Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ His Doorstep ❯ His Doorstep ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: All characters belong to their respective creators. If any part of this fiction resembles another, it is purely coincidental.

 

 

His Doorstep

 

 

 

 

::I Won't Say I Love You::

I won't say the words.
I won't make things awkward.
I won't say I love you
I won't say a word.

I'll be happy with what we have.
I wish it could be different.
You're my coffee, my fantasy.
My best friend, my companion.

I'm sorry that I love you.
I'm sorry that I can't stop.
I've tried to hide my feelings.
But they won't go away.

Forgive me for making things awkward!
For falling foolishly in love!
But the heart doesn't listen!
And it's tearing me apart!

I won't say the words.
I won't make things awkward.
I won't say I love you
I won't say a word.

Please don't say your sorry
It wasn't your fault.
I won't say the words
I won't make things awkward.
I won't say I love you.
I won't say a word.

© April Zumwalt 2004

 

 

Her body shivered as once again a cold draft wrapped its way around her tired frame. She brought a hand up to tuck an errant strand of hair back behind her ear. Questions filtered through her mind, each demanding her attention. What was she doing? It was wrong, she shouldn't be doing this. But still, even if she knew that what she was doing was wrong, he had a right to know. She had to tell him.

 

 

She stopped when she reached his doorstep, unsure if she should make the final move and knock on his wooden door. Eyelids blinked over jade green eyes as determination set in. She had no choice but to do this. This matter wasn't about the simple things in life, but more complexes. She had no choice; he had a right to know.

 

 

Her right foot moved first, followed shortly after by her left foot. She was at his door now, nothing more but a foot away. Strength returned to her arm as she lifted it up and knocked quietly. Half of her wanting him to be home, half of her wishing for him to be gone.

 

 

No response came, and she was saddened with the fact that she was almost relieved. Leaning a little to the side, she peered into his window. But there were no answers there, as the inside was just as dark as the outside.

 

 

The wind chose that moment in time to once again shower her with bitter cold, forcing more shivers to run the length of her form. But she would stand out there on his doorstep all night if she had to. She couldn't leave, the decision was made and that left her with no other options but to stand there.

 

 

Again she tried knocking on the door, a bit more loudly this time in case he was asleep. But still, what was she doing here, standing on this mans doorstep as though the world depended on her. It was wrong, and by all regards she shouldn't even be there. And once again, she had to remind herself that he did have a right to know.

 

 

Light flickered to life in the window, illuminating her face in a gentle glow. She sucked in a breath as she waited with baited breath for him to open the door. She knew he would be confused, and if put in the same spot as him, she would have been too.

 

 

A shadow crossed its way to the door, and a soft clicking noise followed. She closed her eyes, not wanting to fully see this expression at having her at his doorstep. It was a terrible thing she was doing, and it was wrong.

 

 

The door opened a crack, reveling a set of deep blue eyes.

 

 

"Sakura?" He questioned, not too sure why the girl was standing at his door

 

 

With eyes still closed she nodded. There was no escape for her now, no way out, and maybe if she had thought about it a little more before she set out, she would have come up with a back up. But life wasn't fair like that, and she was left standing in the cold, wishing for this to be a dream.

 

 

"Hi." She whispered, at a loss of what else she should be saying.

 

 

This was wrong, it was all wrong.

 

 

The man stared at her, his head quirked just enough to show that he was indeed confused. A smile tugged at her lips as she observed his behavior. Even after all this time he still hadn't changed.

 

 

"May I come in?" She asked, her smile grew fuller as the man quickly shook of his confused look and motioned for her.

 

 

It almost made her happy that she had come, almost. How did it come down to this, why did he have to be the one she had to tell. She chided herself then, she knew the answer. He just had the right to know. Even if it tore her heart out of her chest in telling him, she had to no matter what.

 

 

He sat down on his couch, not speaking a word as he continued to wait for her. Her arms snaked across her stomach, seeking comfort. With a heavy sigh, she followed his example and situated herself down in front of him. She could have cried there, with all the emotions that were pouring though her system. Happiness, sadness, even a touch of bitterness made themselves known to her.

 

 

"So, ano, what are you doing up so late?" He asked, feeling uncomfortable with the silence that had settled down with her. He couldn't help it, he really did want to know why she was at his house, why she had been standing in his door way looking as though the world had just dropped out from underneath her. But he decided to ask a simple question first, as their answers were easier to understand.

 

 

She was quiet for a moment, choosing the safest rout for her explanation. Could she really tell him? What would he think of her then?

 

 

Scared, and a bit confused as well, she choose to answer in the only way she knew how. "I was thinking of you."

 

 

She lifted her head to see what his expression would tell her. That was the way he was, to wear his emotions like a sleeve appeared to be his motto in life. Her eyes misted over, why did he have to be so dense?

 

 

"Why?" He questioned, paranoia settling in his stomach.

 

 

Why was he doing this to her? She couldn't tell him! If she told him the truth, then he would know. He would see her for who she really was a liar, a cheater. There was no way she could ruin their friendship just because he had a right to know. She couldn't risk it. It was just so wrong.

 

 

She stood hastily, her nerves already on edge at just being in his house, and mumbled a quick apology before turning quickly and heading to her escape. It could be a dream, they could forget. All she needed was time, and everything would be the way it used to. They could forget that she had ever stood on his doorstep, ever thought about doing him a terrible wrong, and they could continue living in the illusion that everything was okay.

 

 

But it wasn't okay, and he needed to know that.

 

 

Before she was able to reach for the door, a hand had already grabbed hold of her wrist, successfully stopping any plans she had about leaving. His mere touch brought shivers to her body, and she wanted nothing more then, than to throw herself into his arms and weep away her troubles.

 

 

"Hey, where 're you going? What's wrong?" He asked as he jumped to catch hold of her before she left.

 

 

She was trapped, caught in the web of truth the fates had spun for her. Her escaped loomed in front of her, taunting her in such a way that she would never make it. But it was all wrong, she shouldn't tell him. What was she doing there?

 

 

He tugged more forcefully at her wrist, trying to plead for her to stay.

 

 

"What's wrong Sakura? Tell me what happened?" He asked softly.

 

 

She closed her eyes, and wished for the world then to turn back a few days. If only she had known what was going to happen, she would have never agreed to go out to the pub.

 

 

"I can't tell you." Her voice was quiet, rough. She didn't want this, she didn't want to be sanding in this mans home. It was wrong, and her conscience screamed at her to do the right thing. But by doing the right thing would mean that he would never know, and that alone was wrong. Why was this new life of hers appearing to become more of a double-sided blade then anything else. What happened to the flowers?

 

 

He let go of her arm then, and watched as it slowly fell to rest by her body limply. He wouldn't force her to tell him, she obviously had her reasons. But the small part of him that still cared deeply for the girl standing in front of him wanted to grab hold of her and shake her. Make her explain to him what happened, why she seemed so lost. Older now, and more in control of his emotions, he would let the girl go.

 

 

"I see." Was all he said, softly, quietly, smoothly. And she hated him for it. He was making her feel the bad guy, and even though that's what she thought herself to be, she didn't need him to make her feel worse.

 

 

Her head snapped in his direction, her eyes set into a glare as she spoke, "This is all your fault you know! If you weren't you then this wouldn't be a problem!"

 

 

His eyes narrowed considerably, he was going to play mature for her, was going to let her deal with her problem how she wanted to. But now, as she had said it was his fault, he needed to know why it was. He needed to know, so he could say he was sorry.

 

 

This time, he did grab hold of her shoulders. But not for the intention of shaking her, but instead to turn her around so she would be facing him.

 

 

Her eyes widened when he grabbed and turned her, not really expecting a reaction as that.

 

 

"What do you mean this is my fault? What happened?" He asked, his eyes set in determination. She didn't respond though, instead she lowered her head to stare at her feet.

 

 

When once again she failed to answer his questions, he forcefully gave her shoulders a little shake. "If that bastard did something to you . . ." His statement was cut short when the once small girl, now a fully grown woman, flung her arms around his waist and nestled her face into his chest.

 

 

He was momentarily stunned, unsure of what brought this reaction about. The words he was about to stay fell from his mind as he brought his arms around Sakura to hold her to him. His eyes narrowed considerable as he glared at the door. When he caught up with that bastard again, he would teach him a lesson for doing this to his Sakura. But the more immediate person was plastered to his chest, so Sasuke would have to wait. His glare was quickly replace with a gentler smile as he looked down upon the pink hair. He rested his cheek on her head and offered any soothing words he could find.

 

 

"Shh, Sakura. It's okay. I'll make him pay for doing this to you."

 

 

She gave a little chuckle, mentally noting the irony of the whole situation. There he was, holding her and telling her that he would make "him" pay. While in all actuality, it was he himself who had caused her grief. Drawing in a deep breath, Sakura prepared to tell him the truth.

 

 

But how wrong the truth seemed!

 

 

"No Naruto, it wasn't Sasuke."

 

 

That presented a problem to him. If it wasn't Sasuke, then was it really him who had hurt her? But if that was the case, then why was Sakura allowing him to hold her? It just didn't make any sense.

 

 

She was becoming too lost in his warmth. It was everything that she never knew she always needed, and it both relieved and scared her. And then he spoke, and the world ended.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Sakura."

 

 

His arms fell away from her and he took a step back. His eyes were closed, his head bowed slightly to the side, and she wanted nothing more than to gather him up and cuddle him. Instead, she too bowed her head and found a great interest in her feet.

 

 

"You know Naruto, Sasuke was the one I thought I always wanted to be with."

 

 

He didn't say anything, didn't give any sign that he was even listening to her. But she knew that he was. She knew, because she needed him to listen to her.

 

 

"So you can imagine my joy when he finally agreed to have a date with me. I thought 'you did it Sakura, he's finally yours now.' So we agreed to meet at the pub earlier tonight. Have a few drinks, that sort of thing."

 

 

She gave a soft, almost sad laugh as she recalled her earlier date with Sasuke. This was wrong, dreadfully so.

 

 

"So we laughed, and talked . . .we had a good time. Really. But, as the seconds kept passing, I found myself wanting some one else to be sitting there instead of Sasuke. I was . . .confused. There I was, on a date with the man of my dreams, and suddenly I found him lacking. He wasn't what I wanted anymore. He wasn't the man that I wanted to be with."

 

 

The truth was upon her then; it was tell him now, or never. She could be with him forever, or she could watch some one else be with him forever. The selfish part of her screamed for her to tell him, to take what was hers and to be done with it. But the more sensible part of her, the one she often listened to, told her that Naruto would never belong to her. Ultimately, her more selfish side won, and she decided to claim what she believed was hers.

 

 

Suddenly, it didn't seem so wrong anymore.

 

 

Her lips tugged into a smile and her eyes crinkled at the sides. "He wasn't you Naruto. The man that was sitting in front of me in that bar wasn't you."

 

 

The truth was out now, swirled around the small room like a cloud beckoning for the wind. Sakura shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to see the expression of rejection on his face. Still, she dared to hope that he would suddenly lift her up and hold her tightly to his chest. He would never let her go, and she would finally be happy.

 

 

Reality, it is something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily. And in cases such as these, cold and unyielding.

 

 

It was slight, but she could feel it, as if the small atmosphere within that room had shifted in such a way that became almost foreboding to her. As if she could almost foretell the misfortune that lingered within the fragments of the last sentence she had just happily spoken. She knew it was coming, the crashing wave to drench her sunny beach. Her breath froze in her throat, her heartbeat slowed to a sad rhythm.

 

 

That was why it was wrong, that was why she hated to tell him.

 

 

"Sakura . . . I." His voice was small, uncertain, and it made her want to cry out even more. Her foolish dream, her foolish hope, it was all wrong, and to be faced with such a monster was a kind of hurt she wasn't ready to deal with.

 

 

Cowardliness was not a virtue she held dear though, with the stealing of nerves she forced her eyes open to view the end of her foolishness. With the sight before her, her world crumbled quickly. A split second later, it would have been too late. But she saw it, saw the pieces of her world fall beneath her feet.

 

 

"Sakura . . . I'm engaged."

 

 

A light chuckle passed her lips as she silently wept for the opportunity she had missed.

 

 

"I know Naruto, I know."

 

 

That was why it was wrong, that was why it hurt so much.

 

 

 

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A/N: The things one thinks up when it is three in the morning are truly scary. . . Let me know if you like it!

 

 

Fanfic by inca