Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Breakaway ❯ The Unwilling Spectator ( Chapter 2 )

Breakaway

 

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Chapter 1: The Unwilling Spectator

 

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Ex-spectator
By Fugazi


Looking out for cars and mortality trying to find some sort of geometry
Avoiding mistakes keep an eye on every step I take
Everything is building and it appears that you're all architects and engineers
That's how it looks that's how it looks from here
I'm an ex-spectator can't you see
I'm an ex-spectator never let me, never let my, never let my vision get in the way of
Here's some questions that the writer sent
Can an observer be a participant?
Have I seen too much?
Does it count if it doesn't touch?
If the view is all I can ascertain pure understanding is out of range
If I make that call why can't I make that change?
I'm an ex-spectator can't you see?
I'm an ex-spectator never let my never let my vision get in the way of me

 

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Her sea-green eyes drank in her situation. Like always, they just watched. Never any suggestion of taking up arms and duking it out alongside her comrades. No, she just watched as she had always done.

 

She sat beneath the bush, deceiving herself into the notion that she too would step forward and get her shots in. But she knew better. She was a coward, a watcher. All she ever did was observe her teammates.

 

Like right now, she observed stupid Naruto and Kakashi fighting. Or, maybe it was just Naruto hopelessly trying to land anything that might be considered even a breeze on their sensei's form. Kakashi was just enjoying his perverted book, avoiding Naruto's careless swings like one avoids walking into the sides of buildings.

 

She didn't know where Sasuke was though. After that absolutely horrid genjutsu, Sakura was worried sick about her teammate. Not that she would ever be able to help him, but that didn't stop her from fretting about his health. All while hiding beneath her perfectly safe bush.

 

When the exercise finally drew to a close and stupid Naruto bound tight to a log, Sakura felt shame settle in like it always did. Kakashi chided her for being so attached to Sasuke and ignoring stupid Naruto. Well, who wouldn't ignore him? Like how everyone ignored her? He was loud, annoying, and most of all, he was stupid Naruto who hit on her with his every living breath. She shot a pissed glare at Naruto who was smiling idiotically at her.

 

Stupid, stupid Naruto…

 

But what could she say for herself? At least Naruto had tried. All she'd done was watch. Always watching, always observing. Life's little spectator.

 

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Sakura was pissed once again. At herself and her perverted sensei.

 

“But Kakashi-sensei, I want to help! Please!”

 

The lazy jounin peered down at her from droopy eyelids. “No. Stay here and…protect Tazuna-san.” He reached down and ruffled her hair affectionately, in the only way that pissed Sakura off even more.

 

She fought off tears once again. So she had to protect the bridge-maker huh? A sissy job for the sissy kunoichi. She clutched her hands into fists and fought off her personified fury, wanting nothing more in the world than to show her patronizing teacher that she was capable.

 

That she didn't just want to sit and observe. To watch as her friends got hurt. She'd rather be hurt with them. She didn't want to be protected; she wanted to be a protector. She wanted to amount to something, but no one was giving her the chance. Just because she hid the first few times, they assumed she couldn't do anything.

 

But Kakashi was her sensei, and their team leader. She had to obey his instructions to the T. So she angrily stepped away from Kakashi's hand and fell back next to the sheepish old man. Retreated to watch again, to observe as her friends fell in battle to protect her helpless ass, and regard her as one regards something weak. No wonder Sasuke called her annoying.

 

She couldn't even help herself, much less participate in battle.

 

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Sakura gritted her teeth and swiped messy bangs as they clung to her sweaty forehead. Messy because she had just given herself an impromptu haircut. She couldn't believe that she had done that, but this was her time.

 

Here, right now, she could prove her teammates and her sensei wrong. She could prove that she was equal to them, that she could fight alongside with them.

 

Her sea-foam green eyes clashed with blue and she growled. Ino-pig was all that stood between her and that recognition. Between being idle and making a name for herself. Her parents were about ready to disown her, frowning at the fact that in all of Team 7's adventures, nowhere did their daughter's name come up.

 

It was all `Sasuke this' or `Naruto that,' or even `Kakashi-san did this and that.' And Sakura was scared. Deep down she was terrified. Her own parents couldn't believe in her abilities. No longer was having perfect chakra control something for them to be proud of. What good was it to have good chakra control, but no way to use it usefully?

 

Sakura's ninjutsu and genjutsu abilities were less than that of a child's. Sure, she could dispel hard genjutsus, but she couldn't form them. She could memorize seals easily, but couldn't perform them quick enough or she couldn't find the depth of chakra needed to amplify the jutsus needed. And let's not even touch on her taijustu. This is really what had her parents reeling.

 

She was so bad at it, she was sure than even a non-graduated gennin could out do her.

 

But here, with Ino-pig, she could redeem herself. She could rise above and get everyone to look at her again. All it took was beating Ino-pig. No problem.

 

But deep down Sakura knew, just knew, she would fail again. That she would just end up on the sidelines again, cheering on her teammates and classmates. That once again, she'd just be an insignificant face in the crowd, indistinguishable, and easily forgotten.

 

And she lunged, and the minute she felt her fist make contact with Ino's head, she knew. She knew it was all for nothing, this entire struggle for a name, for recognition. Was this what Naruto felt? This sucking fear and despair from knowing people looked right through you?

 

And then she blacked out in her pain and heart-rending sorrow.

 

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Why? Why does this keep happening? Why hide? Why sit back and watch events unfold although others are dying? Getting hurt?

 

Sakura bit her lip. She had just snapped out of a genjutsu that had been laid over the crowd. Over the spectators. She was honestly surprised that she wasn't with them. All hell had broken loose, and she was coherent for it.

 

But she still couldn't do anything about her case. The ANBU in the stadium were overwhelmed, so what could a little gennin like her do to help the situation? No, she had to sit back and watch again. Watch as Sasuke chased down Gaara. Watch as the Third Hokage fought for his life and as Kakashi gathered up her and Naruto to follow Sasuke.

 

And she followed Sasuke, she followed Naruto, followed Kakashi, never leading the way, never any affirmative or preventative action; just followed.

 

Then she watched as Sasuke withered against Gaara, against the Shukaku. And then she felt something snap. She wouldn't watch as the Sand shinobi slaughtered her teammate. And for the first time, she moved. And was exhilarated as she saved Sasuke from the killing blow.

 

But terror swept through her again. Those eyes…

 

The half that was Gaara glared at her, and what she read in those eyes…she knew he too was struggling. Just like her. Struggling to find a name, to find recognition. And she saw in him, what she knew was growing in herself; the loathing, the hatred. And she was terrified, yet mystified.

 

To find someone like her. To see what she could become. And Gaara must have seen it, he had to have seen it.

 

Because he hesitated. He looked into her eyes and stopped, and recognition blossomed over his face. Recognition…

 

What did he identify? What similarity? Sakura was entranced. She wanted to know.

 

But she passed out yet again.

 

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And wouldn't she know it. Someone was underestimating her again. And it hurt once again. She was still smarting from her parent's betrayal. They had just stripped her of their family name. Sakura was no longer Haruno Sakura. Just…Sakura. She still lived with them, but after her failure to achieve chuunin her parents had been too shamed to claim her as family.

 

She had hoped that her friends would stay. The only ones that, though they underestimated her, did in fact see her. But they were falling apart. And she was watching it happen once again.

 

Gone, leaving. She had faced Sasuke, begged him not to go. Used every excuse in the book to make him stay. Heck, she'd offered herself up. But nothing she could say or do was good enough for him. It wouldn't have been good enough for anyone. She was Sakura, and thus anything that came from her was substandard, to be ignored in the grand scheme of things. And it hurt that a friend would do that, brush her off so easily. All her hopes and dreams crushed once again.

 

She had cried, just proving that she nothing to offer.

 

She hadn't watched Sasuke leave, because he knocked her unconscious.

 

And then she had to watch as Shikamaru left with the last of her team, left with stupid Naruto, and his stupid ambitions and stupid hopes. Didn't he get it? Hopes and dreams always get crushed, always get trampled on and left in the dust. Why did he press on? He was only going to be disappointed. Just like her.

 

Then she watched them return, no Sasuke in hand, and all injured. She had sat in Naruto's room and watched him, observed him till he woke up. And she saw his inevitable disappointment. No matter that he tried to cover it with more promises to bring their friend and teammate back. He was tasting it, just like she was; the bitter taste of dreams gone to ashes. She'd smiled for him through tears of self-hatred for what she was doing to him. Giving him more hope, because she didn't have much more heart left to muster her own.

 

Then she'd left. She'd knelt before the esteemed sannin, Tsunade. And she begged. She begged to find a way to help, to rise above being a watcher. Begged to become a medic nin.

 

And was crushed again. And that was what did it in for her. Patronizing friends and no family. She couldn't stay. It was wrong to stay.

 

As Sakura wandered brokenly back into her `home,' she eyed the dusty book sitting on the shelf. Sniffling a bit to herself, she reached up and pulled it into her hands, brushing her fingers over its worn surface. She remembered when she used to idolize this book. She remembered dreaming that one day she would be exactly like her favorite childhood story heroine. She sat down on the couch and curled up holding the book to her chest. She hadn't read it ages, and she felt foolish as she opened the aged, brittle yellow pages once again.

 

Her turquoise-green eyes skimmed over the words of the beginning, and she felt a little hope flare up once again.

 

`Once upon a time, a little girl made a promise to herself…'

 

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A/N: And end chapter one, a basis for Sakura's frame of mind in the story. I know it seems kinda rushed, and I do apologize. I'm not always the most patient person in the world, you must understand. Hehehehe…

 

Anyways, shout outs to my reviewers! Thank you to the following: The Squabbit, DarkAngelB, Yadi, Astaildiarfreak, Lady-Azura, and SweetAssassin.