Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Asylum ❯ ARC2: Day13 ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Arc 2: Day 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and Characters.

Thanks: To my wonderful beta-er, Susan. THANK YOU for all your hard work. I really appreciate it!

Note: The type of meds that Neji takes are called SSRIs, which are antidepressants. SSRIs are a common medication for people who have OCD. People who take SSRIs experience less anxiety.

Side effects of taking SSRIs are dizziness, nausea, impotence, sleep disturbance and headaches among others. They can also cause a panic attack.

I woke up when I felt the sun shining on my face. I didn't hear a lot of noise, which meant I was probably not in the recreation room anymore.

What had happened?

I knew that I had been reading a book, and that I had been thinking about Lee. And then I hadn't felt good anymore. But after that?

“Hyuuga Neji.” When my name was called, I opened my eyes completely, and looked to my left. A doctor was standing next to the bed I was laying on. A doctor who I'd never seen before.

And also, I was laying in a bed I'd never seen before. Where the hell was I?

“I see you are awake. Do you know where you are?”

“I ehh.. Yeah. Konoha's Institution.” I just answered, instead of saying `NO! This isn't my room. Where am I?'

“And how old are you?”

“Thirteen.” I answered as I started feeling disinterested again. Obviously, there was nothing wrong with me, so why was the doctor checking on me?

“That's correct. I'm glad that you are aware of where you are, and who you are. We were afraid you might have damaged yourself when you made that nasty fall the other day.”

Nasty fall?

“Doc, did I faint or something?”

“You didn't just faint, boy. You had a full-blown panic attack: hyperventilating, dizziness, and telling us over and over that you were going to die.”

“I ehh.. I'm sorry I misbehaved.”

“Oh, don't be silly. It's not your fault. You know the meds you were taking right up until now?” The doctor asked, and I nodded in response.

“It's a well-known fact that panic attacks can be induced by taking your medicines. There is a small chance of having such an attack, so a lot of people take them. We're very sorry that you had to experience such a situation. We have already arranged for this not to occur again.”

They did?

“Your uncle has made the decision for you that you will stop taking your medicines. We weren't completely happy when we heard the news, but your uncle had good arguments to cut you off medication. He said that you didn't progress when you started taking medicines four months ago. We looked into your file, and it was true.”

“My uncle said that-.. Does this mean I have to take different pills from now?”

“Your uncle disagrees with that as well. It's rather unusual for someone with OCD to stop taking medicines when they start progressing, but your uncle is persistent. We discussed your situation with your personal Coach, and Dr. Asuma agrees with your uncle. You will stop taking antidepressants.”

I gaped at him.

Was I actually allowed to stop taking those awful pills? No more stomach aches? No more dizzy spells? No more nausea and a dry mouth?

“I uhh.. I'd like that.” I said, and I dully noticed my voice was rather enthusiastic. As if my voice indicated that I was rather happy to be one step closer to `normality' again.

Which was bullshit.

Because I was Hyuuga Neji, and I didn't have a happy voice. Not even when I said things that really mattered to me.

“You may not see it, but you are making progress, Neji. We think it is safe to take you off medication.”

I smiled hesitantly.

“You will be monitored though. If we think you are regressing, then we will find you another type of medication.”

“Y-yes.”

When the Doctor was done talking, he asked me a few questions: whether I ever had the feeling that my meds didn't work, and if I would feel safe if I stopped using them.

Of course I said I didn't want to take my meds anymore. I said I felt like I started making progress I started seeing Dr. Asuma, and not when I started taking meds a few months earlier.

When we were done, the doctor said I was allowed to get up. He said it would be wise for me to go back to my room and rest some more, because of the harsh fall I made the other day when I had the panic attack.

“Excuse me, doctor. L-.. I mean, a patient is leaving today. Am I allowed to bid him farewell?” I asked the doctor as I got up and made the bed seven times.

“One of your friends is leaving? If you don't feel dizzy, then you can go. But I suggest resting a little bit. It's still early in the morning, and goodbye-parties are usually held later on the day.”

“Okay. Thank you, and I'll be going now.” I said, and left the room quickly. I closed the door, then hesitated for a moment, before I opened and closed it another six times with a painful expression, like I didn't want to do so, but couldn't help myself.

Now.

Where was Lee?

The big clock in the recreation room read 7:23 AM when I entered I checked the clock again. Was it really only half past seven?

No wonder that the room was almost depleted of all humans. No wonder I didn't spot Lee anywhere.

It was still ridiculously early.

Still, I thought about it for a moment. I knew that Lee would leave today, but I actually had no idea whatsoever when Lee was leaving. If Lee would leave this afternoon, I'd probably rest a little bit, just like the doctor told me to. Yet if Lee would leave in a few hours, I'd just wait.

.. But whom could I ask when Lee would have his `goodbye party'?

I checked the room again, and noticed there were only two people there. One was the red-haired freak with the hollow voice. I did not want to ask him anything.

The other was a better option. It was that hyperactive boy that my retarded roommate usually hung out with, Ki-what-was-his-name-again?

“Hey, ehh.. You,” I nudged the boy, who was absorbed in his Nintendo-play. When he finally pushed the Pause-button, I continued, “When is Lee leaving? Will he leave in the morning, or in the afternoon?”

“Eh, isn't Lee home already?” was the ridiculous answer that I got. Mentally, I smacked my head. Was he as stupid as my roommate?! Of course! They hung out together: surely both of them were stupid.

“Lee leaves today. Can you tell me if that goodbye party will be held this morning, or this afternoon?” I asked again, trying to be a little bit specific. Perhaps now he understood my question?

“What? Oh no, you got it all wrong. Don't you remember Lee's party yesterday? It was so awesome! Surely, he cried, but he cries all the time, so it's not that strange.”

Was he even more retarded than my roommate?

“Look.. You. Today is the party Lee has been bragging about for weeks. Now tell me where Lee is.”

“Lee left already! After his party yesterday. Don't you remember? I-.. Ohh wait! You're that OCD-kid, aren't you?”

“Hyuuga Neji.” I corrected him with a sour look. I'm not `that OCD-kid', thank you very much. He was right there when I introduced myself during group session, so why didn't he bother remembering my name?

“Yeah, you're Naruto's roommate! You're the OCD-kid! Naruto told me you were out like a light! For more than a day. We didn't want to wake you up, since you're this huge prick and never liked us in the first place. So I guess you missed it. That's why you don't remember: you simply missed the whole day!”

I what?

“You missed it all, OCD-kid! Oh, you should've been there! First we woke Lee up in the morning, and we played jokes on him. And then all of his friends gave him presents, and his best friend even made a cake for all of us, and then Lee cried because he had to go and he would miss us all, and then he was gone! And then I played scrabble with Shino, before-

I tuned him out.

Was the hyper retard serious? Did I actually miss the party? Did I actually miss the one thing that Lee had been bragging about for days and days and `Neji, you will come to my party too, will you not?' and I had said `yes' and now I missed it and-

Fuck.

Vaguely I was aware that I tried walking back to my room, because I felt dizzy again. It must have been the nasty fall I made the other day, the day before Lee left, since I didn't have to take medication anymore so my meds couldn't be the cause.

I really tried walking back to my room.

Has I really been out for two days straight? Was Lee really `better' now, and did he leave without saying goodbye to me? Or did Lee say goodbye to me while I was unconscious? He had probably done that.. He better had done that.

I think I made it back to my room.

Or someone else's room.

I don't really know.

Wasn't I supposed to decide on my own fate? Wasn't I supposed to say goodbye to Lee? Wasn't I supposed to say goodbye to him, before kissing him seven times?

Fuck.

This was such a shitty day.

I woke up in a tangle of sheets. Faintly I smelled the scent of someone else lingering on the pillow, which was strange. The last time I had slept in someone else's bed was when I was three years old.

I pushed my face into the pillow a bit more, trying to think of a logical explanation. I couldn't come up with one.

“You..” A voice rudely interrupted my thoughts.

I resisted growling, before opening my eyes and looking up. Surely, there was this other presence in my room.

.. Wait. This wasn't my room.

I looked up, down, left, right. I saw one dark side of the room, with two green eyes staring directly at me. Shit. I saw an empty nightstand next to the bed. Empty desk next to the nightstand. Shit! Saw light-green sheets, wrapped around my legs and lower body. Shit, shit!

.. Wait.

Green sheets?

I know only one person who was this obsessed with green. (I dismissed Thick-Brows for the moment, because he's plain creepy, and because he told me a week ago that `I and my Eternal Rival share a room')

Did this mean-.. Had I really been so out of it that morning that I had actually found Lee's old room after I broke down?

And collapsed on his bed?

And slept in his bed?

Slept in Lee's bed.

Lee's bed.

On Lee's pillow.

With Lee's sheets to keep my body warm.

Just as they had kept Lee's body warm.

Uhhhh.

“OCD-kid..” I looked to the other side of the room again, and found myself looking at the red-haired creep. You know, the one who makes creepy movements with his arms, and who never talks.

Fuck. Was this creep Lee's Roommate?

“Hyuuga Neji.” I growled back at him, finding it very annoying to be called `OCD-kid'. Was I already so well-known here that people actually referred to me with a simple `OCD-kid'?

Didn't I properly introduce myself right in the beginning when I had my first group session?

Was my name that difficult to remember?

Or didn't anyone care about who I was?

“.. This is my side.. Sheets will be changed, soon,” After the creep mumbled his half-formed sentences he paused for a long time, never looking at anything but me, “You're.. Not so arrogant now.”

...

“Erm, look..” I thought for a moment, but then figured out I really didn't remember the creep's name, “You. I'm sorry I entered your room on a whim. I'll go away now.”

“To.. Get stuff? Understood.” The creep talked really slowly, which made me really annoyed. He must have been mentally retarded at the very least.

I mean, why would I need to get my stuff? And why did he say the sheets were going to be changed? I didn't care about that.

Wait.. Surely this retarded creep didn't think I-

“Just because Lee left it does not mean I am going to sleep here.” I said bluntly. I didn't know why the guy had the illusion I was somehow supposed to be here.

I wanted to end this pathetic excuse of a conversation right there. Right now, all I cared about was going back to my own room, where I could have some peace, and think about what the hell had happened in the past two days.

“But you.. Slept here.” Even though the creep talked really slowly, and looked disinterested the entire time, he kept up the conversation.

Yes, I did sleep here. Good for you that you noticed. Yet I still don't care.

“Yes, I slept here.” I unnecessarily confirmed him, before I got up. I eyed the sheets for another moment, and it made me feel weird. I felt like I wasn't myself right now, because I fainted, and then felt bad for missing Lee's goodbye, and then slept on green sheets.

“But..” Redhead didn't finish his sentence, which was the cue for me to leave. I really didn't care about him at the moment, and I didn't care about what he wanted to say to me.

“Hey, you. I just slept here. I'm sorry, okay?” I snapped, but I didn't feel sorry at all.

“Sorry, okay.” was all he said, but the way he said it was off. Like he was just saying something, with no feeling attached to the word.

“I'm going back to my room. Goodbye.” I spat out the last word because I felt obligated to at least say it. Then I made my way over to the door and opened it.

I looked at the redhead a last time. He was still sitting on his bed in the same position I found him in. He didn't have anything to say.

Quickly slamming the door close, I made my way back to my room. I passed a few people in the hallways, but I ignored them just like I always did.

They had never been worth my attention.

As I finally found back my own room, I still felt weird inside. It must have been because of everything that had happened in the past few days.

I opened the door, and also slammed it close. I did that just because I felt like doing such a trivial thing. I didn't care that I woke up my retarded roommate with my loud behavior.

I sat down on my bed with my back directed to my roommate, finally giving myself a moment to reflect.

I had a panic attack. I died. Lee left. I didn't say him goodbye. I don't have to take meds anymore. I slept in Lee's bed. I know Lee's roommate is a creep.

Did that all happen in two days?

“Neji, where were you? You didn't sleep here for two days.”

I ignored my roommate as usual. The blond retard never had anything useful to say, so why would I bother listening to him in the first place?

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.. Are you sad? You are sad, because you are not happy, are you?”

I ignored his question. Just like all the questions he ever asked me.

“Neji, you got only six napkins instead of seven at breakfast? Because that's possible! Because yesterday at 13.00 hours, Kiba told me that Ayame-chan doesn't like you, which means you made her sad. Therefore-

“Shut up.” I rudely interrupted my roommate's babbling, not caring the slightest bit about hurting his feelings or whatever. Lee was gone. The one person I might have started to care about was officially gone, so there was no need for me to be nice.

“But you are sad, and Tsunade Baa-chan said that I have to talk to sad people, so they will be not sad anymore. It's called `Socializing', and I need to do that, because she said so.”

“I don't care.” I growled, not even bothering to turn around to face him.

“Tell me why you are sad, Neji! Is it Ero-Sennin? Sakura-chan said he dislikes you most. But she didn't include Sasuke-Teme in her list. Obviously.” And my retarded roommate kept on talking, not understanding at all that I was feeling bad and wanted privacy.

Why did all people here seem so emotionally stunted?

“Neji, Neji, Neji, Neji, Neji, Neji, N-“

“Lee left.” Once again, I interrupted his line in the middle, and once again, I didn't care. If I answered one of his stupid questions for once, perhaps then he would leave me alone.

“Lee? You're sad because Lee left?” I nodded in agreement, but I didn't turn around to face my roommate, “I don't understand you. You hate Lee, so why are you sad?”

I hate Lee?

Where did that come from? How did the stupid blonde get the idea that I hated Lee?

I could never hate Lee! I like him!

“I don't hate Lee.” I tried to state as serious as possible, but the whole line came out weak and insecure. I didn't want to have this conversation, yet here I still was.

“You don't? Well, he's better now, so you can't tell him anymore. Besides, Lee hates you.”

“He doesn't hate me! He likes me!” I didn't know why I was defending Lee to my roommate, and I didn't know why my voice was rising in volume every time I spoke up. I didn't know why my roommate had the idea that Lee and I didn't like each other, and I didn't know what I was feeling right now.

I felt really clueless right now, and I didn't like it one bit.

Why the hell did my roommate think that Lee disliked me? I mean, Lee was nice to me all the time, and he sat with me during most lunches and dinners. And he hugged me. And he said nice things to me.

Surely my roommate had misunderstood the situation.

Surely Lee liked me a lot more than everyone else.

I mean, Lee couldn't simply like everyone around here!

“You are wrong, Neji! Gai said that Lee said that he dislikes you! And Gai and Lee are friends so this is the truth!” My roommate said, and I really wondered if he just made up this crap. Did he really think that he had heard all this nonsense? Did my roommate have weird hallucinations that made him believe that Lee and I were less than friends?

“All people here are idiots. Lee likes me.”

“Lee likes you?”

I turned around to face my roommate rather abruptly, and gave him a cold stare.

“Yes. Lee likes me a lot.”

“Oh.” that said, the blonde looked pensive for a short moment. I thought about leaving my room and searching for a more quiet place to sit, but then my roommate spoke again. And because I was a really decent person, and because I didn't know a quiet place to sit right now, I stayed and listened.

“I don't understand. Lee said you don't like him. Did Lee lie?”

“Lee doesn't lie. You obviously misunderstood.”

“I don't misunderstand. I hear what I hear, and I remember things really well.”

“Listen, you probably think that Lee doesn't like me, but that's not true. Lee likes me. He really does.”

“I don't understand,” he said again, and that was the moment when I decided to end this pathetic excuse for a conversation.

“Then that's too bad,” I sneered at him and got up. When I made my way out of our room, my roommate did nothing to stop me from leaving. Perhaps he was used to people walking away in the midst of talking. Or perhaps he was really retarded.

When I closed the door to my room, I immediately made my way down the hallway.

I still felt weird, and I didn't like it at all.

I didn't want to talk to my roommate anymore. I didn't want to talk to anyone as a matter of fact. I just wanted silence for a while, so I could think.

And frankly, there was one place that I could think of, that held such silence.

I passed a lot of doors and I ignored a lot of people. I finally stopped as I spotted a green `knock before you enter' sign on a particular doorknob. I didn't knock, and just opened the door right away.

Redhead was still sitting in the same position as I left him in, which was fine. I sat down on green sheets again, and laid down. I didn't have to say `Shut up' to the boy, because he didn't talk a lot in the first place. I didn't care if I was breaking rules, or bothering the red-haired boy.

This room was a perfect place for me to think.

And I really had a lot of thinking to do. So much had happened in the past few days, and I couldn't come to terms with most of it.

Did I really die?

Did Lee really leave without saying goodbye to me?

Did Lee really dislike me?

Did I really never have to take my meds anymore?

Did I really have an almost normal conversation with my roommate?

Did I really know nothing about things and people here?

I looked to the red-haired boy on the other side of the room. Just as I had expected he didn't ask me anything at all. He just stared at me and that was about it.

I wondered what people thought of me now. What did Lee really think of me? And what did my roommate think of me? And what about this silent boy? And all those people I had sessions and classes with?

I still thought that Lee liked me. But was that what was really going on, or was it just an illusion? Was it the truth, or just something I wanted to see?

I really was clueless.

I felt blind, because I didn't know what to think or what to feel here.

I had thought that faking a disorder and being inside an asylum was going to be easy for a genius like me.

Yet I really felt tiny right now, because I didn't feel like I was in control anymore.

Somehow, this place really got me thinking. Not about a nonexistent fear or obsession with the number seven, but about myself.

I kept reflecting on the things I did, and I didn't like it at all. It felt like my conscience was asking me the same thing over and over again:

Do I really not care that I've been a jerk to the people here?