Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto vs. Sasuke The Aftermath ❯ Difficult Conversations and Painful Realizations ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter 7 Summary: Naruto and Kakashi have a talk that is long overdue. Meanwhile, Tsunade and Jiraiya finally have a conversation that has been brewing for 35 years. In which both reach painful conclusions about themselves and their relationship.

 

Naruto vs. Sasuke The Aftermath

 

 

Chapter 7: Difficult Conversations and Painful Realizations”

 

 

It was start of the lunch hour at Konoha hospital when Kakashi arrived. Upon leaving Lady Tsunade's office, he had walked the streets of Konoha for a bit, trying to think of what he was going to say to Naruto. Eventually, he came within the vicinity of Naruto's favorite restaurant Ichiraku Ramen. Kakashi knew that Naruto would certainly enjoy some takeout, as opposed to the food he would receive at the hospital. So, after purchasing a large quantity of Naruto's favorite Ramen dishes, he set off for the hospital and a conversation with his student that was long overdue. Before Kakashi even reached Naruto's room, he could hear him arguing with the nurse about the quality and taste of the food they were serving to him.

 

“I don't care what you say, I'd sooner starve than eat that stuff! Take it away, the smell alone is going to make me puke!” And with that said, Naruto folded his arms and grimaced his face into the most stubborn look he could achieve.

 

“Fine Naruto, we'll just see what the doctor has to say about this.” The nurse replied as she took the tray and began to leave.

 

“Well give him this message about the food from me, thwpppppppp!” As he stuck his tongue out and gave the raspberry to the exiting nurse.

 

Kakashi had just reached the door at this point and narrowly avoided bumping into the obviously annoyed nurse. He stepped through the doorway and announced.

 

“Ichiraku Ramen to the rescue!”

 

When Naruto heard those five words, he began to grin from ear to ear and began to say.

 

“Kakashi Sen - -`” before pausing a moment as his smile lessened and in a more subdued tone said.

 

“Kakashi, is that really Ichiraku's Ramen?”

 

Kakashi's heart sank a little bit at Naruto's greeting. It was the first time he had ever addressed him without the title Sensei. He knew right then that Naruto must have already learned about what happened yesterday. He wasn't upset at Naruto; he had no right to be. However, the sting he felt upon hearing his greeting hit him harder than he had ever imagined it would. Kakashi only hoped that Naruto would be far more understanding with him, than he had ever been with Naruto. Quickly shaking off his angst, he pulled up a chair next to Naruto and said.

 

“You bet it is, all your favorites and some vegetables too.”

 

“Uggh, you just had to include some vegetables?” Naruto said with a groan.

 

“You can't become the next Hokage on ramen alone Naruto.” Kakashi replied.

 

“I can't become the next Hokage without a teacher either, so what's the point?” Naruto dejectedly says.

 

Kakashi winced when he heard this. There would be no easing into this conversation with Naruto. True to his nature, Naruto was as blunt and direct to the point as ever. Kakashi slowly got up while Naruto quietly ate and locked the door to the room. This was going to be a private talk with Naruto. He then came back and sat back down. Then taking a deep breath, he began to speak.

 

“Naruto, I take it you've heard about me disbanding Team #7 and resigning as Sensei. I want to apologize to you for hearing about that from anyone but me. It's one of the many things I came here today to talk to you about. I'll try to explain my reasons for that decision, and I only hope that you understand?” Kakashi says in a penitent voice.

 

Naruto stops eating and looks at his former Sensei and quietly says.

 

“I already understand the most important mission I've been assigned to and I failed it, because I choked. I could have completed it, but I couldn't follow through. If I were in your position, I wouldn't want to train a traitor, his fan girl, or a loser either. You don't have to explain anything Kakashi Sensei, I, I, mean Kakashi.” As Naruto drops his head in shame, he hears Kakashi ask him to look at him.

 

The sting Kakashi had felt earlier was nothing compared to the hurt he felt at that moment. As Naruto slowly lifted his head to face him, Kakashi said.

 

“Your wrong Naruto, I do need to explain this to you and some other things as well. But first, I need to know what happened out there? Why do you think you failed, I don't?” I've read the reports from the others, I know everyone and especially you were put into an almost impossible situation to succeed. Why do you blame yourself?”

 

“Because it is my fault that the mission failed in the end. You see I could have brought Sasuke back. I'll tell you what happened an then you'll realize that fact.” Naruto replies in earnest, and then begins his tale.

 

“The fight with Sasuke was tooth and nail the whole way. As hard as I fought to bring him back and keep my promise to Sakura, he fought just as hard to leave and join up with that snake bastard. I tried and I tried to talk him out of doing this during the battle, but he just wouldn't listen? In the end, he began charging up his Chidori to a level I had never seen before and said he was going to kill me. He said he had no choice, it was the only way he could attain the Mangekyou Sharigan. I responded by charging up my Rasengan, and then he charged at me screaming the whole way. I then charged at him and when we met is when I choked and doomed the mission to failure.”

 

“What do you mean you choked Naruto?” Kakashi asks.

 

“I mean I had charged my Rasengan up to a point where I could have taken him out, maybe even killed him? I had a direct bead on his chest, but at the last possible instant, I pulled up at hit him in his forehead protector instead. I just couldn't go through with it and possibly kill him? I really thought he was my friend and I believed that he would pull up as well. Well, you saw the results of that brilliant belief on my part. So, now do you understand, you always taught us that the mission comes first. If I had followed through like a true shinobi would have, instead of the failure I am, the mission would have been completed. Then you wouldn't have to be ashamed to be the Sensei of this team anymore, or of me.” Naruto finishes saying, the regret evident in his voice.

 

Kakashi sits in muted shock trying to absorb everything Naruto has just told him. Finally after a minute, he lifts his head and in a voice filled with pride says.

 

“Your wrong Naruto, I'm not ashamed to be your Sensei. In fact after what you've just told me, I can't begin to describe how proud I am of your actions on this mission”

 

“Pr, proud Kakashi Sensei, but why I failed the mission?” Naruto questions.

 

“You failed nothing Naruto, I did teach you that the mission comes first, but didn't I also teach you that that those who don't care about their comrades are worse than those who don't follow the rules.” Kakashi says with determination.

 

“Yeah you did Kakashi Sensei, it was during the bell test right? I guess I forgot about that?” Naruto replies.

 

“Naruto, you may not have consciously remembered it, but in the end your actions proved you understood it. No, the only people who failed to remember that principle were your teammates. I need you to understand and believe this when I tell you that I feel no shame towards you or how you conducted yourself on this mission. The only shame I feel is in your teammates and in myself for failing to instill into them what you already know. The only failure in this room right now is me. I didn't disband Team #7 to stop being your Sensei Naruto. I did it because I wanted to be your Sensei on a full time basis. You're the only student I have whose nindo is both worthy and honorable. I'm going to do all I can to help you become stronger and be the next Hokage. I didn't do a very good job in helping you in the past, but I'm going to make up for that now, if you'll let me?” Kakashi states emphatically with hope in his voice.

 

Naruto sat in his hospital bed staring at his Sensei in disbelief. He had been so sure that he had failed Kakashi that it had to be the reason why he would dissolve the team and resign. He didn't know what to say; to hear his teacher tell him how proud he was of him was something rare in Naruto's life. Only Umino Iruke had ever expressed any pride towards him before in the past. After a moment, Kakashi's final words began to sink in and Naruto began to smile again and gleefully asks.

 

“Do you mean it Kakashi Sensei? You really want to train me alone, full time?”

 

“I do Naruto more than anything, but I have to tell you, we won't be alone. In fact I'll be more like an assistant Sensei and training partner for you. We'll both be under the tutelage of the legendary Sannin Jiraiya.” Kakashi replies.

 

“Pervy sage, is he really that good?” Naruto asks.

 

“I know you have a hard time believing this Naruto, but Jiriaya is one of the greatest shinobi to ever live. I truly believe that with his guidance, you can one day even surpass your father and also become a legendary shinobi in your own right.” Kakashi says with confidence.

 

“My father, you know who my father is Kakashi Sensei?” Naruto bolts up asking.

 

Kakashi was surprised that Naruto hadn't been told this yet. He didn't realize that his fellow Jounin had instructed their students not to discuss this matter with Naruto until he was informed of his true heritage.

 

“Yes Naruto, Jiraiya and I decided yesterday that it is time for the truth to come out. Your father was both a student of Jiraiya and my very own Sensei. He was the greatest shinobi this village has ever produced and its bravest Hokage. Naruto, you are the only son of Yondaime, the 4th Hokage and savior of the Hidden Leaf village.”

 

Naruto had always dreamed that his father was a legendary ninja, but upon hearing who he actually was, he literally fainted.

 

`I guess I should have eased him into that a little bit better.' Kakashi thought, as he adjusted the pillow under Naruto's head and sat down waiting for him to wake up with the myriad of questions he was sure to ask upon hearing this news.

 

Meanwhile, back at Hokage tower, two legendary Sannin lay on the floor of Lady Tsunade's office, panting and exhausted from their private meeting. As Tsunade rested her head on Jiraiya's chest she says appreciatively.

 

“Well you might a lazy degenerate fool in everything else, but you're still a master at one thing. You still know how to push all the right buttons with me.”

 

Jiraiya smiled and lovingly kissed the top of her head before reaching into his satchel to retrieve a very small box and says with sincerity.

 

“Only you bring out the best in me my lady, and I would be happy to make this a full time effort on my part, if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

 

He then opened the box and presented to Tsunade the largest diamond ring she had ever seen in her entire life.

 

Tsunade was captivated for a moment by the sheer brilliance and beauty of the ring before she closed the box and handed it back to Jiraiya and groaning with frustration said.

 

“Damn it Jiraiya, not again! Why can't you accept the way things are?”

 

Jiraiya angrily got off the floor and walked over to the entrance of the balcony to gaze at Hokage mountain, before finally speaking, the hurt evident in his tone.

 

“Accept what Tsunade? Am I supposed to accept being some sort of sex toy whom you secretly fuck for your own pleasure and amusement? Well, I've grown weary of this. We've been doing this dance for 35 years now, and I want more! I've always wanted more! Tell me something, do you have any love in your heart for me at all?”

 

Tsunade upon hearing this rose to her feet her body quivering and a tear streaming down her cheek to angrily say.

 

“How can you even ask me that? I bore you a son 35 years ago! Isn't that enough to prove I have love for you?”

 

“Yes, you gave me a son, a son you never told me about. A son I didn't get to meet until he was 12 years old. A magnificent son I had to watch die, 9 years after that. We had a magical night 35 years ago the first time I made love to you. But in all honesty Tsunade, the fact that we produced such a wonderful child is not a testament of your love for me? It is only the biological results of that special night so long ago.” Jiraiya says with despair.

 

“You can't lay all of that on me Jiraiya, you're the one who left 35 years ago not me!” Tsunade replies, her voice still ringing with anger and sadness.

 

“What choice did I have? I asked you to marry me that night and you rejected me! I had nothing left to keep me here! No family, not the girl I loved, my training with Sarutobi was done, nothing! Besides, someone had to keep an eye on your childhood boyfriend after he betrayed us all!” Jiraiya responds with resentment.

 

“Damn you Jiraiya, I was 16 when you first asked me to marry you, a child practically. I didn't know what I wanted? As for not telling you about our child, I'm sorry but you were gone, and I was alone and scared and I didn't know what to do, and I certainly didn't know what you would do either? And you know damn well that Orochimaru was never my boyfriend! It was just a simple crush that's all?” Tsunade pleadingly says.

 

“Those are convenient excuses my dear. We stopped being children the night we made love and conceived our child that first time. The reason you just gave for not telling me about our son is rather insulting to me don't you think? You were all alone by choice! You knew if you told me about him, I would have come back in a heartbeat, and not just for him, but for you as well. Yes, I believe you were scared, but it wasn't from not knowing what to do. You were scared to face me! That I would insist upon marriage for us! It's sad now that I think about it. For you to believe that I would ever force anything upon you without your consent just proves how little you understand how deep my love is for you? And I know it was a crush, but it was a crush that I had to endure all those years growing up. Always, finishing second in your eyes to him. Always giving my love to you and never having it returned until that night. Then, when I asked you to be my wife and you said no, it was the final straw I guess? I just couldn't take the pain anymore of loving you so much only to be rejected time and time again. So, yes I did leave. But the funny thing is the love I have for you never went away, nor did the pain.” Jiraiya replies in an anguished voice, as he puts away the ring and slowly begins to put his clothes on.

 

Tsunade sank into her chair in a heap, she knew deep down that everything Jiraiya had said to her was the truth. All she could do was stare at the father of her only child as he finished dressing and quietly says to him.

 

“You could have come back, I wouldn't have minded?”

 

Jiraiya paused for a moment and looked at his lifetime love before saying.

 

“I did come back my love. I came back after the death of your little brother Nawaki to help and comfort you. We ended up making love again and I asked you to marry me once more. And again you rejected me? Don't you remember? I also came back a few years after that to try once more to win your heart? However upon my return, I found you had fallen in love with a Jounin named Dan. I saw the two of you together with a little boy whom I could only guess was yours and his child. The pain of seeing you was unbearable and I cursed myself and swore never to return to the Leaf village again. I went to pay my respects to Sarutobi Sensei and it was he who finally broke his promise to you and told me the little boy I saw was not Dan's son but mine. He asked me to stay and foster a relationship with the child, but I couldn't.”

 

“You hated us that much Jiraiya?” Tsunade responds angrily.

 

“You misunderstand my lady, I saw how happy you were and I loved you too much to interfere in that happiness. Perhaps I could have stayed, but the pain would have been torture, seeing you so happy and knowing I could never be a part of your life and give you that happiness that I had so longed to do. It cost me my son for a number of years, but Sarutobi had told me that Dan was a decent and honorable man and would raise my son with great care and affection. So, I left you to your happiness and me to my despair and vowed never to return.” Jiraiya replies trying to hold back his own tears.

 

Tsunade looked up, and saw the tears in his eyes begin to flow. She had never realized how much he placed her happiness above his own. Even at the cost of his son. She didn't know what to say and then remembered something and said stammering.

 

“But, but, you did return again, I remember?”

 

“Yes Tsunade, I did return once more. Sarutobi had contacted me after the death of Dan and pleaded with me to come back. He was growing concerned with how his death was affecting you and in turn affecting our child. I thought a long time about doing this and what it might mean? I didn't relish the idea of being the second choice once again, first to Orochimaru and now to Dan. Eventually, I decided that I wanted to make sure that the only two people I truly loved were alright? So, I swallowed my pride and pain and did come back. If you recall, I stayed for several months before you finally reached out to me. I was so happy when you did, and we ended up making love once more. Foolishly, I believed that you did truly love me and I asked you again to be my wife. When you didn't reject my proposal straight off and said you would give me your answer in the morning, I was happier than I had ever been in my life. I was so sure that you had finally opened your heart to me and we could be the family I had always dreamed of. Imagine the pain I felt when I awoke to a note pinned on your pillow with two words written on it, I'm Sorry. I suppose the only positive out of your leaving was that it forced me to stay and take care of my son, even if he didn't know who I was. I couldn't very well leave the boy who had now lost his mother as well as his father figure within a span of a few months. Eventually, Sarutobi told him the truth about who I was and we were able to develop relationship. The common bond by the way being how much we both loved and missed you!”

 

Tsunade sat in her chair quietly weeping. There was nothing she could say to Jiraiya to justify her actions, or how badly she had hurt him over and over again over the years. She slowly began to put her clothes back on, her head hanging down, to ashamed to even look at Jiraiya anymore. As Jiraiya leaned against the wall and watched his love get dressed in silence he finally spoke once more.

 

“I guess there isn't anything left to say? I'm sorry Tsunade this was my fault. I foolishly let my dream take hold of me again, when I asked you to be my wife once more. I should have realized that you reached out to me for comfort in response to almost losing our grandson. It seems to be the pattern in our lives, but it ends today. You need not worry about me proposing marriage to you anymore. I will give up that dream.”

 

As Jiraiya slowly turned towards the balcony to leave the office, he heard Tsunade speak in a choked voice and ask.

 

“You, you, don't love me anymore?”

 

Jiraiya paused and without looking back quietly replied.

 

“Of course I still love you Tsunade. I love you as much today as I did 35 years ago, and I'll always love you till the day I die. I've just come to the realization that no matter how much I love you, your heart will never be mine. I only hope Naruto doesn't take 35 years to reach this conclusion with Sakura. He's been through so much in his short life, he deserves someone whom he can give his love to and have it returned. I don't want my grandson wasting the prime years of his life chasing after a hopeless dream like I did.”

 

“You're comparing me to Sakura?” Tsunade says defensively.

 

Jiraiya turns to look back at Tsunade, and in a stern voice he says.

 

“I don't mean it to be an insult my love, but yes! The parallels are too strikingly similar when you think about it. Deep down, I think you know it as well. If I've hurt you by saying this, I'm sorry. If its any consolation, you at least recognized with his betrayal what an evil being Orochimaru truly is. I don't however believe Sakura will ever accept this fact about Sasuke. I almost shudder to think what it will take for that girl to finally come to that realization. But for her sake, it had better be sooner than later. Goodbye Tsunade.”

 

As Jiraiya turns back to exit the room via the balcony, Tsunade pleading, calls out to him.

 

“Wait Jiraiya, please don't go!”

 

“I'm sorry Tsunade, but there's no reason for me to stay? I'll be in the village periodically to help train Naruto with Kakashi. Once that is completed, I'll go and you won't have to deal with this lovesick fool anymore. I love you Tsunade, may you finally find someone you can love and get the happiness you deserve.”

 

And with that Jiraiya leapt off the balcony and into the streets of Konoha, leaving a visibly shaken Hokage clutching her arms to say to herself still weeping.

 

“I do love you Jiraiya. I've just never known how to say it to you?”