Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ If Only You Knew ❯ Doubts and Assumed Heartbreak ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 15 Doubts and Assumed Heartbreak

Two weeks had gone by since our mission, two long weeks of having not seen Kakashi.

Honestly, does he care about me at all? Were questions that would go raging through my head whenever I had a spare moment, which thanks to the Hokage's insistence that we have two weeks of rest, had ensured.

Though realistically I had no basis of relationships to go off, weren't you supposed to see the other person more frequently than I was?

The mission had gone without a hitch, Kakashi had given his report to the Hokage and we'd been released, I had been somewhat bored by the entire episode, hoping something would come of it.

Sadly nothing turned out how I had wanted it to.

Go find if you want to see him that badly, Kyuubi's usual interference interrupted, I'm sure he wants to see you just as much as you do him.

I'm really sure that's true, I admitted my insecurities to the only parental figure I'd ever known. I mean, how do I know what's normal and what's not?

True, it agreed, but you never know until you try.

But he could be on a mission, I quipped, knowing I was just afraid that I'd find something I didn't want to.

Quit making excuses and go brat, Kyuubi insisted, in matters like these I am much wiser than you.

Pssh, whatever, damn fox, I quickly bit back, sitting up from the position on my bed, getting ready to do just what it had suggested.

Yeah that's what I thought, it snickered as it faded back into its usual resting place in the back of my mind taking a nap, which is mostly what it did these days.

Mentally griping out stupid nine-tailed fox youkai and their penchant for pissing me off I showered, got dressed, and then took off for Kakashi's place

Along the way I ensured that I moved stealthily, it wouldn't do for someone to hazard a guess as to why a genin would be heading to their sensei's house, especially on their down time.

When I'd arrived the doubt that had been growing within me with each day of not seeing the person who claimed to love me, grew to almost stifling proportions. It was then that thoughts such as, what if he was lying, or, what if he changed his mind swamped me, just as I had entered his second story window that lead to a room.

The room in question was obviously masculine from the décor, pale blue walls surrounded me, followed by blue bed coverings, and blue, well, everything.

What is with the blue? I wondered as I continued to peruse his room. There were two pictures, one of his current team, complete with Sakura, Sasuke and I glaring at each other, and Kakashi patting our heads attempting to calm the rivalry and tension that obviously existed.

Shrugging my shoulders and chalking it up to his eccentric ways I left his room and looked through the rest of his house. Compared to his room the rest of the house lacked any type of personality imprints. The walls of every single room were bare and white; not really signaling what type of person inhabited it.

It reminded me of where I dwelled, except all of the rooms in my house looked like this including my room.

After looking entirely through the building it was painfully obvious that no one was home.

So much for seeing him, I thought, somehow let down, I guess he is on a mission after all. I started to backtrack, intending on leaving the way in which I had come when and audible thump, filled my already sensitive ears.

Evidently I would get to see him now.

That apprehension filled me and suddenly I didn't want to see him. I didn't want my fears affirmed. Though if they had to be I would definitely prefer it be on my own turf.

I hid in a nearby closet, praying that he wouldn't note the open window, knowing inwardly that he would. You don't get to the rank of jounin for being a pushover.

Footsteps came down the flight of stairs and I heard a sniffling sound precede them.

Crap, he'd summoned his freaking dogs!

"Come on out, whoever you are," came that familiar voice, though it was laced with deadly intent, not the softer tone he usually took with me. "I know you're in that closet, you might as well come out."

Summoning courage, which failed, I opted for the bravado that was acted more than felt, and stepped out.

"Naruto?" genuine surprise lit his tone and I felt myself smiling despite my trepidation.

"Last time I checked that was me." I said sardonically, arching an eyebrow as though he were the one who had been caught red-handed in the other's house.

Wishing he'd take off the bloody mask that cloaked his facial features I could only guess about how happy he was to see me.

"What are you doing here?" he rubbed his head sheepishly.

"I just thought I'd drop in for a visit." I retorted, taking in his gear, he'd obviously not been on mission.

My eyes narrowed.

"Well this isn't really the best time—"he began.

"—I can see that." I interrupted, the grim feelings from before came rushing back and I felt like an idiot for believing his claims of love. Obviously there was no time for little old me in his big busy life. What had I been thinking anyway? I too, had more important things to do than worry about sustaining a relationship. "I'm leaving." Was all I said before heading towards the front door that I hadn't thought to use.

Luckily Kyuubi had taught me from an early age how to school my features to look blank no matter what, so no emotion filled my features as I left, even though inside it felt as though my heart were put through a meat grinder.

I never looked back.

I'm sorry brat, Kyuubi conveyed as I slowly made my way back to where we dwelled, not caring if people noticed me staring sightlessly into space. I could find the way back to the rat hole with eyes closed, Kami knew in the past I'd had eyes swollen shut and still managed to make it back.

I never thought something like this would happen. It growled menacingly as it felt my pain, let's go back brat, I'll show that masked moron what happens—

Leave it Kyuubi, I managed to convey the pain threatening to overwhelm me if I acknowledged it in any way. I really don't want to think about it today.

But brat—

I said leave it! I sharply retorted, then realizing I was taking it out on Kyuubi, please.

Fine, it backed off.

Can we finally leave this god forsaken village? I begged it, praying that for once I could finally just leave this place behind.

What about the masked moron? You don't want to try and resolve it?

I laughed, it sounded fake even to my ears, resolve what? Evidently anything we had was only in my mind. And frankly I'm tired, tired of dealing with humans and their selfishness, putting on a mask, just tired.

Then we'll leave, it agreed, we can find other youkai easier that way anyway.

Finally agreed we arrived at the ramshackle place where I'd spent my life so far, gathering up what meager belongings I possessed I packed them into a knapsack.

Taking one last look at the place that had housed me for all these years I felt no emotion that people normally feel when leaving somewhere they view as home, I opened the door…

…Where a masked jounin's hand froze midair as if he had been just about to knock.

The pain from only an hour ago filled me and I swallowed it back as best I could, still all I could manage was a "What?"

Confusion lit his eyes at my knapsack and his eyes met mine as a dawning realization replaced the daze.

"Where were you going?" he demanded in his "sensei" voice, my hair bristling at his tone and the fact that he'd used the past tense as if because he'd showed up all of my plans were automatically moot.

"None of your business." Was all I said as I made to brush past him with my mask of indifference and dignity intact.

His hand grabbed my arm, instantly warming it reminding me of earlier, more intimate encounters.

I felt myself tremble unwillingly at the contact and didn't turn around to face him, knowing my expressionless mask was no longer present.

"Let go." Was all I could gasp, not very convincingly.

"Tell me where you were going." He had turned his body to face my back and was now whispering in my ears.

Damn him! He knows how sensitive my ears are!

A mental reminder of how he'd just acted brought me out of my daze.

"Let. Me. Go." I replied firmer in my tone this time, stiffening my body so he would get the message.

He didn't.

Or deliberately ignored my body language just to piss me off further.

Instead of obeying my directive, he enveloped my back in his warmth, not unlike the day when he'd first claimed to love me.

What a crock of shit.

To my horror I found my body start to shake and tears flow out of my eyes.

"Tell me what's the matter, Naruto." He whispered into my ear, pleadingly, seeming genuinely concerned for what was going on.

"Nothing!" I sobbed miserably, the insecurities I'd been facing and the heartbreak he was putting me through filled me and I would have collapsed if he hadn't taken on my weight.

He must have figured that his would be better dealt with inside because next thing I know he slammed my body into the door, taking both of my arms captive over my head. Dimly I noted that we were in the kitchen.

"You will tell me what is going on Naruto." He commanded me. "Why were you at my house, why you left in such a way, and where you thing you're going." He fumbled for a moment, using one of his hands to hold both of mind captive, using the other to tilt my chin so that my face met his eyes.

I still looked away.

"You are the one who made no attempt to see me for the last two weeks!" I sobbed pathetically, looking pointedly at the floor.

To my horror and shock he started laughing.

I stared at him in outrage, anger filling me where hurt and despair had just occupied it.

"I'm sorry." He gasped out, finally getting serious again, anger filling his tone, "you were going to leave because of that?"

"And what if I was, am." I corrected. "There wouldn't be anything you could do to stop it."

A dangerous look suddenly filled his face, filling me with apprehension. Shit, maybe I should watch my words more carefully.

Yanking his mask down, he brought his face close to mine, close enough to kiss.

I almost forgot my slight fear at the sight, until he spoke.

"You will not leave me, ever." His hold on me tightened to the point of pain. "Not when I've finally got you."

He started to kiss my face, licking a path from my chin to the tear tracks originating at my eyes. This time my body started shaking from something entirely different than fear.

"Kakashi." I groaned, lifting my face for more contact. He obliged opting for my neck, which I tilted to the side to give him better access. "You. Are. Mine." Was all he said, over and over, punctuating each word with a caress.

Soon I was lost to sensation, words forgotten as that sinful mouth finally took mine in a kiss, sucking my tongue into his mouth. Need for more contact filled me to the point of pain.

"Bed." I gasped. "Now."

He wasted no time, gathering me in his arms he raced to the room where I slept throwing me onto the bed.

However, he didn't follow just stared at me with those eyes.

"First." He bit off. "We talk.