Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ It's a Yaoi Fanfic, Honest ❯ Crackfic Ahoy ( Chapter 1 )

It's a Yaoi Fanfic, Honest

Disclaimer: Kishimoto Owns Naruto, not me. BASTARD!

Narutu opened his eyes to greet the day like it was made for him. And with his wonderful voice he greeted the day.

“The Hell? Is my named misspelled? It's N A R U T O! Seriously what the hell, it's the fucking name of the series, dipshit.”

And so he stepped out onto the street and made his way about the town his eyes gleaming as the villagers greeted him gleefully.

“You fucking douche! You should go curl up and die in a hole somewhere. Eww I smell failure.”

And Narutu greeted them back as well.

“Like hell I'll greeted them back. The fuckers just insulted me you dipshit. And it's N A R U T O! With and O. You know the letter that comes after N in the alphabet. Man this writer sucks.”

Oh no! He just ran into his dreamy teammate Sasuke who he is secretly pining over but cannot say so because he is so shy.

“Like hell I'm `pining' over emo duckfucker over here. Damn it he even stabbed his fucking arm through my chest. Oh yeah I get off on that, oh you're holding my beating heart now let's do it! Pfft, fucking retard.”

“Hey Naruto, it's not a good idea to insult the author like that, she might do something to you.”

“Fuck you, you're just saying that because she's spelling your name right.”

Their playful and sexy banter was interrupted by their last teammate Sakura, who Sasuke and Narutu found more beautiful and sexy than anything in this whooooole universe.

“Eww, what is it what is it. It's disgusting. When did Sakura gain 600lbs of ugly? I mean she was ugly before, but DAMN!”

“Shhh! It's a SI, just deal with it and hopefully it'll be over soon.”

“Yoohoo boys. I'm soooo glad you are here. I just wanted to say how much I love you and find you attractive.”

Sasuke was so overthrown by Sakura's sexiness that he started having sex with her right then and there in front of everyone including Narutu.

“Ow OW! It's hurting me with its ugly!”

“Waa Waa, she's not really having sex with you. She's just dry humping you right now. You want me to tell her the proper way so you really have something to complain about?”

“You do that and I tell her all about futanari and how you always dreamt about having a hard *rooster* up your ass!”

“You wouldn't dare!”

“Try me bitch.”

Hinata came upon the scene and seeing Narutu she immediately approached him like the selfish ugly whore she is, not like innocent Sakura.

“Damn Hinata looks hot today. I would like to play hide the salami with her if you know what I mean. Heh I guess it's not all bad, have fun with your date duck butt. I'm about to get some nice action over here.”

But he refused her for his heart only belonged to Sasuke alone and she ran off crying like usual, what a big baby.

“FUCK NO! Bring her back damn it! I'd tap that ass sooo damn hard. BRING HER BACK! Come on! NOOO I would so ************* her with an ironing pan and ***** yoda **** cheese grater **** Bob Dole ***** yeah that is the best.”

“Aw what's the matter, problems in bed? Hahaha, loser.”

“Oh go fuck yourself with Shamu somewhere.”

“Pfft, you're just jealous you don't get any like me.”

“Oh yeah, because running off to Michael Jackson sure made you popular with the ladies. Great choice.”

“Hey, I'm more powerful than you could ever be.”

“Oh yeah, I'm so ashamed of myself. I only end up with Hinata, or Anko, or Ayame, or Temari, or Ino, or all of them at the same time. What do you get? Hrmm let's see about that. Oh look, me up your ass, Kakashi up your ass. Oh and one with Itachi being up your ass. Aww sweet brother love!”

“Fuck you!”

“Other way around there Sasuke, master of the sharigan, master of taking it up the ass. Naruto, holder of the 12 inch *rooster* bloodline and master at loving the ladies right. Oh yeah I feel so insignificant in comparison to you Mr. Limp dick.”

“I am sooo going to fucking rip your heart out.”

“Wait, shh man. You know what. I don't think she's written anything in a while.”

“Yeah, I think she got hungry and went to eat or something.”

 

|Disk Error, cannot play scene.|

 

“Oh that was amazing Sasuke.” And Sasuke was satisfied as well for the sex with Sakura was amazing as always.

“Ewww, it came back. Guess her lust overcame her hunger finally. Well I guess at least it's not humping me anymore.” But he had not satisfied his need for Naruto, so he attacked him sexually.

“NOOO! I don't want be violated like this. GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY!”

“I'm trying to but I can't. Oh god it's sooo horrible. So damn horrible.”

And Sasuke leaned in for the kiss …*shing* the sword lobbed off the yaoi fangirl's head as Bob, crusader of anti-yaoi, rode in to save the day.

“Yo!”

“What the hell just happened? Who the fuck are you?”

“The author of this oneshot sent me in as a Deus Ex Machina to rid the world of this horror. AHAHAHA! And he was also bored and wanted to finish the fanfic.”

“So wait, you broke the fourth wall, of the fourth wall? So that's the fourth wall squared, the sixteenth wall?”

“I suppose that's right. AHAHAHAHA!”

“So, does this mean we're free?”

“Yep, go enjoy yourselves!”

And that they did. Naruto had sex, lots of sex. He bent over Anko, Ino and Temari. He did the horizontal mambo with Ayame and Kurenai. He screwed Hinata. He banged Hanabi. He gangbanged both Hinata and Hanabi with his shadow clones in front of a cheering crowd.

And what happened to Sasuke? In an attempt to prove he wasn't gay he started to date a young girl named Bridgett. And the rest, as they say, is history.

 

Bonus Scene:

 

Sakura sat, tied up in a tool shed as she wondered aloud if anyone was going to save her.

“Is anyone going to save me?

See? Unfortunately for her, no one cared about her useless ass and she rotted to death in the shed.