Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Moving Out ❯ Reinventing ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

It was late in the morning, around 9:00, when Kakashi Hatake wakes up. He stands up and stretches as he walks to the kitchen.

“I should really get myself a woman to do this. Making breakfast for myself? Tss. What a drag.” He says to himself as he bends down to his small refrigerator. He gets a couple of eggs and three strips of bacon to fry.

“KAKASHI!!!” Someone yells behind him.

“What the fuck!?” He shouts back as he quickly turns around to toss one egg at the offender.

It was Might Guy outside the window, still smiling even though an eggshell was blocking the view of his left eye.

“Tsunade just wanted me to make sure you won’t be late for our meeting at noon. So she sent me here to see if you’re awake.”

“Pardon me, but you seem to mistake me as someone who would give a damn.” Kakashi turns back around and walks to the oven as he reaches for a frying pan.

“Suck it, Kakashi. If I wanted to hear someone bitch, I would’ve gotten a dog.” Then he snickers to himself. So proud of the comeback he just came up with.

“Ha! You call that a comeback? If you want a good comeback, wipe it off your mom’s face.” He then proceeds to crack open the other egg. But none answered. Trying to grab a glimpse of his friend at the window, the turns his head. But it seemed like Guy already left while Kakashi was talking.

“What a jerk, leaving in the middle of a conversation.” He then continues to cook his breakfast and starts to prepare his coffee. Kakashi was not known for his punctuality; NEVER known for his punctuality. So he loses track of time; so what? He was still Konoha’s Copy Ninja. He got this habit from his frequent visits to an old memorial where a name of his old friend was written.

After his breakfast, he watched TV, read a few chapters from Jiraiya’s Icha-Icha novel and then went to sleep.

At Tsunade’s office; 12:15 pm

“Where the hell are the rest of my jonin?!” Tsunade screams at the top of her lungs.

“Kakashi’s probably still doing something hip. Hehe. After all, he is so cool. Even he being late is a manifestation of his trendiness.” Guy says trying to cover up for his friend.

Anko sneaks into the room while Guy is talking, trying not to be noticed.

“Thank you for joining us, Anko. I hope you have a good reason for delaying this meeting. Hmm?” Tsunade says, trying to stay as calm as possible.

“Haha. Do I have a story for you. It’s quite entertaining actually.” Anko nervously replies.

“Amuse me, please.” Tsunade answers.

“You do remember my cat right? Well this morning I was taking a dump while reading the newspaper, and all of a sudden my cat showed up. Then he stopped in front of me and looked at the comics behind my newspaper. And then it hit me. My cat can read! I was so-”

“What does this have to do with you being late?!” Tsunade shouts.

“Oh wait, I was supposed to say why I was lat-”

“Kakashi!! Where have you been!?!” Tsunade cuts Anko off with a sharp screech at Kakashi, who has just arrived and was making his way to a vacant seat.

“Okay,” Kakashi answers, “You see last night I was at the movies, right? And then this du-”

“This is what I have for jonin?!” Tsunade explodes, “If assholes could fly, the whole of Konoha would be an airport!!! Sit your ass down so we can start with the meeting!”

Tsunade sighs and prepares herself.

“We have received disturbing news. Moryo has been reincarnated.”

She pauses as the people in the room gasp.

“Yes, he has returned; but only temporarily. We don’t know who did it, but intelligence says that Moryo already has spies everywhere. He’s bound to kill all shinobi he comes across, so all shinobi activity was been aborted. The priestess of the Demon Country, Shion, ran away a year ago so we don’t have any means of defeating him. The estimated time of his carnation to last is unknown.”

“So what do we do, lady Tsunade?” Kakashi asks.

“We can’t do anything but hide.” Tsunade responded, “I have plotted a few towns where we could take
cover. All of us are expected to be in hiding by tomorrow. We will front as average villagers and city
dwellers. For how long? Until Moryo’s time expires. Today, I will group you into families. So that you
jonin can look after the genin and chunin. Another thing, you are encouraged not to use any justu.
It may attract attention from Moryo’s spies. Cover is everything. Act like as a real family as you can.
Now, let’s begin the groupings.”

Somewhere in the other side of Konoha; 1:30 pm

“And then after my cousin’s checkup, we found out that he was HIV+.” Kiba says to Naruto, ending his
story. Naruto and Kiba were walking around leisurely that afternoon. No missions, no responsibilities, no
problems.

“Oh no! How positive are you?” Naruto replies, showing concern for Kiba’s cousin.

“What? No, not me. It’s him who’s positive.” Kiba misunderstanding.

“Yeah, but how positive are you?”

“I’m not positive at all! It’s him who is-” Kiba shouts and waves his arms.

“So you’re saying that the results weren’t final?” Naruto’s eyes sparkle with enthusiasm.

“No. The results were in. He was positive.”

“Great! That sounds like a good thing!” Naruto grins and winks at Kiba.

“No! It’s not! You want to be a negative!” Kiba’s nostrils flare with frustration.

“Negative? Really? Are you positive?” Naruto asks in confusion.

“AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!! To hell with you!” Kiba bursts, “Can we at least go to the bath room? I need
to take a piss.”

“Alright then, sheesh. I was just asking, you didn’t need to shout.” Naruto responds as they walk over to
the cubicles.

They unzip their pants and start pissing. Out of nowhere, Kiba says,

“Whoa! Dude! Your pee is sparkling!” Kiba’s eyes widen as he is awed by the sight of sparkling pee.

“Yeah, I know. It’s… I have sugar in my urine.” Naruto tells his friend.

“That sounds pretty sweet.” Kiba says as he chuckles.

A few seconds go by and Naruto wasn’t responding.

“Haha. Get it? Sugar? Sweet?” Kiba utters and laughs again.

“I have diabetes.” Naruto finally reveals.

Kiba, shocked, stared blankly at his friend’s pee.

“Now can you stop staring at my junk now?” Naruto pleaded.

“Oh! Right, sorry, bro. I was just surprised that you had diabetes.” Kiba explains as he zips his pants.

“Bro, if I knew that you had diabetes, you still wouldn’t catch me staring at your dong.”

“Dude, you’ve got to unde-”

“Just saying, bro. Just saying.” Naruto says as they make their way back to the streets.

“I don’t think I had enough sleep last night.” Kiba states as he begins to yawn.

Then Anko suddenly arrives and briefs the two teens of the meeting earlier, while Kiba yawns. This of
course cuts off Kiba’s yawn. Kiba froze in his yawning position, stunned by the arrival of the jonin. His
eyes widen

“Hey guys! Earlier we had a meeting about our safety. Turns out that Moryo has reincarnated and we
need to be in hiding. So lady Tsunade told us to temporarily move out of Konoha and live cover lives for
the greater good. And then-”

The jonin stops as she sees Kiba yawning.

“Oh, I’m sorry ASSHOLE! I didn’t mean to BORE you so badly!” Anko snaps at Kiba as he plainly stares
back while still in suspended in his stretching stance.

“Wait, what? I wasn’t paying attention.” Kiba says as he breaks off from his dazed position.

“You little mutt!” Anko then tackles Kiba to the ground, trying to strangle him. “I’m going to kill you!”

Kiba breaks free and runs around as Anko chases him.

“I’m too young to die!” Kiba shouts out.

“Come on, don’t say that! Here, I’ll help you!” Anko shouts as she tackles him to the ground once again.

“Old people are so good at dying, I’m not sure if I would get it right! How exactly do you do that?” Kiba
asks.

“What the fuck?! Did you just call me old?!” Anko screams at his ears.

At this point, Naruto was just sitting down on the ground; watching two of his friends brawling in front
of him when Tsunade and Jiraiya arrive.

“I’m guessing you’ve already heard about Moryo.” Tsunade assumes.

“Yes I have. What do we do now?” Naruto replies.

“Tsunade already ordered that all shinobi would for into small groups for mutual protection. All of us
comply, we’ll be having cover families and live casual lives until Moryo is gone.” Jiraiya informs the
young Jinchuriki, “And guess who’s going to be our SON!!! YOU!”

“I have ordered the jonin to fetch their ‘children’ this afternoon so that tonight, we all can be in our
way.” Tsunade added.

“So this means that Anko’s child is Kiba, right?” Naruto makes sure.

“Yes, pretty much. Yeah.” Jiraiya states.

“So who’s going to be his dad?” Naruto asks in curiosity.

“He’s the last to pick up equipment, that tardy bastard.” Tsunade says, rubbing her forehead.

Tsunade’s office; 3:00 pm

“Next please!” Shizune exclaims. “Next!”

Kakashi was the last one to receive equipment and was the only jonin left. He fell asleep on his chair,
waiting for his turn.

“NEXT!!!” Shizune screams.

Kakashi snaps out of his slumber. Stands up and hastily makes his way to Shizune.

“Here I am. Hehe. Sorry about that.” Kakashi apologizes.

“It’s fine. Here’s your toothbrush. Just press the base and we’ll know you’re in trouble. What it does is
send a distress signal to other shinobi.”

“Oh. Cool, anything else?”

“Here’s your cellphone…”

“What does that do?!” Kakashi asks, his eyes glimmering with excitement.

“It makes calls. And here’s your watch.”

“And what does that do?” Kakashi asks, still keeping a positive note.

“It tells the time. And here’s your pencil.”

“And what does that do?” Kakashi is clearly bummed out with the fact that there isn’t any more cool
gadgets for his arsenal.

“How did you ever become a jonin?” Shizune asks in both frustration and curiosity.

“Don’t we get self-defense mechanisms or anything?”

“You’re a fucking shinobi, why the hell would you need any of those. Plus, we’re going into hiding, not
out to kill a village of ogres.”

“Well that’s a drag. Can Tsunade at least issue me one last mission?”

“Actually, we do have a mission for you.” Shizune gets some stuff from the back room.

“Nice.”

“Okay, Kakashi. Here’s the deal. We have a contact that you should meet down at the local convenience store. Here’s an agency issue old broomstick. And an agency issue microwave oven that doesn’t work right. When you meet him, say the code phrase and give him these things.”

“And the code phrase is?”

“The code phrase is, ‘I have some of the kage’s old shit to drop off.’ Do that and be on your way to your new home. Aryt, dipstick?”

“Uhhmm. Okay? I guess.” Kakashi replies.

Just outside Konoha; 4:30 pm

“Hey guys! What do you think?” Guy asks the others.

“What do we think of what?” Jiraiya responds.

“My… Brand new CAR!!” Guy jumps out of the way so his colleagues can see.

“For what?” Naruto asks.

“Since we’re not encouraged to use any chakra until Moryo dissipates, my ‘son’ and I are going to our destination in my car. Hehe.” Guy explains.

“You know what you’re right. This is a great opportunity to reinvent ourselves.” Kakashi states.

“Kakashi! You oaf! You’re handwriting on these boxes are terrible!” Anko points out at the moving boxes she told Kakashi to label.

“Didn’t you hear? I’m reinventing myself!” He proudly exclaims.

“What does that have to do with the damn handwriting?” Anko questions.

“Girl, I, for one, am going to be left-handed from now on.”

“Well as your, ‘wife’, I strongly recommend you to be right-handed again if you want to find a job to support Kiba and I.”

While all this was happening, Sai and the rest of the ANBU have been recalled from a mission to go in hiding. They were advised to head straight to a commercial city to meet up and take an airplane to their respective domestic destinations so they can meet their respective ‘families’.

Somewhere in a random airport; 4:45 pm

“Moryo. Hmmm, so he’s alive again. Now I have to take an airplane to avoid suspicion? What the hell is happening?” Sai says to himself while walking towards the airports east wing, where his assigned flight was going to land. Everything was peaceful and quiet. He took his time drawing on a sketch pad while waiting for his flight. He hasn’t opened the letter that states who his temporary parents would be; he wanted to know right after he arrives.

He gets in the plane and rests his eyes; he had a long and tiresome day and he felt he deserved a good rest. As the plane was lifting off, he fell asleep looking at the sunset right beside his window. After a thirty minute flight he arrived at his destination and proceeded to open the letter.

“So my mother would be Kurenai-sensei and my dad is… WHAT!? Ebisu? Why him? Why?” Sai complained to himself.

Sai walked out the plane and to the baggage claiming area. He kept on waiting for his bag to show up in the conveyer belt, but nothing.

“I hope Ebisu forgot that I owe him a lot of money.” He thought to himself, “Now where the hell is my bag?”

“Hey! Good to see you SON!!” Ebisu expresses to Sai as he walks beside him, “How strange that you packed an EMPTY suitcase. Now hurry up, we’re going to hit the pawn shop on the way home.”