Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto Hangover ❯ The Night Before ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The Night before

It was late in the evening in Konoha. The streets were quiet and absent of the usual activity that filled the streets. In a little two story house near the Hokage Monument that was an entirely different story.

“Thanks for the meal!” Naruto Uzumaki yelled at the top of his lungs and proceeded to devour the noodles in front of him with a smile adorning his face. He couldn’t help but feel happy at the moment. The war with Madara was over, he had somehow managed to get Sasuke back, and one of his best friends was getting married in 2 days. Yup life was good for the blonde hair Jinchuriki, at this point in his he couldn’t imagine things going wrong for him and his friends who were currently at Shikamaru’s getting him his very much deserved but reluctantly accepted bachelor party before he would be eternally bound to( in his opinion) some crazy Suna woman.

“Come on man! Just one stripper. I could call her up right now and she could be here in 30 minutes flat.” came Kiba’s loud voice pleading to a half listening Shikamaru who had just flicked some ear wax from his pinky finger.

“No strippers Kiba. Temari would kill me if she found out.” Shikamaru drawled.

“That’s my point, she doesn’t have to know.”

“Kiba this is Shikamaru’s party and place of residence, him and him alone has the choice whether to allow exotic dancers inside or not.” Shino said while pushing up his glasses.

Kiba scowled “Yeah. Well no one asked you.”

A groan came from the corner of the room “ Ugh. Why am I even here?” the Uchiha scion asked, speaking his first words of the night.

“Because Naruto invited you.” Kiba answered. Naruto raised his hand and nodded vigorously, still smiling.

Sasuke shot a glare at the blonde and then sighed. “ Correction. Why am I still here?”

“Because we haven’t cut the cake! The party isn’t over till we cut the cake!” Chouji yelled from the kitchen, his voice slightly muffled by the closed door.

“Anyways Sasuke, the party just started so you going aren’t anywhere yet. Plus you have no right to complain you didn’t even bring any gifts.” Kiba said pointing to a table filled with 5 horribly wrapped gifts.

“I’m broke.” he deadpanned.

“So is Naruto! But he at least brought something”

The blonde nodded again.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned to Naruto “ Naruto what’s inside your present?”

“Bowl of ramen.”

Sasuke’s eyes lit up a little in triumph “And we all know that Naruto has hundreds of coupons for free ramen, and ill bet you anything that the ‘Bowl of ramen’ is just a bowl.

Naruto smiled and scratched the back of his head sheepishly “I got hungry on the way.” Kiba’s eye twitched and Sasuke gave a snort of amusement.

Ding Dong!

“…What was that noise?”

“A doorbell.” Shikamaru answered while giving them odd looks.

“A what?” Naruto asked confused, the Nara boy rolled his eyes and stood up to answer the door. He was met with the sight of Kurenai holding a small bundle in her arms.

Shikamaru gulped at the sight.

“Hello Shikamaru I hope your ready to be a Husband.” Kurenai greeted chuckling a little.

Shikamaru gulped at the thought.

“Anyway.” she continued “ I brought little Asuma over so you could spend a little time with him before the wedding.” the red eyed woman practically shoved the miniature human into his arms and began to dump several bags of baby filled stuff on him as quickly as possible while giving him advice.

“This is his Diapers, and those are his toys, make sure you don’t give him anything with nuts on it because he’s allergic, you need put him to bed before 7:00 o clock or he gets cranky. When your changing him make sure to tap on the powder lightly because his skin is very sensitive also, make sure you don’t use to much because the bottle is almost empty and I didn’t have time to go to the store to buy a new one so make good use of the amount you have. He will probably have to be changed about six times while he’s here. Give him regular baths and regular meals which are both 3 and 3 on a normal day. The blue bag has the baby food, the red has his clean up stuff including his diapers, and the green are his toys. I don’t want you indulging him with those things, if he starts crying just ignore him he’ll eventually quiet down. In case something goes wrong call the contact information on the piece of paper that’s on the bottom of the blue bag. And please for the love of god don’t let Kiba touch my baby.” She finally stopped for a brief second to take a breath.

“You get all that?”

“…huh?”

“Okay good. Bye!” the door was slammed in his face leaving the pineapple haired shinobi staring at the floral pattern on it completely dumbfounded. Naruto stepped up behind him wiping his mouth of leftover ramen broth with his sleeve. “Is it me? Or was she in real hurry to leave.”

“Hey what’s that smell!?” Kiba said loudly while strolling into the room, he took two sniffs of the air. “It smells like responsibility, and…” he took two sniffs of the air again “Crushed dreams.” Kiba’s eyes finally saw the small bundle Shikamaru was carrying and dog Nin immediately made as much distant between them as possible.

“What is that!” he yelled pointing a finger at little Asuma who was looking around the room with wide and curious eyes.

“it’s a baby” said Shikamaru robotically as if he needed to mentally distance himself from the situation.

“yeah…well…keep it away from me!”

Suddenly the kitchen door bursts open revealing a shirtless Chouji with a beer in each hand shaking his hips wildly “Lets get this party started!” the chubby ninja stopped when he spotted who Shikamaru was holding. He squealed and crossed his arm in front of his chest to hide his shame.

“And that’s my cue to leave!’ Sasuke said standing up and rushing for the door only to be stopped by Naruto who caught him in headlock.

“Where you going Teme!” Naruto said loudly into his ear while the Uchiha struggled to get free “Didn’t you hear Chouji the first time. The party isn’t over till we cut the cake and we haven’t done the cutting of the cake yet. Don’t make me remind you who had to beat your ass senseless to bring you back to the village.”

A vein popped on Sasuke’s forehead “Don’t push me idiot.”

“Sasuke. Naruto. This is Shikamaru’s bachelor party and we are hear to celebrate his eventual marriage to Temari no Sabaku, as such, we should put our differences aside and enjoy this party.” Shino pushed up his glasses when he finished and took a glance at everyone in the room to realize that they weren’t even listening. Shikamaru was gradually looking more and more pale at the constant responsibility being thrown at him at every corner of his life, Chouji was futilely trying to stop a still arguing Naruto and Sasuke from killing each other while covering himself with drapes from the window, and finally Kiba from his corner was having a staring contest with Asuma Jr.

Needless to say Asuma Jr. was winning.

“Food’s ready!”

All the male occupants stopped their activities at the announcement. Naruto and Sasuke came to an unspoken truce temporarily united in the mindset of satisfying their stomachs. The four Shinobi walked into the kitchen to see Neji preparing the table, the scene would have seemed normal to anyone if it wasn’t for the fact that he was wearing oven mitts with a pink apron, and his was hair tied in a ponytail.

Naruto whistled at the amount of food on the table “ Wow Neji! You went all out.”

“What’s for dessert Mrs. Hyuga?” Kiba laughed and barely dodged a throwing knife.

“Neji! no ninja violence in front of Asuma Jr.” Shikamaru scolded. The pale boy shot Kiba a glare but did nothing.

The shinobi took a seat around the table admiring the assortments of dishes. Dinner went by relatively fast, Naruto and the rest ate while reminiscing about their time in the war, of course the stories were more lighthearted than anything, no one really wanted to relive a war that had been so brutal and taken so many lives. After dinner Shikamaru carefully fed Asuma Jr. with a spoon, unfortunately for the baby his Godfather had been a nervous wreck while doing so and ended up with a face full of baby food. After that catastrophe Neji had volunteered to take care of the baby and unlike the Nara he wasn’t completely incompetent in the matter, in no less than an hour Asuma Jr. had been fed( properly), bathed, and finally put to sleep. The Shinobi had taken the rest of the time to do what men at every bachelor party did which consisted of sitting around in a circle with a beer and screw with the guy about to get married.

“Can you believe it guys!? Shikamaru a married man!” Kiba took sip of his beer.

“Yeah I thought it would be too ‘troublesome’ for someone like him.” Sasuke took a sip of his beer and grimaced at the taste, of course this didn’t go unnoticed by the other people in the room, especially one Kiba inuzuka.

“Cant handle you liquor Uchiha!” Kiba laughed and slapped him on the back ignoring the scowling sharing an user.

“Not everyone can pick up Alcohol as naturally as you.”

“yeah I’m pretty sure you started drinking as soon as we left The Academy” Naruto said laughing.

“Is that how you guys see me? Just some perverted drunkard?”

Naruto shook his head “Nah that would be more of jiraiya’s territory, your more like a dumbass who does everything on instinct.”

The boys shared a round of laughter at Kiba’s expense…well except for one. Shikamaru Nara had frozen at the word marriage. His thoughts racing at the implications of what this bachelor party actually meant. It was the end of his life, no more carefree and lazy nature, no more shrug of the shoulders response to everything in life, and now he would actually have to do stuff like take care of her. Damn it why couldn’t everything have stayed casual. The Nara boy let out a sigh that didn’t go unnoticed by the others.

“What’s wrong Shikamaru?” Neji asked.

“Isn’t it obvious!? He’s getting married!” Kiba answered

Neji turned to stare at the Inuzuka “That is no reason for him to be so depressed. Marriage is a joyous occasion that binds two people for life.”

“Actually that sounds horribly depressing.” Sasuke deadpanned.

Neji ignored the Uchiha and turned to his bug wielding friend “Shino you agree with me don’t you?”

Shino who had not been listening to the conversation due to the fact that it began to gradually decline into immature rambling decided to start playing cards with Chouji.

“ Hmmm?” he said distractedly.

“I said that do you think marriage is a joyous occasion?” Neji repeated.

The bug boy took his attention away from the game and looked at the long hair boy.

“ Marriage…is a chance. It can either turn out mediocre or turn horribly wrong. In most cases one of the spouses or both end up cheating on the other…In conclusion…only a fucking retard would get married.

…

Kiba, Naruto, Chouji, and Sasuke laughed while Shikamaru let out an anguished wail.

“What am I going to do? Why did I ever agree to this? She’s probably going to cheat on me with some tanned and tall jerk from Kumo or something.” Shikamaru held his head in panic as he rambled. He silently promised to himself he would beat the crap out of any Kumo ninja he saw within a 100 mile radius of Suna…or Konoha…you know what! He would beat the crap out of any Kumo ninja he ever saw!

“Ugh he’s already crying and the wedding hasn’t even started yet.” Kiba said not bothering to hide his contempt with the entire situation. “Why did you propose to her if you didn’t want to get married?” he asked.

Shikamaru raised his head and they all winced at his tear stained and blotchy face. “…I didn’t.”

“… What do you mean you didn’t?” Naruto questioned, finally taking interest in the conversation.

“I mean…” He took a deep breath “ I wasn’t the one who proposed…”

“Wait, if you didn’t propose then who-OOHHH!…oh…oh damn.”

Silence.

“ Wow…”

“ Dude…”

“Are you serious?”

“That’s kind of pathetic…”

“How humiliating.”

Shikamaru flipped them off and grabbed a beer roughly from Naruto’s hands chugging it down at a rapid pace. “It doesn’t matter who proposed to who! The fact is that one of us said yes, and now we’re both screwed!” He screamed. The Nara threw away the now empty bottle and grabbed for another one. This time it was Sasuke who gave him the alcoholic beverage with an amused smirk.

“I mean how do we even know this is going to work! We’re complete opposites, she’s the hardworking type and I’m the lazy good-for-nothing type, it wont work I tell you. It wont work!” the Nara was yelling at the top of his lungs now, a sight which none of the shinobi in the room were use to. It was actually sort of frightening.

“Sh-Shikamaru maybe you should calm down.” Chouji said to his long time friend but it fell on deaf ears as the groom to be continued on his tirade.

“You know what it is!? Its all a plot! Marriage is a plot by women to take our stuff , we might as well skip the middle man and just find a woman that will hate our guts in 5 years and give her your house, kids, And half your SHIT!” Shikamaru threw the bottle onto the floor where it smashed into pieces, when Naruto saw the this he immediately put up the hand signs for his Kage Bunshin ready to subdue his friend who was now looking to be a danger to himself. The blond boy was stopped by Sasuke who whispered In his ear

“Stop, don’t do anything this is getting good, this might actually make coming here worth it.” the Uchiha was smiling the whole time as he spoke .

“I need something stronger.” Shikamaru looked at all the beers in the room and shook his head “Those wont
do.” the shinobi watched as the Nara rushed into the kitchen with the door closing behind him. They all waited as sounds of rummaging and breaking glass came from the other side. He walked back into the room with an over sized bottle, it would’ve looked like any normal everyday bottle if it wasn’t for the fact it was pink…disturbingly pink, like bright neon pink!

“What is that?” Naruto questioned, his eyes wide.

“its pink…” Sasuke stated with a blank face.

“What is that Shikamaru?” Shino inquired to the pineapple haired boy.

“its pink…”Sasuke stated again, but everyone seemed to be ignoring him.

“I don’t really know it is but took a sniff of it once and I can already tell it’s the strongest alcohol you will ever come across.”

“I’m in!” Kiba exclaimed, he ran over to stand beside Shikamaru

“Is it safe, I mean I don’t want to drink something that no one knows about. It could be poisonous” Chouji said nervously.


“ What’s life without a little risk” Shikamaru replied.

That seemed to be enough for the chubby ninja. Chouji walked to stand beside Shikamaru.

“Anyone else!” Shikamaru stared challengingly into all of their eyes…and Shino’s glasses.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders and also took a spot besides Shikamaru, he was always willing to try something for new.

Bzzz…

Bzzz…

They all turned to the strange sounds coming from Shino.

“My bugs they seem…excited for some reason.” the Aburame let out a deep sigh “Even though I don’t approve of this, it looks like I will have to participate.”

Shino also took spot near Shikamaru.

Four down two to go Shikamaru smirked at the remaining two. Sasuke and Neji the two geniuses were looking at them with blank faces, he could tell that they weren’t going to do this but he already knew what was coming. Kiba and Naruto would never let them not participate in this. Shikamaru didn’t have to wait long before it happened.

“Neji-Chan you afraid!?” Kiba taunted

“I guess all the real men are all here eh Neji-Chan!?” Naruto added, he was smirking mischievously.

“Why don’t you go cook us something nice to go along with this drink” Kiba suggested.

“Yeah go in the kitchen where you belong.” ( I’m sorry please don’t be offended >-<)

“Hey!” Neji yelled suddenly “ That’s offensive to wom-”

“And why do you care Neji-Chan its not like your one yourself!” Naruto interrupted loudly, the Hyuga growled in frustration.

“Fine! Ill do it just shut up!” Neji stomped over to Shikamaru, making sure to bump shoulders with both Kiba and Naruto who just laughed in response.

And then there was one…

“Sasuke are you in…or are you out?” Shikamaru asked.

“ its pink…”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at his predictable reply “ you know what I’m not waiting for you.” Shikamaru popped the cork on the bottle and poured each of them a glass, Sasuke taking his reluctantly. Now that the liquid was out of its container, it seemed even brighter than before, it was emanating a strange glow that immediately grabbed their attention.

Kiba swayed the glass a little while looking at the beverage “ Whoa this is not normal.”

Naruto swallowed hard and raised his glass in the air “to Marriage and Friendship!”

“To marriage and friendship!” Shikamaru, Kiba, Neji, Shino, Chouji, and Sasuke bumped their glass with his and drank.

In the years to come Naruto would look back on this day and mark it as the day his life changed. it was the day that marked the beginning of his greatest adventure.