Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Backwards World ❯ Jiraiya, Ex-Pervert ( Chapter 7 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Hello, again! Sorry for the late update! School, chores, dinner, laundry, you know the drill. Anyway, in this chapter, something you'd never expect will happen, besides Sasuke acting like a knuckle-headed spaz. Enjoy!!

"I swear, another scrape like that, and I'll surely lose my mind..."

Naruto sighed as he walked the paths of "Hanoko," thinking of the real world. He began to miss it more and more by each passing minute. Even though he had been stuck in this alternate universe for less than a few hours, he felt as if he had been separated from his home for what seemed like a painful eternity.

He missed the Ichiraku Ramen Bar, where the cook and his daughter would always treat him so well...that is, when he didn't try to overceed his fill or skip out on the bill. He yearned for the training grounds where he would practice his jutsu. And the memories of his companions and friends haunted him so. The lovely Sakura (gag), the moron Sasuke, his master Kakashi, the shy Hinata, caterpillar-eyebrowed Rock Lee, his academy teacher, Iruka, his perverted teacher, Jiraiya...

"Huh?"

Speaking of Jiraiya, his white-haired playboy sensei was walking a few yards in front of Naruto, a blond-haired woman at his side. He and her were laughing as they talked.

"I guess not everything's changed..." Naruto thought.

"I really hope that you've had a good time today, Kayu-san. It was such a pleasure courting you while you were in such a dispicable situation."

"I really had a great time, Jiraiya-san. Thank you so much for helping me with my dogs. They can get pretty rowdy, and I can't seem to do anything about it sometimes. If you hadn't stepped in and helped me, they would've caused so much trouble for my neighbors."

"I have to leave, now. I pray you have a good tomorrow that could've been as enjoyable as today."

"Oh, Jiraiya-san!" the woman blushed.

Naruto watched with wide eyes as he witnessed his teacher's sophisticated and appropriate manners towards the woman. He didn't once sneak a feel of her body or steal a glance of her breasts. He only kissed her hand like a gentleman would do as he bid her farewell.

"Okay...I stand corrected."

"Hey, Jiraiya-sensei!" Naruto called out to the man. He looked up to see the boy waving at him, and he waved back, smiling.

"Hello, Naruto. How've you been?" he asked.

"Fine! (Except for the whole bonk-on-the-head, winding-up-in-an-alternate-universe thing.)" he ran up to Jiraiya, wanting to take a closer look at him; to see if he was Jiraiya. It seemed so.

And at the same time, it didn't. His hair was more clean, and it didn't stick out like it usually did. He wore more appropriate clothing, and looked quite refine compared to his original style.

"Wow, Pervy Sage, you've really had some kinda makeover!" Naruto said, chuckling as he gazed at his teacher. Jiraiya looked at him with confusion.

"What did you call me?" he asked.

"Pervy Sage. That's what I've always been calling you, remember?" A middle-aged brown-haired woman began to overhear their conversation.

"I'm sorry, Naruto, but I don't remember anything like that. And besides, calling me something like "Pervy Sage" is really unnecessary and inappropriate. Don't you think so?" he asked. The boy just looked at the man with utter disbelief.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Why, he's Jiraiya, of course; one of the most well-respected and most polite people of Hanoko." the woman came out and stood next to Jiraiya.

"Almost all of the women go completely head-over-heels for him! And all of the men congratulate him on his work! He helps all of our neighbors with their problems, and spits on any money that they want to offer him for his services! Really! He says that the only thing he wants in return is to know that all of our situations are solved and done with! Oh, my! It's just so wonderful and yet so hard to believe that such a wonderful and helpful man lives in Hanoko! Children even ask him for his autograph!" she explained, a giant jubilant smile pasted on her face.

Naruto was dumbstruck. "What~!? That is the biggest load of wag wiggles I have ever~"

"~Your neighborhood pal, Jiraiya. There ya go, Konohamaru!" Jiraiya said, putting away his pen as the little Konohamaru got his desired autographed picture of Jiraiya.

"All RIGHT! Thanks, Jiraiya-sama!" The little boy jumped up and down with glee, and then noticed Naruto's destraut face. He made a face at him as he ran away chuckling.

"Why, you...!" Naruto was about to hunt the boy down like a bear for a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios when Jiraiya caught him by the back of his shirt collar.

"Now, Naruto! You should be ashamed of yourself, wanting to pick on little kids." he commented.

"That's no little kid; that's a big pain!" the boy said, shaking his fist.

"C'mon, why don't we hang out a little, huh?" he asked, grinning with opportunity.

'Now I'm pretty sure that's not Pervy Sage...' Naruto thought as he led him towards the library. This was creeping him out too much. So in order to help feel a little sane again, he decided to try and turn this refined neighborhood hero into the playboy dogman he knew and loved. Of course, the "loved" term was used lightly.

"Come on, Pervy Sa--I mean, Jiraiya-sensei." Naruto said, showing him a certain part of the library, the Adult Section. He picked up a book with a blonde, long-haired woman who was about 90% naked, except for a really revealing bathing suit.

"Now this is a good book, and it would be even better for you if you read it!" the boy said, showing him the cover. Jiraiya scowled and pushed the book away.

"Naruto, do you honestly think I'd like looking at these degrading pictures of women?" he asked, tsk tsk tsking. Naruto panicked for a second, then an idea came to mind.

"What do you mean degrading? I thought you thought of women as respectable people! And besides, in here they're absolutely gorgeous and are enjoying the fact there on this cover right now, pleasing those of men's eyes!" he said, beaming, praying that would work. Jiraiya took a closer look at the book, his eyes showing signs of change. He hummed with thought. His face began to consider, but when he flipped through the pages, his eyes bulged with shock. He immediately put the book down and grabbed Naruto's hand, walking out of the Adult Section.

"Seriously, Naruto; I hope I never have to look at anything like that again..." he said, shivering with disgust. He took the boy to the comic section, where Jiraiya picked up the latest manga and laughed childishly. Naruto was so sick of him and embarrased at the same time; especially since there were others who were staring at them. His face turning red with humiliation, he grabbed his teacher by the back of the collar, and dragged him out of the library. Jiraiya was still chuckling as his nose was still jammed in the book's pages.

"Hey, that's not for free, you know!!" yelled the librarian, scowling as they exited.

"Okay, that was a bust, so next up is...the hot springs!" Naruto said, walking towards the bathhouse. But he had to look back at his teacher and slap the book out of his hands, which he was still reading and laughing at, and had to yell in his face: "Would you stop reading that piece of crap!?"

"Somebody's a cranky in the mornin'..." Jiraiya sang.

"And cut off the crappy music!!" he said, now very-much annoyed. They both got a vacant hot spring, which by coincidence *wink wink* was right next to the women's hot springs. They both could hear their laughter and gossip.

"Hey, Jiraiya-sensei, you hear that? Talking about some pretty juicy stuff, I bet! Who knows? I'll bet they're wearing really nice bikinis! Wanna come see?" Naruto insisted, peeking his head over the wooden barrier, tempting the man to come and look. But when the boy looked back, he saw the man was half-asleep as he began to sink in the hot water.

"Jiraiya-sensei!!" the boy called, waking his teacher, making the nose bubble he blew pop as his eyes winced in the steam.

"Huh? What? Did you say something, Naruto?" he asked, looking around confusedly.

"I said, you have to come see these girls! They're probably--" the boy stopped, frozen in shock, when he turned his head and saw the women staring at the boy with both confused and angry eyes. One of them grabbed a pebble from the bottom of the spring and threw it at Naruto's head, sending him backward and plummeting into the spring.

"Waaaahh!!" Naruto screamed as he struggled to get back to the surface. Jiraiya called to the girls.

"I'm very sorry, ladies. My student isn't really the responsible one!"

The girls recognized the voice and swooned and sighed. They laughed and giggled as one of them said, "It's alright, Jiraiya-san! It's nice to talk to you!" The man laughed as the boy behind him had half his head poked out of the water, blowing air bubbles with a wide scowl on his face.

"Alright, Plan C!" Naruto said, bonking on his head sideways, trying to get some water out of his ear. Jiraiya just whistled. They came up to a dance club, and a security guard stopped them.

"Hey, you, kid! You can't go in! This is only for people 21 and up! And you look like, twelve." he said. He had a huge mustache. It was like a giant caterpillar got stuck to his upper lip. Naruto panicked for a second, then came up with another idea.

"But you've gotta let me in! My cousin's in there! And she needed me to run some errands for her before her show!" he said, trying to display a mature but desperate face. The man looked at the other guard next to him, and he asked: "Which one?"

"Rachimoka Maya." he answered. The men looked at him, and since they've seen her before, and Naruto had about the same hair color, they decided so.

"Alright. You can come. But who's the man here?" the other guard asked. Naruto said, "This is my uncle. He's here to see the show and to cheer on my cousin."

The man lifted the red rope and let them both pass. Jiraiya wasn't actually pleased with Naruto lying to those men, but he thought that whatever reason, it must have been important. But he couldn't have been more wrong once he saw who was up on stage.

Apparently, there was a special show of exotic dancers (if you know what I mean), and they both got a seat. Some of the others, mostly men, were staring at the little boy who was going "whoo whoo whoo!" at the dancing girls, and the white-haired man sitting next to him who was basically half-asleep.

"C'mon, Jiraiya-sensei, wake up!! You've got to see these girls! Don't they make you feel something wild!?" the boy asked, waving his hands in the air, acting like he just didn't care.

Jiraiya woke and saw the girls dancing, and his eyes were wrapped with shock. He stood up in his seat, and yelled out to them in front of everyone:

"What are you doing!? This is not the way to spend your time wisely! Try doing something that grants you some self-respect! Don't throw your life away by degrading yourself in front of others who actually enjoy it! Follow your dreams! Don't be affected by the demands of others who wish less of you!!" he said, holding a hand to his heart as he spoke with pride.

One of the girls shook a fist angrily at him, while another started weeping, saying, "Yes, you're right! This is not where I belong! I can do better than this!"

A couple of the audience members spoke to security, and in a split second, both of them were lying on the cold ground outside, with big red footprints on their butts. They groaned.

"Okay, that is IT!!" Naruto said, walking away from the man, who was now fast asleep on the ground. 'If that guys wants to stay one of the refined village idiots, he can be my guest! I am so done with him!!!!' The boy stomped away, steaming.

...............

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After the boy was gone from sight, Jiraiya got up and made a loud whistling sound across the street. Two tall, beautiful girls came walking out, and wrapped their arms around him, giggling.

'Thanks again, Naruto! You've shown me so much enjoyment!' he thought happily as he walked away with the two girls.

"I have so had it with all of this! Man, another one of these crappy happenings, and I will surely--" the boy was interrupted from his hissy fit when a hand suddenly landed on his right shoulder. He flinched as he screamed.

"Waaaaahhh! You're...you're...."