Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Heart no Kuni no Naruto ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Heart no Kuni no Naruto
by Sakura (aka L-sama no Miko)

I don’t own HnK. If I did, then a certain pair of twins would get rid of a certain rhyming stalker wabbit and a certain yummy as sin Hatter would be able to have his adorable little Alice!

It was a pleasant and sunny Sunday afternoon. A blond boy lay peacefully slumbering under the humungous oak while his older sister sat nearby reading a book.
“..to?” she called softly, causing the blond to stir a bit. “Naruto?” she tried again. The boy rolled over, but still did not wake. “Naruto!”
The boy opened his eyes sleepily then yawned as he stretched. “Hey sis, what time is it?” he asked finally fully awake, “Man my head hurts!”
The older blond giggled. “That’s what you get for sleeping outside, silly little brother.” Naruto pouted, not liking being called silly, “So, what was it you were dreaming about? You were mumbling quite a bit there.”
“Ah… yeah,” he said sheepishly, “It was pretty weird. Something about a game and rules or something.”
“A game huh? Sounds like you were having fun then.”
Naruto didn’t reply, instead he chose to stare at the older girl. He couldn’t help but feel a teeny bit jealous of her. Ino had pale blond hair that seemed to draw more attention than his own sunshine colored locks. It went well with her pale skin and light blue eyes, though she always kept one hidden behind long bangs that covered half her lovely face. He admired the girl’s purple outfit, how it showed off all the right parts while not being too slutty. He just felt too ugly and silly in his orange jumpsuit.
‘Man, why can’t I be like her,’ he mused, ‘If I wore something like that, I’d look stupid or worse. Why is it the only color I look good in is orange?!! It’s not fair!! Ino-nee-chan’s really classy too. Not like me at all. There’s no way she’d just flop down somewhere and fall asleep like I always do. I bet she’s got all the guys in the world falling for her too.’ A faint pain twanged in the boy’s heart as the thought of his former love leapt into his mind. He quickly chased it from his mind, not wishing to dwell on it any further.
“So sis, whatcha reading?” he asked. “Another of your psycho books?”
“That’s psychology not ‘psycho’! And maybe it is,” she replied giving a mischievous smile, “It’s both a fairy tale and a novel.”
“Huh?”
“It’s about a girl who chases a rabbit and gets lost in a strange world. Once she gets there…”
“Yeah, yeah so, it any good? What’s the end?”
“You’re such a child Naruto!” Ino chided good-naturedly. “Well, in the end, the queen of that world tries to put the girl on trial and she tries to escape, then wakes up.”
“And?” Naruto pressed, hanging on his sister’s every word.
“And that’s it.”
“Oh c’mon, she just wakes up?! What kinda stupid book is that?!”
“Well, I think it’s a very good book!” Ino huffed, “So Naru, how ‘bout a game?”
“Wha?”
“Well, you did say you were dreaming of one, so how about a challenge? We could play a couple card games.”
Naruto suddenly felt chills run down his spine, a flash of his dream crossed his mind. ‘I have to play cards,’ he had said in his dream. Dismissing the chill as only a figment from his dream, the blond said, “Sure, bring it on sis!” ‘Because it’s one of the rules.’
“Eh? What was that?” Ino queried.
“Huh?” her brother said, not realizing he’d said that last bit out loud.
“Honestly, Naru. You’re still half asleep aren’t you?” Ino let out a small laugh at her sibling’s antics. “I’m going to go get the cards,” she said after getting up, “Now don’t you fall asleep on me again, ‘k?” With that, the older blonde headed back to the house.
Naruto let out another yawn. “Oh man, I can’t be getting sleepy again. I just woke up for crying out loud! But again, it’s a nice day. A short nap can’t hurt, right? It’ll take a while for sis to get back anyway.”
The blond flopped back down under the tree and almost immediately fell asleep. A short while later, Naruto blinked his groggy eyes sensing someone was near. Sapphire gems reluctantly opened to see a silver furred rabbit gazing at him several feet away amongst the forest underbrush.
‘Is that rabbit wearing clothes?!’ he wondered as his eyes focused more clearly on the strange animal. The rabbit was dressed in a red plaid jacket and white dress slacks. What was truly odd about the animal was that half its face was covered in a mask and a black headband covered one eye.
Naruto continued to stare as the rabbit started walking towards him on its hind legs. “Please tell me I’m dreaming again,” he muttered. “That’s right, I’m dreaming.”
“You know,” the rabbit drawled impatiently, “This is where you’re supposed to chase me.” Naruto quickly shut his eyes and rolled onto his other side.
“It’s just a dream,” he kept muttering, sure that if he’d ignore it, the freaky creature would go away.
“Ma, ma you’re useless,” the rabbit said, “You’re supposed to chase the White Rabbit not the other way around.” The blond suddenly found himself slung over someone’s shoulder. “I hope you’re not going to scream, I’ve got sensitive ears.”
Of course that was exactly Naruto did. “What the heck?! Put me down! What the hell’s going on?!”
“Such language,” chided the person holding onto him, wincing at the volume of the boy’s voice. It was then that Naruto noticed that there was a silver furred rabbit tail sticking out of the man’s pants. Lifting his head slightly, he saw two rabbit ears sticking out of the mop of silver hair on his captor’s head. “Well, shall we go?” the man asked, standing before an enormous hole.
“Hey, how the heck did that get there?!” Naruto exclaimed. He was dead sure they didn’t have any holes in the orchards behind their house.
His captor only smiled slyly then leapt into the chasm, a very frightened Naruto tucked tightly in his arms. “I don’t wanna die!!” the blond screamed when he felt the arms release him.
“Don’t you like falling?” the strange rabbit man asked, after what seemed like hours. Naruto opened his eyes and cerulean pools widened in shock as his captor continued to smile, as if they weren’t currently plummeting to their deaths. “I’m rather fond of falling, especially when it’s with you.” He let closer to the shorter blond, causing him to ‘eep’ nervously, “I’m having so much fun, I don’t want for this to end, but it seems we’re almost there.”
Naruto could see the ground and it was rushing up to meet them pretty fast. “I’m gonna die!!” he screamed and quickly shut his eyes, not wanting to witness his rather messy demise. When no pain or whatever it was that happened when you died came, the boy cautiously opened his eyes to find himself sitting on the ground of some strange tower like structure. “W-Where am I?!”
“Why Wonderland of course,” the rabbit man chirped.
“Wonder… land?”
“Yep. Welcome to Wonderland, Naru-chan.”
“Never heard of it,” the blond said glaring at the taller man. “And how the heck do you know my name?!”
“Why of course I know your name. How could I not know the name of the one I love?”
‘Ok, now I’m really freaked here,’ the boy told himself, ‘This guy’s not only a stalker, but a freaky perv with a rabbit fetish.’ “TAKE ME HOME RIGHT NOW!!!!” he demanded.
“Sorry can’t do that. Now, I’d like you to drink this please,” the rabbit man said, holding up a crystal vial with a heart shaped stopper.
“Are you nuts?! There’s no way in hell I’m gonna drink anything from some freaky bottle or whatever that is!”
“I see. That’s going to be problematic.”
“D-Don’t you come near me!” Naruto stuttered, frozen in fear as his perverted captor stalked closer. “I-I’m not joking! Y-You’d better stay away! I’m not taking anything from some creepy guy I don’t know! Believe it!”
“Does that mean you want to know my name?” the man queried, his face mere inches away from the blond’s. “Wonderful! Since you want to know more about me, that means you must love me back.”
“You’re off your rocker!” Naruto shot back, “There’s no way in hell I’d ever like a pervy guy like you! Besides, I-I like girls!!”
“Now Naru-chan, you’ve gone and hurt me,” the man said pouting, “But the game wouldn’t be as fun if you did make this easy.” The rabbit man pulled the stopper out of the vial.
‘Game?! Why does everyone mention games?!’ the blond said. ‘I must warn you...’ someone from his dream had said, ‘All games have rules. Once you start to play, you must abide by those rules.’
The rabbit man slipped down his mask and pressed the vial to his lips. Once the pale crimson liquid slid into his mouth he turned to the stunned boy. He grabbed Naruto’s chin and forcibly pressed their lips together. The blond squeaked in shock, giving the taller man the chance to pass the liquid into Naruto’s mouth.
‘Ack!! H-He’s making me drink that stuff!’ the boy silently cried, being forced to swallow or else he’d choke on the strange liquid.
“You really are useless, Naru-chan,” the silver haired man beamed, “so I had to make things a bit easier for you.”
“G-Get the hell offa me!” the boy yelled pushing the rabbit man away.
“Now that you’ve drunk the ‘medicine of the heart’, you’ll have to play the game,” the taller man said, still beaming as he rose to his feet and started to leave. “Oh yes, my name is Kakashi. Kakashi Hatake. Now that the game’s begun, I’ll be seeing you again, Naru-chan.”
“T-T-That perverted bastard!!!” the blond sputtered, “He kissed me!! That was the worst kiss EVER!!!! Ya hear me you pervy rabbit guy!!!” The irate boy stood up, “What the heck was it that he made me drink anyway?!” he wondered, picking up the discarded vial. “Grrr! I’m gonna find that bastard and slug ‘im real good!”

***********************************************

About fifteen minutes later, Naruto paused his running. Panting, he leaned his hands on his thighs, catching his breath. “Geez, just where is that pervy rabbit?! I’d better be going the right way ‘cause there’s no way I’m going back there.” Once his breathing slowed, the boy looked around the forest. “Hey! That looks like a mansion or something!” he said, spotting the roof of a large building off in the distance. “I’m gonna check it out. If he’s not there, I’m sure whoever is, knows that rabid rabbit rapist!”
It was another ten minutes when Naruto arrived at the mansion’s gate. “Wow! That’s one impressive gate,” the blond remarked as he gazed at the enormous wrought iron gate. “So where’re the guards, a big gate like this means it’s got guards right?” Seeing that no one was around at the moment, he timidly placed a hand on one of metal gates. “Well, if no one’s guarding it, I guess that means it’s ok to…”
“You’ve got business here, nii-chan?” a voice piped from behind him.
“Ah… yeah,” Naruto answered, slightly startled by the sudden appearance of the guard and turning around, “I’d like to know…” He froze. Two boys, apparently younger than him stood before him. They appeared to be twins, one dressed in a red and black uniform while the other was dressed in an orange and black one, an orange mask with a black spiral hung lopsidedly on one side of the boy’s head. But that wasn’t what made the taller blond freeze. Both twins were pointing wicked looking halberds at him and they looked very sharp.
“We’re the gatekeepers,” said the red twin.
“We’re supposed to beat bad guys when they try to get in,” the orange one finished. “You look like a good boy.”
“But we’re not supposed to take things for face value,” the red clad boy added.
“Y-You’ve got it all wrong! I’m not…”
“It’ll be ok,” interrupted the red twin, “It won’t hurt for long, right Tobi-nii?”
“Yep! We’re gonna be good boys and let you die quickly. C’mon nii-chan!”
“Oi, what are you two up to now, un?” came another voice.
Naruto looked behind the twins and saw another rabbit man coming over. He saw that this new comer was dressed in a forest green military type jacket, a tattered purple plaid cape was draped over his shoulders. ‘Is he the owner? Argh! Not another pervy jerk with a rabbit fetish!’
“You kids shouldn’t be so hasty,” the man quipped, “I think the little guy’s a guest, un.”
“Tobi’s a good boy!” the orange twin “Tobi doesn’t want his pay cut!”
“Get out of our way you stupid, chickie rabbit!” Tobi’s red clad twin griped.
“You’re one to talk kid. You two were playing hooky just a minute ago weren’t you, hmm? By the way kid,” the blond rabbit man said, turning his attention to Naruto. “Which are ya, a guest or an enemy, hmm?”
“I’m…”
“Doesn’t matter really,” the rabbit man interrupted pulling out an ornate gun, “You boys let me have this one, I’ve been itching for a reason to test this baby out, un.” He then shoved the gun against Naruto’s throat.
‘What is with this place?!’ the terrified blond cried, ‘Not only are they nutso and armed to the teeth, but trigger happy too!!’
“That’s enough. How many times must I tell you,” Naruto stiffened as he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder, “don’t kill on my land without my permission.”
“Itachi!” the rabbit man called, immediately lowering his weapon.
‘Whew! I’m saved.’ “T-Thanks,” Naruto said, relief washing over his face.
“You’re welcome, cutie,” his rescuer replied.
Naruto then whirled to see who had saved his life only to be given the shock of a lifetime. Standing before him was a man dressed in an old fashioned white and black suit. A black top hat adorned with blood red roses stood proudly on his head. But what unnerved the blond most was that this man looked just like the one who’d broken his heart not so long ago. There was the same raven black hair – though this man’s was much longer and not spiked up in the back, the same dark eyes that always seemed to trap him every time he looked into them, and the same smile. The boy just couldn’t take it anymore he shoved the man away and made a mad dash back into the woods.
“Yeesh, what a rude brat, un,” the rabbit man huffed, “He totally blew ya off, Itachi.”
“That boy was no doubt an outsider, Deidara,” the elegantly dressed man said, ignoring his friend’s insult.
“An outsider, hmm? Ya serious?”
“Hn. Curious.”

**********************************************

Meanwhile, Naruto had once again paused to catch his breath. “C’mon Naru, calm down. It’s not him! You’re probably still dreaming so it can’t be him right?” He leaned against a wall, finally noticing his surroundings. “Great, I’m right back where I started. Wha? It’s night time already?” Looking up, he indeed saw that the sky was black and stars were twinkling above. “There’s no way I could’ve run all day! I mean it was light just a minute ago!”
He started to walk around in search for a play to stay for the night “No telling what kinda crazies come out at night around here,” he muttered to himself. He then found himself back at the tower top where he had landed earlier that afternoon. “Great there’s one now,” he whispered upon spying the lone figure standing there.
“Who’s there?!” the figure snapped whirling around to reveal a redheaded teen in old fashioned tailored midnight blue clothing.
“Um… hi?” Naruto squeaked.
“Get out!” the older boy spat.
“Sorry for barging in your home, but I was kidnapped by some guy named Kakashi and…”
“I don’t care, leave!” The taller boy harshly grabbed the blond’s arm and made to drag him out.
“Look, whoever you are,” Naruto started, “It’s not like I wanna be here either. Some pervy rabbit grabbed me and dumped me down a hole. As if that weren’t bad enough, he made me drink some crazy ass medicine and then I almost get shot at…”
“Medicine?!” the teen shouted.
“Yeah, see?” the blond shoved the now empty vial at him.
“Damn it all to hell!” cursed the redhead. “I guess you’re an outsider then,” he said after sighing.
“Outsider?”
“This Kakashi you mentioned, did you mean Kakashi Hatake?”
“Yep, that’s the pervert!”
“Damn him. He must have smuggled you in here without my permission. Guess I’ll have to explain everything since you had to go and drink that. Come.”
Seeing as that he had nothing better to do and he did want some answers anyway, Naruto followed the taller redhead into the tower and down a few floors to a modestly furnished room. Once they were seated at the small table, the older teen began.
“My name is Sasori Akasuna. I am the master of this tower. You are obviously an outsider, therefore not a resident of Wonderland. Most outsiders come here of their own free will.”
“But I didn’t!” huffed the blond, “There’s no way I’d want to come to such a wacked out…”
“So you’ve told me. From what you told me on the way down, you’re lucky to escape from the Hatter territory with your head intact Naruto. Deidara, and the bloody twins, Tobi and Obito are extremely dangerous people to come across.”
“Yeah, about that, some guy named Itachi came and stopped them.”
“Itachi Uchiha stopped them?!” Sasori asked incredulously. “That’s rather odd for the yakuza boss.”
“T-That guy was a yakuza boss?!” It was Naruto’s turn to be shocked.
“The syndicate he’s in charge of is called the ‘Hatters’,” explained Sasori.
“Well, I ran outta there pretty fast after he saved me, tho’ he did say something about no killing without permission.
“Like I said, you were lucky. If Uchiha had ok’d it, you would have been killed. It’d be best if you stay away from there from now on, that bunch isn’t quite right in the head.” Naruto said nothing. “I’ll explain the different territories.” He then brought out a map and laid it on the table between them. “You are here,” he said pointing to the center of the map. “This is called the Clock Tower Plaza.” He then pointed to another area. “This is Hatter territory where you were earlier and Heart Castle is over here. This part of Wonderland is under control of the Queen of Hearts. This is the Wonderland Amusement park run by a man named Lee. Where we are right now is the only neutral area since the other three territories are at war with each other at the moment.”
‘I can understand why the yakuza and the queen would be at war, but why a theme park?!’ Naruto wondered. ‘This has got to be the freakiest place EVER!!’
“Such a power struggle can go on for a very long time and is a rather pointless game. It has nothing to do with you outsiders so do be careful and not get involved.”
“So is that why everyone’s got weapons, ‘cause of this war stuff?”
“Mostly, but the rest is for later,” the redhead replied cryptically.
“Look, um thanks for explaining stuff, but there’s no way I wanna get involved! I just wanna get home so tell me how to get the heck outta here already!”
“You won’t be able to leave by yourself,” the taller teen said bitterly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
“’You can’t go home alone,’ that’s one of the rules of the game.”
“Again with this freaky game stuff! You and Kakashi keep saying that!” Just then a light from the window startled the blood. He went over to look out to see that the sky was once again light. “W-W-What the heck?! It was night time a sec ago and now the sun’s setting again!”
“That’s how this world is, so just calm down,” snapped Sasori. “Look, Wonderland is a world in a dream. I don’t care if you believe it or not, but know this, the dream will never end if you don’t progress in the game. You could have easily gone home the instant the desire to do so entered your head. But since that idiot Kakashi forced you to drink that medicine, you’re now stuck playing the game.”
“So how the heck do I get outta here?!”
“Look at that vial,” Sasori replied.
“Hey! Something’s in it,” Naruto cried upon inspecting the once empty vessel.
“I thought as much. First Kakashi, then the Hatters and now me. That vial is the key to getting home. The rule is that once that vial is filled again, you’ll be able to return to your home, but you can only fill it by interacting with the people of this world.”
“Argh!!! Why didn’t that pervy rabbit say so?! I’ll have this thing filled in no time flat!”
‘I highly doubt that,’ Sasori muttered to himself.

Meanwhile at Heart Castle…
“Just you wait my little Naru-chan,” Kakashi whispered happily as he strode through the rose garden maze. “You and I will be together til the end of time.”

************************************************

“No way!” the blond exclaimed, “That Kakashi guy’s the prime minister of that castle place?! But he’s a perv!”
“That may be so, but he’s still prime minister,” Sasori replied, not bothering to look up from the clock he was working on.
“That place’s gotta be run by a bunch of pervy psychos then. Oh well, at least I know where to find him.”
“Thinking of going to see him?”
“Yeah, I still gotta slug ‘im good for dragging me into this wacko world.” The redhead was about to advise against leaving the Clock Tower, however the plucky blond beat him to it. “I know it’s dangerous out there, but there’s no way I’m gonna let anyone tell me not to walk around. It’s my dream after all, right?”
Sasori shot his head up in surprise at the blond’s feisty attitude and sudden acceptance. “Just remember to be careful,” he said as he watched Naruto leave his workshop.
“Yeah, yeah I get it,” he quipped, “You can get hurt in dreams. Thanks for caring anyway. I’ll be back by night, ‘k?”
“Whatever,” was the redhead’s sullen response.

*********************************************

“Well since there’s only one way to the castle, I shouldn’t get lost, right?” Naruto mused as he leisurely strode through the woods. Suddenly he heard a rustling coming from along the side of the path. The boy froze both curious and wary of the noise. Scant moments later, a boy a few inches taller than him suddenly burst through the brush.
He was dressed in a red and black uniform, a crest with a heart and an ‘A’ emblazoned on the left breast of the jacket. His short black hair was covered with leaves from crashing through the trees. The stranger’s appearance was so sudden that, the blond started to stumble as he attempted to move out of his way. “Easy there,” the taller teen said, quickly catching Naruto before he fell. “Sorry for scaring you are you ok?”
“I’m fine,” the blond replied. ‘What was this guy doin’ in the woods?’
“Oh that’s good. May I ask you something? Do you know where the Clock Tower is?”
“Yeah, I just came from there. It’s back there,” Naruto answered pointing to the tower looming over the trees.
“Oh good. I guess I was closer than I thought.”
“So,” Naruto began, eyeing the taller boy warily. “You on your way to see Sasori?”
“Oh, you know Sasori?” the other boy asked, “He and I are good friends. Unfortunately, some things happened and I need to stay with him for a while. Oh how rude of me, I’m Sai, a knight of Heart Castle,” he said smiling a rather cheesy smile.
“N-Nice to meetcha Sai, I’m Naruto Uzumaki. So you’re from the castle huh? Say do ya think you can take me to see Kakashi?”
“I wasn’t aware Kakashi-san had friends,” Sai said bewilderedly.
“Not exactly,” the blond quipped, “I just need to talk to him about something.”
“Hmm… well he is at the castle most of the time, but I don’t think anyone would let you in if you try to go by yourself.”
“Yeah, I guess regular folks like me can’t just waltz on into castles.”
“I suppose I could escort you,” Sai said, eyeing the blond.
“But don’t you have to see Sasori?”
“It’s no bother, I’m sure I still have sometime before I have to be there.”
“Really? Thanks! You’re a big help!” Sai smiled his fake smile again and began walking in the opposite direction of the castle. “Um…” Naruto called catching the brunet’s attention. “Wasn’t the castle in this direction?”
“Hmm…” Sai mused as he glanced around, “Actually it’s this way,” he stated taking a totally different path than before. “Don’t worry Naruto-kun, I’ll get us there in no time.”
‘I don’t know about this guy,’ the blond thought. Still, what choice did he have? He followed the taller teen off into the woods. ‘Say isn’t this the way to…’
“Oh jeez! Not that crazy Hatter place!” the blond yelled as they came upon a familiar gate.
“My this is odd,” Sai said, still smiling, “Still I’m certain we can reach the castle if we cut through here. Coming Naruto-kun?” The directionally challenged Knight recklessly started to push the gate open.
“H-Hey! Wait Sai! It’s not safe here!”
“What are you doing here again, Sai?!” an annoyed Deidara spat, approaching the gate, “Those damn brats must be goofing off again, un.”
‘We’re doomed, it’s that trigger happy Deidara guy!’ moaned Naruto.
“What’s the outsider kid doing with ya, hmm?”
“You didn’t tell me you were an outsider, Naruto-kun!” Sai said in shock, “I’ve never seen one before.”
“No hard feelings ‘bout before, right kid?” Deidara said almost good-naturedly, “And I’m not gonna shoot ya now. I’m not in the mood ‘sides Itachi won’t let me, un,” he added with a slight pout. “So Sai ya here to settle your score with the boss, hmm?”
“What?” the brunet asked, “Oh. It’s just that, we’re on our way to the castle,” he replied with that cheesy smile of his.
The blond rabbit man smacked his face with his hand. “For the love of…” he muttered, “You’ve got the direction sense of a blindfolded pig! How many times do we have to tell ya, un?! This is our turf, there’s nothing past here, but the mansion, un.”
“But I’m sure there’s a road to the castle…”
“No there isn’t! Now clear off!”
“Oh, did I go the wrong way again?” the brunet asked, causing sweatdrops to form around both blonds’ heads.
‘Well that explains what he was doing in the woods,’ Naruto thought dryly.
“I don’t believe you, un!” spat the March Hare, “You’re so clueless, it’s annoying. That cutesy act of yours is really pissing me off, un! I’d love nothing more right now than to shove a bullet into that cotton head of yours right now, un.”
“It wasn’t my intention to be cutesy,” Sai said smiling again. “Still, I am in your debt, Deidara-san. You led me out of here the last time and I don’t mind getting lost. It always lets me meet nice people like you.”
The blond rabbit man blushed profusely before whipping out his gun and firing at the brunet. With the speed of wind, the Knight of Hearts grabbed Naruto and leapt out of the way, causing the bullet to graze and tear the strap on his shoulder. “That was rather reckless, pal,” Sai chided, “You almost hit the outsider.”
“Look, pal, if you don’t wanna get lost ever again, I can fix that,” the March Hare snarled, still brandishing the gun, “Don’t dodge, un!”
“Naruto-kun,” Sai said, his tone suddenly serious, “Get over there in the shade.”
The blond gulped loudly at the taller boy’s icy tone and quickly obeyed.
“Oi! Eyes over here bubble head, un!” Deidara yelled, a malicious grin on his handsome face, “Dodge this if ya can, un!” He had his gun aimed mere inches away from the brunet’s chest. However, before he could even squeeze the trigger, the knight lifted his sword, not bothering to unsheathe it, and forced the rabbit man’s arm out of the way. The weapon’s hilt wound up pressing against the blond’s throat.
“Hmph,” spat Deidara, “Just what I’d expect from the Knight of Hearts, un. Guess I’ll have to be more careful, hmm?” He then leapt away from the deadly stick of metal and jewels, once again getting ready to shoot.
Sai stood calmly waiting for the first shot to come. When it did, he just as calmly stepped aside. Deidara kept shooting at the teen, getting more and more annoyed each time Sai escaped the equally deadly bits of metal. “Stand still, un!” shouted the March Hare.
‘Yikes! Someone’s gonna kick the bucket if they keep this up!’ Naruto silently said, while hiding behind one of the trees, ‘And it’ll probably be me! Believe it!’
“Looks like someone’s causing trouble for the cutie again, I see,” a deadly calm voice said, entering the fray. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten who makes the rules around here?”
‘I-Itachi Uchiha!’ Naruto suddenly felt his heart race and his face heat up at the head Hatter’s appearance.
“We’ve been over this before, Deidara,” Itachi said with an eerie calm.
“B-B-But… Sai…” sputtered the rabbit man, “Pissed…” The raven haired man eyed his subordinate quizzically, silently demanding him to explain himself or else. “It’s all his fault, un!” bellowed Deidara, pointing to a smiling Sai. “He keeps showing up around here, un!”
Itachi let out an exasperated sigh, “Just show him the way off my land, you’ll save more bullets that way.”
“Already tried that, un! He just keeps coming back!”
“Deidara,” the frightening calm was back in the Hatter’s voice, “I gave you a job even a half-wit should have no problems completing.”
“S-Sorry boss, un.”
“I must apologize, Sir Knight,” Itachi said with mock politeness, “My underling was rather rude.”
“Oh that’s alright,” chirped the smiling teen, “I’m not at all mad. Besides, Deidara-san’s a lousy shot.”
“Hn. Even so, you shouldn’t be wandering around here,” warned Itachi. “Deidara and I will start you on your way. Oh, and as for the cutie outsider, I am truly sorry for always letting you get involved in such troublesome matters.” The Hatter yakuza head held out his hand to the trembling blond and smiling, “You can trust me when I say it won’t happen again.” Naruto fought against the blush creeping back onto his face and timidly placed his hand in the much taller man’s, which he then promptly kissed.
“Ya better listen good, un,” snapped Deidara, “The castle’s that way,” he added, pointing in the direction they had come from.
“Really now?” Sai asked, wandering off in yet another completely direction.
“Oi! Come back here you dobe, un!” the March Hare yelled running after him and grabbing him by the collar of his jacket, “Don’t ya dare get lost while I’m talking to ya, un!”
“Yeesh, and they say I’m loud,” Naruto muttered. The blond snuck a glance at the taller man, finding it hard to tear his eyes away.
“You’re staring,” Itachi said, giving the blond a sly smile, “Do I have something on my face? I know you were staring at me earlier as well, what a naughty boy you must be.”
“N-N-No!” sputtered Naruto, blushing profusely, “I-It’s that you remind me of someone I know. A-Anyway, I’m sorry for running off like that before; that was really rude of me. Y-You really had me startled there, tho’.”
“And here I was thinking it was because you didn’t like me. Of course I should have known after that rather hungry look you just gave me, it wasn’t so,” Itachi said smirking while cupping the blond’s very red cheek with one gloved hand. “This person I remind you of, could it be a love of yours perhaps?”
“N-N-N-No way!” Naruto stammered, hastily shoving the Hatter’s arm away. “T-T-That’s not it!”
“You don’t appear to be lying,” Itachi mused, secretly overjoyed at the possibility of snaring the blond for himself. “Interesting. Am I correct in thinking that you are no longer with this person?”
“Um… yeah,” the blond answered nervously, “He told me he wanted to be with someone else and…”
“What a loathsome cad.”
“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” huffed the blond.
Itachi raised an elegant eyebrow. “Did you say that because, I’m one of the yakuza?” He let out a wry chuckle. “Ah, but I’m a totally different cad. If it were up to me, I’d never let go of a cutie with such fierce eyes.” Naruto’s blush quickly covered not only his face, but neck and ears as well, “I’d chop off his legs if he tried to run from me and I would gladly let him cut my heart out and stomp on it if I ever started to stray.”
“That’s a really creepy joke, ya know,” the blond said, chuckling nervously.
“I wasn’t joking,” Itachi said seriously. He cupped the boy’s cheek again and kissed his forehead, “If you were to turn that passion of yours on me, I’d make sure you’d never regret it,” he whispered seductively into the boy’s ear.
“L-Let me go!” Naruto sputtered, shoving the man away.
“Oh my!” Sai said coming back, smiling that cheesy smile yet again, “It appears the yakuza boss is trying to seduce you Naruto-kun.”
“As if, un!” Deidara snapped hitting the much shorter teen on the head. “The kid’s not the boss’s type at all, un!”
“You sure?” queried Sai, “They looked pretty intense a second ago. It’s shame you’ll never get anywhere with Naruto-kun, yakuza-san. He’s looking for Kakashi-san.”
“Kakashi Hatake?!” the March Hare wondered in surprise, “Why would anyone wanna look for that guy, hmm?!”
“I’ve got something I wanna say to ‘im.”
“I see,” Itachi said, all business once again, “Then I won’t keep you any longer. But I have to warn you, Kakashi Hatake is a very dangerous person. But I am certain that Sir Knight would most probably protect you should anything untoward happen.” Sai’s dark eyes flashed eerily as the Hatter turned to look at him, the fake cheesy smile on the boy’s face never budging for an instant.

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“You’re almost at the castle, un,” Deidara said making sure the directionally challenged knight was able to see the palace roofs peeking above the trees. “Don’t even think of leaving this path, ya got it, hmm?” Sai said nothing, just continued to smile. “Say kid,” the rabbit man said turning to Naruto, “Your name’s Naruto, right? Well, why don’t ya come back to our place next time, hmm. Boss says ya can come whenever you want, un.”
“Yes, and should you do so, I will give you a proper welcome. We aren’t always so rude toward our guests,” Itachi added in agreement, “I hope you don’t keep me waiting too long, cutie.” With that, the yakuza boss turned and left before anyone else from the castle spotted him, his trigger happy subordinate following him through the trees.
A few minutes later, Sai led the shorter blond through the castle gates and past the enormous and intricately carved palace doors. “Okaeri-nasai (welcome home), Sai-dono,” a pair of faceless ladies in red and black maid outfits chorused and bowed as they passed by. “And welcome to you, Sir Guest.”
“Good to see you too ladies,” the brunet replied, ignoring Naruto’s perplexed staring at the maids. “Let’s see,” he mused, steering the boy away from the help, “Kakashi-san’s usually with her majesty so I guess we should start with the receiving room.”
After endless wandering and constantly stopping for directions, the two finally made to the receiving room. Naruto gawked at the sight before him. Within the huge room, a elegantly carved and rather plush throne chair stood solemnly in the center of a mezzanine flanked by two curved staircases with wrought iron railings. Near the stairs were two faceless soldiers holding pikes with heart shaped points.
Upon the throne sat a pink haired girl dressed in an elaborate gown of black and red with hearts embroidered into the hems. A miniature crown said off to the side of her head. Standing off to one side and slightly behind the throne was a silver haired rabbit man.
“Ah-ha!” crowed the blond, “Finally found you, ya pervy rabbit guy!”
“Naru-chan!” cried Kakashi, leaping over the mezzanine railing and immediately glomping the boy. “I knew you’d come to me! And so quickly too! I knew you wanted to be near me!”
“H-H-Hey! Wait just a sec!” Naruto shouted, said shoving at the overly amorous White Rabbit only to succeed in knocking both of them over. “I don’t wanna be anywhere near you, you rapist! I just wanted…”
“You there,” the pink haired girl said in a commanding and imperious tone, “Boy, are you an outsider? Come here at once.”
“Who’re you?” Naruto asked.
“We,” the girl said eyeing the blond appraisingly, “are the Queen of Hearts. Our name is Sakura.”

~TBC~

Sakura: Whoo-hoo! Things are off to a rather interesting start, don’t you think?

Naruto: You’re really sick you know that lady?! That’s what I think, believe it! I still can’t get the taste of pervy sensei outta my mouth!

Ita: I can help with that Naru-chan.

Sakura: Yeesh Uchiha! Get a room!!! Anyhoo, lemme know whatcha think ppl! Hope you had as much fun reading this as much as I had writing it. ^_^