Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Between A Rock And A Hard Place ❯ The Suicidal Heart ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

I could never forget the first night of my return after I had lost the match against Naruto. For the first time in my life I had been completely and utterly exhausted, bruised and bleeding. Though I was humiliated, I didn't feel all that distraught. In fact I had even felt good natured enough to apologize to the only two people who had ever bothered to care about me in my entire life after Yoshamaru's death. I was pleased because I thought I would finally have the chance to start over. Maybe I could become a new by beginning life as Naruto had. I already had my siblings, maybe that would be enough in my resurrection.
But it seems not everyone was as pleased as I was with the out come of the battle. When Temari and Kankuro had carried my motionless form back to the village, we were stopped in the streets of the town. It was as if everyone had left their homes, work and responsibilities all to mock or congratulate me in the streets for whichever result I had returned in. If I had won, then they would finally have some respect for me. After all any village with a ninja winner from the Chounin exams would become heavily admired ad noticed. And that was all the sand village needed; a new way to bring in tourist and customers. But if I should fail, I would have only further disgraced them since my birth.
It was fate that I should return the loser they had so dreaded to see. The men shouted at me, speaking of my failures and uselessness. The women only turned in shame and the children laughed at my state. To all I was nothing more than the monster they had all lost faith in so long ago. Upon my birth I had shamed them with my hideous inner being which I could no control. They could only shun me more when I had left to redeem my strength and returned a far larger loser than before. I had lost all chances of ever being worthy in their eyes. The same could be said about my father.
My sensei was furious with me when we returned. I was beaten for me insolence, during the only time I was vulnerable enough to receive his mighty and angry blows. With Shukaku's spirit weakened from battle, no one had run out of fear from me. For the first time in my life, I had known and felt the pain of my villager's hatred for me. Before it had only been glares and cursing my name. No one took mercy on the soul who had always been and would always remain a nobody. Merely walking the streets on my own that first week of chakra loss, ha been nothing but dangerous encounters.
"Well lookie who it is!" One child around my age at the time yelled to a group of friends. They sneered and frowned upon seeing me. I had intended to ignore them and go on my way, but they followed me. "Hey freak! Let's see how you like being scared by someone stronger than you!" He exclaimed. In seconds he had knelt to the ground, taking up a large rock and throwing it toward me. I was foolish to think the sand would protect me now, at such a weak state. I had fallen to the ground, gasping in pain as I cupped my now bloodied forehead. I would never forget that pain.
It terrified me to feel. Only when Sasuke and Naruto attacked me had I felt any pain physically. But this was different from those times. The pain I had suffered at their hands had been afflicted by duty and defense, while this new pain was brought by sheer hatred and disgust. And for that unfamiliar fear, I had to run. I fled from the scene quickly; my body in tact but my heart in pieces.
It was another year before I next felt the pain of my people's hatred for me. It was the day my father called me before a council. I sat before a group of old wise kooks with the stoic expression I had become so accustomed to giving. With my legs folded beneath me and my hands cupped in my lap I stared my father in the eyes. It was then that he told me I would take on the position of Kazekage. During the entire briefing I had remained as impassive and unmoving as ever. But the moment I was excused from that clammy four walled room, I had burst into a frenzy of fury.
Never before had just a cruel and inhuman trick been played on me. Father and the others were clearly making fun of me. They were probably laughing it up just behind those paper doors. "What a fool Gaara is?", "The gullible little prick", "How pathetic Gaara is", and "Only a imbecile like Gaara could ever believe he was worthy of such a position"; I had imagined them saying behind his back. It had only been a terrible trick in which they would remind him of his less than human position of dirt beneath their feet. They all knew very well of the threats people would give if I should be put in charge of them, but maybe that was their intent.
What a perfect way to get rid of me? Anger the people enough so that they take action and kill me off once and for all. I was enraged by the thought. Even as I made my way back to my desolate room, I had nearly burned a hole in the floor. But something had caught my attention that next moment. A few workers within the home were talking about rumors from other villages. It was when the name Naruto came up in a conversation that I had paid close attention. The men spoke of a secret organization that had tried numerous times to capture Naruto in order to extract the demon from his body.
I thought it was impossible. There was no way to remove a spirit after it had been infused with your soul and body. But as I continued listening, I heard them mention the same thought. One man finally spoke up and explained that the group did not intent to keep the boy alive after the extraction, that in fact the process would in deed kill the blond. Somewhat angered and relieved by this thought, I rushed away. Of course I did not want anyone but myself to rid the world of Naruto. He was my only true rival and some day I would become stronger than him. But I was pleased to hear about the jutsu in which could remove a demon spirit. And the thought of death...only intrigued me more.
I began my search with anything that could tell me about this mysterious and obviously forbidden jutsu. There was nothing more encouraging than the thought of finally being torn from the being that had given me so much pain and heart ache, even if it meant I would have to die for it. Whatever the outcome, I would have accomplished something. If I were to successfully remove Shukaku from me and live, them my villagers would have no other reason to hate me anyone. Maybe I could go on living a normal life. And if I should fail and die, at least I would have been given the gift that was thought impossible for me. With the sand to protect me, I would never be able to die a normal death and would live for eternity with the suffering of such an existence.
That was why I had tried so hard to find the scroll that contained this jutsu. My luck had finally turned good when I had found exactly what I was looking for only seven months after my discovery. That was a pretty decent time considering how unknown the jutsu was and how expensive it would be to anyone's cause. When the scroll finally came into my possession, I jumped at the chance to use it. There was only one problem. As I read the directions for the process of the extraction I discovered in order to perform this jutsu myself, I would have to give my own blood in the transaction. Naturally this had proven to be a difficult fleet.
With one who was immune to any wounds by blades, it would be impossible for me to retrieve my own blood. Try as I may, I could never inflict any damage upon myself without the sand leaping up to shield me. So I had nothing better to do than sulk until I could think of an actual solution to my problem. Then it came to me one day when I was going over some paper work with Kankuro, maybe I didn't need all my blood to complete the jutsu. I had two siblings with half my blood. Shouldn't that be enough to get it to work. It would almost be like my blood, right? At the time it had made perfect sense.
"Kankuro..." I interjected while he was trying to show me how to properly go over these proposal for the town. He hesitated before continuing his lecture and stared at me with mild curiosity. It was rare I spoke to him about something other than my new duties as the Kazekage. "Can I..." my face reddened at the thought of asking such a ridiculous question, but I had to, "have some of your blood?" I could see the sudden disbelief in his eyes as he gave me this skeptical look. I wonder what he thought of me that moment; was I some sort of Sadistic freak or perhaps a vampire, like one of those childish horror stories grown ups told their children about.
"Uh...sure Gaara." He replied. I was completely shocked he had agreed to such a silly and suspicious thing. How could I have known that in his mind at that second, Kankuro was agreeing because it was one of the ver few things I had ever asked from him; and simply knowing that his help was actually needed had given the older teen hope on future cases in which I could come to him for anything. "But, why?" He suddenly added the second part of his agreement.
"I wanted to try out a new jutsu." I told him truthfully. I saw no point in telling him a lie now when I was probably going to be dead or reborn before next week. Automatically he suspected I was learning a summoning jutsu since that was the only thing he could think of that required blood. If only he had questioned me more, he might have realized a summoning contract was conducting only for the person who had given the blood. But I was pleased to know he had pushed the matter any deeper. It was certainly awkward the next few minutes. I had told him I needed at least a pint of blood, which he poured from a self-inflicted cut on his arm into a small bowl. It was the first and last thing I would remember Kankuro doing for me, the nicest thing in fact he had ever done for me.
And so the night after everyone had gone to bed, I had snuck into the basement. I spread out the scrolls I needed in order to write out all the symbols across the floor in blood. You would never had imagined Temari's fear when she opened the fridge to find a bowl of Kankuro's blood in there just a few hours before dinner. It was one of the very few times I could remember actually sharing a laugh with Kankuro. That thought made me sad. Why was it only now that I had taken the action of being a more brotherly figure to my siblings when I was about to leave them? Wouldn't it make them sad to know they lost someone who could have been like a brother to them?
That idea was stupid now that I thought about it, no one would miss me if I died. After finishing the preparations, I formed my hand sign. "Please work." I whispered to myself, closing my eyes. The last form I remember seeing behind my closed lids was Naruto's pained expression as he told me of the lonely dark place we had both been to. Hopefully it wouldn't be so lonely any more if I should one day meet him there. With anxiousness, I performed the several hand signs, starting off the extraction.
"GAARA!" I could faintly hear someone screaming. "Damn it! Gaara!" My hollow eyes lightly shifted to the side where I had recognized Kankuro kneeled by my side. His face was contorted with so much fear and pain; I thought he was broken. "Gaara! Please, say something...please..." He worriedly yelled, his hands gripping me tight on the shoulders as he pulled me closer to him. He had pulled me into his arms and the faintest feeling of regret bubbled inside me when I recognized the sudden wet drops over my forehead were actually tears from someone I thought didn't care.
"Kan...kuro..." I struggled to say. He stiffened at the sound of my voice but only clung tighter to my limp form. It was then the extent of my actions had dawned on me and reality finally seeped in. I was alive. But was I successful, had I failed?
"Thank goodness you're alright!" Kankuro stammered. But those words only make me shudder with repulsion. I was alive; I realized again. "You scared the crap out of me! Don't ever do something so stupid again!" Kankuro yelled at me, yet the words fell on deaf ears. I suppose this was when Temari and Kankuro started worrying so much more about me. I hazily looked around the room, it was a mess. I guessed some time during the transaction, the remainder of Kankuro's blood from the bowl had splattered across the floor and wall. I found myself wishing I had brought my gourd of sand just to test my abilities and see if I was successful in my attempt.
Naruto had trouble standing when listened to Gaara try to explain. How was a guy suppose to act when he heard his friend and boyfriend had once tried to commit suicide, and all because he found out about Naruto's own experiences? The blond couldn't help but feel partially responsible. Tsunade was in the same trance as Naruto; speechless and contemplating the matter further.
"You failed didn't you?" Tsunade asked knowingly when Gaara refused to progress with his reasoning. The boy merely nodded in shame. But she suppose it had to be the truth that Gaara had no idea what event the jutsu would have on everyone else. "Because you didn't use your full blood, only a part of Shukaku could be extracted." Tsunade went on in explaining. Gaara's head lifted up as he stared at her with surprise. Naruto was more attentive as well. "You two should know that whenever a demon loses its physical form it's soul can still wander into another body. Like the cast of your births."
"What does that have to do with now? How can you blame Gaara for making everyone sick? It's obvious he didn't do it." Naruto defended quickly.
"But he did Naruto, unknowingly as it was. Shukaku needed a new host since he had been cast partially from Gaara. Do you know how toxic a demon's aura can be?" Tsunade asked. Naruto shook his head. "The only people Shukaku has left to go into are the villagers. Unfortunately, the body will never accept a new intruder so easily. Being babies, you bodies were always more vulnerable to germs, so it was easy for your body to accept the change and adjust. Grown ups however, will try fighting till the very end. You see Naruto, I can not help these people because Shukaku's spirit has entered them. Either they must fight him off themselves, which it mostly unsuccessful being your up against a powerful demon; or you actually give in and let Shukaku take complete control of their bodies. When Shukaku finally finds the perfect host, he will no longer need Gaara's body as a backup to return to after every unsuccessful search."
Naruto scratched his head a bit. "But you just said Shukaku couldn't come back because he was cast out!" Naruto accused, pointing to Tsunade.
Tsunade merely ignored Naruto's rude outburst. "That is exactly why Gaara is getting ill. Once out, his body is no longer familiar with all of Shukaku's being. But having Shukaku leave Gaara entire may also kill him. Theirs souls are still connected some so the extraction will in fact be lethal. The only way to stop Shukaku from infecting everyone else, is to put him back in Gaara in a way that doesn't kill him. But I am no specialist in jutsu like that, since this case is not at all medical." Tsunade explained. "Until we find someone who can, I suggest you stay away from Gaara, Naruto."
"What?! Why?!" Naruto yelled out, throwing his fist up in the air. Gaara turned back to Tsunade with an expecting look. He too was curious as to why he must be parted from the one he loved. He didn't completely understand all this, but surely them being together wouldn't cause that much problems.
"You must Naruto. Why do you think your chakra is faltering whenever your around Gaara?" Tsunade barked back viciously. "You are the perfect candidate for Shukaku!" She pointed at the blond seriously. "One who already has a demon spirit show know how to adjust to one. Since you've been here Shukaku has only been draining you of all your chakra so that he can strengthen himself and take over your body!" She exclaimed. "A few days longer with Gaara, and you would be sick as a dog! So until we get this all cleared up, you are forbidden from seeing Gaara!" Naruto’s jaw dropped immediately. This really couldn’t be happening could it?!
To Be Continued…
A/N: I tried my best to develop a cause that made sense, do you think so? Since the show Naruto has all these cool and complicated reasons for things, I thought I would at least try to keep in some of the traditional aspects of the show in tact. Anyway, this is why Sasuke and Naruto have a chance to develop a better standing relationship. I have to make the seme’s fight for love more meaningful since they both had their chances with Naruto. So please review! And thanks so much for the comments already! Your views and critiques really help out. Though I don’t think I’m improving much on spelling, lol. Later!