Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Harry Potter and the Flying Fiery Ninja Fury ❯ Whoosh!! ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter one: Whoosh!!

Authoress: WHHEEEE! A humor fic, for once! Leave it to Harry Potter and Naruto to make me type this one…

Harry: -_-;; I'm included in this madness??

Authoress: Of course, it couldn't be a Harry Potter crossover without Harry Potter in it, could it?

Naruto: FICCY! FICCY FICCY FICCY FICCY!

Authoress: Seeing as how Foxy Boy has the most energy, why don't YOU do the disclaimer?

Foxy Boy Naruto: She owns nothing! Not even enough money to properly feed me my Ramen! ::Wide Naruto grin::

Authoress: Damn the truth… On with the fic!!

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It's a fine day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the woman's bathroom-

Ron: Woman's? Bloody hell, not again…

Ahem, yes, woman's bathroom you ass. ::thwack:: As I was saying before he so RUDELY interrupted me (Ron: Shut the hell up…) It was a fine day at Hogwarts, and Ron and Harry were both gathered around a particular sink in the woman's restroom, the two adolescent teenagers staring awed at the ancient book that was sitting precariously on the side of the marble faucet.

A tray of different potions and herbs lay on the opposite side of a large, pewter cauldron, the hideous orange mixture that already spiraled around in the pot giving off an even more terrifying yellow steam.

Ron: So… This'll turn Snape into a toad, right? ::Staring down at page, dumbfounded by the large words and tiny print::

Harry: Yeah, it should, if we do it right. ::Reaches for a small, crystal vile sitting on the tray and pours it into the cauldron:: This SHOULD be the right amount….

Ron: Bloody hell Harry, haven't you been measuring it!?

Harry: O_O WAH! DON'T HURT ME! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE DURSLY'S NEVER LET ME GO TO SCHOOL AND I CAN'T COUNT PAST TEN!! ::Frantically waving arms around while sobbing and blubbering like a two-year-old.::

Ron: …. …… ………… -_-;; Yer an idiot… ::Thwacks Harry with paper fan that he stole from the authoress::

Authoress: ::Snatches fan:: Hey hey hey hey, that belongs to ME! Not you! ME! ::Vanishes again::

Ron: ::Blink blink:: … Riiiight…

Harry: ::Still sobbing::

Ron: Oh suck it UP man!! ::Grabs the youth by his hair and forces him to look back at the recipe.:: Come on, let's get this over with before someone decides to come in here.

Harry: ::Wipes away tear:: O-Okay…

Meanwhile, out in the hallway…

Hermione: Draco Malfoy I DEMAND that you return that book to me this INSTANT! ::Shielding eyes with the other book she has:: AND PUT SOME CLOTHING ON FOR GOD'S SAKE!!

Draco: Ha ha ha ha! Stupid Mudblood can't even keep up with me let along cloth me!! ::Does evil person laugh that EVERYONE that is PROPERLY evil does…:: GU GU GU GU GU GU GU GU! (Authoress: Dumbass… He read the Hiragana on his script wrong…--_--;; You mean "KU KU KU KU!") ::Dashes through the hallway with the book held over his head, stopping in the center to try to find a place to hide:: Hmmm……. ::Voice very high-pitched and excited:: LADIES' ROOM! ::Darts into the woman's bathroom where Ron and Harry are still staring stupidly at the book::

Draco: AH! You're in the girl's room! ::Pointing at Harry and Ron with a look of surprise on his face::

Harry + Ron: AH! YOU'RE NAKED! ::Both cover eyes with hand, Harry peeks through his fingers::

Draco: ::Oblivious to Harry's inappropriate staring:: I'm telling the teacher on you!

Ron: Malfoy, you're naked AND in the woman's bathroom. I'm thinking you're the on that'll get in trouble there mate. ::Harry nods vigorously at this notion::

Hermione: ::Bursts into the room on the trio, hair disheveled from her race after the streaking Malfoy, her book sliding out of her hand and papers spiraling around her feet from the collapsing tome:: Harry Potter! Ron Weasley! What in the WORLD are you two doing in the woman's bathroom- ::Looks at supplies they gathered for the spell:: with a cauldron and potions, that book, and that devilish look on your faces!?

Ron: Uh… Nothing?

Harry: Uh… Some light reading??

Hermione: With THAT!? Do you even know what that is!? That is a Japanese tome telling of all the myths and legends that have come to pass! The tale of the nine-tailed fox demon or Gama, the giant frog, for example. What in the WORLD could you be doing with that!? Neither of you can even READ Japanese… ::Takes breath after her very winded explanation/lecturing of Harry and Ron::

Ron: ::Whispering to Harry:: She always finds a bloody way to include history into the lectures nowadays, doesn't she?

Harry: ::Nods:: Uh… We were….

Ron: Oh bloody hell, we were trying to turn Snape into a toad so we don't have to give him that damned essay on the uses of yô-ko blood, got it? We got this book for that reason and found a nice spell that'll make the essay pointless, right Harry? :Nudge, nudge, wink::

Harry: But I thought we got it just to turn-

Ron: ::steps on his foot, grinning through his teeth at the black haired teen::

Harry: OW! What was THAT for!?

Ron: ::Grinds foot into his to get his point through::

Harry: ::FINALLY understands what Ron is trying to tell him:: Oh… Yeah, yeah, just to look up the yô-ko think, that's right…

Ron: ::Whispering:: Bloody moron, that one is…

Hermione: I don't believe you on the yô-ko, but… This may be fun. ::Sets book down and joins the two around the pot:: Now, where were you?

Ron: O_O You're joining in!? You feeling all right there Hermione?

Draco: ::Interrupts them:: What about ME!? No one can just ignore ME, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy, one of the FEW pure bloods that remain. ::Hands on hips, cocky look on face (Authoress: Damn, bad one there… he IS naked I mean… >_<) and a smug air about him:: I will NOT be left out! ::Shoves Harry and Ron forward, causing both teens to topple over one another and reach out for something that could catch their fall. Unfortunately, our dimwitted wizard friends grab the edge of the cauldron, resulting in a massive waterfall of orange and yellow liquid to spray about the room, dumping directly onto their heads::

Ron: Ugh… NASTY! ::Wipes some off his face with his drenched sleeve, which, in reality, does no good at all::

Harry: EWWY!! ::Scrunches up face in a pout and tries to clean himself off as well::

Hermione: Don't move!! No one move!! Look up the antidote! Better yet, don't look up the antidote! SCREAM AND RUN! DON'T SCREAM AND RUN! ::Continues to ramble crazily, not paying much attention to the other's in the room that are already trying to clean it off::

Draco: It got on my… my… O___O

Ron: On your thingy? ::trying to help him out::

Hermione: ::Stops panicking for a moment:: On your penis? ::Matter-of-factly::

Harry: On your sticky thing? ::Proud look for doing what he believes to be assisting the distraught youth::

Draco: Yes, THAT, Potter. ::Sends him evil glare of doom before continuing to wipe himself off::

Ron: Ohhh… what's that? ::Staring at floor::

Harry: ::Sees his distracted friend and leans of the indicated spot on the floor with him:: I dunno… it's a shiny thing…

Draco: *Ou, shiny things… ::Looks as well::

Hermione: What are you IDIOTS possibly looking at? ::Glances at floor::

For, on the tiled floor of the woman's bathroom rest…

Harry: A SHINY THING!

Yes, we have concluded that-

Harry: IT'S SHINY!

YES, it's SHINY. I KNOW THIS POTTER! ::Whap:: We are proud to know that it is a shiny thing. Now, to continue, on the tiled floor of the woman's bathroom rest a small, ebony symbol, a kanji, as Hermione quickly pointed out, stating the word "frog." Yes, frog. Beside the small Japanese writing rest another sign, one that "oh great Hermione" could NOT identify, despite her genetically altered brain-

Hermione: It is NOT genetically altered.

Yes, it is. I know all. I am a fanauthoress. Anyway…

Ron: What is THAT? ::Reaches to touch it::

Hermione: Do NOT poke that Ron! ::Slaps his hand::

Ron: Owies… why not? ::Rubbing hand affectionately::

Hermione: Because we don't know what it is! ::Again, matter-of-factly::

Harry: But it's… it's… shhhiiiinnnnnyyyy…… ::Eyes wide and dilated, a look of a mesmerized child on his face:: Shhhhhiiiiiinnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy……… ::Drool::

Draco: Potter, snap out of it! ::Moves in front of Harry, legs straddled of the acclaimed "Shiny Thing", Harry's face very close to his, erm, hackpenishack…::

Harry: ::Looks up to yell at Malfoy to move his fat ass, which, as Ron is noting, is rather big (Ron: I AM NOT! ::Shoves away tape measure::) and comes face to face with "it":: OMFG!! LUSSTT ATTACCKK!! ::Gets a classic Iruka nosebleed, sending him halfway across the bathroom.::

Blood: ::Splatters on seal (and Hermione's book, because the authoress hates her dearly)::

Seal: ::Shines, whooshes and creates a giant whirlwind of air around the bathroom, sending the remaining potions and books flying. The gust of wind settles, and a water-like surface is left behind, the image of a large forest being portrayed on the wavering spot::

Harry: Oooooouuuu… Now it's REALLY shiny… ::Has waded up toilet paper up his nose to prevent death by the lose of blood. Moves over towards the seal::

Hermione: Harry, I think you should stay away from that…

Harry: ::Ignores:: Hey look Ron, you can see people on the other side of this!! ::Watches in amusement as a boy with short, blonde hair with a large backpack treks along a path in the middle of the forest alongside another boy about his age, this one with black hair, and a girl with vibrant, bubble gum pink hair. A taller man brings up the rear, which he has a sexy one if I do say so myself, his silver hair to one side and his face buried into a small book, giving off random, creepy, demonic and perverted (yes, all at one time) giggles.::

Blondie: WHADDIDYA SAY ASSHOLE!!

Asshole (Presumably the black haired youth, as he's the one that answered): I said "You can't become Hokage if you can't even catch a rabbit!"

Blondie: ::Fuming now:: SHUT UP! THAT RABBIT WAS LIGHTNING FAST! ::Glares at him:: It had super bunny ninja powers and you know it!

Pink blob: Naruto that rabbit did NOT have "super bunny ninja powers."

Blondie: HOW DO YOU KNOW!? ::Glaring at Ugly Head (previously known as Pink Blob) now::

Asshole: Will you both SHUT UP!

Blondie: MAKE ME!

Asshole: ::Pressure point vein thingy, glaring:: SHUT UP FOX BOY!! ::Throws stone at his head::

Harry: ::Watching mesmerized, hears the word "fox" and snaps out of it:: Fox… Fox there…. FOX!! ::Charges at portal without thinking, which he does a lot::

Ron: HARRY! ::Grabs his legs, slips in too::

Draco: WHHHEEEE!!!! ::Grabs Ron's legs with another high soprano WHHHEEEE!!!!, gets his naked self pulled in as well::

Hermione: ::Stares at the portal where the three boys disappeared too, blinks, and turns around:: I'm leaving now… I'm going to pretend that none of this-

Book: ::Tiny voice:: Help me Hermione!

Hermione: BOOK FRIEND!! ::Grabs it, slides across the floor and through the portal as well::

Portal: ::Disappears with a croaking (frog-like, not dying like) laugh as the four fall towards the scenery below::

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Fanauthoress: What will happen to our wizard friends? Who are the mysterious people inside the portal? Why is there a frog laughing? WHY AM I ASKING THESE DUMB ASS QUESTIONS!?

Pink Blob: Because… you're stupid?

Asshole: Because… I hate you?

Blondie: Because… you ate the last of my ramen?

Authoress: Cram it dumb asses… Anyway, please read and review! Reviews will make the ficcy come faster! (Yes, I know I should be working on Lunatic Pandora (for all you FF7 fans) but a few of my friends are big Harry Potter geeks and I decided to write them something funny for a change, since they needed a little cheer right about now. Love you guys!! ::Huggles all::)R&R!!

*Note: The "ou… shiny things" is actually something my mom said early today… She was talking about having your first child and taking a lot of pictures because "it's like Ou, shiny things." Lol. See where I get it at??