Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Mating Season ❯ Perverted Hermit's Pervert Plan Revealed ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

-----Author’s note: I’m sorry, this is not the end. I intended for it to be the end, but it would be way too much, and it can stand on its own as an introductory chapter to the real deal finale. I know, I suck for going back on what I said. I don’t like going back on what I said, but it’s better this way. I wanted to stop at nine for ninetailed fox, but oh well.At the very least, you’ll leave this chapter with knowledge of Jiraiya’s plan.....

I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----


Asuma, summoning all of his strength in the process, managed to pull Kurenai back far enough that Naruto didn’t need to find out what she wanted to do with the item she had requested of Lee. He couldn’t fathom what on earth she could have possibly wanted it for, especially if she had been under the influence of the aura.

“Looks like it’s about ten yards, now.....” The jounin stated, wiping the blood from his lip on his sleeve. His hand dipped down into his pocket to fish out a cigarette.

Lee nodded in approval at his method of ‘testing’ the aura’s range as it was put to use for the second time, this time showing without a doubt that the aura really was in recession. The four of them were outside of Naruto’s apartment, on the loamy dirt road which sat before the teen’s home. It was a nice day, not a hint of a cloud or molestation to be found or worried about.

“Wh.....What did I say? I didn’t do anything bad.....did I?” Kurenai asked sheepishly, hardly able to believe the fact that she had almost accosted Naruto. Naruto, of all people!

Asuma motioned to his busted lip while wiping the blood away, again, as it continued to ooze from the gash he was granted courtesy of her elbow. He was currently wondering why the hell they had used Kurenai for the test, and not some old lady, or something. Sure, she had volunteered upon overhearing Lee’s request, but still.....it was odd that Lee had gone to him as opposed to Gai, too. He had asked why, but the only response he had gotten had been something about a C-BOY, and he had no idea what that was, and he had little mind to find out.

Kurenai waved off Asuma’s negligible wound, turning her eyes to Naruto, who flashed her a big grin and shook his head, “Nope, not a thing! All I need to do now is wait around at home until it’s finally done with!” He laughed as he spun around, hurrying up the set of stairs to his door, Lee shortly after him.

Asuma and Kurenai turned to leave as well, both relieved at the knowledge that the entire mating aura ordeal was about to blow over without any serious complications. Naruto had proven himself to be an upstanding individual, having resisted something that most would be incapable of. They both had a newfound respect for him.

As the two slowly left Naruto’s residence behind them, Kurenai became increasingly more aware of the fact that Asuma was sending her glances out of the corner of his eye. After nearly a minute of her wondering why he was looking at her like that, she finally asked, “What’s the problem?”
Asuma stiffened up, redirecting his eyes directly ahead of him, his cigarette almost toppling out of his mouth, “.....Nothing.”

Naruto started to unlock his door, looking over his shoulder to ask Lee, “Hey, what did Kurenai want with a hamster, anyway?”

Lee shrugged, “I was going to ask you.”

“She went on a weekend trip with Anko, though, so I’ll bet it was something weird.....”

He popped his door open, his jaw practically hitting the floor when he saw who was in his room. He swung his arm up to point at the familiar face, practically screaming, “THE PERVERTED HERMIT!”

Jiraiya jumped across the room, punching Naruto on top of the head before speaking, “I’ve told you a million times to stop calling me that!”

Not bothering to get up from the floor, Naruto asked, “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were too busy with Akatsuki to train with me!”

“It just so happens that their movements have come to a total stall, and I had some free time on my hands. I thought to myself ‘wouldn’t it be nice to see my energetic pupil again?’, so here I am.”

“You mean ‘youthful’,” Lee stated, entering the small apartment, “Naruto is brimming with the energy of youth, so I can understand why you would incorrectly label him as ‘energetic’, when you should be referring to him as ‘youthful’.”

“Wow,” Jiraiya mumbled returning to his spot on the tiny couch Naruto owned, “Thank you for clearing that one up, kid. I was really concerned with which adjective best describes Naruto, that’s great. Now I know.”

Lee, unable to detect sarcasm, struck the nice guy pose before dropping to the floor and starting his daily regiment of several thousand pushups.

“What’s that smell.....” The blonde muttered, pushing himself to a sitting position, still in his own doorway.

“Well, Kakashi told me about your.....situation.....so I thought I’d swing by with some lunch to-”

“No way!” Naruto shouted, jumping up and holding his hands out in front of him as if to shield himself from the perverted intentions of his sensei, “I am NOT going to do anything you say for food! I’ve come WAY too far to fail now that I’m almost safe!”

“You do realize that by succeeding in the mission, you’re failing at life, though, right?” The perverted hermit asked seriously, his eyes narrowed into thin lines that made him look almost comical.

“Yeah, already covered that with Kakashi-sensei.”

“That hypocritical bastard!”

“What?”

Jiraiay snapped his fingers, looking away, “It’s nothing, it’s nothing.....” Of course, it was most definitely not nothing. He was, at the moment, recalling a certain Hyuuga about to take the plunge at a certain hot springs before a certain rock thrown by a certain jounin knocked her out.....hearing about this verbal swing of opinions on Kakashi’s part had him certainly pissed.

“Whatever. I can’t go out and get food, so it’s still a good thing you brought some!” Naruto exclaimed, digging through the brown paper bag sitting on his counter.

“I got you the ramen with the egg in it. I thought that’s what you liked, so it’s in there. I’ll get you seconds if you-”

“If you’re not about to say ‘if you finish all of it’, then don’t say anything,” The blonde stated seriously, pausing his rummaging to send a grim glare to Jiraiya, who sighed.

The perverted hermit stood up, stretching his arms up over his head as he successfully pulled off a yawn, “Well, I guess I can’t convince you to play things the way I would, so I guess there’s no helping it. I’ll have to find my research material elsewhere. It’s too bad.....I would have been able to train you a lot sooner if I could find the data I needed.....I guess there’s no helping it.....” He slowly made his way for the door, waiting for Naruto to stop him.

“Yep, too bad,” Was the only response he got.

“Damn, I thought you’d cave at that point. Is there really no persuading you? Wait, why should I HAVE to persuade you? You’re not.....you know, not-straight, right?”

“Of course I’m not not-straight!” Naruto exclaimed, plopping down on his couch with the plastic bowl containing the ramen before him, “I just have morals!”

“Well, there’s morals, and then there’s stupidity, Naruto. I’ll let you think about that,” Jiraiya opened the door, but paused to ask over his shoulder, “What’s going on with your bathroom? It looks like it’s been sandblasted, and there’s a big hole in the wall.....”

“1,004, 1,005, 1,006.....You don’t want to know,” Lee answered in-between pushups.

“One last thing.....You still don’t do that whole ‘finish the whole meal in a couple of bites’ thing, do you?” Jiraiya was slowly closing the door, now.
“You still don’t do that whole ‘finish the whole night in a couple of seconds’ thing, do you?” Naruto retorted, waiting to see what Jiraiya would say. All he got was a gaping mouth and wide eyes as the door quietly clicked shut, “I’ll take that as a yes,” Naruto concluded.

“1,072, 1,073, 1,074.....What did that mean, Naruto?” Lee asked, not slowing his youthful pushup speed.

“I don’t know,” The blonde admitted, slapping his hands together in anticipation for the glorious smelling food, “Kakashi-sensei told me say that when the perverted hermit got on my nerves. Whatever it meant, it shut him up, at least. Honestly, if he isn’t going to help train me or something.....geez, wasting my time.”

-

Jiraiya snickered sinisterly, running at full speed down the streets of Konoha to get away from his pupil’s apartment and to safety. Moving at superhuman speeds, the perverted hermit had gotten halfway across the village and into his base of operations in under four seconds. He descended down the concealed hatch and into the dark lair of his even darker plans.

He had surmised that Naruto probably still inhaled his food, and judging from the smart-ass comment he had gotten prior to his hasty escape, he had been right. That was good, very good. It meant that Naruto wouldn’t catch the subtle flavor of the secret ingredient to the ramen in time, having already ingested all of it, in all of its chakra enhancing goodness.

“Genma!” Jiraiya called out down the inky black corridor as he traversed through it, “I trust you’ve got everything operational?”

The grunt he heard from the end of the darkness signaled a yes. As the perverted hermit stepped into the soft glow of countless television screens, he exhaled deeply as a great feeling of accomplishment washed over him.

“Tell me again why I’m helping you.....” Genma muttered weakly, the needle in his mouth bouncing up and down with the motions of his tongue.

“Because Shizune would be terribly embarrassed if these were to leak,” Jiraiya flashed Genma the photos he had snapped of the two jounins expressing their feelings for one another in a rather adult-like manner. The expressing was taking place beside a hot spring, in a public venue, unfortunately for Genma. This is why Jiraiya had been able to utilize his voyeuristic talents so masterfully.....meaning he had pictures with several different angles.

“Yeah, now I remember. So they’re all up and running, all two thousand of them,” The jounin swung his arm in a wide semicircle to indicate the massive underground room they were in, which was completely filled with screens depicting all of Konoha, “I can hardly believe that we set all of this up.....and in one night.....God, I’m tired.....”

“Suck it up, because it’s all about to pay off, big time!” Jiraiya stuffed the pictures back into his bag, careful to clasp it closed to keep Genma’s hands off.

“There’s no noise, though, so you’ll just have to deal without it.”

“Oh, I took care of that,” Jiraiya slapped on a headset, “I planted a bug in Naruto’s hair, cleverly disguising it as a punch! He’s none the wiser, and I get to hear everything!”

“Really thought this one through haven’t you, you sick twisted son of a bitch?” Genma muttered through clenched teeth.

“Of course! I’ve coerced the Akamichis into giving me their most potent chakra enhancing pill of all.....the white honey pill.....”

“Honey’s not white.....” The jounin stated quietly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“The red pepper pill grants chakra increase of a hundred fold! The downside is that it typically ends in death for the person who consumes it. The white honey pill, however, grants a thousand times the user’s chakra, and no one has ever survived it!” Jiraiya laughed maniacally as he stated this.

“And you put that thing in Naruto’s food? He’s gonna die!”

“But there’s a loophole! I saw when the Ninetailed Fox and the Shukaku were in the sky together. It’s no coincidence that the aura is fading away after that event! The Ninetailed Fox releases incredible amounts of chakra when it mates.....and since the users of the chakra enhancing pills typically die because their bodies just can’t handle all of the chakra.....”

“You’re saying.....that he’ll die if he doesn’t have sex? To release the chakra.....he has to let the Ninetailed Fox make doodles?” The needle in Genma’s mouth slipped out and fell to the ground.

“Exactly. But with a thousand times Naruto’s chakra? He’ll have to make doodles with almost every girl in the village to get rid of enough chakra before it tears his body apart. I heard that the aura’s range was ten yards, but with this boost it should go up to ten-thousand yards, which means there won’t be any escape!” The perverted hermit resumed his laughing as the ground beneath them began to tremble.

Genma turned wide eyes to the screen showing Naruto’s apartment, stunned to find the entire complex being consumed in blue waves of chakra. The image of the Ninetailed fox in the background, glowing a fearsome crimson, told him all he needed to know. Naruto had eaten the ramen, and Jiraiya’s plan was now underway.


-----Author’s other note: Brilliant, yes? There will be no escape, and Naruto now must die, find another way to release chakra at a rate faster than what Jiraiya hopes, or simply give in to what’s been building this entire story. Everyone’s going to play a part in the finale, even the guys! They must save the innocence of the women they love/respect/are related to! All out insanity shall ensue, and I hope you’ll be there to see it. Once again, I apologize for.....I think ‘false advertising’ sort of fits.....and sorry for the long update time, I didn’t want an 8,000+ word chapter. I’ll do better with this next one. Thanks for reading.....-----