Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Ice Picks and Hand Grenades ❯ Flower in the Concrete ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Naruto may not be mine, but Kibamaru is.

Chapter 16: Flower In The Concrete

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

I sputter out incoherent words, I don't know what I'm supposed to say, what I'm trying to say... I... all I can do is feel his hands on my shoulders, touching me gently as though I were about to break. He pulls me upward until I feel my body straighten, my muscles tighten... and he does nothing. His hands slide down and away from my body.

"Shikamaru, take a walk with me." Is he asking me? I don't think so. I don't have a say in this. His fingers entangle with mine and are pulling, pulling. My feet step awkwardly with the flow, as if walking through a river, even though there's no water to speak of.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

I don't know how far from camp we are when he stops. Turning slowly toward me, he releases my fingers and languidly drops his hand to his side. I can't see the expression on his face, but I can see his body move, falling back and landing with a crunch like that of dried leaves. He then sits up like he's been folded in half.

"Sit with me. We have to clear some stuff up."

I hesitantly do as instructed, carefully sitting cross legged on the ground. "That would be a nice change." I whisper. "I haven't been clear headed in longer than I'd like to remember."

I can hear him smile, as strange as that may seem. "Good. I was afraid you were going to clam up again."

"Again?" What's he-

"You've been avoiding me, Shikamaru. And I don't mean just avoiding me, I mean like I'm the plague or something. And when you have no choice you just get really cold. I... I dunno. I guess it's really your business and not mine, but..." He pauses, shuffling uncomfortably. "You've... got the wrong idea about me and Shino."

Oh really? Somehow I doubt that. "You two were starting a relationship, right?"

"Dammit." He lets out a long breath through his nose. "The only reason I even tried to date Shino was because of shit you said the night before!" The rise in temperature seems physical.

"Me? Please explain." I cross my arms.

"I-ah! I can't fucking quote you! That was like a month ago!"

"You'd think if it was that important, you would have been able to remember it."

He huffs, leaning in to hug his knees. "Asshole. I'm not a frickin' genius, okay. I'm sorry. I don't have a photographic memory. I just... I remember in feelings, sensory, stuff like that. And-and I remember you said something that really stung me. But I've had some time, ya know. I realized something, it wasn't too hard to figure out, but since I've been on this mission, it's really cemented. What I came here to tell you is that dating Shino was a mistake."

"Didn't seem like it when I saw you after my coma."

"It went against every instinct in my body. We only went on three dates and it was after that last one I started to figure out..." He stops, his voice softening. "Hell, I know I'm an emotional basketcase sometimes, it's not like I can help it. But, ya know, that's why I listen to my instincts. Ever since that night with you, I haven't even looked at any guys. I mean, I've looked at girls, but just girls. I didn't think about it at first but... I think now I'm sure of it. I'm not gay, I.. I just don't think I usually swing that way. That's why dating Shino was a total mistake. I wasn't attracted to him at all, and it just felt wrong, like I was leading him on or something. I guess.. I guess that was what I was doing."

For some reason, that cuts me. Cuts me deep. "Then why the fuck are you playing with me, Kiba?"

I feel him come close enogh that our knees are but a breadth apart. I shirk away a bit. I can feel him, and it's just too much. "There's something about you, I don't know. It's hard to explain, but in my mind and with my body, there's something you have that transcends gender."

"But that's-"

"Don't step on your own toes, man." He stands up, suddenly, though I can still barely tell in this lack of light. "In the morning, things will be different for us. It'll be like a fresh start, leaving all that emotional baggage crap behind us."

I stand up, sluggishly. "Like nothing ever happened? Isn't that called running away from your problems?"

"Sometimes. But I didn't really think we were talking about problems, here. So, I guess, uh, let's not forget, let's just keep moving forward." His hands move toward my shoulders. It feels like he's going to... this is what it feels like before...

"Kiba..."

"Maybe we should get back."

"What about... you're still yanking my chain, aren't you?" He blinks a few times, but I can tell little else regarding his facial expressions. "You asked me... if I was bored. Those were your words."

"ARE you bored?" Why did I bring all this up? Am I really considering this again? I look down, though I doubt he can see it. "Come on then. Don't force yourself."

His hand tugs my shoulder stiffly. That's not... I reach up, my hands guiding their way up his neck to where they know his face should be and I pull him towards me. I don't care, can't stand it anymore. I can't stand feeling him so close to me, having his hands on me... my fingers slowly creep over the hard ridge of his chin, gently probing until they meet the soft, fleshy mounds of skin that compose his lips. I ghost across the skin with my thumb before letting my own lips come in contact with his. I remember how soft his skin is, the warmth of his breath... it just never felt this real before. What kind of horrible nightmare is this that lets me feel something like this? I feel his entire body soften, his hands running down my forearms. This is nice. This is how people are really supposed to apologize. I'm certain of that.

This is the type of apology... you'd give your last breath for.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Somehow the first rays of light are shining right into my eyes when I wake up, piercing my forehead with something very similiar to an ache. But when I pull a hand over my eyes the pain quickly recedes and I'm able to crack open a single eye. I peer out at the early morning world, sight still not focused, but not really awake enough to care. Only thing is... I'm-without a doubt-not the first one awake, here. Never am, I suppose. Especially not when grouped in with a bunch of overzealous jounin.

What does surprise me, though, is that it's not colder at this part of the morning. There's still an inkling of dew on the leaves, a dampness to the soil and--yep, my ass too. I can't believe I slept out here the whole night. Then again, it was stupid of us not to bring a blanket or something... you know... just... in case. But who knew, right?

I let out a huge yawn and pull out the tie I stuffed into my pocket the night before, slowly pulling away my hands to throw my hair up into a quick ponytail. I don't really remember when my hair came down, but it did. Hah. Obviously. I do remember stuffing the damn thing in my pocket, though. The weirdest things that linger in my mind. Well, I guess not much happened anyway. Not that I wasn't a little surprised when he crashed in the middle of a kiss, though.

I let my head thump back against the wide tree trunk behind me, a thin and drawn sigh pushing out of my lips. I sure hope all those 'overzealous jounin' leave me alone for a while, what with being both heavily encumbered and in a very compensating position. Well, at least it looks like my lap makes a good pillow, seeing as a certain Inuzuka seems to be sleeping there quite soundly. Ahh... I don't want to wake him up, but I know I should...nah. I'll refrain for a little while. I don't wanna move, either. Too early. Besides, he needs the rest after yesterday.

Yes, that's my plan. I'll move when he does. I gently touch my fingertips to his hair, pulling away when he emits a slight groan of protest. What a pain in the ass. Fine. I'll leave you alone, bastard.

I shift my legs a little and it's instantly pins and needles. That sucks. I guess Kiba's head is heavier than it feels. He grunts when I shift again, digging his fingers into the fabric of my pantleg. Okay now that's a more than a little bit uncomfortable. "Kiba, you awake?" I hiss.

He motions his hand as if swatting away a slow motion fly. "Mmnn... shh." He says, if you can call that words. A fingertip touches his lip in a shushing manner, and though I find his unintentional patronizing irritating it's still unintentional, so I'll let it slide. "Sleep." He mumbles, switching his hand from his lips to my thigh. I shift so the cap of my skull is against the tree and sigh lazily through my nose. I'm not surprised to find my neck has a pinch in it. Fuckin' horrible place to fall asleep. I pick up a hand and briskly massage the abused muscle, finally giving up when the already troublesome pain starts to sear.

It doesn't take long for Kiba to start stirring on his own, whether it be from the sunlight creeping through the leaves of trees or something different all together, it still doesn't seem an agitated wakeup. He seems to forget I'm here for a moment, pushing up onto his hands, awkwardly, which in turn means pushing down on the flesh of my leg. My arm takes a mind of its own and pushes him off. It didn't hurt that much, but instincts are instincts, and Kiba of all people couldn't contest that. And seeing him sputter when my thumb ends up forcing his upper lip towards his nose is kind of amusing.

"Ah! Shikamaru! Your fuckin' hand tastes like dirt!"

"I'm sure yours does, too." I retort. But before he can retaliate with a fist full of mud I stand up, sharply, the wad of wet soil sailing far closer to my head than is comfortable.

"You want to start a war?" The now wide awake Kiba growls, jumping into a crouching attack stance. Oh, great now I've gotten him riled up. And even if I was completely awake, I doubt he'd let me escape.

He leaps toward me, not fast enough to be a real fighting strike, lunging hands first toward me like he's going in for a tackle. I try to divert him, but as fast as I move I'm still only able to catch his wrists. His body slams me into the tree and he pushes to break free of the little grasp I was able to muster. Like always he's so damn strong. I know he's just teasing me, letting me hold him off as long as he feels like.

His impatience gets the best of him rather quickly and he breaks the hold. A hand pushes up under my chin despite my meager excuse for a defense and shit-my back is crushing hard into the treebark. I almost pull free, but with one fell swoop he shifts his hold and tosses me to the ground. My back hits the earth flat, much to my surprise.

Kiba's hand is still pressed firmly against my chin, tilting it roughly but not violently, enough that the ensuing kiss is neither unexpected or unwelcome. Every time he's getting a little better, and if I'm just his lab rat I can't rightly complain. His body loosens against me, letting all his weight settle. His free hand snakes up my wrist and pushes it up over my head, where his fingers link with mine. Damn. What a nice way to start the morning.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

Being back on the road is just as-ahem-thrilling as is expected, even with our pace being much quicker than yesterday. There's still no sign of enemies, or anything interesting for that matter. Perfect, in other words. I, personally, couldn't ask for more. By now if the roads are still clear the only explaination could be that Anbu did a damn thorough cleanup. But still, when I suggested we stay in a defensive lineup, the motion was unanimous. Kiba's nose stays in front with Lee's muscle, the genins in the center where it will be easiest to keep an eye on them, with finally Sudoko's sensitive senses and my shadows taking the back.

After an hour none of the groups can readily see one another, but the red hawk circling above lets us know the others are not far. The flap of its wings is the only sound disturbing the gentle lull of the forest breeze, but I don't mind, seeing as Sudoko isn't one to smalltalk, whether or not this be the time for it... though once in a while she curses at the weather or such things. Truthfully, such a companion doesn't bother me. Hearing her voice confirms that the area is safe of muggers or bandits, and it covers the fact that she's kunoichi awfully well. The lack of smalltalk is probably a honed thing, subconsciously keeping up a sense of alertness. Such things are meerely distractions, and distractions allow for enemy ambush in many traveling situations. It's likely a normal trait of jounin and Anbu level ninja. She's smarter than others think, which is a good thing, at least in a teammate.

"Hey, Shikamaru." She says out of nowhere, catching me a little off guard.

But I don't let it phase me. "What?"

"You know that little genin girl, Naoki or whatever her name is, it's kinda cute, ya know, how's she's got the hots for your boyfriend."

My step falters only once. "What? I don't have a boyfriend."

"Really? So you and that cute brunette are just fuckbuddies? Can't say I blame ya." She sighs, deeply. "It's too bad. He's just my type, too."

"Why's that? I said there's nothing."

She snorts when she laughs, but she obviously isn't embarassed by it. "Lying ass. Ya know, I didn't think anything of it when he smelled like you since he's wearing your shirt, but now that it's both ways it's obvious you two were doing more than talking or holding hands."

"Whatever. You're just nosy like every other woman I know." I stuff my hands in my pockets nonchalantly.

"Nosy my ass. You're just real fuckin' immature. Not like anyone cares these days." Sudoko then picks up her pace, jumping into the trees, though she was specifically told not to go off on her own today. Troublesome. Women. Why the hell do we need 'em anyway? Maybe I shouldn't say that, but damn, on occasion they really piss me off. It's not like me and Kiba really did anything anyway. We just made out for a while-and maybe there was some heavy petting involved, but we didn't do that. I mean, sure, what we did was still irresponsible as hell, being we're both technically still on missions and all. No harm no foul, though...right?

I blow off her blatant disregard of orders and continue to set my own pace. Not like we'll get there any faster if only one of us is playing ninja. I mean really. Even Lee's settled down into(hyper)civilian mode.

Man... it's still a far way from home.

I kick up some dust, carelessly. Sure is weird to hold my chakra back like this. I don't usually find myself on these kind of undercover missions... but I suppose our trail is less evident this way. Except, of course, for Sudoko's little hissy fit. I hope she knows how she's sticking out like a sore thumb. Then again, she probably doesn't care. What a brat.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

When we make it to the small town outside of Wave we don't bother stopping. In fact, we sleep little, eat less than we probably should, and pick up a pace the genins are having trouble keeping up with. There's not reason for the rush really. Well, except maybe anxiety at the front end of the formation. Maybe we shouldn't have put Kiba and Lee in the front, after all.

The gates of Konoha creep up in what feels like record time, and for the first time in three days I feel an awkward sense of dread. From who or where it comes from I can't really discern, in fact, I don't think it's even that particular. It may be an omen of troublesome things to come or--oh, shit. That's right, I get it now. Lee. He said he was going to start setting me up with people. No wonder I felt scared. I dunno, I just can't imagine Lee being any good at the matchmaking game.

There goes my stomach. So much for my clean getaway. This is gonna suck big time. But first I need to get my mission report turned in, my hair cut and THEN off to my impending doom.

kxsxkxsxkxsxkxsxkxsxk

A/N:okay... couldn't really find a good place to end this chap, so it ended here.

NEXT TIME

Some say fate is as a river, swelling and eddying, but one direction, steady and straight. Others will call it as the winds, wild and free. After all, you can dam a river, but the winds will never be caught. So what does one do when others try to force a fate upon them? Simple. Call it as the wind.