Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ MST4000! presents: Smile and cry, Laugh and Die ❯ Chapter 1- The Horror begins ( Chapter 1 )

Mystery Science Theater 4000!!!

 

Presents

 

Smile and Cry, Smirk and die.

 

By

Ian Gainsbrough

and

Brad Richardhart

 

*The Cast*

 

Toko, The Evil One: "I prefer the term Opportunistically Wicked."

Ian, The Writer: “Where's the evil plan?! Come on, you have to have an evil plan! How can you call yourself a crazed cultist, when you don't have an evil plan?!”

Brian Sunate, The Lazy Genius Rich Kid: So… Wait a sec… You joined a celibate order… to get chicks?!

Kal, The Idiot Paladin: Umm... What does celibate mean again?

 

 

Authors Note: Yeah I really wanted to make this story! I just couldnt help myself!

Disclaimer: i dont own Naruto.

 

Ian: Well that takes a load off my mind.

Toko: [Growls] I however do own a gun. Stay away from Naruto in the future and maybe you don't have to meet it… Maybe.

 

Sakura haruno was a happy person when Team 7 was complete.

 

Ian: She could finally have some decent competition while playing Halo.

Brian: Because she had to make up for her lack of skills somewhere.

Toko: At least she would when ever her Xbox got back from Microsoft. Red Ring of Death no Jutsu!

Kal: [Shudders] A hard drive crash, the real reason Sasuke left.

 

But then their teamate, Sasuke Uchiha. The soul survivor of the Uchiha masacure, fled the village of Konoha for power.

Brian: Just his luck, the batteries in his MP3 player died and it was a five-day hike to the next village for Triple-A's.

Now Naruto Uzumaki and Sakura Haruno have moved on.

Ian: They moved into new apartments and didn't let Sasuke know the new addresses just to screw with him.

Kal:[Sasuke walks in on new tenants] Hey guys, I'm back… and I got the Batteri-OH MY GOD!

Toko:[Guy] Hey, I left a sock on the doorknob!

Kal:[Sasuke] SOMEBODY GOUGE OUT MY EYES!!

And they are actually doing quite well. Although the mention of the traitor Uchiha has and will always be a touchy subject. They have gone foward. Naruto is currently dating Hinata Hyuga.

 

Toko: Who in her desperation finally mastered a Genjutsu to make the idiot think she was Sakura…

Even though Neji always gives Naruto those blood-lust looks when the blondes around the young female hyuga.

Brian: Because we know if anyone's gonna hit on Hinata, it's gonna be her own cousin and not some blonde floozy she met in the Red-Light District.

Kal: Now that's how you protect the bloodline!

It shocked everyone when Sakura introduced her boyfriend Josh,who was a ninja from mist.

Toko: Shortly after, his taser was confiscated.

The boy was just plain beautiful. His hair competed against that of Hyuga Nejis. (Ahh Neji has great hair)

Toko: Yeah… I think it's a Fan-girl we're dealing with.

Ian: You sure? How many fan girls do you know hit on Sakura?

Toko: …How many fanboys do you know gush over Neji's hair?

Ian: …Shit.

Kal: It can't be all that bad.

Brian: OK…What we have here is a Mist Ninja named Josh dating Sakura.

Kal: …Shit.

He had brown hair and these goregous green eyes. Prehasps thats what she saw in him.

Toko: I tried to Spell check this damn story.

Kal: What happened?

Toko: The computer cried.
Ian: Spell check: overlooked by both authors and DnD players.

Josh stood tall at 6'3

Brian: He loved his stilts too much.

and was a Jonnin ninja. Sakura was the the only female in Konoha to make it to Jonnin early.

Brian: Never mind the female Jounins before her.

Ian: How the hell she get to Jounin early?

Toko: That's an aspect of this story I don't think we should explore.

Kal: Giggity…

Even Naruto and Neji were Chunnin.. Josh was 17 while Sakura was still 16. It never mattered to her because she was happy around him.

Everything was perfect.

Ian: Right up until he no-scoped her from across Sandtrap. That's when the relationship got rocky.

Sakura trained under Tsunade the 5th Hokage. She had learned to surpass Tsunade in everything.

Kal: Except in her bra-size.

Ian and Brian: [Groan] Kal!

Toko: [Growl] One more out of you and I'll tell them.

Kal: You know?

Toko. [Nods menacingly]

Kal: [Whimpers.]

Sakura was known all over Konoha for knowing and creating jutsus.

Ian: Not that they did anything effective, they were just to screw with people.

She even knew Jutsu's Orochimaru couldnt comprehend.

Toko:[vein pulses]

Kal: [Eyes Toko warily] Easy Toko, I know what your thinking but you can't kill the author.

Toko:[Sighs] First law I pass when I take over the world… Mary-sue writers are shot on sight…

She learned about her Kekki Genki (sp?) the 'inner sakura' was her sealed bloodline.

Toko: Bloodline my ass… its called raging PMS!

Kal: If only Ino had known she could have beaten Sakura with a tampon and some midol.

Tsunade had sealed it because if someone like Akatsuki found out

Brian: They'd wondered why Sakura would be so important to their mission.

she would be a sitting duck.

Sakura created deadly jutsus everyday but rarely used them.

Brian: Because she forgot how she made from the day before.

She was also in more bingo books then Sasuke and Kakashi.

Ian: She was approached practically five times a day and challenged to the damn game.

She study the Sharigan daily for at least 5 minutes a day and figured out how to summon the Sharigan into her eyes.

Toko: ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! [Stomps off out of the room]
Brian: Umm… Where is he going?

Kal: To kill the part of the Internet we found this Fanfic in.

Ian: Can he do that?

Fanfic: Error 404, Fanfiction.net can not be found.

Kal, Brian and Ian: O.O

Only Tsunade knows of this though.

Little did she know.

Brian: Sasuke left with the last of the peanut butter.

Her life would come crashing down by the Uchiha. And she would be the one willing to kill him.

Ian: Oooh, hey, time to go, guys.

Brian: About damn time.

* * *

 

The other guy's walk into Toko's lab to find him working on a giant machine.

Kal:[Looking it over] Okay Toko, what the Hell did you make this time?

Toko: [Looks up from his frantic typing at a console] This is my Quality Enforcement Super Filter.

Ian: And what exactly does it do?

Toko: It scans all known literature on the web and off for acceptable quality. Any author whose writings are found to be lacking receive an electric shock, roughly equal to the amount of failing.

Brian: [Raises an eyebrow in question] Do you really think it will work?

Toko: We're about to find out. [Finishes typing and hits Enter]

 

Nothing happens.

 

Kal:… Is it working?

Brian: Doesn't look like it. Sorry Toko, another dud.

Toko: [Turns on the tv to find a news flash]

Reporter: We interrupt this program for this importance news update. Stephanie Meyer, Author of the much acclaimed Twilight book series has reportedly just died at a book signing from a massive, unexplained power surge.

Toko: [Jumping up and thrusting his hands into the air] SUCCESS!!!

Ian: [In disbelief] Holy shit! Why didn't we have this when L. Ron Hubbard was around? We could have gotten rid of Battlefield Earth and The Church of Scientology in one move!

Toko: [McCoy] Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!

Ian: Meh, good point.

Brian: Wow Toko, what kind of processor do you have on this thing? AMD? Intel?

Toko:[Rolls his eyes] Pfft, Please. [Opens a floor panel to expose wires leading from the computer down to 35 Asian kids counting numbers.]

Brian: Holy Crap, that's more computing power than all of the servers for WarHammer Online combined!