Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Never Too Late ❯ Chapter 1
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: darkjewel 
A one-shot that just had to be written. Beware of angst and discussion involving suicide. Yes, this is yaoi, no matter what it might look like. I do not own Naruto or the song that inspired this story. Thanks!
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 05.16.2008 | Pages: 31 | Words: 26.7K | Visits: 5.5K | Status: Completed
A one-shot that just had to be written. Beware of angst and discussion involving suicide. Yes, this is yaoi, no matter what it might look like. I do not own Naruto or the song that inspired this story. Thanks!
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 05.16.2008 | Pages: 31 | Words: 26.7K | Visits: 5.5K | Status: Completed
Even if I say it'll be all right,
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now, why can't we try to just stay alive,
Maybe we'll turn it all around `cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.
-Never Too Late, 3 Days Grace
----
Nobody would miss him. And that was okay. Really, it was.
Lee stared up at the moon, feeling blood drying on his face. That blood was not his. That blood belonged to one of the rogue shinobi lying on the ground in pieces around him. A sharp rock was digging into his knee, but he ignored it. `I finished my mission. My first S-rank mission. I should be happy.'
The world swam a bit, and Lee looked down at his blood soaked arm. That blood was his, draining into the sandy soil at the edges of Konoha. He had chased this band for weeks before bringing them down for his Hokage, single handedly. They never saw him coming, the jounin with no chakra.
`I should put pressure on that or I will bleed to death. I know how. It was part of my training.' Lee started to reach for the wound, but faltered. `No one knows where I am. No one will ask for me. Tsunade-sama will send someone to follow up eventually if I do not return. Maybe . . . maybe I should be here.'
Thought was becoming difficult. Lee looked up at the moon again, watching it blur and swim through his tears. `Yes. It can be over. I have done all I can. I do not want to go home anymore. It will be okay. No one will mind. They will put my name on the memorial stone. Maybe they will even have a memorial service. I wonder if anyone will go.' Ignoring memories of forgotten birthdays and weeks spent alone in the village, Lee slipped to the ground.
`I am tired of being forgotten. I have missed you, Gai-sensei. I will see you soon.'
----
“Hey, Gaara! You're never going to believe what I found!”
The Kazekage set his brush down and studied his older brother. “You just got back from border patrol.”
Kankuro leaned on the doorframe. “Yeah, and it looks like Konoha misplaced one of their jounin. I'm tellin' you, they need to be more careful with their toys.”
“Jounin?”
“Yeah. Found that Lee guy half dead on the border. Looks like he took out some ninja, then went down from blood loss. He's at the hospital. Hasn't woken up since we found him. We were lucky Matsuri was with us, she was able to keep him alive for the trip back.”
Gaara pushed his chair back and stood. “Send a message to Tsunade that we have one of her jounin in our care.”
“Sure thing.” Kankuro moved to let his brother past.
The hospital was not far from the Kazekage's tower. In a matter of minutes he had found the room that held the Konoha-nin and the medi-nin that was in charge of his care.
“Kazekage-sama.” The medi-nin bowed. “Don't worry about this young man. His injuries are actually not that severe. His life isn't in danger.”
Gaara looked down at the man resting on the hospital bed. “What happened?”
“Matsuri-san said that he was found on a battle field, and his injuries are consistent with a high level battle. He has some wide spread damage that I don't fully understand, but it is repairing nicely. His femur is shattered, and it will take a few weeks and multiple treatments to get him back on his feet, but I'm expecting a complete recovery.” The medi-nin paused, his expression becoming thoughtful. “But there is one thing that I don't understand.”
“And that is?”
“The blood loss.” Lee's arm was lifted, showing gauze wrapped from his wrist almost up to his elbow. “This was the only wound that was bleeding significantly when Matsuri-san found him. It cut through several arteries, but it was not a mortal wound. He had time. From his position and condition, Matsuri-san thinks he was conscious after the battle. Why didn't he stop the bleeding?”
Gaara looked away from the man on the bed, focusing on the medi-nin. “Perhaps he did not know how.”
“I know the Konoha medics. If this shinobi is a jounin, like everyone keeps telling me he is, he should have been able to stop the bleeding, even if he was half dead. There are no signs of drugs or poison. It's like he just . . . ignored it.”
“We will ask him what happened once he wakes up. Something must have prevented him from tending to it.” Gaara crossed his arms, tapping an index fingers against his bicep. “When will he wake?”
“Should be any time. Matsuri-san did a good job stabilizing him, and aside from his leg, the worst of his injuries have been healed.”
“Notify me as soon as he is up.”
Gaara walked away, returning to his office. The jounin was stable and notification was already on its way to Tsunade. There was nothing else to be done until the man could tell them what happened.
----
It hurt. Since Lee was fairly certain that there was no pain after death, he knew something had gone wrong. He could hear a quiet beep and something that sounded like off key humming. When he forced his eyes open, his worst suspicions were confirmed. `A hospital.' A weak groan scraped at his dry throat.
“Hmm?” A woman looked up from checking his chart, meeting his weak gaze. “You're awake! Tanaka-san will be so happy. I'll go get him. Do you need anything before I go? Water?”
Lee smiled and shook his head. It was too late now. He was amongst the living, and it looked like he would be staying awhile.
“I'll be right back.”
Once the medic-nin was gone, the smile faded away to nothing. `Someone must have found me. It sounded like she had a Suna accent. A Sungakure squad must have sensed the battle. I am certain they have already contacted my Kage and let her know I am here.'
It felt like a massive weight settled on his chest. One of the monitors started to whine, picking up the change in his pulse. Lee took a breath, controlling his heart's rhythm with ease. When his door opened again, all of the monitors were normal.
“Ah, Rock-san, it's good to see you awake.” An unfamiliar man came around and checked his eyes with a pen light. “How are you feeling?”
“Quite well, thank you!” Lee smiled at the medi-nin, talking around the thermometer that had been stuffed into his mouth. “I am in Suna, correct? I will need to thank my rescuers! I did not know anyone else was in the area.”
“Lee, he is trying to take your temperature.”
The jounin snapped his head around, making the medic-nin growl a bit while trying to conduct his examination, to stare at the new voice. “Gaara!”
The Kazekage stared at him, expression blank. “Let him finish.”
Lee sat obediently through the rest of the check, biting at the inside of his cheek to keep from talking.
“Well, Rock-san, the good news is that you will make a complete recovery from your injuries. The bad news is that you will need to stay off of that leg for a few weeks. Your femur was completely shattered, and it's going to take a lot of work to get it back into working order again.” The medic-nin drew Lee's attention to his leg, coated in plaster with pins and braces sticking out.
Swallowing hard at the sight of his leg, Lee nodded. “Thank you, Tanaka-san.”
“I need to talk to Lee.”
Lee felt his face drain of color at the Kage's words and tone. The medic-nin left without protest, leaving him alone with the redhead. “Yes, Gaara-sama?”
“What happened on your mission?”
The jounin blanched. “I am not authorized to discuss my mission. It was S-rank.”
“I do not care about why you were hunting them, or who they were. We found six bodies. Were you successful?”
Lee could not prevent the sigh of relief. “Yes. That was all of them.”
“Your leg was shattered in the fight, and your arm was cut. The doctor also mentioned wide spread damage.”
“I opened some forbidden gates.”
“Is that why you did not tend to your arm to keep from bleeding to death?”
The monitors picked up a surge in Lee's pulse before he was able to bring it back under control. “I . . . I was exhausted, Gaara-sama. I just did not get the wrap on fast enough. When I return to Konoha, I will be certain to register for more first aid training!”
“You never did learn to hide your emotions. Why did you not stop the bleeding?”
Lee sighed. “I was tired.”
“You wanted to die.”
“I . . . “ Protests faded away. Lee had nothing to say to that. He had wanted to die on that battlefield.
“Do I need to post a guard?”
“A guard?” Lee looked around the room. “Am I in danger?”
“From yourself, it would seem.”
“What? Oh, no, Gaara-sama! I would not do that. I was just tired. Honestly!”
Gaara stared at him for a long moment before nodding. “You will talk to a counselor tomorrow.”
“Of course, Gaa . . . ra-sama . . . “ Lee trailed off. The redhead had not even waited for his reply before leaving.
The room was silent outside of the beeping machinery. Lee closed his eyes and controlled his breathing, keeping panic and frustration at bay. `This was why I did not want to come back anymore. I am so tired of being alone. They will repair my leg, then send me back to Tsunade-sama. I hope Ten-ten remembered to water my plants this time. I know she has a daughter now, but I did not know who else to ask. I always feel bad when I come home from a mission and all of the plants I am responsible for are dead.'
Studying his arm, Lee continued his breathing exercises. He hated being alone like this. And from the sounds of it, he would be in a foreign hospital for weeks. He would not even have a passing chance of seeing anyone he knew. `I am strong. I will make it through this. Tsunade-sama gave me an S-rank mission, and I succeeded. Maybe she will give me another one . . . `
----
“Hey, Gaara, how's the stray?”
“Suicidal.” The Kazekage toed his sandals off and left the gourd by the door before continuing into the house he shared with his siblings.
“Most of the shinobi from Konoha are.” Kankuro studied the package of noodles he was holding. “Is it five minutes after you put it in, or five minutes after it starts boiling?”
“This one is actually looking to die. After boiling.”
“So he cut his own wrist?”
“No, but he did not try to stop it. He wants to die.”
Kankuro turned on the stove to boil the water. “Then why doesn't he just do it himself?”
“I do not know. A counselor will talk to him tomorrow.”
“He better not off himself now, Tsunade would be pissed.”
“Hn.” Gaara sat at the kitchen table, lost in his own thoughts. `Why would he want to die?'
----
“So, Rock-san, how are you feeling today?”
Lee smiled brilliantly at the first person he had talked to all day and offered a thumbs up. “I am in the full springtime of my youth! Thank you for asking!”
Nodding slowly, the woman jotted down a note. “That's great to hear. And how have things been going lately?”
“I have had a minor set back, since I hurt my leg, but I have completed my first S-rank mission! Tsundade-sama will be pleased to hear that the threat has been removed.”
“That's great. And did anything unusual happen on your mission?”
Lee's impressive brows lowered. “I am not allowed to discuss the mission without the specific orders of my Hokage.”
“That's not what I was talking about, Rock-san. I was asking if anything personal happened.”
“I broke my leg . . . “ Lee gave the woman a blank stare.
Jotting down more notes, the counselor took a deep breath. “I'll cut to the chase. The Kazekage thinks you're suicidal.”
“Ah, Gaara-sama is still worried that I will harm myself. Do not worry! My injury was from the enemy, and I have no intention of harming myself! If I do, I will run 300 laps around the village backwards!”
The counselor blinked at him, then scribbled some notes. “So, Rock-san, tell me about your youth.”
“Yosh!”
----
“He's not suicidal, he's insane!”
Gaara thumbed through the report dropped on his desk, barely glancing at the counselor. “You do not think he will harm himself?”
“I don't know, does running around the village 300 times mean he's harming himself?”
“Not when you are talking about Lee.” Gaara skimmed her notes. “ `The patient does not show any sign of suicidal thought or self destructive behavior, even though he does have some possibly dangerous compulsions regarding self-challenges, and displayed an optimistic and cheerful demeanor throughout the interview'.”
The woman shrugged her shoulders helplessly. “He's insane, but at least he's happy.”
“That will be all.”
After the counselor left, Gaara dropped her report in the garbage and wrote a note for his sister. `We need to arrange for a counselor that specializes in high ranking shinobi. Civilian counselors are useless for cases like this.'
An aide took the message away, leaving Gaara to think. `Will he kill himself? If he dies while under Suna's care, it will be a diplomatic incident.' For a long time, he watched the shadows grow across the training grounds outside of his office and thought about the injured jounin lying in the hospital.
----
`How many days have I been here? Three? Four? It feels as though I have been here forever.' Lee idly flipped through an out-of-date magazine from the rack next to his bed. Aside from the counselor and a few polite words with the medi-nins, he had spoken to no one in days. He had no visitors. Hopefully there would be a note soon from Tsunade. At least, he hoped there would be a note for him. He knew Gaara would receive a note with instructions on what to do with the wayward jounin, but he could not give up hope that his Kage would send a note for him personally. A token that someone knew he was there and still alive. It would be nice if it made a difference that he had not died in the dirt at the edge of Konoha.
The ache was back in his chest, and he dragged a scarred hand over his hospital gown absently. Maybe he would get a visitor. Gaara knew he was there, and that meant his siblings also knew. Relations had been friendly enough, once the chunin exams were put behind them. He had not seen them in some time, but maybe one of them would drop by to check on him.
Lee gazed at the door, his hand still trailing over his aching heart. Even as he tried to rally his spirit with the thought of visitors, he could not truly believe that anyone would check on him, or care if he died that night or the next. `I do not want to be here anymore.'
----
“Kazekage-sama, I'm concerned about the jounin.”
Gaara waved an aide out of his office. “Has he tried to hurt himself?”
“No, nothing like that. Every time I see him he's a polite, smiling young man. And I have never seen pain tolerance like his in my life. I'm shifting pieces of bone, and he is smiling and discussing the weather.” The medic-nin stood in front of the Kage's desk, struggling to explain himself. “But . . . something is wrong. I was suspicious, so I've been tracking his vitals continuously. He has attacks where his heart rate and breathing accelerate rapidly. He's showing every medical sign of being under intense stress, but he's not doing anything. We got him set up in a wheelchair. We thought he would improve with some freedom, but he won't go anywhere. He just stares out the window.”
“What are you trying to say, Tanaka-san?”
“I don't think he's suicidal. He's had plenty of opportunities for that. However, I think he just doesn't want to live anymore. He won't do it himself, but he would be more then happy if someone else did it.”
Gaara leaned back in his chair, eyes narrowing. “That is not much better. What do you suggest we do?”
“If his leg wasn't broken so badly, I'd say send him home. He's not getting any visitors, and it can't be helping. We need to get him going again. He needs a reason to keep fighting.”
Long moments passed while Gaara considered this new information. “I will go talk to him.”
----
Lee hated his wheelchair. This was much worse then crutches. He felt absolutely useless. The only benefit was that he could now look out the window. He watched as people walked past. A young couple exchanged a quick kiss and set off down the street, dodging a group of children playing together. His hand dragged over his chest.
“Lee.”
The sound of his name made the injured jounin jump, spinning his chair around to face the door. There stood the Kage he had not seen in a week. “Hello, Gaara-sama!”
“Let's go.”
“Go?” Lee rolled his chair away from the window. “Go where?”
“Outside. Away from this room.”
“Okay, Gaara-sama.” Lee followed after the redhead, carefully piloting his chair down the corridors and outside into the desert sun. He squinted and shaded his eyes with his hand. “Where are we going?”
“Have you eaten?” Gaara set off down the road.
“Not yet.” Lee quickly set off after the younger man.
Gaara glanced down at the jounin that was now at his side. “We will get lunch.”
“Yosh!” Lee easily kept pace with the Kage, wishing his hands were free for an enthusiastic gesture. After a week of boredom broken only by treatment for his leg, the idea of lunch with the reticent Kazekage was like a dream come true. “Perhaps you can tell me how things are going in your village, and I can update you on my own village.”
Gaara nodded.
“Wonderful! Did you hear that Naruto is engaged?”
----
“So, where have you been going for lunch lately? You used to eat in your office and drop things on your paperwork. I haven't seen any smudges in awhile.” Temari dropped a stack of reports on her brother's desk.
“I have been meeting with Lee.” Gaara pulled the top report off of the pile and glared at the title. “This was vetoed.”
“Tell that to your council.” Temari crossed her arms and propped her hip on the desk. “So, you're having lunch with Lee. How's he doing? Still planning on offing himself?”
“Not actively. I am still not sure why he wanted to die in the first place. The medic-nins have reported that he seems to be improving with our daily meetings.” Gaara glanced at the clock on his desk. “And I will need to leave soon for lunch.”
“So, you've taken over for the counselor. Do I still need to fill that req, or are you going to be the new specialist?” Temari grinned broadly at her scowling brother. “Just checking.”
“I will be back for the committee meeting.”
“Yeah, yeah. Have fun at your `session'.”
----
“Nonsense. There is no reason why a shinobi that has the option should not practice all three fields of shinobi skills. Even if they have little skill for it, they need to be aware of what is possible.”
Gaara grumbled a bit. “I am not ignoring taijutsu. I do not have time for specialized training right now.”
“If my leg was not broken, I would offer to train with you.” Lee poked at his lunch. “Maybe there will be another chance . . . some day.”
“Your leg will be healed in a couple of weeks. It is not that long.”
“Ah, but I will be going home as soon as I am able to. There will not be enough time.”
Shrugging, Gaara set his chopsticks down. “I do visit Konohagakure. We can train the next time I am out.”
“Of course, Gaara-sama.”
The tone of Lee's voice got away from him, and the Kazekage did not miss it. “You do not believe me.”
“Oh, no, it is nothing like that! I just . . . I mean, you are a Kage, and you will be very busy.” Lee grabbed his drink, looking for something to do with his hands.
“I am a Kage, so I can make time. You seem to think it is very important that I study more advanced taijutsu, and you are regarded as the top expert in that field.”
“Really? You would do that to train with me?”
Gaara sighed at the uncertainty in Lee's eyes. “I give you my word that I will train with you the next time we are both in the same village.”
“Thank you, Gaara-sama.”
The redhead studied the jounin, who was now poking at his lunch again. “Do you have a hard time finding training partners?”
“A little.” Lee set his chopsticks down and pushed his bowl away, appetite lost. “It is no one's fault, everyone is so busy, and with Gai-sensei gone . . . I can get a lot done by myself, but it would be nice to have a partner to check my form, or help me test new techniques.”
“What happened to your team?”
“We were disbanded. Neiji is in ANBU now, and Tenten is staying close to home. She has a new daughter, you know. It was a bit awkward, since none of the jounin cells needed a member. I wanted to teach, but that was not possible. I mostly run solo-ops now. It has been . . . almost two years since I worked with a team.”
“Would you rather be on a team?”
Lee's head tipped forward, hiding his eyes behind ink black locks. “It is my duty as a shinobi to run the missions that . . .”
“Lee.” Gaara pushed back from the table and crossed his arms. “The truth and not what you are supposed to say. You do not lie well.”
The jounin sagged a bit. He knew he was caught. Gaara could read him like a book. And part of him was relieved. Someone was asking. “Yes. I want a team. I am tired of being alone.”
Gaara leaned closer, studying him. “Tired. You said you were tired when I asked why you did not stop the bleeding.”
“Yes.” Lee felt weak. Pathetic. “I know, Gaara-sama. It was my duty to survive and return. It is a weakness to feel like this because I do not have a team. I should be proud that Tsunade-sama trusts me to run solo-ops. Those are usually reserved for ANBU.”
“Why not join ANBU, then? Perhaps they have a team that needs a member.”
“I am not allowed to. There is a genjutsu and ninjutsu requirement. I cannot progress past my current rank, and I cannot become a teacher. Unless a team needs me, all that is left is to run these missions for Tsunade-sama.”
“And you are tired of being alone.”
Words that had been building for years were escaping in a growing flood. Finally, someone was listening. “I would not mind if I had a family to come home to. Or someone. No one notices when I am gone. I can go for weeks without having a real conversation. They do not remember to invite me to gatherings, I hear about them later from other people. My plants are probably dead again. And no one will notice that I am missing. If I died, no one would miss me or even notice, and I would not have to face my empty apartment ever again. I just do not want to be here anymore.”
Lee felt pressure on his arm. He looked up, eyes stinging, to see that Gaara had set his hand on his arm. Surprised, he looked up further to meet haunted jade eyes. “Gaara-sama?”
“I remember. I remember this. They would have rejoiced in my death. I would have been free of the glares and warding signs. I wanted to. I wanted to give them what they wanted, but Shukaku stopped me. Laughed at me. Enjoyed my attempts.”
“Gaara-sama, you do not need to tell me . . .”
“Temari and Kankuro already know. So does Naruto, actually. We talked one night and it came up. It was different for him, the Kyuubi was silent. I would wish, late at night, that one of the assassins would succeed. The village got their wish eventually. If only for a short time.”
“But, Gaara-sama, you are the Kazekage! You protect the village! It would be devastating if you were gone!”
“The same could be said for the leading taijutsu specialist in all five countries.” Gaara sighed. “They do not wish me dead now, and I have things to live for. What do you live for, Lee?”
“To protect my village and way of the ninja!”
“It is hard to live for a village that does not care for you. Someone needs to care.”
“Yes.” Lee studied Gaara for a moment. “Who did you live for? When the village that you protected did not want you.”
“Temari and Kankuro.” Gaara's grip on Lee's arm tightened slightly. “And who will you live for?”
“No one remembers me. No one will care if I disappear.”
“I will care. I am supposed to train with you, and I do not like thinking that you will disappear because of a village that does not understand.”
Lee looked away, biting his lip. “You are kind, but you do not have to say something like that. I am not even from your village.”
Gaara shook the jounin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “You punched me once, Lee. You were the first. I have always kept an eye on what you do. How do you think I knew about your teacher, or your rank in the bingo books?”
“Gaara-sama . . .”
“I do not want you to die.”
Lee slowly nodded. “Okay, Gaara. I will live for you.”
----
Aside from a faint limp, no one would be able to tell that Lee had come in four weeks ago with a shattered leg. Gaara watched the jounin walk to the medi-nin and thank him, profusely, for the care. He had wanted Lee to stay for another week, to make sure the leg was fully healed, but Tsunade wanted her jounin back. The Kazekage had agreed, reluctantly.
`Is he ready to return to his village? To being alone?'
Gaara left off his thoughts when the jounin in question stopped in front of him, smiling as brightly as the Suna sun. “Thank you, Gaara. For everything.”
“I expect a message once you are back in your own village.”
“Of course! I will write you within an hour of my arrival, or do 275 one armed pull-ups!” After a final pose, Lee turned and jogged out of the gates of Sungakure.
“He's an odd fellow.” Matsuri slipped an arm around Gaara's waist.
“Hn.” Gaara was not in the mood to get into a debate with his girlfriend over Rock Lee.
“Come on, Gaara, let's go grab some lunch. He's gone now, so no more excuses!”
The Kage let Matsuri steer him towards her favorite restaurant, ignoring his sister's rolling eyes and his brother's imitation of someone with a whip.
----
“Welcome back, Lee.”
Standing at attention, Lee bowed. “Thank you, Hokage-sama.”
“Quite an adventure you had.” Tsunade skimmed over Lee's report and the note from the Kazekage on Lee's stay. “Well done on completing your mission. A squad of ANBU confirmed the kill and dealt with the bodies.”
“Thank you again, Hokage-sama.”
“So, what were you up to in Sungakure? Looks like you've got Gaara's attention.”
Lee paled. “What do you mean?”
“Says here that he would be interested in having you assigned to Suna as an instructor.” Tsunade studied him with her honey colored eyes. “I probably can't spare you for four or five months, but would you be interested?”
“Yes! I would love to have the opportunity to teach!”
Smiling, the Hokage closed the note. “I'll let him know to expect you in the spring, then. I think we can arrange for a month or two. It'll give you a chance to recharge.”
Lee practically floated out of the office. `I get to teach. I can be an instructor! I can pass on my ninja way!'
Once in his own apartment, he grabbed paper for his message to his friend, the Kazekage of Sungakure.
Gaara,
Thank you for giving me something to live for.
----
The wind tossed blood red locks of hair about in a disarray. It tugged at the papers clutched in Gaara's hand, but he held them tightly. He would not let them get away. He was still not sure how Lee could find so much to write about each time, and yet he managed to accomplish it. As regular as clockwork, Lee's letters would arrive, and the next day a response would be sent back. The only break would come when Lee had an under cover operation. Otherwise they would continue to write, even when the jounin was out on a mission.
This particular letter featured the response to Gaara's question on Konoha shuriken techniques. Complete with diagrams. Some of the techniques were entirely new to the Suna native, and he was fascinated.
“Are you up here again?” Matsuri climbed up on top of the wall, plunking down next to her boyfriend. “Oh, I should have known. How's Lee doing?”
“Well. He writes that he wants me to tell you `hi'.”
Giggling, the brunette peeked over Gaara's shoulder. “Shuriken techniques?”
“Yes. We have been comparing notes.”
“Could be worse, I suppose. You two could be sending each other love letters or something. Don't forget, seven o'clock, my place.”
Gaara glanced up at the sun. “I should be done by then.”
“I should hope so!” Matsuri swung her legs off of the wall, preparing to climb down. “It would be terrible if I had to be jealous of Rock Lee.”
----
Lee paused at the gates to Sungakure, shifting his pack. Gaara said he would meet him here, but he was quite early. `A new record for my time to travel to Sungakure, but now I do not know where . . . `
“Up here.”
Sitting on top of the gates was Gaara. Lee smiled brightly, waving up at the redhead. “Good morning, Gaara!”
“I knew you would be early.” The sand whipped around the Kazekage, carrying him safely to the ground.
“Ah, well, I am quite eager to start this mission! I only have two months to teach our Suna allies as much as I can about taijutsu!”
“I will show you the barracks and training grounds. I am sure you already have a plan for your lessons.” The Kage set off across the village.
“Yes!” Lee caught up, then turned to face Gaara, walking backwards. “And I have also created a training regimen specifically for my highest ranking student!”
“I am not surprised.”
Lee enthusiastically threw an arm over Gaara's shoulders, falling into step with him again. “We will achieve the full springtime of our youth!”
“Hn.”
----
Sweat poured from Gaara's body, soaking his clothing. They had been training for hours, and the exhaustion was starting to catch up with him, but he did not want to stop until he had figured out the kick he had been working on all morning.
“That was very close, Gaara! I am certain that you will have it next time!”
“You have said that for my last twenty attempts.” Growling a bit under his breath, Gaara set up to try again.
“And I meant it each and every time. You are nearly there.” Lee smiled brilliantly, despite that fact he was sweating even more then his student.
“Nearly there is not good enough.”
Lee was just fast. That was the only explanation for why Gaara didn't notice him moving. Bandaged hands were set on his hips, tugging at him. “You're stance is a bit off. Let us see if this will help you achieve your goals.”
Heat poured across the redhead's face, and he knew it had nothing to do with the sun. Lee had no concept of personal space. Even Matsuri was not so casual about touching him. His girlfriend would say something before she used anything other then the most casual of touches. An arm around his waist was daring for her. Lee had the habit of grabbing him in a bear hug with no warning when the mood struck.
`No one touches me as often as he does, and it is as natural as breathing to him. He has no fear of me, even after our history.' The bandaged hand dragged from his hip and down to his thigh, rearranging a leg. Lee was a solid, hot wall at his back. It was almost overwhelming after spending so much time in virtual isolation. His heart rate picked up.
“Have you been in the sun too long? Your face is red.”
Lee's voice sounded loud, coming from right next to his ear, and he suppressed the startled reaction. “No. I am fine.”
“Okay. Are you ready to try again?”
“Yes.”
The taijutsu expert backed away from his student. “Go forth and accomplish your goal!”
With steel will, Gaara pushed his reaction to the side to be examined later. Right now, he had a goal to accomplish. Sand flew as he launched himself into the air, executing Lee's trademark Whirlwind Kick, smashing the training post he had been using for a target.
“Incredible! Such power and determination!” Lee bounced about excitedly, practically beside himself. “Well done, Gaara!”
Gaara looked at the broken training post. `I broke that without using any chakra.' It took him a moment to figure out what he was feeling. `And I am proud about it.'
“We should celebrate!” Lee grabbed Gaara by the arm. “You have mastered a trademark taijutsu move, and have graduated to advanced techniques! That calls for a special lunch!”
The Kazekage scarcely had time to grab his gourd and abandoned clothing before he was pulled from the training grounds. Lee's visit had made things noisy and chaotic. Carefully planned routines were rearranged to provide more time to spend on the training field. Lunches were again time to see Lee, not time to finish reports.
Temari had made a face when she saw a backlog of work for the first time since Gaara had become Kazekage, but had not complained. As a matter of fact, his big sister had herded him out the door with orders to go out and play. Matsuri whined and fussed about Lee always being around, but she enjoyed watching some of their training and even joined in on occasion.
Each night he dropped into a dreamless sleep, without the difficulties that he usually had, and each morning he woke up stiff and sore from the previous day's training.
He felt . . . human.
----
“Do you hate them?”
Lee sighed, settling back on his hands. The sandstone wall he was sitting on was still warm from the mid-day heat, even though they were now watching the stars. “No. How could I hate them? They are the closest thing I have to a family.”
Gaara was little more then a shadow at his side, hidden in the dark. “They have forgotten you and the sacrifices you have made.”
“I cannot hold it against them. It is not their fault. I have always been rather . . . forgettable. I cannot do half the things my peers can. I should be thrilled that I am a jounin and receive top rank missions.”
“You have a successful solo S-rank mission and yet you cannot be ANBU. I think Tsunade should reconsider the requirements for entry.”
Lee smiled. It always made him feel better that Gaara assumed his missions would be successful, no matter what the rank was. It was an odd situation, to be dismissed by most of the shinobi world, but to have the complete faith of two Kages. “ANBU was never my goal.”
“No, your goal is to teach.” Gaara shifted, fabric dragging across sandstone. “I will send in a standing request to have you assigned here when possible to provide training. I do not understand why Tsunade is not utilizing you herself, but I will utilize your expertise as much as possible.”
“Training is a bit different in Konoha. To have a genin team, I would need to be able to instruct them in everything they need. I cannot just teach them bits and pieces like I can when I am here. My techniques are too advanced for the Academy. Maybe after I retire I will teach introductory classes for the Academy.” Lee smiled up at the nighttime sky, thinking of a new generation of shinobi that would need guidance.
“Hm.”
The desert was silent, other then the yipping of a distant fox. Lee let his body relax, unknotting muscles one by one. Teaching taijutsu all day was just as hard as training all day. “Do you hate them, Gaara? Your village?”
“Not anymore. I did when I was younger, but not now. I want to protect them, even if they still see me as a monster.”
Lee settled on his back, hair fanning out across the warm stone. “Your village is very lucky to have a protector like you.”
“Your village is equally lucky. Even if they do not realize it.”
----
“Hey, Gaara, can we talk about something?”
The Kazekage gave his girlfriend an odd look. “We are talking.”
Matsuri giggled and shook her head. “I meant about something specific.”
“Yes.”
“We've been together for a long time, and I was thinking . . . well, I know you aren't really used to doing things like this, so I wasn't sure if you knew what comes next.”
Gaara stared at her, trying to puzzle out that jumble of words. `Usually she is quite articulate. Did she hit her head?'
“What I'm trying to say is that I want to make this permanent. Forever. Do you know what I mean?”
Still trying to figure out what the subject was, Gaara shook his head.
“Damn it all, Gaara, I want to get married before I die an old maid!”
Exactly what they were talking about was suddenly apparent, and the redhead came to a stop in the middle of the street. “Married?”
“Yes, married! That's what couples do!”
“I had not thought about it.”
Matsuri rolled her eyes. “I figured as much. For a genius, you're kind of clueless. I love you, Gaara, and even though you can't say it back, I want to be with you. I don't want anyone else.”
“Married.” It sounded so . . . normal. Something that people did. Not something that he had ever considered for himself.
“Is it that hard to think of being married to me?” Matsuri stood in front of him, her hands clasped together.
“I never thought that I would get married. Have a family.”
One of his hands was caught in a warm grip. “You can have a family with me, Gaara.”
----
Lee opened one eye, looking around his room blearily. `What was that?'
A sharp tapping sound repeated, insisting that he get out of bed. His sleep addled brain figured out that it was coming from the door. Not even bothering to open the other eye, he fumbled his way across the room and opened the door. “Huh?”
Gaara stood in his doorway, sand misting around his ankles in an agitated swirl. “Matsuri wants to marry me.”
That made the other onyx eye open. “Matsuri wants to marry you?”
“Yes. I need to decide what to do about this.”
Lee's brain finally kicked over and figured out what was going on. “Come in, Gaara. I will put on some tea.”
Since Lee was staying in the barracks, he only had one chair and his bed for places to sit. He waved Gaara to the chair and started up his little heater that he used to make tea. “Congratulations are usually in order when someone gets engaged.”
“I am not engaged. I did not have an answer for her tonight. I had not considered this situation.” The gourd thumped to the ground, resting against the chair that Gaara occupied. “I am having a hard time envisioning that future.”
Lee sat on the edge of his bed while the water heated. “What part is difficult?”
“A family. A wife. Children. I just cannot see myself in that future.”
“Do you love Matsuri?”
Gaara looked at him, eyes haunted. “I do not know.”
It made Lee's heart ache that Gaara was so confused about an emotion that could bring so much joy. “Do you want to have a family?”
“I . . . think so. I think I would like to have someone.”
“Do you want Matsuri to be that someone?”
“I have been with her for a long time. I would not mind living with her.”
Lee chuckled a bit, standing when he heard the tea kettle start to whistle. “It is not the most romantic declaration I have ever heard, but it is a start. The person you marry should be your other half, the one that you share everything with. They should know about all of your fears and dreams. They should know all of your flaws and love you for them, not despite them.”
Gaara ran his thumb over the top of his gourd. “There are parts of my youth she does not know about.”
“She grew up in Sungakure. She has probably been told much worse then the reality.” Lee filled the teapot and let it steep, leaning against the table while he studied his friend. “Are you willing to tell her about your past?”
“If I tell her everything, she will leave.”
“Give her a chance, Gaara. She may surprise you.”
“Perhaps. I do not have to answer her right away. I have time to think about it.”
Lee poured tea into a mug and handed it to his guest. “Just take your time. Part of you knows what to do, it is just a matter of listening to it.”
Gaara stared at the tea in his mug, as though trying to tell his future.
`This is like a story I have read before. A proposal. Marriage. Children. New responsibilities and priorities. Forgotten dates and letters. I will miss the conversations. It was comforting to know that someone cared. I will miss this so very much.' Lee sipped at his own tea, ignoring the ache in his chest that had not bothered him in months. “I just want you to be happy, Gaara.”
----
It hardly felt like any time had passed, and yet he was standing in front of the gates of Sungakure, watching Lee tell some of his more devoted students goodbye. It would be awhile before he saw his friend in person again. He was scheduled to visit Konohagakure in three months, and Temari had budgeted in extra time for `advanced taijutsu studies', but he had gotten used to having Lee around on a daily basis.
“Thank you again for the opportunity to teach, Gaara!” Lee tossed protocol to the wind and grabbed the Kazekage in a hug, much to the amusement of the gathered shinobi. “I will look forward to seeing your progress when you come to Konohagakure!”
After Gaara was released, Lee focused his attention on the giggling brunette at his side. “Please let me know once you have set a date for your youthful nuptials so that I can request the time off with the Hokage!”
Matsuri smiled, toying with the ring on her left hand. “You'll be one of the first to know, Lee.”
With a final, radiant smile, Lee jogged out of the gates, waving at the students that were calling out their farewells.
Gaara watched him disappear into the desert, his chest feeling heavy. He did not want Lee to be out of reach. It had become quite evident during his engagement just how much he valued the Konoha-nin's opinion. They had talked through the night about the future, and Gaara had dozed off in Lee's bed. Now he was on his own. Temari and Kankuro helped as best they could, but it was easier with Lee. And they didn't like Matsuri.
Once Lee was completely out of sight, Gaara turned and started to walk back to his office. There was an important meeting that he had to prepare for, and he was sure Temari was ranting already. Life did not stop because a certain shinobi had returned to his village.
----
Lee was flopped out on his stomach in the grass, reading. Gaara had managed to combine his sand with the Whirlwind Kick, creating a new attack that was quite effective. He had been working with Temari, and his sister had not been able to block it completely. Considering how quick the wind master was, that was an impressive reference. His notebook was open at his side, letting him jot down notes. Temari and Gaara fought side by side in combat often enough that it was practical to consider creating a joint attack, and Lee could see some possibilities.
He had considered trying to come up with something that Matsuri and Gaara could use together, since they would be getting married. It would have been a unique engagement gift. In the end he had abandoned the project. Matsuri rarely fought. She was support and stayed to the back, while Gaara was the front line. Temari and Kankuro were usually the only ones that could keep up.
The sound of voices made him look away from his work. A group of shinobi were coming on to the training field, laughing and yelling. He recognized most of them. If he had to guess, it looked like Naruto and Sasuke had been fighting again, and there was some sort of a challenge that was about to take place. Sakura was yelling at the both of them, shaking her fist. Hinata was at her side, silently supporting her rant against her fiancé and his best friend. Several other shinobi were following along to watch the show.
Lee watched the group. In some ways, they had barely changed since they were genin. Naruto fought with Sasuke, Sakura yelled at them both, Hinata fawned over Naruto, Kiba followed them for the entertainment, Shino followed his other two teammates, and Ino yelled insults at her best friend while making eyes at Sasuke.
Whatever the challenge was, it was probably going to be messy if they had gone through the trouble of finding a training field. Lee started to gather up his papers and notebook.
The movement caught Kiba's attention, and he turned to yell, “Hey, bushy-brows! These two are about to throw down, so you might want to change fields! Naruto's already looking a bit red around the edges!”
“Thank you, Kiba! I will be out of the way in a moment.” Lee tucked everything into his hip pouch, ignoring the faint ache in his chest. `At least they noticed me.'
He could hear Sakura yelling, but he could not make out the words. They all seemed to run together. Somebody laughed. He heard Kiba ask Shino if they should grab some friends to watch the show.
Lee ran and refused to look back.
----
“Hey, slow down, kid! We may not be in the desert anymore, but you're going to kill yourself at this pace! Lee's not going anywhere!”
Gaara spared a glare for his brother, but slowed his headlong run. He wasn't sure himself what the rush was, but he was eager to go to Konohagakure. Maybe it was because of the unpleasant chaos that was starting to overtake Sungakure. In all of his talks about his engagement, he had never thought about the actual process of getting married. Now he could not escape it. While he wanted to see if he could develop something with Matsuri like what he had with Lee, his fiancé was concentrating on what flowers to have imported to match the dresses she had chosen for her sisters and closest friends. Once a date had been set, what he thought would be a simple process had spiraled out of control.
“I don't blame you for running away from Matsuri that fast, but you're not going to make it to the village if you don't take it easy.” Temari bounded along at her brother's side, smirking.
“You are still annoyed with her.”
“I told her I was standing with Kankuro on your side, and she threw a fit! Evidently I messed up some number. And did you see the dress she wanted me to wear?” The blonde shook her head. “I'm going to knock your fiancé out a window at this rate.”
“Once the wedding is over, things will go back to normal.”
“You keep saying that. I keep saying that it would be much simpler to just knock her out a window.”
Kankuro caught up with his siblings. “Are you still bitching about that dress?”
“You saw it! If you had to wear it, you'd bitch, too!” Temari glared at her brother, a hand shifting towards her fan.
“If I had to wear any dress I'd bitch.” Kankuro shrugged. “I'm just hiding until this is over.”
“You can't hide from her forever. She's going to be our sister-in-law.”
“I'm not the one who has to sleep with her.”
Gaara tried to tune the both of them out. He was quite aware of their opinion of Matsuri. It was a source of concern, but he had no idea what to do about it. They were his family. They were the ones that had stood by him as he changed from a monster to a leader, and they were the ones that helped him protect his village.
He could not break off a relationship without a solid reason, and because his siblings didn't get along with her was not a solid reason. At least, he didn't think that was a solid reason. He put on another burst of speed, leaving his squabbling siblings behind. He needed to talk to Lee.
----
The blood sang in Lee's veins as he danced. This was when he felt alive. He had an extremely challenging opponent and no distractions. The sand whipped past him, and he rolled out of the way. Asking Gaara to spar without the sand was like asking Lee to spar blindfolded. A great training exercise, but not reality.
When the Kazekage had arrived, looking agitated, Lee had herded him to the training field for some frustration release. Now they were battling each other, pushing the limits between spar and fight. Neither Gaara nor Lee sparred with others very often. They did not want to miss this chance.
Lee closed in, tapping Gaara hard enough to let the Kage know that he had found a hole in his defenses. A pale hand grabbed his wrist, moving into a throw. The hand to hand combat was a new development. Gaara had avoided being that close to his opponents before, but now it was another part of his repertoire. Lee rolled out of the throw, coming back to his feet in time to avoid the sand's follow up attack.
They had been sparring for almost two hours, and the Kazekage was breathing hard. Lee held his hands up, calling out to his friend. “How about a break, Gaara?”
The redhead nodded, calling his sand back. Lee dropped into the grass, panting softly. In a few moments, Gaara dropped into the grass beside him.
“Are you feeling better now, Gaara?”
The Kage nodded, stretching slowly. “I probably have not been training as much as I should.”
“Has it been busy? I have not heard of any major incidents involving Suna.” Lee scratched at his chin. “Ah, I know! Your wedding is coming up! How are the preparations?”
“You would have to ask Matsuri. I am not involved for the most part. From what I have gathered, we will not need to move the ceremony date. It is hard to tell, though. There always seems to be something going wrong.”
Lee chuckled, dropping onto his back. “Sounds a bit like Hinata preparing for her wedding.”
“Temari and Kankuro are not happy.”
“Why not?”
“They do not like Matsuri.”
`Uh oh.' Lee worried his bottom lip. Gaara was close to his siblings, and this could be a real problem. “Did they say why?”
“No. Nothing specific.”
“Gaara, what matters is what will make you happy. If marrying Matsuri will make you happy, then your siblings will back it.”
“Temari is threatening to kill her.”
Lee laughed. “She threatens to kill me, too. She has not done it yet.”
“That is true.”
“What matters is what makes you happy.” Lee sat up on his elbows, looking up at the man sitting beside him. “They want you to be happy, and so do I.”
“I want you to stand up in my wedding.”
“Huh?” Lee shook his head a bit, as though to clear his ears. “What?”
“I want you to stand up with Temari and Kankuro when I get married. Matsuri says that I need another person.” Gaara looked away from the clouds he had been studying, meeting Lee's surprised look. “I want that person to be you. I will arrange it with the Hokage that you are available.”
“Me? Really? Gaara, I am so happy! I would be honored to be a part of your youthful celebration of timeless love!” Lee went to his knees and tackled his friend, knocking them both into the grass. He had a passing thought that he was glad the gourd was over by the trees when he realized he had flattened the redhead. Gaara was blinking up at him with those jade eyes, slightly wider then usual, with his hands resting on Lee's shoulders. They were almost nose to nose, close enough to count each of the redhead's eyelashes. A dusting of pink spread across the Kage's pale skin. Lee thought it looked adorable on the usually aloof face. “Thank you, Gaara.”
“You are welcome.” There was a short pause. “Are you going to let me up?”
Lee realized that he was still straddling his friend, pinning him down to the ground, and scrambled backwards. He knew he was blushing. “Sorry, sorry.”
Gaara propped himself up on his elbows, watching Lee's retreat closely. The jounin did not want to answer any questions about his behavior, so he jumped to his feet and offered a hand to his friend. “You must be hungry after our workout. It is a bit early for dinner, but this way we can beat the rush!”
The redhead took his hand and allowed Lee to pull him to his feet.
----
Gaara had never been to a bar before. He didn't drink, as a rule, so he had no reason to go into one. When his brother started to complain and insist that he needed a bar run, he ignored it. When Temari slammed back into their hotel room and barked out something about bureaucracy and sake, Gaara took notice. In a heartbeat Kankuro was up and ready to go, herding his little brother out ahead of him.
“It's about time you start goin' out like an adult.”
That earned Kankuro a dark glare, but Temari was of the same mind. “We can swing by Lee's place and see if he's back. So long as he sticks to juice.”
Slightly mollified, Gaara let his siblings hustle him out of the hotel and into Konohagakure. Lee's apartment was on the other side of the village. As they walked, Temari and Kankuro traded gossip about shinobi they knew. The redhead listened with half an ear, tucking any useful information away for later use.
“Gaara, Temari, Kankuro!”
A cheerful shout made the trio turn, easily spotting the blur of green heading in their direction. Kankuro chuckled. “Well, looks like he found us.”
Lee slid to a stop in front of the Suna-nins. “I just finished debriefing my latest mission for the Hokage. How is your night going?”
Temari smiled at the odd shinobi that had befriended her brother. “If I see one more report, I'm going to stuff it down the author's throat.”
Kankuro snorted at Lee's wide eyed expression. “Big sis had a long day. We were heading out for drinks and a taste of Konohagakure's night life. Want to come?”
“I would be delighted to accompany you on this most youthful mission!” Lee offered a thumbs up to the group. “I need to change, since I just returned from an assassination mission. Can I meet you there?”
Gaara nodded. “We will be at the bar on Main Street.”
“Understood. I will be there as soon as possible!”
Lee was gone before any of the siblings could say a farewell.
“What the hell does that guy eat? Does he ever get tired?” Kankuro shook his head and set off down the street again, making a beeline for the bar.
Temari gave the middle brother a poke. “Not everyone is as lazy as you.”
The bar was bustling with the best and brightest of Konoha. Gaara paused at the doorway, surprised by the crowd, but his brother caught him by the arm and hauled him in, ignoring the way the sand was rustling inside of the gourd like a rattlesnake's tail.
“Consider it part of your rehabilitation.” Kankuro plunked his brother down on a stool at the bar before yelling over the din, “Hey, can I get some sake and a fruit juice down here?”
“Hey, Gaara!” A loud voice broke through the background noise.
Gaara turned to see a shock of blonde hair bounding his way. “Naruto.”
“Long time, no see! How's it hangin', man?” The hyperactive blonde squeezed in between Temari and Gaara, smiling brightly.
“Fine.” The redhead accepted his juice.
“Oh, ya hear? I'm getting married! Not sure if the invitation made to Suna yet.”
“Not yet. I did hear from Lee, though. Congratulations.”
Naruto's grin expanded. “It's gonna' be a huge shindig. Granny's already throwin' a fit since everyone's asking for that weekend off.”
An odd thought flashed through Gaara's mind. “Was Lee invited?”
“Huh?” The blonde scratched at the back of his head. “Should be. We're inviting just about everyone. Hinata's in charge of the list. I could ask her, she's around here somewhere. Why?”
“I do not want Lee to be forgotten.”
“Don't worry about it. I'll double check with Hinata.” Naruto took a step back so he could see the other two Suna-nin. “And how about you two? Anything good goin' on? Hey, Sakura, come say hi! Is Hinata over there somewhere?”
The two kunoichi in question came over, sharing small talk and catching up. Gaara was allowed to slip into the background of the conversation, his brother and sister doing most of the work. The conversation was not particularly interesting, and he found himself looking around the bar idly. He saw something, a flash of green out of the corner of his eye, but then it was gone. “Lee?”
Temari looked away from Hinata. “Is he here? I don't see him.”
“I thought I saw him, but he left.” Gaara tried to look around the crowd of shinobi, but he could not spot his friend. He slipped off of his stool.
“Hey, Hinata, can you take a peek?” Naruto went up on his toes, looking around for the taijutsu specialist.
“Sure.” The Hyuuga heir activated her Byakugen and swept the area. “I found him. He's moving very fast though, away from the bar.”
Gaara brought his hands together. “Which way?”
“West, towards the gates.”
Kankuro muttered, “Crap.”
Several people gasped as the sand jumped to life, transporting the Kazekage outside of the bar.
When the sand fell, he was standing in the gates to Konohagakure, just in time to intercept a man rushing down the street. “Lee.”
Lee startled, sliding to a stop and staring at the redhead. “Gaara? But, I just saw you . . .”
“You were supposed to come to the bar.” Gaara walked towards his friend. “Why did you leave?”
“You looked busy.”
“I was waiting for you.” Some of the clues dropped into place. “Which one of them are you avoiding?”
Lee flinched. “Am I that obvious?”
“I noticed. I do not know if anyone else would.”
“Sakura. I have been avoiding Sakura.” The jounin sighed and walked over to the wall that surrounded his village. “There was an incident, and it was very embarrassing. I am not very comfortable around her now.”
“What kind of an incident?”
“A bet. And a date. I did not know why she suddenly said yes, but later Naruto told me.” Lee sagged against the wall, sliding down to a sitting position. “I have not spoken to her since.”
“But why leave?” Gaara stood in front of the older man, looking down at him. “I was waiting for you, not her.”
“There was no room for me.”
The Kazekage reached down and grabbed Lee by the front of his vest, hauling him to his feet and glaring. “Do you think I would ignore you? That I would rather talk to them then you?”
Lee suddenly smiled brightly. “It is good that you have time with your other youthful friends!”
“Do not use that mask with me. I know you better then that.”
Wide, shocked eyes focused on Gaara's face as the smile disappeared. “What?”
“I was waiting for you. I am not sick of you.”
“Gaara . . .”
The two men were so close Gaara could feel Lee's breath on his face. “I will always have room for you.”
One moment Lee was staring at him, supported by the grip on his vest, and in the next moment Lee was kissing him, hands grasping at the front of his shirt. Startled, Gaara started to pull back, but the older man followed him. It was clumsy, desperate. `What is he doing? Why is he doing this? He is a man, but he is kissing me.'
Lee shook in his grasp, and Gaara held on to him tighter, unsure of how to respond. When a tentative tongue brushed along his lips, he let it happen. He let his lips part, let Lee invade his mouth. It was safe. Lee would never hurt him. He could be close to this man. He wanted to feel close.
Somehow they had ended up leaning against the wall, their bodies pressed together as they kissed. Strong arms slid up his shoulders as Lee moaned into his mouth. `I have never kissed someone like this. Not even Matsuri . . . Matsuri . . .'
Gaara pulled back suddenly, staggering a few steps while his heart thundered in his ears. Lee was still leaning against the wall, panting.
“Gaara . . .”
Shaking, the redhead whispered, “Matsuri.”
“Oh, gods. Gaara, I am sorry . . .”
Still shaking, Gaara brought his hands together, starting the teleportation jutsu. “I am sorry, too, Lee.”
----
Lee stared at the letter in his hands, the first one he had received since Gaara had left Konohagakure. After the steady stream of messages, the silence had been devastating. Two months had passed with no word. Missions came and went, but there was no one to share with. The half completed joint attack for Gaara and Temari was forgotten in his notebook. He had even considered taking a mission that ran overtop of Gaara's wedding, since their friendship was over.
`I am glad I did not take that mission.' Lee stared down at the letter, his hands shaking. It was from Gaara, and included the dates when he would need to be in Sungakure. He had to go a few days before the wedding, to make sure his clothing fit and for the rehearsal. He also needed to send his measurements.
He was still in the wedding. Despite what he had done, despite the way he had betrayed his friend and lost control of his feelings, he was still invited.
Blinking away a stray tear, Lee rummaged up a pen and paper. He knew his measurements by heart, since his suits were all custom order. It was a short letter, especially by his standards, but it included the most important thing.
Thank you, Gaara.
----
`He is still coming.' Gaara let his head fall forward, eyes closing in relief. He had not been sure if he would even get a response, much less a set of measurements and gratitude. The night by the wall had thrown their relationship into chaos, and neither of them seemed to know what to do with the fallout. Sometimes at night the desperate press of bodies would replay in his mind. He had never felt like that before. Completely safe, accepted, maybe even desired.
A soft rap at the door brought him back to reality. “Come.”
“Hi, Gaara.” Matsuri slipped into the office. “Any word from Lee? I need to let my cousin know if he is filling in or not.”
“Yes, he is coming.” The Kage ripped the letter, handing the measurements to Matsuri and sliding the rest into his desk with the other letters from Lee.
“Oh.” The smile slipped a bit, but rebounded quickly. “Well, great! Looks like you two will make up after all. I'll drop his measurements off.”
Gaara slid another report across the desk, already thinking about a mission he needed to send out. Soft footsteps crossed the room, coming around his desk. Hands, soft as feathers, settled on his shoulders.
“Hey, Gaara?”
“Yes.” Setting his brush down, Gaara turned his chair so he could see his fiancé.
“Can I kiss you before I leave?”
`She still asks for permission.' He nodded, tipping his head back so that she would have access to his lips.
Her hands stayed on his shoulders as her lips played across his. Gaara leaned forward a bit, trying to increase the contact, but she kept it light. There was a flickering touch of tongue, but she immediately pulled away. “Thanks, Gaara.”
`It is always like this. Is this the way it is supposed to be?' Gaara nodded again and turned back to his work. Matsuri let herself out. Alone, he set his brush down and rubbed his temples. `Why do I keep comparing her with Lee?'
----
The gates to Sungakure seemed more foreboding now. Lee walked through, his steps uncertain. He had no idea what kind of a greeting was waiting for him this time. His plan was to head to the barracks and find out what room was assigned to him for his stay. Gaara had not said anything about meeting him this time, so he would need to find his own way. `Maybe he will be around for the fitting this afternoon.'
“Up here.”
Lee whirled around, looking up to the top of the gates, where a familiar figure was staring back down at him. His breath caught. It was the first time he had seen the man since that horrible night. “Gaara.”
“You are early.” The sand carried the Kage down to the street next to Lee.
“I did not want to risk being late and disrupting your most important celebration!”
“I expected as much.” Gaara set off down the street with Lee at his side. “Because of the wedding, the barracks and hotels are all booked.”
“Oh.” Lee shifted his pack. “I did not think of that. I have not made reservations anywhere. I suppose I could camp out.”
“You are staying at my house. Evidently it is traditional for the groom's party to stay with him while preparing for the wedding.” Gaara shrugged his shoulders. “Matsuri's party has already moved to her house.”
“I am honored that you would allow me to stay at your home, Gaara!”
“You are not here in an official capacity. It makes no sense to have you stay in the barracks when there is plenty of room in my house.”
Lee's heart lifted. “Thank you, Gaara.”
The Kage looked up at him, eyes dark. “You are welcome, Lee.”
----
“Why would somebody willingly tie something around their throat?”
“I don't know, ask your soon-to-be wife.” Temari straightened her brother's bow tie. “This was all her idea.”
Gaara ran a finger under the collar of his tuxedo. “She saw a picture from a ceremony in the Country of Waves and decided that she had to have a wedding of that style.”
“Well, it could be worse. I could be in a hakama, I guess.” The blonde ran a hand down the tuxedo she was wearing to match the rest of her brother's party. “Matsuri had a fit when I ordered up a tux for myself.”
“Hell, I'm surprised you got the thing to button up the front.” Kankuro emerged from a dressing room, struggling with his suspenders. “I think these damn things are broken.”
Temari hooked the elastic and pulled it tight before releasing it, popping her brother in the back. “What've I told you about discussing my chest?”
Ignoring the squabbling, Gaara shrugged into his jacket, buttoning it up. The look was so unusual he did not know what to make of it. He called out to the fitting room that was still closed. “Lee?”
“Umm, just a second, Gaara.”
“Is there something wrong?” The redhead set his hand on the door.
“No, I am just not sure about this.”
The door swung open suddenly, leaving Gaara off balance. He looked up at his friend, dressed in something other then green spandex. His breath caught, startled by the difference. `The measurements he sent must have been exact. The suit fits him perfectly. His eyes are so dark.'
“Is there something wrong?” Lee ran his hands over the dark wool. “Is it that bad?”
“No.” Gaara backed up, letting Lee out of the fitting room. “It looks fine.”
“Really?” The jounin stopped in front of the three way mirror, studying himself. “It is so . . . different.”
“Lee, you look great!” Temari came up behind the man, straightening his jacket and smoothing his collar. “This look really suits you. You've got the shoulders for it, that's for sure.”
“Thank you, Temari.” Lee tipped his head to the side. “It will take some getting used to, but if you are certain that I look presentable, then I will wear it with pride!”
“The ladies will ever know what hit them.”
Gaara watched as Lee turned this way and that, checking his outfit from every angle. Finally the jounin turned and looked to his friend.
Chuckling, Lee winked at him. “Nonsense, Temari. No one will notice. They will all be staring at the groom.”
The Kage was caught completely off guard by the comment. He could feel his face heating up. `Why am I blushing?'
Gaara spotted his siblings giving each other a cryptic look and made a note to ask them about it later.
----
`Less then twenty-four hours left.' Lee watched the stars, sitting on the wall around Sungakure. Before that night, this had been his place to sit with Gaara. Now he was alone. He had slipped out of the rehearsal dinner early, unnoticed in the celebration. Matsuri had glowed with happiness, sitting next to Gaara and thanking their well-wishers.
`And I envy her. She will spend the rest of her life with him, sharing every day. He was all I had, and now he is gone. And it is my own fault. I should not have lost control like that. He is engaged, will be married tomorrow. I had no business touching something that was never really mine. This was my fault in the end.'
Lee knew there were tears on his cheeks, but he ignored them. `It will not matter for much longer. I will stand by him tomorrow while he marries her, and then it will be over. I will never see him again.'
`I do not want to be here anymore.'
“Lee, what are you doing out here?”
`Damn it.' The jounin brushed his checks with his bandaged hands before smiling down at his friend. “I was just enjoying the night, Gaara. It was a bit loud for me. Why have you left your own party?”
“It was too crowded. And it is almost over. Matsuri is dealing with the guests.” Gaara used a jutsu rather then walk around to the stairs. He sat down next to Lee, looking up at the nighttime sky. “Now, why are you actually out here?”
“You are too good at reading me, Gaara. I needed some time to think. And there is something I need to do.” Lee's customary smile stayed in place, but was sad. “I apologize for that night in Konohagakure. I had no right to do that, and I understand why you do not want to remain in contact with me. I am thankful that you have allowed me to be a part of this ceremony as your friend, despite my mistake.”
“Is that what you think?”
“What?”
“I did not contact you because I did not think you wanted to hear from me.”
“What? No, Gaara! I was the one who made the mistake! You are engaged to a lovely young woman. I should not have done that to you.”
Gaara leaned closer, studying him. “Why did you kiss me, Lee? No mask, no lies. Just tell me.”
Lee swallowed hard. He could feel tears tracking down his cheeks again. “Gaara, I cannot . . . “
A pale finger traced across his cheek, wiping away a tear. “Tell me.”
“I love you, Gaara.”
The hand froze, still touching his cheek. Lee's entire chest ached, making breathing nearly impossible. For a long, horrible moment, all he could do was shake and try to breathe while the young man across from him just stared.
Lee reached up and grasped Gaara's wrist, moving his hand away from his cheek. “I am sorry, Gaara. Very, very sorry. I did not mean to.”
“You love me.”
“Yes. Very much.” Lee stood up, forcing himself to smile. “But it is okay. Really, it is. You and Matsuri have nothing to worry about. I will be gone tomorrow.”
Gaara's eyes narrowed. “Where are you going, Lee?”
“A mission. A long one. It is undercover, so I will be out of contact.”
“Is this a solo-op?”
“Yes.”
“What rank is it?”
Lee looked away. “Gaara, that does not matter.”
The Kage was on his feet in an instant. “What is the rank, Lee?”
“I do not have to tell you.”
“Either you tell me, or I send a bird to Tsunade and find out from her.”
Trapped, Lee turned away from his friend. “S-rank.”
Gaara grabbed Lee's arm, turning him back around hard. “You are going on a long term, solo S-rank mission?”
“Yes. I leave tomorrow after the ceremony.”
“If you wish to die that badly, why not just do it?”
Lee recoiled as though slapped. “Gaara!”
The grip on his arm tightened as the jade eyes glared at him. “That is what this is about, correct? You do not want to be here anymore. You are not expecting to come back from this one. I can hear that in your voice.”
“Let me go.”
Gaara's free hand grabbed Lee's vest, twisting in the fabric. “I thought you would live for me.”
“You have Matsuri. There is no room for me anymore.” The jounin put his hands on Gaara's wrists. “This is what my life is, Gaara! There is no place for me!”
“I told you. There will always be room for you.”
“Gaara . . .”
Lee was cut off when Gaara stepped into him, crushing their mouths together. Whimpering, the older man wrapped his arms around his friend, molding them together. For a moment, he just let it happen. Then he pushed away.
“You have a big day tomorrow. You should be going to bed.” Lee took a step back, pulling his hands free.
“I do not want you to go on the mission, Lee.”
Pain shot through his heart, but Lee smiled. “It does not matter anymore. Tomorrow you will begin your new life.”
“I want you to be in my life.”
`No. Not the way I want to be in your life.' Lee smiled at his friend, then crouched down. “I will see you tomorrow morning, okay?”
“We are not done here, Lee . . .”
Weights abandoned, the taijutsu master took off across the village, too quickly for anyone to track, even the Kazekage.
----
Gaara and Lee stood on opposite sides of the room, watching each other. No one had seen any sign of the jounin until he walked into the assembly hall, decked out in his tuxedo, exactly on time.
Temari stood behind her brother, watching the interplay between the two shinobi. She set both of her hands on her brother's shoulders, sighing. “What happened last night, Gaara?”
A quick check showed that they were alone in their part of the room. No one was listening to their conversation. “He said he loves me.”
The grip on Gaara's shoulders tightened. “He did, hmm?”
“Yes. He is leaving for an S-rank mission after the ceremony. I do not think he expects to survive.”
“So we're right back to the beginning.”
“Yes.” Gaara turned so he could see his sister. “This is a problem.”
“We can send a note to Tsunade, let her know that Lee's gone suicidal again.”
“I was referring to the part where he loves me. I do not want him to die.”
Temari stared into her brother's eyes. “Do you love him, Gaara?”
“I do not know.” Gaara's hand went to his chest. “How would I know?”
“That boy has shit timing.” The older sister straightened up, scanning the room for Kankuro. “Hey, kitty boy! I need a hand over here!”
----
Lee bit his lip when he saw Gaara, immaculately dressed for his wedding. It felt weird to think of a man as beautiful, but that was the word that flashed through his mind at the sight. `I cannot do this. I thought I could, but I cannot.'
Taking a final look, Lee turned away. `Naruto is here. He can help me.'
The guests were already being seated. The shock of blonde hair was easy to spot, and Lee jogged to the shinobi. “Naruto, I need your assistance.”
“Hey, bushy brows! Aren't you supposed to be in the back helping Gaara keep his feet warm or something?” Naruto tipped his head to the side. “What's wrong? You look fried.”
“Please, this is important. Can you come with me?”
“Sure. Hinata, can you keep my seat warm?”
Lee jogged down the aisle way with Naruto on his heels.
----
“Gaara! Hey, Gaara! Anyone seen that Kazekage guy? One that's about to get married? Hey, Gaara!”
“What the hell,” Temari mumbled as she turned away from her family's powwow. “What are you doing, Naruto?”
“We've got a bit of an emergency.” The blonde slid to a stop next to the trio. “Lee's gonna be pissed that I did this, but I don't care. Lee took off. He asked me to use a shadow clone to cover for him, then bolted.”
“What?” Gaara looked around the assembly hall. `When did he slip out?'
“That's all I know. Hinata checked, and he's heading towards the middle of the village.”
“Middle of the village?” Kankuro paused, then went pale. “Our house.”
Temari picked up his thread of thought. “He's heading out on that mission.”
Gaara's hands clenched, his breathing becoming ragged. “No. I cannot let him go like that.”
“Is everyone ready?” The smiling man that was supposed to be running the wedding started to run through a checklist. “Groom's party over here, bride's party on the other side, quickly now!”
“Crap, it's time.” Kankuro looked to Naruto. “You go after him!”
Naruto shook his head. “You didn't see the look in his eyes. I don't think I can bring him back. Why do you think I came back here looking for Gaara even though he's about to get married?”
“Gaara?” Matsuri peeked around a corner, trying to remain hidden. “Is something wrong?”
The Kage stared at his bride, heart pounding. He had to choose. This was about more then the wedding. `Do I love her? Do I love him?'
“Gaara.” Temari was behind him, and she spoke quietly into his ear. “Which one do you want to share everything with? Who do you want to have lunch with every day?”
“Lee,” he whispered.
“Then go get him. I'll take care of this.”
“Thank you.” Gaara lifted his hands, calling his sand. The gourd had been stored in the corner for the ceremony, but immediately dissolved and rushed to him at his command.
“Gaara! Gaara, what's going on?!” Matsuri stepped into the room, tradition forgotten, when she recognized a teleportation jutsu.
The sand blotted everything out, even as his sister moved to intercept the woman that was running towards him. `I am sorry, Matsuri. But now I know what I want.'
----
Lee hung his tuxedo up carefully. There was no need to toss such a fine garment in a heap, no matter how much of a hurry he was in. He had traveled light, so it only took a few moments to put his belongings into his pack. The vest was zipped up, and he was ready to go. He snatched his pack up and bolted out the door. Nobody was there to see him, but he would still breathe easier after he was outside of the village walls.
Rushing towards the door, he almost didn't notice the new obstacle in the entrance way. At the last second he stopped, staring. “Gaara?”
“Where are you going?”
“Gaara, your wedding! You are supposed to be getting married right now! Matsuri will be worried!” Lee grabbed his friend by the arm. “We have to get you back right away!”
“Are you leaving for your mission?”
“Please, Gaara, it does not matter anymore! Your wedding!”
“I am not marrying Matsuri.”
Lee froze, staring at the man. “What?”
“I am not marrying her.”
“Why not?”
“I do not love her.”
“Oh.” Lee bit his lower lip. “Are you sure? Perhaps you are just nervous.”
“I am positive.” Gaara grabbed on to Lee's wrist. “I love someone else.”
Lee's heart started to thunder in his ears. “Who, Gaara?”
“You. You are the one I want to see every day.” Gaara set his free hand on Lee's chest. “I kept comparing her to you. I should have seen this much sooner.”
“Me? You love me?”
“Yes.”
Lee knees gave out and he sagged to the ground, startling the man that was holding him and pulling him down to the floor as well. “Is this just to keep me from going on that mission?”
“No, but I still do not want you to go on a suicide mission.” Gaara set his hand on Lee's cheek. “I do not want you to die.”
“Gaara . . . “
“You know this mission will kill you. I can hear it in your voice.”
“I gave my word to Tsunade-sama.”
“Stay with me, Lee.”
“My mission . . .”
“I will send a team of my own ANBU. Just stay with me.”
“Gaara -“ Protests were cut off when the redhead closed the distance between them, kissing him. Arms twined around his neck, pulling them together as the kiss deepened and stole Lee's breath away. When Gaara pulled back, his intense eyes searched the black ones in front of him.
Lee shivered and leaned forward to rest his forehead against his friend and love, their lips brushing. “Okay, Gaara. I will live for you.”