Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Konoha High ❯ Spirals and Low Self-Esteem ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Hanabi is walking to school when Deidara comes up behind her.
Deidara: Hey, Hanabi!
Hanabi(turning to see him; happy):Deidara! How are you?
They hug briefly.
Hanabi: Carry my books?
Deidara: Um, sure thing.(takes Hanabi's bookbag)I haven't seen you in a while.
Hanabi: You know how busy I am. The Fashion Org. is taking up so much time, and I've got Star pestering me left and right to join the pep squad, and then I've got this big paper on economics in the Soviet Union I've been doing for Kakashi's class. It's been a total nightmare.
Deidara: You think you could spare some time to go out this weekend? I got tickets to the Sour Apple concert.
Hanabi: Well...
Hinata(out of view): Hey, Hanabi! Wait up!
Hanabi and Deidara look back to see Hinata coming after them. Hinata looks unhappy.
Deidara: Is that your sister, Hanabi?
Hanabi: Cousin, Deidara. She's my cousin!

Konoha High School, Mr. Gai's self-esteem class.
Mr. Gai, the self esteem class teacher, is jumpy, energetic, and sounds like elvis imitating a preacher. There is something creepy about him on top of this. His bowl cut hair and green clothes make him look like he just escape from a Star Trek convention. Hinata (wearing reading glasses, though what Mr. Gai has on the board doesn't seem worthwhile reading anyway), Gaara, Sakura, Art, and a few other students are present. Sakura, noticing Hinata for the first time, glances over at her, as if hungry and savoring the sight of a home-cooked meal. The very tip of her tongue can be seen as she unconsciously licks all the way around her lips. Realizing what she is doing, she nervously starts to chuckle, then makes a phoney smile. Hinata doesn't seem unnerved at all and gives a hint of a genuine smile back.
Mr. Gai: Welcome, my little friends. You are about to embark on a hero's journey, one that begins here in this classroom and will send you on an expedition into the very depths of your soul. On the way you will encounter all kinds of dangers, face your deepest fears, but in the end you will emerge reborn, fresh as a new lotus flower and free of all the cares and worries that have plagued humankind since they escaped from Pandora's box.
(sees Hinata raising her hand)
Yes?
Hinata: I think I'm in the wrong room. Where's the self-esteem class?
Mr. Gai: This is the self-esteem class. I know it's not clear right now, but hold on a little while, leave your thoughts open, and soon enlightenment will rush into you, filling you with light. Now, as we start, we all need to be honest about who we are. Let us begin. As we go around the room, let us say who we are, and what it is about us that has brought us here. I'll start. My name is Maito Gai, and I'm here to be your guide to a new level of awareness.
(looks at Art)
Art(with a tone that makes him sound like he should lay off the coffee): Hi, I'm Art Wilcox, and I'm here because I'm always scared they'll come back for me, man!
Mr. Gai: Who is it you think will come back for you?
Art: The grays, man! The aliens from Beta Zebulon 34, the ones who take off your clothes and give you anal probes and force you to have sex with them!
Mr. Gai: I see...
(to Gaara)
You, who are you and why are you here?
Gaara reads Hakim Bey's Temporary Autonomous Zone and ignores Mr. Gai.
Mr. Gai: You back there with the book. Are you listening?
Gaara: Huh? Oh. I'm Gaara, and I was told I had to come to this waste of time because Mr. Orochimaru is stupid and my parents believed his stupid story that I tried to nail his clothes to the table while he was still in them.
Mr. Gai(giving Gaara two thumbs up): YES! I'm glad you feel comfortable expressing your feelings so openly, Gaara, but we will have to get past this hostility before we can make some progress.
Gaara goes back to reading and ignores Mr. Gai.
Mr. Gai (in a reproacheful tone): Gaara?
Gaara: What? Oh. Yeah, right, whatever.
Mr. Gai(to Sakura): And you, who are you and why are you here?
Sasuka: I'm Sakura Uzumaki, and I'm here because(begins crying)I... I'm sorry, I...
Mr. Gai: It's OK, my little friend, my dear, little friend.
Sakura(stops crying): OK!
Mr. Gai(to Hinata): You, who are you, and why are you here?
Hinata: I'm Hinata Hyuuga, and I'm the victim of a system which uncritically follows the results of a pencil-and-paper test.
Sakura gives Hinata an "oh, please!" look.
Mr. Gai: Hinata, I think you need to overcome your denial before you can achieve a higher level of self-esteem.
Hinata: I am not in denial.
Mr. Gai: You just denied your denial.
Hinata: How do you know there's anything to deny that I'm denying? Perhaps the only denial is the denial that there is anything else to deny?
Mr. Gai (looks very puzzled for several moments):OK...moving on then...
Sakura, looking at Hinata, smiles.


In The Streets of Konoha.
Hinata and Sakura are walking home.
Hinata: ... So let me get this straight: For the next six weeks we sit around listening to pop psychology slogans intended to make us feel good about ourselves without any real justification for feeling good about ourselves?
Sakura: Correct!
Hinata: Plus we do busywork intended to pump up our egos, such as writing essays titled "Why I'm proud to be me"?
Sakura: Yup. And I always write that I'm proud to be me because I enjoy making people suffer, which I tend to do a lot.
Hinata: And then they make us take a test that can be passed by giving answers that would satisfy even the shallowest of New Age "thinkers"?
Sakura: You got it! Claiming to be a reincarnation of Stalin will give Mr. Gai an ulcer.
Hinata: And you've memorized the entire course, yet you have deliberately flunked it over and over again?
Sakura: Correct.
Hinata after a few seconds: Why?
Sakura: I like having low self-esteem. It makes it easy to get stuff out of my parents.
Hinata raises an eyebrow.

The Uzumaki House: Sakura's Room.
Hinata is sitting on the bed watching virtual TV on a large, flat computer screen, two renowned idiots made a tribute for Hinata on their show on the net. Playing her favorite songs all day long. While Sakura is gluing a bunch of junk together into a sculpture with a glue gun.
Sakura: Aw! That's so sweet of them!
Hinata(repositioning herself so she sits up over Sakura): They're stupid, but not totally insensitive. Of course, they've destroyed my image as a total outcast.
Sakura: You don't want to be associated with popular people with their own show on the Net?
Hinata (rubbing Sakura's shoulder): Does "friend of idiots" sound any better than "Hanabi's cousin or whatever"?
Sakura: You have a point.
(glues a bottle-cap onto the sculpture)
Hinata: What is that thing?
(reaches towards Sasuke's sculpture)
Sakura: Don't touch it! It took me hours to build.
Sound of guitar. Sculpture shakes but remains intact.
Sakura(yelling towards the floor): Hah! You'll have to do better than that, Naruto, if you want to break this one! It's made with one hundred percent pure, grade-A epoxy!
Hinata: Who's Naruto?
Sakura: My older brother, the guitarist. Tall, thin, blonde hair, blue eyes, earrings, and tattoos.
Hinata: I think I've seen him in the hallway.
Sakura: Probably just got home from detention. Come on, Hinata, let's go irritate him. It's a law of nature that siblings have to be at each other's throats.(beat)I'll let you throw my statue at him.
Hinata(nervously): I'd rather not get involved with your family's internal struggles.
Sakura: Don't worry; this baby ought to be strong enough to stand up to hitting his head a few kilometers per hour. It'll probably come out of the encounter in a more interesting shape.
Hinata: Yeah, but with all the epoxy on it, aren't you afraid it'll stick to him?
Sakura: If that happens we'll just call it conceptual art, and when they haul us into court, we'll plead "creative license".
Hinata: If you don't mind, I'd like to check with my aunt, the lawyer, before we try tossing that thing at your brother.
Sakura: You really like my brother; don't you?
Hinata going red: What makes you think that?
Sakura: Come on, Hinata. I've seen you looking at my brother in the hall. Why don't you go talk to him?
Hinata: What's it to you?
Sakura: You're not...(beat)...you know?
Hinata: No, I don't. I'm not what?
Sasuke sighs: Hold still.
Sakura French kisses Hinata, surprising the Hell out of her.
Hinata(jumping up): Sakura, are you crazy! I don't like you that way!
(wipes lips on sleeve) Argh! Are all you uzumaki's this crazy?
Sakura: So you're not...
Hinata: Definitely not.
Sakura: Just wanted to be sure. So now you don't have an excuse...
Hinata: Yeah, yeah. That tongue thing was good, though...

The Uzumaki House, Basement
Sakura: ... And so Naruto, Gaara, Sasuke, and me formed this band called Spiral.
Hinata: What kind of name is that?
Sakura: Sasuke's idea. He's the hot one with black hair. Stay away from him; he's mine. As for the name, ask Naruto he's the stupid blonde...

Naruto and Sasuke are playing electric guitars.

Naruto:
Sasuke:
Naruto:
Sasuke:
Naruto:
Sasuke:
Naruto:
Sasuke:
Naruto:
Naruto, catching sight of Hinata, begins messing up chords, and quickly the playing stops. Hinata and Sakura giggle. Hinata and Naruto catch sight of each others' eyes. Sixpence None the Richer "Kiss Me" plays in the background for a moment.
Sakura: Naruto? Naruto!
Naruto: Huh?
Sakura: Naruto, this gorgeous young lady is Hinata Hyuuga. Hinata, meet Naruto "the Narcoleptic" Uzumaki.
(goes over towards Sasuke as Naruto approaches Hinata)
Naruto: Pleased to meet you.(takes Hinata's hand, kisses it) What brings you to Casa Uzumaki?
Sakura: I met Hinata in self-esteem class today.
Naruto: You have low self-esteem, or are you just trying to bilk your parents?
Hinata: Neither. I have low esteem for the school psychologist.
Naruto: I'll have to agree with you there. Did you enjoy the song? It's called "Frost Queen".
Hinata: Better than half the trash on the radio today.
(thinking) Which isn't saying much.
Sasuke(to Naruto): We doing a show this weekend?
Naruto: Beats me. Ask our manager.
He and Sasuke turn towards Sakura.
Sakura: I'm working on it. You hear of any possible gigs this weekend, Hinata?
Hinata is still in a Naruto-induced trance.
Sakura: Hinata?
Hinata: Uh, I don't think I've heard of any yet.
(resumes infatuatedly staring at Naruto)
Sakura: Excuse us a minute, guys.(drags Hinata away a bit)Are you OK?
Hinata: Uh, yeah. You know all the answers on the self-esteem class exit test, right?
Sakura: I've got them on my computer.
Hinata: Why don't we just take the test tomorrow and get out of the class once and for all?
Sasuke: How would I spend my afternoons?
Hinata: Uh, UFO conventions?
Sakura: Or with Naruto and Sasuke?
Hinata(uneasily): What gives you that idea?
Sakura: As a charter member of the Konoha Society of Outcasts, it is my duty to aid you in your noble quest.
Hinata(under her breath): Oh, great.
Sakura: Let's go copy my notes onto your computer. And call Gaara. He'll want to be in on this, too...