Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ A State of Utter Denial ❯ Sasuke Breaks ( Chapter 3 )

A State of Utter Denial

by Lemon Dropsaka thatreevesgirl

 

 

Chapter 3: Sasuke Breaks

 

 

The stupid, blond idiot was snoring again. Sasuke wondered if it would really be so wrong to try and stuff a pillow down Naruto's throat. The fact Sasuke had to spend his every waking moment with another person was starting to grate on the Uchiha's nerves. Before any of this, Sasuke had desired solitude, a person who was rarely seen with anyone other than his teammates, and even then, when he was younger he had shooed them away on more than one occasion when he needed to be alone.

 

Now he couldn't be alone.

 

Some days Sasuke wished that strangers had volunteered to guard him more than his close friends. Being surrounded by people who didn't know Sasuke meant they wouldn't have been able to read him so well or tell when something was bothering him. Being back…it was difficult to handle.

 

The worst thing that Sasuke had experienced after his return was the sheer amount of Konohan residents who treated him with malice and contempt, like he was some plague or stain on the greatness of Leaf. He had betrayed everyone, and for what reason? He wanted revenge for being betrayed. Ironic…it was completely and utterly ironic that he would follow the same path as his brother just so he could play avenger.

 

Sasuke had been a stupid and naïve child when he left. With Orochimaru that innocence was quickly lost as Sasuke was acquainted with horrors he would have nightmares about until he died. It hadn't been worth a single ounce of strength Sasuke had gained, because what the Uchiha lost had been so much greater than the tiny amount of power he had received.

 

“You okay?”

 

Sasuke hadn't realized Naruto's snoring had stopped, or that the numbskull had woken up and was staring at him in the dark. It was nearly pitch black in the room, but Sasuke knew exactly where Naruto was. He was only a few feet…an arms length away. Naruto was person who had saved him. Back when the blond had been boy of twelve and merely been Sasuke's teammate and rival Naruto seemed somewhat distant, but he was now seventeen and Sasuke's closest friend in the entire world.

 

“Is it difficult for you to live?”

 

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean, teme?” Naruto asked, and even in the dark Sasuke could somehow see the confused expression on the blond's face.

 

“Sometimes I really have a problem with it.”

 

“With me living? Huh?”

 

Sasuke grumbled, “Not you, idiot, me. I have a hard time living.”

 

“Oh, you mean with the stuff you've done?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Naruto sighed, it hurt to know Sasuke was thinking things like this. The difficulty of living with your mistakes was something Naruto couldn't quite comprehend, because he had chosen a different path than his teammate, promising himself he would never compromise his beliefs for power.

 

“Get some sleep, teme. You have lots of schoolwork to get through before Friday. If you don't finish it, you won't pass, and then you won't get to teach. If you don't teach they will throw you in with another team and then…” Naruto couldn't finish. The thought of Sasuke not returning to his team was too much for the blond to even consider.

 

Sasuke wanted to argue or complain or something, anything which would let himself release the pangs of regret and the pain of living. Sasuke tried to close his eyes, but every time he did he saw things and faces and memories which haunted him. His soul had nearly died while in Sound, so what had revived it? Was it even better? Was it still dying? Was Sasuke still dying? He kind of wished that he was.

 

If Sasuke had been alone he might have let himself cry, but because Naruto was right there, in the same bed he was, there was no way Sasuke would shed a single tear. Having someone with Sasuke at all times was good to monitor the young man, but honestly there was no outlet for the pain this way, no time for him to escape or release the horrors which were still inside him.

 

I've killed, and not to protect…not to save…but because I liked it. Because I needed it.

 

That is why Sasuke wanted to die, because that was still there, even after the curse seal was gone. The hatred and evil he had discovered in Sound still lurked somewhere beneath the surface, and Sasuke was so afraid it would release itself once more. Uchiha's didn't take their own lives, they weren't cowards…but still…when Sasuke tried to sleep…

 

A hand was on Sasuke's shoulder, and concerned eyes shone in the dark. They were boring a hole into him. The blue depths which seemed to know everything Sasuke had done. Sasuke tried to shrug Naruto away, but the Uchiha was shaking. He felt sick, like he was going to throw up. He was, Sasuke was getting sick. The bile was building in the back of his throat as Sasuke's mouth salivated in preparation for the vomit his stomach would soon be releasing.

 

Sasuke turned away, stumbling out the bed and tumbling onto the floor, puking, heaving, and then crying. Then Naruto was there, placing another concerned hand on his friend again, and Sasuke couldn't hold in the second wave of vomit.

 

“Sasuke, do you need a doctor?”

 

Sasuke shook his head no, unable to speak or think at all. He just wanted to finishing purging his stomach of the horrible feeling of emptiness…Sasuke wanted it out, all of it…completely out.

 

“I think you need a doctor.”

 

Sasuke couldn't argue, he puked again, and then when he couldn't throw up any more, all he could do is sit and dry heave until Kakashi and Tsunade showed up. Naruto started cleaning up the mess, and Tsunade checked over Sasuke with a worried look the entire time. Kakashi stood in a corner and watched Sasuke carefully, most likely so he could make some kind of report to Ibiki.

 

Sasuke was sobbing and muttering broken apologies, trying to hold it in, trying to stop, but he couldn't. Through all the time he'd spent with Ibiki, this had never happened, never this kind of break. It was something Sasuke was sure the stupid torture expert had been waiting for and hoping would happen, but it had been with Naruto. It was when Sasuke was looking into those damn orbs of sky that he fell and internally collapsed in on himself. This is why friends should stay away.

 

Naruto picked Sasuke up and took him back to the bed when Tsunade told him to. The Godaime walked to where Kakashi was and spoke to the copy-nin, talking in hushed tones, but Naruto could still hear them.

 

“There is nothing wrong with him medically, tell Ibiki.”

 

“Is it bad?” Kakashi asked the female Hokage.

 

“I don't know, that is to be determined by Ibiki.”

 

Then they left, and Naruto was alone with the broken and sleeping Uchiha. Naruto didn't get much rest that night, he just sat beside his friend and watched him sleep. It was a forced sleep that came when Tsunade placed a sleeping jutsu on the young man, but sleep nonetheless. It was probably more peaceful than any rest the young Uchiha had gotten in a long time, because Naruto knew just how often Sasuke would thrash in his sleep, whimpering and mumbling in fear. Naruto sighed, and just watched.

 

“Why do you do this to yourself, teme?”

 

Sasuke, of course, didn't answer.

 

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

 

There were books and scrolls and a hundred other items strewn across the young Uchiha's desk as he made a lesson plan to be approved by Tsunade. The Hokage had wanted to know exactly what Sasuke was going to be teaching the little brats on his first day. Sasuke decided to continue with the section on chakra which the class had been working on for the last week. Monday was his first day of teaching, and honestly, Sasuke was frightened to death.

 

“Hi, Sasuke,” was the familiar loudmouth's voice as it approached the Uchiha from behind. Sasuke was annoyed, but not surprised since he had sensed his friend's chakra for several minutes now. Sasuke had been avoiding Naruto for a few days, only spending time with the blond when Naruto had a shift with him. Thanks to the stupid Kyuubi-containing idiot Ibiki had gone extremely hard on him during their sessions the last few days.

 

Naruto also greeted the other person with Sasuke, “Hi Lee.”

 

Lee was reading some scrolls and preparing for a mission with Neji and TenTen. Lee would leave on the four-day excursion as soon as his shift with Sasuke was over. “Hello Naruto,” the green clad young man finally replied.

 

Naruto peaked over Sasuke's shoulder and read what the young man was writing, making “hmmm's” and “ah's” a few times before nodding his head and approving the lesson plan.

 

“Do you remember that game we played when we were in our second year?” Naruto asked Sasuke.

 

“No, I don't.”

 

Sasuke didn't remember much from that time, it had been right after his family was murdered.

 

“The one with the bear and the honey and the bees…you know…the game.”

 

Naruto seemed to bounce up and down at the thought of this mystery game, it must have been a lot of fun for Naruto, but it didn't jog Sasuke's memory in the slightest. Sasuke didn't know what game it was, and from the odd and poorly given description of how to play from Naruto, Sasuke would never know. Sasuke just shook his head and went back to planning. He now admired Iruka a lot, because there was definitely more work involved in this teaching crap than Sasuke had thought.

 

So, have you thought any more about how you are gonna land me a date with Sakura?” Naruto asked, not letting his friend work.

 

“No, I've been a bit busy. After I've taught for a week or two, I promise that we'll get right on that.”

 

Naruto smiled, “Okay, I just thought I'd ask, because I have a great plan to help you win Hinata.”

 

Lee, still trying to read, had visibly perked up when he heard Naruto start talking about Hinata. “Win her?” the teen with the bushy eyebrows asked, “Why are you winning Hinata?”

“Cause Sasuke here likes her, so we made a deal. He's gonna get me Sakura, and I'm gonna get him Hinata.”

 

Lee raised a single fuzzy eyebrow and then returned to his work with a sigh. Naruto smirked at Sasuke, dying for his friend to ask about what his brilliant plan was.

 

The question never came.

 

“Teme, don't you want to know what I have up my sleeve?”

 

Sasuke glanced up at the blond teen again and shook his head no, “I have to get this done, so if you really want to help me, pick up a pen and look over my class roster and help me with a seating arrangement.”

 

“Kid hate assigned seats, you do not want to be an academy teacher that goes that route, they'll be pissed at you for weeks.”

 

Sasuke grumbled, “Don't care.”

 

So Naruto shook his head in frustration and picked up the roster as Sasuke had asked, reading over the little bios of each of the children before figuring the perfect place to stick them. Those little brats were going to eat Sasuke alive if the stupid Uchiha didn't loosen up, Naruto was sure of that.

 

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END OF CHAPTER

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