Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Once Upon a Crackfic... ❯ Chapter 1

Major crackfic. Like, whoa.

Pairing: Kakairu

Rating: PG-13, because any fic with Kakashi in it is probably PG-13.

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“Hey, Iruka,” Iruka looked up into the entirely too close face of the infamous copy-nin of Konoha.

 

“Ah,” Iruka pulled back a couple inches, “you had something to say, Hatake-san?” Iruka stressed the jounin's last name in an attempt to push him out of Iruka's personal space.

 

“Ma, so formal, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi was sitting on the edge of the desk now, idly thumbing through Iruka's papers.

 

Iruka suppressed a sigh. “Hatake-san?” Kakashi looked up, when had he gotten so close again? “Did you need something?”

 

“Hai,” Kakashi nodded in the affirmative. Iruka waited for Kakashi to continue. Kakashi just kept staring at Iruka in a disconcerting manner. Iruka cleared his throat and reached for a pen. “What rank are you again?”

 

Iruka gave Kakashi an incredulous look. “I think you already know, Hatake-san.” Iruka picked up a pen and sniffed, “not that you have to rub it in that you're a higher ranking nin.” Kakashi looked slightly put-off and a brief look of something like hurt flashed across his face… wait, his face? “Hatake-san!” Iruka looked around the classroom quickly, “you're not wearing your…”

 

“Sa, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi flapped his hands in a placatory manner, “it's just warm in the classroom. And you still haven't answered my question.”

 

“Question?” Iruka looked slightly dazed, and not a little stunned. Kakashi smiled. Pretty smile.

 

“What rank are you, Iruka-kun?” Kakashi seemed to be saying that way too slowly for Iruka to process correctly. And really, it wasn't fair of Kakashi to be that close, and distracting, so it's no surprise that Iruka felt compelled to reply.

 

“Chunin?” Iruka sounded a bit confused, but totally sure that was what he was supposed to say. Kakashi leaned in and gave Iruka a thorough kiss that involved a lot of tongue and not a lot of breathing. Iruka slowly came back to the present and indignation.

 

“Hatake-san!” Iruka sounded scandalized, “what, what in the world…?” Kakashi merely smiled. Iruka glared.

 

Kakashi ruffled Iruka's hair, “ma, Iruka-sensei, I was only doing what you told me to.”

 

“I didn't say anything!” Iruka realizing that it sounded a little too protesting amended, “I never told you to do that!”

 

“You did too!” Kakashi was a champion pouter apparently. “You told me to kiss the nin.”

 

“I was responding to your question, I was not suggesting that you… you… all I said was the rank, `chunin'!” Iruka found Kakashi's tongue exploring his mouth again. There was another moment of no breathing. Suddenly Iruka jumped off the desk in a desperate move to escape Kakashi's wandering hands. “Kakashi!”

 

“Ha! You called me Kakashi!” Kakashi and Iruka stared at one another from opposite sides of the desk.

 

“I did no such thing!” Iruka was slowly turning red, but it was unsure whether it was due to embarrassment or anger (or the fact that he'd just been kissed within an inch of his life).

 

“Did too.” Kakashi leaned into Iruka's personal space again. “Iruka-kun,” Kakashi rolled the word out in a manner that might have been an attempt at a purr. Iruka's eyes flicked towards the door. It seemed too far away especially factoring in the fact that Kakashi was in between Iruka and said escape route.

 

“Don't call me Iruka-kun!” Iruka finally said, fingering the windowsill. Damn, the latch was stuck. “If you insist upon calling me names, you don't have to be insulting.”

 

“But, Iruka-kun, I'm a jounin!” Suddenly Kakashi sent Iruka a heated look that should have been illegal. “Want me to show you what a skilled nin I am?”

 

“…” Iruka's mind went blank in sheer panic. Kakashi took this as permission to grope the chunin. “!” Iruka said.

 

“Can I de-virginize you on the desk?” Kakashi asked after a minute or two of heated groping and lots of distracting kisses.

 

“What?” Iruka found himself pinned to the desk, and… with a lot less clothes than he had started the day with. “NO!”

 

“Why not?” Kakashi pouted again. “You seemed amenable to the idea before…”

 

“You cannot… just…” Iruka was having trouble speaking from a combination of ire, annoyed embarrassment and indignation. “and what makes you think I'm a virgin?”

 

“The fact that I've been killing off competition since I decided I liked you?” Kakashi wasn't sure he was supposed to answer the question when Iruka started spluttering. “Was that a rhetorical question, Iruka?”

 

“You…” Iruka was shaking a finger in Kakashi's face in indignation. “You think you can just waltz in here with cheesy ninja pick-up lines, and… and… proposition me?”

 

“Yes.” Kakashi was pleased he knew the answer to the question.

 

“OUT!” Iruka shoved Kakashi onto the floor, “get out!”

 

“Um, no?” Kakashi tried in an effort to placate the seething chunin. Iruka glared. Shikamaru slunk in.

 

“…” Shikamaru took the scene in. “Too troublesome,” and walked back out.

 

“Kakashi, you idiot! You've probably completely ruined my reputation!” Iruka was ready to throttle the jounin. “I'm probably going to be fired from work…”

 

“If you are, you could be my sex slave!” Kakashi chirruped happily. Iruka wasn't sure what happened during the time he missed by going berserk, but whatever it was, it didn't get rid of Kakashi. Instead, the perverted jounin was pursuing Iruka with even more determination and calling him `sensei' in a really weird… childish… tone of voice.

 

Kakashi had the biggest grin on his face, EVER. Who knew Iruka was such a commanding seme? He was never going to look at a desk the same way again. Fingering the book of bad pick-up lines, Kakashi grinned. Apparently, the chunin one was great, and he should use it on Iruka all the time.