Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ I'm the Best! ❯ Chapter 1

A/N: This idea attacked me out of nowhere recently, and like the true basket case I am, I forgot to post it here. X3

 

Warnings: Bisexuality, mentions of oral sex, silliness, NaruSakuSasu

 

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. I'm expecting the copyright in my mailbox soon, though. ~__^

 

 

 

I'm the Best!

 

Sakura was halfway through a rather intriguing scroll on pressure points with rather unique effects when she was no longer able to block out their voices.

 

"I do, too!"

 

A snort was the only reply from the other male.

 

"I so do, and you know it!"

 

"Hmph. Like that's something to be proud of.”

 

“You're just saying that, because you know I'm better. Admit it.”

 

“The only thing you're better at is acting like a moron.”

 

A chair scraped across the kitchen floor angrily, and Sakura cringed. If this little debate of theirs led to bloodshed, so help her, she would have to kill them. They barely got back any of their deposit on the last place. They sure as hell weren't trashing this one.

 

The blonde must've heard her thoughts - or perhaps sensed her anger - because instead of hearing the angered insults she expected, there was only a low-pitched chuckle followed by a very amused, “Okay, so how about we prove it?”

 

There was nothing but silence as, Sakura assumed, they considered that idea. Ooookay, that would be my cue to leave, she decided.

 

She'd barely made it two steps away from the couch when a loud, nasal voice bellowed, “Oh, Saaaakura-chaaaaaaan!!”

 

She sighed in defeat as she turned toward the kitchen, slump-shouldered, where Naruto and Sasuke were arguing over who-knows-what. It was bad enough that stuff like this still went on between them, but to drag her into it, too…. Ugh, just… ugh.

 

“What now?” she asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in her voice. Sasuke was turned away from them, clearly irritated. She could definitely sympathize.

 

“Bastard here thinks he gives better head than me.”

 

Sakura sputtered. “W..what?!”

 

“I know! That's what I said. There's no way he's better than me when he hardly ever does it! I had to bribe him last time, and then he kept gagging and… oomph.”

 

That punch was completely expected. In fact, Sakura was glad Sasuke had done it, otherwise she'd have been forced to knock some sense into him herself. “That's not what I meant, Naruto,” she sighed. “I can't believe this is what you two have been arguing about!”

 

“Hey, it's important stuff,” the blonde argued. “That's why we need someone to judge.”

 

“So what exactly do you think I can…” Her eyes widened as realization hit her. “Oh, no. No way. I'm not going to do that. Just accept the fact that you'll never know. It can be one of life's great mysteries.”

 

Naruto was pouting. Feh, let him pout, she decided.

 

“But Sakura-chan, I'd do it for you.”

 

It was now her turn to snort. “You've turned into a woman for most of the perverts in the village. I fail to see how that's the same thing.”

 

“Hey, I haven't done that in years - well, except that one time - but still, you know I'd never let anyone actually touch my hot babe form besides you guys.”

 

Sakura just shook her head. Moments like these reminded her just how surreal it was that she was involved with the loud-mouthed prankster. Who'd have ever thought she'd end up here with both of them and be happy? Clearly not her.

 

“Oi, you can't seriously be considering turning down two blowjobs even if one of them kinda sucks.”

 

She saw Sasuke's eyebrow twitch at that, but thankfully, he did nothing more.

 

“Come on, Sakura-chan. We can even do it at the same time. I know there's no way that doesn't sound appealing,” he tempted, grinning widely as he slid up beside her.

 

Sakura glanced back and forth between them. Naruto was watching with a hopeful and slightly lecherous expression. Sasuke was no longer turned away pretending to ignore them. That meant something. He might appear indifferent, but he was at least somewhat interested in the turn of events. Hmm…

 

Naruto's grin got impossibly wider. He knew she was considering it. It was then that the nice mental image of them on their knees pleasing her turned into them rolling on the floor trying to strangle each other.

 

“What am I thinking? NO. I'm not having any part of this. That'd be like me saying who…” she cut herself off before she said anything that really would provoke a fight. “Just… no.”

 

“Who's better in bed?” Sasuke finished what he assumed the rest of her statement to be.

 

“What? No. I didn't say that.” Damn it, damn it, damn it!

 

“That's what you were thinking, though, wasn't it?” he added, smirking slightly.

 

Sakura glared daggers at Sasuke. What the hell is wrong with him? Can't he see I'm trying to stop all this foolish bickering? Ugh, never mind, fighting is what they do best.

 

“So who is better?” Naruto asked, a bit of curiosity unintentionally seeping into his voice.

 

Sakura looked at him like he'd grown a second head. There was no way in hell she was going to answer that question.

 

“I am, of course,” she boasted before quickly turning tail and leaving the kitchen. Some days they really were too much.

 

“Aww, Sakura-chan, you know that's not what I meant,” she heard Naruto call to her before turning his attention back to Sasuke. “I still give better head than you do,” he taunted.

 

“Whatever, Dead Last.”

 

And still, they argued. She'd hoped her last comment would've been the end of it, but it only served to take their attention away from her. She really wanted to finish reading her scroll, damn it.

 

“Hey!” Sakura hollered from the living room, “If you guys are so concerned with your performance, maybe you should go in the bedroom and train for a while.” How she kept herself from laughing, she'd never know.

 

The suggestion was greeted with complete and utter silence.

 

She smiled to herself as she sat back down on the couch with her scroll. She'd have to remember that one!