Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto: The Musical ❯ Part 5 (Gasp! The Final Act! The Grand Finale! The... yeah.) ( Chapter 5 )

He woke to the sound of a shutter clicking, and turned away reflexively as a camera flashed.

“Aww… You moved!” Jiraiya pouted, “Now I have to reposition you!”

Gods damn it all to hell! Orochimaru snarled in his head.

“You know, I get the feeling you don't quite approve of what we're doing here!”

Where on Earth did you get a brilliant idea like that, Prick? But all the sannin could do was growl at the toad summoner.

“What's the big deal, pal?” Jiraiya grinned at him over his camera, “It's not like you didn't expect this.”

I'M GOING TO RIP OPEN HIS CHEST AND EAT HIS STILL-BEATING HEART IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!!!!!

“I mean, we are just animals, after all!”

What does that have to do with anything?!

“As such, fulfilling our basic desires is only natural, and of course, perfectly acceptable!”

That… is the lamest justification for rape that I have ever heard…

 

{Animal}

 

Jiraiya: Hey, what's the big deal?
Tell me how to feel!
I know where we boomeranged and fell from grace!
Point me to the stars; I'm up for the chase!
I know where we fell on our face!
Jump with me!
You jump with me!

Jiraiya: Hey, what's the big deal?
I'm an animal!
Random Toad: The answer landed on my rooftop. Whoa.
Jiraiya: I'm an animal!
Random Toad: The future and the truth, on my rooftop. Whoa.
Jiraiya: I'm an animal!
Random Toad: It's calling me to work it out.
It's calling me to work it out.
Whoa…

Jiraiya: I don't wanna boomerang!
I don't wanna cannonball!
I'm not angling!
I don't want to fall!
Tell me I'm the anchor of my own ascension!
Tell me I'm a tourist in the 4th dimension!

Jiraiya: Hey, what's the big deal?
I'm an animal!
Random Toad: The answer landed on my rooftop. Whoa.
Jiraiya: I'm an animal!
Random Toad: The future and the truth, on my rooftop. Whoa.
Jiraiya: I'm an animal!
Random Toad: It's calling me to work it out.
It's calling me to work it out.
Whoa…

Orochimaru: *Glares. *

Random Toad: Work it out.

Jiraiya: I'm vibrating at the speed of light!
Take my hand, we'll wind up the night!
Spin me, win me, lift me, kiss me,
Trip me, trust me, cuss me, judge me!
Touch me now!
You take my hand!
You trust me now!
You understand!

Orochimaru: …

Jiraiya: Hey, what's the big deal?
I'm an animal!
Random Toad: The answer landed on my rooftop. Whoa.
Jiraiya: I'm an animal!
Random Toad: The future and the truth, on my rooftop. Whoa.
Jiraiya: I'm an animal!
Random Toad: It's calling me to work it out.
It's calling me to work it out.
Whoa…

Jiraiya: I'm vibrating at the speed of light!

 

{End}

 

“…” Orochimaru didn't look at all impressed.

“Right, now let's get down with it! You and me, old style! On the floor!”

 

{The rest of the scene has been edited because Author 1 is some yaoi-craving pervert and can't seem to write enough yaoi for her own good. It's a shame Author 2 can't write yaoi worth crap. -Author 1 … Well… yeah… sadness… HEY! I could if I tried! I'll prove it to you! … maybe… - Author 2}

 

THE FLOOR?!?!?!?

“Put `em up, Orochimaru! Straighten those shoulders a bit!”

“WHAT ARE YOU, A MILITARY OFFICER?!”

“You asking for an interrogation with the Black Ops?”

“NO!”

“Then hush and work with me here, pal!”

“KYYYYYAAAA!!!”

 

{Here's the real one.}

 

THE FLOOR?!?!?!? The dark sannin coughed and sputtered as his gag was suddenly removed and his clothing was deprived from him, still leaving him bound and propped up against the wall awkwardly. He looked too stunned to say anything coherent at the moment.

“All right,” Jiraiya's grin grew even wider as he leaned forward and set the other up straight, trying to make him not look so lop-sided. “Now if you'd do me a favor-“

“DO YOU A FAVOR?!?” snarled the other, a dangerous gleam appearing in his eyes. “I am most certainly not doing you any sort of favor!”

“Aww, you slanted again! Come on, old pal; put `em up! Straighten those shoulders a bit!”

“I'm not straightening anything for you!”

“Straighten that erection!”

“EWW! WHAT ARE YOU, A MILITARY OFFICER?!”

A chuckle sounded from the perverted sage as he crawled forward, undoing his forehead protector and setting it aside so it wouldn't get in the way. “Are you asking for an interrogation with the Black Ops, Orochimaru?”

A dark scowl came upon the other's face. “NO!”

“Then hush and work with me here, pal!” Clothes soon began to join the discarded pile as the white-haired man advanced on his old teammate.

“G-get away from me!” Orochimaru would have struggled, but he couldn't move at all, due to he was quite literally tied to the floor and the wall.

The evil sannin squeaked in horror as a hand came to rest firmly on one of his parted thighs, stroking the soft skin gently as if it had fur. Jiraiya had the strangest look in his eyes, one mixed with lust and even more passion than when he would be caught peeping in the women's bath. “J-Jiraiya, come on… can't this wait?”

“When are you suggesting we do this, then?”

“How about… NEVER?!”

Another squeak sounded as the sage grabbed a hold of the wilted member, gently slipping the ring on and giving the tip of the manhood a slight tweak, gaining an elected moan from the one beneath him.

Hehehe… Jiraiya smirked deviously. It seems Orochimaru still has those hidden hots for me…

It was only a matter of minutes before the poor snake commander was writhing, eyes shut tight out of either pleasure or shame, or perhaps even both. The once wilted organ was now straight and erect, pulsing madly as the one above pleaded for the torture to end, although his cries only fueled the other on more so. A dexterous tongue slithered out to brush against a strawberry nipple, drawing out another series of moans and gasps.

And he still has the same old weak spots… The sage continued to chuckle, swirling his tongue around the nub.

“Gah-hah… hah…. GYAH!!” At that moment, Orochimaru would have most likely orgasmed, but the ring on his erected member was keeping him from doing so, and the torture was beginning to drive the poor and helpless sannin insane. He squirmed at the touches the other performed, nearly in tears at the amazing amount of pressure that was building up in his lower areas, nearly making him explode. Arching his back against the wall, he could only help but whine desperately as Jiraiya prepared himself for entrance.

“Now this is the part where you hold still…” The hermit made it fast, sliding in with almost no problem at all, and the other couldn't hold back the groan that overwhelmed him completely.

“Jiraiya, you idiot bastard…” Orochimaru gasped as his own fingernails dug into the flesh of his palms, drawing a little blood.

“Oh Orochimaru, you know you're going to like it,” grinned the other man, and soon he began to literally pound into the other, making the wall shake every time Orochimaru's poor back came in contact with it.

 

{In Naruto's Room}

 

“Guys, what's that banging noise?” Naruto blinked as he twitched his ears, listening more closely.

Kiba frowned. “I don't want to know.”

“But what if someone's trying to break in and let us out?”

“I highly doubt that is what is going on.”

“Shino's right, Naruto; go to sleep.”

“Grrr…”

 

{Anyways, back to the *cough hack wheeze* scene. -Author 1}

 

“DAMN IT!!” Orochimaru was practically screaming at the top of his lungs, bouncing from the supreme force the other was pounding into him with. “JIRAIYA, JUST TAKE IT OFF!!!!!!!”

“Well… this IS the sixteenth time you've asked… so I guess I'll take it off.” Jiraiya's smile somehow seemed to remain attached to his lips, even during such an obscene time. His fingers slowly reached outwards, despite the fast rate they had been going at, and soon they reached the iron object and quickly pulled it off in time to escape being sprayed.

Orochimaru gasped for air, finally released from the swelling feelings inside his groin and the dull aching in his hands from where his nails breached the surface. His eyes remained shut tight, maybe for the hope that when they reopened, Jiraiya would no longer be there, smiling at him.

He opened his eyes.

“AGH!” He then proceeded to cry while Jiraiya could only grin like the idiot he was.

 

{In the Morning}

 

“I didn't get a wink of sleep last night,” complained Naruto as he sat in the middle of the circular room, brows furrowed deeply. His fox-like eyes scanned around the room to find that once again, he was talking to no one. Either that, or no one bothered to listen.

“You'll never guess what I had a dream about,” Kankuro whispered to Temari, who only looked at him in dull entertainment. “I dreamt that the bug guy-”

Shino stared blankly from over in his corner. “What bug guy?”

Sweat-dropping, Kankuro began to wave his hands around. “Uh… nothing! I was just telling… well, Temari was just telling me that you're a really cool guy! You're very cool!”

“… What?” Shino and Temari asked simultaneously.

Kankuro wanted to hide.

“NO!” Kabuto suddenly burst out of his room, looking about frantically as he pushed up his glasses. His eyes were pathetically wide and it seemed as if he was looking for something. “Where is he?! Where could he have gone?!”

“… What's wrong?” Tsunade looked up briefly.

“I can't find him anywhere…” sobbed the medic, slowly beginning to give up hope. “I was knocked unconscious last night… and when I woke up this morning, Lord Orochimaru was gone. His blankets, too.”

Naruto frowned. “I thought I heard someone screaming last night… Kind of sounded like the old snake-man…”

“WHERE IS HE?!” Kabuto lunged at the kitsune-boy and began to shake him quite harshly, nearly making the other's head fly off his shoulders.

“I DON'T KNOW!!” cried Naruto, trying to stop the vigorous shaking. “I HEARD IT COMING FROM THE KITCHEN!!”

The medic immediately released the other and raced towards the kitchen, yelling something like, “I'M COMING, LORD OROCHIMARU!!!”

Everyone stared blankly at the crazed Kabuto; several had to jump out of his path, avoiding the blind charge of the lone ninja as he sprinted away.

“…” Ibiki blinked as he impaled another beetle on a kunai. He'd built up quite a collection of beetle carcasses over the past few days, and he'd stacked them up in a neat pile by his room. “I wonder what's wrong with him…”

Tsunade scowled. “Look who's talking…”

 

{In Kakashi's Room}

 

“… Kakashi.”

“Mrphhrrph…”

“Wake up, you lazy bastard.”

“Mmm….”

“……………….”

“……….”

“WAKE UP!!”

Kakashi jolted up, only to crash into Iruka and send them both back down onto the mattress, groaning as their heads were rubbed.

“Damn it, Kakashi…” Iruka growled as he squinted at the other, chocolate eyes dark with frustration. “I've been sitting here for the past hour, TRYING to get you up!”

“Oh…” The copy ninja blinked in the most innocent manner he could muster, which was quite good considering how sleepy and tired he appeared to be. “I'm sorry. I'll try and be more awake next time.”

There was a pause as Iruka stared at the other in horror and disbelief from inside the dolphin costume. “… Next time?”

“Well… yes, there's always tomorrow morning.”

“Sometimes I wonder how far your stupidity stretches, Kakashi.”

 

{In Gaara's Room}

 

{The following scene is now known as the abridged version. Yay for it. Here, look at its awesome abridged-ness… -Author 1}

 

“Geh…”

“Gah…”

“…”

“…”

 

{Was that not totally awesome? … Ah… yeah… Here is the real version…}

 

Gaara awoke to a warm purring sensation in his chest. He cast his jade eyes downward to find Lee snuggled tightly against him. He couldn't help but smile slightly. The way the other had his bare arms around the Kazekage's waist, the way their bodies fit together so nicely… as if they were meant for each other, which, in Gaara's opinion, was already true. Lee was his Sexy Beast of Konoha. His, and his alone.

“Hello…” Lee started, but was predictably cut off by Gaara's mouth. They were finally forced apart by the need for air. “… Hmm…”

Gaara began to nibble down the other's jaw, occasionally sucking on the skin and marking it, ensuring that others would know that the Handsome Devil was his. His teeth continued to gnaw against Lee's jaw-line, and it soon passed downward to lick and tease at the taijutsu user's throat, making the boy whimper against the touches.

“Geh…” Lee's face was covered by a thick sleepy blush, and he pulled Gaara closer to him as if to ask for whatever he was being offered. Gaara was quick to comply.

The young Kazekage soon reached a slightly flushed nub, and he began to give it the same treatment that he'd treated Lee's neck with. His tongue swirled around it gently and his lips soon clasped over the nipple, sucking upon it. He was rewarded with a dazed groan from Lee's kiss-swollen lips.

“Gaara…” The plead echoed softly throughout the room, making the Kazekage shiver. “G-Gaara… I am hungry…”

The crimson locks that obscured Gaara's vision were soon pushed aside as he came back up to blink at the other before him. “You are… hungry?”

“Yes…”

“…”

“…”

“… Fine, let's go get you something to eat.”

“Yay!”

 

{Back to the main room…}

 

“Raaaaammeeeennnn,” moaned the hyperactive, knucklehead ninja, rolling about dully on the floor. No one paid attention, nor cared in the least. This only made Naruto whine louder. “RAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!”

“Oh, shut up!” snapped Kiba, throwing the first thing he saw at the blonde ninja… which just so happened to be Temari's giant fan. The large object went flying through the air and pretty much flattened Naruto, grinding him into the carpet. Everyone stared blankly, some entertained while others were uncaring.

“… That's my fan,” Temari turned to glare hollowly at the dog-owner, who glared back defiantly.

“Like I give a damn. Naruto was begging for it.”

“What did you say?”

“I said-”

“Enough, both of you.” Kakashi strode out of his room, book held in front of his nose as he calmly peered over its rim. “You're making so much noise out here that it's verryy hard for Iruka-Sensei to sleep.”

“… I'm not sleeping… This thing is making me feel bloated,” came a retort from inside the room. “Can I take it off now, please?”

“Can you reach the zipper?”

“……………”

“Didn't think so. Just come on out; I'm sure no one will laugh at you.”

There was a moment of furious grumbling before the others found themselves staring at a huge, fuzzy blue dolphin… with Iruka's face. His arms almost seemed too short, as they had to stretch a long distance to get out of the arm holes, only to find themselves stuffed inside funny-looking flippers. The dolphin costume made the poor chuunin look twice his normal size.

“What…” Naruto started.

“The…” Tenten resisted the urge to snort.

“Hell?!” Kisame finished.

Another pause sounded before everyone broke out laughing. Suddenly, the door to Gaara and Lee's room opened to reveal the two of them, both dressed and ready. Their eyes seemed relatively normal until they found their view to everything blocked by a large blue… thing…

“…?” Lee blinked cautiously, reaching out to poke it before Gaara pulled his hand back.

A frown was on the Kazekage's face. “Don't touch it…”

“Huh?” Iruka turned around towards the voice, only to accidentally hit Gaara and send him flying across the room.

“Gaara!” Kankuro yelped as he attempted to run after his brother, but Iruka again turned around and hit the sibling with his large stuffed body. The puppet master was soon piled on top of the redhead.

“Ugh…” Gaara gasped slightly as his back was shoved into his gourd.

“No!” Lee leapt onto the clearly evil dolphin and began hammering its head with blows. Luckily for Iruka, the costume cushioned every strike so effectively that he didn't even realize he was being attacked.

“Did I hit someone?!” Iruka turned sharply again, and Lee soared off and landed in a heap a few feet away from the sand brothers.

“Ra-ramen?” came a voice at Iruka's feet… “RaAHH!” The kitsune teen crashed into Lee.

“Ow!” There was a sharp cracking noise, and Gaara's eyes shot over to Lee, riddled with concern.

Shino blinked and then scrambled away in shock as Iruka stumbled and then whacked him up into the air with a soft `thwack'.

“AGH!!” Kankuro and Gaara both winced as the bug-tamer smashed into them. Poor Gaara felt his spine grind painfully against the gourd, and then regretfully turned it into a heap of sand to cushion himself.

Kakashi walked towards Iruka carefully, “Uh… Iruka… maybe you should stoaaahhh!!!” The jonin landed on Naruto. Lee whimpered.

“Kakashi? Where'd you go?” Iruka spun about and smashed into Gai.

“AAAHHH!!!!” He fell onto Shino, who nearly vomited at the force of the impact.

“Iruka, nOOOOHHHH!!!!” Tsunade found herself on top of Kakashi.

“Ah! I cannot breathe!” Lee gasped weakly.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?!” Iruka snapped.

“STOP MOVING!!” The few who weren't having their lives crushed out of them shouted.

“???” Iruka looked puzzled, but he stopped.

“H-help…” Lee was going rather blue.

“Get off!” Gaara snarled at the ones above him.

Kankuro went rather pale, “Gaara, I think the Shino dude is unconscious.”

“I can't come down!” Gai wailed, “I don't like heights!”

“You idiot…” Gaara growled, “Lee's suffocating.”

“What?!” Gai looked down at the other pile.

“S-sensei…”

“LEE!!!” Gai leapt off the younger ninja and ripped Tsunade and Kakashi off of his student, throwing Naruto to the side.

Kankuro rolled over, managing to get both himself and Shino off of the thoroughly annoyed Kazekage, who let out a hiss of relief.

“Lee!!! Are you all right?!” Gai shook his dazed protégé fiercely, “Do you need CPR?!”

“N-no…”

“Get out of the way, idiot!” The Kazekage grabbed Gai by his collar and threw him aside so he could bend down to wrap his arms lightly around Lee, nearly shocking all of the others by his random act of kindness. Kankuro seemed to be the only one who didn't find it strange.

“S-still cannot breathe…” Lee gasped.

Gaara pulled back and frowned, “… You've broken something…”

“Let me look at him,” Tsunade stumbled over. She put a hand on his ribs, “Yeah, three. Ouch.” Light flooded from her fingers into Lee, and his breathing became easier.

“I want ramen!” Naruto began to cry.

“WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS THING?!”

Everyone save Naruto, Gaara, and Lee turned to stare at Iruka. Kakashi limped over, wheezing, and fumbled with the zipper. And to their horror, he was bare underneath.

“… I'm going back to sleep…” Iruka muttered, and then slammed the door behind him.

“I WANT RAMEN!!!” Naruto screeched.

“I am still hungry…” Lee whispered to Gaara as the leaf ninja ranted.

“Kitchen…” The two vanished.

“RAMEN!!!!!!!”

“SHUT UP!” Kiba snarled.

“RRRRRAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEENNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!” ;

 

{??? MYSTERY!!! WHOOOO!!!! - Author 2}

 

Naruto pulls out a cell phone and punches in a number. Someone answers.

 

Naruto: Hey, Jiraiya. It's Naruto. I can't come out tonight. No, I can't. I'm going out tonight with this girl. Her name is Ramen… real cute. I've got to go, see ya!

 

Kiba: … What is he talking about?

Naruto: I know a girl who's tough but sweet!
She's so fine; she can't be beat!
She's got everything that I desire!
Sets the summer fun on fire!

Naruto: I want Ramen! I want Ramen!
I want Ramen! I want Ramen!

Naruto: Go to see her when the sun goes down!
Ain't no finer girl in town!
You're my girl, what the doctor ordered!
So sweet, you make my mouth water!

Naruto: Ohhhh!
I want Ramen! I want Ramen!
I want Ramen! I want Ramen!

ANBU Squad: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Naruto: Ramen on the beach, there's nothing better,
But I like ramen when it's wrapped in a sweater!
Someday soon I'll make you mine,
Then I'll have ramen all the time!

Naruto: Ohhhhh!

I want Ramen! I want Ramen!
I want Ramen! I want Ramen!

Naruto: Ramen in the morning time!
Ramen in the hot sunshine!
Ramen, baby can't you see?
All I want are your noodlies!

All I want are your noodlies!

Naruto: All I want are your noodlies!

All I want are your noodlies!

All I want are your noodlies!

All I want are your noodlies!
ANBU Squad: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Naruto: All I want are your noodlies!

 

{End}

 

{Meanwhile}

 

Gaara and Lee entered the kitchen to find Kabuto clawing at the wall.

“NO!!! I KNOW HE'S HERE!!! MASTER!!!!” the medic wailed as he threw himself against the barrier. “Ow! MASTER!!! … Ow! I'M COMING TO… OW! SAVE YOOOUU!!!!”

He then ran into the wall headfirst and knocked himself out.

“… That's… weird…” Gaara commented.

“Oh, well!” Lee walked around, grabbing various foodstuffs.

The young Kazekage looked around briefly as he waited for the other to retrieve his snacks, and only then did he notice something in the upper right hand corner of the room.

“Mmm?” Lee saw Gaara's pause in movements and turned to look in the same direction… and saw something sticking out of a large air vent that seemed to be slightly pried open, as if it had been used before.

“Gaara, what is that?” The taijutsu master blinked and walked forward to reach for the object, yanking it out and staring at it curiously. “It looks like… a plastic thing.”

“Perhaps we should ask Kakashi about it…” answered the sand ninja quietly, as if fearing that someone would hear them. Lee seemed puzzled.

“Why the masochist?”

“… Just ask him.”

“… Oh, ok.”

 

{Somewhere in a one-sided paradise…}

 

Orochimaru groaned in pain as he came to his senses, eyes peeling themselves open to glance around drowsily, perhaps hoping to be able to identify where he was. He could distinguish a large blob wrapped around his own form, keeping him effectively trapped in what seemed to be a quite possessive embrace. The soft feeling underneath him had the sannin guessing he was in a bed, a very comfortable one; the same tickling feeling brushed across his shoulders, and with a wretched groan, Orochimaru turned his head around to find strands of snow white draped across his being.

The perverted sage had his face buried in the crook of Orochimaru's neck and shoulder, spooning the other in a cuddly manner. A smile was still faint on his lips from last night's activities.

“Mm…” Jiraiya nearly purred, his Adam's Apple vibrating against the trapped man and nearly making Orochimaru purr as well… for some reason or another.

A sudden pain in his lower areas made the evil sannin wince and mutter several curse words under his breath.

“Oh, Orochimaru… You still haven't learned, have you?”

“… I hate you.”

 

{Meanwhile}

 

“QUIT KILLING MY BEETLES!!!” Shino snarled at Ibiki, “I NEED THEM!!!”

“… Oh, they're yours?”

The bug master groaned, “Why?! Why me?!”

“You should like… lay him flat if it bothers you that much…” Kankuro commented.

“… That's a good idea.”

WHACK!!!

“Owwie…” Ibiki's eyes rolled into his head, and he fell to the floor.

“Buzzz buzz…”

“You're welcome.”

Lee walked over to Kakashi, who was sulking due to the fact that Iruka had gone to sleep- and had locked the door behind him.

“I have a question, Kakashi-Sensei…” Lee stated.

“… What?” the jonin muttered glumly.

“Well… actually, I do not have it with me… you would have to come into the kitchen.”

“…” But Kakashi stood and followed him all the same, `Icha Icha Paradise' stuck in front of his nose.

 

{Meanwhile}

 

“… Ugh…”

Gaara poked Kabuto with his sand, “Are you awake?”

“Meh… uhm… AH! LORD O-OROCHIMARU!!!” Kabuto shot up.

“… You are, then.” Gaara poked him harder, “Stop shouting. He's obviously not here. Go look somewhere else.”

Kabuto considered his advice for a moment, then nodded and ran out of the kitchen, squeezing by Lee and Kakashi.

“What is it now?” the copy ninja sighed.

“We were wondering what this thing is.” Lee replied.

Kakashi's glum face vanished, replaced by a rather evil expression.

“I see… where did you find it?” he asked, once lazy eyes glimmering with a deadly aura that would have even scared Gai.

The taijutsu user pointed to the slightly open vent.

“……” Kakashi looked at the place the boy was indicating, and then his face expression vanished when he realized what this probably meant. “Excuse me for a second…”

The skilled jonin made a few quick hands signs and then vanished in a puff of smoke.

 

A few seconds later, he appeared in front of a very shocked Orochimaru and an overly excited Jiraiya. “Kakashi, hello!”

“… Oh, it was only you two,” sighed the man in relief as he put a hand to his head, wiping the sweat away. “I was afraid someone else had found this room… but I guess that- hey, Orochimaru, what are you doing here?”

“…………” There was a long bout of silence from the sannin before he growled out, “It's not like I came here willingly.”

“And I don't see Kabuto around…” continued Kakashi. The fact that he hadn't listened to the evil snake commander started to make Orochimaru slightly angrier than he already had been.

Then the man blinked. “K-Kabuto? Where is he?! Is he all right?!”

“I'm not sure,” replied the copy ninja in an honest manner, tilting his head to the side. “I haven't seen him since last night… but I've been reading, so… Wasn't he sharing a room with you?”

“He WAS,” Jiraiya interrupted his old team mate with a dark smile, “but he decided to stay behind.”

“Behind? Behind where?” Kakashi tilted his head even more, confusion spreading across his face.

“……………” Orochimaru would have beaten the crap out of both of them then and there, but his arms were painfully pinned to his side. “Just go away, you worthless idiot.”

“… I don't want to.”

“… What?”

“I don't want to,” Kakashi repeated as he placed his hands behind his back, the one lazy eye narrowing in amusement as he glanced up at the ceiling. “I like it here. I found this place first, after all…. Speaking of which, how did you find this place?”

“…” Jiraiya became silent.

“…?”

“Don't look at me, you reading freak,” the evil sannin glared at Kakashi, who was staring at him in a way that made him feel very uncomfortable. “… I said don't look at me!”

“What, is something wrong?” The copy ninja blinked as he took a step forward, head canting to the side. “You feeling all right, Orochimaru? You look awfully pale.”

“I ALWAYS LOOK PALE, YOU IDIOT!!” screamed the snake commander at the top of his lungs, making Jiraiya's hair blow in the wind produced.

“Ewww, watch it… you just spit on my face, pal!” Jiraiya whined.

“PATOOIE!!” Another wad of saliva hit the sage in the eye.

“….” The toad hermit whined at that before he nuzzled Orochimaru's shoulder to get it out. “That was mean…”

“DON'T RUB IT ON ME!!”

“It's your spit,” commented the other. It seemed as if no matter what the snake commander did to him, Jiraiya would remain latched to him like a lovesick puppy.

Then again, Jiraiya WAS a lovesick puppy.

Usually for girls…

Not him…

Horrid…

Yuck…

Ick…

Ah…

“Damn it…” Orochimaru swore under his breath as something hit him and made him sigh in realization.

 

{Meanwhile…}

 

“… `Do not rub it on me'?” Lee turned to Gaara with a very puzzled expression, silently asking for an explanation.

The Kazekage shrugged, apparently not hearing the voice.

Lee frowned before turning and looking around, trying to find the source of the voices. They seemed to come from within the walls somewhere, somewhere near… His eyes latched onto the vent.

“… Gaara,” he poked the other's shoulder and pointed to the air vent in the corner. “Do you hear anything coming from that vent over there?”

The sand ninja frowned again, his jaded eyes shifting over to where the other was pointing, and soon they locked onto the vent. Observing it carefully, he then replied, “Perhaps.”

“It sounds like people are inside the ventilation system…” Lee replied, more to himself than to his partner. “Perhaps they are trapped?”

“…” Gaara shrugged.

Without consulting the other, the taijutsu user strode over to the vent and yanked the grate off, setting it aside before jumping inside. Clambering could soon be heard as Lee ran through the air duct on his hands and knees.

With a defeated sigh, Gaara scooped up the object they had found earlier and followed suit.

 

{Back in with our happy flock…}

 

Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!! Orochimaru frowned in the most uncharacteristic way he possibly could, making his face droop into a horrific scowl. His eyes narrowed sharply, to the point that they were almost completely shut.

The toad sage noticed this and turned his head towards him with a curious look in his eyes. “… What's wrong, pal? You look like you've just had something shoved up your ass…”

“…” The snake commander didn't reply at first. “… It's nothing. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing-”

“Oh, hello, Gaara!” Kakashi blinked at the redhead that had just popped out of the air vent after Gai's protégé. “Hello, Mini-Gai.”

“…” Lee mimicked Orochimaru's face.

“… He's nothing like Gai… What are you talking about?” Gaara seemed quite convinced.

“Y-you're joking, right?” the copy ninja stared at him.

“No.” Gaara frowned, “Why?”

“Um…”

“Oh, you never answered our question, Kakashi-Masochist!” Lee chimed.

Kakashi blinked, “What questio… What did you just call me?”

“Uh… Heh heh…”

“Well, whatever… Question… ques… OH! That question! Of course!” Kakashi turned to the Kazekage, “Do you have it with you?” Gaara nodded. “Oh, good! Give it to Jiraiya there!” Jade eyes blinked slowly before Gaara complied. Jiraiya grinned as the object was handed to him.

“Oh, my! What a nice present! Look at what the Kazekage gave us, pal!”

Orochimaru looked… and Jiraiya then proceeded to do something very naughty…

“… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Does that answer your question, boys?” Kakashi smirked, turning back to the teens.

Gaara and Lee had vanished in horror.

 

{Meanwhile… Let's play a guessing game! What do you think the object was? Guess! - Author 1. It's a dildo! - Kakashi. Um… What are you doing here? The `Meanwhile' sections are ours! - Author 1. Sorry, my bad! - Kakashi. … I just want to say that I had nothing to do with this scene, save for the `masochist' line! Wait a sec, that face you had Orochimaru make… Is that my unhappy face?! - Author 2}

 

“We're all gonna die down here…” Naruto moaned.

“No kidding…” Tenten stared at the ground.

“Agreed…” Temari sighed.

Ibiki shrugged. It appeared that he'd recovered from the blow Shino had dealt to him, “I said that at the very start of this whole mess.”

The others blinked at them

“What are you talking about?” Kisame asked.

 

{??? It's yet another mystery… - Author 2 … Oh goodie, goodie gumdrops… -Author 1}

 

Tenten: Well!

Tenten, Naruto, Temari, Ibiki: We're not gonna make it!

No! No!

We're not going to make it!

`Cause there's a million better ninja,

With a million better skills:

Ninja who can transform,

And ninja who have brains!

 

Tenten: Deep, in my heart…

I do believe…

 

Tenten, Naruto, Temari, Ibiki: Well, we're not gonna make it!

No! No!

We're not gonna make it,

`Cause we don't have the talent,

And we don't have the time!

We don't have the patience,

And we just can't make hand signs!

 

Tenten: Deep, in my heart…

I do believe…

 

Tenten, Naruto, Temari, Ibiki: Well!

We're not gonna make it!

No! No!

We're not gonna make it!

Say no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

We're not going to make it!

 

{End}

 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…” Shikamaru slurred happily.

 

{Meanwhile, in Gaara's room…}

 

“…” Lee was completely silent, large eyes abnormally wide as he sat down on the bed with Gaara beside him, who seemed a bit disturbed as well.

“Ugh…” The Kazekage frowned.

After a good moment of silence, Lee's eyes returned to normal and he then turned to the other at his side, “Gaara?”

“Hmm?”

Lee caught his gaze and held it fast, eyes seeming to speak words deeper than any famed philosopher or renowned psychologist could come up with. The taijutsu specialist let a hand slowly slide over to rest upon the other's. “I have something to say…”

Gaara's heart sank, thinking that Lee had finally realized that a reject like himself was not suited for someone as perfect as the handsome Rock Lee. “These last few days have… meant a lot to me. They have showed me things I never thought I would see, and they have given me something to call my own. You know not how long I have chased the one thing I desired more than anything.”

Gaara waited for the harsh words of reality to fall. “… They gave me you.”

The redhead's eyes whipped up again, wide in shock. Sure, they had made love together, and a few other… things had happened, but that wasn't the same as what he thought Lee believed to be love.

“I want us to be together-”

This couldn't be happening…

“-forever-”

Was this really happening to him?

“-and never be torn apart.”

Was Lee saying what he thought he was saying?

“Gaara, for the sake of us being together,” Lee began to finish, “please, make love to me again.”

If the Kazekage's eyes had gotten any wider, they would have popped out of his head and rolled about on the floor, leaving him blind. He just couldn't believe it… It wasn't possible…

“I love you, Gaara. I love you more than anything else in all the world… and I want to be with you forever.”

“… E-even more than…” The redhead began to stammer, still at a loss for words. “More than… that Sensei of yours?”

“…” There was a pause as the other seemed to ponder on the question. “I guess so. Yes, more than Gai-Sensei.”

Something deep within the once-demonic teen seemed to click, perhaps a sudden dawn of realization that triggered an emotion deep within him. It may have been the passionate lust towards his newfound love or the enlightenment that kept his now re-sewn heart together.

“Lee…” The free hand that was not being covered by the spandex-wearing taijutsu user soon found its way up the other's side, caressing the material-clad skin as much as it possibly could. “Lee… Lee…”

He wanted to cry…

“I… I…” His vision blurred.

He felt his eyes spill over for the second time in over eight years.

“No… do not cry…” Lee reached over and touched his face. “Do not…”

“L-Lee…” he shook slightly, “… I don't… I c-can't… I… Ah…”

Konoha's Handsome Devil leaned forward and kissed him, and suddenly it didn't matter how foreign the emotions within him were. He had to say something, anything… To say nothing was to suffocate in his unspoken words.

“Ahh… I need you, Lee! I need you!” he threw himself upon the leaf ninja, who slid his arms around his neck. Their lips met again and again.

“Yes…” Lee gasped, eyes glazed.

Sand was spinning dizzyingly around them, but neither noticed. Gaara tore away at Lee's suit desperately, still weeping because it hurt terribly, and he wasn't used to pain of any kind, let alone this.

But when he forced his eyes open, he saw that Lee was crying as well.

“I-I love you, Gaara. I love y-you…” he choked out.

“Ah… Lee, Lee…”

The two of them began to chant brokenly to one another as the sand entombed them once more. Lee cried out the words that Gaara had never before been told, while the Kazekage could only manage to sob out the name of the one who loved him.

 

{Meanwhile}

 

Kakashi walked out of the kitchen, smirking to himself. He nearly tripped over Kabuto, who was lying on the floor, misery etched onto his features.

“Where…” Kabuto moaned, “Where could he have gone?”

“Still looking for Orochimaru, Kabuto?” Kakashi sounded very cheerful.

“Who else would I be looking for?!” the medic snapped.

Kakashi's smirk widened under his mask, “I'll tell you what; go stand by the air vent in the kitchen and listen. You might find the experience… enlightening.”

Kabuto blinked, but decided to take the jonin's advice.

 

{In the kitchen…}

 

Kabuto knelt by the vent, frowning. He got the eerie feeling that something very bad was about to happen. Then…

“… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

“Lord Orochimaru!” he cried, horrified. The medic tore away the screen and clambered inside. He ran through the system hunched over, a kunai in one hand.

“DAMN IT!!!!” Orochimaru howled from a nearby area. Kabuto charged towards it, threw himself out into a room and…

“… K-Kabuto?” whined the evil sannin weakly, eyes wide with a mix of horror and relief.

“……” Kabuto's mouth was gaped to an alarming standard. “I… I thought you didn't want to do this with him.”

“I DO!!” screamed the other, although he then caught himself and screamed again, “I MEAN I DON'T!!!”

The medic's eyes began to wibble, his bottom lip quivering as he took a single step back… only to be pulled onto the bed along side the one he served; Kabuto's eyes grew remarkably wide as Jiraiya's hands soon began to work on disposing of his clothes.

“This is perfect!” Jiraiya smirked, “I've always wanted to have a threesome… I have to admit, I didn't approve of this silver-haired, glasses-wearing medic… but I've gotten over it!”

Both Orochimaru and Kabuto began to cry.

 

{Haha, bet you didn't see that one coming. - Author 1 … I feel so bad for them… - Author 2}

 

Kakashi frowned as he stood in front of his door, scratching the nape of his neck as he thought of how to get inside… and then he realized that he was being stupid. He could just teleport, duh…

A poof later, the copy ninja stood over his partner- who was facing the wall with his arms folded across his chest. Kakashi didn't need to see his face to tell that a pout was on his lips.

The annoyed, pissed off chuunin nearly jumped when he felt the bed move, arms soon leaving his chest to flail about pathetically, “Gah!!”, but they were soon pinned back to their original place against his side.

“Irukaaa…” cooed the copy ninja, his unmasked face finding its way to Iruka's cheek and letting the soft velvet tongue slip across the other's skin. “You know it's not nice to lock your lover out.”

Iruka growled, “You humiliated me in front of everyone, Kakashi.”

“I'm sorry… it was rude of me.”

“You'd better be, you selfish bastard.”

“I'm not selfish. I care about you a lot, Iruka.”

“…”

“I love you.”

“… I hate it when you do that.”

“Well, it works every time!”

Iruka sighed.

“Don't worry, love! I'll make it up to you!”

Iruka's eyes flickered oddly.

Oh, you will, Kakashi… you will…

He dug something out from underneath the pillows, then sank it into Kakashi's arm.

“Hey! What are-” he blinked, then fell over, unconscious.

Thanks, Kabuto! Iruka grinned, I'll pay you back for the knock-out drug later…

 

{Meanwhile…}

 

Orochimaru slid back against the headboard with a lustful growl, gasping for air while Kabuto crawled on top of the sannin and lay there, purring blissfully. This only made Jiraiya scowl as he sat up and caught his breath. He watched the two carefully, and there was an obvious trace of jealousy in his eyes; even after participating in a threesome, he was still envious of the silver-haired medic.

“You know…” stated the toad sage slowly, “I wish ol' Orochimaru would purr on top of me like that…”

The other sannin peeled open an eye to stare hollowly at the other. After having many inner monologues with himself, the snake commander soon realized that not only did he like his precious Kabuto very much… but he was starting to become addicted to his old companion… and he was frightened of that. “… Yeah, I'm sure you wish that.”

Jiraiya whined. “You still don't love me? After all this?”

The poor confused snake summoner's heart nearly threw itself out of his chest and Orochimaru was forced to not answer, otherwise his body might have done something that would have scared him further. The more he stared at Jiraiya, the more he wanted to… No… no… must not think about stuff like that…. Disgusting…. Yuck…

The white-haired sannin soon cleared his throat. “I'll tell you a bit about it…”

 

{??? Heheheh… - Author 2}

 

Jiraiya: It's not unusual to be loved by anyone!

It's not unusual to have fun with anyone!

But when I see you hanging about with anyone,

It's not unusual to see me cry!

Oh, I wanna die…

 

Orochimaru: … Uh…

 

Jiraiya: It's not unusual to go out at any time,

But when I see you out and about; it's such a crime!

If you should ever want to be loved by anyone,

It's not unusual;

Jiraiya and random ANBU Chicks: It happens every day,

No matter what you say!

 

Jiraiya: You find it happens all the time!

Jiraiya and random ANBU Chicks: Love will never do,

What you want it to!

Jiraiya: Why can't this crazy love be mine?!

 

Orochimaru: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!

ANBU Chicks: EEP!

 

Jiraiya: It's not unusual to be mad with anyone!

It's not unusual to be sad with anyone…

But if I ever find that you've changed at anytime…

It's not unusual-

 

Orochimaru: To find out I'm in love you!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!

 

Kabuto: … B-but… *sob… *

 

{End}

 

“… But… but…” Kabuto stammered, eyes filling with tears, “But….”

“Aww… your boy-toy is so cute, Orochimaru!” Jiraiya grinned.

“Yes, he i… did I just say that out loud….? No… I couldn't have… no! It's not possible!!! YOU RAPED ME!!! HOW CAN… NOT… POSSIBLE!!!!”

“*Sob… *” Kabuto hid his face in one of the pillows.

“Aww… You made your boy-toy cry, pal!” Jiraiya frowned, “That's not nice!”

“I DIDN'T MAKE HIM CRY, YOU TOAD-KISSING FREAK!! YOU MADE HIM CRY!!!”

 

{In the main room}

 

“I like clouds…” Shikamaru smiled. He'd run out of mushrooms, and was now quite sober.

“No, really?” Choji rolled his eyes.

Naruto sighed on the ground, then sat up in sudden realization, “Hey… Where the hell is Sasuke?! I haven't seen him all day!”

“Hmm…” Shikamaru thought for a moment, “I think I saw him with his brother last night…”

“WHAT?!” everyone stared at the druggie.

“… There was something kind of odd about Sasuke… he wasn't talking and…” Shikamaru's eyes widened in horror, “OH, MY GODS!!!! The emo-freak took Sasuke!!!! And I helped him do it!!!! SHIT!!!!”

“WHAT?!” Naruto shot forward and grabbed Shikamaru's vest, “HOW?! HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET OUT OF HERE?!”

Shikamaru hesitated, then pointed. Everyone stared, then looked rather sick with themselves.

“To be honest, I thought you all knew about it, so I didn't say anything…” the shadow master seemed a bit embarrassed, “Sorry…”

 

{Meanwhile, and I must state that the following scene takes place a few minutes after… just as the three in the `room' are about to leave… and then they forget it and have a more graphic threesome. Enjoy… and by the way, you idiots better like it. On paper, it was seven pages long, DOUBLE-SIDED, and took me forever to write, due to I didn't want to rush it like the others. SO ENJOY IT, YOU MISERABLE YAOI-CRAVING WORMS!! -Author 1 … Yeah, it's pretty big… I think you seriously overdid it on this one, dude. - Author 2}

 

{The following abridged scene has been brought to you by Author 2… ////.}

 

Orochimaru: *Sob… *

Jiraiya and Kabuto: YAY!!!

…

Jiraiya: Hahaha…

Kabuto: Lord Orochimaru! Save me!

Orochimaru: …

Kabuto: AHHH!!!

…

Orochimaru and Kabuto: Vengeance…

Jiraiya: ? … AH!! AAAHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! ARGLE BARGLE^10!!!

Orochimaru and Kabuto: Heheheh…

Jiraiya: *Sob… *

 

{Here's the real version… yay…}

 

Orochimaru groaned as he slid down the wall with Kabuto behind him and Jiraiya in front, the toad hermit running his rough hands across the silky expansion of the snake summoner's chest. His fingers gently massaged some of the spots they found, especially teasing the barely flushed nubs. The medic underneath the ultimate victim played with Orochimaru's pant line, hands slipping inside without notice thanks to the distraction performed by the oldest sannin as he smothered Orochimaru's lips with his own, biting and sucking every inch it could get.

The other moaned at the combined efforts as he let his hands rise to tangle within the snowy locks before him, then yanked the head further down upon his own. His eyes soon began to roll into the back of his head; Jiraiya slipped his tongue into the awaiting cavern, stroking the snake commander's wet muscle with his own, and was delighted when the other's tongue instantly entwined with his. He pulled the ebony-haired man's tongue into his mouth and began sucking furiously upon it, nearly drying it out.

Kabuto's free hand- the one that wasn't busy investigating Orochimaru's lower areas- soon began to join the hermit's hands in their journey across the evil sannin's chest, tweaking pink nipples and rolling them in his palm, thus eliciting a desperate cry from the one caught in between. It was now obvious to Kabuto why Jiraiya had suggested a threesome. Oh… this was heaven… He could fell his manhood pressing tightly against Orochimaru's backside, even through the material of his pants… and if it continued at the rate it was, it would soon do things he had never thought possible.

“Gahh…” Orochimaru writhed between them as his thinking circuits were completely fried. His eyes closed completely and he couldn't help but purr at the feeling of Jiraiya working on his throat, creating several hickie marks along the length of his neck… And there was the way Kabuto was beginning to create similar marks upon the nape of his neck as well... The way the two of them alternated their movements was starting to make him feel… complete for the first time…

“You like this, pal?” Jiraiya's soothing voice reached his ears, sending shivers up his spinal cord.

The only response he could muster was a throaty growl to show his approval.

“He's enjoying it…” replied Kabuto with a groan, “I can tell by that… geh… It feels so…”

“So good…” finished the snake master, “Beautiful… Oh, Gods, Jiraiya… geh… I… I…”

“Hmm?” purred the toad hermit as he licked the other's cheek, gaining another moan in return.

“N-need it… I need it. I need more…” gasped the man as he struggled to remain sane, which was not going well, “P-please, Kabuto… J-Ji…”

“Come on…”

“J… Jiraiya! Gah-hah!!” Orochimaru cried out as Jiraiya rocked his hips against his. The friction transferred through the black-haired man to the groaning medic behind him, making all three of them shudder in absolute ecstasy.

“Is… is there something you want, my old friend?” the sage sucked in another breath as he tried to prevent himself from screwing the snake sannin senseless, his quick-working hands beginning to rid Orochimaru of his robe and shirt. Once the garments were removed, the toad summoner began to touch and caress everything he could reach, roaming and teasing… Oh, how he waited for the other to willingly moan underneath him!

Kabuto smiled as he heard his master whimper and writhe against both him and Jiraiya. His own lovemaking noises soon accompanied the other's, only succeeding in spurring on the hermit's passionate actions.

“Ah… yesss… want something…” the other mumbled something incoherent, but Jiraiya seemed to be able to decipher it, for he let forth a lop-sided grin.

“Tell me what you want and I'll gladly give it to you…”

“A-anything?”

“Mhm…”

“Gah…” Orochimaru whined and whimpered, “I want… want… I want… y-” He failed to hold back another moan as Kabuto began to suck on his earlobe, making it that much harder for him to think.

Jiraiya wanted to hear it so badly… the hermit had lost all hope of talking his old, secret crush out into the open after Orochimaru's betrayal of Konoha- of him. It was why he had so quickly surrounded himself with women. “Please… say it to me. Say it so the nightmares will go away…”

The medic on the bottom soon began to understand the white-haired sannin's motives, considering what had most likely happened between the other two in the past. He also considered himself lucky- lucky to be here to help relieve his master of his pent-up emotions. It was as if Jiraiya had a better claim to the snake summoner than he did.

Yet, he loved his Lord Orochimaru deeply. He and Jiraiya now had something in common, the same person to love, ravish, and protect.

“I… I want you, Jiraiya… want you… love… you…” stammered Orochimaru as he cast his head back in pure bliss. Tears began to stream down his pale cheeks, only to be licked up by his old comrade, “S-so… so sorry…”

“Shh…” Jiraiya hushed him by laying his head against the other's neck and shoulder, “Y-you don't need to apologize a-anymore… it's all right.”

“But what… what have I done? What was I thinking?!”

“Shhh… it's okay…”

Kabuto was nearly in tears as well; he had thought that Orochimaru would never acknowledge his actions as wrong… much less confess his true feelings towards the particularly perverted sage. Perhaps the snake master had held the feelings back all along. In an attempt to help soothe the weeping sannin, he began to press soft and delicate kisses against Orochimaru's bare back.

“K-Kabuto…” whimpered the man as he clung to Jiraiya fiercely, his neck and throat being enveloped with a sacred feeling that he absolutely loved. He never wanted this experience to end.

“… Shh…” Kabuto whispered to his master, trying to calm the frequent, muffled sobs.

“I'm so sorry…” Orochimaru choked on his tears as he desperately began to rid Jiraiya of his clothes while the medic behind him worked on the snake tamer's pants. They soon joined the pile of discarded fabric and within a few seconds, all three were nude and warm upon the king-sized bed.

“Do you still want us?” Jiraiya stroked his comrade's chest in loving affection. The medic blinked.

Orochimaru whimpered as Jiraiya pulled Kabuto over and whispered something to the curious medic, who smirked and nodded as the neglected one continued to whine. “Please…”

The snake leader gasped suddenly as he felt a hot pair of lips envelop his erect manhood, the suction pulling lightly at the tip. He soon began to writhe again as the one who held him captive raked his teeth across his member's underside.

Kabuto grinned in triumph as he continued to tease his new lover, only lifting his lower body to let the toad hermit slip underneath and…

“GAHH!!” the black-haired sannin bucked as he felt a tongue press at his entrance and wiggle around teasingly, nearly making Orochimaru fall off the bed. Kabuto quickly bound the flailing man's hands to the headboard with one of the bedsheets, frustrating the snake summoner even more… Yet it aroused him as well.

The medic gently released the captive organ before retorting, “This is payback for everything you did to me, Lord Orochimaru.”

“Ha… ha… W-well… don't stop now… F-feels too g-good…” moaned the other as he bucked a second time thanks to Jiraiya, who was having the time of his life. The poor serpent sannin groaned when two pairs of hands slipped up his lower torso and began to stretch across, rubbing the slightly scarred skin and tracing every curve, as if to map him out. Kabuto and Jiraiya both smirked; the medic began to suck harder while the toad hermit slowly pushed his tongue in and softly stroked the inside, making his old friend cry as he pleaded for release from the torture. He could feel the pulsing energy bubble up inside of him, and as it strengthened into a frenzied rush to the end of a tunnel, Orochimaru's whimpers and writhes turned to pleasurable screams and thrashes.

Then Jiraiya hit the one spot inside of him that made everything vanish in a white light that made him see stars. A throaty cry escaped from him as Kabuto quickly began to swallow the slightly salty substance that filled his mouth. He made sure to suck the other dry, cleaning him thoroughly. The medic smiled as he let his own body rest upon Jiraiya's backside, suppressing a groan of his own as his manhood rubbed against the sage.

Jiraiya smirked as he pulled away from the other sannin and turned his head to Kabuto with a malevolent gleam in his eyes… and Kabuto raised his eyebrows in confusion, “… What? Why are you staring at me like… oh, no. No, no way! No! S-stay back! Back, I say!!” AHHH!!!”

The silver-haired shinobi squeaked as Jiraiya took the other end of the bedsheets that kept Orochimaru tied to the headboard and easily bound Kabuto to the spot where he was- that is, slumped over him. The young man whined and writhed gently… which only succeeded in squishing his member against the other's back. “L-Lord Orochimaru! Help!”

Unfortunately for Kabuto, the snake man was nearly out cold, his head cast back against the pillows in pure and absolute ecstasy, bathing in the wonderful afterglow of his orgasm.

“Your turn, Kabuto…” the smile continued to creep across Jiraiya's face before he suddenly bucked upwards, creating an addictive friction between them that left Kabuto at a loss for coherent words.

“Ahh!” the ninja whimpered pathetically as he found himself bagging for mercy, “Please! That… ugh… it feels so nice…”

“You want more?” Jiraiya cooed as he reached around to grope the younger male's ass, “Hmm?”

“G-Gods, yesss…” Kabuto hissed in pleasure, winding his arms around Jiraiya's waist and pressing his body as close as was physically possible, gaining a grunt of approval from the other.

“Kabuto…” growled the toad summoner, a glint of sheer lust in his eyes, “Put your hair down. I'll bet you look damn sexy with it draped across your shoulders.”

“You think so?” the medic smirked, reaching up to slowly do as he was told. He made sure to tease his captor by stalling… and as soon as the hair band was down, Jiraiya's mouth dropped.

“Ahh… Ahh… Oh, my Gods…” Jiraiya's voice was trembling as he reached up to touch the angelic vision behind him despite the awkward position, and the instant his digits wove neatly into the lengths, the hermit's brain malfunctioned and he soon began to drool… The liquid landed on Orochimaru's torso.

The snake commander managed to peel an eyelid open. “… His hair is down, isn't it?”

“Yeah…” Jiraiya murmured faintly.

Both sannin drooled.

Unfortunately for Jiraiya, a slight bouncing motion brought him back from wherever his thoughts had previously been, and his eyes widened as Kabuto began to hump him persistently… but he soon began to moan underneath the heat and friction that developed from it, “Oh, my G-… My Gods, Kabuto… Ah… Oh, Gods… don't you dare stop…”

“Ugh…” was the other's reply, and he sped up. Orochimaru could be heard grunting as well from the vibrations.

The faster Kabuto bounced, the further he slipped down the older man's back, and with a stifled cry, he found his very erect member pressing into the sage's crack. “Oh, my G… Ah… AH!!”

Kabuto cried out as he clawed at Jiraiya's back in an attempt to free himself from the torment that his pulsing cock was experiencing between Jiraiya's butt cheeks, and his hands, slick with sweat, slipped around the hermit's body again to feverishly pump the other's member. Before they knew it, the two were bouncing so high off the bed that all three men feared it would break… but for now, none of them cared for anything save each other and the blissful feeling that exploded between the toad sage and the medic.

Kabuto came hard, gasping as he felt his seed running down not just Jiraiya's legs, but his own as well. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he slumped over the hermit's back and struggled for breath, muttering something about it `being perfect.'

“That was a very nice display,” smirked the snake master, his eyes glistening as he watched Kabuto twitch and moan from the aftermath. But it was as he observed Jiraiya, whose breath was ragged and whose manhood was standing straight, that he got another cruel and ruthless idea.

Revenge was bittersweet, so they said, but Orochimaru had always found it to his liking.

“Jiraiya…” Orochimaru smiled sweetly, his snake-like eyes keen and observant as he tugged gently against his bonds, “Please… untie me? Pretty please?”

The retort seemed slightly amused, “Are you willing to give me something in return?”

“Of course…” The cloth was unknotted and before Jiraiya knew what was happening, he found himself bound tightly to where Orochimaru had once been… and he nearly forgot to breathe. It was a good thing Orochimaru had released Kabuto as well…

The snake sannin purred as he crawled across the sage's body, making sure that every part of their bodies glided against one another's with the silent grace of a serpent. Jiraiya immediately began to drool as he found the golden eyes boring down into his own dark ones.

“It's payback tiiimee…” cooed the dominant man as his snake-like tongue slipped out to wipe across his lips in an attempt to both wet them slightly, and arouse his soon-to-be-screaming teammate.

It worked.

Jiraiya shuddered with long-held lust, “W-what are you scheming this time, Orochimaru?”

“Oh… Jiraiya, Jiraiya, Jiraiya… When will you ever learn?” The familiar statement made the hermit drool even more, “Ever heard of `gang rape'?

The toad sage's stomach did a flip, “Y-you're going to-”

“That's right,” the other nodded with a sarcastic grin, “You're going to scream so much that you'll be hoarse tomorrow… and then we'll do it again… and again… and again…”

Jiraiya wanted to do a song and dance right then and there; his greatest dream was about to come true: Orochimaru was going to screw him senseless! His biggest crush was going to do the unbelievable. Oh, Gods, how he'd waited for this day…

“I'll scream as many times as you want me to, love,” Jiraiya purred with another lop-sided grin, “Just screw me good.”

The snake summoner then motioned for Kabuto to come closer, and as he began to whisper into his ear, a demonic look soon played across his face. With a nod, he turned around and headed promptly into the restroom. Jiraiya blinked in confusion, but Orochimaru replied with a smirk, “Oh, he'll be back… but in the meantime, I'd best get you ready for your punishment.”

“Punishment?” the hermit echoed with a blink, “And what have I done to deserve this punishment?”

There was a long pause of silence as Jiraiya watched the other's grin grow even wider.

“It wouldn't be much fun if I told you, now would it?” came the long-awaited reply, and Jiraiya squeaked uncharacteristically as he felt his butt being raised to stuff a few pillows underneath it.

“Will it… hurt at all?”

“How would I know?” Orochimaru leaned forward to press their noses together, “After all, I've always enjoyed pain.”

“…” the poor hermit then realized he was definitely going to be in for it.

After a few moments of silence between the old friends, Kabuto reappeared, and Jiraiya had an instant nosebleed at the vision before him…

Kabuto had drenched himself with water so that his silvery hair slung to his shoulders and rippled down his back, his eyes glistening as he let a tongue snake out to moisten his lips. His muscles practically glowed with an inner radiance. With a slight growl of pleasure, the medic ran a hand up his own torso and succeeded in making the sage groan.

“You want him, don't you?” Orochimaru's face was mixed with both malevolence and amusement as he forced himself to maintain control- after all, no one could resist Kabuto when he went all out- as he watched his old teammate fawn over his subordinate.

It was some time before Jiraiya could breathe, “… W-want him? Gods, Orochimaru, I don't want him. I need him… not as much as you of course, but…”

A sweat-drop formed on the side of the other's face, “…”

“What? What's the ma-” the sage was cut off. The snake summoner had straddled the white-haired toad master's waist and had already positioned his member for penetration. Their eyes met, and it was then that Jiraiya remembered why he liked the other male so much. Those golden optics could ensnare you in an instant…

Kabuto soon joined his master. He climbed over to sit atop Jiraiya's chest with a leg draped over either side, his eyes alight before he pushed forward and forced Jiraiya to make room in his mouth for the already swelling erection that was demanding entrance. The sage's eyes widened to the point where they would have popped out of his head- if they'd been given the chance to, for the man was only able to see the smirks of the two others before he was suddenly blindfolded. He began to thrash lightly until he gasped, for…

For Orochimaru had left out the preparation step and had gone straight to the infiltration of Jiraiya's inner rings, eliciting a desperate cry of both pain and pleasure from the perverted hermit. He yanked at his bonds fiercely and his heart rate instantly increased at an alarming rate, almost giving him the feeling that he was going to have a heart attack. The sage began to panic, yet the extreme ecstasy that was coursing through his veins was keeping him from completely blacking out.

“O-Orochi…” cried the snow-haired sannin as he struggled furiously, trying to get away from the extreme torture. It was driving him insane, “Gah! Please, at least let me see what you're doing to meee…”

“Pfff,” came the reply as Orochimaru began to speed up, “No way in hell, Jiraiya. It's much more fun when you can't do ANYTHING.”

Jiraiya wanted to cry, although he probably wouldn't have been allowed to do that either… What a mean lover he had…

He would have opened his mouth to protest further, but Kabuto kept him busy as he pushed his cock further into the sage's mouth, nearly making the man choke as he struggled to adjust to the large organ that was nearly being shoved down his throat.

Kabuto whimpered at the constriction around his member, making the hermit realize that he could still gain control if he used this situation to his advantage, so he did it again. Of course, he gained the same reaction, and this only made Jiraiya smile… until the snake sannin slammed into him full force.

He wanted to cry, although whether it was out of pain or pleasure, he wasn't quite sure. A low humming began to stir in him, and even though he was partially occupied by the silver-haired medic, Orochimaru was still the one that dominated his thoughts. When this was over… if it ever was over…

Then his eyes widened painfully under the cloth, for the soft, cool feeling of metal slipped over his manhood just as he was about to dive into his own blissful afterglow, and the terrible truth came over him like a tidal wave of needles.

“Oh, don't worry,” came the not-so-reassuring reassurance of the evil sannin, “I'll make sure you've felt the full fury of my thirst for vengeance before I remove that `handy little trinket.'”

“… Mmm!” Jiraiya whimpered as his hands grappled the headboard with his fingers. Kabuto purred in delight from the sensation in his lower areas, and with a quick glance back to Orochimaru, who nodded, he reached behind his backside and groped the sage's erected member. The sage instantly yelped in surprise and, in a futile attempt to gain more from the silver-haired medic, pushed upwards.

Orochimaru grabbed a hold of the hermit's hips and forcefully pushed them into the mattress to keep the other from moving too much, and Jiraiya's frequent whimpers soon began to morph into desperate cries. He could feel the dull, resonating purr in his groin start to work its way towards the surface, but to his absolute dismay, wasn't allowed to go past the metal ring. The white-haired toad sage thrashed in slight frustration as he was forced to squirm and move a bit differently when his old teammate began to speed up.

“Mmph!” came the soft cry of protest that managed to escape around the sides of Kabuto's erection, and due to the feeling it provided, liquid suddenly poured into the back of his throat. Jiraiya gagged and struggled to swallow it without choking. A body soon slumped onto his chest, mixing their sweat together as Kabuto gasped for air above him.

Orochimaru was only fueled to push in faster and faster, and soon, his eyes began to loll to the back of his head while Jiraiya continued to writhe against the two above him. To the hermit's relief, Kabuto pulled out of his mouth and allowed him to breathe a bit more easily.

“Oh, come on!” Jiraiya nearly cried, “You can't seriously… it's-it's not fa-a-ah!! AH!!”

A flash of blinding white light interrupted him, sending a bolt of pleasure through his body. Orochimaru seemed to have found the one spot inside of him that drove him desperately to towards the end of a tunnel… only to be blocked off half-way by a ring of steel. The hermit began to worry that perhaps since the exit was blocked off, it would soon begin to flood his system and make him unable to function for several days.

“GAHH!!” the snake sannin choked on his breath as he came inside the toad sage, only making Jiraiya cry even more, for the ring continued to torture him while his partner found release. Just as the perverted sage thought his friend was done… Orochimaru suddenly sped up again.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!! Jiraiya's eyes widened beneath the cloth as he soon began to see stars over and over… and over… and soon he couldn't see anything but. If he continued at this rate, he'd most likely go blind. He has an incredible amount of stamina… and his chakra control is way above min… Oh, Gods, please make this over quick. I don't think I can last that… that… long…

Orochimaru stopped when he noticed Jiraiya go limp, and with a slow extraction of his manhood, reached forward to remove the cloth from around the sage's eyes…

And found him out cold.

“…” the snake commander blinked in slight amusement, “Well… I wasn't expecting that… but, oh, well!”

He slipped off the metal ring and was surprised as about four orgasms' worth of semen spilled onto the sheets… Kabuto looked up briefly.

“… Did he pass out?”

“Looks like it.”

Both Kabuto and Orochimaru snickered at how weak and fragile the hermit had been.

“You know, Kabuto…” mused the snake summoner as he came up to rest his head on top of the left side of Jiraiya's chest, idly stroking the bare abdomen, “Who would have ever thought?”

“Thought what, Lord Orochimaru?”

“About this… It all seems so…”

“Unpredictable?”

“I suppose that would be an applicable term, yes. Unpredictable.”

“… I see,” Kabuto's eyes flickered briefly across Jiraiya's face before he reached up and undid the sage's bonds so he wouldn't wake up numb, “I had a feeling that something like this would happen someday.”

Orochimaru blinked as he caught Kabuto's gaze, “How so?”

“The body often says things that the host does not… most of the time, it's unintentional…” the medic sighed as he put his head down on Jiraiya as well. This statement only made Orochimaru stare even more, obviously confused.

A moment of silence hung between the two of them as they rested there peacefully. Neither spoke as they listened to their own heartbeats and breathing as if to let the rhythm put them to sleep… and soon Kabuto dropped off and began to snore.

“… Heh,” a small smirk formed on Orochimaru's face as he gently looked upon the face of his old comrade, and he pulled himself up enough to plant a soothing kiss upon the toad hermit's lips, almost in a passionate manner that one would say Orochimaru was incapable of. He pulled away regretfully, “Perhaps when you regain consciousness, I'll give you a proper apology.”

Only moments later, he drifted off to sleep as well.

 

{In the Morning- the scene is over, by the way}

 

“-Wakey, wakey!”

“Ohh…”

“…”

“ARGH!!!”

Jiraiya scooped both Kabuto and Orochimaru into his very possessive and very bone-crushing embrace, which reduced them to lengthy gasps and struggles. No matter how much they moved, the other still continued to hold onto them. “You know… we probably should get going. Everyone else is probably worried about us.”

The two whined, although Orochimaru was flushing slightly.

 

{Meanwhile}

 

“WHY THE HELL DIDN'T WE SEE THAT BEFORE?! WE'RE A BUNCH OF RETARDS!!!” everyone screamed simultaneously.

“That's what Itachi said…” Shikamaru nodded.

“… Sasuke…” Naruto had gone quite pale.

“Heellloooo!!!!!” Jiraiya beamed at everyone, Kabuto slung over one shoulder and Orochimaru tied to the other. Kabuto was crying hopelessly, “… What's with the sad faces… Why are you staring at us? What?”

“… You idiot…” Tsunade sighed.

“Perv…” Naruto muttered.

“We found a way out!” Kisame cried suddenly.

“What?! Where?! I want out!! I want out NOW!!!” Orochimaru struggled as he spoke, but to no avail. He was trapped.

Everyone pointed.

“… Why the hell didn't w-we s-see that bef-fore?” Kabuto sobbed.

“We're a bunch of retards!” Orochimaru groaned. If only I'd seen that! This never would have happened. DAMN!!! DAMN!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!

“That's what we said!” everyone chimed.

…

“You go get them, Gai!” Kankuro snarled, “Lee's YOUR student!”

“NO!!!” Gai wailed, “I W-WON'T D-DO IT!!! Y-YOU DO IT!!!!”

“Don't look at me… I'm not doing it,” Temari hissed.

Kankuro sighed, “F-fine! Fine! I'll do it! But you owe me big time, Mr. Bowl-cut!” The puppet master walked up to his brother's room and knocked sharply, knowing it was hopeless. Gaara slept like a log. “GAARA!!! OPEN UP!!! I'M NOT COMING IN THERE UNLESS YOU DON'T ANSWER AND I DOUBT YOU WANT ME TO ANYWAY!!! UNDERSTAND?!”

The door opened…

“What is it?” Lee frowned at him, “You woke me up.”

Kankuro started in surprise, “Um… well… we found a way out, and we're gonna leave in an hour, so… you should probably… uh…”

“Oh!” the leaf ninja shut the door in his face.

“… Rude little thing…” Kankuro grumbled.

“WHAAAAAHHHH!!!!!”

The others sighed in resignation.

 

{In Gaara and Lee's Room…}

 

“Gaara! Wake up! …” Lee prodded him. The Kazekage didn't react.

He jumped on the bed, “Gaara! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wa-”

“… Huh?” Gaara stirred slightly.

“Gaara! WAKE UP!!!”

“What? Oh…” Gaara sat up slowly. “Something wrong?”

“Your brother says the others found the way out.”

“Ah… I was wondering when they would notice it…” the redhead nodded.

Lee's eyes widened, “You saw it as well?”

“Well… yes…” Gaara blinked, “What do you mean by `as well'?”

“Uh… well… I did not want to say anything because… well…”

Gaara's lips curved up, “Not surprising. I did the same thing… How long do we have?”

“Kankuro said an hour.” Lee replied.

The Kazekage thought for a moment, “… Shower…” he muttered.

“What?”

“Come on…” he grabbed Lee's hand and led him into the bathroom.

 

{In Neji's Room}

 

“Ah… my eyes…” Neji hissed. He had already gathered up his belongings, but now he was stuck in his room with a wet cloth pressed over his eyes.

“Why do they hurt so much…?”

His door opened.

“Who's there?!” the Hyuga teen growled.

“Me!”

“Naruto… Yay…”

Naruto frowned, “You all right, dude?”

“Oh, just fine,” Neji retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“… Do you think Sasuke will be all right?”

“Highly unlikely.” Naruto sighed, then left, disappointed.

“Ow!” Neji felt like his eyes were on fire. “Owww… Uhn…”

He curled up on his bed.

Someone else knocked on his door.

“G-go away!” But his door opened, and someone ran to his side in concern.

“Brother! Are you all right?!” Oh, great…

Hinata fretted over him, “Oh, do you need help?! Can I help you?! Are you sick again?! Are you hurt?! Where?! How?!”

Gods damn it…

 

{Back in Gaara's Room}

 

The sound of water soon filled the small bathroom as Gaara pulled on the shower knob, frowning when his bare hand was covered in cold droplets. His jaded eyes flickered once to Lee, who was already unclothing himself, and then he sighed as he began to undress as well.

“… The water's cold,” commented the Kazekage.

Lee turned to stare at him oddly before he reached out towards the shower, sticking his hand in briefly before pulling it away. “That is because when you turned it on, you did not twist the knob to the left. See?” He turned it and stuck his hand back in.

Gaara's hand soon accompanied his, and the sand ninja frowned again. “… It's warm.”

“… Yes, it is warm.” Lee took the other's hand and stepped into the shower, Gaara in tow, and the two of them just stood there, under the shower head like a pile of rocks. Black orbs of ebony clashed with jade once before the two teenagers met, Gaara attacking the sweet spot on the taijutsu master's throat.

“Meh…” A sigh escaped Lee's slightly parted lips as he gently cast his head back, letting the other explore his body as he pleased. “Should… should we not wash down first before we do something like this?”

The only reply was a grunt of disapproval from Gaara, who was busy creating a large hickie near the boy's collarbone.

“I… I guess not…”

“Don't worry. It's not like I'm going to order you to get down on the floor for me.”

“?”

“… So I can screw you.”

“… OH! I see.” Lee looked enlightened… and then he frowned. “… You are not?”

“Unfortunately, we don't have time. We can do stuff like that once we get home.”

“Oh, ok… wait, my home or your home?”

“…” Gaara seemed to think about it for a while before he replied, “My home.”

“Oh, ok-HEY! I cannot go to Sunagakure! It is too far!”

“That's only if we walk. I can teleport.”

“But what about Gai-Sensei?!”

“Screw him.”

“EW!”

“… You're weird.”

“You were the one who mentioned it…”

“… It's your fault for saying `ew.'”

“No, it is YOUR fault. Do not blame it on me.”

“Too late. It's your fault.”

“…”

“Good. We'll go to Suna afterwards.”

“Can I not at least tell Gai-Sensei that I will be gone for a while?”

“… `A while'?”

“Well, yes…. Unless… no… no, no. You cannot be serious.”

“I am always serious, Lee.”

“*Sob… *”

 

{In Temari's Room}

 

Temari and Kankuro sat side by side, waiting.

“Damn it… that idiot, Kiba, bent my fan…” the blonde grumbled.

“I'm still amazed that so many of us are still alive…” Kankuro commented, “I mean, I thought that we were all gonna die, but…”

“Hey,” Temari turned to him, “Do you have any bubblegum?”

“Uh…” the puppet master felt around for a moment, “Yep! Here.”

“Awesome!” Temari chewed happily for a while, then spoke again, “You were saying something about the Aburame guy earlier, right?”

Kankuro shifted his eyes about warily before nodding, “Yeah. You see, I had this freaky dream last night and he was in it.”

“What was it about?” she blinked.

“Well, first I saw that Orochimaru guy getting the stuffing beaten out of him- I don't know where that came from; I also heard Jiraiya laughing like a maniac- but anyway… The really weird part was where I dreamt that I was asleep, and I woke up, and Shino Aburame was standing over me.”

Temari blew a bubble, eyes riveted on her brother, “… You need counseling.”

“I think we all do,” he retorted.

“I won't argue with that.”

 

{Meanwhile}

 

“… Ugh… Where… What the… Oh, no…” Kakashi's eyes widened in horror.

“Recognize this place, love?” Iruka smiled sweetly at him, holding what appeared to be…

“AAAHHH!!! NO!!”

Kakashi Hatake screamed as he was stuffed into a scarecrow costume…

 

{Back in Gaara's Room…}

 

Gaara and gathered up his things as Lee scrubbed at his hair with a towel. The Kazekage seemed to prefer to let the water evaporate in its own time, for he didn't bother trying to dry off much. The taijutsu expert then stood, walked over to Gaara, and slid his arms about his waist for a few seconds.

“Love you…” he whispered.

Gaara was silent for a moment, “… I love you, too.”

 

{Outside the KHSP}

 

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” Asuma still ran from Kurenai, but he was starting to slow down. The witch had been chasing him for hours.

“I'LL PONE YOU ANY DAY AT POKEMON!!!” she foamed at the mouth.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOFFF!!!” the jonin ran straight into…

“Sensei!” Choji greeted his mentor.

“Hey! There… you all… are!” Asuma panted. Kurenai halted beside him and wiped the foam from her lips.

“Oh… hello, Sensei…” Hinata spoke quietly.

“What's up, Sensei!” Kiba grinned. Shino hit him.

“This is stupid…” Neji rolled his stinging Byakugan eyes. “Can we go home now, Master Gai?”

“In a moment… Where's Lee?” Gai frowned and looked about.

“Uh…” Kankuro hesitated, “He and Gaara… um… teleported… somewhere…”

Gai's eyes widened, and filled with tears.

“Ugh… Here we go again…” Tenten groaned.

“WHHHAAAAAAHHH!!!!”

Tsunade frowned in thought, then hit herself in disgust, “We could have teleported out, too!”

“Gods, we're stupid…” Choji chuckled.

“Those ANBU and Black Ops guys were probably laughing at us the whole time…” Neji sighed.

“GUYS!!!” Naruto shouted suddenly, “WHAT ABOUT SASUKE?!”

Asuma frowned, “H-hey! How did you get out of the KHSP? And where's Konohamaru?”

“Um…” Tenten went rather red.

“… You see…” Choji hesitated.

“… We…” Kiba couldn't say it either.

“… We escaped through the window!” Naruto finished hastily.

“… And Konohamaru?”

Ebisu winced, “Ah… well, you see…” he took Asuma aside and told him what had transpired.

“NO!” Asuma dropped to his knees, “I DON'T BELIEVE IT!” he stared at Orochimaru, anguish and hatred etched onto his face.

“Don't blame me!” the snake summoner shrugged, “His little chant was driving me crazy!”

 

{??? Heheheh… - Author 2}

 

Asuma: C-crazy? I was crazy once.

They l-locked me in a p-paddock, and I liked it there, so I d-died there.

They b-buried me where the flowers g-grew!

One g-grew up!

One grew d-down!

One even t-tickled my n-nose; it drove me nutz!

N-nutz!

I l-like nutz! I like almonds t-too!

P-peanuts drive me c-crazy!

Crazy? I wa- AAAAHHHHH!!!

 

*Kurenai begins chasing him screaming “POKEMON!!!” *

 

{End!}

 

{Meanwhile… Back in the KHSP…}

 

“Muhahahahaha…”

“Iwuka… pwease… I'm sowwy! No mowwe! Whahhh!”

“MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

“*Sob… *”

 

{Back Outside}

 

Shikamaru stood in the forest outside the KHSP, picking mushrooms. Life was good right now. Sure, it would change once they got back home, but for now…

“Man… I needed that vacation time…” he mused. Then he looked up. “Oh…”

 

{??? … The… last… song… sadness… - Author 2}

 

*Shikamaru begins walking away aimlessly, mesmerized by the clouds. *

 

Shikamaru: I see trees of green... red roses, too.
I see em' bloom... for me and for you.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

Shikamaru: I see skies of blue... clouds of white.
Bright blessed days… dark sacred nights.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

Shikamaru: The colors of a rainbow... so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces... of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands... saying how do you do.
They're really saying... I love you.

Shikamaru: I hear babies cry... I watch them grow.
They'll learn much more... than I'll never know.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

*Random fuzzy animals begin dancing around him. *

Shikamaru: The colors of a rainbow... so pretty in the sky.
Are there on the faces... of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands... saying how do you do?
They're really saying... I love you.

Shikamaru: I hear babies cry... I watch them grow.
You know their gonna learn,
A whole lot more than I'll never know.
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

Shikamaru: Yes, I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

 

*He walks off into the sunset. *

 

{End}

 

 

{THE END}

 

 

Author 2, here! I'm going to give you a bit of a clue-in on what happens to the characters after this musical! Yay!

 

Akamaru and Kiba: Akamaru continues to grow at an alarming rate. He is now the size of a small elephant. Kiba is still a loud-mouthed ass. No surprises there.

 

ANBU Squad Leader: He was sent off on a top-secret mission assigned by Tsunade…

 

ANBU # 2: This dumb guy decided to help Ebisu out with his new job.

 

ANBU #4: He stayed behind at the KHSP…

 

ANBU # 13: He decided to become a pornography artist and worked for Jiraiya.

 

Anko: She is now a resident of the Konoha Mental Institute.

 

Asuma: He has become a slavering drunk, and is often seen at the local bar with Kurenai and Gai.

 

Choji: He goes on a special diet. It's not working.

 

Ebisu: Due to Iruka Umino's absence, Ebisu has been force to take the chuunin's position as a shinobi academy teacher, to his utter horror.

 

Gaara and Rock Lee: Gaara's new emotional outlet- that is to say, Lee- proves to be quite effective, in that, he hasn't killed anyone unnecessarily since the incident at the KHSP. He is rather concerned for his brother, Kankuro… Poor Lee hasn't seen the outside of Gaara's house since they arrived in Sunagakure.

 

Gai: Gai, heartbroken at the loss of his student, sinks into a deep depression and spends most of his time at the local bar in Konoha with Asuma and Kurenai.

 

Hinata and Neji: Neji, it turns out, has gone blind. He suspects it has something to do with the bursting of his blood vessels after vomiting his guts out at the sight of his cousin's provocative dance. To his utter horror and disbelief, it is Hinata who cares for him after this.

 

Ibiki and the Black Ops: The Black Ops follow around Ibiki, making his paranoid thoughts of being stalked a reality. They all seem to find this very amusing. Ibiki eventually ends up in the Konoha Mental Institute with Anko because of this, and proceeds to kill every beetle in the complex.

 

Iruka and Kakashi: They seem to have vanished, but in reality, they never left the KHSP. Iruka and Kakashi are still there… guess what they're doing…

 

Itachi: Itachi is now being sought after for the kidnapping of Sasuke, his brother. In fact, that is the current assignment for the ANBU Squad Leader.

 

Jiraiya, Kabuto, and Orochimaru: The Fifth Hokage witnessed Orochimaru and Kabuto sprinting through the forest when she was out on one of her walks. She watched in amusement as both shouted indistinctly… and then watched in horror as Orochimaru ran back in the opposite direction. Kabuto screamed, “Lord Orochimaru!! Where the hell are you going?!” and the other replied, “I DON'T KNOW!!”. Tsunade then saw something she never wanted to see again; Orochimaru sucking like a leech off of her other old comrade… She then decided she'd best find a new walking route.

 

Kankuro: Kankuro vanished while walking back to Sunagakure with Temari. The only hint of her brother's disappearance was a pair of glasses.

 

Kisame and Tazuna: Tazuna returned with Kisame to the Land of Waves, where they broke bread and drank cough syrup at tea time… Don't ask… Author 1 is… weird.

 

Kurenai: She hangs out with Gai and Asuma at the bar. She has often leapt out of her seat after consuming an abhorrent amount of sake and screamed, “HA! I PONED YOU AT POKEMON!!! YOU'VE BEEN PONED!!! PONED!!!!” Most people just ignore her.

 

Naruto: Being the only remaining member of Team 7, Naruto returns home, alone and worried for his missing friend, Sasuke.

 

Sasuke: Sasuke, kidnapped by his brother, is now being held in a yet un-known location…

 

Shikamaru: He vanished into the jungle-like area that surrounds the KHSP. No one has seen him since…

 

Shino: Shino, too, has vanished. Several people believe that Itachi has taken Shino, Kankuro, and Shikamaru in addition to Sasuke…

 

Temari: Temari sprinted back home after Kankuro vanished to inform Gaara that their brother was missing…

 

Tenten: She has reluctantly become Gai's caretaker of sorts, for the jonin has fallen apart at the loss of his protégé.

 

Tsunade: Tsunade is now preparing a series of search and rescue missions for Sasuke, Shikamaru, Shino, and Kankuro with Gaara. This will be even harder than anyone could foresee…

 

As for the others:

 

The ANBU Pizza Dude, Dosu, Haku, Hayate, Inari, Ino, Konohamaru, Sakura, Sarutobi, Shisui, Yashamaru (Yashamaru is THE DEVIL!!! Most evil person next to the Fourth Kazekage-who is also dead- EVIL!!!), and Zabuza are still dead. Yay.

 

Author 1 still thinks that Zaku is alive. Whatever…

 

Orochimaru's snakes have been sent back to the snake pit, for they tried to kill Jiraiya.

 

Jiraiya's toads are happy because he is happy.

 

We didn't put Kin, Pakkun, or any of the other characters in here because we're lazy bums and they're stupid. And so are Sai and Yamato. They're stupid. Really, really stupid. Super duper skee pooperscooper stooper stupid… Okay, I'm done.

 

We didn't change Orochimaru's physical appearance to how it is in the later part of the Naruto series because we didn't want to. (See the above for clarification.)

 

 

That's all, folks… for the first Naruto Musical, at any rate…

That's right… We're not done… Prequel! Sequel! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bigger! Faster! Stronger! Sex-craved monger! (Yes, I mean you, Author 1)… Eheheh…

Later! - Author 2