Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Handsome Devil ❯ Handsome Devil ( Chapter 1 )

Lord have mercy on my soul

For I have walked a sinful road

So I'm down on my knees

Lord have mercy on me please...

 

Nobody will truly understand what I have been through and I'm rather happy about that. No one deserves such pain, such confusing and forever-present pain. The struggling decision I had to make between Konoha and my friends, and revenging my family. I had made the wrong one. By betraying my home and village I had also betrayed my family just like my older brother. I was, in a way, becoming him. And that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to kill him. Yes. So painfully that he will go mad before begging me to safe him from his misery and insanity. But I had never intended to do exactly what he wanted to; become like him. I was willing to do anything within my power to grow stronger and assassinate the person I loathe most in all the world. I sacrificed my life, betrayed my home, harmed my friends, turned my back on my family and walked straight into Itachi's wicked embrace. But honestly, can you blame me? I'm only human and I, unfortunately, make mistakes just like everyone else.

 

Jesus, I must confess

That in all my lonliness

I've forsaken and I've sinned

Leaving fragments of a man so broken

 

If I go back to Konoha I'm probably never going to be trusted again. They will hate me, abhor me and I will be alone `till the day I die. There is also another chance that I will no longer be allowed to be a shinobi and I'll never become stronger. But if I stay here, trained by Orochimaru, planning on killing my best friend, then I will do precisely what my older brother wants me to do. I will kill my friends, destroy my home and come for him without even knowing if I can truly defeat him. There are so many, too many things I've done that I regret. Letting myself get blinded by Orochimaru's promises is one of them. Acting like an arrogant and superior bastard towards Naruto is another. If there was a way I could re-do everything from the very beginning then I would.

 

I could tell you what I've done

Or should I tell you where I went wrong?

 

I wouldn't push away anyone who tried to reach me. I wouldn't put up the jerk-like façade in front of Naruto. I wouldn't have listened to the seducing promises of power Orochimaru whispered to me constantly since the day I recieved the curse. I would become the ninja my parents and clan would've wanted me to become and carry the Uchiha symbol proudly on my back, thoughts of murdering Itachi still on my mind but no longer on top of the list.

 

For the moment that I'd start to play

My decietful evil ways

Were getting stronger by the day...

 

Another thing I think about at night, or hoping for actually, is that if I did decide to return to Konoha that I would be welcomed with friendship and understanding. The ninjas guarding the large entrance of Konoha would look surprised before grinning smiling and shouting loudly `The Uchiha has returned!”. The joyful and rather loud statement would be immediately followed by several doors opening and people staring out of their window to see if it was true. Then those faces would smile and shout to untill the entire village knew of my coming back and was celebrating it like it was the Hokage's birthday. I would smile with them of course. The first happy feeling in a long time returning to me and deciding on never leaving again. Then there would be Naruto wrestling his way through the crowd and managing to latch onto me before whispering “Welcome back, Sasuke.”. And of course Sakura would beat down flat any woman daring to come too close for it to be a simply friendly gesture. She too would hug me before bursting into tears. Last of all was Kakashi who placed his hand on my shoulder, his smile visible, even through his mask and nodding in a way that a father would when joyously proud of his son. Is it bad? Is it wrong for me to think such things? I'm sorry... but I can't help it...

 

Oh lord have mercy on my soul

For I have walked a sinful road

And I'm gonna get down on my knees

Ask forgiveness to help set me free

Lord have mercy on me please...

 

For some reason I part of me always knew that even if I did go with Orochimaru I would never get strong enough to defeat Itachi. But it was too small for me too notice back then. Now, because it grow much larger then my foolish desire for revenge, it has become visible. It first came to be days ago and yet I'm still here with Orochimaru and Kabuto. Why? I don't know. I wish I did. It would be so easy if I did. Because then none of this would've happened. Thanks to my doubt it seems like neither Konoha or Orochimaru can help me to achieve my goal. But currently I'm not even sure what my real goal truly is. Revenge? Revival of my clan? Yes. But are there limits set in order to properly achieve these goals? Yes. Have I surpassed those limits? Yes. Willingly? Yes. Do I regret it? Yes... and no. If it wasn't for these mistakes I wouldn't have become half as wise as I am now. And although I have suffered to gain that knowledge I don't fully regret it. Not all of it. But the others, Naruto, Sakura and the rest, they must've suffered as well when I turned my back on them and walked away. They must be wise too now but look at the price. Look at what happened to them. How could they ever forgive me? I wouldn't. If Itachi came back with teary eyes I wouldn't forgive him. But what I did wasn't as bad as what he did, right? Maybe I'm just getting my hopes up. How foolish of me...

 

Mother Mary full of grace

In my weakness I've lost faith

I've been careless and I have been warned

And the devil inside me is torn

God bless the men that I have scorned

 

I don't want to become my brother's willing pawn. But I don't want to go back to Konoha and be treated like a bomb either. And hoping that they'll forgive me is plain stupid. I have no where to go. I've lost my home and ambition. I have nothing now. I used to have friends. I used to laugh. But I had been blinded by that snak bastard and now look at what's become of me. I am torn between two world. Crying silently in-between not belonging in either of them. And yet even now as I try to convince myself there is no hope I am wishing that Konoha is still waiting for me. Maybe if I work hard to prove myself to them they will eventually trust me again and I will once again have a home and a place. But am I emotionally strong enough to face the pain before that will happen? Will I be able to remain loyal to them even if they scowl at me, ignore me, avoid me, glare at me and hate me for what I had done to them? If only I had the strength. Look at me. See how weak I am? Weaker then ever. What have I done to myself? If only I had a friend who would stay at my side and help me through it all. Someone to guide me. Someone like... Naruto?

 

So don't let me fool around no more

Send your angels down to guide me through that door

Well I've gone and confessed my regrets

And I pray I'm not held in contempt

I'm so lost and I need you to help me repent

 

Somebody, anybody, tell me what to do because I don't know anymore. I have become a coward. But I had done so many evil things willingly. I ask myself how I could be so selfish as to pray that Konoha will take me back. But still... what do you expect? I am human. And I make mistakes. And I will pay for them. Selfish of me to ask for a little mercy, don't you think?

 

Oh lord have mercy on my soul

Oh I'm begging, I'm pleading, I need it

I want you to know

So I'm down upon my knees

Oh lord, I need forgiveness

I need forgiveness from you...

 

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