

Naruto thought about that, and ended up agreeing with her. But, it was still funny.

Shikamaru sighed. “Hell, I don’t even want to know. See you around, baka.”

“HEY!” Naruto yelled at him, but it as too late; the pair had already left. ‘Stupid people. What was the point of that, anyways?’ he thought, rolling his eyes. ‘Next stop: uh… wherever my feet take me!’

So Naruto set off on his quest to ‘wherever.’ Starting off east, he decided to go into a candy store and sock himself up on some delicious sweets.

The bells jingled as he entered and he was immediately immersed into the look and smell of the small shop. It was quaint and painted light blue with cotton-candy clouds on the ceiling. It smelled like chocolate, but not too strong.

“Mmm,” he hummed to himself, looking around at what he wanted to buy. ‘Ooh! Chocolate covered pretzel sticks!’ he thought in excitement, running over to them. There were dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and white chocolate…white! He started laughing; at second glance, he immediately thought nasty thoughts and started cracking up. The store own walked over, asking Naruto what was up.

“I-it’s…ha ha ha…. n-nothing,” he laughed. “I just r-remembered s-something.”

The owner gave him a weird look and walked away slowly, not bother to help him off the floor.   ---------------

Naruto walked out of the shop, munching on a long chocolate covered pretzel stick, still giggling. Today was a great day so far. The sun was shining, he had a few laughs, and not to mention a lovely dream (though he didn’t want to admit that he loved it).

“What’s so funny, dobe?”

Ah, but all good things come crashing down to an end. Naruto turned around slowly, dreading to face the person that the voice had belonged. All day he had not wanted to see him, especially after that dream. That really, really, nice dream…

“Nothing!” Naruto yelled, blushing and covering his mouth with his hands. He quickly removed them, though, realized how girly and childish that was.

Sasuke smirked, not bothering to say anything. He walked closer to Naruto-- wanting to be closer to him-- so that they were next to each other. As Naruto started walking off, Sasuke followed.

“Want some pretzel?” Naruto asked, trying really hard not to laugh.

“I don’t like sweets, dead last.” he answered. Naruto started laughing again. “What is it?”

“It’s just…hahaha hahaha,” he giggled, holding the pretzel stick above his head. “This!”

Sasuke stopped. The two were now nearing the forest training area --who knows why they started walking there-- and no one else was in sight. Sasuke wanted to smack Naruto up the head and yell ‘what the hell?!’ but resisted, instead saying, “A pretzel?”

Naruto nodded. “You don’t get it, do you?”

Sasuke didn’t want to answer. But, he did, “No.”

Naruto grinned, “It’s long, and covered in white chocolate. Think about it.”

Sasuke really wanted to smack him now. “You’re such an immature baka, Naruto.”

Naruto shrugged, continuing to walk into the forest, sucking on his pretzel. It was, well, rather appealing, really. Especially to Sasuke.

‘That dobe. He better stop before I maul him.’ he thought, fighting the urge to just grab him and start kissing him all over.

Naruto sighed, starting to think about his situation. He could talk to Sasuke about it, right? He didn’t have to say it had been him in the dream. Besides, Sasuke was his best friend, after all. He could at least listen to his troubles.

“Sasuke…” Naruto started, sitting down. Sasuke followed suit, not answering. Naruto continued, “Have you ever…uh…dreamed about, well stuff?”

“Stuff? As in…?”

“Well, you know… really nice, pleasurable stuff?” Naruto hinted, not wanting to fully say what he meant. His face was already beat red anyways.

“Why should I tell you?” Sasuke asked in answer.

“Cause, well, I need advice.”

“You’ve had one, then. Right?”

Naruto nodded. “I know we all have them, and whatever. I don’t care about that. What I meant before, though, was: Have you have had one of those types of dreams where you’re with someone you never thought you’d want to be with? But then when you wake up, you suddenly realize that’s who you want, not anyone else. And I don’t mean in a sexual way…well, not completely anyways. Do you know what I mean?”

Throughout Naruto’s whole rambling, Sasuke felt crushed. So Naruto like someone else then? His stomach started hurting, but he disregarded it; he was not about to start acting like a heart broken girl.

“Sasuke?” Naruto asked, breaking Sasuke’s trance.

“Yeah, I know what you mean…. I mean, I haven’t gone through that, but I know what you’re saying.”

Naruto nodded sadly. “It’s confusing.”

The Uchiha held in a sigh. “Do you want my help?”

Naruto’s eyes shone brighter then the morning sky. “Please! I don’t know what to do!” he paused. “But, please, Sasuke; don’t judge me on this, okay? I’m gay.”

Sasuke shrugged. “Me too.” he confessed. “So, that’s okay with me.” It really, really was.

Naruto let out a small breath. “Okay, good.” he grinned. “The dream had a guy in it, which didn’t faze me too much, but it was the guy in it.”

“Who was it?” Sasuke blurted out without thinking. (2)

Naruto’s face turned beat red. “Uh…”

Sasuke shook his head. “Never mind it, just continue.”

“That was all.”

“Oh.” he really felt stupid now.

“Well, I can tell you, you know…” his face deepened, if you can imagine it so. He gulped. His hands started shaking, as did the last pretzel he had that he was holding.

“Um…”

Sasuke didn’t stop him; he needed to know.

“You.”

‘WHAT!?’ Sasuke’s eyes widened and the tiniest, smallest blush crept up on his cheeks.

“Me? Oh…”

“I’m sorry,” he got up to leave, dropping the sweet on the ground.

“Stop,” Sasuke commanded, and Naruto obeyed. He just stood there, not wanting to open his eyes. Sasuke held his shoulder and lifted up his chin with his other hand. Naruto’s eyes shot open, though, when Sasuke lips filled in the gap between them. They parted for a second, only to crash into another mind-blowing kiss. Tongues danced inside each other’s mouths, fighting for dominance.

Naruto quickly gave up on it, falling into the passion of Sasuke’s kiss. He moaned, leaning in closer to him.

When they parted, Naruto couldn’t help but grin at Sasuke.

Sasuke kissed him again. When they parted, he nibbled along Naruto‘s neck and earlobe. Licking at the lobe, he purred, “Naruto?”

“Yeah?” he moaned.

Sasuke stopped to look at Naruto. “Can I have your pretzel?”     --------The End-------

A/n: I told you it was silly! I love that ending, even though it’s somewhat lame. But, hell. Why should I care?!

(1) I had to hint at a little ShikaIno. Ignore if you’d like, I don’t care.
(2) Subtle much?

Please Review! Flames are entertainment!