Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Chunin Blues ❯ Chapter 1

A/N: Another crackfic, yet again inspired by Bagel-san… (also inspired by late nights and Kaida-san. Hooray for late night Chinese food sessions of insanity!)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kakairu

 

 

“Kaka-sensei! Kaka-sensei!” The sound of a whirring shuriken and an annoyed blonde later, the dust settled. “Hey!” Naruto was never one to be down long, and a shuriken or two missing his face by milli-fractions of a millimeter was no deterrent. “What's that on your neck?”

 

Kakashi looked shifty-eyed at the surrounding foliage in hopes of a distraction. “Ma…”

 

“It looks like Iruka-sensei's handwri…” Naruto began. This of course drew Sasuke's attention, which in turn, brought Sakura's attention around as well.

 

“Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura interrupted Naruto, “This is why you always wore your mask?” Sasuke gave Kakashi a suspicious glare.

 

“Ma…” Kakashi was frantically waving his hands and looking for some distraction as his mind had gone into a panicked blank-out. “Ma…”

 

“Hey,” Naruto paused. “Kaka-sensei…” There was a long drawn out pause, made tenser by the fact that it seemed Naruto was on the verge of a breakthrough idea. “You're not wearing your mask…”

 

“Dobe,” Sasuke half-sighed, half-sneered.

 

“Naruto, don't bother Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura's fist met Naruto's face. “If Kakashi-sensei wants to show his face in an attempt to counteract his deep subliminal fear of looking like his father we should be supportive.” There was a pause, driven by stunned silence.

 

“Sakura-chan,” Naruto finally spoke up, rubbing his face, “what does sublimininmimimal mean?”

 

Sasuke sighed, “Dobe, it is obviously a thought existing or functioning below the threshold of consciousness.” He continued in a disappointed tone of voice, “That's partially what the sharingan is about you know.” There was a moment of reflective silence. “Which is why I MUST KILL MY BROTHER! I must be AN AVENGER!” Sasuke took a moment to compose himself after his outburst, “…Duh.”

 

“Sasuke-kun!” Sakura squealed, “I'm so impressed that you knew that! You're so angsty and smart!” She glared at Naruto, “Unlike someone living up to the dumb blonde image.”

 

“Hey!” Naruto protested, “I recognized Iruka-sensei's handwriting on Kaka-sensei's neck!”

 

All eyes turned to Kakashi, who had been sneaking off the field during the discussion about subliminal fears and avengers. He froze mid-sneak. Somewhere he had found a scarf to cover his neck. (If one looked closely it looked suspiciously like woven tree-bark fibers… Kakashi apparently knew how to weave, and weave quickly.) “Sa,” he said, “I was going to go check on my neighbor's fish…”

 

“LIAR!” Sakura and Naruto screamed in a response conditioned by years of Pavlovian conditioning to Kakashi's lies. Sasuke crossed his arms in such a manner as to indicate that he was, a) reluctantly in agreement with the other two members of his team, b) he could be angsty and curious at the same time, and c) he wanted an explanation, preferably yesterday.

 

“Ma…” Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. “Is it really so important?” Then in a flash of genius, Kakashi blurted, “Hey, Naruto, what about ramen?”

 

Naruto folded his arms across his chest. “Ibiki taught us yesterday to avoid being bribed into distraction.” There was a moment's pause as Sakura and Sasuke contemplated the fact that Naruto apparently knew what a bribe was. Their minds were stuck on the fact that Naruto had managed to learn anything, much less anything Ibiki said.

 

“Kuso, he taught you brats lesson 298 already?” Kakashi frowned, “Naruto, did you just turn down ramen?” He put a concerned hand on the boy's forehead. “Are you alright?”

 

“Iruka-sensei's handwriting. On. Your. Neck. Explain.” Naruto was giving Kakashi one of the most focused glares known to mankind. Kakashi studiously studied the treeline. “Ano…” Suddenly Naruto's brow furrowed in puzzlement. Kakashi hoped it was because the boy was re-thinking the ramen issue. “What was that huge purple bruise next to the kanji on your neck, Kaka-sensei?”

 

In an act of sheer desperation Kakashi cried, “OMG! It's Itachi!”

 

In the ensuing chaos with a raging Sasuke leaping onto the henge-d clone, Sakura clinging to the nearest appendage of Sasuke's she could reach (bringing him down to the ground) and Sasuke actually ending up with a fistful of Naruto's clothes leaving a screaming naked blonde, Kakashi escaped.

 

As he fled through the woods, Kakashi decided that he should probably have just sucked up to Iruka in the first place. If he hadn't been teasing Iruka about dating other people, Iruka wouldn't have become possessive. If Iruka hadn't been madly possessive, none of the bad things that had happened today (because Iruka tattooed “property of Umino Iruka” on Kakashi's neck and then given Kakashi an impressive hickey, ripping his mask in the process and destroying all the others) would have happened. Kakashi pouted. Maybe he should have stayed home today. Maybe. Or maybe…

 

Kakashi sped through the trees in hopes of catching a certain teacher coming out of class. If he were lucky, he could get in some great make-up/guilt sex out of Iruka.