Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Fetish? What's A Fetish? ❯ Saving Private Sasuke, Part 1 ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

-----Author’s note: For the benefit of those who may have similar questions, I am publicly replying to these reviews:

To DRAGONCOREY: I found the list by punching in: ‘gay music’ into google, and it was the first link to come up, titled: MY GAY MUSIC TOP 100. I’m not even kidding, man. From there, I just picked at random.

To animegeek22: I never explicitly said Sasuke was gay, you’re making an assumption. Granted, it’s one I led you to, but beyond his terrible taste in music there’s no substantial proof. Bear in mind that the chapter’s title was ‘The Misunderstanding’.....

To Dark Lord Tokunaga: HA! Awesome. If ever you do think of a good idea, feel free to suggest. By the fans, for the fans. That’s how I roll.

I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----


Our young blonde friend found himself at one of the local stores, walking up and down the magazine aisle as he surveyed the various goods it offered. It had been a good fifteen minutes, and he knew a decision was at hand.

Asuma and Kurenai had been watching him for these last fifteen minutes, both wondering just what he was doing. Their ninja stealth had allowed them to remain undetected from the aisle behind the young genin, their mere standing more quiet than even Naruto could pick up on.

“What do you think he’s gonna pick?” Kurenai whispered to her friend, who shrugged in response.

“I don’t even know. Something about this guy, though.....he’s on to something. That question he asked me yesterday.....He’s smart for someone his age. There, he picked something, let’s go see,” Asuma walked around and out his aisle to enter Naruto’s, a confused Kurenai following.

“What do you got there, Naruto?” The male jounin asked pleasantly strolling over to the blonde and putting an arm around his shoulder.

“Cosmo Girl,” The genin replied casually, flipping the book open.

Kurenai stifled a laugh, bringing her hand up to her mouth, “Wh-What are you doing with a Cosmo Girl?”

“I’m gonna cut out words that describe the stupidity of that question and make a rhetorical question collage,” Naruto cast Kurenai a frown, “What do you think I’m doing with it? I’m reading it!”

“Wow, that response was a little more in depth than I expected from you, Naruto. Do you even know what rhetorical means?” Asuma asked, arm still around the blonde’s shoulder.
“Nope, but I’m guessing I used it right because she looks pretty surprised.”

“.....Uh, yeah,” Kurenai mumbled, “Seriously, why the sudden interest in girl magazines?”

“I need it to understand some.....things. This is going to help me understand these.....things. Once I deal with these.....things, Sakura-chan and Ino are going to help me with some other.....things. .....Yeah,” He was looking at Kurenai like she had some sort of disease. The jounin noticed he wasn’t looking so much at her face as he was the rest of her, as if he were.....

“Naruto, are you undressing me in your mind?” She asked, raising an arm across her chest.

“No, but those guys are,” The blonde stated, pointing down to the end of the aisle, where a small cluster of men had formed. At their being busted, they quickly dispersed, running away in case they had angered her. They had. She chased after them, ready to kick some perverted ass.

“I’m not sure what it is, Naruto, but you’ve changed,” Asuma admitted, patting the blonde on the back, “Using a teen girl magazine to get into their heads and try to figure them out.....you’re something else,” The jounin grabbed himself a Cosmo Girl, and left to pay, “I’ll take care of that one for you, on me. Get out of here and figure this all out. I’m pulling for you, man.”

With a quick thanks, Naruto was off at a jog, heading back to the hospital.

“Undress me now, you asshole!” Kurenai shouted from somewhere off in the store. Asuma wasn’t all that surprised when a man went flying through the air and crashed into shelves of food on his way down.

“You know, I’m sure they just meant it as a compliment,” The jounin shouted to his friend, making a mental note to never mentally undress Kurenai ever again.

-

Back at the hospital, Naruto was with Ino as she signed her release forms. Sakura, who had yet to get a solid grip on her unrelenting bawling, was still considered a suicide risk, and thus was not allowed to leave.

“That’s fine, we can start the process without her, anyway,” The girl blonde laughed. Naruto was guessing that she didn’t want Sakura to take part in anything that involved Sasuke. He wasn’t going to say that, but he was definitely thinking it.

As the two left the hospital, Naruto let Ino take the lead as she made her way towards her own house. As the two walked along, the girl realized that her company was looking at her through the corner of his eye in a rather thoughtful way. Actually, it wasn’t out of the corner of his eye. He was turned so he could stare at her in a rather blunt and embarrassing manner. She would have had to be blind to miss it.

“What is it?” She finally asked, eager to get his eyes off of her. Something about his gaze was making her feel dirty, like she should feel guilty about something she hadn’t even done.

“Ino, you’re a girl, right?” Naruto asked. He was answered with a punch to the back of the head, followed by an angry ‘yes’, “Ok, so, do you.....own.....a dong?”

After blinking a few times, she asked, “Excuse me?”

“D-Do you.....have a peter?” He decided to reword his question, though it was still awkward to ask.

Ino grinned a little bit, “Naruto, are you trying to ask me if I have a boyfriend?”

It was at this particular time that Shikamaru Nara spotted his two friends, and hurried up to them from behind only to hear Naruto say, “Uh, no, I’m trying to ask you if you have a penis.” He quickly wheeled around, and made off in the opposite direction. There was seriously something wrong with Naruto lately.....

“WHAT?” Ino shrieked, grabbing Naruto by the hair and lifting him into the air. She proceeded to punch him in the stomach with her free hand, “Why would you ask me something like that, you sicko?”

As people around them in the streets began to take notice of the violent Naruto beating that was occurring, Ino got incredibly embarrassed and stopped, continuing her walk home at a faster pace.

“L-Look,” Naruto gasped for air as he lurched after his flushed friend, “I’m just asking because I don’t know.....Anko doesn’t have one, the girl in the tape didn’t have one.....”

“Don’t even talk to me about your smutty sex tape, Naruto! I’m serious! Only Sasuke-kun gets that privilege!” It took a few seconds before Ino registered the rest of that sentence, “When did you see Anko naked, Naruto?”

“Promise me you’ll never go to her house, Ino. I’m not kidding, don’t go there,” The blonde male shook his head slowly as Ino turned to look at him, which was a good sign. She wasn’t so mad that she wouldn’t look at him, which meant his question still had hope of being answered, “So?”

“So what?”

“Do you have one?”

“NO! Of course I don’t, I’m a GIRL!”

“So.....does that mean all girls don’t have one? It’s not just a few of you?”

“Yes, Naruto, no girl has a.....dong, you eloquent bastard.....” She sighed, blushing harder than she could ever remember having blushed. .....Last night didn’t count.

“Wow. All of this time, girls have been so different.....Asuma’s right, I really do have a lot to figure out,” Naruto tilted his eyes skyward in thought.

“Huh?”

“Hey, does that mean that Hina-”

Stopping him before he could sound like any more of an idiot, Ino interrupted, “Hinata doesn’t have one, either.”

“Geez.....Hey, Ino?” He brought his gaze back down from the heavens, looking over at the blonde girl with a smile.

“Please don’t ask me another question,” The girl muttered.

“One more? Please?”

With a sigh, Ino nodded just slightly.

“Will you eventually grow one?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, even though she was turning a little redder, “No, Naruto, girls never have them.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, Naruto replied, “That’s unbelievable. I had no idea, all this time. Crazy.”

“Well, you’ve always known that women were different from men, right?”

“Not really all that different, no.”

“What about these?” Ino grabbed two handfuls of her chest, “That must have given something away.”

“Actually, I thought that those were just so we could tell the difference between men and women. According to the video I watched last night, though, you drink from them.....” He looked away as he said the last part, almost hoping Ino hadn’t heard it.

“Where the hell did you get that thing, anyway? You can’t legally buy that kind of video, you’re not old enough!”
“Kakashi-sensei gave it to me to teach me about sex.”

Her mouth hanging wide open, she just stared at Naruto.

“Yeah, I didn’t think it was such a big deal, but now I know why he didn’t want to tell me about it. He just did what he thought was right.”

“Ok, whatever. But.....what else did you think set women and men apart? Besides the chest thing,” She ventured to ask, now a little curious herself.

“Well, nothing. Their voices are a little different sometimes, but that’s about it,” Naruto admitted innocently.

“What about their faces and hair? Girls have.....girlier faces, and longer, shinier hair. Didn’t that ever make you wonder if there were any other differences?”

Naruto motioned to Neji Hyuuga as he passed by them without a word, “Girly face, long shiny hair.....Nope, never really crossed my mind.”

“Oddly enough, I can understand that. Wow.”

“No kidding ‘wow’,” He grinned, following Ino into her house, then up the stairs and into her room. The girl closed the door and locked it so that they wouldn’t be interrupted during their research and plan making. In a matter of seconds, a feat Naruto couldn’t quite comprehend, Ino had flown around her room and distributed teen magazines all across her floor and bed. Situated quite comfortably on her stomach on her bed, her legs kicking lazily back and forth behind her, she flipped through a magazine in search of an answer.

Naruto sat down on the clear spot of the floor she had left him, marveling at the sheer number of teen magazines he was surrounded by. He opened it up and was immediately barraged with words he didn’t understand at all.

“Hey, Ino, what’s a twink?”

“Not important, keep reading.”

A few seconds later, “Hey, Ino, what’s a perineum?”

“On the right track, keep reading.”

A few more seconds later, “Um.....Ino, what’s rimming?”

That was when Ino decided it might be a good idea for her to take a look at what Naruto was actually reading. She held out her hand, but Naruto was already turning the page, “Oh, there’s pictures over.....OH MY GOD!” He threw the book at Ino, who caught it and stuffed it under her covers as she realized she had given Naruto one of her.....bedtime stories.....on accident, “What the hell was that? Holy crap, woman, what are you showing me that for?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Ino apologized, turning a violent crimson as Naruto found out she read smutty books, “Don’t tell anyone, please? It’s embarrassing.....”
“More like traumatizing, holy hell on a cracker.....that’s it, cracker. Cracker leads to soup, soup leads to ramen, ramen leads to good. Ok, I’m alright,” He succeeded in calming himself down, looking for a second piece of material to read.

Ino smiled a little, finding Naruto’s innocence.....cute. Realizing she was no longer red from embarrassment, but something else, she squeaked a little and looked away. He might be innocent to the point of no return, but that was definitely no reason to think of him as anything other than a little blonde idiot.

Raising an eyebrow as he spotted a volume of Icha Icha Paradise, he brushed it aside and grabbed the book beneath it. The thin book was entitled ‘The Wonders Of Brachioproctic Eroticism’. He had no idea what that meant, but he wasn’t about to read Icha Icha Paradise. .....Poor, poor Naruto.

“Alright, let’s put a stop to Sasuke-kun’s gayhem, once and for all! Keep going, Naruto!” Ino cheered, returning to her book.

Naruto flipped his own book open, “Right, you can count on.....I-Ino, please tell me that’s not what I think it is.....”


-----Author’s other note: If you don’t know what some of these words meant: Lucky jerk. If you MUST know, look them up, because I’m not going to spell it out. I don’t recommend looking the brachioproctic one up, though. My research has mentally scarred me, and all I did was read a paragraph definition. I also didn’t know what ‘rimming’ or ‘perineum’ meant, and wish I didn’t, now. The internet is a terrible, terrible place.

Yes, Ino has perverted books. She rocks.

Again, thank you for the reviews. Being that they’re the only way I can determine how I’m doing, I ask that you at least think about leaving me one. I’m not gonna beg, but still.

Well, now I’m off to the hospital to take care of sick handicapped babies because the nurses are neglectful. I’m not kidding, either. True story. I know, I kick ass. Thanks for reading.....-----