Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Hot Sand ❯ More to the Story ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: I do not own the anime Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

 

Chapter 10: More to the Story

 

Warning: This chapter alludes to a character death that I had happen in the past…sorry if you don't like that kind of stuff, but it was essential to the plot.

 

+++++++++++++++

 

BEGIN CHAPTER

 

+++++++++++++++

 

 

Heartache never suited Hatake Kakashi well, that is why when Sakura decided not to see him anymore there was no regret or apology that he felt he owed her. The fact that she hadn't spoken to him any more than to accomplish a mission or to acknowledge his presence was a bit disheartening, but Kakashi knew that she would get over him eventually. He had truly hoped that Sakura would cure him of the perpetual love slump that he had been in for many years. Kakashi had desired for her to be the one to make him feel more than the empty loneliness that seemed to consume his heart…but she hadn't. Not even Sakura could give him back what he had lost so many years ago, but he wasn't too worried because he had heard the rumors from Naruto about Kankuro of the Sand. Yes…Kankuro would be a good match for the kunoichi, much better than he was.

 

Though the day was bitterly cold and the wind seemed to nip at every bit of exposed flesh, Kakashi found himself wandering the area around Konoha without much direction or purpose. He was just going, letting his feet take him wherever they so chose. Kakashi had been surprised when he saw where he had ended up, and froze in place only about ten yards from the memorial stone.

 

Looking up at the sky he grumbled, “Trying to tell me something?” he asked the clouds. Almost in response Kakashi felt a few slick pellets of sleet fall on his head, one that landed in his uncovered eye and made him rub it with irritation.

 

With an extended sigh Kakashi kept walking toward the stone, wishing that he had stayed in bed instead of allowing his thoughts to bring him here. Pulling the glove off of his hand Kakashi brushed the engraved marble with his fingers, paying particular attention to the name of his closest boyhood friend. “I blame you for today, because I think you had something to do with this,” Kakashi murmured to the engraving of Obito's name.

 

The wind picked up and a gush of fallen leaves zipped by Kakashi in a playful manner.

 

“Now I know you do,” he said with a half smile that was covered by his mask. “I'm sorry that I haven't visited you in awhile, I've been busy…so very busy.”

 

Though this was only a memorial, and there were no bodies of the friends of Kakashi's that were engraved on it beneath or anywhere around him, there was something about this spot that made him feel closer to his fallen comrades than any other in Konoha. It had been about four years since Kakashi had visited this place and even longer since he had taken the time to talk to Obito. Kakashi watched as a red leaf flew toward the marble remembrance and smacked into it, sticking with a wet smack making Kakashi laugh a bit as he noted where it had glued itself to on the memorial.

 

“Yes, yes…I haven't forgotten you either, but I guess that I have been avoiding you,” Kakashi told the leaf as he pealed it off the name it covered. The lump in Kakashi's throat became more solidified and words were no longer an option as he carefully studied the person that he hadn't visited in many years. The sleet began coming down in heavier sheets, though Kakashi was almost grateful to the cold pre-winter drizzle, because it hid the fact that the sleet wasn't the only wetness on his face.

 

“I wonder if you are mad at me? I mean, since you died I became a recluse and then…well…like I said I was busy.” Another batch of wet leaves swept around him in the wind and one landed on his face with a moist thwack. “I guess I deserve that, don't I?”

 

There was no answer, but the brief downfall and wind died down into a calmer manner, one that made Kakashi wish that he wasn't forgiven by the elements that he'd deemed his dead friends and lover. “I miss you,” he whispered, once again staring at the name that had been covered by the leaf. “Some days I think that it's impossible to go on without you…”

 

Over the hill Kakashi could sense someone's chakra and was instantly silenced. It was one thing to talk to your friends' memorial, but it was another thing entirely to be caught doing so. Kakashi turned his feelings inward and held them as he saw one of his teammates coming over the hill to the training area where the memorial was placed.

 

“I've been looking for you everywhere,” came a frustrated growl from the dark-haired young man that approached Kakashi.

 

“Hmm, me?” Kakashi feigned, trying not to laugh at the Uchiha's impatience.

 

“You knew we were supposed to train and spar today, I reminded you three times yesterday,” Sasuke hissed at Kakashi.

 

“I'm only a few hours late,” Kakashi told Sasuke in a matter of fact fashion.

 

“No, you are about six hours late. I have a test in three days for captain, Kakashi. This was important...you never forget the important stuff.”

 

Kakashi winced, he had completely overlooked that Sasuke was testing for ANBU captain rank this week. “I'm sorry, I guess that I was just a little distracted.”

 

“What was so important that you forgot about my test?” Sasuke demanded of Kakashi. The Uchiha was so obviously pissed that there was no hiding the anger that seethed from him. How was Kakashi supposed to let him know that he was feeling a bit depressed and had been aimlessly wandering the countryside in search of himself for most of the day?

 

Kakashi decided that it would be better to pretend to be an ass and whipped out a familiar series book from his pocket. “New book…came out today,” he told Sasuke while motioning at the porn in his hands. “I couldn't put it down, you know me.”

 

Sasuke, not one for making any extra emotional outbursts like Naruto or Sakura only squinted his eyes at the man and actually growled at Kakashi's act of idiocy. Sasuke calmed down when he noticed that it was obvious that the book hadn't even been opened. Kakashi never went easy on his books and there were none of the normal signs of use, no creased spine or dog-eared pages. Even on the first read Kakashi would always mark the good parts by bending the corners of the pages, saving certain spots for further review in private. This book that Kakashi was holding was completely untouched. “Well, are you ready now?” Sasuke asked his former sensei.

 

“I suppose, just let me say goodbye,” Kakashi told the younger man while tucking the book back into his vest pocket.

 

“Goodbye?”

 

“Yes.” Kakashi didn't explain further, only averted his eyes from Sasuke to the stone below him, touching the two most important names once more and allowing a sad sigh to cross his lips. To the stone he added, “I'll visit again soon, this time I will keep that promise.”

 

Sasuke followed Kakashi's arm and fingers down to the two people that he was speaking to. One was Obito, Kakashi's former teammate, and the other…

 

“Are you ready to go?” Kakashi asked Sasuke, removing his fingers from the stone and breaking the Uchiha of his trance.

 

“It has been so many years…even Naruto has stopped talking about it,” Sasuke muttered as he watched Kakashi start moving down the hill to their normal training area.

 

“Many years…” Kakashi whispered, “…but still not enough.”

 

Sasuke didn't have to ask what Kakashi meant by that, he knew what the other person had meant to Kakashi and how it had nearly destroyed his sensei when that person died. Kakashi had become very quiet in the first year or two after his lover's death and then pulled a complete one-eighty and seemed to bed as many people as he could find. Kakashi hadn't completely gotten over the death of Iruka, and he probably never would. This was something that Sasuke and the rest of Team 7 understood fully. Sasuke had hoped, just like everyone else, that Sakura would be able to help heal Kakashi's heart. Their coupling was the first relationship he had been in since Iruka's death, but it wasn't meant to be. Kakashi seemed unfazed by their breakup and Sakura got her heart broken.

 

Sasuke sighed, love…it was something for only the foolhardy and weak. Love was meant for those that were dependant on others, and there would be no woman that he would ever allow himself to get that close to…never.

 

“So why didn't you go find Naruto or Sakura to help you?” Kakashi asked, secretly hoping to pawn Sasuke onto someone else, because training didn't sound like fun today at all. The only thing the copy-nin wanted to do was go crawl back into bed or return to the memorial.

 

“They are in Suna. Another meeting with Gaara.”

 

Kakashi noted the bitterness which was woven into Sasuke's voice when he mentioned the Kazekage. Before Naruto and Gaara had become involved Sasuke had no problems with the Suna leader, but now…

 

“Jealous?” Kakashi asked nonchalantly, trying not to tempt Sasuke into too much anger. The Uchiha and Naruto were too much for him to handle, and the only reason why Sasuke hadn't made it as an ANBU captain yet was because of his betrayal of Konoha during his youth. Upon his homecoming to Leaf Sasuke had been an entirely different person, one that still seethed with rage and hatred, even after the death of Itachi. It took many years and much patience for the only Uchiha survivor to even remotely return to the person that he had been before running away to train with Ochimaru. Naruto could take credit for most of reverting Sasuke back to his former self, but the two always seemed to have a rift between them. One that Kakashi was sure that Sasuke had placed there himself.

 

Naruto ate, breathed, and slept with Sasuke on his mind during his adolescence. There was nothing than he wanted more than his “brother” back. This made Kakashi chuckle inwardly, because Sasuke and Naruto were about the furthest thing from brothers as two men could be. They were family all right, but not the kind that were related by blood. Kakashi even knew about their drunken adventure that had almost allowed Sasuke to reveal his true feelings, but the Uchiha was stubborn to a fault. None of the great Uchiha clan would bed another man, especially when that said clan needed to be rebuilt. Sasuke's desire to always fulfill his duty first and his desires never would be the death of him.

 

Kakashi realized that Sasuke hadn't answered his question, “I asked if you were jealous…”

 

“Why would I be jealous of that red-headed psychopath?” Sasuke growled.

 

“I don't know, your voice just hinted that you were,” Kakashi teased.

 

“I'm angry because my favorite training partner is too busy screwing some guy in Sand to realize that he has obligations at home.”

 

“Obligations to who…to you?” Kakashi tested.

 

“Yes, as his teammate he has a duty to me, and as the Hokage he has a duty to Konoha. Not to Suna!”

 

“Really? Because I hear that Naruto has received nothing but praise for his diplomatic efforts that are held in Suna. They claim that he is one of the most important peacekeepers of our time, a very high piece of praise if you ask me.”

 

Kakashi finished his statement and watched as Sasuke bit his lip to keep the angry words at bay. A smile crept onto Kakashi's lips and he knew that the next words that would leave Sasuke's mouth would have been completely irrational and wholly emotional, therefore the raven-haired young man would do everything in his power to keep them inside and away from admittance. Sasuke was definitely stubborn to a fault, but Kakashi supposed that it was only the Uchiha's happiness that had been destroyed, so who was he to judge. Everyone could be self-destructive from time to time, even himself.

 

Kakashi mused and thought about the disparaging pattern of taking too many lovers that he'd fallen victim to over the past couple of years. It had started as a way to forget about Iruka, but in the long run it only made him feel guilty and empty. Perhaps it was time to stop this foolhardy behavior. If there was one thing that Kakashi could tell Sasuke with full confidence, it would be to stop being an moron and just let his heart lead him…perhaps Kakashi should take that advice himself.

 

“We two are just a couple of idiots,” Kakashi told Sasuke with one of his famous smiling eye-creases.

 

Sasuke lifted an eyebrow in complete confusion, even forgetting about how mad he was at Naruto. “What do you mean by that?”

 

“I mean that we are two peas in a pod…so much alike in our stupidity that it's almost laughable,” Kakashi told Sasuke with certainty.

 

“Seriously, I don't understand. What are you talking about, Kakashi?”

 

“You love Naruto, but you won't let yourself love him. That makes you an idiot.”

 

Sasuke turned bright red and started cursing and spitting profanities at Kakashi, who took the verbal beating in stride.

 

“Wait, wait…I'm not finished,” Kakashi told Sasuke when the younger man quieted down enough to interrupt. “I'm an idiot too, because I'm too stupid to realize that I can fall in love again. See…a pair of morons that don't let themselves be loved.”

 

Kakashi continued walking, but Sasuke was absolutely appalled by Kakashi's theory. Though the part about Kakashi was probably true, Sasuke did not love Naruto. The thought of being in love with his moronic blond teammate made Sasuke's stomach queasy and turn. He voiced this to Kakashi, “That seriously makes me want to puke, Kakashi. I think you've lost your mind.”

 

“Hmmm…perhaps it's because you know that you've lost him. I know that's exactly how I felt when Iruka died. In fact, I think I threw up for days.”

 

Sasuke watched as Kakashi's seemingly happy attitude vanished and his sensei now seemed so deflated and small. When did Kakashi go from being the man that had taught him everything to being so…broken? “I'm disgusted by that thought.”

 

“With him or yourself?” Kakashi asked quietly.

 

“With the thought of being with him,” Sasuke quickly snapped back.

 

“Hmm…actually think about it and then answer that question. You are letting your anger tell you how you feel, and aren't letting your heart speak.” Kakashi focused on Sasuke with a fierce look, one that said that Sasuke really should heed his advice. “I'll meet you in the training field when you are ready, but if you don't come I'll understand.”

 

A flurry of leaves enveloped Kakashi's body and with a poof of smoke the copy-nin was gone. Sasuke was left alone with his thoughts and his anger. “Fine,” Sasuke hissed to himself. Sitting on a damp, fallen tree Sasuke decided to actually think about it. So what if Naruto and he had almost…

 

Sasuke sighed, unable to squelch the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

 

What if you really have lost him? a voice in Sasuke's mind seemed to ask, one that sounded far too much like himself for the Uchiha's liking.

 

Naruto doesn't love you, he loves Gaara.

 

The voice didn't seem to want to leave Sasuke alone, and it was telling him things that were preposterous and stupid. Sasuke didn't mind if Naruto was with Gaara, it simply didn't matter and Sasuke didn't care.

 

You care.

 

“I do not!” Sasuke muttered into the empty woods around him, causing his inner voice to chuckle a bit.

 

See…you definitely care.

 

This was insane, Sasuke was sitting alone in a secluded training area while arguing with a voice in his head. He didn't care a bit about who Naruto loved or fucked, so long as it wasn't him. There was nothing in the world that Sasuke desired less than to be with that loser.

 

That loser is a Hokage…even surpassed you, so who is the loser?

 

Actually, Sasuke couldn't argue with that point, especially since he was fighting with himself. Naruto wasn't a loser anymore, he was the leader of Konoha and doing quite the fine job in his new post. Sasuke swallowed the lump that had settled in the back of his throat, trying to will away the thoughts that were plaguing him. The barrage of everything that was Naruto seemed to flood his mind all at once. The way the idiot had saved him…helped him kill Itachi…welcomed him home…the way Naruto kissed…

 

Sasuke shook his head furiously, he hadn't just thought about kissing Naruto. That was something that he'd locked away in a corner of his brain, swearing that it had only been some drunken, horny error on Sasuke's part that had been egged on by Naruto. The thing that had happened between them was just a mistake. A stupid, foolish mistake.

 

Not a mistake. Never a mistake.

 

The voice whispered the thing that Sasuke had feared the most. Kakashi had been right…he was an idiot. He and Kakashi were two of a kind, and he was too much of a fool to not see it until it was too late. Sasuke had feelings for Naruto and had waited too long, because now the moron was shacking up with Gaara. Sasuke sat stunned with his fingers clutching tufts of raven hair and propped his spinning head up, because the world had become far too dizzy and hazy in the last few minutes. Naruto's face flashed into Sasuke's mind, almost tempting Sasuke into a fiery tantrum with himself for being so stupid. Sasuke did have feelings for Naruto…

 

…yes, you love him.

 

++++++++++++++++

 

END OF CHAPTER

 

++++++++++++++++