Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Bandaging Our Wounds ❯ Bandaging Our Wounds ( Chapter 1 )

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Bandaging Our Wounds

by Lemon Drops/thatreevesgirl (they're both me)

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WARNING: Spoiler's present, I wrote this to take place at about chapter 318 in the manga, so if you haven't read to at least chapter 300 you might get mad at me for a few of the things in here. I also don't have a beta, so there might be a few errors. I tried to find them all myself, but it is so hard to catch your own mistakes.

 

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One-Shot

 

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Kakashi wrapped Naruto's right leg, the white strip of fabric giving only a bit as the copy-nin rolled it around the teen's appendage. Poor Naruto, he had been training so hard as of late, and there was nothing Kakashi could do but push him harder, make him go further so they could save Sasuke from Orochimaru. The copy-nin softly caressed the red, broken skin from yet another near-transformation into the Kyuubi version of Naruto.

 

One tail was a warning, two a threat, three meant Yamata had to take action, because when that fourth flaming chakra tail would spring out of Naruto's flesh it meant possible annihilation of everything and everyone in Konoha. Kakashi didn't even want to imagine what five or more would mean, probably the destruction of all the great ninja nations.

 

“Kakashi, do you think I'll be able to save Sasuke if I perfect this technique? Will it be enough?”

 

The copy-nin sighed, “I hope so Naruto. I really, truly do.”

 

Kakashi kept wrapping. Naruto looked like he would burst into tears at any moment.

 

Don't look like that, Naruto, it isn't you, never has been…maybe deep down that pain was there, but you've always overcome it, always.

 

Kakashi wrapped a little further up, accidentally dragging on some tender skin of Naruto's thigh, causing the young man to wince. “Damn fox, doesn't even heal me properly these days,” Naruto asserted as he tried to ignore the stinging nerve endings which flared with pain, gruesome and deep, like it came from Kyuubi himself.

 

Kakashi stopped rolling, and laid his fingers on the painful area, giving his pupil a good shot of healing chakra, no mind that he wasn't as talented as Sakura, it would help a little bit.

 

Naruto sighed, “Thanks sensei.”

 

“Are you alright, Naruto? I'm not talking about your leg, I mean you, are you alright?”

 

Naruto's head nodded very slowly, almost hesitantly in response, “I'm fine, I'm just a bit tired. I'll be better after a good nights sleep. I suppose I'll need a vacation after all of this, something relaxing, maybe a trip to the beach.”

 

Kakashi watched as Naruto tried to grin, tried to be strong, tried to be the happy and boisterous boy who had captured everyone's hearts, tried to hold back his tears—tried and failed—as they started falling in heavy, wet droplets despite Naruto's attempt to fool them away.

 

“I'm so pathetic, Kakashi-sensei. I can't even…I can't…”

 

“You are not pathetic.”

 

“Then why did Sasuke…when we found him in Sound, he said that I could be spared or killed depending on whatever whim he had. I am pathetic, and even if I have an ultimate technique which…”

 

Kakashi silenced Naruto, shushing him thoroughly until the young man finally stopped talking utter nonsense. “The only weakness you have are the ones you give him, I believe in you, Sakura believes in you, the Hokage believes in you, and most of Konoha believes in you…don't let your doubts disappoint us, Naruto.”

 

“But sensei…”

 

“No buts, none. You are Konoha's hope, but more importantly you are Sasuke's hope. If you ever want to see your friend, your brother, happy, then you will fight for him, no matter how hard it is.”

 

Naruto closed his eyes, the tears coming slower now, but still not stopping as they dripped from the corners of his blond-lashed lids. “I will be strong, Kakashi-sensei. I will fight and save Sasuke, because I must, for everyone, but especially for Sasuke.” Naruto tensed as rough fingers wiped away the remaining tears, and opened his eyes to find the concerned eye of his teacher staring back at him.

 

“Come now, Naruto, I'll treat you to some ramen, you definitely deserve it after working so hard today.”

 

“Really, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto nearly bounced in response to the offer, he loved ramen, loved it even more when it was free.

 

“As much as your bottomless pit of a stomach can pack away, you just have to promise me that you won't let darkness consume your heart, it's the only way Orochimaru can win, and I think he knows that.”

 

Kakashi stood and offered Naruto his hand, which was graciously taken by the young lad as he joined the copy-nin. Before breaking the contact of their fingers, Naruto gave Kakashi's hand a gentle squeeze, “I promise I won't let that happen, but only if each of you stands with me. I need you to stand by me, I'm not strong enough alone.”

 

“No one is, that's why Konoha will be beside you to give you strength, me especially,” Kakashi squeezed back before releasing Naruto and walked back toward their hidden village, his student eagerly following behind him.

 

***

 

“Thanks for the ramen, Kakashi-sensei. I appreciate you treating me,” Naruto beamed at his teacher, content with his full stomach, much happier than he'd been only an hour prior while training. Kakashi grinned at the youth, despite his nearly empty wallet thanks to the blond.

 

Kakashi had to remind himself again that Naruto wasn't the boy he'd once trained anymore. No, the lad had grown up so much in the three years he'd been away. Soon Naruto would be seventeen, far reaching into the world of adulthood according to the life of a ninja, but Kakashi considered, has Naruto even killed anyone?

 

It troubled the copy-nin, because Naruto played a key role in taking down other ninja before, but honestly Kakashi had never known Naruto to actually kill someone. It was fairly unusual for a non-jounin or ANBU hunter to kill, death wasn't necessary for lower-ranking ninja to dirty themselves with. If Naruto hadn't ever dealt with performing such a deed, then there was a part of him which might be too naïve and far too unknowing to save Sasuke.

 

After speaking with Yamata about the mission he led with Naruto, Sakura, and Sai, Kakashi was sure Sasuke no longer maintained even a sliver of the same innocence Naruto did, he was dark and corrupted, and as much as Kakashi hated to think of it, perhaps unsaveable by any means.

 

Kakashi needed to speak with Naruto about this further, but not here, not in public, “Naruto, would you like to come to my apartment and have some tea?”

 

Naruto considered this for a moment, and then smiled at his teacher, “With milk and honey?”

 

“Sure, whatever you want,” Kakashi replied to the young man.

 

“Yeah, definitely, Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto told his teacher as he patted his full stomach and stood to head to Kakashi's apartment.

 

Kakashi and Naruto walked in silence for a bit, and though Naruto seemed happier, Kakashi could still sense the sadness within the teen and laid his hand on Naruto's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Doing this made Kakashi realize how tall Naruto had become, nearly as tall as himself.

 

“Is everything okay, Kakashi-sensei?”

 

Kakashi focused on Naruto and gave the boy a smiling eye-crease in response to the question as the older man dropped his arm from the shoulder it was attending. Naruto slowed his steps until he was barely making any forward progress. Kakashi turned to see why Naruto had stopped when he was suddenly met with a young man clutching him, hugging him firmly and sobbing into Kakashi's chest.

“Thank you, Kakashi,” Naruto murmured into his sensei's shirt. “Thank you for everything.”

 

“It's not a problem, Naruto,” Kakashi told him, trying to comfort him again, slowly wrapping his own arms around the young man, embracing him, just satisfied with holding his student and friend for a moment.

 

Naruto's breath had been coming in broken, worried spurts, gasping between sobs, but before long his breathing calmed. Kakashi took note of this and allowed himself to get lost in the long, soothing rise and fall of Naruto's chest against his own.

 

“Naruto, let's go, I'm sure some tea will help you feel better,” Kakashi told his student, finally breaking the silence.

 

“Just a little longer, Kakashi,” Naruto whispered, gripping the fabric of Kakashi's shirt hard with his fingers. “I want to stay like this just a little longer.”

 

Kakashi allowed Naruto a few more minutes and then broke away from the young man, continuing again toward his apartment, Naruto walking next to him the entire way.

 

***

 

“Here, it's hot so be careful. You might want to give it a few moments to cool,” Kakashi told Naruto. The blond man nodded and set the cup on the coffee table in front of him. “Naruto, I want to ask you something.”

 

“What's that, Kakashi-sensei?”

 

How does one bring up the topic of death? For most ninja it was second nature, but it seemed difficult to present the question to Naruto.

 

“Naruto, during your training with Jiraiya, did you kill anyone? Not assisting, but actually killing someone with your own hands?”

 

Naruto didn't even have to think about it, the answer was obvious, “No, I haven't…Jiraiya avoided having me…I think he worried what would happen if I had blood on my hands, what Kyuubi might do.”

 

“Ah, yes, that is a worry many of us have had.”

 

“Me too, do you worry about it, Kakashi?”

 

Kakashi thought for a moment, he trusted Naruto, but didn't trust the fox inside of him, and seeing how Naruto had lost control of himself on more than one occasion recently, it did worry the copy-nin. “I'm afraid it does, Naruto. That's why you must only kill if it is necessary, but at the same time…I'm afraid your inexperience with killing will also be something which holds you back.”

 

“Really? Why is that?”

 

“Killing changes you,” Kakashi told his student, and it did. The moment you take the life of an enemy it makes you realize what that blood, that life, really meant.

 

Naruto gulped, “Sasuke…do you think…”

 

“I know he has, Naruto,” Kakashi replied, not even needing to hear the rest of Naruto's question.

 

“Will it give him an edge when we fight?”

 

“It might,” Kakashi responded, “That's why you have to know it might be a weakness for you, but it won't be if you are aware of it. You can't walk into a situation afraid to take life, especially not in a battle with Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Sasuke.”

 

“No, I suppose I can't. I can't even be hesitant of killing Sasuke, can I? Because…I might have to, right?”

 

“Right.”

 

A single tear dropped down Naruto's cheek, “It would be difficult to do, but if I must, then I must.”

 

“We'll do everything we can to avoid such a situation.”

 

Naruto nodded, “I know, and you'll be with me, right Kakashi.”

 

“Hopefully.”

 

Naruto picked up the cup of tea and took a sip, noting it was still far too hot to drink, “Kakashi, I'm not a boy anymore,” he said as he set the tea down.

 

“I know that, Naruto.”

 

“Jiraiya tells me I'm not a man yet either, is that because I haven't killed anyone?”

 

“Absolutely not, I think it's because Jiraiya's afraid to see you grow up. I have to confess that I feel the same way sometimes, because there are moments I don't want to admit that you are a man…but you are.”

 

Naruto waited noiselessly, words trying to break free of his lips, but completely stuck, “Kakashi, have you ever killed anyone you loved before?”

 

Kakashi didn't answer, only sat in stunned silence.

 

“He's more than my brother…more than my friend…I realized that when I was away. In a way I think I love Sasuke more than I ever could love Sakura, more than I could ever love anyone.”

 

Kakashi closed his one uncovered eye, “I've never faced a dilemma like that.”

 

“Have you ever been in love?”

 

“Yeah, but I realized it too late, never admitted it to anyone.”

 

Naruto watched Kakashi as the silver-haired jounin finally opened his eye again, it brimming with unshed tears, ones which Naruto was sure wouldn't fall, they would only hang and wait for all eternity, because Kakashi never cried. Never.

 

“Did I ever tell you what a pain in the ass kid I was? Not like you, but a different kind of pain in the ass.”

 

“I think that's a bit cruel to say about me and yourself, Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto whispered, a slight chuckle hinted in his voice.

 

“Cruel, but true, you were a whiney handful at thirteen, I about killed you. I was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum, but still way too difficult for my age. By the books, everything had to strictly follow the ninja code, I was the kind of scum who I always preach against.”

 

Naruto's eyes watched the melancholy on Kakashi's face, mirroring it with his own expression of sadness, “Yes, you told me about that, before I left to train with Jiraiya.”

 

“I changed because of the person I loved. He taught me about what is truly important.”

 

“Obito-san, right?” Naruto asked, Kakashi nodded. “It's ironic, we both fell for those damn Uchihas. Stupid bastards, the entire lot of them.”

 

“Yeah, but it's difficult when you don't have them around,” Kakashi continued, “I want you to know one thing, Naruto. In a way, Sasuke is already dead. From what little reports we have on his activity, even though Orochimaru hasn't taken Sasuke's body, it's like he's already stolen his soul.”

 

Naruto swallowed hard, “Kakashi…I know Sasuke's already dead. He wasn't inside that person I talked to on the mission. Part of me hopes that I can revive him somehow like Chiyo did with Gaara, but I already know…I'm sure…”

 

“You've already grieved, haven't you?”

 

Naruto nodded, “At this point, if we recapture him, it's only a bonus, but even if we do…the man I loved…”

 

“Is dead?”

 

Naruto nodded again, this time unable to fight back tears.

 

“You came to that conclusion today, didn't you?”

 

“No, way before that,” Naruto squeaked out. “I'll save him, I will Kakashi, but I don't think I can love him anymore.”

 

“It would be cruel to ask you to, but I think you underestimate the power of love, it can't be put to bed as easily as you think. It dies a slow, painful death, and it usually takes a large part of your heart with it.”

 

Kakashi sipped at his mug of tea, unable to bring himself to talk anymore about the realities of loving someone. He hadn't let himself feel love for nearly fifteen years, but the copy-nin still wore the scars from it on his heart.

 

“I've never let my mask fall so far,” Naruto murmured to his teacher. “I never told anyone my doubts.”

 

“Doubts are weaknesses, it's better you don't share them freely, and it's better for everyone else if they don't see your sadness. You are the reason many of them still have hope. Let them keep it, even if we can't.”

 

Naruto leaned over to the coffee table and took his tea into his hands, letting its warmth seep into his palms. “I would never take hope away from Sakura or Tsunade, or any of the others, Kakashi, but thank you for letting me admit the truth to you.”

 

Kakashi allowed a small nod of acknowledgement, but didn't say anything. Naruto leaned back into the couch and closed his weary eyes, the exhaustion starting to get to him.

 

“I should go home and get some sleep, we start training tomorrow at six again, right?” Naruto's quiet voice trailed off at the end of the question and his hand holding the tea went slack. Kakashi caught the cup before it went tumbling into Naruto's lap.

 

Poor Naruto, always trying so hard, and it only leads to places like this, Kakashi thought as he watched the slumping teen sleeping on his couch. “You can sleep where you are tonight, Naruto,” Kakashi whispered and lowered the blond down into a comfortable sleeping position, then leaving to find a blanket for the young man. After digging in his linen closet for a minute, Kakashi found a suitably warm quilt, and placed it gently on the lightly snoring Naruto before walking to his own room to sleep.

 

***

 

Kakashi woke at five a.m., glancing out his window and seeing the nearly full moon spilling light amongst the dark shadows of night. It made the silhouette seated on the edge of the bed stick out against the rest of the dim and ill-lit room.

 

“Naruto, are you okay?” Kakashi asked, noting the boy's shoulders were slumped and he looked extraordinarily sad.

 

“I dreamt of him…like Sasuke used to be…I know it's probably because we were talking about it, but I can't help but to think it was some kind of omen,” Naruto said with a light sniffle.

 

“If Sasuke was his old self, don't you think you should take that as a good omen?” Kakashi asked as he sat up, but didn't move toward the blond.

 

“He told me goodbye.”

 

Well, that wasn't a good kind of omen then, Kakashi thought. It was too bad the copy-nin actually believed in such things, because the pain hit him as well. Naruto and Sasuke were connected, closer to each other than anyone else, and if Naruto had a dream about Sasuke telling him goodbye, then it probably was the end of the Uchiha.

 

Naruto crawled onto the bed, to where Kakashi was…crawled onto Kakashi, straddling his teacher's lap, “I'm going to close my eyes, and when I do, I'll see him.”

 

Kakashi froze. First, he wasn't sure this was healthy for Naruto; second, it definitely wasn't healthy for himself; and third, it would only end up as some awkward and painful memory for both of them.

 

Kakashi didn't stop Naruto when the young man closed his eyes and pulled Kakashi's maskless face to his own, didn't even second-guess when warm lips attacked his. Kakashi kissed Naruto, allowed him this moment of temporary insanity, because it was all the copy-nin could do for his student.

 

Kakashi never closed his good eye, he watched Naruto carefully as the young man spilt such emotion into the kiss, completely wracked with a sad grief as he pretended to kiss the one he loved.

 

Slowly, ever so slightly, Naruto's eyes opened, but the kiss didn't stop, it only deepened. When Naruto's eyes were wide with curiosity he pulled away and murmured something utterly painful to Kakashi, “I can't see him, I can only see you, Kakashi. I'm only kissing you.”

 

“I suppose that isn't good enough, is it?” the copy-nin whispered.

 

Naruto moved in and kissed Kakashi again, “More than enough, Kakashi,” he said into the other man's lips. “I can't kiss someone who's dead, I can only kiss the living.”

 

Kakashi kissed him back, realizing there was only one thing which can repair broken hearts and mend what love has taken away, and that is more love. Letting yourself fall in love again, with someone new…to give them the love they require, and to take the love you need in return.

 

Kakashi pushed Naruto away, only slightly, and focused his eye on the mattress beside them instead of Naruto himself. This was difficult, and could end so badly…Naruto was too close to what he had recently lost.

 

“The same could be said for love.”

 

Naruto cupped his teacher's cheek, “Yes, Kakashi, it could.”

 

`I need you to stand by me, I'm not strong enough alone.' Those words replayed themselves in Kakashi's mind.

 

“I'll stand beside you, Naruto,” Kakashi told the young man as he leaned it to kiss Naruto again.

 

“And I will fight for you, Kakashi.”

 

Sometimes we cannot heal the wounds which remain unseen by our power alone, we can only cover them and wait for someone else to come along. It can take months, years, even decades to completely recover from the wounds of our pasts, but eventually, if you let it, we can heal one another—fix what was broken, fill what was empty, love what was left unloved. We can bandage each other's wounds, and regain the strength we need to persevere.

 

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END OF CHAPTER

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