Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Forced Fate ❯ Haunted ( Chapter 7 )

Naruto did not often ponder things very long… if at all. It wasn't in his nature; things were either right or wrong, black or white, good or bad, and it was that simple. That had always been his philosophy on things… until now.

Naruto sat on his hospital bed, lower lip stuck out, face resting in his right palm, pouting. He was hurt, irritated, confused, and mad, and the fact that he felt all those things just caused him more distress. He was a roil of emotions, his mind was befuddled with conflicting theories… He was a mess, and there were two people to blame for that… Itachi and Sasuke.

"Damn you Itachi." Naruto hissed in irritated anger. He couldn't curse the genius ninja enough. The older Uchiha was a great shinobi, and it irritated Naruto to admit it but there was no denying it; Sasuke's look-alike was one hell of a good ninja. That insufferable Itachi had left him feeling so perplexed and self-questioning it was disturbing; no one had ever made him feel that way… ever.

It seemed the older Uchiha knew exactly where to hit Naruto to cause the most damage, his emotions, his spirit, his self-assurance. Itachi poked at and manipulated each of his greatest attributes, twisting and questioning them.

He was who he was. Naruto was Naruto, everyone knew that; no one questioned him or discussed his feelings with him. No one asked Naruto to think, use his head, logically deduce things… They accepted him for the idiot they thought he was, dismissed his antics with a wave, a look, a word, or all of those things.

Nobody ever really listened to what he had to say, or what he thought, not enough to consider them anyway. So Naruto never had any reason to wonder if he was right or wrong about something, if he was being fair, hypocritical…

Any time anyone had ever listened, or better yet accepted what he had to say or thought, and by acceptance that meant they weren't going to argue or call him a dumb-head, was after he'd defeated an enemy or proven that sometimes he could be useful. Even then their acceptance was more a 'thank God for small favors' type deal rather than a 'wow Naruto is quite a ninja under all that clumsiness and bluster'. Sure, maybe sometimes those around him thought him a good competent ninja, but that was usually fleeting. He usually managed to bring them back to reality quick enough when he next opened his mouth or tripped over his own feet.

He wasn't used to being taken seriously, wasn't used to people listening to him, and he certainly wasn't used to people discussing his philosophies with him like they actually mattered.

Itachi had delved into his mind, ripped out his philosophies, his "way of the ninja", analyzed them, then posed questions to Naruto while simultaneously showing him awful images that disputed, refuted, and made him doubt his "way". The S-ranked outlaw had said and shown Naruto some terribly painful things, and it seemed to Naruto that there were several truths to the things Itachi said and did.

So many thoughts and questions were raging through Naruto's head, clawing at his mind and soul. Overwhelming confusion pounded his brain, but unbidden self-doubt, a feeling that before his encounter with Itachi was foreign to him, kept rearing its ugly head from time to time haunting his musings, forcing him to question many things that before were a certainty.

The older Uchiha had him turning himself inside out dissecting every facet of himself and his relationships. The thought that this was most likely what Itachi wanted him to do still couldn't stop him from doing it, and this irritated him more than he already was. He tried several times to stomp his doubts and questions into hiding, but failed miserably several times.

Naruto had been depressingly amazed at how inept he'd been against Itachi. He'd spent the last two years vigorously training his body and mind, and he had been quite successful at making both more powerful but evidently not powerful enough, not to take on the dangerous Uchiha anyway.

Weeks ago Naruto had found himself against the sharingan master and was beaten more soundly than he ever thought possible. In fact, if it weren't for the Kyuubi, he'd probably be dead.

The Itachi encounter had left him unconscious for weeks, or so Sakura had told him. The blond shinobi had exhausted his mind, body, and energy fighting against the mental trauma Itachi was hammering him with. He'd been severely weakened from too much chakra use, and when he finally woke in the hospital he'd had the most skull-splitting headache and a severe memory gap.

The demon fox had taken over right before he'd passed out from severe exhaustion. Apparently the nine tails was not susceptible to the mangekyou sharingan, and was able to turn the tables on Itachi.

The fox demon had held the Uchiha in thrall in his own red, white, and black world, refusing to release the Akatsuki until he was dead. The sharingan offered Itachi some protection from the Kyuubi's mental assault, but it had caused the Uchiha nearly every single shred of strength and chakra he'd possessed.

The Kyuubi had held the Akatsuki in Tsukuyomi limbo until Naruto's body couldn't handle the powerful demon's chakra any longer; it had begun to erode, so the fox had to retreat. Thankfully the Uchiha was too weak to be a threat to his vessel. The murderous shinobi's sharingan and Naruto's eroding body had bought Itachi enough time to survive.

The demon fox had kept greedily sucking all the images Itachi had to offer, stuffing them deep into Naruto's subconscious; the Uchiha wasn't able to pull out of his own jutsu, and was forced to expend enormous amounts of stamina and energy.

Unfortunately the Kyuubi had no way to permanently keep the images away from Naruto, and he was forced to experience them almost as soon as he'd woken in the hospital. It was Naruto's mention of Sasuke that had brought the buried images to life. The Kyuubi hadn't foreseen this. He'd planned on releasing the implanted memories small piece by small piece.

It seemed the images Itachi had bred, most of which included Sasuke, assimilated themselves with Naruto's real memories. They had fused so the blond ninja's mind had no way of knowing the difference between his real memories and the created ones. All of the thoughts concerning Sasuke flooded into him as soon as his mind tried to recall his dark haired friend.

It had been horrific. Itachi had shown him just exactly what he'd done to Sasuke; he showed him the Uchiha slaughter as it happened, showed him Sasuke's torture, let him hear the words he'd said to the younger Uchiha. 'I just played the part of the brother you always wanted.' Naruto had felt incredible sadness at what had happened to his friend. He'd known Sasuke had been through an awful tragedy, but until Itachi, he hadn't had any idea just exactly how terrible it was.

Itachi didn't stop there. He continued to show him Sasuke's solitude as a child, how Sasuke was set apart from the others, and how the expectations everyone had for him were impossible to meet. He would forever be in the shadow of his brother, and would forever be haunted by everyone's words, 'become a great ninja like your brother'.

Sasuke had never reached his brother's level. He knew he hadn't. He'd been called great and superior by his peers before they even knew what he was capable of; in Sasuke's mind it was solely his name that earned him that reputation, in his mind he knew how lacking he was. And when Sasuke finally felt confident and secure in his abilities, his brother showed up to torture him again, and being as benevolent as he was, Itachi shared that torture of Sasuke with Naruto too.

Naruto had watched helplessly as his best friend's spirit was broken; he was being mentally and emotionally torn down, and all Naruto could do was watch. He understood Sasuke's isolation, he'd had his share of that himself albeit on a different level, but for some reason he felt Sasuke had had it worse.

It seemed an awful responsibility to have to be the best at everything, basically be unbeatable, or everyone saw you as less, or was disappointed, and yet by the standards you were raised with you weren't nearly good enough.

The older Uchiha made sure Naruto saw the sadness of Sasuke's life, felt the same need for power, felt the same kind of solitude, felt his friend's failure, and most of all felt the same loss of family.

Itachi had set him up beautifully, because as soon as Naruto knew Sasuke's suffering personally, felt it as only a good friend or brother would, Itachi showed him how he, Naruto, had helped to push his friend away and made it worse. 'No wonder he went to Orochimaru.'

So here Naruto was now, picking himself apart, berating himself for his blindness and stupidity, and feeling terribly guilty. He'd hated the way he chose to treat Sasuke before their mutual truce. Of course Sasuke was no bowl of cherries, but perhaps if Naruto had been nicer or less jealous Sasuke would have come around. Maybe it was Naruto's incessant challenging of the dark-haired boy that kept Sasuke bitter toward him for so long.

Through all of Naruto's speculation and self-analyzing he'd come to one truth about him and Sasuke… He could have been more understanding. Naruto wiped a small trickle of tears from his cheek. He could have been a lot more understanding. "I'm sorry Sasuke. I thought I knew… but… I didn't'."

He felt like kicking himself. He'd been so stupid about Sasuke. Lecturing his dark-haired friend about weakness, failing to understand his pain, refusing to acknowledge it. He really had no idea what the young Uchiha had gone through, and though Sasuke kept trying to tell him he hadn't listened.

'What kind of a friend was I?' Naruto mentally asked himself. He'd dared call himself Sasuke's friend, but he hadn't been willing to see that friend's pain, refused to see that Sasuke had a rough lonely life simply because he was jealous of him. He wanted so many things that Sasuke had. He'd been so blinded by envy that he wasn't willing to see Sasuke's pain, admit that Sasuke wasn't as lucky as everyone thought.

He'd told Sasuke once that he'd imaged his relationship with Iruka was what having a father must be like, and that he envisioned Sasuke as an older brother to him. It was the imaginary family Naruto had built around himself, had come to love more than anything… probably more than life itself – hell, it was his life.

He'd never realized just how much he'd molded himself around that family until the day it was threatened, until the day it was actually ruined, taken away… 'Damn you Orochimaru for taking him. And damn Itachi for showing me this, and for wounding my friend, so badly.'

Naruto hurt; he wanted his brother back. He wanted Sasuke back. How ironic it was that Sasuke's leaving would give him insight to how tortured the young Uchiha had felt. Naruto had been so angry with Sasuke for being so power hungry, self-righteously lectured him on how he foolishly dwelled on the past.

He remembered the last time he saw Sasuke. It was in the Valley of the End, and they were ruthlessly fighting.

Sasuke couldn't bring himself to kill Naruto, and Naruto couldn't kill Sasuke. Naruto had diffused his Rasengan, diverted his aim and scratched Sasuke's forehead protector, and Sasuke had pulled back his chidori and fisted his hand to stop himself from skewering Naruto. In the end neither had been able to kill the other.

That last touch they shared allowed Naruto to see into Sasuke's heart, and he saw there that Sasuke truly loved him, truly saw him as a brother, a friend, and Sasuke had diffused his lightening edge. In that moment Naruto felt more loved than ever before.

He was important to the Uchiha. He'd seen the feelings Sasuke was so inept at showing, actually felt them. Naruto was recognized and loved by the strongest of his peers; by someone he'd never ever thought would acknowledge him, and it was a wonderful feeling. And now that person who cared so much for him was gone…

Naruto grasped his bed sheets, fisted them tightly in his hands. 'Sasuke's gone. My friend is gone.' He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back his tears but feeling them stream down his face just the same.

Naruto knew only too well now how Sasuke must have felt about the slaughter of his family, understood the deep- seeded hatred against the one who'd committed the crime. The irony was that it was Itachi who had shown him how his dark -haired friend had suffered. The one most hated by Sasuke was the one to make Naruto truly see Sasuke's suffering.

Naruto felt the pain and emptiness of Sasuke's absence, but Itachi had shown him a whole new world of pain, the pain of turning your back on someone you love, of pushing them away. And now that he had experienced this pain he was ashamed of himself.

Itachi had shown Naruto images of what Sasuke's life must be like with Orochimaru. He imprinted images in Naruto's mind of Orochimaru holding Sasuke prisoner, beating him, chaining him up, keeping him in a cage… All the while Orochimaru would look at Naruto accusingly and laugh. The snake man had even said 'thank you' to Naruto, as if the blond ninja had personally handed him Sasuke, and thanks to Itachi Naruto felt that he did.

Naruto knew he shouldn't feel responsible for Sasuke's leaving, knew that despite their differences he had been a good friend to the Uchiha, and knew he'd done all in his power to stop the dark-haired boy from leaving, but he felt truth in Itachi's accusations. Naruto couldn't deny the truth he saw in those awful sharingan-born images. Naruto had been afraid that Sasuke was being locked-up, tortured, chained, and God knew what else at Orochimaru's stronghold, and Sakura had proven that fear false by her brief encounter with the Uchiha. She'd said he looked fine and sort of peaceful, less angry. How she knew that in just those few minutes he didn't know, but it didn't matter because Naruto believed her.

What did matter was that instead of feeling relief and happiness that his friend was okay, Naruto had felt anger and wished to harm the genius himself.

He'd seen the look in Sakura's eyes this morning as she told him about her rescue from Kisame. Her eyes and face had lit up like a brilliant sunrise when she'd said his name… 'Sasuke'. Of course she probably didn't realize it, but Naruto saw it, and he knew it for what it was… Her love for Sasuke hadn't dwindled in the slightest. She was still as besotted with him as ever, and that revelation angered Naruto more than he thought possible. One look from Sakura, and all his sympathy for Sasuke drained away, was swallowed by intense envy.

He'd always thought that he was Sasuke's equal, or dare he think it, better than Sasuke. Naruto had always wanted to be better than his dark-haired friend; longed to see the day he would be known as Uchiha Sasuke's better. Yeah, yeah, he rattled on about being equal, but in reality he wanted to be the best. What better way to become the best than to defeat the best… the genius Uchiha Sasuke. Even the sound of the raven-haired ninja's name sounded great… Uchiha Sasuke, and the sound of his own name, Uzamaki Naruto, sounded as obscure and unpredictable as he was. And to Naruto that was not a good thing.

Jealousy he thought previously buried forever, rose inside him, threatening to regress him years. A part of Naruto knew this was wrong, that to become the Uchiha's adversary again would be the wrong path, but a more primitive part begged him to reopen the rivalry, claimed that his honor and dignity were at stake.

Naruto's broken heart wanted to go after Sasuke, to beat him senseless, but not for leaving, for being who he was. His soul ached to bring the Uchiha pain, the kind of pain he was feeling now, but he was also ashamed at these feelings… deeply ashamed… But…

Why did he always have to lose to Sasuke? Why was he always coming in behind the genius with the noble bloodline? It was true that he'd put all his envy of the sharingan user aside, forgot about it, even moved beyond it, but now that it came to it he realized he hadn't buried the proverbial hatchet very deep. He punched the bed in frustrated anger.

"Why Sasuke, why Sakura? Why did it have to be her?" He whispered with clenched teeth in a trembling pained voice. She was his now, why couldn't Sasuke just let him have this one thing? 'You have everything else. Just let me have her.'

"Rrr." He growled, and whacked the mattress again, loving the loud thud it caused. It was cheap and effective therapy, and a part of him couldn't help but imagine, wish, it was Sasuke.

Long ago, Naruto had accepted Sakura's love of Sasuke and resigned himself to never being considered as more than a really good friend to her. As time went on, he lost any resentment and bitterness over not being able to 'get the girl', and fell into the role of good friend. It hadn't been easy though.

He'd had to bury his fire for her, suppress it, and utterly ignore it. It was the only way he could bear watching her moon over Sasuke. He wished he could have gotten over her, forgotten all about her, but it was impossible for him to truly forget. She was everything he'd ever wanted; she still was.

About a year after Sasuke had left, Naruto had taken Sakura out for her birthday. They'd both had so much companionable fun on that night, something they had not had since the Uchiha left.

He and Sakura had stayed out late, eating ramen and snacks, playing games, shopping… When it became clear that it was time to go home, every shop and restaurant in town was closing, neither had felt like separating.

Naruto had walked her home, something she didn't often allow, and when they had reached her door she invited him in. 'Naruto… would you… like to come in?' Her sweet voice had asked him, and of course he'd stammered out 'o-okay', sounding real smooth.

They'd stayed up the entire night talking and laughing, speaking of old times, reminiscing about moments with their dark-haired friend, a thing they hadn't allowed themselves to do since Sasuke left. It was a night of dealing with pent up feelings, healing emotional wounds, and saying goodbye to the old Sasuke.

He'd almost fallen over when she claimed that her love for Sasuke was not what it once was. She claimed to love him as a close friend. No longer pining for him the way she used to. 'I still miss him, and I want him back with us, but… I think my heart has moved on.' She'd said. Her eyes had looked so deeply into his at the last part, they penetrated his heart, and as if in mutual agreement they kissed.

Naruto remembered every wonderful detail of that kiss. It was the first of many that night. His stomach still somersaulted at the thought of that first kiss. It was long and slow, each slowly getting to know the feel of each other's mouth. It had been wonderful, and that fire for her he thought buried roared to life like a towering inferno.

His mind recalled the kisses they'd shared through their entire year of dating. They were always slow and almost… experimental. She'd caress his cheek, the nape of his neck, and sometimes she'd twine her arms around his neck to kiss him deeply. He'd run his fingers through her hair, rub her back, grab her waist, hold her close… none had ever been passion filled and frenzied, not on her end anyway. He'd tried a few times, because he couldn't help it, but she usually quieted him back down with a soft word or firm touch. Until now, Naruto hadn't minded. He'd loved his mouth lingering on hers, the feel of her warm tongue caressing his. He loved the slowness of it, and besides, he didn't want to rush things.

He'd obsessed over her for so long he didn't want to chance losing her because he couldn't wait for her to adjust to the idea that it wasn't Sasuke she was kissing. Not that she'd told him as much, but Naruto knew that infatuations like she had with Sasuke didn't die fast… or easy. Admitting you were over them was one thing, but actually moving on was another. Especially when you didn't want to move on in the first place. He knew first hand. Sakura was his infatuation.

"You're my Sasuke Sakura. Don't you see?" He whispered, curious as to how it sounded, curious to see if the heavy weight of Sasuke's spirit pressed in on him when he said it. He'd spoke with trepidation, as if afraid his words would wake a strong evil presence.

He'd wanted to say that to her so many times so she'd understand just how much he loved her, needed her. He knew she'd be able to relate to that, but he didn't want to say his friend's name, didn't want to bring him into their relationship, at least any more than he already was. Sasuke's ghost always seemed to linger in their presence, haunt him.

Naruto always feared she thought of Sasuke when he kissed her, feared he'd cause her to be distant if he mentioned the boy's name, feared she'd leave him if Sasuke ever came back… "Sasuke." He whispered almost reverently, tasting the flavor of the name as it fell from his tongue. He rubbed the sheets, softly running the palm of his hand over the fabric, trying to feel the name as well as taste it.

He had to revere the man whose name and presence alone could overpower him in every way. Uchiha Sasuke had outdone him in so many ways his name seemed ethereal, a fey and dangerous thing. That to say the name even in a low whisper would conjure its owner's strength of presence, and doom the speaker to crumbling under its power.

How was it that he could understand this but not see it? He understood the effect Sasuke had on everything and everyone around him; he saw it. But he could not comprehend it because he could not feel it… or so he thought. He was feeling it now in jealousy, anger, hate…

"Uchiha Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke.Uchiha Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke." He tested the name several times trying to see what it was that drew such attraction for the boy. Of course Naruto's voice dripped with sarcastic jealously as he spit and drawled the name, just because Sasuke pissed him off, but… 'Why does everyone covet you so much?' Naruto had once caught Temari kissing Shikamaru. He never alerted them to his presence, and he didn't leave. He just watched, enthralled. It was amazing the way their mouths overlapped, their tongues danced… He could hear their soft moans, watched as their hands explored each other's bodies. They'd seemed… desperate, like one was the life's blood of the other.

He'd seen then that he and Sakura had never experienced such a thing, not together anyway. She was always the brake to his speed, because he definitely wanted to kiss Sakura like that, had tried to a few times, succeeded in dreams, but she was always tentative and experimental, like she was searching for something.

How stupid he'd been, as always. She was waiting to feel that special spark, the one that would ignite a fiery passion inside her, like he saw with Temari and Shikamaru. She was looking for the kind of spark she used to get with just a look from Sasuke. She didn't say so, but she didn't need to. Naruto knew. He knew it with every fiber of his being; he just denied it, wished it away, willed it to not exist.

Naruto clenched his hands in jealous anger and indignation at not being good enough. What was worse was that the kisses had never grown in passion, not once did he excite her the way he knew Sasuke would. Not once did he feel what he saw in his two friends' kiss. He couldn't see the difference before, he thought kissing was kissing, but it was clear as day to him now. 'I can't believe I was so blind!'

Naruto crossed his arms and leaned back on the headboard of the hospital bed, bouncing from gritted teeth to teary eyes and pouty lip. He couldn't decide which emotion he felt more, anger at the damned genius Uchiha for once again out- doing him, or sadness at having lost something he'd wanted so badly for so long.

Being out-done by Uchiha Sasuke seemed to be Naruto's lot in life. He'd been haunted by the talented boy since day one of their meeting. He'd had two years with Sakura without the Uchiha around. One of those years he and Sakura had been a couple… they still were.

Twelve months of hand-holding, secret sharing, kissing… Tears fell fierce and freely down his cheeks, pooling at the corners of his downtrodden mouth; He made no move to wipe them away or stop them.

'Sasuke shows his face for a few minutes, and I'm second best again'. How could he not resent that?

Naruto was so mad. He wanted to hate both of them, but he knew he could never hate Sakura. She couldn't help the way she felt, and she had given him a chance; it's not like she didn't try. Hell, she probably didn't even realize she didn't like Naruto in that way, not like a man loves a woman. Even now, after seeing Sasuke she'd probably still try to love him, but Naruto knew it would never work out, and he was too in love with her to pretend. It was too painful. But Sasuke? He could hate Sasuke. He wiped fiercely at the tears that coated his face, angry that he even let them fall, angry that Sasuke had made him cry.

His knuckles cracked as he clenched his fists. "I will win against you one day. I will!" He growled ferociously, raising his hand in promise just as he did to Neji when swearing vengeance for his ill treatment of Hinata and his ugly words to Naruto himself.

Almost instantly Naruto regretted his thoughts. He didn't want to hate Sasuke; he loved Sasuke. The Uchiha was like his older brother; he was his best friend. But right now Naruto felt such strong negative emotions against the dark- haired boy that if felt like hate. And truth be told were Sasuke in front of him right now he'd pound him.

Naruto knew his wrath was misdirected. Sasuke didn't ask for Sakura to love him, and he certainly didn't demand Naruto date her, but jealousy demanded that Naruto hate him. Why not? He was always coming in behind the Uchiha, always second, always overshadowed by the genius, and now… he would lose the love of his life to him… again. What was worse was that he'd be losing the love of his life to a thought… a dream.

'Dammit! I'm flesh and blood!' He was right in front of the pink-haired girl. He loved her, would do anything for her, and he was here. He was flesh and blood right in front of her, and still he couldn't even hold a candle to the mere thought of Sasuke. The Uchiha was so great that he didn't even need to be around to beat Naruto, to haunt him.

He was so mad. "I hate you." He spat, seething inside with hate and anger. "I HATE YOU UCHIHA SASUKE." He'd yelled venomously, hoping to rid himself of some of his fast- building anger… it hadn't worked. He wanted, no needed to get his hands on Sasuke.

Naruto clenched his fists in frustrated anger and… sorrow. "Sasuke." He whispered, lowering his head in shame. He was hurt, he was in pain, and though Sasuke hadn't done anything he was the cause of it, and Naruto was having a hard time fighting the desire to hate the dark-haired genius.

Naruto knew pain was not foreign to Sasuke, the young Uchiha had felt it most of his life, Naruto understood that more now, and he didn't need more… especially from a jealous "best" friend. He pressed his eyes shut, trying to will the need to quench his thirst for vengeance away.

"It's so hard." He whispered, his voice shaky with emotional pain. He really did want vengeance, more than anything, and it scared him.

I have spent years as a professional writer and what I know now is that the only review that is no use to me is a review that lies. Kasuo Ishiguro 1954-

Ooops! Apparently I did not have the accept anonymous review option turned on. So... if any of you reading this have tried to leave reviews and were unable to perhaps now you can.