Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto: The Musical ❯ Part 4 (Out of 5) ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Author1-and-Author2
Hehe.... lots of yaoi in this one.

Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Hentai / Romance / Suspense / Shounen | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 12.03.2006 | Pages: 30 | Words: 26.7K | Visits: 275 | Status: Completed

“What's up? *cough* *cough*,” Hayate nodded to them.
“Hey!” Ibiki blinked, “You're dead!”
“Yep…”
“Did Gaara use the stone again?” Sakura frowned.
Everyone stared at the door that led into the Kazekage's lair.
“Well, while I'm here… *Cough* what's going on?”
“Not much,” Sasuke shrugged, “We're stuck here, so we're trying to amuse ourselves.”
“Amusement, huh? Like what? *Cough.*”
Naruto sighed, “You know, singing and stuff.”
“Hmmm… Can I try?”
“… NO!” Itachi snapped. “NO MORE SONGS!!”
“Be respectful of the dead, Uchiha,” Shino gazed at the criminal behind his dark lenses for a moment, then turned back to Hayate, “Do what you like.”
“*Cough* Cool…”
 
{??? GO, AUTHOR 1!!! - Author 2}
 
Hayate: I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love!
Love's going to leave me!
I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt!
So sexy it hurts! *Cough*
 
*Hayate begins to remove his shirt.*
Jiraiya: Hey! That's my song!
Tsunade and Orochimaru: *Smack!*

Hayate: And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan,
New York and Japan!
And I'm too sexy for your party, Too sexy for *Cough* party!
No way I'm disco dancing!

Hayate: I'm a model if you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk!
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, *Cough*!
I do my little turn on the catwalk!

Hayate: I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car!
Too sexy by far!
And I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my *Hack*!
What do you think about that? *Cough*

Hayate: I'm a model if you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk!
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah!
I shake my little touche *Cough* on the catwalk!
 
Sakura: … His what?

Hayate: I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my…*Cough* *Cough*

Hayate: I'm a model if you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk!
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, *Hack*!
I shake my little touche on the catwalk!

Hayate: I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat!
Poor pussy, poor pussy cat! *Cough*
I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love!
Love's going to leave me!

Hayate: And I'm too sexy for this so- *Cough* *Cough* *Hack* *Cough!*
 
Hayate bursts into a coughing fit, as he has taken off his shirt.
 
{End}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
{Here's the revised version!}
 
“Iwuka, pwease!”
“Nope!”
“*Sob* sob”
“Muhahaha…”
 
{Here's the real version}
 
“Haa… haaaa… I-Iruka, p-please…” Kakashi groaned as he regained his breath after releasing for the second time, flushing madly as Iruka just watched him do so. “I… It's driving me insane… please…”
“Please what, Kakashi?” cooed the chuunin as he rested his elbow on the desk and watched the other writhe. He seemed to be highly entertained by the other's torturous moans and squirms.
“Can't you just… gahhh… just take me already? We've been doing this for the last half hour… and it's becoming… so hard to keep it in…”
“Then don't keep it in.”
“B-but it… ahh… AHH!” Another wave of white-hot pleasure shot through the jonin's body as he spilled onto the bed for the third time. He thought his endurance was tougher than this… but maybe he was wrong. The lubricant was working fast on him, and the way that the plastic vibrator rubbed against his throbbing prostate… sure wasn't helping at all.
Iruka watched as Kakashi's eyes rolled into the back of his head again before smirking and finally taking an ounce of pity on him. He stood up and crawled onto the bed, nestling himself between the copy ninja's legs and taking the tip of his erected member into his mouth, letting his tongue rub gently against the tip. This only made the older man groan, bucking up against the chuunin before his hips were forced back down into the mattress. Letting out another lust-filled moan, Kakashi had no choice but to be led by the other's movements. He let himself be rocked gently, groaning as he member was bobbed up and down inside Iruka's moist cavern, occasionally hitting the back of his throat and making him purr in delight. The noise only made the ninja thrash harder, nearly coming free of his bonds until he felt himself drench the chuunin's mouth with his cum.
He couldn't believe it. He'd come at least four times within the last forty-five minutes… and the sad thing was that Iruka wasn't even done yet…
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Um…” Kiba looked somewhat concerned, “Are you all right?”
“Must… sing… one… last… song…” Hayate gasped amid his hacking.
“Then sing already!” Choji snapped.
 
{Unwell}
 
Hayate: All day *Cough*… staring at the ceiling,
Making friends with shadows on my wall.
All night… hearing voices telling me,
That I should get some sleep,
Because tomorrow might be good for *Cough* *Cough*.
Hold on! I'm feeling like I'm headed for,
A breakdown, and I don't know why!

Hayate: But I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell!
I know, right now you can't *Cough*,
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see…
A different side of me!
I'm not crazy; I'm just a little impaired!
I know, right now you don't care…
But soon enough, you're gonna think of me,
And how I used to *Cough*…
 
Itachi: … How he used to cough?
Sasuke: Don't ask.

Hayate: Me… talking to myself in public,
Dodging glances on the *Cough*.
I know… I know they've all been talking `bout me.
I can hear them whisper,
And it makes me think there must be something wrong, *Cough*
With me… Out of all the hours thinking,
Somehow, I've lost my mind!

Hayate: But I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell!
I know, *Cough* right now you can't tell!
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see…
A different side of me!
I'm not crazy; I'm just a little impaired!
I know, right now you don't care…
But soon enough you're gonna think of me,
And how I used to beeeeee! *COUGH* *COUGH* *HACK*
 
Several ANBU members appear with a stretcher.

Hayate: I've been talking in my sleep!
Pretty soon they'll come to get me!
 
Hayate is put on a stretcher and carried away by several ANBU members…

Hayate: Yeah, they're taking me awaaaayy- *Cough*

{Fades}
 
“That was… sad…” Hinata whispered. Kisame sniffed.
“Pansy…” Itachi muttered.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Gaara stood before Sasuke now… not quite knowing what to expect. Lee, despite being beaten to a pulp, had managed to break through his defenses, and Gaara had not seen Sasuke's moves, for the Uchiha boy had not used much to win his fight in the preliminaries.
Gaara could feel many eyes upon him, and he glanced about in mild boredom…
And caught sight of the Kazekage, standing next to Sarutobi.
Something inside him that was wholly unconnected to Shukaku roared in his ears, a fiery wrath he'd always felt whenever he caught sight of the man who'd sired him. It was a rage that he could only barely contain.
Hate, hate, HATE!!! He screamed the word inside his head, over and over.
Sarutobi halted his conversation with the man to gaze down at him, and Gaara was struck by the look in the Hokage's face. He had never seen anyone look at him that way before. He blinked, caught off-guard.
The man's face was not filled with fear, or anger, or even trepidation. It was gentler, and Gaara didn't like it. It wasn't normal, nor was it something he could recognize or understand.
He turned back to Sasuke, who had the same eager light in his eyes that Lee had shown him right before Gaara had ground him into the dust.
Lee…
 
Gaara sat up again, his face unusually expressive. His anger radiated from him, burning in his eyes.
“… Damn… it…” he growled again, “…Won't …stop…”
Why was he thinking these things? It made no sense.
“Hmm… Gaara-san?” Lee muttered faintly. “Wha-?”
“Dream,” he replied. Not a dream… a memory… he winced, then fell back into an uneasy sleep.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Well, at least Hayate's go-” but Kiba stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at the window, or rather, the figure looking out the window next to Shikamaru.
“S-Sarutobi-sama?!”
The Third Hokage turned about, “… Hello.”
 
{Meanwhile}
 
{Here's the revised version…}
 
“Muhahaha…”
“*Whimper *”
Memory Lane! Yay!!!
“Yay!”
“*Sob *”
 
{Here's the real version…}
 
“You'd best be ready for this, Hatake Kakashi,” purred Iruka as he lubed up his own erection, poising it at the other's entrance. Of course, the brunette chuunin had removed the vibrator, as he had been satisfied by the number of times Kakashi had given in to it.
The jonin whined. “Please… I need this… I don't care anymore, just bind me! Bind me to you and let me go to sleeeeeep….”
“Keep that up and I'll stick the vibrator in for another half hour,” smirked the other.
“NOOO!!!”
“Ok, then shut up and hold still.”
Kakashi whimpered as the shaft penetrated his opening, and he couldn't help but wiggle a little bit to help settle the chuunin in. He'd thought he couldn't feel any more bliss than he'd already had with his experiences at this place… But when he looked up to find the other grinning down on him like a Cheshire Cat, his heart skipped a beat and he knew he definitely was in love with the brunette, even more so than when they had first met. That memory was still fresh in his mind…
“… Hatake Kakashi?” Iruka raised a brow at the Hokage when he looked up from the list of jonin. “Isn't he the one who's always late?”
“Who's always late?” he chirped from behind Iruka, blinking his one lazy eye as he stared over the chuunin's shoulder.
“GAHH!!” His sudden appearance had definitely startled the brunette. “W-what the hell?! Where did you come from?”
Kakashi pointed to the window. “There. A black cat blocked the door, so I couldn't come in that way… I might have gotten cursed with bad luck.”
“……” The chuunin turned back to the Hokage with a sweat-drop. “You can't be serious. This can't be the man I've heard about! This guy's a… he's a total…”
“He's one of the most skilled jonin, and is the son of the White Fang,” replied the old man at the desk. “You have heard of the legendary Sharingan Copy Ninja, right, Iruka?”
“But this can't be him! Not Hatake Kakashi!!” retorted the other with a flush, and the jonin behind him stared at the man for the longest time, instantly falling in love. The way the chuunin blushed when he said his name sent him head over heels into bliss…
Iruka pounded into him once, groaning as he became accustomed to the jonin's heat. “Gods, Kakashi… you're tighter than I thought.”
“I… saved my virginity for you, l-love…” gasped the man beneath him. “I knew one day I would have you…”
“… Gods damn it, I hate it when you're right…”
“WHY ARE YOU STALKING ME?!” Iruka whirled around and glared at the copy ninja that had followed him around for the past few hours.
“I'm not stalking you, Master Iruka,” smiled the other under his mask. “I'm just making sure you don't walk under a ladder or run into a black cat.”
“Phhhhfft!!” Iruka spat on the ground before turning around again and heading back down the path he was walking on, attempting to lose the other within the complex town. He randomly turned different directions, occasionally dashing up the sides of buildings and running along the rooftops in a pathetic attempt to outrun the one behind him.
“Yo.” Kakashi appeared in front of him, nearly making Iruka run into him.
“AGHHH!!!” Iruka came to an abrupt halt, wobbling a bit as to regain his balance… and failed. He careened off the side of the building and was about to fall to his death until a hand caught his flailing wrist, pulling him back up and causing the chuunin to cling to the silver-haired ninja's body.
“Haa… haa…” The chuunin's eyes were terribly wide as he shuddered, trying to overcome the sudden heart attack when he noticed he was in the jonin's arms. He looked up, blinking as he tried to say something, but instead, the other leaned down and kissed him gently through his mask in a passionate way that left Iruka stunned.
“That's all I need for thanks,” purred the copy ninja into his ear before letting him go and vanishing on the spot.
“…….” Iruka stared at the spot where the other man had previously been standing. “….. ARGGGG!!! KAKASHI!!!!!”
Now he was with his brunette, becoming one and the same. After this night, he would be fully bound to the other male and never let go…
“Gah!” Iruka gasped as he pushed in for a fifth time, building the pace steadily as he felt the end coming near.
“Iru…” The jonin groaned and panted as he finally was able to free one of his hands, letting it snake forward to cup the brunette's face and stroke it in rhythm that they had set. “Gods, Iruka… I love you…”
“I…” A gasp sounded from the other again as he pulled out again, “I… I love you too, Kakashi… Ahhh…”
Then Kakashi could hold on no longer, spilling on top of the chuunin's stomach and crying out his lover's name in the most lust-filled scream he'd ever made.
Feeling the muscles tighten around his erection, Iruka fell over the edge of bliss as well and released into his lover, crying out at the pleasuring sensation that overwhelmed his brain, casting it into overdrive mode. He tried to keep up the tempo for as long as he could, but he eventually slowed down and slumped upon the other's chest, gasping for air.
“Gahh…”
“So…” Kakashi had dragged the unwilling chuunin out to dinner, and they sat at the Ichiraku, side by side, “have you seen Naruto lately?”
“Noooo,” grumbled Iruka as he dragged out his line. “I haven't been able to between teaching the next year's crop and trying to run from you.”
“Aww, well, that's just too bad,” the jonin grinned under his mask. “He'll miss seeing you all the time now.”
Iruka slurped up the last of his ramen before turning to cast a suspicious glare at the copy ninja. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you can come and live with me!” invited the other with a bright smile.
“WHAT?!?”
It was done… they were now as one, once and forever… never would they be separated again.
 
{Meanwhile. I'm getting tired of saying this…- Author 1. Then use a different word! - Author 2}
 
“What are you all doing?” Sarutobi beamed at them.
“Uh…” Tsunade stared at her old mentor.
Orochimaru seemed to have vanished with Kabuto as soon as the Hokage had appeared.
“… Why did Gaara call you up?” Kankuro frowned.
“Oh, he's dreaming!” Sarutobi replied cheerfully. Gai whimpered.
“Hey, Teach! What's up!” Jiraiya smiled lopsidedly, still feeling the effects of the many punches and slaps he'd recently received.
“Well, not much. You see, one doesn't get to do much when they're dead…” Sarutobi sighed.
“???”
“Are you singing songs?”
Itachi went very pale, “NO! NO, WE ARE NOT SINGING!!”
Sarutobi gazed at him, grinning insanely, “Well, you should be! I'll start us off with a song about being dead!”
“NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!” wailed the older Uchiha sibling.
 
{Dead}
 
Sarutobi and ANBU Members: I returned a bag of groceries,
Accidentally taken off the shelf,
Before the expiration date.
I came back as a bag of groceries,
Accidentally taken off the shelf,
Before the date stamped on myself.
 
Tsunade: Well, he hasn't changed much…

Sarutobi: Did a large procession wave their,
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?
Now it's over; I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want,
Sarutobi and ANBU Members: Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do!

Sarutobi and ANBU Members: I will never say the word,
'Procrastinate' again; I'll never,
See myself in the mirror with my eyes closed.
Sarutobi: I didn't apologize for,
When I was eight and I made my younger brother,
Have to be my personal slave!

Sarutobi: Did a large procession wave their,
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?
Now it's over; I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want,
Sarutobi and ANBU Members: Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do!

Sarutobi: So I won't… sit at home… anymore,
And you won't… see my head in the window,
And I won't… be around… ever anymore,
And I'll be up there on the wall at the store!

Sarutobi and ANBU Members: I returned a bag of groceries,
Accidentally taken off the shelf,
Before the expiration date.
I came back as a bag of groceries,
Accidentally taken off the shelf,
Before the date stamped on myself.

Sarutobi: Did a large procession wave their-
Torches as my head fell in the basket,
And was everybody dancing on the casket?
Now it's over; I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want,
Sarutobi and ANBU Members: Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do!

Sarutobi: Now it's over; I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want,
Sarutobi and ANBU Members: Or, I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do!
 
{End}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Ah, my lord… how long are we going to stay in this closet?”
“Until the others kill each other off!”
“Oh… okay…???”
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Ebisu stirred from his spot on the floor, “… Stupid Sound genin…”
He stood, and caught sight of Sarutobi… a strange light came to his face.
“Y-you!!!”
“Oh, hello!” the Hokage smiled patronizingly at him.
“YOU… YOU LEFT ME WITH THAT CREEP OF A GRANDSON, YOU MONSTER!!!!” Ebisu snarled. The others stared at him. “AND I'VE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF ALL HIS BRATTY FRIENDS, TOO!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH SINCE YOU DIED?!”
 
{??? … Uh… yeah… I don't know what we were thinking when we put in this song… - Author 2}
 
To EVERYONE'S horror, country music starts up…
 
Ebisu: OH, yeah!
Lost my job, came home mad!
Got a pat on the back and, “That's too bad!”
You said, “You can go play dead until you find another job!”
I thought `I like the sound of that!
Watch TV and take long naps!
Go from a hard-working man to being Mr. Mom!'

Ebisu and ANBU Members: Well,
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer!
Crayons go up one drawer higher!
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time!
Ebisu: Breakfast at six, naps at nine!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: There's bubble gum in the baby's hair,
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair!
Ebisu: Been crazy all day long!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: And it's only Monday,
Mr. Mom!
 
Shino: … Mr.… Mom?
Kiba: That is seriously screwed up…
Hinata: I feel bad for him…

Ebisu: Football, soccer, and ballet!
Squeeze in Scouts and PTA,
And there's that shopping list you left,
That's seven pages long!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: How much smoke can one stove make?
Ebisu: The kids won't eat my charcoal cake!
It's more than any maid can take,
Ebisu and ANBU Members: Being Mr. Mom!

Ebisu and ANBU Members: Well,
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer!
Crayons go up one drawer higher!
Rewind Barney for the sixteenth time!
Ebisu: Breakfast at six, naps at nine!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: There's bubble gum in the baby's hair,
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair!
Ebisu: Been crazy all day long!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: And it's only Monday,
Mr.… Mom!

Ebisu: Before I fall in bed tonight,
If the dog didn't eat the classifieds,
I'm gonna look just-
Ebisu and ANBU Members: One more time!

Ebisu: `Cause,
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer!
Crayons go up one drawer higher!
Rewind Barney for the eighteenth time!
Breakfast at six, naps at nine!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: There's bubble gum in the baby's hair,
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair!
Ebitsu: Been crazy all day long! Oh!
Been crazy all day long!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: And it's only Monday,
Mr. Mom!
Ebisu: Oh, Mr. Mom!

Ebisu and ANBU Members: Balancing checkbooks, juggling bills!
Ebisu: Thought there was nothing to it!
Ebisu and ANBU Members: Iruka, now I know how you feel!
Ebisu: What I don't know is-
Ebisu and ANBU Members: How you do it!
Ebisu: OH!
 
Ebisu: Hokage, I sure hate you!
 
{End}
 
Sarutobi smiled happily, “Oh! Where is Konohamaru?” Ebisu went white.
“Uh… sleeping,” Sakura lied.
“… So Gaara is dreaming up people?” Temari asked the Third Hokage.
“Hai!” the old man nodded, “To be honest, I think the stone is trying to get him to bring forth a malevolent spirit. It does have a… consciousness of sorts.”
Naruto scratched his head, “Male-eevall-int?”
“If the user of the stone brings forth a malevolent spirit,” Itachi explained, “Then that spirit will slaughter all those within its reach, then disappear. That's why it was placed down here. It's also why you have to be careful with the stone.”
“Whoah!” Choji cried, “You mean that the user and everyone around him will be killed?!”
“Well… Hai,” Sarutobi shrugged.
“And Mr. Popular has it?!”
“Gaara, y… yyeess…” Temari replied impatiently, but her voice faded away in sudden realization.
“…” Everyone stared at one another, save for Shikamaru, who had passed out, and Sarutobi, who had vanished.
“… We've gotta get in that room!!!” Naruto cried.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Kabuto winced as Orochimaru stood on his foot, “My lord, can't we hide elsewhere?”
“NO!”
“… Why not?”
“Sarutobi's out there!”
“Oh…”
A moment of silence followed before…
“Phhh, My dord, dat's my dose you're groping.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Blaahroph, phaat's meh mouph!”
“…. Sorry.”
Again, silence followed.
“… Would you mind loosening your grip on my throat, Lord Orochimaru?”
“… It's kind of hard to see with all these clothes in the way… Kabuto! Guide my hand!”
“… Uh… yes, my lord… Where to?”
“*Sigh*”
“… I was joking…”
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Door… still… won't…” The others had been attacking the door for some time, but it would not open.
“I guess all we can do is wait…” Shino frowned.
The others shuddered.
Kankuro turned about in frustration and walked towards the window, then stopped with a horrified cry.
“… AAAHH! TOO LATE!!!”
The group turned about, weapons drawn and hands ready. Temari dropped her fan in shock.
“I-it… it can't be!!”
“Where is Gaara?!” the figure hissed.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Gaara walked down the streets of Sunagakure, holding his stuffed bear close. He could feel the eyes of the villagers following him, eyes filled with fear and hate and mistrust.
The pressure of their collective hatred pushed down upon his small body. He wanted to scream, but it would only make things worse.
He walked straight into his uncle, “Careful, Gaara!”
“… Sorry.”
“Watch where you're going next time, okay?”
“I was… distracted.”
“Oh? By what?” Yashamaru lifted his eyebrows.
“Their eyes.”
“… What?”
“… Everyone hates me…”
“I don't hate you…” his uncle gazed at him, his expression unfathomable.
“You're not `everyone',” the six-year old shrugged.
…
“Why?! Why did you do it?!” Gaara wept, desperate for an answer. The only one he'd ever trusted had betrayed him… The dying assassin replied without a moment's hesitation.
“Because I hate you, Gaara… You killed my sister, whom I loved.”
 
But… that wasn't my fault…
 
Gaara's eyes shot open once more. He was soaked in sweat, gasping slightly.
“… Yashamaru,” Gaara muttered, “You…”
“Gaara-san?” Lee looked up at him sleepily, “What are you doing?”
“Ah…” the Kazekage frowned, “…” he looked down at his clenched hands, and it was only then that he noticed something very unpleasant.
He was holding… the stone… his jade eyes widened.
“Yashamaru…” he whispered harshly, “Why did I have to think about him?!”
“Gaara?” the leaf ninja blinked as the Kazekage stood abruptly and began to throw on his robes, “What's wrong?”
“I think I may have done something very dangerous…” Gaara pulled on his sandals and hooked his gourd back onto his frame, “Wait here.”
“???” Lee clearly wanted to follow him, but he no longer had any clothes to wear. “Ah… I will… just… stay here… then.”
“Good.” Gaara turned and rushed out of the room.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“RUN AWAY!!!” Kiba snarled, and the group scattered… just as Gaara emerged from his room. His already wide eyes doubled in size, and he vanished back inside with a slam of the door.
“Why couldn't you just die?!” the ghost of Gaara's uncle howled at the spot where his nephew's head had been, “Why didn't you let me kill you?!” The spirit stalked over to the door.
Temari was shivering uncontrollably. Kankuro hesitated, then, “… Uh… long time no see, Uncle Yashamaru…”
The spirit stared at him, “Kankuro? … Help me kill Gaara.”
“W-what?!” Kankuro stammered, “No!”
“… Fine, I'll deal with you after I'm done with your brother.”
The spirit placed his hands upon the door, and slid through it.
“AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! NOOOOO!!!” Gai shouted, “LEE'S IN THERE!!!!” He threw himself upon the door, “KONOHA HURRICANE!!!!!” He rushed into the room, quickly followed by Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Itachi, Tsunade, and Kankuro. The others sprinted to other rooms and hid inside them.
“Muuuuusssssshhhhhrrrrrroooooommmmmmsssss!!!” Shikamaru moaned in his sleep.
 
{In the Room}
 
“Lee!” Gaara hissed, his face even paler than usual, “Hide…”
“What?”
“Now!” Lee hesitated, then wrapped himself in a blanket and shot under the bed.
Gaara awakened his sand, and sealed the leaf ninja away safely, but kept a great deal floating about his form for the inevitable battle.
Yashamaru slipped through the door, and the Kazekage instantly knew that he was going to be killed. If the ghost could walk through doors, it could easily get through his sand.
“Damn…” he whispered.
“I'm going to try again, now…” Yashamaru gazed at him hungrily, “Please don't die too quickly, Gaara… I want to hear you scream, like I heard my sister scream when she died creating you.”
The door burst apart, and Gai boomed at the spirit in rage, “You stay away from Lee!”
“… Who is `Lee'?” the blonde man turned back to his nephew.
“Ah…” the sand ninja backed away.
“Gaara! Move!” Sasuke blasted the murderous ghost with fire as the Kazekage threw himself to the side, but it had no effect.
“You… little…” Yashamaru advanced upon the Uchiha boy, murder in his eyes, when…
“Let… me… in-” Sakura pushed Sasuke aside, and to everyone's shock, the spirit unhinged his mouth like a snake and… ate her.
“HOLY CRAP!!!” Naruto shouted.
Sasuke took the moment he'd been given to rush by the ghost. Gaara was standing to the right of the bed, Sasuke to the left, when…
“What the hell is going on in here?!” The wall blasted to bits to reveal Iruka holding one of his giant shuriken, poised for a death throw as the chuunin brushed the wood chips off his shoulder. He had his clothes on, and a fierce glare burned in his eyes.
“Master Iruka!” Naruto cried out at his old teacher in terror, “There's some bloodthirsty spirit that came out of the stone and it's trying to kill us! HEEELLLLPPP!!”
“W-what?!” The chuunin looked from the blonde kitsune to the man standing in the middle, busy licking his lips in satisfaction, “You mean that guy came out of the stone?!”
“Gaara-san?” came a voice from under the bed. “Is everything all right? Can I come out now?” Yashamaru growled again at his nephew's name and stepped towards the Kazekage menacingly.
“NO!!” Gaara bent down to bang on the sand shield while backing away from his uncle's ghost, and accidentally dropped the stone. It went skidding across the floor.
“MINE!!” snarled the Konoha criminal. He picked it up, eyes gleaming… and another malevolent spirit appeared in the room.
“Itachiiiii…” it wailed, “I thought what we had together was special…”
“ARGGHH!! SHISUI!!” Itachi freaked out at the sight of his old friend and threw the stone at Tsunade, who caught it with a blink.
Then a sack of money appeared.
“MONEY!!” screeched the lady, diving at it, but not before it suddenly vanished. “NOOOO!!!”
The stone went flying again, only to be caught by Gai.
“… Wha?” Gai blinked as a worm appeared in front of him on the floor, “…. AAAAAIIIIEEEE!!”
Yashamaru grinned at Gaara the way the Kazekage himself had once grinned at his victims. His nephew's back had hit the wall, and there was nowhere to run. The ghost grabbed Gaara and hoisted him up, pinning him against the wall.
Iruka caught the stone next, and to his utter horror, in front of him appeared…
“You worthless scum…” hissed the voice of Mizuki, silver eyes flaring as he leaned in towards his former lover, “Look at you! You're nothing but an unwanted fool, damned to be-”
But Iruka wasn't paying attention anymore. His eyes were wide in terror, mouth slightly open as he took a shaky step back. He'd frozen with fear, and no matter how much the others screamed at him to do something with the rock, he wouldn't move.
“You're going to die here, Iruka. Come with me to hell…” Mizuki smiled in a devious manner before leaning forward to devour the chuunin. He seemed unable to move.
“IRUKA!!” Kakashi appeared behind his lover and snatched the rock away, summoning all his strength and creating a massive Chidori that completely shattered the stone when it came in contact with the charged hand, thus making all the spirits howl in wrath and vanish on the spot.
… Everyone was silent. Gaara slumped against the wall, jade orbs glittering.
“Iruka!!” Kakashi dropped the shattered remains of the stone and pulled the trembling man to his body. “Iruka, Iruka! Are you all right?”
“I-It was like it all came back…” stammered the chuunin, eyes still wide in horror, “… All the memories… everything came back to me… h-he was about to kill me… I-it was like another n-nightmare…”
“Shhhh…” cooed the man that held him. “It's all right… Mizuki's gone now… It's all right…” Iruka shivered in Kakashi's arms.
Gaara shook his head hard, looked about sharply for a moment, then let the sand defending Lee slide back into his gourd, “You might want to stay under there…” he muttered shakily.
“Moneeeyyyy…” Tsunade groaned.
“Uh…” Kankuro looked about warily, still near the door, “… Is anyone dead?”
“Sakura's gone,” Sasuke shrugged stiffly, unnerved, “I suppose that's another problem taken care of…”
“DUDE!!! That blonde chick just like… ATE her!! DUDE!!!” Naruto shuddered.
Gaara blinked at the leaf ninja, “Blonde… chick? That was my uncle, Naruto…”
Itachi was staring at the spot where Shisui had been, and Gai was whimpering, “Wooorrrmmm… Woooorrrrrmmm…”
“… Can I come out now, Gaara-san?” Lee sounded a bit irritated.
“I think you'd regret it…” the Kazekage replied, his eyes flickering with… amusement?
Sasuke snorted, “What, is he naked under there?”
“… Ah…”
Gai looked up at Sasuke's words, “Lee? … Come out here.”
“B-but Gai-Sensei, I don't-”
“All of you, get out!” Gai glared at the others. Sasuke, Naruto, and Itachi retreated into the circular room. Kakashi had already carried the hysterical Iruka away and used an earth jutsu to seal the hole in the wall. Kankuro staunchly remained with his brother.
“All right, Lee… come out,” Gai ordered again.
“But… Master… I…”
“I already know what I'm going to see, Lee, so just come out.”
“… Hold on… what is? …!” There was a sound of cloth shifting about for a few moments, and then Lee crawled out from underneath the bed… wearing a suit that appeared to be identical to the one Gaara had shredded that afternoon.
“… What?” Gai's eyes widened. Gaara blinked, looking slightly relieved.
Kankuro turned to his younger brother in shock, “… You… you didn't do anything?! You had him alone for at least three hours and you didn't do anything?!”
“… What do you mean?” Gaara gazed at the puppet-master curiously.
“WHAT?!” Gai snarled at the Kazekage, “Look here, carrot-head!” Gaara stared at him, “I may not like this whole set-up, but if Lee is with you, you're going to make him happy, or I'll crush every bone in your body!!!! I demand that you treat my boy like your most precious possession, or else!!!!”
Kankuro stepped forward, “I'd like to see you try to mess with my brother…” he hissed. The two glared daggers at one another.
Lee looked at Gaara, “What are they talking about?”
“I have no idea…” the sand ninja replied.
“Gaara-san… What happened?” Lee frowned.
“… Can you go fix my door?” Gaara turned to Gai, “You did break it.”
“What?” Gai faltered, “Oh! Oh, yes, sure…” He walked to the doorway with Kankuro, who exited while Lee's mentor examined the damage done.
Lee hesitated, “… So what happened?”
“I had a dream about my dead uncle, and he came back through the stone to kill me… I'm not sure about what happened then, but Sakura was… eaten… and the stone was destroyed.”
“Your uncle? I did not know you had an uncle.”
“He tried to assassinate me when I was six,” the Kazekage explained, “and I killed him…”
The leaf ninja stared at him.
“There! Door fixed! Now, then,” Gai had returned, “Where was I? Oh, yes… Gaara, you treat my boy right or you'll regret it for the rest of your life!” The man left.
The two watched him leave, puzzled.
“He's… been acting… odd…” Gaara commented.
“… I think we all have,” Lee shrugged.
The sand ninja couldn't agree more.
“By the way… how did you replace your clothes?”
Lee snickered, “You would not believe some of the things I found under that bed!”
Gaara blinked, then shrugged and left the room, Lee trailing behind him with a bright smile.
 
{Meanwhile- ile- ile- iley- ileyoo!!! … Yeah… ah… heheh… your turn, Author 1- Author 2}
 
As soon as the trembling chuunin had been placed on the bed, Iruka crawled to a corner and curled up into a nearly perfect ball, shivering the entire time. He was clearly highly disturbed, and the copy ninja sighed gently as he too climbed onto the bed as well, pulling the other towards him and snuggling the scared brunette.
“Are you all right, Iruka?”
All that he received was a whimper.
“…” Kakashi frowned as he let a hand caress and run through the chestnut locks before him, pausing once to undo the hair-tie that kept the strands high in a ponytail. “I understand how you're feeling, Iruka.”
The chuunin looked up, blinking away crystalline tears. “Y-you do?”
“Yeah…” The one lazy eye lolled slightly as it swiveled around to connect with that of the brown. “I was in love with someone else, too…”
“R-really? Who was that?”
“Obito.”
“?”
“Obito Uchiha, the man that gave me the Sharingan in my left eye.”
“O-oh…”
“When he died, I was devastated; broken for what seemed like eternity. The chances of me coming back from the realm in which I was lost in… was highly unlikely.”
“Then how did you do it?”
“You remember the time we first met, in the classroom, right?”
“If you're referring to the time when you said, `Oh, there's a black cat blocking the door', then yes, I remember it clearly.”
“Then you should also remember that after I had left, you talked with Sarutobi-san some more, am I correct?”
“Hai…”
“What did you do after you left?”
“I… uh… I think I stopped by to pick up Naruto for a round of ramen.”
There was a pause as the older ninja seemed to smile. “All right, what did you do when you left?”
“Well… I went home.”
“What did you do at home?”
“… Why would you want to know that?!”
“Were you taking a bath, perchance?”
“Uh… well I… now that I think about it, yes. I did take a bath.”
“A bubble bath?”
“Uh-huh…”
“With vanilla and cinnamon scents?”
“Yeah… wait a minute, how the hell do you know all this?!”
The copy ninja chuckled as he purred in response, “I was stalking you. After seeing you blush in front of the Hokage, I felt… different, a feeling I had not felt for some time-”
“YOU WATCHED ME BATHE?!?!”
“Well, yes. It wasn't like I could have stopped myself. I was acting differently than normal. I was curious.”
“Then what are you trying to say, Kakashi?”
“You.”
“… Excuse me?”
“It was you that brought me back. Every day before the team's training began, I always was late because I went off to visit the monument. You know, the one engraved with all the ninja who fell in battle. I would go there every time and pray for the mission's well being, and to give respect to the man I had once loved. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from drowning.”
“Kakashi…”
“After seeing the smile on your face, it dawned on me what I needed to do. It was like a higher being spoke to me.”
“Uh…”
“But… I do wonder, what about you? Weren't you crushed after Mizuki turned on you?”
“Well, yes… but I couldn't show it during the daytime, during the time I taught classes at the academy. It was only when I went home that I… you know… broke down.”
“So I heard. What kept you aloft? Was it Naruto?”
“No…”
“Was it the Third Hokage?”
“No…”
“Was it… Icha Icha Paradise?”
“HELL NO!!”
A chuckle sounded. “Then what was it?”
“It was more like… who was it.”
“Oh, I see. Then WHO was it?”
“… I hate to admit this, but… it was you. Whenever you showed up in my office, even though I'd get frustrated and distracted, and even the times when you broke into my house, I felt… happier, like I didn't have time to dwell on the past.”
“I see.”
“… Thanks, Kakashi.”
“Mmm?”
“If it wasn't-”
“-for you-”
Both of them said at the same time, “Where would I be?”
Then they both paused, looking at each other as if to answer the question… then both burst out into an amused laughter.
“It seems like we both have a lot to learn about one another,” said the jonin, smiling as he poked Iruka, who merely swatted the hand away in a playful gesture.
“It's a shame that you're right for once, Kakashi.”
“Hey…”
 
{Later…}
 
A door opened.
“… Ugh… I'm never eating that again…” Neji groaned.
Most of the others were sitting in a circle once more. Neji shrugged to himself, then stalked into the kitchen, pointedly avoiding his cousin.
“… No… ramen…” Naruto was curled up in a fetal position on the floor next to Shikamaru, who was attempting to talk to him.
“Duuuuude…”
“No… ramen.”
“Whooooaaaa, duuuuuuuude…”
“Beloved… ramen…”
“Whoooooaaaa…”
Itachi stood up and strode over to the two delirious teens, and promptly dumped his steaming tea on their heads.
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” the two screamed simultaneously and both writhed about in pain on the floor.
Sasuke snarled in anger, “Knock it the hell off, Itachi!”
“Make me, whore!” the criminal hissed, “You idiots destroyed the object that I have risked my life and lost my sanity for! I'm just venting.”
“You moron!” Tsunade growled as she rushed over to heal the two.
“C-clouds?” Shikamaru whimpered as she stood over him.
“Yes, very nice clouds,” she soothed as she healed him.
“I'm cooking like a ramen noodle! He's going to eat me!” Naruto cried as he threw himself away from the others.
“Let's just let him die…” Kiba grinned.
Tsunade glared at him for a moment, then stalked over to the cowering Naruto to help him.
“I thought I heard screaming…” Orochimaru appeared, Kabuto trailing behind him, “How many are dead so far?”
“Uh…” Shino frowned, “Well, there was that ANBU guy…”
Choji shuddered, “… And Ino.” Neji emerged from the kitchen and sat down next to the door, staring at his plate.
“And the two brats you squished…” Itachi added.
“And Sakura got eaten while you were in your room,” Temari smirked.
“Eaten, eh… and that's it? … Damn… I was hoping for more than that…” Orochimaru sighed.
Kabuto fiddled with his glasses as he turned to Gaara, “Do you still have the stone?”
“No.”
Orochimaru looked at the Kazekage sharply, “Who has it, then?”
Gaara blinked, “No one.”
“What?”
Itachi shot a murderous stare at Gaara before elaborating, “This fool summoned forth a malevolent spirit with the stone, and it ended up shattering! They destroyed it! Damn them! And I'm still stuck with them!!!”
“Is he… talking to us or to himself?” Tenten cocked her head.
“… Don't ask me,” Sasuke shrugged, “I don't understand him either.”
“Dude, this is boring…” Shikamaru complained, “… and I'm out of mushrooms…”
“I'm kind of bored, too…” Kankuro admitted, “… What should we do?”
Lee was practically jumping up and down next to Gaara, “I know! It has been awhile since someone sang!”
Almost everyone flinched at this.
“… Kankuro.”
“Yeah, Gaara?”
“Sing.”
Kankuro's eyes widened, “… But… but I'm sick of singing!”
“What are you babbling about?” Naruto, now healed, frowned at him, “You haven't taken a lead role in any of the songs yet!”
Hinata suddenly spoke up, and Neji flinched, “Well… Maybe… Kankuro could… um… do something else along with singing?”
“… What do you mean?” the puppet master asked warily.
“Like… you could act out a song…”
Kankuro went pale, “You can't be serious!”
“I think that is a splendid idea!” Lee grinned.
“Do it, Kankuro…” Gaara gazed at his brother coolly.
“F-fine…” he wailed, “Fine! But I can't do this alone… I need two others.”
“GO, GAARA-SAN!!!”
Gaara blinked, “… All right.”
“Naruto should do it, too!” Kiba chuckled evilly, “He hasn't done anything for a while!”
“ALL RIGHT!!! LET'S DO IT!!!! BELIEVE IT!!!!!” Naruto shouted.
Gaara looked rather glum, “What do you have in mind?” he asked.
Kankuro hesitated, “… Follow me…” He led the other two into the kitchen. Neji leaned in towards the door, listening. After a few minutes, an odd smirk crept onto the Hyuga ninja's face. Then…
“AAAHHHH!!!! NNOOOOO!! I WON'T DO IT!! … I HATE YOU BOTH!! BELIEVE IT!!”
The two sand shinobi emerged from the kitchen. Gaara seemed somewhat amused, while Kankuro was cackling evilly.
“Temari… Guitar…” Gaara nodded to his sister.
She rolled her eyes, “What song?”
Kankuro leaned over and whispered to her. She snorted, then shrugged and her guitar reappeared…
 
{??? … Oh! I love this song!!! - Author 2}
 
The lights go out, save for a large spot that illuminates the three siblings. Temari begins to play.
 
Kankuro: This is the greatest and best song in the world…
 
Everyone: ???

Kankuro: … Tribute.
 
Everyone: ???

Kankuro: A long time ago me and my brother Gaara here,
We was hitchhiking down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden… there shined a shiny demon… in the middle… of the road.
 
*Naruto appears, covered in sparkles with a towel pinned to his pants for a tail, scowling a little. *
Everyone: ???

Kankuro: And he said:
Naruto: Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your souls! Believe it!
 
Sasuke: ………

Kankuro: Well me and Gaara, we looked at each other,
And we each said:
Kankuro and Gaara: … Okay.
Kankuro: And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The best song in the world! It was the best song in the world!

Kankuro: Look into my eyes and-
Kankuro and Gaara: It's easy to see,
One and one make two, two and one makes three!
It was destiny!
Kankuro: Once every hundred-
Kankuro and Gaara: Thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow,
And the grass doth-
Kankuro: Grow...

Kankuro: Needless to say, the beast was stunned!
Whip-crack went his whoopy tail…
 
*Naruto wiggles the towel with one hand. Everyone snickers. *

Kankuro: And the beast was done!
He asked us:
Naruto: *Snort* Be you angels?

Kankuro: And we said-
Kankuro and Gaara: Nay… We are but men!
Gaara: Rock.
 
Lee: Lee!
Everyone: …

Kankuro and Gaara: Ahh, ahh, ahhh-ah-ah!
Ohh, whoa, ah-whoa-oh!

Kankuro: This is not the greatest song in the world, no!
This is just a tribute!
Couldn't remember the greatest song in the world, no, no!
Kankuro and Gaara: This is a tribute…
Kankuro: Oh, to the greatest song in the world!
All right! It was the greatest song in the world!
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song, the greatest song in the world!

{2-part skat}

Kankuro: And the peculiar thing is this, my friends:
The song we sang on that fateful night,
It didn't actually sound anything like this song!

Kankuro and Gaara: This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there! It's just a matter of opinion!
Ah, yeah! Good Gods, Gods loving!
So surprised to find you can't stop it!

{2-part skat}

Kankuro: All right! All right!
 
Suddenly a smoke bomb goes off, and the lights go completely out. Only Naruto, covered in sparkles, can be seen.
 
{End}
 
The lights came back on after a few seconds of total darkness.
“… Where did Gaara-san go?” Lee frowned.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Kakashi…”
“What is it, my dear chuunin?”
“Why is the Kazekage at the foot of our bed?”
Both of Kakashi's eyes doubled in size, and he shot his gaze over the bed, only to find that what Iruka had said was true. Gaara was standing there, seeming to be waiting for something.
“W-what are you doing?!” Kakashi stared at him.
Gaara didn't seem to be in a very good mood, “… I… need more advice…” he spoke slowly.
“What is he talking about, Kakashi?” Iruka asked.
The jonin's face went through an odd series of rapid transformations, before it froze into a cruel smirk, “… You need more advice, eh?” Gaara blinked at him. “Well then, you came at just the right time! Iruka dear, we need to demonstrate a few things for the poor deprived leader of Sunagakure!”
Iruka looked confused for a moment… and then he scrambled away from the copy ninja in horror, “NO!! NO!!! NOT IN FRONT OF SOMEONE!!!! I WON'T DO IT!!!!”
Gaara had gone slightly pale, “… That's not quite what I meant…”
“Pwease, Iwuka!”
“NOOO!!!”
“Pwweeeaasse!!!!”
“NNNOOOOOO!!!!”
“Awww…” Kakashi pouted, then turned to Gaara in sudden thought, “Hey! Could you tie Iruka to the headboard with your sand for me?”
“Um… sure…” Gaara made a sweeping gesture, and poor Iruka was welded to the bed. The chuunin whimpered.
“Okay, Gaara! Lesson One: A Thousand Years of Death.”
“NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Gaara's eyes widened as Kakashi began `demonstrating' for him with his prey.
 
{Meanwhile… I feel worse for Gaara than I do for Iruka… heh… - Author 2}
 
Asuma stared at the KHSP in apprehension.
“Do you think we should go in?” he asked Kurenai.
“Uh… no… Let's just… wait for them to come out,” the woman replied uneasily.
Both of them were all too aware of the many screams that head been coming out of the building for the past two days, and neither really wanted to add their own voices to the din.
“I'm… bored…”
Kurenai nodded, “Nothing to do…”
“Wait! I've got Uno cards!!!”
“YAY!!! UNO!!!!!!”
The two jonin promptly plopped onto the grassy earth and began to play.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“This is odd… Where could Gaara have gone?” Temari gazed over the other ninja suspiciously.
Kankuro shrugged nonchalantly, “I'm sure he's all right.”
“Ugh… those two have started up again,” Tsunade rolled her eyes at the door leading to Kakashi and Iruka's room.
“What a surprise…” Neji growled.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Gaara was sitting with his back against the wall that bordered his own room, his now huge eyes riveted to the two ninja, his face unreadable. He felt mildly ill.
There is no way in hell I am going to do this… he thought to himself faintly. There is just no way.
The Kazekage suppressed a shudder. “Do I have to do everything?”
“Hmm?” The copy ninja blinked as his head swiveled around to stare at the red-haired teen. “Well… no, not everything. I'll tell you what parts you need to do.”
“Ah… ah, all right.” Gaara shivered a bit.
 
{Meanwhile…}
 
“Well, I guess we should get going to bed…” Tsunade yawned as she stood up, fanning herself a bit. “It's getting dark.”
“I cannot go to sleep without Gaara-san!” Lee pouted and turned away sharply to gaze out the window, folding his arms across his chest.
“WHHAAHHH!!” cried Gai as he threw himself on the floor and wormed his way to his room.
“…” Everyone watched as he left, some looking to one another in confusion... but eventually, they all shrugged as if nothing had even happened at all.
Orochimaru yawned and headed for his room as well, brushing his still-braided hair over his shoulder. “Kabuto, go to the kitchen and get me something to eat. I'm going to go get dressed for bed.”
Kabuto nodded faithfully, “Yes, milord…” and then began to make his way towards the kitchen, intent on obeying his master.
“Goodnight, you miserable slugs,” Orochimaru smiled cruelly at the rest of the group before vanishing into his room.
“That's my line…” Itachi frowned.
 
{Inside the Room}
 
The most evil of the three sannin sighed in relief as he washed his face, letting the water run down his cheeks lightly as he looked into the mirror. It was unfortunate that he didn't notice someone come in the room and lock the door behind him.
Orochimaru continued to hum blissfully, unaware as a very strange and perverted sage snuck up behind him and…
“ARRRG!!” The snake commander bellowed as a pair of arms latched around his waist and squashed him against the mirror, squishing his once-clean face against it. “JIRAIYA!! GET OFF OF ME, YOU PERVERTED FREAK!!”
“Yo, Orochimaru! I was just thinking you needed some male company! You know, we haven't seen each other since we were on Team Saru-”
“DON'T SAY HIS NAME!!!!”
“Wow… you really hate him, don't you?”
“Just… Just get off me!! Get off me right now!!”
The ebony-haired ninja flailed around a bit before he was finally released… but he was then tackled to the opposing wall. Jiraiya beamed down on him, a smirk gracing his lips, “Oh Orochimaru… when will you ever learn?”
“When will YOU ever learn, Jiraiya?!” snarled the other, squirming in the firm hold. “Ugh… I… I just wish you would die! No, better yet, I HOPE you die!! Now!! Die now!!”
He was silenced though as the toad hermit's lips hovered dangerously close to his. “Oh come on, you don't really mean that, do you, old pal?”
 
{I Hope You Die}
 
There was an eerie silence as Orochimaru leaned forward and glared into the green eyes of the sage. “You must die! I alone am best!”

Orochimaru: I hope ya flip some guy the bird.
He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve,
In front of The Beatles tour bus,
A Bookmobile and a Mack truck-
Hauling hazardous biological waste.
The light turns red; you have no brakes,
And “Hard Copy” gets it all on tape,
So you can see the look on your face!

Snakes: ...Die, die, die, die, die, die, die!
… Die, die, die, die, die, die, die!

Orochimaru: I hope your Pinto begins to spin,
Takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran.
Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize Winner,
And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner.
Perhaps even the British Royal Family,
And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy,
And we can't forget the newlyweds,
And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead.

Orochimaru and Random Sound Ninja: I hope this helps to emphasize…
I hope this helps to clarify…
I hope you die!

Orochimaru: I hope your cellmate thinks he's God,
But C.N.N. refers to him as “Bowling Ball Bag Bob,”
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse,
Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse.
While he masturbates to photos of livestock,
He does the “Silence of the Lambs” dance to Christian Rock.
Eats feces and quotes from “Deliverance,”
And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince.

Snakes: Die, die, die, die, die, die, die!
… Die, die, die, die, die, die, die!

Orochimaru: I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson,
And forces you to play a game called “Balls On Chin.”
And whatever happens next is all a blur,
But you remember `fist' can be a verb.
And when you finally regain consciousness,
You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress,
And the prison guard looks the other way,
'Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day.

Orochimaru and Random Sound Ninja: I hope this helps to emphasize…
I hope this helps to clarify…
I hope you die!

Orochimaru: ...I hope you DIE!!!
 
{End}
 
After an enormous amount of venting and fuming, Orochimaru looked to the hermit with the most deathly look he could muster… only to find that Jiraiya hadn't been paying attention at all. He was busy smirking as his eyes trailed down the other's half-naked body and seemed to be particularly interested in…
“Wha… wha… WHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” The snakes reacted to their master's screams and reared up for an attack, but just at the last second, they were slurped up by Gamabunta, then held in his tongue and beaten against the wall.
“Maaaaaaassssssssssteeeerrr!!” They hissed pitifully between their master's screams. “We faaailllled youuuu!!!!!!”
“YES, YOU DID!!!” howled the commander as his rear end was suddenly groped. “AAAAAAHHH!! KABUTOOOO!!! SAAAAAVVEEE MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
 
{In the Kitchen}
 
“… Okay… got everything…” Kabuto muttered, balancing a tray on one hand while he opened the door to the main room with the other.
“UNWORTHY ONE!!!” Kabuto looked down to see one of his master's snakes gazing up at him desperately, “THE TOOAAD-KISSSSSSER ISSS HURTINNNGGG MMAAASSSSSSTTEEERRR!!!!”
“WHAT?!” Kabuto slid the tray onto a nearby counter and pelted out of the room. He and the serpent came to the door, only to find it locked.
Kabuto turned his gaze to the snake, “I can break the door down, but it will take a second. Can you get under the door?”
The tiny snake nodded, and Kabuto set it on the floor. It vanished through the small crack between the wooden barrier and the stone floor.
“All right!” Kabuto readjusted his glasses.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“KABUTO, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!” Orochimaru screamed in desperation, “HELP!! HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!!”
Jiraiya grinned at his victim, “It's been far too long…”
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! KAAABBUUUTTTTOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“ARGH!” Jiraiya snarled as a small snake bit his ankle. He promptly squished it, and the thing wailed and vanished in a poof of smoke.
The door exploded. Kabuto didn't even consider attacking Gamabunta; instead, he aimed several kunai at the scroll of summoning. The toad vanished.
“KABUTO!! GET HIM OFF!!!!”
The genin threw himself onto the toad summoner with a growl, managing to snag the sannin's hair. He yanked hard, and Jiraiya roared in pain, turning to flatten the weaker ninja.
… Which was a very stupid idea, for Orochimaru managed to slip away.
Suddenly, Jiraiya was assailed, not only by Kabuto, but also by a halberd-wielding snake summoner and his reptilian allies as well.
“Uh… I think I'll go, then!” he said, a bit nervous.
Kabuto was still trying to rip the man's hair from his scalp in a blind rage. Jiraiya struggled away from the medic and made a strategic retreat.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
A very pale Gaara stumbled out of Iruka and Kakashi's room, clutching a bottle of something in his right hand. His normally narrowed eyes were now unbelievably wide, and he seemed to shake subconsciously as he closed the door behind him.
The taijutsu specialist blinked when he noticed the Kazekage's presence. “Gaara-san! There you… are you all right?”
“Ah… yeah,” replied the other hastily, not really wanting to talk about it as he looped an arm around Lee's elbow and dragged him to their quarters, closing the door behind them. The few who remained awake stared at them before shrugging, each of them heading to bed.
At this point, Jiraiya quickly exited Orochimaru's room, looking a bit peeved. His white brows furrowed gently as he rubbed his head. “Geesh, talk about touchy… oh well, I'll have my fun some other time.”
“…” Neji blinked before shutting his own door.
 
{In Gaara's Room}
 
After closing the door, Gaara cleared his throat and looked around.
“Uh… Gaara-san, what is that you have in your hand?” Lee asked as he examined the tube in the other's grasp.
The Kazekage sweat-dropped. “Ah… nothing important, Lee. Don't worry about it.”
There was a pause as the leaf ninja blinked in confusion. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah… ah, Lee, would you mind sitting on the bed for a moment? I'm going to go use the bathroom.”
Lee obeyed and sat down, still looking a bit confused as he watched the other unhook his gourd and set it in one of the corners before heading into the bathroom. Even as he closed the door behind him, he continued to stare at the tiny bottle in his hand as if it were his death wish. He wasn't completely sure he could do this…
“Ok, Gaara,” Kakashi sat up as he began to tug off his pants, making Iruka whimper, as he knew what was coming. “This is the most necessary part of everything. If you don't do this, it's like putting the frosting on the cake… without the cake. You can't have good cake if there's no cake to begin with, right, Iruka?”
“…” Iruka had no clue what the other was going on about. “Sure…”
“Right, this is the cake part,” the copy ninja smiled as he then took off his boxers as well, positioning himself before the chuunin's entrance. He pulled out a bottle and took off the cap, squeezing some sort of clear gel onto his fingers and rubbing it along his shaft. After finishing, he closed the tube and tossed it to Gaara. “You'll need this, otherwise, Lee will be hurting… a lot…”
The sand ninja paled as he watched onward…
“Now hold still, Iruka.”
“… ARRRGG!!”
Gaara's mouth dropped.
The Kazekage clutched the bottle tighter as he undid the lid, bringing the tube up so he could smell at it out of curiosity, and he immediately wrinkled his nose. Strange stuff… I wonder how it tastes…
“Blech!” Gaara made a face as he instantly began to rinse out his mouth. Tasting it was an unwise decision. The stuff was definitely not made for eating.
“Um… Gaara-san?” came a voice from outside the door, although it seemed that Lee was still on the bed. “Is everything all right in there?”
“Just fine…” replied the redheaded ninja as he spat into the sink again, grimacing. “I… ah… accidentally swallowed a bug.”
There was a pause.
“… Ok, if you say so.” Lee leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes gently, completely unaware of what was in store for him.
 
{In Sasuke's Room}
 
*Grope*
“… Naruto… I'm trying to sleep,” Sasuke swiped at his `visitor' absently, his eyes still closed.
*Grope*
Sasuke growled in irritance, “Damn it, Naruto… Go away.”
Then he felt something odd… like rope snaking around his wrists.
“What the hell are you-” Sasuke's eyes shot open, and to his shock…
Itachi's glittering crimsons burned down upon him, blinking cautiously as he watched his brother struggle against his bonds.
“WHAT THE-” A piece of duct tape slapped over his mouth to shut him up.
“Breathe through your nose,” grunted the criminal as he slowly began to undress himself. Sasuke's eyes widened in horror.
 
{Back to Kakashi…}
 
The door opened slowly as a silver-haired figure poked his head out, glancing around the room to see if any one else was awake. Of course, everyone had gone to bed, save for Shikamaru, who was looking out the window, but he didn't seem to notice Kakashi slip out, dragging a worn out Iruka along with him. Eyes shifted carefully before the jonin made a run for the kitchen. Iruka just flopped along wearily.
 
{Secret Agent Man}
 
Iruka: Kakashi… where are we going?
Kakashi: Mmm… I dunno. I just felt like coming out of that room. It smelled a lot like-
Iruka: … Don't say anything. I know what it smelt like.
Kakashi: - Pudding!
Iruka: …………
 
ANBU Squad Leader: There's a man who leads a life of danger!
To everyone he meets, he stays a stranger!
With every move he makes, another chance he takes,
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow!
 
ANBU Squad: Secret agent man, secret agent man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
 
Jiraiya looks out from his room, obviously having heard Kakashi exit his room. He watches and follows along, sneaking after them with the ANBU Members.
 
Jiraiya: Beware of pretty faces that you find!
A pretty face can hide an evil mind!
Ah, be careful what you say,
Or you'll give yourself away!
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow!
 
Jiraiya and ANBU Squad: Secret agent man, secret agent man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
 
Kakashi looks around as he opens up an air vent that seemed to lead somewhere, and then drags Iruka inside with him. The ANBU Squad and Jiraiya follow them.
 
Jiraiya and the ANBU Squad: Secret agent man, secret agent man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
 
ANBU Member #4: Swinging on the Riviera one day,
ANBU Member #2: And then laying in the Bombay alley next day!
ANBU Squad Leader: Oh no, you let the wrong word slip,
Jiraiya: While kissing persuasive lips!
Jiraiya and ANBU Members: The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow!
 
Jiraiya and the ANBU Squad: Secret agent man, secret agent man!
They've given you a number and taken away your name!
 
Jiraiya and ANBU Leader: Secret agent man!
 
{End}
 
Kakashi smiled as he dropped down from the air vent they had snuck through, helping his brunette down as well. The copy ninja's face was radiating with… something weird…
“Kakashi… where are we?” The lights were off, so no one was able to see. “Is there a light switch somewhere?”
There was the shuffling of feet before a click sounded, and Iruka had to cover his eyes from the sudden blinding light. “Gah… well, there's the li-……….”
“What?” Kakashi smiled innocently.
From inside the vent, Jiraiya had the lead and was refusing to let any of the ANBU Members get through. He was too busy drooling, and didn't even seem to notice that there were frustrated snarls and complaints sounding behind him.
“I can't see!” said one ANBU guy.
Another whined, “Are we moving?”
“Ew! I just touched something squishy!”
“Might have been a spider.”
“EWW!!”
“Dude, you're such a wimp.”
“No, that wasn't a spider. That was my dick.”
“…………..” All of the ANBU Members went deadly silent.
“You're not… wearing your pants?” asked someone warily.
“YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!” Iruka backed against a wall, his eyes wide in horror as he stared around him in a frantic matter. To his utter shock, the whole room was filled with…
Kakashi beamed as he nodded at all of the sex toys. “I found this place earlier today.”
“NOOOO!!”
Jiraiya got a sudden idea…
 
{Meanwhile… Dude, Author 1… Don't you think you're overdoing it? - Author 2 …You were the one who suggested it be filled with sex toys. Who are you trying to blame it on, eh? EH?! -Author 1 … //// … You just had to tell them, didn't you… - Author 2}
 
Gaara was pacing the length of the bathroom, trying to rack up an extra ounce of courage he didn't think he had. He wasn't quite sure what to do, or more like how to do it. Sure, Kakashi had showed him, but… it just wasn't the same. There was an insurmountable difference between watching someone do something and doing it yourself.
But waiting sure wasn't going to do any good, so he might as well do it now.
Opening the door carefully, he poked his head out to find Lee eagle-spread on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He seemed to be having some sort of serious train of thought, and it took a while for the leaf ninja to notice the returning presence.
“Gaara-san.” The Kazekage was acknowledged with a nod.
Gaara swallowed before closing the bathroom door behind him, nodding back to the other as he made his way to the mattress. His thoughts were still swarming around his head and refusing to settle on anything.
The taijutsu specialist blinked and began to sit up to watch the other's advance, but his vision was suddenly clouded as sand erupted from out of nowhere and swallowed the bed completely. Lee became a little slack-jawed.
“Um… Gaara-san…” came the faint, muffled voice from inside the sand cocoon, “Is there a reason the bed is encased in sand? I cannot see…”
At first, no reply came as the black-haired leaf ninja looked about agitatedly, trying to figure out what was going on. The ebony eyes cast about in an attempt to observe his `new' surroundings, although the only thing that was very different was that he couldn't see anything that was around or past the mattress he sat on. It was as if the bed was entombed under the desert.
“…” Then a hand began to melt through one side of the sand, followed by the rest of the arm and eventually, Gaara himself. “I have reasons of my own for doing this… please forgive me.”
 
{The rest of the scene has been edited for your viewing pleasure. Here is the abridged version. Thank you. - Author 1 … Hahaha… You sound like one of those PBS commercial thingies… - Author 2}
 
“Forgive you for what?”
“I don't know what I'm doing.”
Long bout of silence…
“Owwie…”
“Sorry…”
“*Whine. *”
 
{Here is the real version.}
 
“Wha? Forgive you for what?” Lee's fuzzy brows furrowed in confusion before he suddenly found himself pinned to the mattress with a feral-looking, sex-deprived sand ninja looming over him. His eyes widened considerably. “G-Gaara-san?”
“I don't know what I'm doing,” admitted the other faintly as he began to unclothe himself, absently chucking the articles through a hole in the sand that would occasionally appear when he wanted it to. “Just… relax, I suppose.”
“Uh…” Lee wasn't sure what he was supposed to be relaxing for.
In a matter of seconds, the Kazekage had fully unclothed himself and was now towering over the other with a confused look in his jade orbs. Lee could only blink as he reached out and tugged off his sandals, throwing them through the sand barrier as well. The way Gaara was going about it made it seem as if he was extremely nervous, and his unease only increased as he struggled with the removal of Lee's suit. Lee stared at him carefully before sitting up to help. He didn't need his new clothes ruined, figuring that there probably wasn't a third suit lying under the bed.
Then they were both fully exposed, staring at each other dumbly as if to ask the other what was going to happen next… Although one of them knew what was supposed to happen, and the other still had absolutely no clue as to why they were both nude and buried in sand. Gaara's face was mixed with confusion and determination as he reached for the bottle of lubricant that he had previously set on the end of the bed, twisting off the cap and tossing it out of the cocoon. The clear gel met his fingers as he set down the tube and turned to his partner, blinking cautiously before he began to copy what Kakashi had done, letting the cool substance cover his awakening member. The process was more than a little nerve-wracking for both of the young ninja.
“A-are you…?” Lee shivered as his hands were gently pressed to the headboard and bound there with sand, keeping the skilled taijutsu user from retaliating.
The only reply Gaara could muster was a simple nod, hands reaching to press apart the other's legs and hold them up with sand. Only then did he begin to lubricate the trembling boy's entrance; the first finger entered gently, wiggling around just a bit to make sure it didn't cause the other any pain, and a second was added as soon as a groan sounded from above. The two digits worked together, scissoring lightly before a third joined them.
Lee winced as the third entered, trying not to let the pain show on his face. “Geh…”
“Sorry…” After preparing the leaf ninja, Gaara swallowed and gathered every ounce of courage that he could muster before positioning himself before the other. His jade orbs bore down into the ebony ones as he then asked, “You ready, Lee?”
Wow… this is even better than killing people… Gaara thought to himself with an inward smile.
“I-I guess…” Lee wasn't so sure they should be doing this. Gai-Sensei is going to kill meeeeee…
Both gasped as the Kazekage entered in slowly, the one on top squeezing his eyes shut as to hide the enormous amount of tension that had built up in his emerald orbs. He was frozen, half-afraid that he was going to hurt the other or cause something to go wrong, but he was brought back by a whimper sounding from Lee. “G-Gaara-san…”
“Onegai… just call me Gaara.”
“… Gaara…”
“Eh…” Then he slowly began to build a pace, pulling out before sliding back in easily thanks to the amount of lube he had used… Which was quite considerable due to the fact that Gaara wasn't quite sure he was ready to do something like this, but a… feeling inside him drove him onwards. The rhythm gradually began to increase, and after a time, both ninja were drenched in sweat and gasping for air as the feeling turned from awkward to incredible. “Gahh…”
THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN KILLING A THOUSAND PEOPLE!!!! Gaara's head spun in ecstasy. This was by far the most pleasurable thing he'd ever experienced.
Lee hissed as he arched gently, “G-Gaara…”
“L…” The word refused to leave the Kazekage's lips, as he was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling he'd never had before. It was something he instantly began to like- a dull hum within his lower regions... One of his pale hands reached for Lee's neglected manhood, and he shakily took it in his hold and stroked it in time with his aimed thrusts. It seemed that he had found a certain spot in Lee that was making the Handsome Devil of Konoha nearly scream out- not in pain, but in desperate pleasure. It wasn't long before the boy came onto Gaara's stomach just as the other came inside him. The feeling was one neither wanted to let fade any time soon.
Gaara hissed as he slumped, falling upon the other as he slid out, gasping for air. “Haa… haa…”
“S-so… why did you… put up the sand?” The other asked after a while.
“Walls… aren't entirely… soundproof…” came the reply. Screw killing people. I've found a new reason for existence. What was this called again? Kakashi called it…. Oh yeah. Sex. Must remember that.
 
{Ok, the scene's over, you stupid people who can't handle yaoi. By the way, those of you with queasy stomachs… you suck. -Author 1… You're so funny! Hardeeharharhar! Yay! Pirate laugh!!! Oh, and don't forget homophobes! They suck, too! Dang homophobes! -Author 2}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Itachi dragged his limp captive out of the room, throwing a cautious gaze about and noticing with mild irritance that the stoner kid was still up.
“Clouds!” Shikamaru gazed out the window, a lopsided grin on his face.
Sasuke made a muffled sound, and the teen blinked and turned about.
“Yo, Sasuke…” Shikamaru frowned, “Why are you all tied up?” Another muffled sound came, although Shikamaru seemed to understand it. “Oh, I see.”
Sasuke scowled darkly.
“Why are you still up?” growled the Konoha criminal, narrowing his Sharingan eyes as he took a step forward. A hand was slowly reaching towards the katana at his side.
“Meh… you can just leave, if you want,” replied the boy, yawning boredly as he pointed somewhere.
Itachi's eyes widened as he looked to where the other was indicating. “… Why the hell didn't we see that before?! We're a bunch of retards!”
A few minutes later, Shikamaru blinked in sudden clarity, “… Bye-bye…” and then passed out.
 
{Meanwhile… YAY!!!! I get to write this part!!!! … Um… Oh, dear… - Author 2}
 
“Oh… they're coming back!” Jiraiya hissed, “Go back before we're caught!”
There was a series of curses and yelps as the ANBU squad struggled to get out of the vent as quickly as possible. Jiraiya slid into a side vent and peered towards the room stealthily.
Kakashi appeared with a half-coherent Iruka slung over one shoulder. The chuunin had been gagged and stuffed into… a dolphin costume…
“My poeh wittle Iwuka is all woen out!” Kakashi cooed to himself. Iruka didn't even respond, “I'd betta' put wittle Iwuka to bed so he can get some sweeeep and pway some moeh tomaahwoah.”
Jiraiya waited for the two to leave, and then he began to explore the vents, hoping to find one that led to a `certain someone's' room.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Kabuto slipped into the bathroom, half-asleep, glasses askew. He sighed and shut the door before flipping the light on…
And something that felt suspiciously like a cloth soaked in chloroform came over his nose and mouth. He put up a good fight, but his assailant was far stronger than he was, and he soon slumped to the tiled floor, unconscious.
Orochimaru blinked sleepily as the bathroom door opened and light flashed across his face, “… Kabuto?”
There was no answer.
“… Kabuto? What is…” Some sixth sense told him to look up, and to his horror, Jiraiya was striding confidently towards him.
“Your boy-toy is taking a nap… How rude of him!” Orochimaru could feel Jiraiya's devious smirk upon him, “Oh, well! I can keep you company in the meantime!”
“No…” the snake summoner whispered faintly, “… Not again… noooo!!!”
Orochimaru lost complete control when the toad sage grabbed him.
“NNNOOOOO!!!!!!! HHHEEEELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!” He grabbed a lamp and smashed it against the wall that he shared with Sasuke, “HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!! MMMMPPPPHHHH!!!!!!!”
Jiraiya promptly shoved some object into his mouth, then tied a cloth about his face. Orochimaru struggled fiercely, but the pervert was sitting on him, and he was damn heavy.
To the evil sannin's shock, Jiraiya tangled him up in his own blankets and then hoisted him up like a sack of rice. Now completely covered in fabric, blinded and bound so he could barely move.
The toad sage put him down for a moment, he knew, then lifted him up again and began walking hunched over.
After a minute or two that felt like an eternity in hell, Orochimaru found himself glaring up at a grinning Jiraiya in an unfamiliar place.
“Why don't you take a look around, old pal!” the pervert giggled maniacally, “We're gonna be here for awhile, after all!”
Orochimaru hesitated, then swiveled his head about. And what he saw was enough to make anyone scream like a schoolgirl in terror. “MRRRRPPPHHHHHH!!!!!”
“So… Where should we start?” The sage seemed to completely ignore him as he began tossing things around randomly, his mind not quite made up yet. His hand went from one thing to another, and it was obvious that Orochimaru was beginning to turn into a puddle of goo. “Condoms are soooo old fashioned, and these weird things are boring. We need something dramatic, you know?”
 
{The rest of the scene has been edited, because… it needs to be edited. The following conversation would be considered NC-17. -Author 1 … You… are so mean… - Author 2}
 
{Here's the abridged version of the conversation.}
 
“We could use this…”
“…”
“Or this….”
“!”
“Sure, we'll use it later.”
“*Sob*”
“I don't have STDs. Do you?”
“Mmmrrress.”
“?”
“…”
“Oh well, guess we'll find out!”
“!!!!!!!!!!!”
 
{Here's the real version. Trust me, it's better than that stupid little abridged one I just did. Compared to that, the abridged one is wimpy. -Author 1}
 
“-Of course, we could always use this weird-looking vibrator. Looks kind of like one of those pads you put on the middle of women's panties. Oh, speaking of which, did you know they make scented ones now?” Jiraiya smiled as he held up something that resembled the object he was talking about. “Oh! Did you know that they have vibrators that you can put in, and then walk around with in public without people even knowing you have them?”
The evil sannin didn't reply.
“Well, I guess we could skip the vibrators-”
Orochimaru looked up hopefully.
“-and go straight to this thing.” The sage held up a large metal ring that looked too large to be worn on a finger. “This handy trinket keeps one from spilling one's seed until it's taken off. Cool, huh?”
Orochimaru's head fell to rest upon his own chest, tears streaming out of his eyes.
“Mmm, sure! We'll use it later!” Jiraiya kept the item in his hand before casting his perverted gaze around the room some more. “Man, I have to hand it to Kakashi. If I didn't hear him leave his room and drag Iruka here, then I would have never found this place!”
DAMN YOU, KAKASHI!!!!!!!!!!! The snake commander made a mental note to `visit' the copy ninja once he got out of this mess… if that was ever going to happen…
“Now, we need to figure out what kind of fruit you like. That way I can feed you mouth-to-mouth! Ahh, I've always wanted to do that, especially with you, pal. Two men sharing a meal…”
GROSS!! Orochimaru howled to himself.
“It's a good thing I don't have STDs.”
“…”
“Do you have STDs?”
“Mmmrress.”
“???”
“…”
“Oh well, guess we'll find out!”
“!!!!!!!!!!”
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“… Gaara?”
“… Yes?”
“Would… w-would… would you…”
Gaara's mouth twitched, “This again?”
Lee hesitated, then, “…Wouldyousingformeplease?”
“… What?” Gaara lifted his head up, not sure if he'd just imagined the odd murmur he'd heard.
Lee didn't seem to be able to speak any louder, so the Kazekage ended up leaning in close to let the taijutsu expert hiss it in his ear.
“… Sure… Why didn't you just ask?”
“… ////…”
 
{All For You}
 
Gaara: Finally I figured out,
But it took a long, long time.
Now there's a turnabout,
Maybe `cause I'm trying…
Gaara: There's been times-
Lee: I am so confused.
Gaara: Down my road,
Lee: Will it lead to you?
Gaara: I just can't turn and-
Gaara and Lee: Walk away!

Gaara and Lee: It's hard to say what it is I see in you!
Gaara: Wonder-
Gaara and Lee: If I'll always be with you!
Words can't say it, I can't do,
Enough to prove, it's all for you!

Gaara: And I thought I'd seen it all,
'Cause it's been a long, long time.
Oh, bothered that we'll trip and fall,
Wondering if I'm blind.

Gaara: There's been times-
Lee: I am so confused.
Gaara: Down my road,
Lee: Will it lead to you?
Gaara: I just can't turn, you'll-
Gaara and Lee: Walk away!

Gaara and Lee: It's hard to say what it is I see in you!
Gaara: Wonder-
Gaara and Lee: If I'll always be with you!
Words can't say it, I can't do,
Enough to prove, it's all for you!

Gaara: Rain comes pouring down,
Lee: Pouring down…
Gaara: Falling from blue skies.
Lee: Falling from blue skies!
Gaara: Words made out of sound,
Gaara and Lee: Coming from your eyes!
 
Gaara: Finally I figured out,
But it took a long, long time.
Oh, now there's a turnabout,
Maybe `cause I'm trying…
Gaara: There's been times-
Lee: I am so confused.
Gaara: Down my road,
Lee: Will it lead to you?
Gaara: I just can't turn and-
Gaara and Lee: Walk away!

Gaara and Lee: It's hard to say what it is I see in you!
Gaara: Wonder-
Gaara and Lee: If I'll always be with you!
Words can't say it, I can't do,
Enough to prove, it's all for you!

Gaara: Well, it's-
Gaara and Lee: Hard to say what it is I see in you!
Gaara: Wonder-
Gaara and Lee: If I'll always be with you!
Words can't say it, I can't do,
Enough to prove, it's all for you!

Gaara: Whoa, it's hard to say…
Whoa, it's hard to say, it's all for you!
 
{End}
 
“… That was very nice, Gaara,” Lee beamed a bit as he watched the other through his charcoal eyes, a smile melting onto his lips. “I would not mind having you sing for me some other time as well.”
“Sure…” Gaara paused momentarily. “Lee… I want more.”
“More? More what?”
“Get down on the bed.”
“… Get down on the- wait a minute…”
“Bed. Now.”
“But… but I am tired! I am already going to be sore in the morning as it is!”
“Well, I'm not tired. Get on the bed.”
“*Sob. *”
 
{Meanwhile… Well, you almost feel bad for Lee. -Author 2 … Almost… -Author 1}
 
“My, you look absolutely darling in that maid costume, pal!” Jiraiya smiled as he stood back to admire his work, which just so happened to be Orochimaru placed in what seemed to be a very, very skimpy maid's outfit. The evil sannin looked unconvinced.
A mirror was suddenly shoved in the snake commander's face. “Look for yourself!”
Orochimaru shut his eyes.
“… Ok, fine. I guess we'll have to move on to the next part. If you don't mind, since you're going to be posing for me for my next Icha Icha Paradise book, I want you to kind of… heh heh… spread your legs a bit. Women's panties are a big hit with the men these days.”
The sage received a very annoyed glare from his old companion. “Why are you looking at me like that? Are you still feeling guilty for the whole `STD' incident?”
Another glare was received.
“… Well, I don't feel like anything strange is going on inside me, so I think you're off the hook, Orochimaru. We're men, and manly men don't get STDs!”
The other seemed to sigh out of irritance.
 
{Back in Kakashi's room…}
 
It had taken some time, but Iruka finally decided that sleeping was better than suffering through another round of Kakashi's torturous methods. Still stuffed in the dolphin outfit, he lay nestled within the covers with the Sharingan user snuggled around him protectively, still watching with a careful eye.
“Heh… he's just too precious,” chuckled the jonin as he stroked the fuzzy costume fondly, stopping to play with Iruka's chestnut strands after a while of silence. It began to make him wonder what life was going to do for them in the future, and his last thoughts scavenged about the possibilities as he too drifted off into a deep sleep aside his lover.
 
{Outside…}
 
Asuma yawned as he played his last pair of sharks, giving Kurenai a triumphant smile before saying to her, “I win again.”
“This is stupid!” growled the female jonin. “We've played almost every card game you can think of: Uno, Skipbo, Old Maid, Crazy 8s, Lucky 7's, Hearts, War, Poker, Go Fish, Solitaire, Spider Solitaire, Phase 10, Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh… although I didn't understand that one very well… Pokemon-”
“At least you won on one of those.”
“-Lucky B, Egyptian Rat Screw, Free-cell, Munchkin, Killer Bunny and the Quest for the Magic Carrot, and… uh, what's it called? … Oh, yeah! Memory!”
Asuma put his head in his hands, “… You're hopeless.”
“WELL, AT LEAST I KICKED YOUR BUTT AT POKEMON!!!!!”
“Oh, Gods, why?!” Sarutobi's son moaned.
“IT'S BECAUSE I'M A POKEMON MASTER!!!!!!!!!”
“… Uh… What?”
 
{??? … Yeah… we're weird… - Author 2}
 
Kurenai: I wanna be the very best,
Like no one ever was!
To catch them is my real test,
To train them is my cause!
 
ANBU Members: Ooooh!
 
Kurenai: I will travel across the land,
Searching far and wide!
Each Pokemon to understand-
The power that's inside…
 
ANBU Members: Pokemon! Gotta catch em all!
Kurenai: It's you and me…
Kurenai and ANBU Members: I know it's my destiny!
ANBU Members: Pokemon!
Kurenai: Ooooh, you're my best friend,
Kurenai and ANBU Members: In a world we must defend!
ANBU Members: Pokemon! Gotta catch em all!
Kurenai: A heart so true!
Kurenai and ANBU Members: Our courage will pull us through!
You teach me and I'll teach you,
Pokemon!
 
Kurenai and ANBU Members: Gotta catch `em all!
 
Kurenai: Every challenge along the way,
With courage, I will face!
I will battle every deed,
And claim my rightful place!
 
ANBU Members: Oooooh!
 
Kurenai: Come with me, the time is right!
There's no better team!
On and on, we'll win the fight!
It's always been a dream!
 
ANBU Members: Pokemon! Gotta catch em all!
Kurenai: It's you and me…
Kurenai and ANBU Members: I know it's my destiny!
ANBU Members: Pokemon!
Kurenai: Ooooh, you're my best friend,
Kurenai and ANBU Members: In a world we must defend!
ANBU Members: Pokemon! Gotta catch em all!
Kurenai: A heart so true!
Kurenai and ANBU Members: Our courage will pull us through!
You teach me and I'll teach you,
Pokemon!
 
ANBU Members: Gotta catch `em all!
Kurenai: Gotta catch `em all!
Kurenai and ANBU Members: Pokemon!
 
{End}
 
Asuma stared at her, then stood slowly. He gave her a weak smile, then began sprinting away from the raving woman in terror.
“COME BACK!!!!!!!”
“GO AWAY!!!!”
 
{End of Part 4… This part took forever to complete… Now, then… ONWARD!!! - Author 2}