Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ In the Absence of Sound ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: I've been meaning to fix and edit this for a while (uh, since last month, actually), but I somehow got distracted... so here it is now, in all of its Sasuke-leaving denial glory. I haven't written anything Naruto in ages, so to say this took me by surprise is an understatement.

Many, many thanks to Moe and Merry for beta-ing.

9 December 2006  

In the Absence Of Sound

When Sasuke woke up, the first sound he heard was a faint, muffled snoring.

Sasuke knew—he just knew—that if he turned towards his left, he would see a blond head turned in a haphazard angle while the stocky body sprawled uncomfortably on a chair. So he didn't look. Didn't make a move at all, and concentrated on the second sound present in the room. Gentle ringing fluttered around like a long-forgotten song, and Sasuke stared avidly at the wind chimes, swaying like a dancer lost in music. Someone had hung it lopsidedly near the window. The feathers of the right side dangled just a bit lower than the left, and Sasuke could see a couple of broken ones on the floor.

Moron, he mouthed silently, his fists clenching. Idiot. Moron. Stupid, stubborn moron.

He clenched his fists until he ran out of energy; the pain which he had been unaware of immediately became sentient, and Sasuke gasped. More pain, much, much more, suddenly tore through his body, like a knife skinning away his flesh. He gasped again, louder.

"Wha?"

Sasuke heard a thump and then, "Sasuke?"

He didn't answer. He couldn't have, even if he had wanted to, even if he had wanted to yell, shout at Naruto for ruining his plans, for dragging him back here, kicking and screaming and defeated. As if it wasn't enough that Sasuke had been falling behind, had been slacking off while Naruto grew stronger and stronger. As if it wasn't enough that Sasuke had lost the gap that separated first from last. And by the gods, that was what infuriated him the most. That this moron, that this idiot, could have made it this far; could have bridged the gap so easily, so effortlessly, that Sasuke hadn't seen it until it was too late. Until Sasuke was falling further and further behind, becoming forgotten and lost and still without the vengeance he had wanted for so long.

What the hell had he been doing? He should have been stronger by now—stronger, faster, and more powerful—but he wasn't. He hadn't—and just what the hell had he been doing all this time? There should have been results, but he couldn't see them. Itachi was still stronger, so much stronger.

"Sasuke? Answer me, you damn bastard. I know you can hear me."

Sasuke felt Naruto grip his arms, watched calmly and silently as Naruto forcefully came into his view, blue eyes filled with fury and something else—something like concern, if Sasuke would let himself recognise it.

He mouthed, Shut up. Shut the hell up. Go away. I don't want you here.

And Naruto stopped, mouth opening and closing rapidly before finally baring his teeth in a snarl.

"Like hell I am, bastard. You think I'm going to leave now and let you run away again? You think I'm going to let you go that easily?" he yelled, arms trying to gesture wildly even as his grip on Sasuke's tightened.

The bandages, the bruises, and the faint wounds all over Naruto's skin became noticeable as Naruto gestured and swayed and shook wildly. Sasuke took a moment to blink at them—thought vehemently and bitterly, at least I did some damage—before he snarled back.

Yes, Sasuke mouthed furiously, and he watched in satisfaction as he shocked Naruto into silence. I expected you to let me go. What? Surprised? Shocked? I hate you, remember? I hate you. I wanted to leave, was glad of it. You know why? Because I got to hit two birds with one stone—I wouldn't have had to see your moronic face anymore and I would have been powerful. So. Fucking. Powerful. I would have killed Itachi, do you understand? I would have killed him!

Sasuke leaned back onto his bed, breath heaving as his heart pounded like he had been training for hours on end. The adrenaline shooting through his veins turned the painful throb of his wounds into a dull background buzz—enough to be noticed, but easily ignored—and his throat hurt, as if he had actually been shouting. But he knew well enough it wasn't. He could feel the healing scar throb with heat under the bandages, could almost feel the ghost of the kunai slicing through skin. He could still see vivid blue eyes, shell-shocked and scared as a litany of words—please don't die, please don't die, you hear me bastard, don't die—

"Liar," Naruto said, so quietly, Sasuke almost didn't hear it.

Narrowing his eyes, Sasuke glared.

"You're such a liar. Hate me? Does hating me mean you sacrifice your fucking life for me, bastard? Or do you have amnesia as well as a fucking case of random stupidity? Because I remember something different. I remember you saving my goddamn life. I remember you being—being—you and so damn smug about saving me and being stupid and—and—just shut the hell up about hating me!" he shouted.

Naruto panted, glaring back furiously before shouting again. "You always call me a moron, but who's being the moron here? You think running off—you think running off is going to get you your vengeance? You think Orochimaru isn't going to use you up and spit out your pale, dried-up carcass? You think you're going to be so fucking powerful by going to him—to that fucking snake—when the pervert-sensei and the old hag combined could beat his skinny, reptile ass?"

He breathed heavily, released his grip on Sasuke's arm and started to flail. "In case you didn't know—the answer is NO! No. Fucking. Way. I won't let you! You hear me, you bastard—you get to go over my dead, beat-up, dried corpse!"

Sasuke stared, transfixed. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, as if he hand't been laid up in bed, immobile except for small movements, but was instead fighting—physically fighting. His arms felt weighted down, the soles of his feet ached, and he could hear his heart pounding against his chest.

Then, like a dam bursting, the tension and fight left, leaving behind something like defeat and triumph. Like relief and disappointment.

You won't let me go, Sasuke mouthed the words, tasting them, testing them.

Naruto shook his head stubbornly. "Over my dead, beat-up corpse."

I could do it—I could make that happen. Sasuke's eyes grew cold. Don't underestimate me. You won this round, but that doesn't mean you'll win the next.

"Maybe, maybe not. I don't care. You're just going to have to keep on trying because I won't give in. I won't—so try your best." Naruto glared, still looking stubborn and defiant.

Then, he lowered his eyes and his shoulders slumped. "I didn't want to win this time—at least not like this. I really didn't, Sasuke." Naruto looked up, blue eyes large and sad, and reached out, fingers barely touching the bandage on Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke stared, but didn't turn away. Naruto's fingers barely grazed the bandages, but Sasuke could feel the touch like it was skin against skin. He shivered and fought off the urge to pull away.

Finally, when he couldn't bear to look at the guilt on Naruto's face, he mouthed, I believe you, and quickly turned to his right. He didn't want to see the look on Naruto's face—the way Naruto sometimes looked at him when Sasuke did something nice, something just for Naruto; as if nobody had ever put him first before, did something just because it mattered.

Naruto was silent, and Sasuke was glad. He was tired and aching, and he just wanted to close his eyes and pretend this had never happened. His mouth felt dry and useless, and his throat was throbbing like a second heart beat even though he hadn't made a sound—might never make a sound ever again—

and he closed his eyes, letting the exhaustion and pain cover him like a blanket. Sleep. He wanted—needed—it more now than ever. If he wasn't so tired, so lethargic, he would snarl at this weakness, but he was—he was cold and chilled and exhausted.

Breathing softly, Sasuke found himself relaxing. The chill had settled into his bones and his wounds didn't seem to hurt as much. The wind chimes swayed once more, hypnotic and sweet, and just before he drifted off into half-forgotten dreams, he felt Naruto taking hold of his lax hand and squeezing gently. He fell asleep feeling the warmth of Naruto's presence.  

The next time he woke up, it was dark. The window had been shut, leaving the wind chimes still and bereft. Silent, except for the soft snores coming from Naruto, still haphazardly sleeping in the chair; the only difference between now and the first time he woke up was the warm hand clasped tightly around his.

Sasuke looked at their hands, at Naruto's still face, and then gradually eased his hand away. Naruto's warmth had seeped into his skin by now, leaving his hand the only warm part of his body. Once he let go, though, he knew the cold would come back and he would be cold all over again, but it was better to get used to the cold now then to wait for it to come back. It would come back, he knew, no matter how stubborn Naruto was; no matter how strong. Everybody died and everybody left, and in the end, if Sasuke wasn't careful, they would take a part of him with them. His clan had taken the largest part—if he was honest and frank with himself, Itachi had taken even a larger part with his betrayal—and Sasuke didn't think he could have the last remaining pieces taken away by Naruto, the moron, the idiot...the only one who dug in deep and wouldn't leave, wouldn't let Sasuke leave, no matter the price.

He could hear the pleas, the sound of unshed tears again. He could feel the gash across his throat, the look of shock and fear in Naruto's blue, blue eyes, so wide, so scared, and Sasuke had remembered wondering if he had been the cause of that fear because if nothing else, Naruto was fearless in that reckless way fools and idiots were, but then the pain had come and he hadn't been able to think anymore—he could only feel. Everything had been muffled, dulled to a slow crawl of time as Sasuke had watched detachedly as Naruto had cried, tears mixing with the rain, looking broken and stricken and all the things Sasuke had thought was impossible.

Then a cool hand had cupped around his neck, and he had looked into the calm eyes of Tsunade. Sasuke could remember heat, the contrast of it against the cool rain dripping and sliding on his body, soaking him and turning him into ice. Then, he had blacked out, and when he had awoken, the first thing he heard was Naruto's muffled snoring.

Closing his eyes, he pushed away the fight to the back of his mind. His mouth tasted bitter and he was trembling slightly, partly from the cold and mostly because of Naruto. Defeat shouldn't taste so bittersweet—nor should it ever been tinged with this, this...acceptance. He fought against it like he had fought against his enemies, because he couldn't allow it. Couldn't allow Naruto to seep in and stay, couldn't let himself feel this because it could be so easily taken away. And when it happened, Sasuke would be left with nothing, the last piece of himself gone just like that.

He couldn't allow it.  

Tsunade came the third day, expressionless and gentle at the same time as she told Sasuke that there was a possibility that he might not regain use of his voice. Then, with that same tone, she told him that he was going to be watched for a little while.

Sasuke kept still and listened dispassionately. He kept his position until his neck and back ached, but it was only after when Tsunade left that he allowed himself the briefest show of emotion. His fists clenched tightly, his nails drawing blood as they dug in.

The pain helped to regain his equilibrium, acted as a barrier against and onslaught of emotion he didn't have time to analyse or assimililate, and after, when he could finally breathe without the phantom ache at the back of his throat and when his chest felt less tight, he leaned back into the pillows.

He stayed like that until Naruto came in, blustering and loud and oblivious to the atmosphere.    

After a week, Sasuke was able to leave. He put on the clothes Naruto had brought the day before and was ready to leave when Naruto came in, looking determined and stubborn. Sasuke stared at him a moment before he shook his head and ignored him. He had no doubt that by the time he was out the door, Naruto would be telling him everything and anything, loudly and noisily, and nobody would be able to get in a word.

Just as well that I hadn't before (and wasn't now) a fan of talking, Sasuke thought with a snort. Their non-friendship would have never survived otherwise.

His mouth tightened as his mind took a turn towards non-friendships and survival rates, and what could end something that seemed indestructible.

"Well," Naruto demanded, arms crossed as he stared at Sasuke. "Are we going?"

Sasuke glared, topic changed, subject closed, and walked out of the door, leaving Naruto muttering behind him. He didn't wait for Naruto, and he kept his pace fast, but Naruto caught up anyway and began looking uneasy. Glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke sighed and wondered when he had begun his descent into sentimentality and soft-heartedness. Slowing down his pace, he turned towards Naruto and lightly tugged at the sleeve of his jacket. He mouthed, slightly bitter, They're just Anbu. They'll leave once they're sure I won't turn traitor. Again.

Naruto stopped and stared at him before looking around wildly. "Wait—they're here? Now?"

Now Sasuke was the one who stared with an increasingly incensed look on his face. This moron had defeated him and he couldn't even sense he was being watched? For a moment, Sasuke wanted badly to yell and hit—just beat him until he was nothing but a mass of bruised and bleeding flesh—but then, something clicked. Sasuke narrowed his eyes as he glared at Naruto.

What the hell were you so uncomfortable about then? If it wasn't the Anbu... Sasuke mouthed, as his mind whirled. Not the Anbu, though Sasuke had been feeling his skin crawl and his neck itch with being watched. Sometimes, he even caught shadows just around the edges of his sight; shadows that shouldn't be there. If he hadn't known in hindsight he was being watched like some kind of prisoner, he would have turned on his Sharingan and hunted down the illogical shadows that gnawed at his awareness—but he had known and he had expected it, so he tried to ignore it even though his instincts were urging him to follow and eliminate the threat.

Not the Anbu—not being watched—so why was Naruto looking like he had been hiding something? Sasuke had expected more words than the ones he'd gotten. He'd expected a whole lot more.

"Nothing," Naruto muttered, not looking directly at Sasuke.

Nothing, Sasuke repeated, then glared. I'm not stupid, so why don't you just tell me right now. Before I'm any more tempted to punch you.

"Hey!" Naruto protested. "I didn't do anything. I mean, why am I getting punched for doing nothing?" He glared and crossed his arms. "Plus, I bet you couldn't punch me anyway," he said smugly.

Sasuke glared and mouthed. Try. Me.

For a moment, Sasuke watched with a sense of satisfaction as Naruto narrowed his eyes and started to enter into a fighting stance. But then, when he stopped and looked around uncomfortably, Sasuke became disappointed. Damn him, he thought, mouth tightening in anger. Who does he think he is? He won once and now he thinks I'm too fucking fragile to fight?

Without another word, Sasuke began walking again.

"Hey!"

He could hear Naruto's outrage, but he didn't care. Serves him right, he thought meanly, as Naruto caught up with some effort.

"You know, I'm not as tall as you!" Naruto protested once he was scrambling alongside.

Sasuke ignored him and just kept walking.

"Why are you mad at me anyway?" he huffed.

Sasuke turned and glared. You didn't fight me.

"Yeah, there's Anbu around." He looked at Sasuke like he was the oblivious idiot. "I mean, Tsunade's going to kick our asses if we started fighting." He made a face, like he didn't really want to believe anyone could kick their butts, but Tsunade had a habit of even strong-arming Jiraiya, so Sasuke could understand, in theory, why Naruto was wary about angering Tsunade.

Oh. Caught off guard, Sasuke wasn't sure how to respond; the anger leeched away and all he was left with was a sense of discomfort and embarrassment. He hastily shrugged off the embarrassment and walked a little slower to get rid of the discomfort. And maybe, to ease his guilt a little. He had overreacted over something that wasn't there—something that only he could see—and it spoke volumes that Sasuke was more affected by their fight than Naruto. Naruto treated it as if—as if it was nothing; that as soon as Sasuke got better, everything would be the same, and Sasuke would still be faster and smarter and better in some ways Naruto couldn't be. As if the status quo would stay the status quo—nevermind that Naruto had come as close to killing Sasuke as Itachi had. Nevermind that Sasuke had turned traitor, had fought against his own village to join the murderer of The Third.

Sasuke knew he had changed, knew the status quo would never be the same—the Anbu watching him warily on the roof of an apartment was indication enough—but maybe, for just a small moment, Sasuke would like to pretend it hadn't.

Just for a moment.  

When they had reached the Uchiha mansion, Naruto had said he wanted to stay and keep Sasuke company. When Sasuke had asked why, Naruto had shrugged and said he couldn't cook and that he was so hungry, would Sasuke please make him something?

Sasuke wasn't sure if Naruto had ever had the poor-me-please-feed-me puppy dog expression before, but he did now and it turned out that Sasuke wasn't immune. Not in the least. So after a lot of grumbling (silently from Sasuke, and loudly from Naruto's stomach), Sasuke had made lunch.

Then, he had made dinner.

And then, after he had finished washing their bowls, Sasuke had stared at Naruto assessingly and waited. Not surprisingly, it took only one minute and twenty-one seconds before Naruto broke.

"Okay, um, you see, I'm not leaving." For a second Naruto looked put-out and annoyed; then, with a look as if he was ripping off a bandage he said, "Because I'm living here. Now. With you."

Sasuke stared. What?

"I'm living here," Naruto repeated defiantly, crossing his arms. "And I'm not leaving, so there."

Sasuke stared at him for a few seconds longer and then he turned away. He gestured with dismissively with his hands, and then left for his rooms, mouth thinned into an angry line.

He didn't look back.  

Sasuke had been sleeping until a whisper of movement woke him up. Immediately, his eyes opened, and he waited, one arm reaching instantly for the kunai left under his pillow while he prepared to activate his sharingan. The second before he threw the kunai, the intruder tripped over something and cursed creatively and familiarly in a whispering hiss, and Sasuke closed his eyes again and sighed, leaving the kunai back under his pillow. He waited in annoyance as Naruto finally stopped swearing and shuffled towards his bed.

"I know you're awake, you know. You usually wake up easier than I do." Sasuke heard more awkward shuffling. "But that's not why I'm here. I—I—just came to say that Tsunade didn't tell me to do anything. She didn't tell me to watch over you or whatever—I—I just wanted to stay here. Because," Sasuke could hear the scowl in Naruto's voice, "because I don't want you to go, okay? I want you to stay. And stuff. And not get killed by that evil snake guy."

Sasuke could hear more awkward shifting before Naruto said, "Well, that's all. I just wanted to say it now because you seemed pissed off earlier, and it's not like I care—because I don't—it's just that it's so stupid to be pissed off at the wrong thing. I mean, you can be pissed off at something else, okay? But not about that, 'cause it's not really true. I just—don't really want you to go; and if I have to stay here and make sure you don't, then, well, I'd do it."

There was a moment of silence, of more awkward shuffling, and then Sasuke lifted the blankets off his bed. Stay, was what Sasuke wanted to say, but he couldn't, so he left it up to Naruto to figure it out. Naruto could always figure it out.

A few seconds later, Sasuke heard more shuffling and then the bed dipped under Naruto's weight. He felt each movement as Naruto made himself comfortable.

"You're a bastard, you know. How come I don't have a bed this comfortable, huh?" Naruto muttered as he pulled the blanket over himself and lay down.

Sasuke snorted.

"Yeah, yeah. You're still a bastard, you know. And I'm not uninvited—I just invited myself," Naruto said smugly, sighing a little as he nuzzled his pillow.

Sasuke closed his eyes and ignored Naruto's comment—it was just as well he couldn't speak at the moment or they would have fought each other for the last word until dawn, and then how well rested would they have been?

Just when he thought Naruto was drifting off, Naruto whispered, "Sasuke."

"Sasuke?"

He sighed and shifted and generally made enough noise so that any idiot would know he was awake.

"Sasuke? You don't want to leave anymore, right? I mean, not that I'll let you...but you don't want to, right?"

Opening his eyes, Sasuke became more alert and awake. He thought for a second—thought about Naruto and the village and revenge—and what he would have to sacrifice to get it, and then he slowly reached for Naruto's hand and gripped it tightly.

No, he wanted to say, but he couldn't. It didn't matter because Naruto figured it out, would always figure it out, and when Naruto held his hand just as tightly, lending his warmth in the middle of the night, Sasuke thought that maybe he could allow it this time. Just this once.