Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Not So Alone ❯ Not So Alone ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously this is Kishimoto's fault. …But more to the point, it's Aoba's fault. Curse you, Aoba!

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She spends her days up in the north park

Watching the people as they pass

And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream

Is that too much to ask?

--3 Doors Down, “Be Like That”

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Not So Alone

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Uchiha Sasuke is nine years old. He's in the park. It's late afternoon, early autumn. Beautiful day. He's not sure why he's here, though. Truthfully, Sasuke would rather be inside today. He would rather be at home, perhaps in bed, dreaming about other, better days than this one. Pretending this one doesn't exist. He would be in bed, probably, except that he knows all too well that the nightmares come more often than the dreams do these days. And he doesn't like those. So he's out here instead, even though he would rather not be.

Uzumaki Naruto is also nine years old. Well, not quite. He will be, in a couple of weeks. He's not looking forward to the birthday itself—Naruto's birthdays are usually not at all fun—but he is anticipating being a year older, a little. Maybe this year, things will finally change. Maybe this year will be the year that's different. Maybe this year, someone will finally acknowledge him.

Sasuke is standing in the shadow of a tree, by himself. Sasuke is often by himself. This is partly because he has always been on the quiet, introverted side, and does not naturally tend to reach out to others. Mostly, though, it is because he has pushed others away on purpose. He does not want friends; he is afraid of making friends. If he just stays by himself, then it's better. He's not sure if he really believes that, but he's also afraid of what might happen if he ever starts believing otherwise.

Naruto is also by himself. He is always by himself. For Naruto, however, it is not by choice. Naruto wants more than anything to not be by himself. He's not sure if being with someone else is better or not, but he's not afraid of finding out. Naruto does not think anything could be worse than being alone.

Sasuke is watching someone. Two someones. A boy, around six or seven, and another boy, a few years older than Sasuke. They are brothers. Sasuke knew this the instant he set eyes on them. He isn't sure why he hasn't been able to tear his gaze off them since. It hurts to watch them. He keeps wanting to turn away, but he can't.

Naruto is also watching them. He is sitting on the swings in the playground. The little boy and his brother are playing in the grassy field a dozen or so yards away. They're tossing a baseball back and forth, a simple game with little to no real difficulty or point. Naruto thinks it looks like fun.

Sasuke can't remember ever playing a simple game of catch with his own brother. All he ever remembers is watching Itachi train, maybe getting to train with him a little bit every once in a while if he was really lucky, but mostly just standing back and watching. He remembers wanting nothing more than to be just like his brother. The thought is a bitter one now.

He finds himself wishing, in spite of himself, that he had even just one memory of simply playing with his big brother.

Naruto wishes for much the same. He wonders what it would be like, to have someone to play with, to smile at him, to tease him, to be proud of him. He thinks it would be nice. He thinks he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. If he had it.

He tries, for a moment, to forget that he doesn't. To make-believe, for just a moment.

But he can't do it.

Sasuke can't, either. A part of him wants to forget, more than anything, but a bigger part of him screams in protest every time he tries. To forget would be to betray his family's memory. To escape into fantasy would be to forsake his reality, his duty now. For now, the only thing he can do is watch. Maybe that's why he can't turn away.

Naruto is not quite sure why he can't. He sometimes wonders about it. Turning away might be a lot easier, he sometimes thinks. It might hurt a lot less. But he has never been able to bring himself to do it. To turn away, to put an end to the torture he is putting himself through by watching and longing for that himself, would be to acknowledge that he can never have it. He does not want to do that. It still doesn't feel right for him to do that. He still does not understand just what makes him any different from anyone else in the village. He does not understand why he should be hated—just him, and no one else. He does not want to accept that that's just the way things are.

He thinks maybe he watches because he wants to believe he can have that too, one day.

Sasuke squints as the sun starts to make its way back down the sky, its brilliant glare shining into his eyes. He takes a step back further into the shade of his tree. For a moment he wonders if he should start home before it begins to get dark. Then he supposes that it doesn't really matter anyway, since there is nothing much to hurry home to.

Naruto wonders if he should head home soon if for no other reason than that he doesn't like the dark. He's not afraid of the dark, exactly, but he isn't particularly fond of it nonetheless. He decides he will stay for just a little while longer.

Sasuke hears footsteps gradually approaching. He waits, curious. A few moments pass. A man appears, strolling down the smooth, paved path, toward the field. He is not wearing a headband, or carrying a weapons pouch. He does not walk with the subtly graceful yet powerful gait of a practiced ninja. He is not a shinobi. He is just a normal man.

Naruto watches him approach the two brothers, who pause from their game to wave at him. The older one throws the baseball at the man without warning, and the man just barely manages to catch it in time. He laughs. They laugh as well. The man tosses the ball to the younger boy, who catches it easily in his glove. The man grins as he walks over to him and ruffles his hair.

Sasuke has a painful ache in his chest as he watches the man inform the two boys that their mother will have dinner ready soon and that they need to start heading back before they all catch it from her. More memories come, and again what he can't remember hurts more than what he can. He cannot ever recall hearing his own father speak so warmly toward him. He has no memory of his father ever ruffling his hair like that. He remembers once wanting something like that more than anything in the world. His chest tightens again as he thinks about how the chance to have it is gone now, forever.

That chance has been stolen from him.

Naruto watches as the man and his sons turn to start home. The man freezes, suddenly. Naruto freezes, too. The man is looking right at him, as he sits there on his swing watching. Naruto is suddenly afraid. But he is still unable to look away.

Sasuke watches as the man's peaceful expression disappears suddenly, replaced by a glare. He is glaring at a boy on a swing. Sasuke has not previously seen him, has not been aware that anyone else was there until now.

Naruto has not yet seen Sasuke. He sees the man, glaring at him, and he feels a pain in his own chest. The sons glare, too. Even the little one. Naruto doesn't turn away.

The man calls him a monster under his breath, and leaves.

Sasuke does not watch as the two brothers follow him. He is watching Naruto now. Naruto is sitting by himself, just like Sasuke. He looks strange. Sasuke has only ever seen the other boy on two or three occasions outside of class. On every one of those occasions, as well as during the classes themselves, Naruto is always smiling. He laughs, jokes, pulls pranks, makes fun of people, and is made fun of himself even more often. Sasuke knows that Naruto, like himself, has no parents. But it has never before fully registered within him that this means Naruto, like himself, is alone. He has never before seen Naruto like this… looking as though he were about to cry.

Naruto is trying not to cry. He is resolved not to cry. To do so would be to concede defeat. Naruto does not like to lose. He is determined not to lose. He is determined to win, to become Hokage, to make everyone acknowledge him when he does. Naruto has long since learned that crying is not conducive to winning.

Sasuke steps out from beneath the shadow of his tree. He hesitates, then takes a step toward Naruto.

Naruto hears the footsteps, and turns. He sees Sasuke at last, and their eyes meet. Sasuke pauses in mid-stride. He stares at Naruto. Naruto stares at him.

Sasuke smiles first. It is unexpected, and hesitant, but gentle and understanding. There is still innocence reflected in it, something lingering and fundamental that his brother has not managed to drive away.

Naruto smiles back. His smile is bright, full of hope and light and idealism that even a lifetime of living alone in the darkness has somehow still been unable to quash. It is a genuine smile, one rarely worn by him but drawn out now by genuine happiness and contentment.

The sun continues its slow descent in the background, and eventually the moment passes. Sasuke's smile eventually fades from his face, though it is still reflected in his eyes. After another moment, he turns to leave. Naruto watches him walk all the way down the path until finally he is out of sight. His own smile does not fade.

Uchiha Sasuke is nine years old. Uzumaki Naruto is also nine years old, or at least he will be in just a couple weeks.

Neither of them, however, is truly by himself.

-owari-

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Author's Notes:

Blame all of those flashbacks from chapter 228 and others of its ilk for this one. Well… that, and a couple of debates on a few different forums concerning whether Naruto or Sasuke had the more tragic past. Maybe it's just me, but on a pointlessness scale of 1 to 10, that kind of comparison seems like it'd fall close to the top. I mean… Sasuke's life sucked. Naruto's life sucked. That's enough for me right there. It's not like it's the sort of contest either of them would particularly want to win, you know?

Anyway… this is also a bit of an unusual fic for me in terms of style. I'm not usually a present tense sort of person, but for some reason it just felt like the natural way to go while I was writing this, and I think the end result is kind of interesting. Hey, it never hurts to try something new, right? …Most of the time, anyway.

Well, hope you enjoyed it and feel free to review if it suits your fancy. :P